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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27022630">My Virtual Adventures with Tom:  The Next Phase (Book 2)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notusingmyname/pseuds/Notusingmyname'>Notusingmyname</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tom Hiddleston - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bullying, Child Death, Child Terminal Illness, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, F/M, Family, Female Homosexuality, Fluff, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Romance, relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:27:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>297,821</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27022630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notusingmyname/pseuds/Notusingmyname</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This story picks up where My Virtual Adventures with Tom Book 1 finished off.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tom Hiddleston/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>253</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1.1 I've Got a Good Feeling, 1.2 Little Secrets, 1.3 Tom Messes Up, 1.4 Missy Fires Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>1.1 I'VE GOT A GOOD FEELING</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Savannah stood looking from Tom to me and back again, slightly puzzled expression on her face.   </p><p>“I beg your pardon?” she said politely.   </p><p>Tom and I both smiled then Tom repeated what he’d said as he pointed to me, “Meet your new boss.” </p><p>“You bought it?” Savannah asked me. </p><p>“We did,” I replied smile equally as big as Savannah’s.  “And we’d really love you to stay on, if you’d like.” </p><p>“Oh, I really want to hug you both,” she said as the smile spread across her face. </p><p>Tom had one arm around me but held the other arm open indicating he was ready for a hug, “Hugs are good,” he said. </p><p>Savannah went to move, then hesitated until I held my arm open as well, then she moved over and we stood there, the three of us in a hug.  “Oh my God, I can’t believe it," she said. </p><p>“We’re just happy you’re staying on with us.  You are going to, aren’t you?” Tom asked. </p><p>“I’d love to,” Savannah answered.  “I’ve even been trying to figure out if I could afford to buy it myself, but just as I thought I had it figured out, I was informed it had been sold.  I could have cried, but now I’m happy.  Are you sure you want me to stay on?” </p><p>“God yes, absolutely.  I’m going to be relying very heavily on you,” I told her.  “We’re still in the cooling off process so it’s not officially ours yet but, as I’m not changing my mind, and neither is your former boss, it’s pretty much a done deal.  We’re going to start the renovations within a couple of days so, unfortunately, we’ll be closing it for a couple of weeks to get everything done.  If you want to take some time off that’s fine but if you’d like to stick around and help us plan what to do and what to stock, we’d love it.” </p><p>Tom went wandering off to have a look around, heading for the change rooms and probably thinking of what could have been if the timing had been a bit different.  I stood slowly turning in a circle, looking around and realising it had happened.  It was ours.  I was so excited and so looking forward to getting started.  Savannah had been standing watching the both of us, still with a huge smile on her face when Tom called out to her.  She seemed a little shy but went over to where he was standing.  I saw him point to a few things, and talking quietly.  Savannah, shook her head and pointed to a different area excitement growing on her face.  </p><p>I had no idea what he was on about, and at this point I didn’t care.  I was envisaging what the shop would look like by the time I was finished doing what I wanted to do.  One of the first things I wanted to do was get rid of the awful ‘feather effect’ blue paint on the walls.   </p><p>Walking back over to me, Tom put his arm around me and leaned in, “Fancy checking out the change rooms with me while Savannah goes to get us a coffee?”   </p><p>“You’re going to traumatise that poor girl,” I laughed. </p><p>“I’m only joking darling.  I wouldn’t do that to her again...well, not just yet anyway,” he winked.  </p><p>Savannah smiled as she headed out the door to get coffee, “Should I take my time?” </p><p>Laughing as I answered, “No Savannah, you’re fine. I think he can behave himself for 5 minutes.” </p><p>“You’re a bad man Tom Hiddleston,” I told him, shaking my head and giving him a playful push.  “I don’t know whether Savannah lives locally or travels, what hours she works what her responsibilities are or anything.” </p><p>“I’m sure you’ll find out everything you need to know. When she gets back why don’t you ask her if she’d like to come back home with you?  She can follow us if she has a car, or we can drive her then you can either take her home later, or take her to wherever it is she needs to be,” he said.  “You are going to have the walls painted, aren’t you?  They’re bloody awful.” </p><p>“I had intended to, yes,” I said.  “Babe?”  </p><p>“Hmmm?” he asked looking up. </p><p>“Thank you,” I smiled up at him.  “Just...thank you. For this,” I finished, doing a sweep with my hand indicating the shop. </p><p>Tom walked over to me and wrapped me up in a big bear hug, “You are very welcome darling.  To see the smile on your face, see you happy, means the world to me.”   </p><p>Just as he bent down and started kissing me, Savannah walked in with the coffee, “Oops, sorry.  I’ll just go back out.” </p><p>Laughing, Tom said, “No, no.  Come in, please.” </p><p>Savannah passed my coffee to me, then handed Tom’s to him, putting hers on the counter and shaking her head.  Tom went wandering off looking around again, turning back to me with a wink as he held up a corset.   </p><p>“Too many hooks for you,” I laughed.   </p><p>He turned away and put the corset back.  Watching him without him being aware of it, I couldn’t help but think how blessed I was to have him.  He was a truly beautiful human being, not just to look at, but on the inside – where it counts.  I know him well enough to know that he’d be getting a buzz out of me being excited about the shop.  My happiness makes him happy.  As I said; blessed, and I count those blessings every day; even the days he pisses me off and I don’t particularly like him – but that’s usually more me than him. </p><p> “I still can’t quite believe it,” Savannah said.  “I thought I was going to be out of a job.  Thank you so much.” </p><p>“Actually, as we’re going to be closing the shop, I was wondering if you’d like to come back to our place for a while and help me with a few things regarding your availability, stock...pretty much everything really.  Neither of us have a clue what we’re doing to be honest,” I said shaking my head. </p><p>“You want me to come back to your house?  Where you live?  With him?” she said sounding stunned as she waved a hand in Tom’s general direction. </p><p>“That’s the general idea...Oh God, don’t you dare fangirl on me Savannah,” I sputtered.  “Trust me, he snores and farts like any other man.” </p><p>She got the giggles when I said that.   </p><p>“No, I won’t. I’m not, I’m just...” she took a breath.  “I’m not, I swear I’m not, but can you look at this from my point for just a minute.  I thought I was out of work, suddenly I found out that, not only do I have a job, I’m employed by the Hiddleston’s and then get asked back to their house.  That doesn’t happen every day.” </p><p>I gave a bit of a chuckle, “I thought you were going to go all giggly fan girl on me for a minute.  Nearly gave me a heart attack thinking I was going to have to have a stern talking to you. So, would you be willing to come back home and have a chat or would you prefer we do it here?” </p><p>“There’s not really anywhere to sit and chat here.  If you don’t mind me coming to your house, I’d be happy to,” Savannah answered. </p><p>“Do you drive? Have a car?  I know absolutely nothing about you other than the fact that you’re young and can keep a secret, and for that we’re eternally grateful,” I told her. </p><p>“What are we grateful for darling?” Tom asked as he walked back over to join us. </p><p>“For the fact that Savannah can keep a secret,” I answered. </p><p>“Ah.  Yes.  Very grateful, unusual in today’s society with social media being what it is.  Darling, we’ll have to get a move on, I’m going to have to head off fairly soon,” he said. </p><p>“Do you drive?” I asked Savannah. </p><p>“I do, but I don’t live that far away from here and usually walk,” she answered.  “Well, run actually.  I change when I get here.  I bring enough clothes in for the week so I don’t have to worry about bags and take it all home at the end of the week.  I’ll stop now though.  I know things will change,” she answered. </p><p>“We’ll work all of that out later.  Did you want to come back to our place?  I can give you a ride home later.  Grab your workout gear and you can change when we get home.  Actually, maybe grab whatever you have here.  Oh, and do you have a piece of paper or something.  I just want to pop a note in the window that the shop will be closing for renovations and reopening under new management.” </p><p>Savannah handed me paper, pen and some tape, and while I wrote a note and stuck it to the door, she gathered all her things together and joined us.   </p><p>Tom, being the person he is, said to Savannah, “here, let me carry that for you,” as he went to take her bags. </p><p>Savannah looked a little surprised, “Oh, it’s ok. I’ve got...” but Tom was already taking the bags from her. </p><p>Laughing at the look on her face, I said to her, “You’ll get used to it.  He’s old fashioned in so many ways, and extremely modern in so many others.   Sometimes he does my head in, don’t you babe? And at other times, I love that he’s like that, old fashioned.  It’s nice.” </p><p>“<em> I </em>  do <em>  your </em> head in?” he snorted, then winked at Savannah.  “Nowhere near as much as you do mine in.  Now, if you wouldn’t mind moving your lovely ass along darling, I do have to get to the studio soon.” </p><p>Walking out of the shop, Savannah turned and locked the door then looked at the keys she was holding. “I guess these are yours,” she said going to hand them to me.   </p><p>“You keep them,” I said.  “You’ll need them.” </p><p>She looked at the shopfront, then turned to look at Tom and I with a huge smile.  “I’ve got a good feeling about this.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>1.2  LITTLE SECRETS</strong>
</p><p>I’m getting the biggest kick out of seeing her so excited; honestly, she’s like a child on Christmas morning.  After watching her with Savannah this morning, I’m quietly confident that things will be fine.  Savannah seems a little in awe at the moment but I’m sure that will settle shortly, as my darling wife so succinctly put it, I snore and fart like any other person.  She’s a delight isn’t she?  Yes, that was dripping with sarcasm.  I think once Savannah realises I’m not going to make use of the change rooms to ravish my wife every time I’m there she’ll settle down.  In saying that, if the opportunity arises...I’m joking – sort of. </p><p>I’m not particularly fond of having secrets between us, nothing good ever comes from it and we’re usually open with each other but, I do have a little something up my sleeve – well, a big something actually.  What’s my secret you ask?  I’ll tell but you’re not allowed to breath a word of it to anyone.  There’s another level to the shop upstairs.  Neither of us knew it existed, then again, it’s not as if we really checked the place over.  Other than the main floor the only thing I’ve seen is one change room and the only thing I really remember about that is the mirror.  </p><p>Anyway, I managed to get a series of photos sent to me with measurements and I’ve come up with a plan.  I need to enlist Savannah’s help, which is what I was doing when I was talking to her earlier. I’m having part of the upstairs sectioned off into a room and having a multi station gym machine installed as well as having a designated space for yoga.  Once her fitness levels start to return, she’s going to want to go to the gym and, well you know how I feel about her being there, so I’m hoping that with that machine here and the equipment we’ve got at home she won’t feel the need to go.  Yes, I know she’s said there’s nothing to worry about but it is what it is, don’t hold it against me. I’m working on it. </p><p>Having also found out there’s no staff area for lunch breaks, I’m having an area built where we can have a couch, coffee machine, small stereo and a bookshelf.  I’ve had to enlist Savannah’s help with all of this and she’s going to try and keep my darling wife away from the shop for a couple of days when she’s not at the studio with me.  I’ve no idea how she’s going to do it but hopefully she can pull it off.   </p><p>God, she’s gorgeous.  Just look at her.  It never ceases to amaze me that with everything she’s been through in life she still manages to maintain an air of childlike innocence and excitement. Her face is glowing, eyes sparkling.  Just when I think it’s not possible to love her more than I already do, I fall head over heels in love with her all over again.  I don’t care what you think, call me a romantic fool, whatever, I’m not ashamed of my feelings for her.  I’d stand on the rooftops and shout it for the world to hear if she wouldn’t drag my ass down and berate me for causing a scene in public. </p><p>Taking a good look around I’ve noticed that the walls are hideous.  Painted a pale blue, it looks like someone has gone over them with white trying to create a feathered appearance, and failed miserably, and the carpet is equally disgusting. </p><p>“Please tell me you’re painting these hideous walls and replacing this bloody awful carpet,” I said. </p><p>She assured me she was which was good because on closer inspection they were even worse than I initially thought. </p><p>“Babe?” she said. </p><p>“Hmm?”  I responded. </p><p>“Thank you. For all of this,” she said. </p><p>And, there goes my heart again.  Gathering her up in my arms to kiss her, Savannah chose that moment to walk in.  Inwardly I groaned but just smiled and welcomed her back; she did have coffee after all. </p><p>The morning wore on and before too long we needed to get going as I needed to get to the studio.  Two hours of sitting in the chair getting hair and make-up done didn’t sound very appealing when I could just imagine what I was going to be missing out on at home this afternoon.  Oh, to be a fly on the wall with these two looking a lacey knickers and God knows what else.  I couldn’t help but think that by the end of the day these two were going to be well on the way to building something more than an employer/employee relationship.  We’ll see how it goes, but it seems there’s a bond building already.  Both seem quite comfortable in each other’s company.  Quite unusual actually because my lovely wife doesn’t usually let anyone close for a long time.   </p><p>“We really need to get going darling, I’m going to need to get to the studio soon,” I told her.  She rushed Savannah along gathering gear and bags which I took, much to her shock. </p><p>Arriving back at home, I took Savannah's bag and dropped it into entry foyer before going and grabbing a few bits and pieces that I'd need for the day.  Bobby and Paddy were enjoying having another person to gain attention from and were sniffing and wagging their tales as Savannah bent down to scratch them behind the ear.   </p><p>“Alright love, I’m off.  I’ll call you later if I get the chance, just to see how things are going.  Hopefully won’t be too late,” I said pulling her into my arms and kissing her.  “Behave yourself and don’t enjoy perving at undies too much.  I love you.” </p><p>She kissed me back, quite a bit more passionately than I expected given we had someone here.  She must be very comfortable having Savannah around. </p><p>“Mmmm, love you too.  Hopefully you’re not too late.  What time do we have to be there tomorrow?” she asked. </p><p>“7.30 a.m. start.  I’ll call you later,” I said as I gave her a playful swat on the backside. </p><p>Savannah didn’t seem to know where to look or what to do, so got very involved in playing with Bobby and Paddy.  It was quite sweet watching her blush. </p><p>“Bye Savannah, I’m sure we’ll be spending much more time together.  I look forward to getting to know you.  Have a wonderful time, and keep her in check for me, will you?” I laughed. </p><p>“Bye.  I’ll give it my best shot,” Savannah said. </p><p>“I won’t be a minute Savannah; I’ll just walk Tom out. Please, make yourself comfortable.” </p><p>We walked to the door, where she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me, really kissed me.  </p><p>“Hope you’re not too late tonight,” she said, kissing the tip of my nose. </p><p>“If that means what I think it means, I’ll be doing my best not to be too late.” </p><p>… </p><p>The shoot didn’t take quite as long as expected but it was still getting on in time.  Home, food, shower, bed, that was the mantra going through my head as I sent a text. </p><p>‘Just finished.  Heading home in 5.  You still awake?’ </p><p>She replied, ‘You finished early.  Still awake.  Want food?’ </p><p>‘Please yes, hungry.  See you soon.  Love you.’ </p><p>‘Love you too.’ </p><p>Traffic was light at this time of night so it didn’t take too long to get home, thank goodness.  Do you ever just want to hug your significant other?  Yeah, that’s where I was now, I just need to hold her. </p><p>Walking through the door, she was standing waiting for me, arms open wide in invitation... the food can wait. </p><p>I think Savannah was right:  I’ve got a good feeling about this. </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 1:  'Did you want food' in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind:  The next phase follows on from here. </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>1.3  TOM MESSES UP</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t wait until I can join you, I hate that I still can’t,” I complained as Tom was ready for his run and I had to settle for a walk.   </p><p>“You’ll get there, these things take time.  You’re doing well to be doing what you already are,” he said. </p><p>“I know, but it’s still frustrating,” I told him. </p><p>“Ready?” he asked.  “I’ll see you back here soon.” </p><p>“First one in makes coffee yeah?” I questioned. </p><p>He laughed, “yes, but as usual it’ll be me.  I’m not stupid you know.  I know you dawdle that last bit to make sure I have to put the coffee on.” </p><p>Feigning shock, I looked at up at him, “I do not.  I can’t help it if I get tired on that last bit.” </p><p>“It should be last one in has to make coffee as punishment for being too slow.  How about we do that?” he suggested. </p><p>“No because then we won’t have as much time,” I reasoned.  “First in makes coffee – and gets first shower.” </p><p>“I might take my time in the shower this morning, teach you a lesson about taking your time,” he chuckled as we walked out the door together. </p><p>Giving me a quick peck on the lips, he set off for his run leaving me wishing I’d never had the damned operation.  Sure, it hurt like hell before the operation but at least I’d still been able to run – a little bit.  Setting off at a brisk walk I was determined to keep an even pace just to prove to him that I wasn’t slacking off. Yes, we all know I do because he makes better coffee than I do, but it looks like that game’s up.   </p><p>Half an hour later I was back home, fairly happy with the pace I’d been able to keep up.  I knew he wouldn’t be back, so after I let myself in, I put the coffee on and headed for the shower.  As I was getting ready to get out, Tom walked into the bathroom.  Leaving the shower running for him I grabbed a towel, dried off, got dressed and headed to the kitchen for coffee and to feed the dogs.   </p><p>Tom joined me 5 minutes later, poured coffee and got his porridge.  I still don’t know how he can eat so early in the morning.  He wakes up ready for breakfast, excited about what he’s going to have, whereas I won’t eat until I've been awake for a couple of hours.  </p><p>“How’d it go with Savannah?” he asked between mouthfuls of his breakfast. </p><p>“Really good.  She’s got some great ideas.  Apparently, she tried to put forward ideas in the past but got shut down.  I told her that won’t be happening and I want her to feel free to suggest anything she thinks might work,” I answered. </p><p>“You’re right you know, I make much better coffee,” he said.  “How did it go with you two though, on a personal level?  You seemed comfortable with her before I left.  Very comfortable in fact.  Quite unusual for you my love, you’re usually very slow to warm to anyone.” </p><p>“We’ll be fine,” I answered quickly.  “I’m almost ready to go.  I’ll just head over and see you there.” </p><p>“I forgot to tell you last night – well, I got distracted is what I should say,” he laughed.  “The studio has organised a magazine reporter to come and do an interview for the series this morning so I won’t be joining you for the full session.” </p><p>“You joining at the start or joining later?” I asked. </p><p>“I’ll start then head to makeup.  They’re interviewing while I get Loki’d up,” he answered. </p><p>“It’s been ages since I’ve seen you get Loki’d up.  Should come watch one day,” I said. </p><p>“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” he asked me, genuine concern on his face. </p><p>“Honestly? Yes.  I do,” I replied.  </p><p>Nodding his head, he seemed to think about what I’d said for a bit, as did I.  The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced it was a great idea.  As I was about to tell him, he took my hand in his, kissed my palm and said, “I think it might be a great idea too.  For both of us.” </p><p>“So we know he can’t hurt us,” we said at the same time.   </p><p>“I know we haven’t actually spoken of it, but I feel like with everything that happened on the weekend, us getting everything off our chests, getting everything out in the open, and with the shop, that we’re closing the door on some pretty nasty stuff and opening the door on a new chapter of our lives. You with your counselling sessions, me with my counselling, it’s time to deal with the last of it.  Loki.  I know the mischief maker will always be part of you but, it’s time for us to say goodbye to the other one,” I said. </p><p>“You’re right,” he agreed.  “Do as much of the session as you can, then come join me.” </p><p>“I can’t just leave halfway through a session babe.” </p><p>“Just do a long yoga session then you can do the rest later.  The more I think about this the more important I think it is.  We need to do this love.  Both of us,” he said. </p><p>“I don’t want to get in the way of you doing the interview or anyone that needs to work on you,” I told him. </p><p>“You’ll be fine,” he assured me.   “Right then, you headed off?” </p><p>“Certainly am, I’ll see you there,” I answered kissing him before I left. </p><p>… </p><p>A couple of hours later I was sitting tucked away in a corner listening to Tom being interviewed while he started getting Loki’d up.  So far it was only the white face.   I seriously don’t know how he does these interviews.  I swear they all ask the same questions.  It’s like sitting in on a little kids ‘show and tell’ session at preschool where you already know what the questions are going to be...guaranteed 1. Do you like it?  2. Do you play with it?   3.  Where do you keep it? </p><p>This is the same, except grown up questions: </p><p>What can you tell us about the series?   </p><p>Will Loki find redemption? </p><p>Are you surprised by the popularity of the character? </p><p>Are you anything like Loki? </p><p>I can almost guarantee that once the reporter gets over fangirling over him, they’re the questions she’ll ask.  Let’s see how good I am.   </p><p>Here we go, the usual thank you for agreeing to the interview we really appreciate your time and understand that you’re very busy...(he has no choice sweetheart, it’s in his contract, but whatever) I hope you don’t mind if we just take some photos while we chat.  (sure, go for it, he looks wonderful with his makeup half done, sheesh) </p><p><em> Reporter:  So, how does it feel to be ‘back in the habit’ so to speak...  ( </em> <em> oooo </em> <em> , a slightly different one) </em> </p><p><em> Tom:  Yeah, it’s great.  Like meeting up with an old friend.  It’s been a while since I’ve pulled on the leather but it’s something you never quite forget. </em> </p><p><em> Reporter:  Is there anything you can tell us about the series?  (Told you) </em> </p><p><em> Tom:  Ah, you know I’m sworn to secrecy.  Let me just say that you’ll see a side of Loki that you’ve not seen before and unfortunately, I can’t elaborate. </em> </p><p>I tuned out for a while. I’d heard them prattle on before trying to draw him out to give them more information but he very rarely slipped up and could usually cover up any little mistakes he did make.  I tuned back in to find we were still asking the same tired old questions.  Forgive me for the attitude, it’s just so old.  Find some new questions.  I know when he does press tours, he starts to feel he’s repeating himself in the same interview because no one comes up with anything new.  Anyway, let’s have a listen in again and see if she can come up with anything different. </p><p><em> Reporter:  Were you surprised by the reaction you received when it was announced that you’d be getting your own series?  Does the popularity of the character surprise  </em> <em> you? </em> <em>   (Again, I told you) </em> </p><p><em> Tom:  It’s very flattering that people care so much for him.  It’s a constant surprise to me that he’s still around and it’s only because of the public, my fans I suppose, that it’s possible for me to still be playing him all these years later. </em> </p><p><em> Reporter:  Are you anything like Loki?  What I mean by that is, do you and Loki share any personality traits, has the character rubbed off on you at all? </em> </p><p><em> Tom:  I don’t think so but you might like to ask my lovely wife.  She’d have a better idea. </em> </p><p>I froze.  ‘Please, please, please don’t pick up on what he just said,’ I thought to myself. </p><p><em> Reporter:  I beg your pardon?  Did you just say ‘wife’?   It’s only just recently become public knowledge  </em> <em> tha </em> <em> t you were engaged.  Are you saying that you’ve married in secret? </em> </p><p>Bugger! I looked up at Tom who looked at me absolutely shattered by the fact he’d slipped up.  Oh well, cat’s out of the bag now. </p><p>“He’s nothing like Loki and as for the rest of what you just asked, I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s absolutely none of your business.  Tom has never spoken to the media about his private life and he’s not about to start.  Now, if you’d like to keep your questions on a professional level, I’m sure he’ll be happy to continue with the interview.  If you’re going to start asking personal questions, I’ll request that you be escorted off the premises,” I said quite calmly. </p><p><em> Reporter: “Are you acting as his publicist as well as his  </em> <em> fiance </em> <em> ? Sorry, that would be wife now, wouldn’t it? </em> </p><p>“You’re interviewing Tom, not me.  And I wasn’t ‘acting’ as his fiance sweetheart,” I told her.  </p><p>She looked down at her nose at me, and I have to be honest, I probably didn’t cut the best figure, sitting cross legged on the floor in the corner, dressed in work out gear, hair thrown up in a ponytail and devoid of makeup.  “I suggest you aim your questions at him.” </p><p>I hadn’t been paying attention to the photographer but I heard Tom say, “you don’t take photos of her,” so I'm assuming the camera may have been pointed in my direction. </p><p>“Nice ring,” the reporter said, pointing at my hand then turned her attention back to Tom.  “I think we have all we need.  Thanks for your time.” </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>1.4  MISSY FIRES UP</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the reporter and photographer left Tom turned to me, “I’m so sorry love.  I just didn’t think.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging, I said, “It was bound to become public knowledge soon.  Let’s face it there’s a lot of people here who could say something.  Not necessarily the ones you work closely with, but someone was bound to say something.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know they’re going to publish it don’t you?” he asked as Douglas, the makeup guy started fiddling around with foundations and powders. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding I said, “Unfortunately yes, I know.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose what I’m trying to say is, are you going to be ok?” he asked.  “As I’ve said before, you and the media really don’t go hand in hand.   Our engagement springs to mind.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If I see that cow of a </span>
  <span>reporter</span>
  <span> I’ll say something for sure, but to be honest, I’m fine.  I truly don’t believe it’s going to be that bad because ‘papping the </span>
  <span>paps’</span>
  <span> is still going stro....babe! I’ve just had a great idea.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom put his hand up to stop Douglas while he looked over to me, “Define ‘great idea’.  I don’t always think your great ideas are as great as you think they are,” he said.  “Sorry darling, just being honest.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You shush and let Douglas do his job.  The poor man’s been trying to get your makeup done and you keep moving around,” I chuckled.  “I’m going to beat that damn magazine.  I’m putting it on papping the paps.  No grand announcement or anything.  Just a simple post saying we thought we’d share the news with everyone and thank them for their continued support in keeping the page current.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was silent for a minute then, looking down at me, “I’m not a big fan of sharing our personal lives, you know that, but I think this time you might be right.  I don’t want that magazine making it look as though we’ve given them that information, especially exclusively.  Post it love, put it up now before they can leak the news.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Logging onto the page, I typed:</span>
  <em>
    <span> I just wanted to let everyone know that Tom and I recently got married in a private ceremony attended by family and close friends.  It’s quite possible a magazine will try to break ‘the exclusive’ news this afternoon. I just want to make it clear that the magazine WAS NOT given an exclusive regarding our marriage.  I appreciate your continued support and trust that you respect our privacy.’</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Does this sound ok?” I asked, then read it out to him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Douglas turned to me and said, “It sounds good.  I’m glad you’re sticking it them.  Can’t stand that woman.  For God’s sake Tom, sit still.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I hate the wig.  It pulls,” Tom replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Putting my head up, I looked straight into the eyes of Loki.  I admit my heart tripped over itself for a brief second but then he smiled, “It’s me love.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” I smiled back.  After waiting for Douglas to finish pulling the wig into place, I stood and went over to Tom who pulled me down into his lap.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?” he asked me quietly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.  You look amazing, so damn hot,” I said.  “I guess that little broken part of me is always going to respond.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You ruin his makeup and I’ll respond,” Douglas said with a chuckle.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hush you,” I giggled as I placed a tiny kiss on Tom’s lips.  “It’s just a peck.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom’s phone chimed indicating a message and I watched as a huge smile spread across his face as he read.  “Get your phone,” he said.  “Check the page.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hopping off his lap, much to the relief of Douglas who came and checked Toms makeup, I grabbed my phone and had a look at the ‘pap’ page...and started to laugh.  Amid all the congratulatory messages, and a few cheeky ‘pics or it didn’t happen’ messages, was a call for everyone to boycott the magazine that did the interview and it was growing in momentum.  More and more people were posting their intentions to boycott the magazine and any articles published regarding Tom, me and our marriage.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I typed a simple response and read it to Tom before I posted it, “You guys are amazing.  Thank you so much.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The finishing touches had been added to the makeup and, sitting in front of me dressed in Tom’s clothes, was Loki.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Could we possibly just have a minute Douglas?” Tom asked.  “I promise we won’t mess it all up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Douglas nodded and made himself scarce.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How you doing?” I asked Tom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m actually fine at the moment.  How about you?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you look hot,” I laughed.  “Maybe I might upset Douglas after all.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom laughed, “Tempting.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“In all honesty, I think the real test will be when you’re in full costume and you are ‘Loki’,” I said.  “Anyway, I’ll head on out and get started.  Guess I’ll see you out there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That you will my love.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We were doing some stretching exercises and a bit of gentle weight work when ‘he’ arrived on set.  My tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of my mouth, I felt like the breath got knocked out of me and my legs got shaky when he came up to me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You ok?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>My words didn’t seem to want to work so I nodded instead but Tom saw that as a sign that I wasn’t coping well.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s me love.  It’s ok.  He can’t hurt you,” he reassured me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I know that.  Sweet Jesus babe, you look so damn hot.  I </span>
  <span>wanna</span>
  <span> jump...anyway, um, yeah I’m fine,” I managed to stutter.   Did it suddenly get hot in here?  Holy hell.  I know I saw him dressed like this last week but so much seems to have happened in that week.  I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime since then, come to terms with so much, made my peace with so much.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom laughed, “So you’re fine?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, more than fine.  I want to play with him,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn.  I’m due on set now otherwise...” he trailed off with a wink. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Go, do what you have to.  I’ll just sit and suffer in silence.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finishing up doing what I had to, I decided to sit and watch for a while as I still had some time to waste before I’d arranged to meet Savannah.  I noticed Tom’s business phone was ringing and figured I may as well answer it. Before you get uptight, it’s his business phone and I’d done it before.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, you’ve reached Tom Hiddleston’s phone. This is his assistant, he’s currently unavailable but if you’d like to leave a message along with your name and number, I’ll pass it along to him for you,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My name’s Linda, I did the interview with your</span>
  <em>
    <span> husband </span>
  </em>
  <span>this morning.  We had a deal that whatever we spoke about this morning was exclusive and I've just seen that you issued a statement on social media regarding the fact that you’re married.  You can tell Mr Hiddleston to expect to hear from our lawyers for breach of contract.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ease up.  Exclusive?  You asked the same damn questions everyone asks. There was nothing ‘exclusive’ about your damned interview.  But yes, you did have an exclusive deal.  With Tom.  He didn’t breach any contract.  He had nothing to do with the news being ‘leaked’ as you put it. I chose to announce our marriage, and it’s my right to do so.  If you’d care to read the comment I posted, it states that I, yes that’s right me, the person you’re talking to now, Tom’s wife, wanted to inform people of the marriage.  At no point does it say Tom.  You may have an exclusive deal with Tom, but you don’t have one with me. If you’d care to read your own contract, you’ll find it states quite clearly that you deal with Tom and only Tom and that no one connected to him personally is to be included, unless that person expressly agrees to be included and even then, it’s a one off. I didn’t agree to anything.  Yes, I do know because I was the one that </span>
  <span>insisted</span>
  <span> we have a clause written into his contracts that excludes me from anything to do with his work, including interviews, appearances, awards, ceremonies etc. Should I go on? No, I thought not. I’m not included in any of it, and as I heard Tom tell your photographer that he wasn’t to take pictures of me, I’d call that an invasion of privacy. Again, read your contract.  If even one of the photos you publish has me in it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’ll</span>
  </em>
  <span> be the one needing that lawyer. Now, was there anything else I could help you with? No?  That’s what I thought.  Oh, and for the record.  We don’t threaten.  Do it again and you’ll be hearing from </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> lawyer over a matter of intimidation.  I bid you good day.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ending the call, I took a deep breath, put the phone down, turned around and ran straight into a beaming Tom/Loki.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I think I may have just started something but she really pissed me off,” I said apologetically.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think my alter ego could have handled that any better than you did love, just let her try and start something.  Well done, I’m proud of you my little firecracker,” he said dropping a kiss on the top of my head.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bring it on media </span>
  <span>people; I’m</span>
  <span> going to be just fine this time around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2.1 It's Official, 2.2 Making Plans, 2.3 Introducing Savannah, 2.4  Shopping With Loki</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>2.1 IT'S OFFICIAL</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It was interesting watching both of us react to me becoming Loki.  I had a few concerns that she wasn’t coping well, but it turned out she was coping just fine, and in fact found the transformation hot.   I find it hot too but for totally different reasons; 30 pounds of metal and leather is really hot to wear.  I must confess, whilst I’m used to donning the armor and makeup that transforms me into Loki, I wasn’t too sure how I was going to go with her here.  I’m still undergoing counselling, have another session today actually, and feel like I’ve come a long way but there’s still that element of self-doubt.  As she said, the broken part of her will always have an attraction to him.  And he will always have an attraction to the broken part of her.  It’s learning how to let them play without trying to destroy each other.  That’s what we’re both working on.  I was pretty impressed with both of us today, I think we handled it fairly well. </p><p>I can’t believe I let slip that we were married.  I’m usually ready for the personal questions but that one got me.  The only thing I can think of as to why I slipped up, is because it wasn’t really personal; more an evaluation of character.  Naturally I’m going to say ask someone close to me and who’s closer to me?  The interview on the whole was mind numbingly boring except that last bit where the reporter, what was her name? got put in her place.  I got quite a bit of satisfaction from that and then that phone call – the way she handled herself; that made my day. </p><p>I had no idea what she was doing at first.  She had her back to me so it took me a minute to realise she was on the phone, but her body language made it quite clear that she was not happy.  Wide leg stance, back straight, shoulders back and finger pointing in short, sharp bursts.  I knew that stance, knew what the body language meant having been on the receiving end of her temper a few times – not often thank goodness.  I actually took pity on whoever was on the other end of the phone. Although she’s fiery, she’s quick to calm down, but when she gets really cranky – run for cover.  It’s explosive.  To quote Shakespeare, ‘though she be but little, she is fierce.’  And whoever was on the other end of the phone had clearly pissed her off.  It only took a few steps for me to be behind her and I was in time to hear nearly every word she said to the caller.  It didn’t take long for me to figure out who she was talking to and I was inwardly cheering as she expressed herself so beautifully.   </p><p>The look on her face when she turned and saw me made my heart ache briefly because I could see she thought she’d screwed up, well, who hasn’t done that today?  When she said she might have started something, I could see she was worried but, I have to be honest, I couldn’t have been prouder if I'd tried.  She’d finally stood up to someone from the media.  I know she stood up to the paparazzi but this was different.  When the press get hold of the wedding story, I have no doubt now that she’ll handle herself well.   </p><p>“You’re not pissed?” she asked. </p><p>“Not in the slightest.  In fact, I meant what I said; I’m so proud of you.  You stood up for yourself and really put her in her place,” I told her.  “How about you? Are you pissed about my slip up?” </p><p>“Not really.  Sure, I would have loved it if it hadn’t come out but, it was going to happen sooner or later so,” she stopped and shrugged.  “it is what it is.  To be honest, I guess in some respects it’s a relief.  There’s nothing to hide now.” </p><p>“After watching the way you handled yourself initially, then just now on the phone, I have no doubt you’ll be fine with the media.  I have to get back, I just wanted to make sure you were ok.  I could see from your body language that you were pissed. I want you to know how proud I am of the way you handled yourself and also to say thank you for stepping in to protect me. It’s very much appreciated.  I love you so much.  I’ll see you at home.  Quick kiss?” I asked. </p><p>Getting a quick kiss from her, I headed back while she packed up and headed home where she was meeting up with Savannah to start going over what hours she was available and the vision for the shop. </p><p>… </p><p>Arriving home earlier than expected, I walked in to hear laughter and music.  </p><p>“Hello darling,” I called out as I walked in.  “Hi Savannah.” </p><p>“Oh no, don’t tell me I’ve done it again,” she said checking the time.   </p><p>“No, you’re fine.  I’m early,” I told her as I walked over to kiss her.  “Sounds like you’re having fun.  What are you up to?” </p><p>“Sorry babe,” she said getting up to kiss me.  “Savannah’s been telling me about some of the more interesting customers at the shop.” </p><p>“Hi, Mr...Tom,” Savannah corrected herself as she greeted me. </p><p>Laughing at her correction, “Just Tom.  None of this Mr stuff ok?”   </p><p>“I’ll get there,” she assured me.   </p><p>“So, my love.  Have you been on social media at all this afternoon?” I asked. </p><p>“No.  Haven’t bothered. I’m guessing we’re the topic of conversation?” she asked.     </p><p>“You should check your ‘pap’ page,” I told her.  “Then I need to talk to you about something else.” </p><p>“Sounds rather ominous,” she said, logging onto the pap page.  “Oh my God!  Babe, have you seen this? Of course you have, you told me about it.  I can’t believe it.  Oh, they’re so sweet.  Maybe it won’t be quite as overwhelming as we first thought.” </p><p>There was a new hashtag to go along with pappingthepaps and I got a bit of a kick out of it.  The hashtag on the page is HelpHiddlesHide.  Not that we’re going into hiding but basically what it seems to be about is trying as much as possible to ignore all the media outlets trying to cash in our story. </p><p>“I must get onto Mum about photos,” she said.  “I know it’s out of character but I might put a pic up.  I’ll get onto mum about it tomorrow.  So, what is it you need to talk to me about?”  </p><p>“I’ll head off and leave you two to talk,” Savannah said standing up. </p><p>“It involves you as well so you might like to sit back down,” I told her.  </p><p>They both sat down, Savannah looking at her hands. </p><p>“Come on babe, spill.  What’s going on?” </p><p>“I had a phone call from the solicitor this afternoon,” I said to her. </p><p>“And?  Come on Hiddleston don’t keep me in suspense, you know I’m not good at waiting,” she said, suddenly looking quite apprehensive. </p><p>“Ha! If you’re not good at waiting why did it take you so long to agree to marry me,” I joked. </p><p>“Seriously babe, I’m going to be forced to do something drastic to get the information out of you if you don’t hurry up and tell me,” she said. </p><p>“It’s official my love.  It’s yours.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>2.2  MAKING PLANS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“It’s official, my love.  It’s yours,” he said. </p><p>He braced himself, knowing what was coming.  I leapt out of my chair, jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, arms around his neck, trusting that he’d catch me and not let me fall.  Feeling his hands on my butt, I kissed him hard on the lips, both of us smiling. </p><p>“Are you serious?  It’s all official, no one can change their minds?  It’s ours?” I asked. </p><p>“Officially ours as of 3.30 this afternoon,” he answered.  “Darling, much as I’m enjoying this, I’m not so sure it’s a comfortable situation for Savannah to find herself in.” </p><p>Turning to Savannah, Tom apologised, “Sorry about that, I promise we won’t make a habit of doing things like this in front of you all the time.” </p><p>Smiling, Savannah shook her head. “Please don’t let me stop you, well, you didn’t did you? I’m scarred for life,” she laughed referring to the ‘change room’ incident.  “It’s nice to see you express your feelings so openly.” </p><p>“To be honest, we usually don’t unless we’re alone.  I’m not sure why I did what I did that day at the shop, it just...happened,” Tom said. </p><p>“You’re so full of it babe.  How many times have I been dragged into a broom closet, office, dressing room?” I laughed. </p><p>“Well yes, but that’s in a room full of people.  This was a much more intimate setting.  I’m still puzzled as to why I did that – other than the obvious, I wanted...well, you,” he said, looking sheepish. </p><p>“Well whatever your reasons, I just hope that my girlfriend and I can be like you two when we’ve been together for as long as you have,” Savannah said. </p><p>“How long have you and... what’s your girlfriends name?” Tom asked. </p><p>“Theresa,” Savannah answered. </p><p>“How long have you and Theresa been together?  That’s not too personal is it?  I don’t mean to pry,” he said. </p><p>Hesitating before answering, Savannah replied, “Not too personal no.  We’ve been together for three years.  I probably should have been upfront about my sexuality with you.  I told Missy this afternoon. I understand if you don’t want to continue my employment...” </p><p>Tom cut her off, “Why should you have told us? It’s none of our business.  Your private life is just that, private.  Are you seriously telling me that you still come up against prejudice because of your sexuality?”  </p><p>Nodding, Savannah said, “You’d be surprised how much.  But anyway, I’m thrilled that you still want me.  I’m so excited that we can get started on the renovations and really looking forward to getting all the new stock.  I can’t wait.” </p><p>“I’m so happy you’re staying on with us,” I told her.  “I’d be totally lost without you.  Babe, we’re going to go paint shopping in the morning then you’ve got that Children’s hospital thing on tomorrow afternoon.  You didn’t forget, did you?” </p><p>“No, I didn’t forget.  You’re coming with me, aren’t you?” he asked.  “I was just going to leave the studio, visit the kids then head back to the studio and change.” </p><p>“I said I’d come.  Do you want me to meet you there or come by the studio and go with you from there?” I asked. </p><p>“I’d prefer you come by the studio.  Darling, could you get me a scotch?” he asked. </p><p>“Sure,” I answered thinking it a bit odd that he didn’t just get himself.  I could hear him talking quietly to Savannah as I got the glass and poured the scotch.  Taking it to him I heard him ask, “You’ll be right to do that?”   </p><p>“Do what?” I asked. </p><p>“Make sure you don’t work yourself too hard,” he answered. </p><p>“Me? How am I going to work too hard?” I asked. “I still can’t do anything.  I’m like an invalid.” </p><p>“Oh, get over yourself,” Tom laughed.  “I was watching you at the studio.  You’re about 85% of the way to being fully recovered.  With the work you’re doing there plus here you’ll be fully fit in no time.  I just don’t want you overdoing it between the shop and the studio.”  He wasn’t quite quick enough to cover the wink he sent Savannah. </p><p>“You’re up to something Mr.  I’ll let it slide for now but I’ll find out,” I told him with a grin.  “We need to do some brainstorming on a name for the shop.  I’ve got a few ideas but I’d love to know if you’ve got anything in mind, either one of you.  Have a think about it overnight. I’d like to try and get it figured out really soon because I need to register the name. Anyway, I’ll get you home Savannah, I’ve kept you long enough and I know you want to get home to Theresa.  Thanks for helping with the colours.  I’ll call by about 8.30 in the morning, is that ok?  I’ll just grab my keys.” </p><p>“8.30’s fine.  Good to see you again Tom,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Well done, you didn’t call me Mr that time,” Tom said.  “I’ll see you again soon.” </p><p>“I told you I'd get there,” Savannah chuckled, “I’m sure I’ll slip up a few times yet.” </p><p>“Right let’s go.  Won’t be long babe,” I said giving him a quick kiss.   </p><p>… </p><p>Returning home after dropping Savannah at home I walked in and could hear Tom talking.   </p><p>“Yes, this afternoon.” Looking up he saw me and beckoned me over.  “Hold on, just going to put you on speaker, she’s just come in.” </p><p>Putting the phone on speaker, he said, “We can both hear you now.” </p><p>“Hello Dil, how are you darling?  Congratulations on the shop,” Diana said. </p><p>“Diana! Hello, how lovely to talk to you.  I miss you being here. Have you ever considered moving over here?  You could come and help me sell some frilly undies,” I laughed. </p><p>“Oh, Dil.  You make me laugh.  You know I love you darling but I couldn’t live there, I’d miss here too much.  But I'll happily come and help you sell some naughty knickers when I come visit,” she chuckled. </p><p>“I’ll hold you to it,” I told her.  “And you’ll love Savannah, she’s a sweetheart. While I've got you on the phone, try and think of a few names for the shop for me.  I have a few but want a few more suggestions. If you think of any, text them through to me.” </p><p>“Yes, Tom told me you and her have hit it off.  I’m glad.  It’ll be nice for you to have someone you can rely on that you get on well with. And I’ll give the name some thought,” Diana said. </p><p>“Something just clicked when we were talking.  I felt like I knew her, had known her for a long time. I understand her,” I explained.  “Anyway, I’ll leave you to chat with Tom while I go do something about dinner.” </p><p>“Leave it, I’ll help you soon,” Tom said.   </p><p>“It’s fine babe, you talk with your mum.  You’ve been at work all day.  I’ll do it,” I said as I got up and started to head to the kitchen. </p><p>“Sorry mum, hold tight for just a minute, would you?  Darling you’ve been at work too.  Come sit, we’ll do dinner together soon ok?” he asked. </p><p>“I don’t mind,” I said, then whispered not wanting Diana to hear me because I knew she’d tell Tom to get off the phone, “I’m really hungry.” </p><p>Tom chuckled and nodded, “Sorry mum, back now.” </p><p>“Everything ok son?” I heard Diana ask. </p><p>“Yes, all good.  So what have you been up to...” Tom asked as I got busy in the kitchen and lost track of the conversation. </p><p>The shop was ours; no one could change their minds, no one could take it away.  It was ours!  I hadn’t realised just how much I wanted it until I heard Tom say the words, ‘it’s officially ours’. The relief of knowing nobody could take it away was amazing.  And I have an absolute treasure in Savannah.  I can’t wait to start working with her.  He was right before, we just clicked but there’s a reason for that.  It’s Savannah’s story to tell when she’s ready, which hopefully won’t be too long, but she’s a little bit broken too;  I have a feeling you might have already guessed that though from the way we just ‘clicked.’  She’s not too broken, just a little bit.  I think deep down Tom senses it too.  She’s working on it all and she’s getting better.  She’s got the love of a good woman to help her through and she’s got the stability of her job.  No one’s taking that away from her, I’m going to need her as much as she needs the shop.  Exciting times ahead, not just regarding the shop...but more on that later, and no, I'm not pregnant. <br/> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>2.3 INTRODUCING SAVANNAH</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Missy asked me if I’d like to tell my story.  I’m a little bit unsure but I said I'd give it a go because I know she’d like for you to get to know me a bit and, well, if it’s for Missy I’ll do it.   </p><p>There’s not really a lot to tell so it won’t be a very long story.  Probably not that interesting either really.  Where to start.  At the beginning, I guess. </p><p>I was put into a foster home at the age of 8 because my biological mother was a drug addict who couldn’t look after herself let alone try to look after me.  She didn’t speak to her family, hadn’t done for quite a while because of the life she chose to live, so going to family wasn’t an option.  Anyway, that’s her story, not mine. </p><p>I stayed with that foster family for a couple of years but then my foster mother got cancer and I had to be rehomed.  The next family I went to had 10 other children and bullying became a major problem.  I stayed with them until the age of 13 then I was rehomed again.  This time I was with an extremely religious family and I struggled to fit in, but knew if I could handle it for 2 years, then I’d be put into a refuge and be self-sufficient.   By this time, I'd accepted that I was gay but hadn’t told anyone else.  Unsure how the foster family I was with would handle the news, I kept it to myself.  You have to remember these people were religious: not just go to church on Sunday religious but everything in life can be attributed to The Bible, God or Jesus kind of religious.   </p><p>When I was almost 15, my foster father found out I was gay and decided to try and ‘cure’ me of what he termed 'my gayness'...repeatedly.   I’m not going into the how’s and why’s, suffice to say he’s in jail and I’m in therapy to deal with psychological damage that was done as a result of my time with that family and the horrendous bullying from the family before.   My final word on the subject is that religion and homosexuality didn’t go hand in hand in that house. Anyway, enough about that. </p><p>I moved to a refuge and thrived.  Then after three months in the refuge I was accepted into medium term care, which basically means I lived in a house with 5 other girls and we had a den mother.  We had rules, chores, school work, all the normal things you’d have at home.   I was happy on my own, happy taking responsibility for myself.  I finally felt safe. </p><p> I did well at school and decided to get a job after school and on weekends so that I had some money for myself, but also to keep busy.  Mentally, I need to be kept busy...a bored Savannah, is not a good thing.   I was lucky enough to land the job at the lingerie store.  At first it was just a couple of hours during the week, Thursday nights and a half day on Saturday but as time went on, I got more hours until, on finishing school, I ended up working full time.   As soon as I finished school, I enrolled in an open university course, meaning I could do my studies online and continue to work.  I’m about to graduate with a degree in business administration and management.  I know I’m not likely to need a degree to work in the lingerie store but it’s something I wanted to do, so I did it.  It can’t hurt to have it and, as Missy says, she’s got no idea when it comes to business so hopefully, I'll be able to help.  I wasn’t allowed to do a lot with the previous owner, she was nice, but very set in her ways.   </p><p>I met Theresa at one of the ‘meet and greet’ days the university holds for online students where we can go and meet our educators and some of the people that study the course with us.  She was doing the course as a mature aged student.  We’d spoken online after seeing each other in one of the various online meetings they set up for us but didn’t actually meet until we’d been ‘talking’ for six months, we just couldn’t get our schedules to match up at that time. She’s amazing.  She’s warm, funny, intelligent, loyal, protective, beautiful, loving...I could go on and on.  I love her, I’m in love with her and I get butterflies in my belly when I think of her.  She was hesitant to enter a relationship with me because of the age difference, she’s 10 years older than I am, but I just knew we belonged together and I set about proving it to her.  And succeeded.  We were together for a year before moving in together and haven’t looked back.  I know I’m young but I've lived enough in my short life for 3 lifetimes and feel older than my years.  Theresa’s helping me see that life is about having fun, laughing and loving. I’m learning. I’m only giving you some background, I don’t want to go into the whole story, it’s still hard to talk about and I don’t really see the need for it.  Some things are just too private, I hope you understand. </p><p>I remember the first time Missy and Tom came into the store; I made such an ass of myself.  Tom walked in and I instantly recognised him and knew he had a partner, and had seen from photos that she was gorgeous.  I wanted to make a good impression and ended up doing the exact opposite.  I fell over myself to help them, well Tom actually, because I got all tongue tied around her and I think she thought I was fangirling over him but it was her that I was struck by.  Even though I have Theresa you have to appreciate the fact that a nobody like me, who came from nothing was suddenly serving Tom and his beautiful partner, yes I suppose a part of me was fangirling and I could die of embarrassment because of it now.  Tom was quite insistent that they didn’t need help and politely told me to back off which I did in the end...then there was the change room incident.  Having seen how openly affectionate they are with each other in private, I can understand in a way why he did what he did.  Hell, I’d want her all the time if I were with her as well.  Please don’t think that I want Missy, I don’t.  As I said before, I’m in love with Theresa but I can still appreciate Missy’s beauty without taking anything away from the way I feel about Theresa.  Anway, I remember Tom mentioning social media and keeping ‘that’ incident away from it. No problem there, not a big fan.  They must have appreciated that nothing was said because they came back as they said they would. </p><p>I was devastated when I was told the business was for sale.  I’d worked so hard to build up a relationship with our regular clientele and knew their likes and dislikes and suddenly I was at risk of losing it all.  My safety net was being taken away.  It caused quite a few anxious times I can tell you.  Theresa and I tried to work our finances to see if I could afford to buy it but I just couldn’t see a way to do it.  I kept hoping maybe the divorce wouldn’t go through and I could keep my job.  It’s not the employment that bothered me, let’s face it, with a degree in business it wouldn’t be too hard to get work and, I suppose in some respects, I’m wasted where I am; but I love it.  When I was told it had been sold, I was ready to cry. I got to say goodbye to all my favourite clients, the only ones I hadn’t seen were Tom and Missy, so when they came by that afternoon it was bittersweet.  I’d get my chance to say goodbye but wouldn’t see them again.  When Tom told me that Missy was my new boss, I didn’t believe him to start with, but the look on his, then her, face told me it was true.   </p><p>I’m so excited about the plans Missy has for the shop, and it’s nice to be included and asked for ideas, and I have a lot of them.  I even have a name for the shop that I’m going to put forward and see what she thinks.  It’s a bit of a play on words so hopefully they both like it.  I’ll tell them tomorrow.  For now, I’m just looking forward and taking each day as it comes, thankful that they can see past my sexuality and see me, the person in front of them.  </p><p>So, that’s my story, well, as much as I’m willing to tell.  I look forward to dropping in from time to time to have a chat with you.  Missy said she’s including me in everything so I’m guessing that means this as well.  All I know is that I can see good things ahead with her visions. </p><p>I have a good feeling about this. </p><p>
  
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  <strong>2.4  SHOPPING WITH LOKI</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Having done my walk while Tom did his run, we both got home around the same time.   He put the coffee on while I had a quick shower, then while he had his shower, I fed the dogs.  He got his breakfast and I had my coffee while we discussed our plans for the day.  I was going to drop him at the studio then go shopping with Savannah so we could get the paint for the shop, then drop it at the shop ready for the painters who were coming in tomorrow.  Savannah was going to let them in because I was working at the studio in the morning and then I'd join her in the afternoon.  Tom had an appearance at the Children’s Hospital this afternoon and I was going to go with him so after I'd dropped the paint at the shop, taken Savannah back home and changed quickly, I’d head back to the studio to pick him up and we’d go. </p><p>“Seems like a lot of running around, a lot of driving,” he said to me, shoving toast in his mouth. </p><p>“Well, I can’t see any other way around it unless you drive yourself,” I said. </p><p>“I could drive myself to the studio this morning, then you could meet me there and we could go together,” he said. “But then you’re not really saving much time at all are you?” </p><p>“Unless I don’t come to the hospital.  I could just go to the shop and start measuring everything up and you could go with someone from work,” I suggested. </p><p>“No!” he exclaimed. </p><p>“Ok, calm down,” I told him.  “It was just a suggestion.” </p><p>“Sorry love, didn’t mean to jump down your throat.  No, I want you to come with me, please?” he asked. </p><p>“I said I would,” I answered.  “I’ll just wait until tomorrow after work at the studio and try not to get in the painters' way while I measure.” </p><p>“So, if you can swing by for around 1p.m and pick me up, that good for you?” he asked. </p><p>“That’s fine, but are you sure you want to do it this way?  Wouldn’t you be better off with someone from the studio taking you?” I asked. </p><p>“I don’t care who gets me there, I don’t care who gets me home again, I just want you with me.  Is that too much to ask?” he said, voice rising. </p><p>“Geez, who salted your porridge? I didn’t say I wouldn’t come, I just asked if it wouldn’t be better if someone from the studio got you there,” I said on the defensive.  “I’ll be there.” </p><p>“Good.  Now, I need to get going.  Are you still good to drive me?” he asked quite bluntly. </p><p>“Did I miss something or you just felt like flipping the bitch switch for no reason?” I responded. </p><p>“Sorry,” he said, pulling me in for a hug.  “I just want you to come with me.” </p><p>“And I’ll be there, just don’t snap my head off.” </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’ve just got a lot on my mind, no excuse I know, but I just don’t need you changing plans on me at the last minute.  Forgive me?” he asked. </p><p>“Of course.  Now, let’s get going,” I said, herding him out to the car. </p><p>… </p><p>Having dropped Tom at work, I headed to Savannah’s then we went to get the paint.  I’d picked out the ones we Iiked online and Savannah picked out the ones she liked then we looked at the ones we’d picked the same and took it from there.  We decided on a soft grey for the top of the walls then white for the picture rail down to a dusty pink on the bottom and we’re putting in a soft grey carpet. We want to put splashes of soft pinks and greys around with curtains, cushions and chairs then have soft lighting in the main shop area with a slightly brighter light in the change rooms and white window furnishings.  We both want a more elegant look, nothing garish, just soft and understated.  We still have to source artwork, with the possibility of some of my pieces being hung, I’m not so sure about that yet. </p><p>Loading everything into the car we started for the shop with Savannah checking her watch quite a bit. </p><p>“Everything ok?” I asked.  </p><p>“Yeah, fine,” she answered. </p><p>“Do you need to be somewhere?” I questioned. </p><p>“No, just wondering how long it was going to take us to get to the shop and drop this off,” she shrugged.  “No big deal.” </p><p>“Should be there, unloaded and back out within 40 minutes I’d think,” I told her. </p><p>“Ok, cool.  Is there any chance we could stop by the music store?” Savannah asked.  “I need to get guitar strings for Theresa.” </p><p>“Yeah that’s fine.  I’ve still got time before I have to get to the studio,” I answered. </p><p>We dropped the paint off at the shop, both of us smiling nonstop as we carried it all in.  Next stop was the music store.  Savannah started looking at the guitar strings while I wandered around looking at all the lovely instruments. Guitars, violins, drums, pianos, I was thinking back on when Tom played for a couple of his movies, you know the ones, and realised even though I love hearing him play the guitar, I missed the piano.  We used to have one but didn’t bring it with us when we moved into this house and I’m now wishing we did. Tom used to love playing.  He likes the piano more than the guitar...I’ve just had a brilliant idea, and he’s not here to question my brilliant idea.  </p><p>“Savannah.  Come look at pianos with me,” I said dragging her by the arm to look at pianos.   </p><p>“Why are we looking at pianos?” she asked.  “Do you play? Are we getting one for the shop? I’m not sure it’ll fit.” </p><p>“No, not for the shop and no I don’t play.  I’m buying one for Tom as a thank you for everything he’s done.  He’ll love it,” I said. </p><p>Savannah seemed a little hesitant, “Are you sure you should?” she asked. </p><p>“Yes, absolutely. Once he gets over the initial ‘you shouldn’t have done it,’ he’ll love it.  Trust me, I know what I'm doing.”  Famous last words, right?  Did I know what I was doing? Yes, I was buying a piano.  Had I stopped to think about it?  Please, don’t hit me with logic, we’ve been over it before, common sense, reasoning and logic are not things I was blessed with.   </p><p>10 minutes later we walked out the store and I was now the proud owner of a piano, well, my husband was – would be in a couple of days when it was delivered.  Feeling quite happy with myself, I felt I’d had a very productive morning.   </p><p>“So, are you good to let the painters in tomorrow morning?” I asked Savannah as I was driving her home.  “I’ll come by as soon as I’m finished at the studio and we can see if we’ll be able to measure up for the racks and shelving.” </p><p>“I can be there, it’s fine.  You don’t have to come in just for that.  I can bring a tape measure and do it.  Saves you a trip,” she replied. </p><p>“Oh, I don’t mind.  It’s not like I have anything else to do anyway.  I’ll come once I’m done.  Not sure what time it’ll be but I should be in before lunch,” I told her. </p><p>“Take your time.  Honestly, you don’t need to come in just for that.  Take the day for yourself.  Spend some time relaxing,” she insisted. </p><p>Giving her a sideways glance, I said, “Has Tom told you to make me rest?” </p><p>“What? No!” she exclaimed.  “I just figure we’re not going to be able to do much with the painters in so why not just take a day for yourself because once the paint dries things are going to get hectic as we start getting deliveries and the shelving.” </p><p>“Hmmm, I’ll think about it,” I said as I pulled up in front of her place.  “I’ll call you later.”  </p><p>“No problem.  Have fun at the hospital,” she said in a cheery voice. </p><p>Can’t help but feel those two are up to something. </p><p>… </p><p>I called in at home briefly so I could change clothes then headed to the studio to pick Tom up and head to the Children’s hospital.  He loved doing these appearances, got a massive buzz out of the smile he could bring to the kids' faces.  I thought he’d be in his black suit, nope, out he came in full Loki regalia, cape, boots, he even had the bloody helmet.   </p><p>“You’re not seriously wearing that are you?” I asked pointing to the helmet. </p><p>“I was going to let the kids try it on,” he said. </p><p>“It weighs more than half of them,” I told him.  That helmet was ridiculously heavy and he could only wear it for brief periods of time or ended up with a sore neck. </p><p>“Oh.  I didn’t think of that,” he said.  “Well, I’ll take it and they can just look at it or touch it or something.  Can you stop at the grocery store on the way, I need to grab a couple of things?” </p><p>“Are you insane?” I asked him.  “You want to go to the grocery store like that? It can’t wait?” </p><p>“No, it can’t wait,” he answered.  “Anyway, what’s wrong with this?” </p><p>“Nothing babe, remember we have to be at the hospital in just under an hour and it’s a good 40 minute drive and that’s if we get no traffic.” I said thinking of the autographs and photos he’d likely end up being asked to do. </p><p>“Plenty of time,” he said confidently.  </p><p>We ended up finding a grocery store that wasn’t too crowded judging by the carpark. I stayed a couple of paces behind as he did the Loki strut into the store and seemed totally oblivious to the stares he was attracting as he went up and down the aisles.  I stood at the end of each aisle tapping my watch every time he looked at me until he finally stalked to the checkout, still totally oblivious to the fact that the entire grocery store had come to a standstill.   </p><p>“You know the kids probably aren’t going to be allowed to eat all that crap?” I said, pointing to the bags of chocolate treats he’d bought. </p><p>“They’ll be fine,” he assured me.  </p><p>Shaking my head at him and not wanting to get into a ‘discussion’ about it, I stood back and held my hands up in surrender. </p><p>The cashier, who was more than a little surprised at who his customer was, scanned everything he had, then bagged it and gave him the total.  Tom started patting himself down then turned to me with a sheepish look on his face. </p><p>“You’re hopeless,” I said to him as I smiled sweetly at the cashier and paid. </p><p>Walking out the store, bags in hand I laughed at him, “I can’t believe you just did that.” </p><p>He turned to me and said, "I'm a God you mere mortal, I have no need for your currency.” Then roared laughing, put his arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head.  “Come on love, the kids are waiting.” </p><p>
  
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3.1 Jake, 3.2 Will You Stay With Me, 3.3 Waiting On A Delivery, 3.4 Tom's Surprise</h2></a>
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  <strong>3.1 JAKE</strong>
</p><p>A quick note from me:  This chapter took an unexpected turn...surprised me a lot.  <b> <em> I’ll just warn you before you start reading that this chapter deals with pediatric terminal illnesses and death.   </em> </b> If you’re likely to become distressed by this please <b> <em>  do not </em> </b> read this chapter. </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </p><p> </p><p>Yes, I was aware I created a bit of a stir at the grocery store but I figured if I just ignored everyone and everything, and did what I wanted to, we stood a good chance of getting out without too many hassles – and it worked.  She really does need to have a little more faith in me, I’ve been doing this for a while now.  I love doing the appearances with the kids; it’s a privilege to be able to visit them and put a smile on their faces.  The nursing staff do an amazing job and always remain upbeat and positive and these kids are so brave in the face of adversity...a lot of adults could learn a thing or two from them.   </p><p>We arrived at the hospital with little time to spare having hit nearly every red traffic light between the grocery store and here.  Parking I got the bags from the back seat and was getting ready to go inside when I felt her take the bags.   </p><p>“I’ll take them, you need to carry your horny hat,” she smirked. </p><p>Opening my mouth to give her a smart ass retort, she tapped her watch, “Come on reindeer games, we need to move it.” </p><p>Shaking my head at the sassy look on her face, I couldn’t help but smile at her laughing at her very bad joke, “You’re not as funny as you think you are.” </p><p>“Sure I am,” she answered still laughing, “I’m hilarious.” </p><p>“Glad one of us thinks so,” I said following her. </p><p>Stopping just before she went in the door, “By the way,” she said turning back to me. </p><p>“By the way what?” I asked. </p><p>“You look good.  Really good.  Like seriously good,” then leaned forward and whispered in my ear. </p><p>I went to grab her, but she turned, pushed the door open and held it for me, innocent look on her face, “Well, you coming or not?”   </p><p>“You’re an evil woman sometimes Mrs Hiddleston, you know that don’t you.  That mouth of yours is seriously something else,” I chuckled as I walked past her. </p><p>“No idea what you’re talking about,” she said. </p><p>… </p><p>The kids had a great time.  A few of them wanted to know if Thor was coming but weren’t too terribly disappointed when I said it was just me.  They loved the helmet and were surprised by how heavy it was.  I held it up so a few of them could slide their heads in and we took photos for them.  Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and I had a minor victory when the staff let the kids have a few treats and said they’d hand the rest out later.  Score one, the God of Mischief and a big raspberry to the spoil sport he calls his wife. Ha!  </p><p>Speaking of the wife, every time I looked up, she was watching me, small smile playing around her lips.  I swear if there’s a broom closet...anyway, back to the kids.  They were fascinated by all the zips and laces on the costume and wanted to know if the hair was real.  We were sitting in a common room for the most part but there were a few who were just not well enough to join us so we visited them in their rooms.  Sitting on their beds with them and having photos taken it really hit home how brave, not only the kids, but their parents were.  It was an honor to be able to talk with these kids and their parents.  One of the mum’s shyly approached my lovely wife and said something to her then found herself wrapped in a huge hug.  I looked up to see tears streaming down her face then she beckoned me over, quietly saying, “Marci’s son Jake, has been holding on to see you. It’s all he’s talked about all week, seeing Loki before he has to go, he’s close.” </p><p>Marci looked up through watery eyes, “Thank you so much for giving my son this, for giving us this moment to see our son smile again.”  I was honest with her and told her that I couldn’t begin to imagine what she must be going through and apologised for having no words of comfort for her.  She said it was comfort just knowing that in the short time he had left, Jake was happy.  I don’t know how I held it together on the outside because on the inside I was sobbing for her.  We took a heap more photos and I signed some posters before we reluctantly left his room.  </p><p>Before we rejoined the common room to say our goodbyes, I said I wanted to find one of the nurses who looked after Jake.  </p><p>“Hang on love, before we go back, I just want to find one of Jake’s nurses,” I said. </p><p>I didn’t have to say anything, I could see from the look on her face she knew what I was thinking. </p><p>Heading to the nurses station, we spoke to the staff there saying we understood they were bound by confidentiality rules but wondered how the family were doing.  Turns out Marci had had to give up working so she could be with Jake as the family lived several hours from the hospital, and that Jake’s father had to stay behind to continue working, visiting when he could.  I didn’t even have to look at missy to know what she was thinking, it was exactly the same thing I was thinking.   </p><p>Returning to Jake’s room, we knocked quietly before going in.   </p><p>“I don’t want to appear insensitive and, to be honest, don’t quite know how to put this without sounding...” I looked over to my lovely wife to make sure I wasn’t making a mess of things and she nodded, indicating I was doing fine but I found I couldn’t go on. </p><p>“What he’s trying to say is, and please don’t be offended, but we did some checking and we’re aware of your situation and would really love it if you’d let us help you out in some way,” she said. </p><p>“It’s not right that you can’t be together as a family at the moment, and in the coming weeks when you’re really going to need each other.  Please, I don’t want to sound...” </p><p>Marci held her hand up, stopping me from finishing.  “Under normal circumstances I would never dream of accepting help in anyway, but these are not normal circumstances.  My husband is literally minutes away from getting here because we know we don’t have long with Jake.  He’s been forced to take leave without pay as he has no paid leave left.  If you’re offering to help us out financially, I will very gratefully accept.  You’re a wonderful couple.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You have no idea how much this means to us.” </p><p>“No, thank you.  I’m blessed to be in the position I’m in and it’s people like Jake who’ve helped me achieve that.  I’d be honored if we’d be allowed to give something back.  If it’s not too forward of me could I ask you to give your bank details to my lovely wife and I’ll organise a deposit to be made to your account. Does anyone have a pen and piece of paper?  If it’s not too much of an imposition, and please feel free to say no as I won’t be offended, when the time comes, would you mind terribly either texting or calling this number and letting us know?” I asked writing my number on the piece of paper and hoping to God I wasn’t being an insensitive git but these people had truly touched me.   </p><p>We went back to the common room and said our goodbyes and thanked everyone for having us.   </p><p>Walking out of the common room, I was torn between leaving the hospital or going back to Jake’s room.  I can’t explain why but that boy and his mother had got under my skin and I was having trouble letting go.  </p><p>“Come on then,” she said quietly taking my hand, understanding me without the need for me to speak. “Let’s go back so you can see him.” </p><p>Returning to Jake’s room, I hesitated, looking down at the love of my life and trying to imagine what it would be like to have her taken from me.  I understand losing a child is a totally different scenario, but I don’t have a child, the closest I can come to trying to understand is to look at her – and the thought of losing her crushed me.   </p><p>“What if I'm intruding?” I asked her. </p><p>“You’ll know,” she said.  “Body language.” </p><p>Knocking gently on the door, I opened it and popped my head in. “May I?” I questioned. </p><p>Marci beckoned me in as she stood by her sons' bed, a man I took to be Jake’s father bent over the boy as he lay in bed. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to intrude.  I just wanted to see him again before we left if you don’t mind,” I said. </p><p>“Tom, this is my husband Steve, Jake’s dad,” Marci said. </p><p>I shook hands with him and, like with Marci, told him I wish I had words of comfort.   </p><p>He smiled, “Marci’s told me what you’ve offered to do.  Thank you seems so little..” </p><p>I cut him off, “I’m honored that you’re allowing us to do this. Let’s just leave it at that.” </p><p>Approaching the bed, I looked down into big blue eyes and a weak smile.  10 years old.  He should have a lifetime in front of him.  It’s just not fair.  Reaching down, I stroked his forehead.   </p><p>“Thank you for letting me be here.  Thank you for waiting.” </p><p>Turning to Marci and Steve I asked them to please let us know when the time came and they said they would. </p><p>Leaving Jake’s room was hard, bloody hard but I knew it was time.  They needed time together as a family.   We were walking down the hallway, hand in hand when I saw a janitor come out of what appeared to be a broom closet.  Waiting until he was out of sight, I opened the door, pushed my dear wife in, closed the door, pulled her close against me with my face buried in her hair and sobbed like a lost child. </p><p>… </p><p>We were at the hospital a lot longer than either of us had envisaged and it was starting to get dark as we were approaching the studio.  Heading for wardrobe, I changed as quickly as I could, both of us very quiet but needing to be physically with each other.  Holding hands, we walked back to the car where she asked if I wanted to drive. </p><p>“Would you mind?” I asked. “I just don’t feel up to it to be honest.” </p><p>Nodding, she put the key in, started the car and headed for home, driving with my hand on her leg the whole way.  </p><p>“You know what I’m going to do as soon as we get home don’t you?” I asked. </p><p>She didn’t answer, just nodded. </p><p>As we pulled into the driveway, my phone chimed.  Reading the message, I turned and held the phone up so she could read the message. </p><p>“Jake passed peacefully in the arms of his mother and father, hugging his signed poster of Loki.” </p><p>... </p><p>Another note from me </p><p>I’m not going to apologise for this chapter as it’s where the muse took me. I cried writing it, however it’s a fact of life that this happens and I always said I wanted this story to deal with real life.  Whilst it would be great if life could be a fairytale...it’s not.  The next chapter will deal with a little more on this subject but it won’t be ongoing, in fact Missy hits Tom with what she thinks is exciting news...now, dry your eyes, put on your smile and stay tuned. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>3.2 WILL YOU STAY WITH ME</strong>
</p><p>Pulling up in the driveway, I heard Tom’s phone chime and felt my heart sink.  I knew what it was going to be.  He held his phone up for me to see but I didn’t really need to read it, his face said it all.  Looking at the phone, every word felt like a punch in the stomach. </p><p>“Jake passed peacefully in the arms of his mother and father, hugging his signed poster of Loki” </p><p>Tom had silent tears rolling down his face as he sat and looked at me in disbelief.  I was a mess on the inside but had to hold it together because this beautiful human being sitting beside me needed me.  Getting out of the car I went around and opened his door, undid his seatbelt and tugged on his arm.  </p><p>Climbing out of the car, he grabbed hold of me, buried his face in my hair as he always does when he needs comfort and cried like a baby.  I had no words of comfort for him, what do you say to someone in a situation like that without sounding shallow?  Better to just be there, hold him, let him get it all out.  I know he’d only just met Jake and as such, his death probably shouldn’t have had such a profound effect on him but, every so often in life you meet someone that you just have an instant connection with, like you’ve known them all your life.  I think Tom felt that with Jake.  Whilst Jake was so young, with everything he’d been through in his few short years, he seemed older, and Tom just connected with him in a way that surprised both of us. Tom’s a sensitive soul at the best of times and whilst he loves seeing the kids, it can sometimes be a couple of days before he can kick the emotional hangover.   </p><p>Finding out the family’s financial trouble, I had no doubt he’d want to do what he did and I fully support him.  I also know what’s going to happen when we get inside and don’t think him insensitive because of it.  He needs the physical comfort and I totally understand that.   </p><p>Once inside, I fed the dogs while Tom put water on to boil for a cup of tea. What can I say, he’s English, a cuppa cures all that ails you apparently.   I knew he wouldn’t want to eat much so just made toasted ham and cheese sandwiches. </p><p>“Will you stay with me tomorrow?” he asked.  “Just be there for me.  Did you have anything pressing at the shop?” </p><p>“Savannah, can handle it.  I’ll stay with you.” I told him. </p><p>“I’ll call the bank in the morning,” he said.  “I want the money cleared to their account immediately.  They’ll need it now.” </p><p>“Are you ok?” I asked him.  “It’s been a while since you’ve been affected like that.” </p><p>“I’ll be fine.  I just need a little bit of time.  And you.  I need you,” he said. </p><p>“I know,” I told him.   </p><p>“No, I<em>  need  </em>you,” he said, turning to me. </p><p>“I know what you mean, and I’m here,” I assured him.  “Finish up your toastie and tea then we’ll have a shower ok?” </p><p> </p><p>Out of respect for Jake, I’m not writing about the next bit.  It just doesn’t feel right.   </p><p> </p><p>Next morning, we woke and went about our routine as usual.  Tom beat me back, running hard and fast as he does when he’s dealing with emotions he’s not entirely sure how to process. He’s got a counselling session later today so that’s a good thing.  He got his breakfast and handed me a coffee then got his own coffee and came to sit on the stool beside me.  </p><p>“Are you still going to stay with me today?” he asked. </p><p>“If you need me to I will,” I answered.   </p><p>“I’d like you to if you don’t mind.  I know I’m being clingy, I just...” </p><p>“No, you’re not.  I love that I can be here for you.  Which actually brings me to something I was going to talk to you about in a few days but now seems like as good a time as any,” I said. </p><p>“What’s that my love,” he asked. </p><p>“Well, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, and I've come to a decision,” I told him. “I think it’s exciting, well, not right now I guess but I’m hoping it will be and I hope you’re going to be happy.” </p><p>Giving me a puzzled look, he asked, “You’re making decisions without me now?” </p><p>“This one, yes.  Because it was my decision to make, not yours,” I answered. </p><p>“Ok, well.  Spit it out,” he said, sipping his coffee. </p><p>“Well, with you travelling for work and press tours and me now having the shop instead of work, I’ve been thinking that with Savannah more than capable of running it, if you wanted me to and when it’s possible, I might join you when you have to travel.” </p><p>He took a mouthful of coffee just at the wrong time, or maybe I spoke at the wrong time, but whichever it was, I wore the mouthful of coffee he sprayed everywhere in his shock at what I'd just said. </p><p>“I’m sorry what?” he said as I sat laughing, dripping with coffee. </p><p>“I thought maybe I could come travel with you.  If you want me to, of course,” I said. </p><p>“Are you serious?  You’re not messing with me, because you know this is all I’ve wanted, to have you with me,” he asked. </p><p>“I’m not messing with you and yes, I’m serious,” I replied. </p><p>Jumping off the stool, he grabbed me and pulled me hard against him, both of us now soaked in coffee.  “It’s about bloody time!” he said.  “No more months on end apart?” </p><p>“No more months on end apart,” I answered. </p><p>“No more trying to convince you to come with me?” </p><p>“Nope,” I replied.  “No more huge phone bills, no more I miss you so much we’ve only got another 60 nights to go, no more sleeping alone, no more going out and partying without me,” I laughed. </p><p>“Oh, damn, maybe it isn’t such a great idea after all,” he joked. </p><p>“Maybe not,” I laughed. </p><p>“You have no idea how much it means to me to have you say that,” he told me. </p><p>“I think I might,” I said as he held me tight. </p><p>Finishing up breakfast, and another quick shower, we were ready and headed to work together.  No point taking two cars when I told him I’d stay with him.  </p><p>Once at the studio I gave Savannah a quick call to let her know that I wouldn’t be in at all as I was staying with Tom and gave her a brief explanation as to why.  She said she hoped Tom was feeling better but sounded oddly relieved that I wasn’t going in.  She’d seemed like she didn’t want me there when we talking yesterday too.  I still think Tom’s behind it, he’s up to something.  I don’t know what, but I’ll find out.  </p><p>He called the bank during a break and organised money to  be deposited into Jake’s parents' account.  It was enough to cover the cost of Jakes funeral and either a plaque or headstone plus enough for them to be able to take time out and spend it together and grieve without financial worry for the next month or two.  </p><p>… </p><p>Having both finished for the day, we were sitting waiting for Tom’s counselling session when he turned to me and asked, “So why, after all this time, have you decided that you’ll join me travelling?” </p><p>“Because I don’t have to work to support myself anymore.  The shop will support me whether I'm there or not.  I can afford to travel with you now,” I said. </p><p>“You’ve always been able to afford to travel with me, you know damned well I would have happily pai...” <br/>“Really?” I asked, cutting him off.  “We’re still going to go there?  I can’t believe you someti...” </p><p>He shut me up by kissing me.  “I shouldn’t have said anything,” he mumbled against my lips.  “We’re always going to end up in arguments over it so let’s just drop it and agree not to talk about it anymore.” </p><p>“You brought it up,” I said.  “But yes, let’s just drop it.” </p><p>“I’m glad you’ve decided to come with me.  Really makes me happy.  I don’t have to keep turning good scripts...” he trailed off as I sat glaring at him. </p><p>“You what?” I asked.  “You’ve been turning scripts down, good scripts, because I wouldn’t come with you?”  </p><p>Looking sheepish, he nodded.  “I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from you for six or more months.” </p><p>At this point the counsellor called him in, “Tom, if you’d like to come in.” </p><p>Turning to me he said, “Go wait in the trailer if you like.  I’ll only be about half an hour.” </p><p>Heading for his trailer, I was thinking about him turning work down.  What an ass.  I wondered why he seemed to have become so damn picky.  In some respects, I think he’s an idiot but part of me is touched that he wants to be close to me. In light of that, I know I've made the right decision to travel with him, it’s about time I put him first.  Whether you choose to believe me or not, I’m not a selfish person, if I was, I would have let him support me a long time ago.  I just have certain expectations of myself and, at times, they don’t line up with Tom’s expectations.   In all honesty, I’d follow him to the ends of the Earth if it meant I could be with him...just don’t tell him that or he’ll have me do it! </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>3.3 WAITING ON A DELIVERY</strong>
</p><p>Sitting in Tom’s trailer waiting for him to finish his counselling session, I gave Savannah a quick call to see how things were going.   </p><p>“Hey Savannah, how’s it going?” I asked. </p><p>“Oh, I can’t wait for you to see it. It looks beautiful.  The painters have...” </p><p>I cut her off as Tom walked in, “Hang on just a second, Tom’s just come in.  Hey babe, Savannah’s on the phone just telling me about the paint job. Come sit with me my love, you look done in.” </p><p>Tom came and sat by me, wrapping his arms around me. </p><p>“Sorry Savannah, go on,” I said. </p><p>“The painters have done an awesome job.  And upstairs is...” </p><p>I felt Tom stiffen against me as I asked, “Hold on.  Upstairs?  What upstairs?  We don’t have an upstairs.” </p><p>“Oh, I meant the top of the walls.  Above the picture rails,” she said quickly.  “Upstairs because they had to climb the ladders.” </p><p>I felt Tom relax beside me and gave him a strange look that he chose to completely ignore.  “Weird way of describing it but ok.  As long as it looks good,” I said. “We’ll probably call by in the morning to check it out.  Tom’s got the weekend off.” </p><p>“Why don’t you leave it for the weekend and come in on Monday?” she asked.  “That way the paint will have dried properly and you’ll be able to see the true colours.  And it’ll give you time to spend with Tom.  By the way, hi Tom.” </p><p>“That actually sounds like a good idea,” Tom said.  “Smart thinking Savannah, and hi.” </p><p>Cursing Savannah and her good ideas I just smiled and agreed it would be for the best.  I was itching to get in and have a look but I didn’t want to make Tom go if he didn’t feel up to it and, even though I hated to admit it, it made sense to wait until the paint was completely dry so I could see what it actually looked like. </p><p>“Well, I’m glad it all went well.  I’ll see you early on Monday morning.  Have a great weekend,” I said. </p><p>“You too, both of you,” she said then ended the call. </p><p>“Ready to go home love?” Tom asked. </p><p>Nodding that I was, I waited while he gathered everything he wanted and as I was just about to walk out my phone rang.  Oh crap, how was I going to explain this one.   </p><p>“I have to take this,” I said as I answered.  “Hello?” Listening while the guy on the other end of the phone spoke, I kept an eye on Tom making sure he didn’t get too close so he couldn’t hear the conversation.  “Yes, that would be wonderful if you could.  You have the address?  Great, I’ll see you then.”  </p><p>Hanging up, I Iooked over to Tom who was giving me a quizzical look.   </p><p>“What was that about? What address?” he asked. </p><p>“Just for a delivery,” I answered, hoping he’d accept that it was probably to do with the shop and not question it further.  Luckily for me that’s exactly what happened. </p><p>“Come on love,” he said. “I just want to get home and have a couple of days with you where we can forget about work, forget about the outside world, and just relax and have some fun.” </p><p>I smiled and thought to myself, ‘oh babe, you have no idea how much fun you’ll be having on the weekend.’ </p><p>… </p><p>At home, Tom decided he was going to cook dinner for us so I cleared out the way and left him to it. He must be starting to feel better as he’s actually let me out of his sight.  Wandering into the formal lounge I looked around trying to figure out how best to move the furniture so the piano would fit.  I originally thought about putting the piano out in the living room, but decided it would be best somewhere he could go and just lose himself in the music rather than being out there with me going in and out, the dogs running around, and any visitors we might have moving about and distracting him.  As with most things he does, when he’s in the mood, the world ceases to exist and there’s only him and the music.  I remember in our old house he stayed at it nearly 4 hours one day trying to learn how to play a certain song, not giving up until he’d mastered it. </p><p>Doing a floor plan in my head, I stood there mentally moving pieces of furniture until I had it in a way I thought would work.  While Tom was distracted with dinner, I thought I’d get started moving the furniture around trying to come up with a believable reason for rearranging everything for when he inevitably asked.  As we rarely used this room, I figured I could just say I was sick of everything always being the same and thought maybe if we changed it around, we might use it more – yes, it sounded like a weak reason to me too but I needed something. </p><p>Sure enough, just as I started tugging furniture around, along he came.  Pretending I couldn’t see him I kept going, while he stood there shaking his head, hands on hips. </p><p>“What the bloody hell are you doing?” he asked. </p><p>Feigning surprise at him being there, I looked up, “Oh hi, didn’t see you there.  Just thought I’d change it around a bit and see if it didn’t make me want to spend more time in here.  Seems like a waste of a room really seeing as how we never spend any time in here.  Want to help?” I asked. </p><p>“I just came to tell you dinner’s ready,” he said.  “Come and eat then I’ll help you finish this after ok?” </p><p>Nodding, I followed him out to the kitchen where I washed my hands then carried the wine and glasses to the table while Tom carried our plates.  Sitting down to steak and mash, we talked about what we might do tomorrow, neither one of us really wanting to venture too far from home.  Trying to not slip about the piano coming tomorrow was hard, I’ve never been good at keeping secrets from him but I was determined I was keeping this as a surprise.  Finishing dinner, we sat and had a glass of wine then cleaned the table off, stacked the dishwasher, fed the dogs and went to finish rearranging furniture.  There were a few differences of opinion on how it would best be arranged, with him pointing out the big gap in the corner.  I told him I’d been looking at a chair that would look perfect there and would move things around again if I didn’t get it through the week.  Crisis averted, phew! </p><p>… </p><p>Next morning, we had a bit of a lie in before we both got up and went for our usual run and walk.  I got back first, which I figured would happen.  I guessed he’d take a longer run this morning without having to go to work and to give himself time to clear his head.  Showering, putting coffee on and feeding the dogs, I started to get nervously excited about the piano coming – and Tom’s reaction.   </p><p>He came in about half an hour later, sweating up a storm, evil grin on his face as he headed for me. </p><p>“Back off Hiddleston, you stink.  Get in the shower and clean yourself up before you come near me,” I laughed. </p><p>He put his arm up and took a sniff and pulled his head back quickly, “I’ll shower,” he said. “God, I smell terrible.” </p><p>“What do you want for breakfast?” I asked.  “I’ll get it ready for you while you shower.” </p><p>“Scrambled eggs if it isn’t too much trouble,” he answered.  “With toast and coffee.” </p><p>“Go shower, I’ll have it ready for you,” I told him. </p><p>He finished his shower, came out and had breakfast then sipped his coffee while I started checking the time every couple of minutes.  </p><p>“Settle down love,” he told me.  “I know you’re excited about the shop and all the new stock. but this is a little over the top isn’t it?” </p><p>“I suppose,” I answered.  “I just hope the delivery lives up to my expectation and gets the reaction I’m after.” </p><p>“Why wouldn’t it?” he asked.  “You ordered the stuff; you must know what to expect.” </p><p>“Oh, I know I ordered it. I just never know what to expect,” I answered. </p><p>Just as he was about to say something, the intercom buzzed.   </p><p>“You stay there,” I told him. “I’ll get it.” </p><p>Pushing the button for the gates, I made him swear he’d stay where he was. </p><p>“Promise you’ll stay there?” I asked. </p><p>“What’s going on?” he questioned.  “Why do I have to stay here?” </p><p>“Can you just please stay there for a couple of minutes?  Please?  For me?” I begged. </p><p>I could see he was puzzled by my insistence but he reluctantly agreed. </p><p>Going to the door, I opened it and waited while they unloaded the piano and carefully brought it inside.  Thank God for extra wide doorways is all I can say.  Making sure Tom had done as promised and was still in the living room, I gestured to the delivery guys to bring it in and position it where I wanted it.   </p><p>They were good natured about my wanting it in exactly the right spot and seemed happy enough to move it ‘just a bit this way’, laughing as I held my fingers up about an inch apart and pointed to the left.  After letting them out, I had to have another sneak peek myself before walking towards the living room. </p><p>“Hey babe?” I called out. </p><p>“What is it darling?” he answered. </p><p>“Could you come here for a minute? Please? “I asked. </p><p>I could hear him muttering to himself about don’t come in, stay there, come, stay, sit, good boy.  </p><p>Giggling to myself I said, “What are you mumbling about?” </p><p>“Nothing,” he said in a sulky tone.  “Just you – don't come, stay there, then 5 minutes later you want me.” </p><p>“Bit more than 5 minutes but anyway, I want you to see something I said.  Close your eyes and give me your hand.” </p><p>Looking at me suspiciously, he reluctantly held his hand out and asked, “What have you done?” </p><p>“Just give me your hand and close your eyes,” I said, taking his hand. </p><p>Leading him to the formal lounge I moved him to a perfect vantage point then said, “ok, you can open your eyes.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>3.4 TOM'S SURPRISE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have no idea what she’s up to but I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough.  I’ve been told to stay put, so stay put I shall do.  She’s been like a cat on a hot tin roof all morning waiting for this delivery.  I’m not sure what it is, I’m assuming something for the shop, although why I’ve been told to stay here if it’s something for the shop, is anyone’s guess. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She’s been a tower of strength over the last 36 hours and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her.  I have no idea why Jake got under my skin the way he did, but there was just a connection there.  Anyway, I’d have been lost without...</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey babe?” she called out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Now she wants me, bloody typical.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it darling?” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Could you come here for a minute? Please? “I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Muttering to myself ‘don’t come in, stay there, come, stay, sit, good boy’ </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I could hear her giggling to herself as she said, “What are you mumbling about?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing</span>
  <span>,” I</span>
  <span> said in a sulky tone.  “Just you – don't come, stay there, then 5 minutes later you want me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to see something,” she said.  “Close your eyes and give me your hand.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at her suspiciously, I reluctantly held my hand out and asked, “What have you done?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just give me your hand and close your eyes,” she said, taking my hand, attempting to walk with her other hand covering my eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll keep them closed,” I laughed. “I promise.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Doing a </span>
  <span>mental map</span>
  <span> of where she was taking me, I knew we were heading for the formal lounge.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on,” she said covering my eyes again. “Stand there and keep your eyes closed”.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I had no idea what she was up to but could hear the excitement and more than a few nerves in her voice. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, what the hell’s going on?  What have you done?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she said, pulling her hand </span>
  <span>away, “</span>
  <span>Open your eyes.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Opening my eyes, I had to blink a couple of times to focus and there in front of me, other than a nervous looking wife, was a piano.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you like it,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at it, then her, then back at it, then back at her, smile spreading across my face. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You did this for me?” I asked as I reached out and pulled her to me and held her tight, kissing her temple.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done, not just lately, not just the shop -  although that’s a huge thank you, but in general.  All the crap I’ve put you through, all the harebrained ideas I have that you smile at even though I know you’re shaking your head on the inside.  For smiling when you want to wring my neck, for supporting me and loving me even when I know I drive you crazy and I’ve missed you playing and I’m pretty sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>miss playing,” she shrugged. “I love the guitar, as do you, but it’s not the same.  I hope you like it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>So,</span>
  <span> this is why we had to rearrange all the furniture, makes sense as to why she insisted on the big gap in the corner. I went to take a step but hesitated.  Turning back to her, I looked down, “Thank you. Not only for this,” I said pointing to the piano, “but for being here for me over the last couple of days when I’ve needed you.  Thank you for not leaving me, for staying by my side and for holding it together and being strong for me even though I know </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> hurting inside.”  I could see the unshed tears pooling in the corner of her eyes and pulled her close, just to hold her.  No words were needed at that point, it was just a connection we both felt.  She turned her face up to receive the kiss she knew I was about to give her then patted my butt.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Go.  Play something before you make me cry.  Tell me if it feels right,” she told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted the fallboard and ran my fingers lightly over the keys before sitting down, smile from one side of my face to the other, then quickly ran my hands over the front board admiring the feel of the mahogany.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Oh, my love you did good,</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ I thought to myself, before I looked down at the keys and started playing. Peripherally I could see her leaning against the doorway, satisfied smile on her face as she watched me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back in a couple of minutes,” she said as she pushed herself off the doorframe.  I watched as she walked away and was lucky enough to see the little jump and air punch she did as she went.  I don’t know which one of us was happier at this point.  I loved seeing that little jump; she was happy she’d made me happy – which is actually what made me happy, knowing that she was.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Not having played for a while, I just messed around for a bit, stretched my fingers, got the stool in a position that was comfortable then started playing ‘Someone Like You’ the Adele song that I had obsessed over a few years ago, determined to learn the chord structures.  It had taken me hours but I finally got it.  Once I learn a piece, it only taking a couple of minutes to refresh my memory and I’m back in the swing of it.   I’m fairly lucky and can pick up quite a bit by ear plus I used to use sheet music.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, where’d you get to?” I called out but received no answer.  Just as I was about to get up and go search for her, I heard her coming.  “Come sit with me love.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m coming.  Hang on,” she called out.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Next thing she’s come into the room carrying a box, smile on her face as she walked over and presented the box to me.  “Here,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yours.  Open it,” she told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking the box from her, I lifted the lid and found all the sheet music I’d collected over the years.  I didn’t think it had been kept after we made the difficult decision to get rid of the old piano when we moved.  I loved that old piano but it had seen better days and we decided not to bring it with us but we’d never discussed replacing it.  I just assumed that all the music had gone when the piano went.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You kept it all?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Of course</span>
  <span> I kept it all,” she said.  “I would never get rid of it.  I always intended you having another piano, it wasn’t meant to take this long before getting one but it’s one of those things that kept slipping my mind.  Then I took Savannah to get guitar strings the other day, saw this and well...If I’d known it was going to make you this happy, I would have done it a long time ago.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I started going through the music, pulling some out but not finding anything that appealed to me until I found Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2.  Setting the music on the music rack, I looked up to find I was alone, she’d gone again.  I thought she might have stayed with me awhile but apparently not.  I started to move my fingers across the keys suddenly </span>
  <span>realising</span>
  <span> just how much I’d missed this.  It felt good to be playing again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She came back in carrying a tray with coffee and biscuits that she set down on the table, then sat down and looked at me expectantly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Play for me,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’d stay still for more than 2 minutes, you’d have heard me already,” I chuckled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I needed to get the music and I’ve only had one coffee so needed another one.  I’m good now, I can sit and listen.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I played for a good half hour I suppose and I don’t think the smile left my face once.  She was curled up on one of the big chairs, eyes closed some of the time, watching me at others, foot tapping as she encouraged me to play some of the </span>
  <span>songs</span>
  <span> I used to play years ago.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, you chose well, I love it. Come sit with me for a while,” I said, shuffling over on the stool.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” she replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that,” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to distract you,” she answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t,” I said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chuckling she answered, “Oh, but I will.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>No</span>
  <span> you won’t,” I said somewhat naively. "Come on, come over.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said as she joined me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p><strong>Chapter 2:  Distracting Times </strong>is available on My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind:  The Next Phase</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 4.1 At The Local, 4.2 Rudolph Makes Friends, 4.3 Busted!, 4.4 Band Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>4.1 At The Local</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Chapter 4.1   At The Local  </p><p>I was so relieved that he liked the piano, the smile said it all.  To be honest there was a little part of me that was nervous.  I thought he’d be ok with it but you just never know.  It’s actually really nice to hear the piano again, I don’t think either one of us realised just how much he missed playing.  Seeing the look on his face when he saw it made my heart sing.   </p><p>We’ve decided to just have an easy weekend at home this weekend.  I think we both need it. Give us both a chance to just kick back and unwind.  I want to get the gardens sorted, I haven’t really paid them much attention since Diana was here.  I’ve been meaning to call my mother and organise to get everyone to send their photos of the wedding to us.  How slack am I, I still haven’t got any wedding photos to hang up.  </p><p>“Darling, where’d you go this time?” I heard him call out. </p><p>“I’m just here,” I called back. “In the kitchen.  What’s up?” </p><p>“You keep disappearing on me,” he said coming into the kitchen.  “Every time I turn around, you’re gone again.” </p><p>“I was just going to get some lunch.  Thought you might be hungry.” </p><p>“Do you want to go to the pub for lunch?” he asked. </p><p>“I thought you wanted to hang around here for the weekend,” I replied.  “I don’t mind if you want to go, up to you.” </p><p>“Wouldn’t mind some fish and chips,” he said.  “We can sit out in the beer garden if you’re bothered about people.” </p><p>“I’m not worried about people, they tend to bother you more than me,” I told him. </p><p>“I just don’t like the way they have a tendency to ignore you,” he said. </p><p>I started laughing when he said that, “I have no problem with it, so you shouldn’t either.Well, if we’re going to the pub, we should get changed.  Can you remind me to ring mum later please?” </p><p>He gave me a sideways glance, “Feeling brave love?” </p><p>“Not really but I want to organise to get the wedding photos from the rest of the family.  I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but there’s a definite lack of photos of that particular event,” I said looking around. </p><p>“We should have tried to get a photographer,” he mumbled more to himself than me. </p><p>“It’ll be fine. I’m sure someone got some half decent photos.  I’ve just been distracted and haven’t spoken to mum about them.  Actually, that’s not true,” I confessed.  “I’ve just been slack and haven’t bothered.  I’ll definitely call her later.  Let’s get changed and go, I’m getting hungry.” </p><p>“You’re always hungry lately,” he observed.  “Unusual for you.” </p><p>“Don’t know why.  Maybe because I’ve started exercising more.  Not hurting me anyway,” I shrugged. </p><p>“I know.  If anything, you’ve lost weight,” he said. </p><p>Going in to the bedroom, I opened the wardrobe and looked at myself in the mirror. I don’t bother looking at myself often, as long as my clothes fit I don’t usually worry about weight too much.  Standing side on and looking at myself, I was damned if I could see any weight loss.   Loss of muscle tone most certainly but weight? No, I don’t think so.  I don’t care anyway.  </p><p>Finding jeans and shirt, I got dressed, put my hair up in a ponytail and applied some light makeup.  Tom put jeans and shirt on then grabbed his favourite boots (yes, those ones) and dragged his fingers through his hair a couple of times.   </p><p>Watching me, watching him, he turned and said, “No point combing it, doesn’t look like I've done anything to it anyway.  I must admit, I’m looking forward to getting a haircut.” </p><p>“But I’ll miss it,” I told him. “Although once this series is over, you’ll be able to grow your beard again.  Won’t you?”  </p><p>“Probably,” he replied with a smile.  “I hope so anyway.” </p><p>“Me too,” I agreed.  Love him with a beard. </p><p>… </p><p>Arriving at the pub, we went through ordered some food, grabbed a beer each and went to sit down.  It wasn’t too crowded so we decided to stay inside and watch a game of pool that was in progress.  I couldn’t help but laugh at the gentle ribbing between the two guys playing, both casting aspersions at the other’s abilities to complete shots.  We’d got a few sideways glances but on the whole, everyone was pretty cool and went about their business.  The food was really good, the beer was going down a treat and Tom was getting right into the game of pool, laughing at the cheap shots the two guys were scoring against each other, egged on by their mates.  Eventually the game finished and he was asked if he wanted to play in the next game. </p><p>“Unfortunately, I don’t have a cue,” he said holding his hands up, smile on his face. </p><p>“We’ve got spares behind the bar,” he was told.  “You gonna have a go or what?” </p><p>Looking at me for guidance, I smiled and shrugged. </p><p>“Big help you are,” he grinned, then asked, “Would you mind?” </p><p>“I don’t mind, been a while since you’ve played though. You might be about to get your ass handed to you on a platter,” I laughed. </p><p>Amid much gentle ribbing Tom was handed the cue, asked if he knew which end to hold and which end to hit the ball with, and seemed to be in his element, giving as good as he got with the ribbing.  It made me so happy to see him relaxed and enjoying himself, being treated exactly the same as every other person here.  That’s something that means the world to both of us, to have Tom be treated just the same as everyone else. </p><p>Tom’s opponent was known as Sticks.  Australians love nicknames and, if you’re a well-liked regular at your local, chances are you’ve been given a nickname...and if we’re here for any length of time today, I can almost guarantee Tom will be given one by the time we leave.  Male and female alike are known by their nicknames, to the point you can know someone for years and not actually know what their real name is because they’re always referred to by their nickname.  Missy for instance; Chris gave me that nickname years ago and I’ve been Missy for so long now that no one ever uses my real name. </p><p>‘Sticks’ was obviously a pretty good pool player and had been named sticks because of his ability with the sticks, or cue.  It was clear pretty early on that Tom was no match for Sticks and, amid much laughter, he graciously admitted defeat bowing down to Sticks which earnt him a rousing round of applause, and quite a hefty dose of respect.  Ordinarily it’s a case of winner plays on but the pub crowd seemed to really like Tom and encouraged him to play again, which he was only too willing to do. </p><p>“Come on Rudolph, show us what you’ve got,” someone called out.  Tom turned to me, quizzical look on his face and mouthed ‘Rudolph?’ then gave a little shrug.  Laughing out loud at his confusion, I motioned him over.   </p><p>“Rudolph? Sorry love, I know I've semi lived here for a while but they’ve lost me on that one,” he said. </p><p>“Reindeer games? Rudolph was a reindeer...only guessing but I’d say that’s the reference.  They like you, not everyone gets a name.” </p><p>“Are you ok?” he asked. “Not bored?  We can go if you want.” </p><p>“No, I'm fine.  I’m really enjoying this and we can’t go, there’s no way you’re getting out of here yet, they won’t let you go,” I chuckled. “I think you’ve been adopted.”   </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>4.2  RUDOLPH MAKES FRIENDS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Makes my heart happy to see him like this.  It’s hard for us – not really us, more him.  It’s hard for him to get out and have fun like he is now because people want to put him on a pedestal, not always a tall one, but they still elevate his status because of who he is.  He’ll tell you who he is, ‘I’m just Tom.’  And he is; ’just Tom,’ but at this particular moment he’s Rudolph and he’s in his element.  The guys he’s been playing pool with clearly know who he is, but they’ve not made a big deal about him being there, and have treated him as one of their own. </p><p>His game has improved, the old days coming back to him, and they’re now playing teams. I know he used to play ‘at home,’ loved getting down the pub on the weekend.  I’m having trouble keeping up with the rules because it seems every time someone sinks a ball there’s a rule change.  It’s so nice to see him really enjoying himself.  I sometimes feel guilty that he lives away from his family and friends and really has no one here.  Yes, he’s got Chris and family but, they’re all busy living their lives and working.  He says it doesn’t bother him but I think it must.  Oh, wouldn’t it be wonderful if he could be accepted here as ‘just Tom’ or Rudolph, which I have a feeling would stick if he were to come here very often. </p><p>I could sit and watch him all day when he’s like this, not conscious of his surroundings and just enjoying the moment. He looked over at me with a huge smile on his face then gave me a wink.  I held my phone up to him and pointed outside, indicating that I was going to go and call mum.  He put his hand up, signaling me to wait.   </p><p>Coming over to me he asked, “What was that love?” </p><p>“I’m just going to pop outside and call mum. I really want to organise the family and get them to send the wedding photos,” I answered. </p><p>“Hold on and I’ll come with you,” he said.  “I’ll just finish this game, should only be a couple of minutes.” </p><p>“No, you stay.  It’s only a call and you know what she’s like. It’s going to take 5 minutes to even get to the photos.  You go back in and play some more.  I’ll come back in once I've spoken to her,” I told him.    </p><p>“Are you sure?  I feel bad because this was supposed to be a weekend for us to hang at home and just relax, but here we are hours later still at the pub,” he said. </p><p>“Babe, I’m getting such a buzz out of watching you have fun.  Your friends are all half way around the world and I feel bad about that.  Seeing you enjoying yourself with these guys has made my day.  Now, go sink some balls while I attempt to keep my mother on track.” </p><p>“Give us a kiss first,” he said.   </p><p>I put my head up for his kiss as I normally would but as his lips touched mine the good-natured stirring started. </p><p>“Oh, for God’s sake, get a room.” “Shouldn’t you have the horny helmet for that Rudolph?” and on it went to the point where I got the giggles so bad, I had to walk away.  I could hear them still stirring him while I went to call mum and, judging from the look on his face, he was enjoying every minute of it.  Enjoying just being one of the boys.   </p><p>Dialing mum, I stood in a spot where I could see through to where Tom was standing, watching the smiles on the faces of him and the half dozen other guys he was standing with.  They must have finished that game because I saw Tom hand the cue over to someone else and head for the bar.  </p><p>“Hello?” Mum answered. </p><p>“Hi Mum, how are you?” I asked. </p><p>“I’ve been waiting for you to call,” she told me. “They’ve all sent me cards with photos on for you.  The ones you put in the computer. You know, those little ones.  Like the ones you put in the camera.” </p><p>“Mum, you know you can call me, you don’t have to wait for me to call you and yes, I know what cards you’re talking about.  That’s what I was calling about actually.  I was going to ask if you'd heard from anyone about photos,” I said surprised she was still on track.  30 seconds, one subject – that has to be some kind of record. </p><p>“What do you want me to do with them?  You want me to put them on the computer and then email them to you?  Might take a while, there’s a few here,” she said. </p><p>“A few cards, or a few photos?” I asked. </p><p>“A few cards,” she replied.  “I think we worked out there’s about a thousand photos all up.” </p><p>“What! Did you say one thousand?” I asked in a shocked voice. </p><p>“About that.  There’s 20 cards and I think some have 30 photos but others have got 80.  Did you know your nephew got his drivers licence?” she questioned.  “We finally got the back room finished too.” </p><p>“No I didn’t know, thanks for telling me but can we get back to the photos.  I thought you said there were a few cards.  20 isn’t a few mum, it’s a lot.  I might see Tom and see if he wants to come up maybe tomorrow,” I said.  “Will you be home?” </p><p>“Yes, tomorrow we will be.  Have to go out on Monday so we won’t be home then,” she replied. </p><p>“Well, if you’re going out then no, you won’t be home,” I said shaking my head.  </p><p>“They messed up the window frames and had to take them back, didn’t allow for the poles.  So you’ll come up tomorrow?” she asked. </p><p>I know I’m going to regret this, “What window frames mum?  I’ll see Tom but we probably will. I want to have a look at some of the photos.  We’ve only got the one and I’d like more,” I told her.   </p><p>“See me about what?” asked a voice beside me. </p><p>“Hang on mum,” I said.  “Hey, I didn’t see you come out.  I was going to see...hang on mum, I’m trying to ask him...sorry babe, see if you wanted to go up.....Mum! Hold on will you?  I'm trying to ask him...to mum’s and get the cards with the wedding photos.” </p><p>He shrugged, “I guess, if you want to.” </p><p>Shaking my head and mouthing ‘not really,’ I spoke into the phone again.  “Mum,” she was still going on about the window frames.  I’d managed to work out that they’d messed up the window frames for the back room, but it was all sorted and the back room was finished. “We’ll come up tomorrow.” </p><p>“Oh good,” she said.  “We’ll be down on Monday, have to get your fathers hearing aid checked.” </p><p>God give me the strength not to reach through the phone and throttle the woman.  “If you’re coming down why don’t you just call in with the cards. You’re going to be here anyway and it saves us a trip up.” </p><p>“Oh, that’s a good idea. Yes, we can do that,” she said. “Will you be home?” </p><p>“If you tell me what time you’ll be down, I’ll rework my day so I will be,” I assured her. </p><p>Tom was standing beside me rolling his eyes skywards but chuckling at the same time. </p><p>“She’s unique, isn’t she?” he asked. </p><p>“I’ll let you know tomorrow.  I have to go,” she said and hung up. </p><p>Staring at the phone, I shook my head.  “So, you got the gist of that yeah?” I asked. </p><p>“Sure did,” he said.  “She’s as odd as she’s always been.” </p><p>Putting my phone away, I turned to Tom, “I thought you were playing pool?” </p><p>“They’re all heading home for a few hours before coming back down tonight,” he said. “Apparently they have a band each Saturday night.” </p><p>“It’s a bit sad when you think we’ve lived here, well,<em>  I’ve </em> lived here for a couple of years and it’s only the last couple of months we’ve started to get out and about and discover the neighbourhood,” I said. </p><p>“Well, it would have been a little difficult for me to have become familiar with it really wouldn’t it.  Just a little too far to travel, and it was not long after I got back everything went into lockdown,” he reasoned.  “I like this pub though.” </p><p>He was right of course; he hadn’t had the chance to explore the neighbourhood properly.  We were only about 20 minutes away from where we used to live, but it was quite different in that, the area itself was much quieter and people gave you space.  Everybody tended to mind their own business which suited us perfectly.  With Tom having been away with the play, I didn’t venture out much other than to go to work or visit family so the area was still quite new to both of us. </p><p>“Are you ready to head home darling?” he asked. </p><p>“If you are,” I answered.   </p><p>Heading back to the car, we walked through the pub and one of the guys that Tom had been playing pool with was just leaving as we were. </p><p>Tom gave him a wave, “Thanks for the game, Johno.” </p><p>Johno smiled, “You did ok Rudolph.  You and Missy coming back for the band later?  Is it ok to call you Missy, Mrs Rudolph?” </p><p>I laughed, “Missy’s fine, it’s what everyone calls me.” </p><p>“So, you coming back tonight?” he asked again. </p><p>Tom and I looked at each other, both thinking the same thing...how busy does it get. </p><p>“The thing is,” Tom said, “sometimes I don’t want to...” he turned to me, “I always sound like a pretentious prig when I say it.” </p><p>“Today was great because he was just one of the boys, but if there’s a crowd..” I trailed off, giving a little shrug.   </p><p>“I get it,” Johno said, “but if you want to come back, we’ll make sure you’re left alone to have a good night.  It doesn’t get too crowded and most people are pretty well behaved.  I’ll leave it up to you but you’d be most welcome.” </p><p>“Thanks for that,” we both said, walking out with him.  </p><p>“Might see you tonight. If not, hope to see you back down here soon,” Johno said. </p><p>Taking the keys, I unlocked the car and we got in then I turned to look at Tom, “Guessing we’ll be back tonight?” </p><p>“Not too sure about that my love.  I believe I remember you saying something about the piano and an encore performance.” </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>4.3 BUSTED!</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I felt a bit guilty suggesting we go to the pub for lunch after saying we’d spend the weekend together but I really had a taste for fish and chips.  I used to love going to the pub on a Saturday evening, getting a feed and pint of guinness with my mates and then just having a few laughs and a good time.  I do miss it sometimes, but even if I were back home it wouldn’t be the same now.  We all grow up and move on to different things. </p><p>When we got to the pub and I saw the game of pool in progress I couldn’t help but watch and smile at the friendly banter going on.  Again, reminded me of home.  I guess I might be a little home sick.  I was home last year for the play but, as I was on my own, it wasn’t the same. Didn’t really get a lot of time either. It seems I’m always missing something, home, my wife, my family, friends.  Don’t feel sorry for me, I have a great life and really, as long as I’ve got her with me, I don’t need anyone else, but I do miss the U.K sometimes. </p><p>I was pretty chuffed when they asked if I wanted to play pool with them.  I was hopelessly outclassed in that first game and was given a little special treatment. Same rules apply worldwide I think, winner continues playing, loser sits out but, they let me continue. It didn’t take too long for me to pick it up again, I used to be quite good.  I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to have them rib and stir me the same as they did each other.  To just be me, Tom.  I don’t think I stopped smiling.  It was nice to see her looking so relaxed too and I knew she was happy for me.  When they called me Rudolph I admit, I was clueless, had no idea.  Made sense once she explained it to me, and yes, it was kind of cool, made me feel accepted.  So nice that they looked past the name and saw the person. </p><p>Glancing over at my lovely wife, I tried to convey how much I appreciated her not minding me doing this, being here.  She sat watching, with a smile playing around her lips as if she was enjoying watching me enjoy myself.  When she held the phone up, I wasn’t sure if she was saying someone was calling or she was going to call someone.  Checking what she was doing, I found out she was calling her mother.  I’ll leave her to do that by herself whenever possible.  Lovely woman - at times, but one of the most self centred people I’ve ever met.  We narrowly managed to avoid having to go visit...thank you God.   </p><p>She drove home because I’d had a couple of pints and didn’t want to risk driving.  Could you just imagine it if I got pulled over for drink driving? I’d never hear an end to it.  What a great afternoon!  And now I get to go home with my lovely wife, play some more piano and relax in her company.  I consider myself a lucky man.  She did ask if I wanted to go back for band night, but at this point, I just want to spend some time with her.   </p><p>Arriving home, we went in to find two very sheepish looking dogs.   </p><p>“Ok, who did what?” she asked them as the both stood looking away from her with their tails between their legs. </p><p>It’s unusual for either of them to misbehave as they’re both good dogs, but one, or both, had definitely done something.   </p><p>“You start out here, I’ll start at the other end of the house and meet you in the middle,” she said. </p><p>Nodding, I started looking around the living room, dining room and kitchen but found nothing then I heard her laughing.   </p><p>“Babe, come here,” she said. </p><p>“Coming,” I answered, heading for our bedroom. </p><p>Walking into the bedroom, I stopped just inside the door as she pointed to the bed.  There  was a shirt of mine and pair of jeans of hers both in the middle of the floor with the duvet half dragged off the bed.   </p><p>“I think they missed us,” she laughed. </p><p>“Did they get them out of the dirty clothes hamper?” I asked. </p><p>Nodding she answered, “They must have done because I know I put those jeans in there.” </p><p>Calling the dogs, I waited to see what they’d do. They both came running up the hallway but as soon as they entered the bedroom, they tucked their tails between their legs and wouldn’t look at me. </p><p>“Who did this?” she asked, holding her jeans up.   </p><p>Paddy slunk down so his belly was almost on the floor while Bobby stood with his head down.  Picking up my shirt, she held it up and asked, “Who did this?” </p><p>Bobby turned his back on her, head hanging and whined.   </p><p>“Oh, my goodness,” she said to the both of them trying her hardest not to laugh.  Bobby turned back and looked up at her with sad eyes, and I swear if the dog could talk, he’d be sobbing an apology.  Paddy, on the other hand, seemed to have recovered quickly and stood looking at her as though to say, “I did, what you going to do about it?” </p><p>“You know you’re not allowed to come in here you naughty boys,” she told them both.  Bobby didn’t need to be told twice and ran out, but Paddy stood looking at her before slowly turning and sauntering his way back out to the living room. </p><p>“He’s definitely your dog,” I laughed. </p><p>“And what’s that supposed to mean?” smile playing about her lips. </p><p>“It means he has as much sass as you do my lovely wife,” I told her.  </p><p>“Hmph, rude!” she said, trying to look offended but failing miserably and ending up dissolving in a fit of the giggles.  “He is a bit sassy, isn’t he?” </p><p>“A bit?!” I exclaimed.  “Just like you my love, he’s full of it.” </p><p>Picking the clothes up, she threw them back in the dirty clothes hamper, “I think they might be giving me a hint,” she said. “I might put a load of laundry on.  Do you have anything else that needs to go in the wash?” </p><p>“No, it should all be in there.  You have me well trained and I put it in there as soon as I take it off,” I said smiling.  “I might go play the piano for a bit, if you don’t mind.  Have a think about what you’d like to do tonight too.  Watch tv or a movie, read, play a game, whatever you want.” </p><p>Leaving her gathering clothes and the hamper, I headed to the formal lounge and sat at the piano just running my fingers over the keys when I remembered I wanted to talk to Savannah about the progress on works at the shop.  Knowing she should be busy for a few minutes, I quickly searched up Savannah’s number and hit the call button. </p><p>She answered on the second ring, “Hi Tom, how are you?” </p><p>“Doing great thanks, and yourself?” I asked. </p><p>“I’m good.  I’m guessing you’re calling to see how things went with the gym and staff area?” she questioned. </p><p>“If you have an update that would be fantastic but I need to be quick sorry, she could walk in at any minute,” I said. </p><p>“That’s fine, I understand,” she replied.  “You’re not going to believe this, but they worked incredibly hard and it’s all done.  They knew there was a deadline and, well, to be honest...they knew who was footing the bill and wanted to make a good impression in the hope they might get recommendations out of it.” </p><p>“Finished? All of it?” I asked in surprised. </p><p>Laughing, Savannah said, “Yes, all of it.  I was in and out all day and was really surprised at how fast they worked, in saying that it take all day.  But yes, it’s finished so you can take her to look whenever you’re ready.” </p><p>“I might do it tomorrow,” I told her.  “You’re an angel.  I better go in case she walks in.  Than...” </p><p>“She’s already in,” I heard her say. Damn! </p><p>“Thank you, Savannah,” I said pointedly turning to her.  “I’ll talk to you later.” </p><p>“So, what are you two up to?” she asked.  “And don’t you dare tell me it’s nothing because I don’t believe that for a minute.  You’ve been up to something all week, both of you.  Spill.” </p><p>“Do you trust me?” I asked her. </p><p>“Implicitly,” she answered. </p><p>“Then I’m going to have to ask you to trust me on this,” I said. </p><p>“We don’t do secrets,” she reasoned. </p><p>Going over to her, I put my finger under her chin and lifted her head so she had to look me in the eye, “It’s not a secret.  It’s a surprise and before you get pissed, I know you don’t like surprises so consider it payback for the piano.  You’ll know soon ok?” </p><p>I could see a range of emotions flicker across her face but then there was acceptance.  She knew she’d been bested. </p><p>With a heavy sigh she nodded, “Ok, you got me on that one.”  </p><p>I raised my eyebrows at her, “What’s this?  No arguments?” </p><p>“Oh, there’s plenty on the inside.  But I <em> did  </em>keep the piano from you so, I really have no comeback,” she said.   </p><p>“I like this new version of you that doesn’t fight me all the time,” I said. </p><p>She openly laughed, “There’s no new version babe, I’m just picking my battles.  You might have won this round but the war is just about to begin.  We have stock to decide on for the shop. I know what I want and you’re probably not going to like it.”  </p><p>Bloody hell, I knew things were running too smoothly. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong> 4.4  BAND NIGHT</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>I knew they were up to something!  I thought it was odd that Savannah suddenly didn’t want me around as much.  I told them last week I thought they were up to something.  I hate surprises; and he knows that but I don’t really have much of a comeback when I surprised him with the piano.  </span>
  <span>Well,</span>
  <span> I have a surprise for him too...the stock for the shop.  I’m not sure he’s going to be thrilled at some of the stuff I want to stock so, we may have a battle of wills.  Anyway, let’s worry about that when the time comes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll know soon, ok?” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>What choice do I have?  There’s no point in getting cranky, it won’t change anything.  How grown up of me right?  I know, I’m scaring myself with how rational I’m being.  I don’t want to mess up what’s been a great day.  After last weekend, I just want an easy weekend, no arguing, no stress and so far, we’ve had it.  I trust him when he says I’ll find out soon and, as he knows I despise surprises, I know he won’t make me wait too long.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We both know if I don’t find out soon, I’ll start to nag then get pissed so, I trust you to tell me soon,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, and I’m sorry that you had to find out this way.  I never intended for you to know anything,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just drop it ok?  What do you want to do tonight and, more importantly, what do you want for dinner?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, no idea and not sure,” he replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re very </span>
  <span>helpful,</span>
  <span> aren’t you?” I said sarcastically.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I try,” he said with a smirk on his face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm, you do try,” I chuckled.  “Try my patience sometimes.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha!” he exclaimed.  “You don’t have any patience.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is why I find you very trying,” I responded.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here you,” he said as he grabbed me around the waist.  “I’ve missed this – being able to mess about like this.  We seemed to get so bogged down for a while.  I’ve missed us just having fun.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” I said.  “And in light of the fact that we deserve to have some fun, let’s head back to the pub for the band.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” he asked, seeming somewhat dubious.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, let’s just cut loose for once.  Screw everyone, let ‘</span>
  <span>em</span>
  <span> stare. Why should we have to hide away all the time and deny ourselves a night out?  I want to go dancing with you, I want to see you enjoy yourself. You work hard, you should play hard too.  Let’s do it,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I could see he was giving it serious consideration but then he shook his head, “I thought we were </span>
  <span>spending a</span>
  <span> quiet weekend together, just relaxing?  The pub isn’t going to be quiet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, we’ll stay in.  It was just an idea,” I told him as I extricated myself from his grip to head to the kitchen to try and figure out dinner.   “So, what do you want to do?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said, grabbing me again.  “I didn’t say I didn’t want to go.  I just wanted to be sure you wanted to go for you, not just because you thought it was something I’d like to do.  I can see from your very poor attempt at hiding it, that you’re disappointed.  I’d love to go dancing with you.  I just wanted to make sure you wanted to.  We did say we were going to spend a relaxing weekend with each other.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And we are,” I pointed out.  “Just not here.  Besides, we won’t be gone all night and we’ve still got tomorrow to hang around here.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to show you your surprise tomorrow,” he told me. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That won’t take all day will it?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It shouldn’t but who knows with you?” he laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Any thoughts on what you’d like for dinner?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go see what we can find,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Not wanting anything heavy after the fish and chips for lunch, we settled on having chicken and salad wraps.  Tom said he’d fix it all, so while he got it ready, I fed the dogs. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dinner done, we showered and changed then debated calling a cab or driving.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I was all for driving so we didn’t have to worry about waiting at the pub because getting a cab on a Saturday night can be a lengthy wait, and the last </span>
  <span>thing</span>
  <span> I wanted was to have to hang around with a bunch of people we didn’t know who were filled with alcohol.  Tom, on the other hand was all for getting a cab.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll call a cab, then you can have a few drinks too,” he insisted.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ok not drinking,” I said, then caught the look of frustration on his face.  “Ok, we’ll get a cab.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arriving at the pub, we made our way to the bar where Tom ordered our drinks, scotch for him, bourbon for me, then had a quick look around.  Pointing to a table that was away from the main area but still had a view of the band, Tom motioned for me to follow.  We were almost to the table when we heard, “Rudolph! </span>
  <span>Mrs</span>
  <span> Rudolph!  You made it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking around we saw Johno walking towards us.  “Saw you walk in and figured we’d see if you wanted to join us.  We’ve got a table over here if you want to, but please, don’t feel you have to,” he said, nodding towards a table on the </span>
  <span>other side</span>
  <span> of the room.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Turning to me, Tom gave a questioning look and I nodded.  “We’d love to join you if that’s ok,” Tom said.  “I’d feel a little less conspicuous if we were with you guys.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, for sure.  Come on over,” Johno said, leading the way to the table.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When we got to the table, extra chairs were dragged over and everyone shuffled around a bit amid calls </span>
  <span>of,</span>
  <span> “Hey Rudolph, good to see you man.  Glad you could make it.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Introductions were made, “Rudolph, </span>
  <span>Mrs</span>
  <span> Rudolph,”...</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, I </span>
  <span>interrupted, “</span>
  <span>Missy please.  Everyone calls me Missy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your name isn’t it?” Blue asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom shook his head, chuckling, “No, actually.  She got given the name many years ago by Chri...by a friend of ours.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been Missy for so long now, most people think it’s my name,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there you go,” Johno said.  “Ok, Rudolph, Missy, this is Marnie - Sticks’ partner; Alicia - Blue’s partner; Cheryl - Davo’s wife; Emmaline or Emmy - Phil’s partner and Marisol - Sparky’s wife.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As it got to Sparky’s wife, she laughed, “Sparky told me there was a chance you’d be here after Johno rang and said he’d told you to come down.  I promise I’ll only do this once and I </span>
  <span>apologise</span>
  <span> if I make you uncomfortable...but Tom, I love your work. Massive Loki fan.  Ok, I've said it. Sorry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>For anyone that doesn’t know Tom, it would appear he graciously accepted the compliment with a ‘Thank you very much, you’re too kind.’  I could see he wasn’t terribly comfortable and made a grab for my hand giving it a squeeze.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sparky turned to her and said, “For God’s sake Marisol, leave the poor bugger alone and let him be.  He’s out for good time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean anything by it,” she said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom, trying to keep the peace held his hand up.  “Let’s just leave it and have a good </span>
  <span>time,</span>
  <span> shall we?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We stood around talking and getting to know the guys.  They were a funny lot, cracking jokes and mercilessly stirring each other as well as Tom and eventually me.  It was all in good fun and we were having a good time.  After a couple of drinks, I loosened up a little. I’m naturally one to hang back in social situations where as Tom is usually very forward.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We’d been there a while when the band started.  We listened to one set where they played mostly covers of popular rock songs and, when they started their second set, Tom and I went to dance.  At the end of the set, we were heading back to the table when we saw Sticks and Sparky barring the way of a couple of people and could hear Sticks saying, “I don’t care mate, leave them alone.  Bugger off with your camera or I’ll stick it where the sun </span>
  <span>don’t</span>
  <span> shine.  Now bugger off and leave them alone or me and my mate here will escort you out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look we might just head off, don’t want to cause any dramas,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, it’s ok, we’ll keep ‘</span>
  <span>em</span>
  <span> away,” Smithy said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably best we get going,” Tom said. “We’ve been here a few hours and we’ve got somewhere to be tomorrow anyway, need to get some rest.  Thank you all so much for the great night and I really hope we can do this again sometime.  Ladies it was lovely to meet you all.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Lovely to meet you all,” I echoed.  “And thank you for a great night.  I really enjoyed myself.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There were cabs lined up out front as it was still considered fairly early at just after midnight but we were anxious to get home. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Walking through the </span>
  <span>door, we</span>
  <span> were greeted by two wagging tails, no sheepish looks.  Good, I thought.  Suddenly tired, I hugged Tom and told him I was going to bed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming too,” he said.  “Had a great day and night but I’m ready for sleep.  Besides, you’ve got somewhere to be in the morning.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After breakfast, he started rushing </span>
  <span>me, “</span>
  <span>Come on darling, get your butt moving, I want to get going.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Determined to drag it out, I took my time getting dressed, doing my hair and finding shoes until he came in and threatened to carry me to the car.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling up out the front of the shop, I noticed Savannah and Theresa were there too.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Must be one hell of a surprise,” I said then turned to Savannah, “And you.  You’re in trouble tomorrow.  I don’t do surprises, I hate them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To her credit she didn’t shy away from me, instead smiling, “Well, you might just have to accept that you can’t control everything.  Sometimes surprises are nice.  This is one of those times.  Trust me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Grumbling and giving her </span>
  <span>a dirty look,</span>
  <span> I let myself be </span>
  <span>led</span>
  <span> into the shop but didn’t even get the chance to check out the freshly painted walls before I was blindfolded. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Kinda kinky considering we’re not alone isn’t it?” I questioned with a giggle.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> hush you,” Tom laughed.  “Now give me your hand.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Giving him my hand, I heard Savannah and Theresa go before us but couldn’t work out where they’d gone.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, we’re going to go up a set of steps,” Tom said.  “Hand on the rail, step up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the hell </span>
  <span>are</span>
  <span> we going?” I asked as I stepped up.  “We don’t have steps.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think we did either, but you have to remember neither of us checked the place out before we bought it love.  We just jumped in and did it. Turns out we have steps, now keep walking.  4 more steps.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Getting to the top, Tom took my hand and guided me across what I supposed was a room.  He stopped, turned me around and asked, “Ready?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, I said, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Savannah, can you take it off?” I heard Tom ask as I felt fingers on the back of my head undoing the blindfold.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right turn around</span>
  <span>,” Tom</span>
  <span> said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Doing as I was told, I turned with Tom just to my right and in front a tiny bit. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Surprise,” he said as my mouth fell open.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 5.1 Missy's Surprise, 5.2 Happy At Home, 5.3 Missy's Minor Meltdown, 5.4 Fixing Missy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>5.1 MISSY'S</strong> <strong>SURPRISE</strong></p><p> </p><p>Arriving at the shop, my nerves really started to kick in.  What if she didn’t like it?  What if I didn’t like it?  I’ve only got Savannah’s word to go by, haven’t had a chance to check it out myself.  I couldn’t even risk having Savannah send me photos in case the cheeky minx got my phone; we’ve never thought twice about using each other's phones for various things.  Knowing she hates surprises has made this double risky because she’ll have been looking for hints to try and catch me out.  Maybe I should have somehow tried to see it for myself first, made sure it was what I wanted.  Too late now.  As soon as she saw Savannah and Theresa, she knew it was something a little out of the ordinary and the look she gave Savannah – I would have cringed if it were me, but I was quite surprised at how well Savannah handled her.  I wasn’t too sure how she’d handle the blindfold but when she made the quip about it being a bit kinky with company, I knew she wasn’t as pissed as she was making out.  When she’s really annoyed there is no humour – none, zero, zilch and nada. </p><p>Deep breath, ok here we go. “Right, we’re going to go up a set of steps,” I said. “Hand on the rail, step up.” </p><p>“Where the hell are we going?” she asked as she stepped up. “We don’t have steps.” </p><p>“I didn’t think we did either, but you have to remember neither of us checked the place out before we bought it love. We just jumped in and did it. Turns out we have steps, now keep walking. 4 more steps.” </p><p>Getting to the top, I had a quick look around.  The room was a lot larger than I’d expected and had been sectioned off into two separate areas.  Going over to the doorway I had a quick look inside the newly finished room and gave a quick nod of satisfaction. </p><p>Taking her hand, I guided her across the room so she stood in the doorway to the newly completed room and gym.  Stopping, I turned her around and asked, “Ready?” </p><p>Nodding, she said, “As ready as I’ll ever be.” </p><p>“Savannah, can you take the blindfold off?” I asked as I moved so I could see her face. </p><p>“Right turn around,” I said. </p><p>As she turned around, I watched closely and said, “Surprise.” </p><p>There was a brief moment of confusion then the realisation of what she was looking at hit home.  Her mouth hung open briefly then the smile started and she turned to look at me. </p><p>“You did all this for me?” she asked, hands clasped in front of her chest, eyes sparkling as she looked around.   </p><p>Smiling at her, I nodded then told her, “Go in, take a look.” </p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” she said.  “I can’t believe you did all of this for me.” </p><p>She took my hand, reached up and kissed me then stepped inside pulling me in with her.  Standing there looking around with her, I was impressed with how well it had all come together.  At the far end of the room sat the gym and yoga mats, some hand weights and a small set of shelves that had some gym towels in it.  There was also a paneled room divider that could be moved to block that end of the room off from the rest.  At the other end of the room, there had already been a sink and a couple of small cupboards but I’d had it all replaced and modernised, then I’d had a small fridge, a double hot plate, microwave and coffee machine added to make it a small kitchenette.   </p><p>“We still need to get crockery and cutlery plus a couch or chairs,” I told her.  “But I thought you’d probably like to do that yourself. I had the colour scheme from downstairs continued upstairs so it all flows. I know what you’re like with colour.”   </p><p>She jumped up wrapping her legs around my waist and held my face in her hands planting tiny kisses all over my cheeks and forehead before putting her arms around my neck, squeezing tight and kissing me hard on the lips.  I had my arms around her holding her tight so she didn’t slip and have us both on the ground, because she wasn’t letting go.   </p><p>“I’m blown away by this.  Thank you.  I didn’t even know this existed,” she said as she let herself slide down, feet back on the ground. </p><p>“Would you like to see what it all looked like before this was done?” Savannah asked. </p><p>“I would,” I answered before she had a chance to speak.  Laughing, I turned to her, “Sorry darling, I had no idea what it looked like either.  All I knew was what Savannah had told me and that was that there was a sink and a cupboard but they were years old.  I only found out about this room when I was doing the legals for the purchase and had it in mind right from the start to do something like this.” </p><p>Savannah searched up the photos on her phone then handed her phone to me where I scrolled through, both of us looking at the photos then looking around.   </p><p>“It’s unrecognisable,” Savannah said.  </p><p>Theresa nodded, “It was always such a waste of space.  Sav had so many ideas for what could be done up here but was ignored.” </p><p>“What did you want to do with it?” I asked. </p><p>“I wanted to use it for more stock.  A specialised type of stock,” Savannah replied, pointedly looking at her new boss, who smiled. </p><p>“Oh Savannah, you and I think alike,” she said.  “I have a certain – line – that I want to carry and this space would be perfect for it.” </p><p>Feeling a little uneasy about what this certain line was, I turned to her and said, “We can have a chat about that at home.”   </p><p>Mouth open, I thought she was about to argue, but she stopped herself and nodded then pulled my head down and kissed me, “I honestly can’t thank you enough.” </p><p>Breathing a massive sigh of relief, I smiled down at her, “Am I to take it that you like it?” I asked. </p><p>“Like it?” she answered, “Babe, I love it.  I honestly don’t know what to say.  Somehow thank you just doesn’t seem enough.”   </p><p>“It’s more than enough.  I just want you to be happy and comfortable.  Like a home away from home.  I know you won’t be spending lengthy hours here but, I just want you to be comfortable.  All of us to be comfortable,” I said. </p><p>That last statement made the three of them all look up at me.  “What?” I said.  “I <em> will </em> be here too you know.  I’d like to take an active interest in the business.”  Again, with the look.  </p><p>“Is there a problem?” I asked. </p><p>“No.  Well, not exactly.  Um, how <em> much  </em>of an interest my darling husband?” she asked me. </p><p>“Relax, I’m not going to tread on your toes or try to take over.  Think of me as the voice of reason, here  to back Savannah up when you start to get carried away with yourself...and yes, we both know you will,” I laughed. </p><p>Savannah stood by with a slight smile on her face, “He’s got a point Missy,” she said. </p><p>“So, you’re going to gang up on me is what you’re saying,” she said trying not to smile. </p><p>“I know it’s not my place but, in all honesty, I think it’d be a great idea for the Mr to have a say.  He knows what guys like to look at.  Missy, you know from a woman’s perspective what you like to look at and wear and Savannah has a different perspective again,” Theresa said. </p><p>The two girls looked at each other and there was an almost imperceptible nod from my lovely wife. </p><p>“I hadn’t thought about it like that.  Thank you, Theresa.  You’ve given me something to think about,” she said.  “Should we have a chat about what we want in the way of chairs, a couch, crockery?” </p><p>Savannah said, “Why don’t you and Tom decide that.  After all, you’ll be the ones spending most of the time up here.  I’ll only come up if we have a meeting and for the occasional break.” </p><p>“Calm down love,” I said as I felt her stiffen in my arms. </p><p>“You’ll be up here as much as us, if not more.  When we’re away, and the time will come when we are, it’s going to fall to you to do it all.  I want you as comfortable as possible.  If you have any input, I’d love to hear it,” she said. </p><p>Savannah smiled, “Missy, I’ve been to your house, I’ve seen your style.  Whatever you choose will be fine.” </p><p>Having finished looking around and deciding we’d choose the furniture, we headed downstairs to check what the painters had done down here.  It looked amazing, the colours blending so well together, the girls had chosen well.   The carpet was going in tomorrow then all the racks, shelving and cabinetry would be done.  It was all coming together and I could see how excited my lovely girl was. </p><p>Taking a step back, I watched her as she discussed rack placement and colour arrangement...she could have been talking about anything at that point and I wouldn’t have cared.  What I did care about was seeing her like this, happy, excited, calm.  I’ve only ever wanted the best for her.  If I could wrap the world and give it to her I would, she’d yell at me for it, but I’d still do it.  I would do anything for her...anything.  I can’t put into words what she means to me.  I love her so much it hurts.  I could stand and watch her for hours, but she’ll glance at me in a minute and the eyebrow will shoot up as a small smile plays at the corner of her mouth and she’ll do the little wrinkle thing she does with her nose when she’s not entirely sure of herself...I love the nose thing but won’t tell her about it because she’ll be aware of it and stop herself from doing it...so I’m not telling. She’s just become aware of me looking at her...  and there’s the eyebrow, and the tug of the lip.  Wait for it...wait...wait...and...there it is, the nose!  </p><p>She said goodbye to Savannah and Theresa then came over to me.   </p><p>“Why were you staring at me?” she asked. </p><p>“Because you’re gorgeous,” I told her. </p><p>She snorted, “No, seriously.  Why were you staring at me?” she asked again. </p><p>“As I said, because you’re gorgeous,” I said. </p><p>Giving me a very dubious look, she let it go, wrapped her arms around me and pressed herself against my chest.  “Thank you so much for...well, for everything.  I don’t know what I did to deserve all this but whatever it is, I’m glad I did it,” she chuckled as she snuggled closer. </p><p>Wrapping my arms around her, we stood together just enjoying the moment.  I love moments like this...all is good and right in my world. </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>5.2 HAPPY AT HOME</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Can you believe that man?  I’m touched beyond words that he’d do that, not only for me, but for Savannah as well.  What a wonderful gesture.  I haven’t seen Tom that nervous since...I can’t remember to be honest.  I don’t know why he was nervous, who wouldn’t love what he’d had done.  I love him so much.  I wish I could express it.  Saying ‘I love you’ just doesn’t seem enough.  I seriously just can’t believe the effort he went to just to make sure we were comfortable.  I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him in my life but I’m thankful beyond words I have him.  I wish I could gift wrap the world and give it to him, he deserves that and so much more.  He seriously is the absolute best person. </p><p>After coming home from the shop, he went to play the piano; I’m so glad he likes it.  I’m sitting here with a book in my hand that I’ve got propped up on my bent legs so it looks like I’m reading but I’m actually sitting here perving on my gorgeous husband.  I could sit and look at him all day, and would if it didn’t creep him out. He’s trying to figure out some piece of music, I’m not sure what but he’s giving it a go. I love the way his tongue comes out when he’s feeling just slightly unsure of himself, then the hand goes for the base of the neck and down onto his chest, he’ll fiddle with his glasses then run his hand through his hair.  He’s not aware he does it and it’s so damn cute.   And then there’s times like now, he’s happy and confident.  His mouth goes up slightly higher on one side as if he’s about to smile but doesn’t quite get there.  His eyebrows raise slightly and he nods to himself.   </p><p>“Are you going to read that book or sit staring at me all day while you pretend to read?” he asked with a laugh. </p><p>“Oh, hush you,” I smiled.  “You were doing it to me at the shop when you thought I wasn’t looking.  Payback time.” </p><p>He patted the piano stool, “Come sit with me.” </p><p>“The last time I came and sat on the stool with you we didn’t end up getting much playing done,” I said. </p><p>“We got plenty of playing done as I recall,” he laughed. </p><p>I couldn’t help but laugh with him, “Let me rephrase that.  We didn’t get a lot of piano playing done.” </p><p>“No, but I liked the other playing too,” he said as he shuffled along to make more room for me.  “Besides, it was your fault, you started it.” </p><p>Well, I couldn’t argue with him there. </p><p>“Did you want to do anything in particular this afternoon?” I asked. </p><p>“To be honest love.  I just want to stay here and be with you.  I’ve had a brilliant weekend so far and I can’t think of anything I’d like more than to hang about with you,” he said. </p><p>Told you he was the best! </p><p>… </p><p> </p><p>“Babe?” </p><p>“Hmm,” he said marking his spot on the page before looking up. “What’s up?” </p><p>“I’ve decided on a name for the shop,” I said.  “I’m calling a signwriter tomorrow to organise the signage for the window.  And I want to call an electrician to do the light fittings and check the air conditioning unit and make sure it’s all good.  I thought we could look at furniture and do the kitchen bits and pieces next weekend if that’s ok with you.” </p><p>“You’ve finally decided?” he asked with a big smile.  “Going to tell me what it is?” </p><p>“Actually, no.  I’m leaving it a surprise,” I said.  “You’ll see once it’s done.” </p><p>“A hint?”  he questioned. </p><p>“It has two words.  Now, I’m not telling you anything else.  We also need to discuss the stock I want to carry,” I said. </p><p>Sighing deeply, he put his book down and grabbed my hand and leg pulling me along the couch so I was sitting almost in his lap.   </p><p>Cupping my cheek with his hand, he said, “I know, but I don’t want to do it today.  Please can we leave it until tomorrow, or later in the week.  I know we need to discuss it but it’s been an awesome weekend and we’ve managed to get through it without one disagreement and I know we’re going to disagree on this.” </p><p>“I don’t understand why you’re going to get pissed because I want to have...” I trailed off.  He was right.  It had been an amazing weekend and it really was lovely to not be at each other over anything.   </p><p>“Please?” he said. </p><p>Nodding, I left it alone. </p><p>...   </p><p>After spending the afternoon together, reading, listening to music, doing a bit of gardening and playing the piano we were both feeling really relaxed and happy.  Laying between Tom’s legs while he was half laying, half sitting on the couch I was getting sleepy.  We’d had dinner, fed the dogs and showered and were now just laying watching Chris Evans and Tilda in Snowpiercer, which was almost finished.  </p><p>Mum and Dad were calling by early in the morning, by 8.30 a.m she said, with the memory cards with all the photos.  Apparently, they wouldn’t be staying as Dad had to get something done with his hearing aids.  I’ve no idea what she said to be honest, I just knew they’d be here around 8.30 and gone by 9 which was great because it would leave me plenty of time to make a few calls and organise everyone I needed to organise.  Then I planned on going through all the wedding pictures and picking some out to have printed and framed.   </p><p>Just as the movie finished, Tom got a text message but couldn’t reach his phone, which was sitting on the table, because I was laying in the way. </p><p>“Can you reach it darling?” he asked. </p><p>Reaching out, I grabbed it and passed it to him.  </p><p>“It’s from Josh,” he said.  “He wants to know if we’re still awake.” </p><p>“It’s not that late,” I chuckled.  “Although I am tired.” </p><p>“Should I tell him we’re in bed?” he asked. </p><p>“Up to you babe.  You’re the one he’s going to want to talk to,” I answered. </p><p>“I’ll find out what he wants,” Tom said, sending a text back. </p><p>He got a message back almost immediately.  “He wants to know if he can give us a quick call.” </p><p>“As I said, it’s up to you.  You’re the one he’s going to want to talk to,” I said. </p><p>“No, he says in the message he wants to talk to both of us,” he told me showing me the message. </p><p>“I don’t mind as long as it’s not a lengthy one.  We both need to be up early,” I reminded him. </p><p>He sent a text back saying ‘Still awake, heading to bed shortly.  Quick call is fine.’ </p><p>The phone rang a couple of minutes later and Tom put it on speaker. </p><p>“Hey guys, sorry about the late hour.  How are you both?” Josh asked. </p><p>“We’re good,” Tom answered.  “And you?  Well, I hope?”   </p><p>“Doing great.  I won’t keep you; I know it’s getting late.  I was wondering if you guys would be up for an interview,” Josh said. </p><p>Tom and I both looked at each other and grimaced. </p><p>“I don’t know man.  I just did an interview for that bloody magazine and put my foot in it about being married then that woman tried to make trouble.  I know you’re nothing like that but still, I’m not sure I want to go there at the moment,” Tom answered. </p><p>“I wouldn’t be doing the interview,” Josh said.  “Missy would.  Let me give you a quick rundown then we can go into more detail at a time that’s a bit more convenient.  I’m just trying to see who I can get on board.  Basically, what I’m trying to do is a set of interviews similar to the one you did with Aaron in the actor-on-actor series but instead of two actors I want to get partners in on it. I want to try and get a different perspective; I don’t want the usual journalist type of questions.   I’m hoping to get enough people on board to do 6 half hour specials.  The questions are entirely up to you guys, serious, funny, personal, professional...all entirely up to you.” </p><p>“Let us have a think about it and get back to you,” Tom said.  “Have you got many so far?” </p><p>“You guys are one of the first I’ve contacted,” he laughed.  “I figured if it was a terrible idea you’d be honest and tell me the whole thing stinks.” </p><p>“I think it’s a great idea.  We’ll get back to you tomorrow our time,” I told him. </p><p>“Ok, I look forward to hearing from you and sorry it’s a bit late.  Talk to you later,” he said. </p><p>“See you later,” Tom said as I chimed in ‘bye Josh’ in the background. </p><p>“I want to do it,” I told Tom.   </p><p>“You do?” he asked. </p><p>“Yeah, I think it’ll be a lot of fun.  What, you don’t want me to interview you?  Scared I might ask you something personal?” I asked him cracking myself up.  </p><p>“My private life is just that, private,” he said in his best ‘don’t mess with me’ interview voice which only cracked me up further.  “You’re tired,” he said.  “You’ve got the giggles.” </p><p>“I don’t know why I’m so tired but yeah, you’re right, I’m exhausted. Might go to bed,” I told him. </p><p>“I’ll be right behind you.  I’ll just lock up.” </p><p>5 minutes later we were lying in bed, I was already half asleep.   </p><p>“I’ve really had a great weekend,” I murmured struggling to keep my eyes open.  “Thank you.” </p><p>Pulling me closer so my head rested on his chest, my body curled around him he kissed my forehead, “It’s been an amazing weekend, thank you for sharing it with me.  Hey,” he said. </p><p>“Hmmm?” I said, struggling to focus on him then getting the giggles because my eyes just wanted to close, “Sorry, tired.” </p><p>“That’s fine my love.  You rest.  I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.” </p><p>No matter how tired I am, I never get tired of hearing that.  Smiling, I managed to open my eyes long enough to look up at him.  “I am very much in love with you.” </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>5.3 MISSY'S MINOR MELTDOWN</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Waking early, we got up and did our run and walk.  I made the coffee and was on my second by the time Tom came in.  </p><p>“You already on your second cup darling?” he asked me looking slightly concerned. </p><p>Nodding as I took a sip, I replied, “Feeling a bit tired and Mum’s coming at 8.30, need I say more.” </p><p>“At least she’s not staying too long,” he said as he poured himself a cup.   </p><p>“Yes, there’s at least that.  Have you thought any more on Josh’s idea for the interview?” I asked. </p><p>“I did actually, while I was running.  I know you were keen to do it but I’m not 100% convinced,” he answered. </p><p>“What are you not sure of?” I queeried. </p><p>Quietly chuckling he looked at me and said,” You asking the questions actually.” </p><p>I started to laugh when he said that, “Yes, I probably would be too.  If we do it, I’m not taking it easy on you.  Seriously, you should do it.  I might end up being the best interviewer you’ve ever had.” </p><p>He looked up at me and smirked, “You’d definitely be the best interviewer I’ve ever had darling.  You’d be the <em> only  </em>interviewer I’ve ever had.” </p><p>Looking puzzled for a moment I was trying to figure out what he was on about, then I realised what I’d said, “I phrased that rather badly, didn’t I?” </p><p>Nodding and giving a chuckle, he said, “Just a bit.  I better get moving love.  You’re not stopping by, today are you?” </p><p>“I wasn’t going to.  I want to organise the signwriter, call an electrician, the carpet’s being laid and I want to order the racks and shelving,” I answered, “Then, once I’ve done that, I was hoping to get a chance to have a look through the cards Mum’s bringing and pick a few photos out, have them printed and framed. I didn’t think you’d be that interested in the photos so thought I’d get it done before you get home and I don’t have to bore you to tears with wedding photos.” </p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be interested in looking at wedding photos.  If you’d care to think back Mrs H, I’m the one that hassled <em> you </em> for years about getting married.  Of course I’m interested in looking at them,” he said.  </p><p>“Do you want me to wait until you get home to look then?” I asked. </p><p>“If you can wait that long,” he said. “Now, I really do need to get moving.”  </p><p>15 minutes later he was gone for the day.  I tidied our cups away, made the bed and looked up a couple of numbers for when I could make my calls.  Mum arrived just before 8.30, handed me the cards and headed straight back out the door.   </p><p>“I never got the chance to tell you; Tom and I have bought a shop,” I said to her. </p><p>“Oh, that’s nice.  Did I tell you Jed got his driver's license?  I’ve got the blinds for the back room ordered, they should be ready by the end of the week, it’ll be nice to have it finished....” and on and on she went as she walked back to the car.  “Ok well, we’ll be off.  See you next time.”  And with that they left.  8 minutes.  That’s all they were there, 8 minutes.  God, she’s exhausting.   </p><p>I made my calls; the electrician could be out late morning/early afternoon and the signwriter said he could do tomorrow but I’m at the studio tomorrow so we arranged for the day after.  I know Savannah could handle it easily but, I really want to do this. I want to keep the name quiet until the signage is done.   Last week I’d organised for someone to come out and help me with shelving, cabinetry and clothing racks and I was meeting them at the shop around lunchtime.  Hopefully the carpet guys will have finished and we can get in to do some measuring up. </p><p>I headed to the lighting store to pick up the lights I’d ordered then took them to the shop, arriving just as Savannah did.  The carpet looked fantastic and we both gave each other a look that said, ‘This is really happening.’  So exciting.  We headed upstairs for a little while to let the carpet guys finish downstairs then, when they were done, we went down so they could come up and do upstairs.  </p><p>The guy for the shelving showed up and we talked about what we wanted and where we wanted it, then we talk about what colours we wanted.  He ran around with a tape measure taking notes as he measured.  “All done,” he said.  “Probably have some to you late this week then the rest early next week.” </p><p>“Fantastic.  Thank you so much,” I said as I saw him out then turned to Savannah, “Go home.  There’s really nothing for you to do here, take off for the rest of the day.  It’s going to be a bit sporadic for the rest of the week and even into next week as we get organised.  I’m hoping everything’s done and we’re ready to reopen the week after next.  In the meantime, go home and relax.” </p><p>“Are you sure?” she asked.  “I don’t mind hanging around for the electrician.” </p><p>“No, you go. Oh, actually there is something you can do for me,” I told her. </p><p>“Sure, what’s that?” she asked. </p><p>“I want you to pick a desk and chair for the office.  Something you like. Have a look online and send it to me, or go shopping, whichever you prefer,” I said. </p><p>“Why me? Shouldn’t you be picking it?” she questioned. </p><p>“It’s not my office.  It’s your office.  You’re the manager.  Anything I need to do I’ll either do upstairs or at home,” I said.  “We’re going to hire someone to come in and help out when you need them because, even though I’d like to be here, I won’t be here all the time.” </p><p>“I’m the manager?” she asked.   </p><p>“Well, yes.  I’ve already told you; I don’t have a clue about how it all works and you’ll be running the whole show when we’re away – oh hell, please tell me you’re willing to handle it all when we’re not here?”  I was starting to get a bit anxious; I could have sworn we’d covered this but maybe we hadn’t.  “We can be gone for anything up to 9 months at a time...I bloody hope not but it’s a possibility.  Usually when Tom goes, he’s gone for around 4 months so that’s probably about average.  Not that we’re going anywhere, anytime soon but if it’s going to be a problem tell me now.” </p><p>“No, it’s not a problem.  Calm down Missy, breathe.  It’s ok,” she said reassuringly. </p><p>Once I’d calmed down, she went home and I only had to wait a few minutes for the electrician to show up.  I saw the van pull up but the carpet guys called out so I didn’t actually see him come in.  Calling over my shoulder, “Just give me a minute,” I ran upstairs to check the floors and, as there was only a small amount of carpet up there, the rest of the floor was tiled, it hadn’t taken long.  Happy with what they’d done I was heading back downstairs, when I looked up and saw Sparky. </p><p>“Sparky? How are you?” I asked. </p><p>“Missy.  What are you doing here?”  </p><p>Chuckling, I said, “Tom and I own it.  We’ve just recently bought it and we’re just redoing it all then reopening.” </p><p>“I didn’t realise it was you when you called this morning.  I’m here to do the lights and air conditioning,” he told me. </p><p>“Sparky.  Makes sense now, you’re an electrician.  Sorry, bit slow sometimes,” I laughed.  “The lights are in back of my car, I’ll just go get them.  Air conditioning units out back, through there.” </p><p>Bringing the lights in, I put them on the floor and, while waiting for Sparky to finish with the air con, sent Tom a message: ‘Never guess who the electrician is...Sparky.’ </p><p>Coming back in, he said the air conditioning was fine then installed the lights for me.  Conversation flowed fairly well and he said if we wanted to meet up again at the pub, they were there most Saturdays and Saturday nights. I ended up getting his business card and said we’d enjoyed ourselves and were looking forward to doing it again, time permitting. </p><p>Midafternoon I got out of the shop and headed home.  Tom had message saying he should be home late afternoon and was going to grab Thai food on the way home. I had a play with the dogs when I got home, throwing a ball and chasing them around the yard before going in and making a coffee.  Sitting down, I couldn’t help myself and ended up putting one of the memory cards mum had brought down into the card reader on the laptop.  I thought they were all photos but someone had taken a video of the ceremony.  I sat there watching myself walk in with dad, then the camera flicked to Tom’s face then back to mine.   I could see the excitement on my face, and it made me smile, then the camera flicked to Tom’s face and zoomed in; how had I not seen that on the day?  I sat there for a minute, hit rewind, then hit play again...and promptly burst into tears....and that’s where Tom found me, sitting on the couch a snotty, sniveling mess. </p><p>Running across the room, he grabbed me and pulled me close, “Hey, hey, shhh.  What’s wrong darling.  Hang on, just let me find a tissue.”  Grabbing a box of Kleenex, he shoved some in my hand then went back to holding me.  “What’s wrong love.  Why the tears?” </p><p>Wiping my nose, then eyes, taking a deep breath, I pointed to the laptop, “Your eyes.” </p><p>Chuckling, he said, “I didn’t think they were <em> that </em> bad.” </p><p>Leaning over and pressing play, I held onto him and said, “Watch.” </p><p>He watched, smile on his face as I walked in with my dad, at this point I hadn’t seen him; then the camera turned to him and, as it zoomed in on him, I watched him watching himself. It must have been at this point he saw me.  Watching the screen he started to worry at his bottom lip, holding me tighter and tighter until the camera zoomed back out.  </p><p>“Why?” I asked.  “What scared you that much?” </p><p>“It was a brief moment. It was nothing really but I’ve never been so scared in my life that you wouldn’t go through with it.  I honestly couldn’t have handled it.  As you just saw, I was terrified, relieved, blown away and...well, very much in love.”   </p><p>The tears started again, “I can't believe I did that to you, got you into such a state.  I’m so sorry.  I just didn’t realise – no that’s not...” </p><p>“Stop,” he said.  “Don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore.  Let it go.” Picking up my left hand and holding it out in front of us he looked at me, “Here and now is what matters.  And in the here and now, you’ve got that on,” pointing to my wedding band.  Taking my face in his hands, he looked me in the eye, “Forwards only, not backwards ok?  We’re moving forward.  You said yes, we did it, it’s real.  Promise me, no matter what you see on my face in these photos, we only look forward and appreciate that we’re here.  I love you more than you could ever possibly know and I want to see these as much as you do, but if you’re going to beat yourself up over the past, I swear I will pick every single one of those cards up and bin the lot of them. Understand?” </p><p>Nodding, I wiped my eyes again then hugged him tight.   </p><p>“Should we eat while we watch?” he asked. </p><p>“Sure,” I said making a massive effort to get myself under control.  “I’ll feed the dogs if you want to get plates.” </p><p>“Do you want to eat at the table or should we be slothful and eat on the couch?” he asked. </p><p>“I’m easy,” I answered.  </p><p>So, there we sat, both of us eating Thai out of takeaway containers, watching videos and looking at photos of our beautiful day, playing the ‘remember this’ ‘remember that’ game and reminding ourselves how clever we were to pull it all off in such a short space of time.  We were truly blessed.  So, why can’t I do what he said:  let it go. </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>5.4  FIXING MISSY</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>                                                                                                                                                                                        She’s not going to let it go.  I feel it, almost hear it.  She’s inside her head – again.  I feel so bloody helpless when she gets like this.  She’ll smile, she’ll tell me she’s fine, then the sleepless nights will start, appetite will go, she’ll start to withdraw bit by bit, she’ll go through the motions of life, and slowly eat herself up.  Curse whoever took that video to hell and back.  Just when things were going so well.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This might end in disaster but, I think I’m going to try a different approach this time.  We can’t go backwards, not when we’ve come so far forward.  </span>
  <span>Usually</span>
  <span> I’ll let her lie to me, and herself, that she’s fine when we both know damn </span>
  <span>well,</span>
  <span> she’s not.  Well, not this time.  This time we face it head on.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Closing the laptop, I turned to her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I was watching that,” she protested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you weren’t,” I said.  “You were inside your head.  I can almost hear you.  You want to blame yourself for me being terrified? For the look you saw in my eyes.  Go ahead blame yourself.  Because it is your fault.  It’s your fault that I fell in love with you and love you so much I could never leave you no matter how much you hurt me. It’s your fault that I need you and it’s certainly your fault that I want you.  It’s your fault that I never stood up for myself.  It’s your fault that I let you get away with the constant rejection without insisting on a reason.  It’s your fault that I kept the peace for fear of upsetting you rather than worrying about how I felt.  It’s your fault I got so angry with you that I wanted to, and did, hurt you. It’s your fault you have a work ethic as strong as mine that held you here instead of travelling with me, and certainly your fault that I hadn’t considered that until recently.  It’s your fault that I was too weak to stand up to you for fear of upsetting you. It’s your fault that I kept asking for a commitment even though you’d told me to stop.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>With every word I spoke, she flinched as if I were physically striking her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I go on?  I’m sure I can find some more things that are your fault...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She sat there quietly for a bit, her head down rubbing the back of her hand as she does when she’s anxious; I knew I’d pushed her as far as I could for now.  I’ve seen her rub so hard and for so long that she’s actually caused friction burns, lifted layers of skin off and ended up with blisters that needed medical treatment.  It killed me to see the hurt I’d caused, but I was hoping that, as she thought about what I’d just said, she’d see she wasn’t at fault - with any of it.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an asshole sometimes you know that?” she finally said.  “None of that is my fault.  Not one bit of it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you blaming yourself for it?” I asked.  “Because that’s exactly what you’re doing.  It’s what you’ve been doing for years.  What can I do to make you see, make you understand, that it’s not your fault? </span>
  <em>
    <span> I allowed it to happen</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  It’s not your fault.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She sat quietly again, thinking.  Hands moving slightly, lips moving as if talking to herself, head nodding, then I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks and dripping off her chin.  Silently, I handed her the box of Kleenex and she reached out, taking one from the box.  I wasn’t going to ask what was wrong, we’ve played this game too many times.  She wants me to ask, wants me to feel guilty that I’m making her uncomfortable.  Well, not tonight.  She needs to be uncomfortable and </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> she’s been blaming herself for nothing for quite a while now.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up at me through </span>
  <span>tear-stained</span>
  <span> eyes, “It was never my fault was it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking my head, I said, “No.  It never was.  Don’t get me wrong, you’re not innocent, but the majority of stuff you’ve been beating yourself up over, isn’t, and never was, your fault.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“May I?” she asked, holding my arm ready to put it around her shoulder.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> my darling girl, of course you can.  Come here,” I said pulling her close to me.  “We’ve come so far you and I, but I think you just took a </span>
  <em>
    <span>massive </span>
  </em>
  <span>leap forward.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Wrapping herself around me, she sobbed against my chest.  I held her and let her cry it out, she needed to let go of everything she’d been carrying around for years.  Finally!  I let her go for </span>
  <span>a while,</span>
  <span> then held her back so she had to look at me; all I could think when I looked at her was that she was a beautiful mess.  Make up streaked her face, snot trails, red puffy eyes and she was probably about to get pissed but, if that’s what it took, so be it.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You done feeling sorry for yourself now?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her head shot up, eyes narrowed and full of fire. ‘Here we go,’ I thought waiting for her to start yelling...but she didn’t.   Instead she sat back for a minute, mixed emotions crossing her face until she finally said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I probably deserved that.  You’re still an asshole though.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably, but it snapped you out of it didn’t it?  Call your psychologist tomorrow and get an appointment...and don’t argue.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t push your luck Hiddleston, you can drop the tone.  You’ve made your point,” she told me.  She was back.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at her, I smiled, “We good?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re good.  I need a shower, I’m a mess,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While she showered, I tidied up, locked up and went to the bedroom.  She came out of the shower with a raised eyebrow, “Bed already?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought you’d be tired but if not it’s ok.  I’m going to lay in bed and read for a bit,” I told her.  I showered and when I came out, she was laying with a book in her hands, yawning.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I am tired, it’s been a busy day and yes, that did just wipe me out,” she said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Waiting until I’d climbed into bed and got comfortable, she lay her head on my </span>
  <span>chest, “</span>
  <span>Thank you,” she said.  “I needed that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you did,” I agreed.  “Now, can we let it go?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back anymore.  Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door,” she sang spreading her arms in imitation of the character Elsa in the movie Frozen.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You right there?”  I asked dodging her swinging arm.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” she said jabbing me with her elbow so that I jumped.  She then rolled on me and started tickling me.  I swear she’s like an octopus at times, she seemed to be all arms and hands.  Because I wasn’t expecting it, she had the advantage and I was a giggling mess trying to fend her off.  After a minute or so I managed to turn the tables on her and had her pinned down tickling her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You are marvelously mischievous at times my love,” I said to her.  “But I think we should both get some sleep, you’re at the studio tomorrow remember.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <span>remember</span>
  <span>,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I forgot to tell you.  I spoke to Josh about the interview.  He’d like to keep it to about 15 minutes but if it goes longer.  You ask whatever questions you want and, if you’re willing, which I wasn’t sure if you would be, he wants me to ask you a few questions.  I agreed we’d do it.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Visual or audio?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Digital actually but we’re doing it at work that way we don’t have to mess around.  I don’t mind doing audio from home but not visual.  So, start thinking of your questions,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I already have them,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously? Already?” I asked as she nodded. “Damn, that was fast.  What are they?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not telling you.  It’s not an exam you can study for.  I’ll spring them on you at interview time,” she laughed.  “Now, kiss me goodnight.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kissing her goodnight, I waited for her to get comfortable, then rolled her on her side so she could be little spoon with me curled up behind her as big spoon.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You couldn’t have done that before I got comfortable?” she murmured already half asleep.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t have been as much fun,” I whispered against her ear.  “I love </span>
  <span>you,</span>
  <span> beautiful girl.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too my gorgeous husband,” she sighed and was asleep about a minute later.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6.1 Off To The Doctor, 6.2 Concern for Missy, 6.3 Missy the Journalist, 6.4 Missy's Diagnosis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>6.1 OFF TO THE DOCTOR</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Come on sleepy head time to wake up,” I said giving her a little nudge.  </p><p>“Hmm, whassamadda?” she mumbled. </p><p>“Time to wake up my love,” I told her. </p><p>Opening her eyes, she blinked a few times but I could see her eyes just wanted to keep closing.  “Already?” she asked.  “Didn’t we just go to sleep? I need coffee.” </p><p>“Are you alright darling?” I questioned.  “It’s not like you to be so tired all the time.” </p><p>“I think maybe it’s just trying to organise everything for the shop, lots on my mind,” she said. </p><p>“You didn’t have anything to do at the shop on the weekend,” I pointed out. </p><p>“No, but there was the stress of the piano and whether you were going to like it or not.  And finding out you had a surprise in store for me, you know I don’t like surprises.  Probably just a bit stressed, I’ll be fine.  I’m getting up, the walk will do me good,” she assured me. </p><p>I wasn’t so sure the walk would do her good or that it was simply stress.  Thinking back over the last week I was trying to remember how long she’d been feeling tired for. At least 3 days that I could remember.  If she’s still like in a couple of days I’ll insist she see the doctor.   </p><p>“Maybe you should just take it easy this morning,” I told her.   </p><p>“I’m fine,” she snapped, getting out of bed.  “Sorry babe,” she apologised, “no coffee and still tired, I didn’t mean to snap at you.  Honestly, I’m ok.  The walk will help clear my head and get me going then the caffeine will kick in and I’ll be back to normal.” </p><p>We dressed and headed out, me running, her walking.  When I got back home, I found her asleep on the couch.  She’d obviously made coffee and sat down then dozed off.  I don’t think we’ll be waiting a couple more days for the doctor.  I think today might be a good idea. </p><p>“Hey gorgeous girl,” I said giving her a gentle shake.   </p><p>Opening her eyes, she looked around in confusion.  “Did I fall asleep again?” </p><p>“You did,” I answered.  “Darling, I don’t want to nag but...” </p><p>She cut me off, “I think I need to go to the doctor.  Something’s not right.  I’ve been feeling off for about a week but this is ridiculous.  Sorry, I didn’t mean to cut you off.  You were saying?” </p><p>Smiling at her, I said, “I was going to suggest going to the doctor.” </p><p>“I’ll call once they open and see if I can get an appointment,” she said.   </p><p>“How about you don’t come in today?” I suggested. </p><p>“I’ll be in.  I can’t just give in to whatever the hell’s wrong with me,” she answered.  “Hopefully the doctor can see me sometime in the next day or so. Damn, I’ve got the signwriter coming tomorrow.  No matter, I’ll work around it.  I’m going to shower.  I’ll take my car because I’ll be finished before you and...” she trailed off as I sat shaking my head.  “You won’t finish after me?” </p><p>“I thought we’d just go together and come back together and get this interview done.  If you’re not up to it it’s fine, we can do it later in the week,” I told her. </p><p>“I’m good,” she said.  “We should probably get ready; I’ll take coffee with me.  I fed the dogs earlier so they’re good.” </p><p>… </p><p>She managed to get in and see the doctor early.  It meant she had to drop me off, go back for the doctor, then head back to the studio, but at least she’d been seen.  They’ve done blood work and she should find out in a couple of days.  She seemed a lot better when she got back, more energetic, almost back to her usual self. </p><p>She found me in makeup, almost finished the transformation, just the leathers to go.   </p><p>“Tom?  You in here?” she called out. </p><p>“Yes love, just pulling the leathers on.  Come through,” I called out. </p><p>She came through, stopped and smiled. “I never quite get used to it,” she said. </p><p>“Used to what?” I asked.  “This?” pointing to the leathers. </p><p>“Seeing you go in as Tom and come out as Loki.  I know it’s you but you look different.  Same but different.  Good.  You look good,” she said. </p><p>“You’ve always had a thing for the bad boy,” I laughed. </p><p>“You look hot what can I say.  Leather and metal just do something for a girl you know,” she quipped </p><p>“You seem a lot better,” I said. </p><p>“Yeah, it seems worse later in the day and in the morning.  Once I get moving it doesn’t seem to be as bad, I still feel a bit off, lethargic I guess, but nowhere near as tired as I was before. And you were right about the weight, I am losing some. Anyway, just thought I’d let you know I’m here.  I’m going to go warm up and get ready,” she said as she gave me a quick kiss. </p><p>She went off and did her warm up, I was called out on set and didn’t see her for the next couple of hours but knew she was doing ok from the comments I’d heard about the yoga sessions and workouts being particularly grueling today.  Apparently, she was working herself as hard as she was working everyone else...punishing herself for not being at the top of her game.   </p><p>I was doing a costume change and looked out the window to see her out there in her little area, all alone on her mat doing yoga.  I can see from the body language that she’s frustrated and I can see why, her injured leg isn’t letting her get a full extension.  Impatient woman, it’s going to take time I thought to myself watching her.  Totally forgetting I was meant to be doing a costume change, I became entranced watching her go through positions in an effort to stretch the muscles in that leg.  Warrior pose; and there’s the hesitation as the muscle doesn’t want to stretch.  She’s holding it well, just not a perfect stance.  Downward dog to stretch the hamstrings - I know I should turn away because she’s got her back to me which means that cute rear of hers is pointing straight this way and, in that position, I can’t say I’m having pure thoughts at this point.  Holding well, and done.   Now what’s she going to do.  Oh hell.  She’s doing the bridge... </p><p>Storming over to the door I pulled it open hard.  She was unaware I’d been watching her and got a fright, dropping her position. </p><p>“You, in here now,” I demanded. </p><p>“Me?” she said with no idea why I was growling at her.  “Why? What did I do?” </p><p>“Just get in her.  Now.” </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 3.  Blame It On The Yoga available in My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind:  The Next Phase immediately follows on from this chapter. </p><p> </p><p>
  
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  <strong>6.2 CONCERN FOR MISSY</strong>
</p><p>Getting back from the doctors I’d gone in search of Tom just to let him know I was here.  I’d been directed to the makeup and costume area and finally found him almost fully transformed.  Can’t help it, but I respond in ways I know I shouldn’t when I see Loki.  Anyway, moving on.   </p><p>We did our workout session out on the floor and finished off with gentle yoga – well, I called it gentle yoga, apparently, I’m working everyone too hard.  Bunch of princesses; if I can do it with my injured knee, they should be able to do it no problems.  Speaking of my knee, I’m getting seriously frustrated now. No matter how hard I work my quad, I just can’t seem to get it to cooperate.  It’s letting me do most things but I can’t hyperextend for long, and I need to.  I want to be able to do everything I did before I had it ‘fixed’.  In some respects, I wish I'd never had the operation.  It’s great that the pain is gone but recovery is taking longer than I expected.  Never mind, I’ll get there. </p><p>Everyone else had been called to do whatever it is they were all required to do, mostly stunt work, either doing or assisting so I took some time for myself to stretch out and do some strengthening work.  I started doing some resistance work then switched to yoga.  It was while I was doing yoga that Tom decided to frighten the life out of me banging the door and ordering me join him.  I wondered what the hell I’d done wrong this time, thought maybe there was something he hadn’t hit me with last night that he’d suddenly decided he needed to talk to me about.  Better not be anything too much, I was still feeling a little bit delicate from his tirade last night. </p><p>He’d made his point loud and clear though.  I have realised that a lot of the stuff I’ve been blaming myself for wasn’t actually my fault.  I’ll talk to the psychologist when I see her later in the week.   </p><p>When I got to the room with him, I was not expecting him to do what he did.  Pleasant surprise I’ll add, but surprise nonetheless.  I should probably check where he is before I do yoga again...or not!   </p><p>… </p><p>Not knowing what to with myself while waiting for Tom to finish the scene he was doing, I wandered down to his trailer.  I was pretty much done for the day and was waiting for him to finish up so we could get this interview done.  I was looking forward to asking him some questions but not real keen on the idea of him asking me questions, I’ll try and avoid it if possible. </p><p>Arriving at the trailer, I let myself in and sat down looking around, considered making a coffee but decided against it.  Next think I know Tom was leaning over me looking rather concerned. </p><p>“Darling, are you ok? I’m really getting worried about you,” he said, concern written all over his face. </p><p>“Damn, did I fall asleep again?” I asked. </p><p>“It certainly looks that way.  How long have you been here?” he asked. </p><p>“I really don’t know.  I came out here because there wasn’t much I could do in there and I didn’t want to get in the way.  I let myself in, sat down and....well, here we are.  I don’t even remember feeling tired,” I said. </p><p>“Do you feel ok other than being tired?” he asked me. </p><p>“I don’t feel tired babe, that’s the thing.  I felt fine.  I was actually going to make coffee but decided not to then...” </p><p>“...then I woke you up,” he said.  “I don’t know whether I should be worried or not.  What did the doctor say?  I know, I should have asked before but, I got a little distracted,” he chuckled as he tilted my head up. </p><p>“He thinks it’s probably just some sort of virus. I’m not sick, absolutely nothing wrong with me other than the fact I keep falling asleep...and I’m losing weight but that could be anything.  Stop worrying.  I’m fine, just tired. I’ll have the results in a couple of days,” I told him. </p><p>Just what I don’t need, an overprotective husband.  He’s hopeless if I get sick, won’t leave my side and keeps asking if I need anything.  Yes, I know; I’m lucky he’s such a sweetheart.  The only thing is, I can’t stand being mollycoddled when I’m sick, don’t like anyone near me so, of course, we end up arguing.  </p><p>“Are you feeling up to doing the interview or do you want to leave it for later in the week when you’re feeling better?” he asked. </p><p>Did he not listen to anything I just said? I’m pretty sure I just got through telling him I’m not sick.  Why is it so hard for him to get it through his head? </p><p>“I’m fine,” I told him.  “I just got through telling you, I’m not sick.  I’m apparently tired, well so my body appears to be telling me.  I feel tired in the morning and at night but, other than that, I’m fine.” </p><p>Holding his hands up in surrender, he said, “Ok love, calm down.  Just wanting to make sure you’re up to...just want to make sure you’re not going to over do...just wanted to see if you still wanted to do it.” </p><p>“Good save Hiddleston,” I laughed.  “Took you a few goes but you got there.” </p><p>“Didn’t want you to chew my head off,” he said.  “The last think I need is you snarly and in a bad mood with a camera on you.” </p><p>Looking up at him, I questioned, “Camera on me?  But why?  You’re the one being interviewed.” </p><p>“Yes, but you’re doing the interviewing, so you’ll be with me.  What the hell were you planning on doing, shouting the questions across the room?” he quipped. </p><p>“Yeah, about that on camera thing?  I have no clothes other than what I’m wearing and I’m not doing an on-camera piece in gym wear,” I told him. </p><p>“Oh for God’s sake,” he said. “Do you want to do it or not?” </p><p>“Not dressed like this, no!” I exclaimed.  “Would you do an interview in gym wear?” </p><p>“If I could get away with it, hell yes,” he said. </p><p>“Good for you, you’re not the one your adoring fans are going to tear apart for your wardrobe.  They’d excuse it saying you’re a fitness fanatic or that you were in training for a new role.  I wear gym wear on camera and I’d be crucified.  And don’t tell me they won’t; we’ve seen what they’re like,” I stated. </p><p>“What about seeing if wardrobe have got something? Would that work for you?” he asked. </p><p>“I guess.  I just want to get it done and go home,” I said. </p><p>“Wear the Loki gear,” he said. </p><p>“Are you insane?”  </p><p>“Possibly,” he snorted. “Why not?” </p><p>“They’d crucify me.  That’s why not,” I said. </p><p>“Screw them love.  I thought we weren’t going to let anyone dictate to us anymore.  I thought you were done with hiding away and to hell with what anyone thought.  Let’s think about what <em> we </em>  want, what  <em> I </em> want and I want you to wear the Loki gear,” he told me, getting more excited by his idea with every word. </p><p>“Small problem,” I told him </p><p>“What’s that?” he asked. </p><p>“A <em> small </em> problem,” I said touching my head.  “I’m 5’5” you’re 6’2, the Loki gear will swamp me.” </p><p>“Damn,” he muttered.  “I suppose you’re right.  I always forget you’re so little because your attitude makes you seem so much bigger.”   </p><p>As he said this, he hit the door at a run, knowing full well I was going to throw the nearest thing I could find, in this case a pen.  </p><p>“You can run, but you can’t hide,” I laughed, taking off after him. </p><p>We ended up finding an old shirt of his that I put on.  It came down far enough to hide the fact that I was wearing yoga pants, they just looked like black pants.  We bunched the shirt up at the back and wrapped a hair tie around the excess material so it didn’t look too bad and with the camera angle you’d never know.  We weren’t being overly fussy but still, a bit more dressed than gym gear.   </p><p>“Ready love?” he asked. </p><p>“I was born ready babe.  Question is...are you?” </p><p>
  
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  <strong>6.3 MISSY THE JOURNALIST</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Tom will be speaking in normal text like this. </p><p><b> <em> Missy is in bold italics to make it easier to differentiate between the two...and to highlight the questions. </em> </b> </p><p><em> …..................... </em> </p><p><em> “ </em>You ready love?  Comfortable?  I’m ready whenever you are ok?” </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b> <b> <em> I’m fine.  You sweating bullets yet about what question’s I’m going to ask? “ </em> </b> </p><p><em> “ </em>I’m actually looking forward to seeing what you’ve come up with.  Ready whenever you are, I guess.  Oh, hang on.  Are you going to let me ask you any questions?” </p><p><b> <em> “Depends on how long it takes us to get through yours I suppose.  Josh did say around 15 minutes, and you do love to talk.” </em> </b> </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b>Cheeky brat.  Just for that I'm going to make sure I keep it short and sweet so you have to have a turn at answering.” </p><p>“<b> <em> You don’t do short and sweet.  Anyway, time’s  </em> </b> <b> <em> wasting </em> </b> <b> <em> , </em> </b> <b> <em>  although if you want to sit and bicker for another couple of minutes that’s fine because it means we definitely won’t have time for me.” </em> </b> </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b>We’re good.  Ask your questions.” </p><p><b> <em> "If I were to tell you that you could only act in one of the following for the rest of your life, which would it be:  film, television or theatre?  And, why? </em> </b> </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b>You can’t be serious?  Only one?” </p><p><b> <em> “Yes, and you can sigh as much as you want but you still have to answer.” </em> </b> </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b>I’d have to say...what are you laughing at?” </p><p><b> <em> “You.  Straight into interview mode.  Fiddling with your hair, touching your neck, playing with your fingers...you crack me up.  Relax, it’s only me.” </em> </b> </p><p>“I am relaxed but I feel like you’re asking me to choose between children.  I suppose if I had to choose only one, it would have to be theatre.  It was my first love and I enjoy the immediate response from the audience.  And there’s the chance to explore the role further, develop the character more.  With film or tv, when it’s done that’s it; there is no more, plus you don’t always get the chance to do as many takes as you’d like. The director might be happy with what you’ve done, even though you know you can do better but there’s no time to keep going so you have to be satisfied with what you’ve done.  With theatre you know you’re going to play that role multiple times and you learn more about the character as time goes on. Strange as it may seem, there’s more room for error in theatre than there is on camera.  The camera picks up everything. With theatre you can hide to a certain degree, make the odd mistake.  After each performance you think to yourself ‘oh, I can do this here or emphasise that more.’  You just get to really know the person you portray.  What are you smiling at?” </p><p><b> <em> “Your passion for theatre.  Your entire face lights up when you talk of it.  You really should do more of it.  Anyway, next question.  If you weren’t an actor what do you think you’d be doing now?  Not what everyone thought you’d do, but what you yourself would have secretly loved to do.” </em> </b> </p><p>“At one point I probably would have said teacher, but that’s more what everyone thought I would do, and probably what I thought I<em>  should </em> do, and I probably would have enjoyed it.  But if I were to be honest, I’d probably say musician.  Again, the immediate response from your audience.  You’re left with no doubt as to how your performance is based solely on the reaction of your audience.  If you’re having an off day, and let’s face it we all do, they’re going to know and react accordingly.  When I did the live performances a few years back in Nashville, it was addictive watching people dance and clap along in time with the music, knowing that they were doing that because of something I was doing.  Having that connection is...I don’t know, it’s like a massive adrenaline rush. </p><p><b> <em> “Would you like to be able to play roles where there’s music incorporated?” </em> </b> </p><p>“Where I’m playing music or singing?” </p><p><b> <em> “Yes. So, if two roles came along, and both were quite similar characters, would you be more inclined to take the role without the music and singing, or the one with? Given that you were keen to work with both directors, because I know you’d take that into consideration.” </em> </b> </p><p>“I’d probably lean more towards the one with the music element.  Not only is it more of a challenge, but with music being such an important part of my life, it would be nice to be able to incorporate two loves into one role.” </p><p><b> <em> “How do you think acting has changed you as a person over the years?  Do you feel you’ve taken on any personality traits of any of the characters you’ve played, not just during filming, but afterwards?” </em> </b> </p><p>“You know this one’s a tough one for me to answer honestly, and don’t sit there shrugging your shoulders at me.” </p><p><b> <em> “You said I could ask anything, so I'm asking.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Ok, second part first; To a degree, yes.  Loki has been such a big part of my life that I suppose some of his, um, some of his more - are you really going to make me do this?” </p><p><b> <em> “Yep, and you can sigh as much as you want, the question stands.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Fine.  Yes, some of Loki’s characteristics have been known to show from time to time, happy now?  How has acting changed me?  I think it’s probably made me a more positive person overall.  I have to find something I can relate to in each of the characters I play, something I can work with, expand on.  Something I can like about them, or at least empathise with.  Having to do this - look for a positive, has taught me to try and find a positive in every situation on a daily basis.  I’ve always had a fairly positive outlook, even as a child, so it hasn’t been too much of a stretch to continue that into adulthood.  I’m blessed to have the life I have.  I’m not going to say there haven’t been times where it’s been hard to remain positive, like anyone I have my bad days, but I try not to get too bogged down in the negativity.”                             </p><p><b> <em> “What would you say has been the most life changing event for you?” </em> </b> </p><p>“Regarding career?” </p><p><b> <em> “The most life changing event. I didn’t say career or life in general, just the most life changing event.” </em> </b> </p><p>“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” </p><p><b> <em> “Enjoying what?” </em> </b> </p><p>“Making me squirm.  You know it’s hard for me to answer some of these.  I don’t like talking about my private life, yet sitting talking to you it’s just like having an everyday conversation and I’m likely to spill more than I really want to.” </p><p><b> <em> “If you’d rather not talk about your private life that’s your choice. In that case, what’s the second most life changing event?  And do you really think I’d let you talk too much about your private life?  Me? Please.” </em> </b> </p><p>“What makes you think the most life changing event was to do with my private life?” </p><p><b> <em> “I didn’t say that, you insinuated it.  So, are we going with most life changing, or second most life changing?” </em> </b> </p><p>“Meeting you.  That was the most life changing event.  I’m not elaborating on it.   The second most life changing event was being cast as Loki.  That role opened doors that may never have been opened to me had I not been cast in the role.  I imagine I would have done a lot more theatre work than I have, but I’ve been blessed in that, I’ve been given the opportunity to work across all mediums - tv, radio, film and theatre. </p><p><b> <em> “What’s the best thing about being an actor?” </em> </b> </p><p>Exercising your imagination on a constant basis, making the unbelievable believable.   Being truthful in imaginary circumstances.  I want <em> you </em>  to believe that I’m riding a horse along a rainbow bridge, <em>  I </em>  want to believe, that <em>  I  </em>believe I’m doing that.   I’ve learnt to ride horses, I’ve been trained by British SAS forces, I’ve been taught to play music by a legend.  I’ve acted with the best of the best.  I’ve been directed by the best of the best.  I’ve done things most people don’t get to do.  What’s not to love about acting? </p><p><b> <em> “I’m sure there must be a down side. What’s the worst thing about being actor?” </em> </b> </p><p>Some circumstances aren’t imaginary.  Don’t laugh, it’s not funny.  There’s nothing quite like a freezing English morning when you’re standing there in chain mail.  Which, by the way, has a tendency to take on the ambient temperature, so it’s bloody freezing.  Standing in a swamp with bugs and leeches in places you don’t want them.  What else? Having to lock myself away to research a new role and learn lines.  Missing out on family events because I’m away.  Not being in my own bed for months on end.  Above all else, not being with you. </p><p><b> <em> “God you're a sweetheart.  I miss having you around too – most of the time. What?  Why are you looking at me like that?” </em> </b> </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b>I keep telling you that you’re nowhere near as funny as you think you are.” </p><p><b> <em> “Then why are you laughing?” </em> </b> </p><p>“Because you have a very infectious laugh.  But you’re still not that funny.” </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b> <b> <em> Of course </em> </b> <b> <em>  I am.  Are there any roles you regret accepting?" </em> </b> </p><p>“Movie roles?” </p><p><b> <em> “Movie, tv, theatre.  There must be something you regret.” </em> </b> </p><p>“There is but I’m not going to mention it by name.  I don’t feel that’s fair.”   </p><p><b> <em> “Are there any roles you regret turning down?  I know there’s been a few that you’ve expressed interest in, but for one reason or another, haven’t been able to accept.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Of course, there’s always going to be the one that makes you wonder ‘what if,’ but on the whole?  No, I don’t, because the roles I’ve taken on have been the right ones for me at that time.”   </p><p>“<b> <em> If you had a time machine, what age would you go back to?  Would you change anything, do anything differently?” </em> </b> </p><p>“That’s a really good question.” </p><p><b> <em> “I know, and stop laughing at me.”   </em> </b> </p><p>“I can’t help it. You’re not supposed to tell yourself how good your questions are.” </p><p><b> <em> “But they are good, not like the sheep you usually have asking you questions.  I can do those ones if you want...actually no – no I really can’t.  Josh can you edit this bit out please.”  </em> </b>   </p><p>“No, I don’t want.” </p><p>“<b> <em> I think I would have been a pretty good interviewer.  Maybe I could become a journalist.” </em> </b> </p><p><b> <em> “ </em> </b>The world isn’t ready for that.” </p><p><b> <em> “Oh, hush you, answer the question.  What age and what are you changing?” </em> </b> </p><p>“I wouldn’t change very much to be honest.  I’m the person I am because of all the events that have happened in life shaping me into who you see before you.  If I could go back, it would be about 9 years I suppose, and not so much change things, but maybe tweak them a little bit.  If I could take the knowledge I have now back to a previous time, that’s where I’d go.  I’m not going in to the why, because it’s to do with my private life and it’s not up for discussion and besides, you already know.” </p><p><b> <em> “I know I do, but this is about telling other people about you.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Well, they don’t need to know about that.  Sorry, but it’s off limits for interview purposes – even to you.” </p><p><b> <em> “What do you find the hardest when you finish filming a particular role, and is there a certain type of character that’s harder to shake than others?” </em> </b> </p><p>“The hardest part?  Um, wow.  I suppose the hardest part is not seeing the people you work with day in and day out, they become family.  You have to adjust to not seeing them anymore, the same as when you first start filming you have to adjust to not seeing your own family.  Sometimes there’s a bit of a psychological hangover from certain roles, but it’s usually not too bad.  I felt I’ve needed counselling a couple of times, more so that I could have closure than for any other reason.  The hardest ones to shake are the more damaged personalities.  As you know with Coriolanus I went through a period where I found it hard to be happy.  It didn’t seem worth being happy when I had to be so angry, but after a stern talking to myself, I realised I couldn’t let the role affect me. It was a hard one because we were half a world apart, and talking to you some days was almost worse than not talking to you at all, because I was so angry all the time and felt like I took it out on you a lot of the time.  I really could have used you with me at that time.  Surprisingly, the one you’d think would leave a lingering impression, Loki, doesn’t really leave a lasting effect on me.  What?  Why are you looking at me like that?”   </p><p><b> <em> “You and Loki are more alike than you  </em> </b> <b> <em> realise </em> </b> <b> <em> .  You share more than you think.  But we’re not here to talk about that.  Josh, can you edit that bit out too please?”  </em> </b> </p><p>“You’re going to have him editing out more than he keeps at the rate you’re going.  What? Don’t give me the eye roll, you will.” </p><p><b> <em> “Looking back, would you play any role differently? “  </em> </b> </p><p>“Hmmm, another good question.  I don’t think I’d play them differently but I think there’s a few scenes in one particular...there’s a few scenes of a particular character that I feel I could have done better on, if I’d had the chance.” </p><p><b> <em> “Care to elaborate on which character?” </em> </b> </p><p>“No. Next question.” </p><p><b> <em> “Bit narky there  </em> </b> <b> <em> Mr </em> </b> <b> <em>  H.  Ok, calm your farm, I’m done.  Well, I think I am.  Is that enough?  I’ve got more if we need them but I thought that should do.” </em> </b> </p><p>“I’m not narky I just don’t think it serves a purpose to rehash it.  What’s done is done.” </p><p><b> <em> “Did you want to wrap it up there or keep going?  I can keep going it you want.” </em> </b> </p><p>“I think that should be fine.  My turn now.  Don’t look at me like that, you knew I was going to try to squeeze a few in.” </p><p><b> <em> “I don’t think we have time.  Look, see, Josh said about 15 minutes, it’s been about that long already. </em> </b>”   </p><p>“Yes, I can tell the time as well as you can.  I think we can manage one or two.”  </p><p><b> <em> “I really don’t think we need to.  We’ve got enough.”  </em> </b> </p><p>“No, I’m pretty sure we can squeeze a couple in.” </p><p><b> <em> “Stop laughing.  You’re enjoying my discomfort  </em> </b> <b> <em> aren't </em> </b> <b> <em> ’ you?” </em> </b> </p><p>“Payback’s a bitch what can I say?” </p><p>“<b> <em> Oh, for God’s sake, just hurry up then.  And it’s still not funny.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Of course it is, you’re laughing.” </p><p><b> <em> “I’m only laughing because you think you’re all that now that you’re getting to ask the questions.  Ok Hiddleston, do your best. Hit me with it.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Would you ever consider being an actor yourself?” </p><p><b> <em> “Hell no! Not after seeing what you put yourself through.  Seeing how tired and stressed you get, the injuries, workouts, special diets.  No.  I wish people could see what you go through.  I know you say that there’s no lasting effect from the roles you play, and in some respects you’re right, but there is an adjustment period and it’s hard to watch you go through it.  It’s like you seem to lose a part of yourself, only a small part, but you have to rediscover who Tom is, without being ‘Tom playing the role of’...whoever it is you’re playing, without being ‘Tom the actor.’  Watching you try to shake off Jonathon was one of the hardest things I’ve done because he had a big psychological effect on you.  And your soft spot for Loki makes that one hard for you to let go.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Really?  I knew Jonathon had a hold during the series but I thought I shook him fairly well afterwards.” </p><p><b> <em> “You did, but there was still just that adjustment period.  You were a little more withdrawn than usual. It just took you a little bit longer to bounce back. Hank was another one that took a little longer but there was the physical side of that too.  Watching you lose that amount of weight was hell. Probably a good thing I wasn’t there, I don’t know how I would have coped seeing you like that.  As it was, I kept trying to feed you when you got home.”   </em> </b> </p><p>“Yes, I remember. I don’t think I’ve ever known you to spend so much time in the kitchen.  It was very touching.  The hunger was pretty tough to cope with.   I don’t know that I’d be in a hurry to have to do that again.” </p><p><b> <em> “I wouldn’t want you to do it again.  Sorry, but it’s true.  I don’t think I could cope seeing you that thin again.  It was scary.” </em> </b> </p><p>“What’s the hardest part of being married to an actor, from your point?  What?  Why are you looking at me like that?” </p><p><b> <em> “Losing you for nearly a year at a time.  I know, you thought I was going to say the sex scenes or watching you kiss other women, or men.  It’s not.  I’ve seen you shoot them and there’s nothing romantic about them, nothing romantic about ‘put your hand here,’ ‘kiss her like that,’ or seeing you get tickled by another man’s beard, and having so many people standing around watching you.  It’s losing you for months on end, not only when you’re actually shooting, but in the lead up too, as you research the role, learn your lines, the constant meetings, costume fittings...it’s tough, really tough.  I see you but I’m invisible, I can reach out to you but your unreachable, I touch you but you’re untouchable because you’ve gone somewhere else in your mind.  It’s isolating for both of us.  I’m lucky that I had my job and that gave me something to focus on, that’s why it was so important for me to have it.  So yeah, anyway, that’s the hardest part.  But there is a payoff.” </em> </b> </p><p>“Oh, and what’s that?” </p><p><b> <em> “I get to play with Loki - and he’s hot.” </em> </b> </p><p>“You’re incorrigible.” </p><p><b> <em> “I know but that’s why you love me.   </em> </b> <b> <em> Josh, edit that bit out.” </em> </b> </p><p>“No, Josh.  Leave that bit in.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>6.4 MISSY'S DIAGNOSIS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked me for about the tenth time and I was at the stage where I was seriously about to lose my cool.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m as fine as I was the last nine times you asked me.  If I don’t feel fine, I’ll let you know. I keep telling you, I’m not sick.  I feel fine, a little off but nothing much.  I don’t feel sick, I’m not tired yet, I’m fine, I am, however going to lose my cool if you don’t stop asking me how I am.  The doctor isn’t overly worried, I’m not overly worried and I’d really appreciate if you could stop being overly worried,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know and I’m sorry.  I can’t seem to help it.  I’ve never been good when you’re sick...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God, Tom! I’m not sick!” I yelled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.  I just don’t like it when you’re not 100%. There, that better?”  he asked.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What would be better is if we could just go home,” I said.  “I just want to go home.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close, dropping a kiss on top of my head as he usually does.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do about dinner?” he asked.  “I don’t mind stopping to pick something up on the way home.  Or I can cook if you’d rather.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you want babe.  I’m really not that hungry to be honest and before you nag me about it, I had a chicken salad for lunch,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dinner done, dogs fed and freshly showered, we were sitting on the couch, tv on in the background but neither of us watching it.  I think Tom was looking over tomorrows work load and going over his lines.  I had the online form in front of me to register the business name.  I’d had a name in mind for a while now, one Savannah had suggested actually, but I was having a change of heart after something Tom had said.  I was really torn but had to make a decision. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you </span>
  <span>agonising</span>
  <span> over?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Business name,” I said.  “I had it worked out, but I’m not sure now.  I can’t decide between two.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me what they are and I can help you choose,” he suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’ll figure it out.  Feeling kinda tired babe.  Think I might go lay down in bed and read for a bit.  I feel a bit shaky to be honest,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as I </span>
  <span>said I</span>
  <span> felt a bit shaky, the script was thrown to the side and he was beside me in about 2 seconds.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, let me help you,” he said almost picking me up off the couch.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do it,” I snapped.  “I’m not an invalid.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No but you’re bloody stubborn.  Look at you, you can barely stand up,” he snapped back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just get out of the...babe, you better help,” I said as my legs started to shake.  “I think something’s wrong.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You think?  You can’t hardly stand up and you</span>
  <em>
    <span> think </span>
  </em>
  <span>there might be something wrong.  I’d say there’s definitely something wrong,” he growled at me.  “Now, will you let me help you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding my consent, he put his arm around me and helped me to the bedroom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need the toilet or anything before I go lock up?” he asked. “I’ll wait here if you do.  I’d rather be here in case you fall.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m fine.  I just feel shaky, like I have no strength.  I’m fine, just really weak,” I assured him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To be honest, I was beginning to get a little bit concerned about what was wrong with me.  I felt as weak as a kitten.  I had absolutely no strength and just overwhelmingly tired.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay there, I’ll be back shortly.  I’ll just go lock up and then I’ll be back,” he told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like I’m going to get far at the moment,” I said. “I wouldn’t even make the door without ending up flat on my face.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While Tom went and checked the dogs and locked up, I pulled the covers back and climbed in to bed.  Propping myself up, I picked up the book I was reading and opened it but ended up resting it in my lap; it felt like it weighed a ton.  Great, how the hell was I supposed to function and get through tomorrow if I couldn’t even hold a book.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I remember Tom coming into bed, remember him getting into bed and saying something to me then the next thing I remember is Tom disappearing into the bathroom </span>
  <span>and telling</span>
  <span> me he was going for a run and to stay in bed, he’d wake me when he got back.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>That must mean </span>
  <span>its</span>
  <span> morning. Throwing back the covers, I stood and was stretching when he came out of the bathroom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I told you to stay in bed,” he chided.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, I need to pee,” I reasoned as I ran for the bathroom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Coming out of the bathroom, I smiled at him as he leaned against the doorway.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How you feeling?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” I said.  “I’m not shaky, not sore, not tired.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sore?” he asked. “You didn’t say anything about being sore.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just felt a bit achy in my joints, but I’m fine now.  Feel really good actually.  I’ll just get dressed and go for a walk,” I told him.  “I’ll see you back here in about 45 yeah?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you....” he trailed off and put his hands up as I glared at him.  “I’ll see you back here in about 45 minutes.  Take your phone, just in case.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding that I would, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and turned my back on him as I went to get dressed.  Heading out the house, I got halfway through the walk and </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> I hadn’t felt this good in ages.  I’d told him the truth; nothing hurt, nothing felt weak, I didn’t feel tired. Thinking back, I’d been feeling a bit off for quite a while now.  Probably even before the wedding. It was nothing major, just tired, a bit achy, lethargic.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arriving home, I put the coffee on and headed for the shower coming out as Tom came in.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you ask, I’m fine.  The walk felt really good,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not tired?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  I feel great.  Better than I have in ages actually,” I answered.  “You go have your shower.  What do you want for breakfast?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Porridge and coffee, I can do it,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, I don’t mind.  I can get it ready while you shower,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom went off to work and I went to the shop to wait for the signwriter.  I’d sent the forms off to register the business name, having finally decided. Not sure what Tom or Savannah will think, but it felt right to me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t have to wait too long for the signwriter to turn up.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, I hope you don’t mind, Dan asked me to come in place of him.  He’s done something to his knee and rather than have to cancel, asked me to come and see if you’d be ok with me doing the work for him.  I’m Sasha by the way, Dan’s daughter,” she said, introducing herself and holding her hand out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking the offered hand, “I’m Missy, and I don’t have a problem with you doing the work as long as you know what you’re doing which, I assume you would.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We talked about what I wanted and she assured me it wouldn’t be a problem and that she could get a start on it tomorrow if that suited me.  After checking with Savannah that she could be here, I told Sasha tomorrow would be fine.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“9 a.m. suit you?  I can be here earlier if you want,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s fine.  Don’t want to shock Savannah too much, she’s used to a 9a.m. start so we’ll leave it at that.  Thanks so much for coming.”  Thanking her as I showed her out the door, my phone started to ring.  Glancing down I saw it was the doctor.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mean to be rude, but I really need to take this.  Thanks again,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Answering the phone, I was feeling just the tiniest bit nervous about what I was about to find out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there any chance you could come in?” the doctor asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What, now?” I questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s possible, yes.  I don’t want to panic you or worry you but the sooner I see you the sooner we can get you fixed up,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, yeah, sure. Look, I’m just...um, I can be there in about 10 minutes.  Does that suit you?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine.  Don’t stress, you’re going to be ok,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Locking the shop and jumping in the car, I dialed Tom’s number expecting to go to voice mail. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello my darling, to what do I owe the pleasure?” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey you, I wasn’t really expecting you to answer.  Neil just called and wants to see me so I’m on my way now.  He’s got the results of the blood work by the sounds of it,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok? Do you want me to try and get out of here and come over?  Take me a while to get there but I’ll come if you need me,” he told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’ll be fine. He told me not to stress so I’m guessing it’s nothing bad.  I’ll text you when I know.  I love you,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t text </span>
  <span>me;</span>
  <span> you’ll call me.  I’ll have someone listening out for the call and they can just take a 2-minute break while I talk to you.  Let me know as soon as you can.  Actually, call me when you’re going in and put me on speaker.   They can take a break in production for a few minutes, your health is far more important,” he told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting down in the </span>
  <span>doctor's</span>
  <span> office I said, “Tom wants me to call him and put him on speaker so he can listen in, is that ok with you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want him to listen in then by all means,” Neil said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.  Won’t take a minute.”  Dialing Tom’s number, he answered on the second ring. “Hey babe, I’m with Neil, I’m just going to put you on speaker.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Tom.  Things </span>
  <span>going</span>
  <span> well are they?” Neil asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine thanks Neil.  Not meaning to be rude, but what’s wrong with my wife?  I’ve only got a few minutes and I’d like to know before I have to get back.  Sorry for being so blunt,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine, I understand.  Missy, you have hemochromatosis, basically you have iron overload.  Too much iron in your system.  You’ll need an MRI to find out exactly how much iron is being stored in your organs but it explains why you’re so tired, why your joints are sore, the lethargy, weight loss and why you’re having trouble with that leg,” Neil told us.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How do we fix it?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If we don’t get the iron levels down it can damage your organs and, in severe cases, I’m not going to lie to you, it can cause death.  </span>
  <span>But</span>
  <span> we know what we’re dealing with now so we can take measures to fix it.  You’ll have blood drawn regularly to monitor your iron levels and, the more we take the more your levels go down.  You may have to have blood taken monthly for a while; we’ll have to see how much iron you have stored in your system first.  If you’re on any iron supplements, cease them immediately.  You’ll be fine Missy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That explains why I feel fine today.  I forgot to take my iron supplement the last two days. I don’t doubt that I’ll be fine, I’m just glad we know what it is.  Babe, you go, we’ll talk later.  I love you,” I said to Tom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too darling. Thanks Neil, I feel a bit better about things now.  See you tonight love.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, we’ll need to organise an MRI as soon as possible and we’ll take it from there.  You’re going to be fine Missy.  I know, I have it too and it’s easily managed,” Neil said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At least I know what it is.  I kept telling him I wasn’t sick...and you all thought I was pregnant.  I told you a couple of weeks ago, I wasn’t...*smiles*</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 7.1 Feeling Better, 7.2 I Believe In You, 7.3 The Name Reveal, 7.4 Missy's Treatment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>7.1 FEELING BETTER</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Just sit tight for a minute and I’ll see if I can organise the MRI for you.  Might be a little quicker if I do it,” Neil said. </p><p>While he made the call, I was thinking how it made sense that I felt good today given I’d forgotten to take my iron supplements yesterday and today.  No wonder I felt like crap.  I’m not the greatest at remembering to take it which explains the good days and the bad days, but as I felt worse, I was getting better at remembering to take them thinking it might help me get better, little realising I was actually making it worse.  Maybe it’s a good thing I did take them, it might have been months before I’d found out otherwise.   </p><p>“Ok, so you’re booked in tomorrow morning at 10.30am for the MRI.  I’ll give you a sedative to take for your claustrophobia but you’ll need someone to take you and drive you home again.  You can’t go in feet first this time, they need to do a full body scan ok?  They’ll give you the eye mask and ear phones as usual too,” Neil told me. </p><p>“What’s the sedative you’re giving me?” I asked. </p><p>“Just a valium.  It won’t knock you out, just relax you.  I’ve told them you’re severely claustrophobic, they deal with it on a regular basis ok?  Don’t look so worried, the valium will just ease the anxiety.  You have to have the MRI Missy, we need to know what’s going on,” he told me. </p><p>I felt sick at the thought of the MRI.  It was bad enough when I had to have my knee done – and I was fed into the tube feet first for that, my head didn’t go near the tunnel.  This time I had to be in it.  I’m already feeling anxious from the thought of it. </p><p>“Isn’t there any other way?  Blood works, x-rays, CT scan – anything else?” I asked. </p><p>“Sorry, no.  The MRI will tell how much iron your system is storing so we’ve got a better idea of how to proceed.  I need you to understand that, whilst this is treatable and has an excellent prognosis, it can be an extremely serious disorder.  We have to get your iron levels down, then once down, we have to keep them down.  I’ll go into that more later, but just let me tell you – it's a good thing you don’t have a phobia regarding needles,” Neil explained. </p><p>“No, just every other phobia,” I laughed.  “I just thought I’d ask if there was another way.” </p><p>… </p><p>At home, I waited for Tom to come in knowing I was in for the third degree. I’d already sent him a text telling him about the MRI in the morning and saying I’d get Savannah to take me; I was told in no uncertain terms that <em> he  </em> would be taking me <em> .  </em> </p><p>Neil had recommended some information online to check out, so I’d read that and was about as ready as I could be for Mr. Overprotective. </p><p>And here he comes through the door. I heard the keys hit the hall table as he threw them and then his footsteps as he approached.  Coming over to the couch where I was sitting, he sat beside me and took my face in his hands bent forward and gave me a kiss. </p><p>“I’m so relieved it’s nothing too serious love,” he said.  “I admit, I was starting to have some very genuine concerns about what might be wrong with you.  And I can’t believe you’d even suggest I not be with you for tomorrow.” </p><p>“There’s nothing you can do tomorrow babe.  Highly unlikely I’ll know anything until the day after when I go back to Neil.  I’d rather have you with me for that to be honest,” I told him. </p><p>“I’ll be there for both.  You’ll have to hand the shop over to Savannah while you get this all sorted out and, obviously you won’t be coming to the studio until you’re all sorted,” he said. </p><p>Looking at him like he’d grown a second head, not quite believing he’d be silly enough to suggest it I snorted, “Yeah right, like that’s going to happen.  It’s a disorder, a blood disorder, not a life-threatening illness.  I’ll be at work and yes, I will have to hand it over to Savannah a bit but not completely.  Only until I get all this sorted out.” </p><p>“Don’t you think you should take it easy until you get it sorted though, love?” he asked. </p><p>“No.  No, I don’t,” I answered.  “I feel fine.  I’m not tired. I’m not anywhere near as achy as I was, I don’t feel as weak as I did.  Makes sense considering I haven’t had iron supplements for a few days.  Honestly babe, I’m fine.  I’m not going to be stupid about it but there’s no reason for me to not go on as usual. I know once I start having the blood taken, I’ll have to be careful for a while but, I should only start to feel better and better.  I’m just glad it’s nothing too serious.  I did get a bit worried when I couldn’t stand up properly.” </p><p>“Neil gave you valium you said?” Tom asked. </p><p>“Yes, I have to take it half an hour before the appointment.  I’m still nervous about having to go in that tiny little tube.  I know I’ll have the eye mask and music, but the thing is still right above me.  What if something happens and I get stuck in there.  I can’t sit up to get out and there’s bugger all wriggle room.  I don’t think I want to go. I’ll just stop taking the iron and ask them to take blood anyway” I told Tom, justifying it all in my own mind. </p><p>“Doesn’t quite work that way darling.  I know it’s a big deal for you, and I’m not trying to trivialise it but...” </p><p>“Don’t you dare tell me I’m going to be fine,” I said glaring at him. “The rational part of my brain knows I’m going to be fine, but the <em> irrational </em>  side is a lot louder and makes more sense and it’s telling me I am  <em> not </em> going to be fine.” </p><p>“I’ll be with you for as much of the time as they let me be there.  If I could hold your hand while you’re in the tube I would but I’ll be there until you go in and I’ll be waiting for you as soon as you get out. You’ve got this my love, you’re a lot stronger than you think you are,” he told me. </p><p>… </p><p>Later that night, with Tom laying beside me, snoring gently I rolled over for what felt like the hundredth time.  Having had enough of trying to sleep and worrying about waking him, I got up and padded out to the living room. Sitting down, I picked up a magazine and started thumbing through it but there was nothing that held my attention so I put it back down again.  Walking over to the sliding glass door, I looked out into the pitch black.  Before I was really aware of what I was doing, I’d opened the door, let myself out and gone to get my paints and a canvas.  Setting up the easel, I put the canvas up, got the spray cans organised and let myself get lost in the moment.  I’ve no idea how much time had passed but I was blending paints on the canvas with scrapers when I seemed to come back to myself. </p><p>“Go away,” I said.  “I’m fine.  Just let me be and let me do this.” </p><p>“I just wanted to make sure you were ok,” he murmured calmly.  “The last time I found you out here doing this, you weren’t in such a great place.  But then, neither was I.  Can I stay with you?  I’d like to watch you work if you don’t mind.  I know you don’t usually like anyone seeing what you’re doing but, I was hoping you’d let me stay with you.” </p><p>Turning to face him, the night he was talking about fresh in my mind, I nodded, “As long as you’re quiet you can stay.” </p><p>He sat there quietly watching as I sprayed, blended, scraped, dabbed then resprayed, taking the whole process in.  I don’t usually let him anywhere near me when I paint but he needed me as much as I needed him tonight so, I guess it was ok.  I could see he was curious about what I was doing but, to his credit, he didn’t ask; just sat there watching, nodding to himself occasionally as he could see what I was doing and why.   </p><p>I could feel myself starting to tire and began packing the paints away.  I took the canvas down and stood it against the shed wall while I put everything away.  Coming out of the shed I found him standing in front of the canvas, staring at it intently.  Not saying anything, I walked over and picked it up, taking it into the shed and storing it carefully.   </p><p>Coming back out, he looked at me and said, “That canvas – what are you doing with it when you’re finished it?” </p><p>Shrugging, I replied, “I’m not sure.  It might never see light of day yet.  I’ll see how I feel about it when I look at it again.” </p><p>“Would you consider letting me have it for the office?” he asked.   </p><p>“You want it? Why?” I questioned. </p><p>“I can’t explain it.  It just – I don’t know how to explain it.  It ‘speaks’ to me.  Does that make any sense?” he asked. </p><p>Walking over to him and wrapping my arms around his waist, I pulled him close and rested my head on his chest.   </p><p>“It’s yours,” I said.  “That’s why I paint.  My work speaks to me.  If you felt it, then that piece is meant to be with you.  Let me finish it and it’s yours.  You’ve just made me very happy.  Thank you.” </p><p>“No, thank you.  I don’t feel I've explained myself very well but I can hear, feel, I don’t know, but I know it belongs with me,” he shrugged, unable to express what he felt, but it was ok, I completely understood. </p><p>“I’m glad you feel that way.  Now, take me to bed.  I’m exhausted.” </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>7.2  I BELIEVE IN YOU</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Are you walking today darling, or do you want to just rest?” I asked. </p><p>“I think I’ll walk.  I feel fine, anxious as hell, but fine.  I don’t think I want to take the benzo*, I’m just as stressed at the idea of taking it as I am at the thought of the MRI,” she said. </p><p>“Will you be able to have the MRI without the sedation though?  You were pretty worked up about having it <em> with  </em>the valium yesterday.  It’s up to you of course but I don’t want you to stress out, either way,” I told her. </p><p>“I don’t know what to do.  I’ll think about it while I walk.  I just hate the thought of taking benzo’s if I don’t need too, that stuff’s no good for you, plus it takes me back to places I don’t want to go,” she fretted, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth. </p><p>“You sure you want to walk?” I checked. </p><p>Nodding, she said she was sure and thought it might put her mind at rest and help her decide whether to take the valium or not.  I’d rather her not take it to be honest, I think she could get by without it, but I’m not the one with acute claustrophobia so it’s really not my choice.   </p><p>“See you back here in about 45 minutes babe,” she said, tucking her phone into her running belt and putting her air pods in.   </p><p>She set off at a fair pace and I couldn’t help wondering how long it was going to be before she decided she knew better than the physical therapist and started running.  Judging by the pace she was walking at; I’d say not long.   </p><p>… </p><p>Back from my run, I went inside to find her drinking a coffee as she chatted on the phone.  Looking up and seeing me, she smiled, held her coffee up and raised an eyebrow. </p><p>Shaking my head, I pointed to the bedroom indicating I’d shower and change first.   </p><p>Nodding, she smiled and continued chatting, I’m assuming to Savannah, given she was talking about dropsheets and ladders.  Finishing off in the shower I dressed in my usual jeans and shirt and went to join her in the kitchen. </p><p>“Hey babe,” she greeted.  “Coffee and porridge?” </p><p>“I think I’ll have toast instead of porridge but it’s ok, I’ll get it,” I told her as I reached for the bread and put it in the toaster then poured a coffee, “Refill?” I asked her. </p><p>Nodding, she held her cup out to me, “Please.  I know I probably shouldn’t, but I feel like I need it.” </p><p>“Have you decided what you’re doing about sedation?” I asked. </p><p>“I don’t want to take it but I’m worried if I don’t, I’ll freak out half way through it so, I’m going to take it,” she replied. </p><p>“Just remember you won’t be able to drive at all today,” I reminded her, “and I’ll be heading into work after we’re done today, so anything you need to do will need to be done before we go,”  </p><p>“Damn.  I wanted to go check out how the window sign’s coming along,” she murmured more to herself than me.  “Bugger.  What the hell do I do?  Take it and get stuck here or not take it and probably freak out.” </p><p>“Look at me,” I told her.  “Don’t get yourself worked up before you even get there.  You, my darling, are a lot stronger than you think you are.  I honestly believe you can do this without the need for a sedative.  You’re going to have an eye mask on, you’re not going to see anything.  You’ll have music playing.  I believe in you, and I’ll be there as soon as you’re finished if you get a bit uptight.  Believe in yourself the way I believe in you.” </p><p>“And if I freak out and have a panic attack?” she asked.  “Then what.” </p><p>Walking over to her, I pulled her up off the stool so she was standing in front of me.  Cupping her cheeks in my hands, I looked her in the eye, “I believe in you.  I believe you can do it.  Rather than thinking about being in a metal tube, use the time to meditate.  Rather than thinking about lying down, imagine you’re in the lotus position on your mat and meditate.  I know you trust me, please trust me now.  I know you can do this.” </p><p>“Do you really think I can do it?” she asked me, hope and fear evident in her eyes. </p><p>“I really do.” I assured her.  “Change of subject for a bit to get your mind off it and to get you out of your head.” </p><p>She gave a bit of a laugh, “It scares me that you know me better than I know me.” </p><p>“I’ve been thinking, a lot actually, about the lines you want to stock for the shop,” I stopped for a minute, holding my hand up.  “Let me finish before you lose your cool.  I’m assuming you’ll be wanting all the usual frilly knickers, bras, garter belts and the like?”   </p><p>She nodded, “Everything that was there and more; but I want to get better quality stuff also.  Whilst the lines she carried were nice, I’d like to get some high-end stock as well and...” </p><p>I held my hand up, “Not finished yet.  You’ll get your chance to argue with me but just let me finish.  I’m reasonably sure I know what other lines you have in mind and I’m assuming it would all be kept upstairs.  I’m happy for you to have naughty knickers and some costumes but...and I’m standing firm on this, you're not going BDSM   I’m also happy for you to carry basic toys, and I mean basic.  I know it’s your shop but, and I hate that I have to do this, I have to think of my brand.  I can’t have my name being, for want of a better word -’tainted’ - by the stock you carry, because word <em> will </em> get out that we’re the owners.  Ok, argue.” </p><p>She sat quietly for a minute, smirk playing around her lips, “You know I sometimes think you picture me as a 10-year-old with no brain at all.  Of course I know you have to protect your name and brand. I’m not an idiot.  All I wanted was what you’ve just agreed to.” </p><p>Well, that was an anti-climax.  I was all set for a big argument, had my case planned and everything.  She never ceases to amaze me.  She had me speechless for a minute. </p><p>“I don’t think you’re an idiot or a 10-year-old.  I do, however know how stubborn you can be when you get your mind set on something.  No objections to what I just said?” I asked. </p><p>“Nope, none.  Just some naughty knickers - men's and women's, costumes and basic toys, and of course all the usual items for downstairs,” she said.   </p><p>“Thank you for being reasonable about it,” I said, smiling.  “Now, I have to upset you. It’s time to go.” </p><p>… </p><p>She got quieter as we got closer but seemed to be handling it reasonably well.  There was a lot of deep breathing going on but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. </p><p>“Get out of your head.  I’m here, I’ll be with you until you go in and I’ll be there as soon as you're done,” I reassured.  “Meditate remember.  When we get there, we’ll get you prepped then I’ll sit with you and we can start relaxing you ok?”  </p><p>“Yep.”  Was all she said.  You may think I’m cruel talking her out of having the sedative, but I honestly don’t think she needs it.  I believe she’s a damn sight stronger than she thinks she is, and I want her to see it for herself.  She’s come so far in the last 6 months; come to terms with so much, let go of so many negatives in her life.  Hell, if I’d even suggested 6 months ago, we’d be engaged let alone married she’d have picked a fight just for the sake of irritating me because I irritated her by mentioning it. Yet, here we are married, business owners for God’s sake, and managing to not bicker constantly.   </p><p>After parking, we went inside, went to reception and waited.  There were 4 receptionists on duty and one of them looked up smiled, then did a double take, checked her book and motioned for us to follow her.  </p><p>“If you’d like to come this way,” she said. </p><p>We followed her through a doorway and down a long hallway.  </p><p>“If you’d like to just pop in there, put the gown on, remove any jewelry, you can leave your knickers on but you’ll need to take the bra off ok?” </p><p>“Do I need to take my wedding ring off?” She was starting to stress now and reached for my hand. </p><p>The receptionist asked, “Is it pure gold?” </p><p>I answered, “Yes, it is.” </p><p>“Then no, you can leave it on.  Gold isn’t magnetic.  Everything else though ok?  Once you’ve changed, just take a seat here and it won’t be long.  Your doctor said you’re claustrophobic so we’ve arranged for you to have the large opening machine.  Did you have your sedative?” </p><p>Shaking her head, she squeezed my hand.   </p><p>“I apologise for speaking on her behalf.  She hasn’t taken the medication, she’s going to be fine without it, aren’t you darling?” I asked her. </p><p>She smiled and nodded, “Sorry.  Just trying to stay calm.  I’ll be fine once I’ve got the eye mask.” </p><p>The receptionist gave a tight smile and left us.   </p><p>Having changed, she sat on the seat beside me and held my hand. </p><p>“You’re ok,” I assured her.  “Deep breath in, hold, and out.  Again: In, hold and out.  Once more, in, hold, and out.  That’s it, calm, you’re doing fantastic.” </p><p>And she was.  Now, you may laugh but I know she calms listening to my voice so we sat there, her with her eyes closed, focused on her breathing while I recited Shakespeare for her.  No, I didn’t have it memorised, I looked it up on my phone.  By the time they came for her she was relaxed and calm.   I asked them for the eye mask and head phones then requested they allow me to go in with her until she was settled, which they agreed to. </p><p>Twenty minutes later she came out with a smile from ear to ear. </p><p>“I did it!  I didn’t freak out, I got through the whole thing and I was fine.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for believing in me,” she said. </p><p>I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, “I’m so proud of you.  You did great.  All it took was self-belief.  I knew you could do it, <em> you </em> had to believe you could do it.  I told you darling, you’re a lot stronger than you think you are.  Ready to get changed?” </p><p>Nodding that she was, we went hand in hand to the little change room and I waited while she changed.   </p><p>The power of the mind is an amazing thing but, do you know what’s even more amazing?  Belief. Conviction. I knew she could do it but I had to find a way to make her believe in herself, to get her outside of her own head, to stop over analysing and over thinking.   </p><p>Never give up on yourself. Ever.  It’s ok to have the occasional doubt, but only occasional.  Believe in yourself.  You’re stronger than you think you are.  Look inside yourself, you’ve got this...and don’t be scared to reach out to someone either to ask for help, or to offer it.  People love to help they just sometimes don’t know how to go about it.  Talk, reach out, vent...you <em> can </em> do this. I believe in you. </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>7.3 THE NAME REVEAL</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>7.3 The Name Reveal </p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be fine love.  I believe in you,” he told me.  </p><p>Laying on the table, eye mask and headphones on, I concentrated on my breathing, remembering Tom’s voice telling me to stay calm, and cleared my mind.  I remember hearing the noise over the headphones but it wasn’t enough to bother me.  I felt like I’d only been there a couple of minutes when they told me it was over.   </p><p>Walking out to find Tom, he looked up in surprise expecting to have had to come and get me.  Instead, I had a smile from ear to ear, so proud of myself.   </p><p>“I did it!  I didn’t freak out and I got through the whole thing.  Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I said to him.  I think he was as proud of me as I was.  He never stops believing in me, might be something to that.  Maybe I am stronger than I think.  Maybe I’m capable of more than I give myself credit for.  I know at the moment I feel invincible.  I got through an MRI without medication, and without freaking out.  Go me! </p><p>After I dressed, we stopped at reception and were told that the results would be sent to Neil and he’d have them tomorrow.  Walking back to the car, I called Neil’s office and spoke to Jenny, his receptionist, and made an appointment for first thing in the morning.  That way we could get it done with and both head to the studio for work.   </p><p>I then called Savannah, “Hey, how’s it going?  Listen, I was wondering, if I get Tom to drop me at the shop would you be able to give me a ride home later?  It’s ok if you can’t, I’ll just head home get my car and come back.  You can? Great, thanks for that.  I’ll see you soon.” </p><p>“I’m dropping you at the shop?” Tom asked. </p><p>“Yes please, if you don’t mind that is,” I answered. </p><p>“I don’t mind.  Gives me the chance to see what you’ve decided to name our business,” he said. </p><p>“Was that a cheap shot at me because I’ve kept it quiet?” I asked. </p><p>“It wasn’t meant to be but, now that you mention it,” he laughed. </p><p>“Oh, get over yourself,” I laughed with him.  “If it meant that much to you, you know I would have told you.” </p><p>“How?” he questioned.  “You didn’t even know yourself until just over 36 hours ago.” </p><p>“So, I’m a little indecisive.  I got there eventually.  If you thought hard enough about it, you’d have guessed it anyway.  I told you it was something you said that prompted the name change,” I told him. </p><p>“So, what was it going to be?” he asked. </p><p>“I’m not going to tell you until after you’ve seen what I’ve named it because I don’t want you to unfairly judge it.  I’ll be honest, you probably won’t like it but it felt right the minute I heard you say the words and it just got stuck in my brain,” I said.  </p><p>“I’m trying to think what I said,” he told me. </p><p>“I’m getting a bit nervous actually,” I admitted. </p><p>“Nervous?  Why?” he asked. </p><p>“Well, because I don’t know if you’re going to like it.  What if you don’t?  I should have told you.  You’re probably going to hate it. I hope not.  It’s also a bit of a nod to Lo...no, I’m not saying anything, you’ll find out in a couple of minutes,” I babbled.  “Too late to do anything about it now, if you don’t like it.  I already registered the damn thing.  You’ll probably hate it.” </p><p>“You done second guessing yourself yet?” he asked.  “I’m sure I’ll get used to it.  If it stuck in your head then it must mean something.  I still can’t think what I said.  Unless it was when you were tickli...” he trailed off.  “I think I know.” </p><p>“Guess we’ll find out in about 60 seconds,” I said as he parked the car. </p><p>Getting out of the car, we walked over to the sidewalk and stood looking at the window.  Sasha was inside working still and looked out to see us looking in.  Giving a quick wave she continued filling in the letters she’d outlined. </p><p>“So. What do you think?” I asked Tom. </p><p>He turned to me, smile on his face, “Marvelously Mischievous.  It suits you – and I like it.  I also see what you mean by it giving a nod to Loki. You did good love.  I’ll just pop in and say a quick hello to Savannah then I need to get going. By the way, what were you going to name it?” </p><p>“Leather and Lace,” I replied. </p><p>“I like this more,” he said, pointing to the window.  “It suits you.” </p><p>Walking inside I said hi to Sasha and introduced Tom who, after a quick hello, excused himself saying he needed to get to work but wanted to see Savannah.   </p><p>“Hello Savannah, how’s things going?” he asked. </p><p>“Going great,” Savannah answered.  “I’ve had a call about the racks and shelving.  Some of it’s coming today, some tomorrow then the rest will be here early next week.” </p><p>“Wonderful.  Looks like you can go ahead and place the rest of your stock orders, she’ll talk to you about that.  Right well, I’m off.  Thanks for dropping her home for me Savannah, I appreciate it,” Tom said to her. </p><p>“No trouble at all.  Enjoy the rest of your day,” Savannah told him. </p><p>Walking back over to me, he looked around, “It’s coming together bit by bit.  This time next week hopefully you’ll be almost ready to go.  Alright darling, must go.  See you tonight.  I’m so proud of you, you did amazing today.” </p><p>“Thanks babe, I’ll see you tonight.  Much love,” I said. </p><p>Giving me a quick kiss, he bent down and said, “We’ve still got change rooms that we haven’t...” </p><p>Laughing, I gave him a playful push, “Away with you Hiddleston, you’re a bad man.” </p><p>Laughing with me, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, “I love you.  See you tonight.”  </p><p>After Tom had gone, I spoke to Savannah about the conversation Tom and I had had over what we could order in and what we couldn’t.  Luckily for me, Savannah was happy to limit our stock to what Tom said was acceptable.   </p><p>“That’s the type of thing I’d always wanted to carry.  Nothing serious, just the fun stuff, but I wasn’t really allowed to have an idea, always had to make it look like the ideas were hers,” she told me. </p><p>“Not anymore, if you have ideas, speak up, I’m more than happy to listen,” I responded. </p><p>Savannah and I spent time going through what we wanted to order and I got her to show me where she usually ordered from and how to go about it.  I showed her some of the higher end items I wanted to stock and asked her opinion.  She was honest and said she didn’t think we’d sell a lot of the high-end knickers and bras but liked the corsets and body suits.  We were looking at which colours were best to stock and decided to carry a range from beige through to cinnamon and berry. Having taken delivery of the clothing racks, and waited for Sasha to pack up we decided to call it a day, happy with what we’d achieved.  Tomorrow Savannah was going to be here for delivery of more racks and I’d head over after the studio. </p><p>… </p><p>“Hello darling, where are you?” I heard Tom call out. </p><p>“I’m in the bath,” I yelled back. </p><p>I could hear him talking to Bobby and Paddy, telling them they were good boys, then I heard his footsteps crossing our bedroom. </p><p>“That looks rather inviting,” he said, walking in to the bathroom and bending down to kiss my forehead. </p><p>“I thought I deserved it after today,” I smiled as he started undressing. “I’ll make room then, will I?” </p><p>“Considered going to the pub for karaoke night but not sure now,” he said getting in the bath behind me.  “Move down a bit love.  Thanks.” </p><p>“I’d be up for it if you want to go,” I told him.  “Haven’t done it in forever.” </p><p>“I’ll think about it.  But for now – come here you,” he said. </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 4:  'Highjacked Bathtime' immediately follows this chapter and is available in My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>7.4 MISSY'S TREATMENT</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>After showering, again, we got dressed and headed for the pub, deciding to have dinner at the bistro.  We both ordered steaks, although Tom did question whether or not I should be eating red meat given my recent diagnosis.  Neil hadn’t said I shouldn’t eat it, and I really felt like one, so hang it, I was having it.  I just hoped they could cook a decent steak, medium rare for Tom, rare for me.  At most I’ll go medium rare but above that I can’t eat it, Tom will go to medium but even that’s too much for me.  When he cooks my steak at home he laughs and says he just ‘slaps it’s ass with the heat’ then throws it on the plate.  We ordered a drink each, scotch for him, bourbon for me, then went to sit over where we’d been last weekend as it was out of the way and fairly quiet.  As we neared the table, Sparky called out to us.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, how you doing guys?” he asked, offering his hand to both of us.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Sparky, we’re fine.  How are you?” Tom asked, shaking hands with Sparky who then turned to me and shook my hand as well.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Doing good.  Got a bit of a shock the other day when I came out to the shop and </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> who I was doing the work for.  How’s it coming along?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Really well thanks,” I replied.  “Hopefully another week and a half and we’ll be able to open.  I’ll have a better idea early next week.  It’s going to be pretty full on trying to get it finished off but, we’ll see how we go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You here for karaoke?” Sparky asked Tom</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Dinner at least, we’ll see how it goes for the rest,” Tom replied.  “We used to love karaoke but don’t really get much of an opportunity these days, and it hasn’t been easy finding somewhere...convenient.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The rest of the boys should be here soon, if you want to stick around.  I decided to come for dinner myself, but they’ll rock up a bit later,” Sparky said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you here on your own for dinner?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s better than being at home with that bi...sorry.  Yeah, I’ve been eating here a bit lately,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ordered?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’d just sat down when I saw you guys go up.  Wasn’t sure whether to call out or not,” he answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Join us for dinner,” I suggested. “No point in sitting on your own, unless you want to be alone of course.  Sorry I didn’t think, you might want to be alone.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t mind, I’d love to join you.  Been eating on my own a lot lately, so some good company would be nice.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” Tom said.  “I’m not meaning to pry, and please, tell me to mind my own business if you want to but, if you need to talk, I’m happy to lend an ear.  Either of us would be happy to listen. I know you don’t know us, but sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t know very well. Anyway, the offer’s there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Marisol and I are separating.  There. I’ve said it,” Sparky blurted.  “Sorry.  You’re the first people I’ve admitted it to.  The boys know something’s wrong but...well, I don’t really know how to talk to them about it.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have dumped that on you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry that things aren’t going well for you.  Please don’t apologise, we’re both here happy to listen if you want to talk, or if you’d rather just Tom, I'm happy to wander off and leave you to it.  Please don’t bottle it all up inside,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I'm quite ready to talk about it just yet.  As I said, that’s the first time I've admitted it to anyone so, yeah.  But, if I do need an ear, I'll certainly keep you in mind,” Sparky said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom handed him a card and said, “If you send a text message to that number and say who you are, I’ll be only too happy to call you back.  I </span>
  <span>apologise</span>
  <span> for being precious and not giving you my direct number but you have to understand...” he turned to me with that helpless look he gets when he’s </span>
  <span>worried</span>
  <span> he sounds full of himself.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I went to take over but Sparky spoke, “I completely understand, and thank you.  I might take you up on the offer.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We finished dinner as some more of the boys turned up ready for karaoke.  Turns out a few of them considered themselves not bad singers.  We had a few laughs and cheered everyone on but chose to sit the singing out this time, still feeling our way about.  There were a few curious looks but, as happened last time, the boys took care of any gawkers and sent them on their way.  I think there’s the potential for a genuine friendship to develop between Tom, Sparky and Sticks.  They just seem to click.  I’d love it if Tom could have some real friends and not just people that want to use him or be his friend because of who he is.  These guys don’t seem to give a damn who he is, respect his privacy and, to be honest, I’ve not once heard any of them ask him anything to do with his work.  He’s treated just like one of them, and for that matter, so am I.  I can tell Tom feels fairly comfortable here and the smile is a genuine smile, reaching his eyes, not his usual socially polite one.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Calling it a day at 11pm, we said our goodbyes and headed out to the car.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t get the chance to look for a storeroom love.  The bet will have to carry over,” he laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Or we could find somewhere now,” I suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom laughed out loud, “God help me when your iron levels are back to normal.  Do you want to drive love?  I know you only had the one drink and I'd rather not take the chance.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Handing me the keys, he gave me a slap on the butt before getting in the car.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we taking both cars tomorrow or are we going together?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably go to Neils together then head back home, pick up your car and go to the studio.  I’ll more than likely be a bit later tomorrow to make up for the time I’m taking out, we need to keep the production schedule on track, you’ll want to bring your car so you can leave when you’re ready.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re going to be late, I might see if I can get some stuff done at the shop.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be able to let you know once I get here tomorrow.  We may not work </span>
  <span>late;</span>
  <span> we might just do an extra day over the weekend or something.  You feeling nervous about tomorrow at all?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.  Obviously, there’s the fear of the unknown – what if there’s already damage to my kidneys or liver or, wherever.  I’m not worried about the </span>
  <span>treatment;</span>
  <span> I just want to start getting it all done so I can get back to where I need to be.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After our run and walk, we showered, had coffee and breakfast for Tom, got ready and headed to Neil’s office.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on in,” Neil said to both of us.  “How you doing Missy?  Tom.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I just want to find out what’s going on and fix it to be honest.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom held my hand while Neil read the report in front of him.  Putting the report down, Neil looked up and smiled.  “The good news is that you’re not storing excessive amounts of iron.  There’s been no damage done to any of your organs that we can see.  The bad news is you need to start venesection as soon as possible.  They’ll take about 500millilitres of blood and then in about two weeks you’ll have a blood test to check your levels and probably have another blood withdraw.  We’ll check each two weeks to start with until your levels come down. Once they’re down you’ll have 3 monthly checks and depending on how well your body goes it could go down to just twice yearly.   Any questions?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where does she have to have the blood taken?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can just go to the local red cross.  I’ll give you some paperwork so they know what they’re dealing with and, if your blood is suitable and you agree, they can use your blood as they would a normal blood donation.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I still work once I’ve had blood taken? Is there anything I can’t do?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously you’re not going to be lifting weights the day you have the blood taken because you don’t want to bruise or upset the puncture sight.  But I see no reason why you can’t do your normal work.  You shouldn’t be going all out just yet anyway with your knee.  </span>
  <span>You’re</span>
  <span> not are you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, “No, not yet.  Hopefully not too long now though.  I’m hoping this is why I’ve had so many problems with my quad and that once we get this under control, </span>
  <span>everything</span>
  <span> else will just flow on from there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just use common sense. Don’t overdo it the day you have your bloods done and if you feel dizzy, sit down for a few minutes.  You should be fine with your yoga, light training on the day of, and day after your draw but, other than that, life as per normal.  No iron supplements and not too much iron rich food.  Is there anything else?  You can always give me a call if you think of anything.  Once we get it under control it’s really not that much of an inconvenience.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Will I have it for the rest of my life?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, it’s hard to say.  Some people have it for life, others for years.  It’s one of those things that will just show up in your bloods.  Tom, you should be tested also.  You could be a carrier which means with both of you having it, in time if you have children, you stand a high chance of passing it on to them.  If you don’t have it Tom, then there’s still a chance that it could be passed on to your children but they’ll be carriers and not have to go through the bloods, but it could affect their children. But that’s all a long way off.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t think of anything else other than when do I do the first lot of venesection?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll give you the paperwork in a minute but the sooner the better.  I can call them now if you like and see if they’ll get you in now?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I looked to Tom as I wasn’t sure when he had to go to the studio.  “Do you need to go?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I do but I might be able to </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> something.  How long will it take?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The draw itself about 15 </span>
  <span>minutes</span>
  <span> but you need to allow prep time, rest time and paperwork for the first time.  You’re probably looking at about an hour maybe an hour 15.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Call them,” he told Neil then looking at me.  “I’ll call the studio let them know I’ll be a little later if you can get in.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Neil made the call and we were told to go straight down.  Whilst I don’t relish the thought of having it all done, I’m not bothered by needles and just want to get better.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 8.1 I Know My Limitations, 8.2 Trust Me, I Know What I'm Doing, 8.3 Finally, He Gets It, 8.4 The Purple Mess part 1,  8.5 The Purple Mess part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>8.1 I KNOW MY LIMITATIONS</strong>
</p><p>I feel like we can finally breathe a sigh of relief given her results.  There’s nothing too concerning from what Neil has said and it can all be controlled by venesection.  I’m not trying to trivialise what she has, and I fully understand the seriousness of her condition, but by the same token, it could have been a hell of a lot worse.  It’ll be nice to have her back to her old self, even if that does mean constantly walking on egg shells with that hair trigger temper of hers.  I think she’ll get fed up with the bloodwork after the first couple of times but she also knows it has to be done.   </p><p>She was funny when it came time for me to see the name for the shop, the woman never stops second guessing herself. I loved it. Not only does it sum up her personality, I love the fact that it gives a nod to not only Loki, but marvel also.  Let’s face it without marvel, I would never have met her.  If not for filming for marvel in Australia, I wouldn’t have had a chance to have met her.  How different life would have been.  I find it hard to imagine what it would have been like.  I probably would have still been in London, possibly New York doing theater.  I’ll be forever grateful to Joss and Ken for chances they gave me. Not only have I been blessed in my career because of their belief in me, but that belief landed me here in Australia where I met the love of my life. </p><p>I called the studio to let them know that we were both going to be late. They knew part of what was going on as I’d already spoken to them about lightning the workload for a certain very stubborn woman who would go absolutely ballistic if she knew I'd gone behind her back. Hopefully we can keep it quiet and she won’t need to know. </p><p>Dinner at the pub last night was nice and it was fantastic to be able to get out and enjoy ourselves without too many problems.  I hated not being able to give Sparky my number, but I’m not willing to take chances just yet.  I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way that people are not always what they seem, and don’t always have your best interests at heart.   I do feel for the man though, can’t be easy going through what he’s going through.  Both he and Sticks seem like genuine people and I enjoy their company.  Who knows, maybe we’ll be able to become friends.  It would be nice to have someone to just hang out with. Don’t get me wrong I love being in my darling wife’s company, but I know she’d sometimes like some space and I’d like to be able to go out on a Saturday afternoon like we did back home.  Time will tell I suppose. </p><p>“What were you thinking about babe?” she asked.  “You were a million miles away.” </p><p>“Saturday afternoons back home actually,” I replied. </p><p>“You miss them?”  </p><p>“I do a bit I suppose.  I just miss home to be honest.  It feels like forever since I’ve been there. It would just be starting to get really cold at night and the days, whilst cool, aren’t freezing yet – well for most people anyway.  You’re not normal loving the heat the way you do.” I laughed as she pulled a face. </p><p>“Just the thought of a winter there terrifies me. I swear I’d have to wear every item of clothing that I owned,” she said giving a shiver. </p><p>Pulling up in front of the Red Cross blood bank, I parked the car and turned to her. </p><p>“You’ve got this my love.  I know it’s going to be a major pain in the bum for you, but at least you’ll start to feel better soon.” </p><p>“Babe, I have a blood disorder, it’s not terminal, it’s not untreatable.  I’m fine.  It could have been far worse.  I’m sure there’s many people out there who’d be willing to trade places with me.  I’m not at all worried about it and count my blessings that it’s an easy fix. I don’t give a damn about needles so it’s all good.  Right, we ready?” she asked. </p><p>“Whenever you are,” I replied. </p><p>Going inside, she went to reception and handed the paperwork over and was directed to take a seat in a little room.  Thankfully they allowed me to go in with her, so while we waited, she talked about the shop and how happy she was with it all coming together and how she was worried she wouldn’t get it all done for the date she’s planning on opening. </p><p>“There just seems like there’s still so much to do.  I know a lot has been done but, I just feel like next week is going to be crazy.  I hope Savannah’s ready for it and doesn’t quit on me telling me she’s being overworked.” </p><p>“I don’t think you need to worry about Savannah going anywhere darling.  She adores you and would happily put in double the work if she knew it made you happy.  Not only that, she genuinely loves what she does.” </p><p>They came in and asked a lot of questions, took her blood pressure and got her all set up.  The actual blood draw only took about 15 minutes.  Afterwards she was told to just sit for a little while and they brought her orange juice, which she drank then shuddered, and a couple of sweet biscuits, which she politely declined.  Another 15 minutes they came and told her they’d made an appointment for her in two weeks, then two weeks after that, then they’d reassess where she was at.  One of the girls shyly asked if she could possibly get a photo as she had a special needs sister who was a massive Marvel fan and she’d like to be able to show her sister that she’d met Loki.  I smiled and said it was fine, so we spent another ten minutes taking photos and having a laugh and joke with the staff.  Hell, we were late for work anyway, what’s another 10 minutes?   </p><p>“Would you mind if we posted these on social media?” the girl asked. </p><p>“I don’t mind if you post photos of me, but I’d prefer you don’t post photos of my wife,” I told them.   </p><p>“Oh no, I wouldn’t.  I don’t think it’s right, especially after the run in with the paparazzi.  No, just you if that’s ok,” she said. </p><p>“Yes, that’s fine,” I told her with a smile. </p><p>… </p><p>Getting out the car at the studio we both went to get changed, her with strict instructions from me to not overdo it at all as I didn’t want her passing out.  We were going to go and get her car but given we ended up being as late as we were, it was decided that she’d come back later and pick me up when I was finished.   </p><p>She was told there probably wouldn’t be too much of a noticeable difference in her health until after the next lot of blood was taken so not to expect miracles...they don’t know my wife yet obviously.  She’ll not only expect a miracle but want to know which one of them is going to perform it.  In the meantime, I have the almost impossible task of stopping her from thinking she’s 6 feet tall and invincible.  Wish me luck as it’s never worked in the past.  And it’s looking highly unlikely it’s going to this time. </p><p>“What the bloody hell are you doing?” I asked. </p><p>“Working out,” she replied. “What’s it look like I'm doing.” </p><p>“I seem to recall you being told to take it easy.” </p><p>“I am,” she replied. “I’m not lifting weights, I’m not running.  I’m not allowed remember.” </p><p>“Darling, I don’t think this is...” she held her hand up. </p><p>“Again, think back a couple of days.  I’m not a 10-year-old, Tom.  I know my limitations, trust me.  Just let me do it my way ok.  I know you’re worried about me and your concern is very touching but honestly, I’m fine.  I know what I'm doing.  I’ve been doing this for a living for a long time now.” </p><p>She had a point.  The only one who really knew her limitations was her.  I was going to have to trust her to not overdo it.  She <em> did </em> know what she was doing; as she said, she’s been doing this for a long time and knows exactly how hard to push people.  I know she’s harder on herself than she is on her clients but, she’s not stupid.   </p><p>Putting my hands up in surrender, I backed down.  “I know you’re not and I apologise for being over protective.  I know you know what you’re doing.  I’ll just fade into the background and leave you to it.” </p><p>“I appreciate you being over protective babe, really I do and I know you do it with all the love in the world and the very best of intentions, but it’s time to let me look after me again. My knee is just about right.  My head is way better than it was. I love you more than I'll ever be able to put into words, but you’re my husband, not my father.” </p><p>Ouch. Point taken. </p><p>Smiling, I cupped her cheek with my hand and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips, something neither one of us rarely allowed in public.  I know, I hear you screaming ‘but what about what you do in the broom closet?’...that’s different, no one sees that - they can see me kiss her.  Breaking away from her, I rubbed her nose with mine as we both smiled – and then heard: ‘dressing room’s that way if you need a room.’ </p><p>Cheeky bugger! </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Typical, one of the few times we have a quick kiss in public and we get busted.  I know it’s not a big deal but it’s just something neither one of us have ever really been comfortable with.  Silly when he corners me in broom closets, storage rooms, dressing rooms, change rooms...you get my drift.   I’m not stupid enough to think people don’t know what we get up to – of course they do – but we still have that illusion of privacy.  At least with the kiss it’s people we know, I guess. </p><p>“Oh, hush you,” I laughed as I turned to Daniel, the set production assistant.  “At least it was only a kiss this time.” </p><p>“Yes, thank God,” he said. “i’m scarred for life. They’re ready for you Tom.  Because you were a bit later than we thought, there’s been a scheduling change but they’ll talk to you about that.  We’ll be wrapping early today and they’ve scheduled a 14 hour for early next week.” </p><p>“I had a feeling something like that might happen,” Tom said. “Ok, I’ll be there in just a minute.” Turning to me he said, “You may as well just hang around love, no point in going to come back.  We’ll probably finish around the same time.  You’ll get your long day at the shop like you wanted, at least.  Hopefully you’ll have stock to organise.” </p><p>“Should have, Savannah’s ordered a heap of stuff.  Now I just have to hope that it’s a success and my bank account recovers...and yes, I know you’re happy to give me money but, as you know, I don’t want your money.” </p><p>“Wasn’t going to go there, I know better,” Tom chuckled. “Ok love, I’ll get to it and see you a bit later.”   </p><p>Turning a little he saw Daniel waiting, so turned back and gave me another quick kiss, smirking as he did so.  “Sorry darling, couldn’t help myself. </p><p>Laughing at the expression on his face as he walked off, I turned back to continue the workout the man had so rudely interrupted earlier while I waited for my group to show.  I’d got word that they wanted to change things up a bit, and that instead of having set times for everyone, they’d decided to allow those who weren’t needed for a while to come over and train when they wanted.  Didn’t really bother me how they did it as I know I’m only there to shut Tom up anyway.  Sure, the crew are taking advantage of having me there, but I know damn well they can do without me. I don’t mind because it’s giving me a chance to work on my own fitness as well as train them and if it keeps Tom happy then it’s worth it.   </p><p>I’m looking forward to the weekend.  Just a chance to unwind and relax, and I’m making sure it’s something we both do because we’ve got a really busy week ahead of us.  I have to get Tom to the doctor for a blood test so we can find out if he has hemochromatosis or not so we can be aware for if we ever have kids.  No idea whether it will ever happen or not, as neither one of us have done anything to prevent it from happening in the last 5 years and nothing’s happened.  It would probably help if we were in the same country more than we have been. We’re not stressing about it, if it happens it happens and if not, then so be it.  </p><p>I know it’s too soon for the venesection to have made a difference but even having stopped my iron supplements has made such a difference.  I feel energetic again, beginning to feel stronger and not so run down all the time.  I think I might have gained a pound of two, which will make Tom happy.   </p><p>Finishing off the workout part of my routine, I turned my attention to the yoga side of things.  This is where the weakness really shows.  I ran through a few different positions, then came the warrior pose, I held it for a little while but felt my leg start to shake, a sure sign that the muscle had had enough and was letting me know it was tired.  So bloody frustrating! Why can’t it just work already?  I changed positions and did the downward dog, just to stretch out my hamstring before giving the warrior another go.  10 seconds in and I knew my quad really was telling me enough.  For once, I’m listening.  I don’t want to press my luck.  I’ve got a little further with it but don’t want to overwork it and take a step backwards, it’s just not worth it.  Down to the lotus position. I’d crossed my legs and was just about to put my feet up on my thighs when I felt eyes on me.  Looking up, I saw Tom with a massive grin on his face. </p><p>“What’s up with you?” I asked. </p><p>“You,” he answered. </p><p>“Me?  What did I do?” </p><p>“It’s what you <em> didn’t  </em>do,” he said. </p><p>“Ok, what didn’t I do?”  </p><p>“You didn’t push yourself.  I’m sorry love but I just wanted to make sure you meant what you said about not overdoing it,” he replied with a sheepish look on his face.  “I’ve been watching you.  I thought you were going to push yourself when you got the shakes.” </p><p>“I told you; I’m not an idiot.  I really do know my limitations, and while I'm frustrated, I’m not going to risk it.  Please will you trust me to know what I’m doing?” </p><p>“I do, and I’m sorry,” he told me. </p><p>Sighing heavily, I looked up at him, “Look, I know I lost it a bit with my knee ok?  I didn’t cope well and probably should have spoken to the psychologist about it sooner than I did.  I know I lost my mind for a bit, and with you losing yours it just didn’t put me in a great place, then this whole blood thing.  But I feel so much better.  Please, let me do it my way without watching over me.  I don’t know how many ways I can say I know what I’m doing.” </p><p>He walked over to me and sat down in front of me. </p><p>“I’ve never thought you were an idiot.  Impulsive yes, determined – definitely, careless at times, and stubborn beyond belief but never an idiot.  I know I hover and worry too much but I just want what’s best for you and sometimes, when your head’s not in the best place, you don’t know what’s best for you.  I can see that at the moment that’s not the case.  I’m sorry if I upset you.  I’ll back off and leave you to it.” </p><p>“You didn’t upset me.  Just frustrate me sometimes.  I don’t want you to back off and leave me alone, I just want you to trust that I know what I'm doing, ok?” I said. </p><p>He booped me on the nose, smiled and stood up.  “I do.”  </p><p>… </p><p>Work done for the week, I rang Savannah to see how everything was going and apologising for leaving it all up to her today.  She assured me it was all fine.  I explained how hectic next week was going to be and, as such, told her she was to stay away from the shop for the weekend and enjoy the time with Theresa.  I told her Tom and I were putting a ban on the word ‘work’ for the weekend and we’d worry about it all come Monday, until then the world consisted of us and us alone...unless we chose to go out but there was to be no mention of work or the shop and I suggested she and Theresa do the same. </p><p>“So, my love,” he said. “What would you like to do tonight and is there anything you wanted to do on the weekend?” </p><p>“Actually, there is,” I told him. </p><p>“And what’s that?” </p><p>“I want you out of my hair for a couple of hours tomorrow afternoon.  I want to finish that painting and I don’t want you hovering over my shoulder while I do it so I want you to go find something to do,” I told him.   </p><p>Ok, so it was half true.  I did want him to go out for a couple of hours but not necessarily because I wanted to finish the painting. I was hoping he might go to the pub for a couple of hours and hang out with the boys, or at least go see Sparky and see how he was doing.  I’d get around to the painting whether he was here or not but after what he said the other day about missing his Saturday afternoons back home, I think he needs to get out and be one of the boys for a while.   </p><p>“What am I supposed to do with myself?” he asked. </p><p>“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” I said. </p><p>“I suppose I could go to the pub for a bit, see if any of the boys are there and play some pool,” he said. </p><p>“Up to you babe but let’s worry about that tomorrow.  For now, let’s just forget there’s an outside world."</p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>8.3 FINALLY, HE GET'S IT</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Having enjoyed a very rare sleep in, I rolled over to find the bed empty and the sheets cold, meaning she’d been up for a while.  Stretching, I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair which was getting rather long.  I’ll admit, I’m looking forward to cutting it.  Going to the bathroom, I performed my morning ablutions then went to go to the kitchen in search of coffee, which I assumed would be ready. Wrong assumption.  No coffee, no noise, no wife, no dogs.  She must have gone for a walk.  Not like her to not wake me and tell me she was going, or at least leave a note.   </p><p>Checking whether the dog harnesses were still here I found they were.  Odd.  I dialed her phone but it rang out.  Standing still, I listened for any telltale signs of noise from anywhere and sure enough there was an almost inaudible thud, thud.  Shaking my head, I made my way out to our home gym where I found Bobby and Paddy laying down in front of the almost closed door.  On seeing me, they both jumped up and came over for a rub and pat.  “Good boys.  What’s going on in there?  Do I want to know?  Probably not,” I asked the dogs as I answered my own questions.   </p><p>Peeking in the door to see what she was up to; I could only stand and shake my head.  So she was told no running, apparently jogging doesn’t count as running as far as she’s concerned.  I was just about to say something when she slowed down to a fast paced walk, then dropped it down another notch to a brisk walk.  Hands on either side of the display panel, she jumped placing her feet either side of the moving belt on the treadmill.  Rather than say anything, I stood and watched for a little while to see what she was about to do.  She flexed her leg a few times, bent it so her foot was behind her touching her butt, then extended it out in front.  Bouncing a couple of times, she jumped back on the moving belt and started to jog.  I can’t say I was thrilled after all she’d just done to assure me she wasn’t being silly and that she knew what she was doing. </p><p>Again, I was just about to go and pull her up, and again she slowed down to a fast paced walk, then dropped it down to a brisk walk and that’s where she stayed.  She was only doing 30 second stints at a jogging pace then slowing to a walk.  Ok, maybe I was wrong.  Maybe she does know what she’s doing.    </p><p>Getting ready to turn away I heard, “I told you, I know what I’m doing.  You don’t need to spy on me.  30 second stints every 90 seconds for 5 minutes.  Not enough to overdo it but enough to let the muscle know it needs to wake up.” </p><p>“I wasn’t spying on you.  I didn’t know where you’d got to and came looking.” </p><p>“You’ve been standing watching me for the last 3 minutes,” she said.   </p><p>“I was...I thought...I wasn’t...” </p><p>“Don’t even try to justify yourself,” she said as she turned everything off and headed towards me.  “You might have come to look for me initially, then finding me doing what you figured was the wrong thing, you were just waiting for you chance to have a go at me.  As I keep telling you, I know what I’m doing.  You’re really starting to piss me off.”  </p><p>And with that she barged past me and headed for the shower.  I ran after her to try and talk to her but all I got was the hand held up and I knew better than to keep going unless I wanted her to get cranky. </p><p>Hands up, I stopped and backed away deciding making coffee was a safer bet.  Obviously, she hadn’t had any yet and it was probably wise to soothe the savage beast with caffeine and music before attempting to tackle that particular topic of conversation again.   </p><p>Waiting for her to come out the shower, I stood holding a cup of coffee out as a peace offering.  She took it from me as she walked by and took a big gulp then turned to me, “How long have you known me?” </p><p>“Long enough to know I’m about to get an ass kicking,” I replied. </p><p>“And how long have I been a personal trainer?” </p><p>“What was I supposed to think when I see you doing something you’re not supposed to be doing?” I asked. </p><p>“No one said I can’t. I’m not allowed to run, especially on the road.  I was jogging on a treadmill,” </p><p>“Yes, but you have to see it from my side.  You were told not to, sorry – you were <em> advised  </em>not to run and yet here you...” She held her hand up.  “What?” I asked. </p><p>“Do I tell you how to act?  Do I come up and say to you ‘but you were taught to do it this way’ while you choose to do it your way?  No, because I trust you to know what you’re doing. I trust you to make the right decision for that particular situation.  I trust that you’ve been doing your job long enough that you know what you’re doing.” </p><p>Ok, she’s got me there.  She never interferes in my job – never.  Even when I’ve asked for advice she just smiles and tells me to do what I know best and yet... Oh my God, she’s right.  I’m behaving more like an overprotective father than a husband. </p><p>“What revelation did you just have?” she asked.  “It was like a light bulb just went off over your head.” </p><p>“I’ve just realised you’re right.” </p><p>“Well duh,” she laughed, “I’m always right, but what was I right about this time?” </p><p>“Don’t push your luck, you cheeky brat,” I said. “I just realised I'm behaving more like an overprotective father than I am your husband.” </p><p>“Hallelujah,” she said to the sky.  “Finally!” </p><p>… </p><p>We both tidied up around the house, did laundry and all the other domestic duties that needed done then did a coin toss to see which one of us was going to go online to do the grocery shopping, neither of us feeling inclined to head to the store or really wanting to spend time online doing the shopping either. </p><p>“You do it, I never know what you want me to get,” she said to me. </p><p>“No, because I always forget the things you want, so you’re better off doing it.” </p><p>“There’s nothing I want,” she replied.  “You do it, I'm going out the back.” </p><p>“What are you doing out there and no, you do it.  Honestly love, I've no idea what you want me to get.” </p><p>“Oh, for goodness sake, you’ve gone from being overprotective father to sooky little boy in the space of 2 seconds,” she ranted. </p><p>Trying hard not to laugh at the exasperated look on her face, I did at least have the decency to look sheepish.  “I’m sorry...” </p><p>“No! You’re not!” she exclaimed.  “I’m quite convinced you enjoy pissing me off.  Why don’t we both do it, that way we can both be miserable.” </p><p>“Fine, we’ll both do it.” </p><p>We eventually got it done and were told we should have a delivery by 6pm.  She was going to be home all day but if she’s painting, she’s not going to want to stop to let them in. </p><p>“I won’t worry about going out later love.  I’ll stay locked up inside somewhere away from you so I can get the groceries when they come, that way you don’t have to stop painting...if you’re still planning on painting.” </p><p>“Yes, I am planning on it but you’re going out.  I’ll listen out for the delivery man.  I’ll have to open the gates anyway, so I should hear the buzzer and I don’t want you looking over my shoulder while I finish that painting.” </p><p>… </p><p>Mid afternoon she turned to me, “I’m going out to finish off the painting.  Why don’t you go see if the boys are at the pub, have a game of pool or something?  If you end up having a few drinks just give me a call when you’re ready to come home...oh no, that won’t work.  I have to wait for the groceries. Oh well, either don’t drink of stay there until after the groceries get here.” </p><p>“I’ll have one or two and that’s it.  I’d rather be here with you to be honest.  You sure you want me to go?” I asked hopeful that she’d change her mind. </p><p>She came up to me, stood on her tiptoes and cupped my face in her hands, “Go, have a good time.  Trust me, you’ll enjoy it more than you think you will and hopefully by the time you get back I’ll have finished the painting.” </p><p>Reluctantly, I agreed to go, gave her a kiss goodbye and headed out.  Arriving at the pub, I went to the bar and got a pint then wandered out to the pool room.  I’d no sooner put my pint down and had a pool cue thrust at me. </p><p>“You and Sparky up against me and Smithy,” Sticks said.  “You up for it?” </p><p>“I suppose so.  Good to see you again,” I said greeting each of them. </p><p>They had a bit of a chuckle then Smithy said, “The boys don’t tend to stand on ceremony with mates.  No need to greet everyone individually.  A collective ‘G’day’ is all that’s expected.  Now, you taking a shot or you gonna stand there and attempt to look pretty?” </p><p>And with that, I was accepted as one of them. </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>8.4 THE PURPLE MESS  (part 1)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Checking the time, I realised I'd been here for two and a half hours and figured it was probably about time to head home.  Amid much ribbing about being under the thumb and needing to get home, I said my goodbyes – not, I hasten to add, to every single person, but a collective ‘see ya’ - which is apparently the way things are done in Australia, then headed for the door.   </p><p>Driving home, I had to admit she was right when she said I’d enjoy myself much more than I thought I would.  I’d had a great time just being in that kind of environment.  My pool skills were returning bit by bit and I was enjoying playing.  Maybe we could get a pool table, goodness knows we’ve got plenty of space to put one.  We could put it in the games room that currently has game consoles set up, but as neither of us are really gamers, it’s just a waste of space and the door remains closed on it most of the time.   Warming to the idea, I thought I'd raise the subject when I got home. </p><p>Speaking of home, I’ve no idea what she wants to do tonight.  We didn’t really get past discussing plans for this afternoon.  I couldn’t wait to see the finished painting.  Hopefully she’s happy with it and I’ll get to have it. If she’s not happy with it, I’m just as likely to find it in the bin.   </p><p>Pulling up in the driveway, I couldn’t help myself and glanced at the wheely bins.  No canvas sticking out the top; that has to be a good thing.  Opening the door, I threw my keys on the hall table then closed and locked the door.  Turning back around I was greeted by Bobby and Paddy, both with their tails wagging and sniffing the bottom of my jeans.  “What can you smell?” I asked them both as I bent down and gave them a scratch behind the ears.  Speaking of smells; I can smell something cooking.  Well, I’m assuming its cooking. It’s not a smell I recognise other than it’s a sweet smell.  I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. </p><p>Making my way into the kitchen I was not prepared for the sight before me.  Hanging off one of the cupboards was a bag with a deep purple liquid dripping into a bowl underneath it, there were jars and bottles lined up along the bench – the jars were slowly being placed into the oven.  There was a huge pot on the burner and purple stained spoons, containers and blender thrown in the sink.  An open bag of sugar, scales and measuring cups strewn along another bench with what appeared to be lemon juice, judging by the juicer, sitting in a jug.   </p><p>“Hello darling?  Might I ask what the bloody hell happened in here and what you’re doing?”  </p><p>She turned to look at me and all I could do was laugh out loud at the sight of her.  Walking over to her I said, “What <em> have </em> you been doing?  You’re covered in purple.” </p><p>“Hey babe,” she answered in cheery voice.  “I’m a mess I know, but that mulberry tree out the back was covered in fruit and I went out and picked some then had this brilliant idea to make jam and cordial.” </p><p>Still laughing, I ran my thumb across her lips, “And how many have you eaten my love?  You’re stained purple all over your lips, your hands are a mess and you’ve got juice sprays up your chest.  The kitchen looks like a disaster zone and you’re an absolute mess and I don’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful than you do right now.” </p><p>“Oooo, bugger,” she said.  “Don’t distract me, I have to stir or it’ll stick or something.  I can’t remember exactly what it said, but I know I have to stir it.  Here, make yourself useful and put those jars in the oven.” </p><p>Doing as I was instructed, because who am I to argue, I put the glass jars in the oven.  “Why am I putting jars in the oven darling?” </p><p>“So they don’t crack when I put the hot jam in them.  I haven’t got a thermometer so can you put that little plate in the freezer.  The recipe says I have to put it in the freezer and put some of the jam on it to check if it’s ready by pushing it and if it wrinkles it’s ready.” </p><p>“Sounds reasonable but what the hell is that?” I asked pointing to the dripping mess coming out of the suspended bag.   </p><p>“That’s going to be cordial,” she answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “The juice has to drip out of the bag then I have to put it in a pot with sugar and boil it.  Seemed easy so I thought I’d try.” </p><p>“I’m impressed that you’re giving it a go but what made you want to do it?” </p><p>“Seeing all that fruit on the tree made me realise how much of a waste it was.  I thought why not try and do something with it.” </p><p>“I can see you’ve been painting too.  You’ve still got blue paint on your forehead and in your hair.” </p><p>“That’s ok, it’ll wash out eventually.  I think you’ll like the painting, it’s not my best work but it’s ok.  It looks similar to the one you insisted on hanging in the bedroom,” she said, stirring the contents of the pot constantly.  “I’ll show it to you after I finish doing this.” </p><p>“How long is that going to be hanging there?” I asked pointing to the suspended bag. </p><p>“Until I can get the juice out of it, which won’t be until after I finish getting this made. It’s been on for about 18 minutes and the recipe said to start checking it after 20 but I think I want to check it now,” she said.  “Can you get the plate out of the freezer please?” </p><p>Getting the plate out, I dutifully carried it over to her and watched as she scooped some of the bubbling liquid onto a spoon and smeared it across the plate.  </p><p>“Put it back for a minute,” she instructed, setting the timer on the microwave. </p><p>Returning the plate to the freezer, I figured I may as well stand and wait to get it back out because I’m sure that would be my next instruction.  The timer went off and I pulled the plate out and carried it to her and watched as she pushed the purple liquid.   </p><p>“Not yet.  Can you put it back for me please?” she asked. </p><p>“What are you checking for?” I asked becoming genuinely interested in the process. </p><p>“It has to wrinkle when I push it according to the recipe.  That didn’t wrinkle, only separated so it’s not ready.  I’ll give it another minute.  Apparently, it happens quickly when it happens.” </p><p>We stood there testing for the next couple of minutes until she was satisfied her test spoonful ‘wrinkled’ rather than separated.  I must admit, even I could see the difference.   </p><p>“What now?” I asked. </p><p>“Scoop all that scummy looking stuff off and then put it in the jars,” she answered. </p><p>Together we set up a bit of a production line, where I got the jars out of the oven, she filled them then I put the lids on and moved them out the way.   </p><p>We both tidied up the mess that was there then she turned to the suspended bag that was dripping the purple liquid.  </p><p>“So, what do we do with this?” I asked. </p><p>“We get as much juice out as we can,” she answered.  “But it’s going to be messy so if you want to help you might want to change your clothes or strip.” </p><p>Stripping down to boxer shorts, I folded my clothes as I asked, “What do you want me to do love?”  </p><p>I got no response, so asked again as I turned around and found her looking me up and down, “Was there anything you wanted me to do?  Hello, darling.”   </p><p>“Um, yeah, there is something I want you to do but that’s going to have to wait until we get this done.” </p><p>“What did you want me to do, maybe I can do that while you start doing......ohhhhh, right yes, I see.  Well, that will have to wait,” I said as I realised what she meant. </p><p>“You have no right to come into my kitchen looking hot as hell and upsetting my equilibrium you know.  Why is it, after so long with you I still find you irresistible?” she said more to herself than me.  Smiling, because I felt exactly the same way about her, I watched as she gave herself a mental shake and returned her attention to the task at hand, extracting the juice out of the pulp that was in the bag.  Wrapping her hands around the bag she gave it a squeeze and we were both surprised by the amount of liquid that fell into the bowl beneath.  Holding her hands up, she looked at the sticky purple mess that was running up her wrists then she looked at me and smirked. </p><p>“Don’t you dare,” I said jumping back. </p><p>“But I want a hug,” she said, evil smile firmly in place.   </p><p>I can’t help but feel this is going to get very, very messy. </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 5 Mulberry Mischief available in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase follows on from this chapter.</p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>8.5 THE PURPLE MESS (part 2)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As we were both already a mess after she decided she needed to hug me, we thought it best to just make the cordial before going for a shower.  Gently squeezing the pulp in the bag, she extracted what appeared to be a large amount of mulberry juice that splashed into the bowl.  Once she’d squeezed out all she could with her hands she began twisting the bag, pushing more juice out.  It was quite erotic watching the way her hands moved on the bag and I found I needed to stop watching and focus on something else for a while.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you want me to do anything?” I asked, clearing my throat before I spoke.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Giving me a sideways glance, she smiled a knowing smile, “Sure, you can rinse those bottles under hot water for me then fill them with boiling water and just leave them sit.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finally finished with the pulp, she untied the bag from its hanging place and dumped it in the sink.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s that going?” I asked nodding at the bag.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to compost it,” she answered. “I’ll just run it outside.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lifting it into another bowl so it didn’t drip everywhere she headed for the door.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going out like that?” I asked, smirk on my face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Holding the bowl up, she looked down at herself then back up at me, “And what’s wrong with the way I look?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely nothing as far as I’m concerned, but it’s probably advisable to just put all of that outside the door for now and either leave it </span>
  <span>til</span>
  <span> later or um...cover up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing heavily, she looked at me, “And who’s going to see me? We’re behind an </span>
  <span>8-foot</span>
  <span> wall for goodness sake.  I’ll be fine.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking my head, smile on my face as she let herself out the door to go dump the pulp in the compost bin, I called out, “People can climb you know.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While she was out doing that, I grabbed some kitchen towel and wiped down the splashes that had been left behind on the benchtops.  Mercifully the juice wiped off without leaving any stains and I was able to dispose of the towel without ending up covered in purple juice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at the jars of jam sitting on the benchtop cooling, then over to the bottles filled with water I couldn’t help but wonder where they’d come from because I'd not seen them before and wasn’t </span>
  <span>aware</span>
  <span> she even knew the first thing about making jams and cordials.  I guess we’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>learning things about each other, maybe that’s why it never seems to get old.  She’s always </span>
  <span>surprising</span>
  <span> me.  I quite like the domestic goddess side of her and, even though I’ve never seen her do this type of cooking before, she seems perfectly at home and confident in her abilities.  I’ve always found confident, self-assured women rather sexy actually.  Yes, the more I think about it, the more I like this side of her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Coming through the door she smiled, “I should be on the 6pm news tomorrow, there were cameras positioned all along the top of the wall and I could hear them whirring and clicking as I disposed of the purple mess.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Very funny smart ass.  It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s tried to take photos over the top of the fence...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not a fence.  A fence is something that borders an area to mark a particular boundary.  That thing out there is a wall.  A big, thick wall that has no footholds, handholds or any other holds.  I assure you; my honor is intact.  Now, I need to clean...oh, you’ve already done it.  Thank you,” she beamed.  “I was a bit worried the stains may not come off the benchtop but you got it off.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Going over to the stovetop, she took the big pot she’d used earlier to make the jam and placed it over the heat which she set at medium. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you pass me that cup there?” she asked as she picked the bowl of juice up and placed it on the bench near her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“This one?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please.  I need to measure this out.  Damn, where’d I put my phone?” she asked herself looking around as she moved things.  Moving the tea towel she said, “Ah, found it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Recipe?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, she tapped her phone then started scrolling.  “Ok, here it is.  Need to measure how many cups of juice there are.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Scooping and counting, she ended up with 8 cups of juice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That seems to be a rather large amount.  Do you need to water it down or anything?” I asked thinking about how much mulberry cordial we were going to end up with if that was the case.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it has to have the sugar put in, then we boil it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How much sugar?” I asked, grabbing the sugar bag, or should I say bags.  There were two of them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She started to laugh, “Far too much sugar is how much.  No one said this was good for you, I’m just hoping it tastes good.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing her feelings on sugar and anything sweet, I’m actually stunned that she’s making the jam and cordial.  God knows what we’re going to do with them because she won’t touch them, and whilst I’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth, I can only eat and drink so much.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, how much is far too much?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep in mind it’s not really cordial, it’s a syrup so it’s really thick and sweet.  It has one and a quarter cups of sugar for each cup of juice,” she said, silly smile on her face already as I attempted to calculate how much sugar that was.  “Don’t worry your pretty little head about the math my poor arithmetic challenged husband.  It’s 10 cups.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“10 cups!” I exclaimed. “Bloody hell! Why not just name it diabetes in a bottle?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She got the giggles then, and I wasn’t sure we were going to be able to continue for a while.  Standing deadpan looking at her cracking up, only made her giggle even harder.  Damn near killed me to keep a straight face because I was laughing with, and at her, on the inside...that acting gig comes in handy sometimes.  I knew if I lost it with her, we had no hope of getting this stuff done tonight and I don’t particularly relish the thought of getting all sticky and purple again tomorrow.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You done?” I asked as she caught her breath and slowed it down to the odd chuckle.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” she said, barely holding it together.  “God you’re such a stick in the mud sometimes.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought we were making cordial or syrup or whatever it is.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fine, grumble bum, we’ll make the damn diabetes in a bottle as you called it.”  And with that she was off in a fit of the giggles again.  Trouble was, this time I couldn’t hold it back and ended up laughing as hard as she was.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I have no idea how the hell we managed it, but in between fits of laughter, we measured the 10 cups of sugar out, I’m still in shock over that, and got it into the pot with the juice.  Stirring it over a medium heat as instructed, we both watched as the sugar dissolved and the liquid turned a dark glossy purple </span>
  <span>colour</span>
  <span>.  Once it boiled, she turned it down a bit and set the timer for 2 minutes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What happens at the end of 2 minutes?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea,” she said.  “It just says boil it for 2 minutes, take it off the heat, put the lemon juice in, cool it a bit then put it in bottles.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Doing as instructed we dutifully counted down the 2 minutes, removed it from the heat, put the lemon juice in, skimmed the scummy bits off the top and left it to cool a bit while we wiped all the benches where the syrup had splashed.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I really want to have a shower,” she said.  “I just feel sticky and gross now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Go have one,” I told her, then pointed to the big pot.  “This isn’t going anywhere.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I want to wait until I don’t have to touch anything sticky or purple.  And I still have to show you the painting.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we look now?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you want to go out like that?” she asked making a reference to my lack of clothing.  “Can’t be too careful, might be cameras on the fence.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you mocking me you brat?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding she</span>
  <span> took my hand and led me out to the shed where she opened the door and turned the light on.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not as good as the last one, barely passable,” she said.  “Just put it where I don’t have to look at it all the time or I’ll end up putting it in the bin.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Walking over to it, I looked at her and asked if I could pick it up yet.  She said I could but to just be a bit careful as it wasn’t completely dry yet.  I love the way she </span>
  <span>texturises</span>
  <span> the paint, it adds a depth you can’t explain.  It was very similar to one of the others she’d painted but not as dark, and I think that was the appeal.  The last one was painted when she was in a darker place in her mind, this one signified a better place to me and the white swirls gave me hope she was seeing the lighter side.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I love it, and thank you,” I said going over to her and hugging her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go bottle this stuff babe.  I really want a shower.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Heading inside, we emptied the water from the bottles and she held a funnel in them while I poured the syrup from the pot.  She looked pretty happy with herself when she looked at the bottles of syrup and jars of jam, “Can’t believe we did that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You did it, you’re very clever love.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Now who’s mocking whom?” she asked</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Giving her a wink, I said, “Let’s get this cleaned up so we can go shower.  You’re right, it feels sticky and gross.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of hours later, showered and no longer sticky, we were sitting reading when I heard her stomach rumble and it was only then that it occurred to both of us that we hadn’t had dinner.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Want some </span>
  <span>mulberry</span>
  <span> jam on toast?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>     </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 9.1 Let's Get A Pool Table, 9.2 Bushwalking, 9.3 It's Over, 9.4 Just Hold Me Please</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>9.1 LET'S GET A POOL TABLE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Hi, remember me?  I wasn’t sure if you would after Tom hijacked the story for so long.  I was beginning to think I was going to have to tie him up so I could get back. </p><p>In actual fact, I’d like to thank him for taking over for the last few days.  I’ve been struggling a little bit with a couple of things, nothing major, but he kindly relieved me of this so I could focus on everyday life for a little while.  I’m doing ok now though, so I said I'd take over again.   </p><p>The jam turned out to be really good, not too bad if I do say so myself.  I wasn’t sure if I’d left it to boil long enough and half expected to have a fruit syrup that would be great on ice cream but we were both pleasantly surprised to discover it did everything it was supposed to...and it tastes really good.  I’m not usually one for anything sweet but the berries themselves aren’t overly sweet which means the jam isn’t too bad.  The syrup did what it was supposed to as well and is...well, syrupy.  Thick, sticky and oh so sweet, way too sweet for me but Tom likes it so it’s all good.  He said I might be able to drink it if I mix it with a sparkling mineral water, but I’m not so sure.  He was right when he called it diabetes in a bottle, it’s like pure sugar.  Anway, we both ended up feeling a sense of achievement and it was a great bonding experience.  It’s funny the things you find out about each other even after years together...although, to be fair, we’ve spent more time apart than we have together but we won’t go there because that involves talking about work and we’re not allowed to do that this weekend. </p><p>“What do you want to do tomorrow my love?” he asked. </p><p>“Not too sure really.  Did you have anything in mind?” </p><p>“I was thinking, now that you can walk again without too many problems, maybe we could go bushwalking.  Nothing too strenuous, I know you’re not up to doing the falls or anything, but I thought one of the easier trails we used to do," he suggested. “And I thought you could take the camera.” </p><p>“I’d really like that actually.  I was only thinking the other day that it’s been far too long since we’ve been walking, and I haven’t really had the chance to take many photos recently.  Where should we go?” </p><p>“I was thinking maybe up around Mt Banks.  Good scenery but easy walking, only that slight hill and hardly any steps.  It should be regenerating after the fires so you might get some really good contrasting colours,” he said. </p><p>“Oh, that’d be awesome and we can stop at one of those little roadside cafes and get a coffee on the way back down the hill,” I suggested. </p><p>“Should you charge the battery for the camera tonight?  We can leave early if you like then we’d still have the afternoon to take it easy around here.  Does that suit you?” </p><p>“Sounds absolutely wonderful. I’m really looking forward to it,” I told him.  “Did you play pool at the pub?  Did I already ask you that?  I got so involved in what we were doing in the kitchen that I can’t remember whether I <em> thought </em> I asked you or whether I actually asked you.” </p><p>“You did ask but we got sidetracked and I didn’t really answer you.  Yes, I’d literally put my beer down on the table and had a pool cue thrust into my hand.  We played doubles for a while, I’m getting my eye in again.  Getting better.  I was actually going to see you about the games room.  I was thinking, at the moment it has a couple of game consoles in it and is a complete waste of space.  I’m thinking we should get a pool table.  Before you put the kibosh on the idea, hear me out,” he said. </p><p>“I’m not putting the kibosh on your idea.  Your house, you want a pool table, then get one.” </p><p>“<em> Our </em> house and I just wanted to make sure you were on board with the idea,” he said. </p><p>“I meant your house as in it’s as much yours as it is mine.  Don’t be jumping down my throat about it.  And if you want a pool table then you should have one.” </p><p>“I just thought we’d use it when we have bbq’s or get togethers.  Family, friends...hell even you could use it,” he said trying to keep a straight face. </p><p>“Oh, I could, could I?  Maybe we should get one, it’s been a while since I handed you your ass on a platter hasn’t it.  I’ll never forget how damn cocky you were when we first played.” </p><p>“How was I supposed to know?” he asked. </p><p>“Maybe by not assuming that I didn’t know what I was doing.  But, it was quite satisfying watching your face as I wiped the table with you.” </p><p>“You still suck at darts though,” he quipped.   </p><p>“Yeah, because everyone plays darts these days.  Actually, I shouldn’t get too cocky.  I haven’t played pool in a while, I might have forgotten how it’s done.” </p><p>Snorting, he looked at me, shook his head and rolled his eyes, “Oh, I’m sure you have.” </p><p>“Is that sarcasm I detect there my love?” I asked laughing. </p><p>“Just a smidge,” he answered, holding his thumb and forefinger up. </p><p>“What size table do you want?” </p><p>“Hadn’t really thought that far ahead.  I had my arguments all ready for when you objected, but you knocked the wind out of my sails by agreeing.” </p><p>“Should we look online and see what one you like?  It’s not like we’ve really got anything else to do.” </p><p>“Are you bored my darling?” he questioned.  “We can find something to do if you’d like.” </p><p>“No, I’m not bored.  I’m actually really enjoying the down time.  It’s nice to just...be,” I answered.  “I just thought while we have got some down time, we could have a look.  You might find something you like.” </p><p>“I’ve already found something Iike,” he said giving me a wink. </p><p>“Good lord Hiddleston, you’re insatiable tonight,” I laughed. </p><p>“No, you crazy woman.  I don’t mean in that way – although I do mean in that way, but not now in that way.  I meant...You know what? Forget it, I'm getting nowhere.” </p><p>Laughing at him, I leaned over and kissed his cheek.  “I know what you meant you poor tongue tied, love.  I’ve worn you out this evening and your brain seemed to have ceased functioning.” </p><p>He grabbed the laptop and we sat together looking at the different sized tables available.  Some of them weren’t very nice looking and the felt top looked like it would fall apart after a couple of uses so he quickly moved past them.   </p><p>Pushing the laptop away after about 20 minutes, he gave a sigh, “Why does it have to be so hard.  I just want a pool table, that looks nice and is of a decent quality.” </p><p>“Try a different manufacturer,” I suggested.  “There’s more than one.” </p><p>As with everything the man does, the research is painstaking.  Size, dimension, weight, material, construction, the benefits of this material over that, this design over that...and on and on it goes.  Whereas I look and think, ‘Oh, that’s pretty. I’ll have that one.  Well, it’s a little more involved than that but you catch my drift.  I sometimes wonder how much research went into me before he settled on me...I’m only joking.’ </p><p>“I’m getting a drink love; I need a break.  Do you want one?”   </p><p>“I think I’m ok actually. Oh wait, do we still have any of that merlot left?” I asked. </p><p>“I think so.” he replied. </p><p>While he was off getting his drink and my wine, I picked up the laptop, did a quick search for pool tables and found a website for a company that was only a couple of suburbs away.  Navigating my way around the page, I found a table that appealed to me and left it for him to look at.  Handing me my wine, he put his scotch on the table and sat down.  </p><p>“I found a table,” I said pointing at the laptop. </p><p>“What, just like that?” he asked snapping his fingers. </p><p>“Yep, just like that.” </p><p>Giving me a dubious look, he picked the laptop up and started looking at the table I’d picked out. 5 minutes later and he was still looking at it.  “It’s actually a really good table darling.” </p><p>“Well yeah, I picked it of course it is,” I laughed.  “But seriously, I’m happy for you to get whichever one you want, it doesn’t have to be that one.” </p><p>“I think it will be this one.  Let’s call it a night and I’ll have a look at it again with fresh eyes tomorrow afternoon.  I’ll just lock up; the boys are already asleep so I won’t disturb them.  They can use the doggy door if they need out.  Ready love?” he asked. </p><p>“I keep telling you, I was born ready.” </p><p>“You truly are incorrigible,” he chuckled.  “Nice to see you got your mojo back but you’ve worn me out love.  I just meant are you ready to go to bed...to sleep.” </p><p>So did I but we’ll keep that little secret between ourselves. </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>9.2 BUSHWALKING</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Tom fed Bobby and Paddy while I got my camera gear ready and grabbed a backpack to which I added water bottles, some fruit and a small bag of trail mix just in case his stomach started complaining that it hadn’t been fed for a couple of hours.  The man has the most phenomenal metabolism and quite seriously needs to graze all day long or ends up with horrendous stomach pains...and still looks like a stick figure.   </p><p>Porridge and toast for breakfast followed by a coffee and he was ready to go.  I’d had my first coffee and had a travel mug with coffee that I'd drink in the car on the way up as we had an hour’s drive ahead of us before we got there.  Both of us were really looking forward to just getting out of the house and away from people.  The drive up was a lot of fun as we sang and danced (lots of arm movements and butt wiggling) and played air guitar or steering wheel and dashboard drums. </p><p>Arriving at our destination, we both made use of the facilities before grabbing the backpack and camera gear.  Tom offered to carry the camera bag as it was heavier than the backpack, but if he had that meant I’d have to stop him when I wanted to take pics so I said I’d take it.  He let me lead until he’d worked out what pace I was comfortable with then he took over for a while.   </p><p>We passed blackened gum trees, burnt in the fires last summer that were now showing new signs of life, little green leaves unfurling along the rough bark of the branches and trunk.  Wildflowers blossomed, their beautiful bright colours a stark contrast against the blackened ground they grew from, the air heady with their scent.  The sound of birdsong and insects could be heard in the otherwise silent bush.  The sheer sandstone cliffs showing their colours of beige through to burnt orange depending on where, and how the sun hit.  The dry grass crunching underfoot, and the occasional lizard scampering up a tree to get away from us.  </p><p>Following a worn path through the bush we came to a part of the track that narrowed before opening up to a view of the valley that stretched for miles and miles.  Looking out over the treetops there appeared to be a blue haze hovering in the air.  This haze was from the eucalyptus oil in the trees and this blue appearance in the air is what gave the Great Dividing Range it’s nickname of ‘The Blue Mountains.’  The colours were a photographer’s dream and constantly changing as the sun moved its position, shining or reflecting off different parts of the sheer cliff faces visible to either side of us.   </p><p>We chose a flat piece of sandstone to sit on and have a drink, Tom eating a banana, me an apple, as we took in the majesty of the scene before us.  Running my hand over the rock, the gritty texture reminding me just how soft and fragile this rock was.  The First Nation people did a lot of carvings in sandstone, some not so far from where we sat now, that we’d seen on previous visits.  As with the river, I feel a pull deep within myself when I visit, like part of me is reconnecting with my roots.  It brings a peace and tranquility that no amount of meditating or counselling can achieve. </p><p>Camera out, I started clicking away, neither of us really feeling the need for words.  Tom had a fair idea of which lenses I would want and when having been on many photography trips with me in the past, and had them ready for me as I required them, or asked which one I wanted if he seemed unsure.  When I was satisfied with the shots I’d taken, I handed the camera over to him. </p><p>“Here, you take some too.  You always see things differently to me, it’ll be nice to get a different perspective,” I told him. </p><p>Smile on his face, he happily took the camera, changed the lens and started shooting away.  He asked for my opinion a couple of times on framing certain things and which lens I felt would be best for the distance shots he was trying to achieve.  He had a good eye and was able to frame his subject well knowing when to make use of negative space and when to fill the frame; when to centre the shot and when not to.  I loved watching him work as he adjusted his position, fiddling with the lens to get the right amount of focus on his subject while blurring the rest of the picture.   </p><p>Before we knew it, we’d been on the trail for 3 hours, had exhausted the camera batteries and were well on the way to flattening our phone batteries as well.  Thank goodness we could charge up in the car.  Not that I really gave a damn whether we were reachable or not, but for Tom it was a little different.  Whilst we both had the weekend off, while filming was in progress, Tom was never really off duty and could be called on at any time. </p><p>“Ready to head back darling?” he asked. </p><p>“Not really,” I answered truthfully. “I could spend another three hours sitting here just watching the colours change.” </p><p>“We can stay longer if you want.  I just thought you’d want some time to go over the photos when we get home.  I know we said we were going to just take the day as it comes, but if you want to stop for a coffee and something to eat on the way home, we’ll have to think about heading out soon.” </p><p>“No, we’ll go.  You must be starving by now anyway.  Thank you for suggesting this today, I can’t tell you how much I needed it.  This is why I struggle to be away from home, why I find it hard to contemplate travelling with you.  I need this,” I said as I spread my arms out indicating the scenery and land around me.   </p><p>Coming up behind me, he put his arms around me and rested his chin on top of my head. “I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it.  It’s nice to see you so at one with your surroundings, nice to see you looking so relaxed,” he said to me.  “Here, I’ll take the camera bag, you carry the backpack.” </p><p>“I can take it,” I told him, picking up the bulky bag.  </p><p>“I know you can, but I don’t want you being weighted down any more than you need to be darling.  That knee is still not 100% and I don’t want you straining it.  I’m not saying you <em> can’t </em> carry it; I’m just saying it makes more sense to let me do it.” </p><p>Seeing the sense in what he was saying, I handed the bag over to him and took the backpack from him.  “Thanks babe, I do appreciate it. Whilst it’s holding up ok, I’m probably going to feel it a bit later.  Might need to give it a bit of a massage with that cream they gave me.” </p><p>Heading back along the trail we’d followed; it didn’t take us too long to get back to the car as we weren’t stopping for photos all the way like we did on the way in.  Arriving back at the car, we loaded the bags in then climbed in ourselves.  I knew my leg was going to give me a bit of grief as I’d felt the muscle tightening up on the return trip, but knew we didn’t have that far to go so didn’t say anything.  Trying to give it a subtle massage without alerting Mr. Over Protective, I pushed the heel of my palm along the outer part of my thigh.   </p><p>“Overdo just a touch my love?” he asked. </p><p>“It’s ok,” I replied, looking ahead to the road. </p><p>“I’m sure it is, but that’s not what I asked.  Did you overdo it a little?” </p><p>“Possibly,” I admitted.  “It’s not really sore, just feels really tight, like there’s not a lot of give in it.  I know it’s fine, I’ve just overworked the muscle – it’s a little uncomfortable.” </p><p>“We can just head straight home if you want.  We don’t have to stop,” he offered. </p><p>“No, I really wanted to stop and have a coffee.  You can get something to eat.” </p><p>“You should be eating too; all you’ve had all day is an apple.  It’s not enough,” he told me. </p><p>“I’ll eat when we get home, I’m not hungry,” I said, then seeing the look on his face I assured him I was fine.  “I’m fine.  I’m just honestly not hungry at the moment.  I promise I’ll eat when we get home.” </p><p>“I think I just want to head home love.  I won’t worry about stopping, unless you want a coffee, but I won’t worry about food.  I’ll wait until we get home too.” </p><p>“Is this your way of ensuring I eat?” I questioned. </p><p>“Not at all.  I’d just honestly prefer to get home and eat there, maybe play the piano a bit while you go through the photos.” </p><p>That sounded absolutely wonderful.  I could take my laptop into the formal lounge and go through the photos while I listened to him play then we could get some food and chill for a while. </p><p>“I’ll wait until we get home for coffee.  I’ll edit the photos, have coffee and listen to you play,” I said. </p><p>“Sounds like a plan my love.  Let’s do it.” <br/> </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>9.3 IT'S OVER</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Having got back to the car, we loaded the bags in then we went to get in ourselves.  </p><p>“Just need to check something,” she said, holding her phone up as I got in and started the car. Opening the door 30 seconds later, she got in, put her phone on the floor and buckled her seat belt. </p><p>The drive home was uneventful and both of us were in a different mood to the one we drove up in.  She seemed quiet, almost withdrawn.  I sometimes find her hard to reach after outings like this one.  The further between trips to either ‘the bush’ as she calls it, or the river, the harder she is to reach and the longer she stays withdrawn.  It’s almost as if she leaves a piece of herself behind and she needs to wait to regenerate...that’s not a terribly good way of explaining it, but I’m hoping you understand what I’m trying to say.  Although, she does seem extraordinarily quiet this time. </p><p>Obviously, she’s overdone it today and I can see her trying to discreetly massage her thigh. When we get home, I’ll rub some of the cream the physical therapist gave her into it.  I’m glad we came, even if she has overdone it a bit, I think we both needed it.  I love watching her when she’s at one with her surroundings, I wish you could see her.  You’d barely recognise her; she becomes a completely different person.  The usual hyperactivity goes, she’s more focused, at peace.  We’ve camped out a few times around here, just a mat in the back of the pickup and a sleeping bag. Both of us sleep well, her insomnia seems to magically disappear – I wish I could bring it home so she could sleep, I despair of her ever getting a decent night’s sleep again. </p><p>Arriving home, I parked the car then we went inside where we were met by two very excited dogs.  They both wanted pats from the two of us and once they were sure we were staying home, headed off to do whatever it is that dogs do all day. </p><p>“Are you alright my love?  You’re very, very quiet.” </p><p>Turning to me she smiled, “I will be,” she answered.   </p><p>“Do you want company or do you want to be alone?  I’m just going to get something to eat then I’ll go play the piano if you want to join me or I can go into the office if you’d rather be alone.” </p><p>“I’d love to hear you play.  I’ll go through the photos while I listen if you don’t mind,” she said. </p><p>“I’d like that.” </p><p>I mad e a couple of sandwiches and offered to make her one but she declined and just wanted coffee.   </p><p>“You need to eat, you promised me you’d eat when we got home,” I told her. </p><p>“And I will, but not yet.  I’m honestly not hungry, I just want a coffee.” </p><p>Going up to her, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close.  “I just want to thank you again for getting the piano.  I really do appreciate it.  I hadn’t realised I missed it quite as much as I did until I started playing again.” </p><p>She put her arms around my waist and rested her head against my chest.  “I feel terrible for not having done something about getting one earlier.  It was always my intention to replace the old one but, with you being away for so long, moving house and everything else happening, I just forgot.  Can I ask one thing though?” </p><p>“Of course, what’s that?” I asked. </p><p>“Will you play Romeo and Juliet for me?  I haven’t heard it in so long and I love it.  I saw the sheet music for it when I was gathering it all up for you last week.  Is it ok that you play it?” </p><p>“I’d love to play it for you.  Go get your camera and your laptop and I’ll go find the music and I’ll see you in there,” I said to her. </p><p>She gave the biggest hug, “Thank you.”  </p><p>Searching for the music I found it and put it in place then sat waiting for her to join me.  While I waited, I started tinkling the keys and wondering it why it seemed to be taking her such a long time just to get the laptop and camera.  Maybe her leg was giving her trouble.  </p><p>“Where are you darling, what’s taking so long.  That leg giving you...” she was sitting on the floor near the dining table as if she’d just dropped where she’d been, vacant stare and shaking.  Bobby and Paddy sitting on the floor near her, both seeming unsure what was going on...they weren’t the only ones. </p><p>Getting down on the floor, I sat in front of her, taking her hands in mine.  They were freezing cold.   </p><p>“Hey,” I said gently, hoping to get some sort of reaction.  “Hey, talk to me love.  What’s going on?” </p><p>She turned to me and my blood ran cold. Her Dark Angel eyes.  Please God, no.  Don’t let her come, she’s been gone for so long.  I could see her ‘Dark Angel’ hovering just below the surface.  What the hell happened in the space of a couple of minutes to bring this on? </p><p>Pulling her towards me, I wrapped my arms around her and quietly said, “I know you can hear me my darling.  Fight. For me.  For you.  For us.  You have to fight her.” </p><p>Pushing me away, she looked up, a single tear running down her face.  “It’s over.” </p><p>“What’s over?  Talk to me love, you’re scaring me.” </p><p>“The nightmare that was my life.  It’s over.  He’s dead,” she answered, handing me her phone. </p><p>I read the message a couple of times, taking the words in.  The person - I won’t call him a man because a man would never have done what he did - whose abuse was responsible for her ‘Dark Angel’ personality, was gone. Dead.  It was over.  She never had to worry ever again, <em> we </em> never had to worry.  I’ve never wished anything bad on another person in my life, but this?  This I was thankful for. </p><p>Now things made sense, “You didn’t just find out, did you?” I asked. </p><p>Shaking her head, she answered, “No. When we were leaving Mt Banks.  I’ve only really just allowed myself to think about it, accept it.  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mess our day up, but I just...”  She trailed off and shrugged. </p><p>Gently cupping her head in my hands, I pulled her forward so our foreheads were touching, “You haven’t messed anything up.  None of what happened to you back then was your fault.  You know that.  You were a victim. You were young, too young to live through that, Jesus love, you weren’t even legally an adult.  And if you’re feeling bad because you’re glad he’s gone; you need to stop.  You have every right to feel happy and relieved.”  </p><p>Her response was to burst into tears and cling to me as if her life depended on it, and I suppose in some respects in her mind, it did.  She credits me with making her a whole person again.  This is where all the issues with commitment and work and so many other things all stemmed from; Physical scars heal quickly, it’s the psychological and emotional ones that last, that are harder to deal with, live with...and it was finally over.   </p><p>After a couple of minutes, she pulled back and looked at me with <em> her </em> eyes...the dark angel was gone.  Hopefully she gets buried with that bastard. </p><p>“Feel better?” I asked. </p><p>Nodding she hugged me once more, “I think so.  I feel guilty for being happy he’s dead.  I shouldn’t feel that way.  It would have been a painful death too; he would have suffered.  He had lung cancer.” </p><p>“I’m sorry love but I don’t care how much he suffered.  After what you were put through, no amount of suffering is too much.  Now, how about you try and put it behind you, I know it won’t be easy, and go do what we were planning on, shall we?” </p><p>“I just need a minute alone if that’s ok.  I just need to make my peace with it.  I promise I won’t be long,” she told me. </p><p>Leaving her was hard but I know she has to deal with it in her way.  I will insist that she talk to her psychologist tomorrow though.  I want every bit of that man exorcised from her life.  Only upwards from here.  </p><p>5 minutes later she came in carrying her camera and laptop and sat down.  Looking up at me with red, swollen eyes she gave me a smile, “You can stop worrying,” she said softly.  “I’m ok.  It might take me a day or two to be able to fully let it go, but I’m doing ok.  I know it’s over, he can never hurt me again, I never have to think of him again, but it’s still going to take a little time.  I’ll talk to Michelle tomorrow and if I don’t feel like I’m coping I’ll let you know, but I'm going to be ok now.  It really is over...everything bad, it’s gone.” </p><p>And with that she busied herself editing photos, glancing up at me every so often and giving me a reassuring smile.  “Hey, you said you’d play Romeo and Juliet for me.” </p><p>“So I did.  Leave that, come sit with me.  I’ll play, you sing.” </p><p>And that’s exactly what we did.   </p><p>She’s a tough cookie, she’ll be ok.   </p><p> </p><p>*For those of you relatively new to the story – Missy was in an extremely abusive relationship when she was very young.  The abuse was so bad, she developed another personality to help her cope.  She’s undergone years of counselling to get to where she is today but still has, and probably always will have, some issues with mental health as a result. </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>9.4 JUST HOLD ME PLEASE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>9.4 Burying</span>
  <span> the Past.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes in life you get news that takes your brain a little while to process and, while you take it in, you don’t really know what to do with it at the time, then all of a sudden; bam, it hits you.  That’s what happened with the news I received.  I’d put my phone on silent while we were hiking and knew I had a message as I’d felt the vibration when the alert came through, but I didn’t bother checking it until we’d got to the car.  I read the message, then got in the car and didn’t really give it a lot of thought, not really sure how I felt about it.  The information was there, but my brain put it into the ‘later’ file and that’s where it stayed.  Or so I thought.  The problem was, the subconscious part of my brain obviously decided to deal with that particular piece of information without bothering to let my conscious brain know and, well the result was...overwhelming.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly there were so many suppressed memories flooding back, feelings, incidents; I couldn’t cope, retreated to that place I used to go when it was all too much, to the place I used to go when she started to take over.  I could feel myself retreating, trying to hide from all the hurt, all the pain, all the memories.  I was standing, walking to get the laptop and my camera, then suddenly I wasn’t.  I don’t know how I ended up on the floor, I don’t know how long I was there.  I remember hearing the concern in Tom’s voice, feeling him shake as he touched my hand, then the controlled panic in his voice as he told me to fight.  It was at that point I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span>...it was over.  Forever.  No matter what happened now, he, that other person, could never hurt me again.  Tom brought me back from the brink...again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The tears, I think, were just sheer relief.  I know none of what happened was my fault, it took a long time for me to get to that point.  I know I was a victim.  There’s still a small part of me that thinks it’s my fault that I didn’t get out sooner and that I deserved some of what happened because I stayed, but I know that’s twisted logic.  Tom helped me see some things the psychiatrist and psychologist couldn’t.  He saved me from myself, he made me whole again and never, ever stopped believing in me, never gave up on me.  He saved my life.  It took me a very long time to accept that someone as wonderful as him could love someone as damaged and broken as I was, as I am.  I know this is a lifelong issue, so does he.  We both know there are going to be times when I lose control, when I will go backwards, he says he’s ready to handle anything...I’m terrified.  I’m a good person, I know that; I must be, Tom wouldn’t be with me if I wasn’t.  It’s taken me a long time, but I love who I am now.   I feel...to be honest, I don’t know how I feel. I haven’t really had time to think about it, but I suppose the first thing I can say I truly feel - is relief.  But then I feel guilty because I'm relieved.  No matter what was done to me, a person lost their life and that’s sad.  I know Tom doesn’t see it that way, but I do.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I was an impressionable 17-year-old having problems at home.  He was older, saw how vulnerable I was and preyed on it, on me.  By the time I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> how dangerous he was and what was happening, it was too late.  I can’t explain, I can’t go back there, just know that, while the Dark Angel has tried to kill me a couple of times, she saved me too.  Without her I wouldn’t have survived.  I’d have taken my life if he didn’t end it first.  He was investigated numerous times and I made excuses every time.  The physical was the easy fix, it hurt, they fixed it, it healed.  It was the psychological abuse, the mind games, constantly second guessing yourself, being inside your own head but sharing that space with another person, being able to feel them in there with you, knowing that you were slowly losing yourself bit by abused bit. The fear, knowing what was coming but never knowing when, the relief when it did come because you knew you deserved it, you’d messed up somehow.  The need for attention after being ignored for days on end, to the point you’d mess up on purpose even though you knew what was coming, at least it was attention of some sort.  I don’t know what was different about the last time but I went to hospital and blurted out the truth.  They put me in the police lock up for my own protection – it was the one place he couldn’t get me and finish what he started.  Anyway, enough.  I’m safe, I’m well, I’m recovering and I’m loved – oh, how I’m loved.  I know I said it before but I want you to understand, I don’t take it for granted.  I know my bratty behaviour would suggest otherwise, but Tom and I both know it’s the part of my brain that’s damaged that just has to try to push him away so that I know he’ll stay.  As I said before, twisted logic.  He’s the most beautiful soul on earth and I love him with everything I am.  Without Tom there is no me.  I’m telling you this now as a cleansing of my soul, I guess.  After this, I never want to think about, talk about or write about that period of my life.  After I finish writing this and I’ve seen a photo of that thing’s grave I will bury that phase of my life.  As far as I’m concerned, my life began the day I met Tom.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I have so much to look forward to now.  Our business venture has really got me excited, not exactly stressed but worried I’m not going to be ready when I want to be.  The fact that I’ve said I'd travel with Tom is both exciting but something I’m dreading also. I know, I should be excited about it but I have an attachment to here, to the land, that’s hard to explain and the thought of leaving it makes a part of me feel empty inside.  I know I won’t be able to stay away as long Tom will have to, so there’s still going to be periods where we’re separated, and we’ll deal with them as they occur.  Chris and Elsa will be celebrating their anniversary in less than a month and I’m really looking forward to that.  Tom should be finished filming at around the same time so we may actually be able to take a little bit of a break, only a few days but still, it would be lovely.  We’re waiting to find out whether Diana will be coming over for a visit, should know in the next few days.  I’m really hoping she’ll be able to come out, Tom misses her terribly, as do I.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of Tom – he's being such a sweetheart.  I know he’s concerned; it’s etched in every line on his face.  He so desperately wants to wave a magic wand and make it all go away.  If only he knew; he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> the magic wand.  He makes it all go away.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to him and rested my head against his shoulder, “I’m honestly ok. Please don’t worry.  I meant what I said before, if I'm having any trouble coping, I’ll let you know.  For now, I just need to know that you’re here.  I need to feel you and know that you’ve got me.  And I need you to know how much I love you and appreciate that you’ve stayed with me through this rollercoaster ride.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He put his arm around me and gave me a gentle squeeze, knowing exactly the right thing to do and say as he always does.  Placing a kiss on my forehead, he said, “And I do my love, I do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>With that he turned back to the piano and started playing again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>If I had wish for all of you, it would be that you find someone that loves you for who you are, all the broken bits included, and accepts you as a whole.  Someone that understands some days are homecooked meals, a clean house, a happy smile and a ‘how was your day babe?’  while other days are, ‘there’s cold pizza in the fridge have that for </span>
  <span>breakfast, use</span>
  <span> a disposable plate and who the hell gave you permission to breathe much less speak?’  Someone that can love both of those and all bits in the middle. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I’m going to close this subject shortly but before I do I want to address those of you living through an abusive relationship: </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>You are worthy,</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>You are important,</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>You are strong,</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>You are beautiful,</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>You matter,</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>You can do this</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I believe in you.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When you’re ready to take the steps, know that there are good people in this world that have experience in dealing with what you’re going through.  There are people that want to help you.  I believe in you and understand taking those first steps is the hardest.  Once you’ve taken those first steps, the rest just seems to fall into place and then you start to believe in yourself.  You remember who you are, the person you were always meant to be; not the person beaten into submission.  We are survivors!</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>My final word is to – to that person.  I can’t bring myself to say rot in hell, I can’t really bring myself to wish bad things at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re dead, but I still can’t bring myself to wish bad things on you.  My heart goes out to the child you fathered; may she never know what you were like.  I hope you find the peace in death that you were unable to find in life.   I survived you, to me this seems like the greatest revenge of all.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I will never think of you again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>….</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We’d had dinner, showered, fed the dogs and prepared ourselves as much as possible for the 14-hour day that lay ahead for Tom.  We were just relaxing on the couch, Tom reading a book and me still going through photos, deleting the ones that were </span>
  <span>substandard</span>
  <span> and editing the ones that </span>
  <span>needed a</span>
  <span> little tweaking.  Tom glanced up every so often to look at a photo or just to give me a smile.  I loaded the next photo and had a ‘wow’ moment.  It wasn’t framed perfectly, it wasn’t crystal clear, but there was just something about it that touched me.  It showed the skeletons of burnt trees on the ridge, the blackened ground and a sign of hope, a touch of green grass. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom looked up, looked down, then up again and looked at the screen.  “Wow,” he said.  “Kind of brings it home really doesn’t it? To see the charred remains like that.  Great photo love, you did a good job on that one.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled, “It’s yours.  You took it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did that?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You did.  I told you that you were better than you gave yourself credit for.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I got lucky,” he said.  “Subject material, lighting, your advice.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t sell yourself short Hiddleston.  It’s a great photo.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.  I’m done in my love and I think after the day we’ve had, it’s time we got some sleep so we’re ready for the week ahead.  I’ll only ask once more, I promise, are you ok?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling at him, I stroked his cheek, “I’m fine, I have you to look after me.”</span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chapter 6:  Just Hold Me Please available in My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase, immediately follows on from this chapter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. 10.1 Moving On With Life, 10.2 Keeping Busy, 10.3 Tom's Morning Musings, 10.4 Hi From Savannah</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>10.1 MOVING ON WITH LIFE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The alarm went off early and I could have happily thrown it out the window.  Another month, only about 4 more weeks to get through.  In all honesty, we’ve been blessed that it’s all gone as smoothly and as quickly as it has.  Everyone’s been super focused and they’ve achieved more than anyone thought they would.  Still, I can’t wait for it to be over.  Dragging myself out of bed, I put my running shorts and singlet on and was pulling my socks on when Tom came up behind me.   </p><p>“Let’s just take a morning off.  I’m not going to be home until really late tonight, I know you’ve got big plans for the shop, so why waste the hour we have got together.  It won’t hurt either one of us to give it a miss for one morning.” </p><p>“You’re not just a pretty face, are you?  Sounds like a wonderful idea, you go make coffee and I’ll feed the dogs,” I said. </p><p>“How about you make the coffee and I’ll feed the dogs?” he responded. </p><p>“We could spend the next hour arguing over who’s making the coffee and who’s feeding the dogs, or you could just admit you make better coffee than I do, go put the coffee on, let me feed the dogs and have a peaceful,” I checked my watch, “57 minutes together.” </p><p>“Well, when you put it that way, I suppose I’ll go make coffee,” he said swatting my backside as he walked past. </p><p>“Watch it Hiddleston, you keep that up and you might not have time for your precious breakfast and we’ll be grabbing coffee at work,” I laughed. </p><p>“I’m torn,” he said, bouncing back and forth on his feet, one step towards the doorway then one step back towards me.  “Given I have at least 14 hours ahead of me, I guess this time the coffee and breakfast will have to win out.  I’d prefer to go the other way, but need all the energy I can muster for the day ahead.” </p><p>“Much as I hate to admit it, I feel the same.  I’ve got so much I want to get done today.  Will you be eating at work tonight or do you want me to do something for you?” </p><p>“I’ll figure something out later.  I don’t expect you to have to worry about me with the amount you’ve got on today darling.  I’m sure the caterers will take care of us. Promise me you’ll eat today. You’re not eating well at all and you know it concerns me.” </p><p>Sighing, I looked at him, “I eat when I’m hungry.  I’m not training all day everyday any more remember. It’s only natural I’m not going to need as much as I used to when I was working at the gym. You do you and let me do me, yeah?” </p><p>“I’ll go put that coffee on,” he said by way of a response as he walked out the bedroom towards the kitchen. </p><p>“That’s not an answer,” I called after him.  I was going to get changed but then figured I’d wait until after he’d gone.  I didn’t have to leave as early as him so I'd have time once he was gone.   </p><p>Following him down the hallway, I greeted Bobby and Paddy and gave them a good scratch behind the ears. ‘You hungry my boys?  Yeah, you want food?  Hold on, I’ll get it, just have to get Paddy’s tablet first.  Oops, lookout, don’t get under my feet.  Ok, let’s go, come on.’ </p><p>Looking up as I heard Tom chuckling, I said, “What are you chuckling at?” </p><p>“You,” he replied.  “They’re not going to talk back you know?” </p><p>“Oh right, coming from the man that hugs his dog on walks because he sits nicely to have his photo taken,” I laughed. </p><p>Both of us laughed at the way the other was with ‘the boys’ who were jumping up not really caring how cute we thought they were, they just wanted their breakfast. Now.  Breaking Paddy’s tablet up and sprinkling it over his food, I put the bowls down and smiled as they both sat and waited patiently to be told they could eat. ‘handshake,’ I said to both of them, ‘fist bump’ ‘say thank you’, they both gave a yap, then I pointed to their bowls ‘eat.’  “Paddy, I’m watching you, you have to have that bit, it’s got your medicine in it.”  (He has a thyroid issue) </p><p>“Coffee’s ready,” Tom called out. </p><p>“Sorry boys, you’re on your own,” I told them. </p><p>We had coffee, Tom asked a couple of times how I was doing while he had breakfast, and rather than lose my cool with him, I actually really appreciated that he did.  </p><p>“I’ll check in with you when I can throughout the day ok love?” he told me.  “Just send me texts whenever you want, I’ll get them when I have a break.  If you need anything at all you know you can always call throu...” </p><p>“I love you,” I said smiling at him, “and I know you’re doing this out of love and concern. I’m going to be fine.  My life began the day I met you.  Now, let’s not waste any more time worrying about stuff we have no control over.  Remember to call or message your mum and see if she’s figured out what she’s doing.” </p><p>“Would you be able to do it love?  I’m not sure when I'll get the chance and I'll probably forget anyway.  What time are you going to the shop?” </p><p>“I’ll leave here just after you go.  I’ve got the racks coming in early. Savannah said she’s organised a lot of stock to be delivered and the shop fitting guy is coming to do the shelves.  Not sure what else is happening, hopefully Savannah has a better idea.  I feel like I let her down last week as I wasn’t around much and left it all to her.” </p><p>“Not to be too harsh my love, but that is what she’s paid for,” he reminded me. </p><p>“I know, but it just seems unfair that I've lumped it all on her. I’ll try and take some of the pressure this week.” </p><p>“Not to the point where you run yourself into the ground,” he said.  “Share the load between both of you.  I have to go.  Remember to text me through the day, let me know how things are going.” </p><p>He came up to stand in front of me, “I’ll miss you.” </p><p>“You won’t have time to miss me.  Besides, it’ll go quickly because we’re both going to be busy.  Have a good day my gorgeous husband,” I said to him, standing on tip toe to give him a kiss goodbye. </p><p>“I will miss you regardless of how busy I am, my obstinate wife,” he chuckled. “Now, kiss your husband like a good wife.” </p><p>“You’re pushing your luck Hiddleston,” I laughed. </p><p>Holding each other close, the reality of being away from each other all day suddenly very real, we kissed each other goodbye with promises of keeping in touch throughout the day.  He lingered by the door for just a second, smiled, waved, called out I love you once more, then he was gone. </p><p>The house suddenly felt very empty, lonely.  Screw this, I'm not going there, I refuse to go backwards, only forwards.  Telling myself my life started the day I met Tom, I squared my shoulders, pulled up my big girl panties, changed my clothes, grabbed the keys and headed to the shop.  This is my life now.  I’m Mrs Tom Hiddleston, I’m a good person, I’m a business owner who loves to paint, write, take photos and create. I am not my past; I am my future.  I am also a very surprised woman to find Savannah had beaten me to the shop.   </p><p>“You’re early,” I said by way of greeting, looking at her through narrowed eyes.   </p><p>“Lots to do,” she responded avoiding eye contact. </p><p>I laughed out loud causing her to look up. “He can’t help himself, can he? When did he message you, or did he call you?” </p><p>I could see her debating whether to deny it or not, but she knew the hesitation was as good as an admission so she ‘fessed up.  “He messaged last night. Don’t be cranky with him, he did it because he’s worried about you.  He said he’s not sure if you’ve really dealt with it all and said he’d rather you weren’t alone for too long.  He loves you so much.” </p><p>“I’m sorry he’s inconvenienced both of you with his being so damned over protective but thank you for being here. I don’t want to be alone just yet.  I may have to leave you to it for a little while later while I see if I can get in to see my psychologist.  I’m assuming he told you what happened?” </p><p>Savannah nodded, “He did.  I’m not going to even pretend to understand what you’re feeling or going through but I’m here if you need an ear and please don’t be cross with him.  As I said, he loves you so very much.” </p><p>“I’m not cross with him, and thank you.  I appreciate you being here for me, and as for not knowing what I'm going through, you’ve been through a lot in your life too, I'm pretty sure you’d have an inkling of how I feel.  I’m going to be ok.  My life started the day I met Tom...that’s what I’m telling myself.” </p><p>Savannah walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me in an uncharacteristic hug and said to me, “That, I totally understand.  My life started the day I met Theresa.” </p><p>Smiling at each other, we looked around the shop then back at each other. </p><p>We spoke at the same time, “I’ve got a good feeling about this.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>10.2 KEEPING BUSY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Savannah turned out to be an absolute blessing.  I phoned my psychologist to make an appointment to see her but she decided that it needed to be dealt with then and there and we had a phone session instead of me having to go in to see her.  She said I seem to have a good handle on everything that’s happened but said I’m to call her at the first sign of anything unusual happening or if I feel stressed or that I just need to talk.  She said I’m doing the right thing in allowing Tom to check on me, but to make sure I’m comfortable with it and if I feel he’s overdoing it, to politely tell him to back off.  All in all, I seem to be doing fine and she’s happy for me to keep my regular appointment without the need to schedule any extra sessions. Savannah, bless her, took over receiving the deliveries while I was on the phone. </p><p>I sent Tom a text and let him know what Michelle had said and asked how his day was going.  To my surprise I got a text back pretty much straight away.  He said things were going well and that he was happy I'd spoken to Michelle.  He said he’d check in later and reminded me to get in touch with Diana.  Checking the time, I thought I might have left it a little late.  I sent a text asking if she was awake and got a text back saying she was indeed awake and had actually just sent Tom a text.  I asked how she was and she replied that she was fine and wanted to know how things were here.  I told her she should come over and find out for herself, to which she replied she was planning on doing just that.  She’d only be here for a couple of weeks but was going to be here for Elsa and Chris’s anniversary but would be heading home before Christmas.  Doing a little happy dance, I sent a text back telling her I couldn’t wait. </p><p>Savannah watched me do my happy dance and smiled, “I take it that was good news.” </p><p>“Sure was, Mumma Hiddleston’s coming to visit.  You’ll love Diana, she’s the best,” I told Savannah. </p><p>“Oh, that’s fantastic.  Will Tom be finished filming?” she asked. </p><p>“Not quite, but that’s ok.  Diana knows we’ve got the shop and we had a bit of a laugh a few weeks back about her coming in to check out the frilly knickers.” </p><p>Savannah looked a little uncomfortable and asked, “So she’ll be coming here?” </p><p>Nodding, I answered, “Yes, but as I said, you’ll love her.” </p><p>“Is she going to be ok with...is she likely to...should I take...” </p><p>“She’ll love you.  She’s an absolute sweetheart.  She’s funny, warm, caring, puts Tom in his place regularly.  She does seem to have a sixth sense regarding broken people though so just be warned that she may try to adopt you.”  </p><p>Savannah gave a tight smile and nodded. </p><p>“Seriously, she’ll love you.  And you’ll love her.  She’s absolutely wonderful, and she’s a lot of fun.”  </p><p>I heard the message alert on my phone and checked it to see it was from Tom.  It read ‘Mum’s coming!’ </p><p>I didn’t have the heart to tell him I already knew so sent a message back saying what wonderful news it was and how excited I was.   </p><p>The rest of the day passed in a blur of packaging, boxes, shelving and hangers.  The place was an absolute mess but when we looked around, both Savannah and I had big smiles on our faces because we could see through the mess to see it all coming together.   </p><p>“I love it so much more than the way it used to look,” Savannah said.  “It looks so different, so much more inviting.”   </p><p>Checking the time, I decided that we’d done enough for the day and that we should head home.  Savannah seemed a bit edgy and I asked if there was something wrong.   </p><p>“No, not exactly,” she replied. </p><p>“Then what is it...oh, never mind, I get it.  You’re not meant to leave me alone for long,” I said.  “Honestly, I’m fine.  I know you’re only doing what Tom asked but believe me, if I had any doubts at all I would get you to stay with me.  I’m fine, really.  Thank you for looking out for me, but I truly am fine.  I wouldn’t mess around with something like this.  If I had any doubts, I swear I'd tell you.” </p><p>“As long as you let Tom know,” she said. “I don’t want him pissed at me.” </p><p>“He won’t be pissed at you, promise.   He’ll probably yell at me, but you’re in the clear,” I said with a bit of a chuckle.  “Thank you for being here for me today but an 11 hour day is enough for anyone.  Go home to Theresa and tell her I’m sorry about the long hours.” </p><p>… </p><p>Getting home, I fed the dogs, showered and changed, made myself a cup of tea and put some music on then sat down with my feet up.  Tomorrow was slightly less hectic and I’d be at the studio for a couple of hours in the morning then over to the shop after that.  Savannah was expecting more stock each day this week, having staggered the deliveries in the hope that we wouldn’t get overwhelmed if we had some each day.  The couch we’d picked out should be here tomorrow or the day after, with art work arriving later in the week.  I decided against using my own work, it just didn’t feel right for the shop so it’s staying at home.   </p><p>I was contemplating getting something to eat when I heard the front door open followed by the sound of keys being tossed on the table.   </p><p>“You’re earlier than I expected,” I called out. </p><p>“Not really love but I wanted to get home to you,” he said as he walked over, bent down and gave me a kiss.  “You ditched Savannah and she was a bit worried.” </p><p>Sighing, I looked up at him.  “I’m fine.  I don’t know how many ways I can say it.  If, for any reason, I had doubts I can assure you, I'd tell you.  I know how quickly things can escalate and how dangerous they can get but I’m fine.  Honestly.  I told you, my life started the day I met you.  There’s nothing before that. I’m fine.” </p><p>“You promise you’d say something?” he asked. </p><p>“Promise,” I told him, then glance at the clock, “oh, I didn’t realise it was that late already. I seem to have lost an hour.” </p><p>Concern written all over his face, he sat down beside me.  </p><p>“Before you start giving me the third degree about time glitches, I sat down to put my feet up and started running over the day in my head so it’s quite possible I’ve got caught up in my own thoughts and completely lost track of time.  Did you shower already?  You smell good.” </p><p>“Yes, I showered before I left.  I needed to clean up, I was a bit smelly.  That leather and this weather aren’t exactly the greatest of matches,” he laughed.  “It was a bit sweaty and well, the smell isn’t really the greatest.” </p><p>“So what did you want to do, or did you want to go to bed?” I asked. </p><p>“No, not bed just yet. I won’t be late out but I’m not ready yet.  Tell me, how are things progressing at the shop?” he asked. </p><p>Showing him photos I’d taken throughout the day, he was surprised by the amount we’d got done.   </p><p>“I know it’s still a mess but you can get the gist of what we’re doing,” I said. </p><p>“It looks fantastic, I can’t believe how much you got done today. You must have worked non stop.” </p><p>“It was constant, we’re both really happy with it.  Savannah’s got more stock coming in the morning.  I think it might be the naughty knickers actually, but they’re just getting put upstairs for the moment. We talked about it and decided to get the main shop set up before we worry about the naughty knickers  but we’re hopeful of getting it all done.” </p><p>“I have faith in you,” he said.  “You coming into the studio in the morning?” </p><p>“Sure am,” I replied.  “Then when I’m done I’ll head to the shop.  Did you happen to make an appointment to see Neil about your blood test?” </p><p>“I did.  Tomorrow afternoon at 5pm.” </p><p>“Good, at least that way we’ll know.  Great news about your mum coming.  Can’t wait to see her, and I’m happy she’ll be here for Chris and Elsa’s anniversary.” </p><p>“Yes, it’ll be nice for her to catch up with everyone again.  We might even be able to all spend a few days up there.”  He gave a yawn and stretched then turned to me, “I know it’s not very late love, but I think I’m for bed.  It’s been a pretty full on day.  You coming or staying up for a while?” </p><p>“I’ll come,” I said. </p><p>We got into bed and lay reading for a while before turning the light out.  It was as I was drifting off to sleep I realised, I hadn’t eaten.  Oh well, intermittent fasting is meant to be good for you, right? </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>10.3 TOM'S MORNING MUSINGS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I swear that alarm seems to go off earlier and earlier each morning – I know it doesn’t but it certainly feels like it.  Might have something to do with the 14 hour day yesterday too of course.  It was worth it though.  We’re getting through it rapidly now.  I’m not sure we’ll even need the 4 weeks we’ve allotted, but I'm not saying anything just in case there’s any production hold ups and we end up needing it.  I know she’s looking forward to this one being over.  It’s certainly been one hell of a rollercoaster ride.  But, I've heard a lot of people say that they’ve had a shocking year.  Mental health issues seem to abound this year, and we’ve certainly not escaped unscathed.  Not to worry, we’re both doing much better than we were.  I’ve dropped back to normal counselling sessions now, stopped the intensive sessions.   </p><p>She seems to be coping really well, almost a little too well but I'll remain cautiously optimistic that she genuinely has got a handle on everything.  I don’t want to hover too much but, by the same token, I don’t want to miss any warning signs, if there are any.  Savannah isn’t thrilled to be asked to keep an eye on her, she said she feels like she’s spying, but she also understands the need for it just for the next week at least.   </p><p>I was rather surprised at how much they got done at the shop.  As she said, it is a bit of a mess at the moment but once you forget the mess and look beyond, they’ve achieved a hell of a lot and it looks fantastic.  I might be able to help out a little once they get it open.  Not sure what help I can be, but I’d like to try and be involved in some way...but then, that might not be the smartest thing ever.  I’m only going to want to see what it all looks like on her and...well, lets just not go there at the moment shall we? </p><p>Mum’s coming!  I’m really looking forward to seeing her.  I know it wasn’t that long ago she was here but I miss her, and I’m homesick.  It’s been almost a year and a half since I was home and I'm beginning to forget what it looks like.  Not really, it just seems that way.  I’m looking forward to getting home early next year but have a feeling it’s not going to run as smoothly as I'd like it to.  I’m expecting all the excuses under the sun as to why she can’t come with me.  I know she said she’d travel with me, and she probably meant it when she said it, but I’ll believe it when I see it.  The attachment she has to ‘home’ is just incredible, and even on the trips she’s taken to come to see me when I’ve been working have been torturous for her and she can’t wait to get on a plane and get back home.  I don’t understand it myself, but I’ve seen her, seen what being away from here does to her if she’s gone for too long. I don’t think she’s even aware it’s happening most of the time.  She loves to travel and see new places, but only for short amounts of time.  Being away for longer periods is different. It’s like a part of her slowly dies.  She becomes moody, starts to withdraw and seems to function on autopilot.  She does everything she has to, but there’s not light inside her, no spark and it only gets better once she gets ‘home.’  Not even the house, just back in Australia.  You can literally see the transformation in front of your eyes.  So, we’ll see what happens when the time comes. </p><p>“You coming?” she asked. </p><p>“Yes, just running over some stuff in my head,” I smiled.  “Feel a bit rough around the edges this morning, still recovering from yesterday.” </p><p>“You’ll be fine.  You’re fit and healthy.  Come on, get your lazy ass out the door,” she laughed then winked so I knew she was joking. </p><p>She took off at a brisk walk, headphones in, music no doubt blaring, hands waving around as she ‘danced’.  God only knows what she’s listening to but judging by the body language it’s not Mozart.  Watching her for a minute longer, I shook myself out of my reverie, put my air pods in and set off on my run.   </p><p>Getting back home 45 minutes later, I walked in to the smell of fresh coffee.  She’s either getting a lot faster or she’s taking a short cut. Knowing how seriously she takes her training; I’m guessing she’s getting faster – a lot faster.  Too fast. </p><p>“You’re not supposed to be jogging, especially on the road.  You’re going to undo all that hard work if you’re not careful and end up worse off then you were before.” </p><p>“You finished?” she asked. </p><p>Nodding, I went to pour coffee. </p><p>“For your information smart ass, I haven’t been jogging, or running.  I’m just walking.  Admittedly it’s speed walking but no one said I couldn’t do that so that’s what I’m doing.  Now, I’ve been very patient with your hovering and over protectiveness the last couple of days but I’m telling you now, don’t be starting in on me about my physical capabilities.  We got that sorted already. Now, what do you want for breakfast?” </p><p>Watching her over the rim of my cup as I took a sip, I decided that I’d skip the lecture on the physical health for 2 reasons: the first was that we <em> did </em> sort it all out and I have no desire to tick her off and the second reason is part of the first - I have no desire to tick her off.  Given her present frame of mind I could be at risk of ‘being torn a new one’ as she so eloquently terms it.  She can term it however she wants, I’m not in the mood for that acid tongue of hers. </p><p>“What are you having for breakfast?” I questioned. </p><p>“You know I don’t eat breakfast, well not yet anyway.  I’ll grab something later.  I’ll just have my second coffee.  Now, what do you want?” </p><p>“I want you to eat, is what I want. But as you ‘don’t eat breakfast’ I guess I’ll just have to make sure you have lunch, and porridge and some toast please.  I <em> can </em> do it you know.”  She frustrated me no end sometimes.  I still don’t understand how she can go without food first thing in the morning.  I wake up excited to eat it and think about it constantly on my run.  I love breakfast, best meal of the day.   “I’ll be joining you for this morning’s session too,” I told her as she handed me porridge and toast. </p><p>“Why?” she asked. </p><p>“What do you mean why?  You’re there for training sessions, I need to train therefore I’ll be joining you.” </p><p>Giving me a dubious look, she finished her coffee, rinsed her cup and put it in the dishwasher.  “Michelle said I’m allowed to tell you to back off if I think you’re getting too extra.  You’re not far off it.” and with that she went to the bedroom. </p><p>“I’m not being ‘extra’ as you term it,” I called after her, grabbing my phone quickly and sending Savannah a text telling her Miss Moody wasn’t eating and could she possibly try to get her to eat.  From what I can tell, and what I've picked up on over time, she doesn’t do it on purpose, it’s not like she’s trying to starve herself and most of the time she doesn’t realise she’s doing it.  Gentle reminders are usually enough.  “I’ve pulled up a bit tight after yesterday so I’ll join your session this morning, the yoga will do me good and I’m sure you’ll take great delight in putting me through my paces.” </p><p>“So long as yoga is all we’re doing,” she laughed.  “I seem to recall minding my own business not long ago when I was doing yoga and getting more than I bargained for.” </p><p>Smiling, I recalled the day she was talking about when I watched her through the window as I’d been concerned about her overdoing it: watching her run through the different positions and how she’d looked doing the...Yes, well, anyway.  We have a day to get on with.   </p><p>Hearing her chuckle, I looked up, “What’s so funny?” </p><p>“What were you just thinking about?” she asked. </p><p>“None of your business,” I replied with a grin. </p><p>“Must have been good whatever it was,” she quipped as her eyes briefly dropped.   </p><p>“Oh, it was,” I replied.  “Unexpected and very good.” </p><p>She laughed out loud at that, “You’re a bad man sometimes.  Come on, let’s get moving.” </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>10.4 HI FROM SAVANNAH</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hi guys, Savannah here.  Just jumping in for a quick word then Missy will probably take over; or Tom – I don’t know which one to be honest, but someone will.  I think.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Just wanted to pop in and say hi, give you an update on things from my perspective.  The shop is looking amazing, I love it.  I’m really appreciative that I’ve had input into the design but, to be honest, it wouldn’t have mattered if I didn’t.  I loved her ideas from the time she told me what she had in mind, </span>
  <span>but</span>
  <span> to see it all coming together is fantastic.  I know Missy’s stressing about not being ready but I think we will be, as long as we stay focused.  I staggered the stock deliveries so we don’t get too overwhelmed and to make it easier to sort and </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span>.  The naughty knickers are here and upstairs, we should get the toys today.  They’ll go upstairs as well to be sorted later in the week.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Missy told me that her mother-in-law is coming to visit.  I’m a little apprehensive about meeting her.  I know she said that Mrs Hiddleston will love me but not everyone is as accepting as Tom and Missy.  I probably won’t have to see too much of her anyway, I imagine Missy will want to spend time with her and she said something about them going away for the Hemsworth’s anniversary.  I still have to give myself a mental shake when I think of things like that.  I know I work for the Hiddlestons, but I've got used to that now, it’s just when they talk about their friends and acquaintances that it brings it all back to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not starstruck but, these people are known all over the world and Tom and Missy mention them like I mention my next door neighbour.  I wonder if I’ll ever get used to it. Oh my, can you imagine if any of them came to shop here.  Good for business, I guess.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I’m </span>
  <span>rambling,</span>
  <span> aren’t I? I have a tendency to do that when I get nervous.  Tom’s got me a little stressed with this constant ‘keep an eye on Missy’ thing he’s got going on.  I spent 11 hours with her yesterday and, aside from the fact that she didn’t really eat a lot, she was fine.  Better than fine, she seemed really good.  She’s happy, confident and has heaps of energy.  I really think he needs to back off a little and leave her to do her thing.  She’s not stupid, far from it.  She knows she has issues; I sometimes hear her talking to herself about things that are bothering her.  I don’t think she </span>
  <span>realises</span>
  <span> she does it sometimes. She told me about that person from her past being dead and, whilst she didn’t go into detail, I can see it was a huge relief.  We’ve shared quite a bit about our pasts but we’ve both held back, I’m guessing for the same reasons, and that is that there’s no point in rehashing old hurts and it’s not something either of us really wants to talk about.  Given what she’s already told me about her past, I don’t want to know to be honest.  It has to have been traumatic, but it’s none of my business.  The same as bits of my life are no one’s business but my own.  We both know there’s more, but respect each other’s privacy.  I think we hit it off as well as we did because we each </span>
  <span>recognise</span>
  <span> what the other has been through.  I really want to tell Tom to back off but I don’t want to cause problems.  I’ll figure it out, I guess.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I really need to talk to Missy about hiring someone else to work with us.  I’m happy doing extra hours, but I can only do so much and if she’s going to be taking time off when </span>
  <span>Mrs</span>
  <span> Hiddleston gets here, we’re going to need to get someone in.  I’d personally like to get a student in, like when I first started.  </span>
  <span>Obviously</span>
  <span> it would be a while before we could leave them alone, but I’d really like that.  </span>
  <span>Ultimately</span>
  <span> it’s not my decision, but I’m hoping both Tom and Missy will at least consider it.  You’ll have to excuse me for a bit, there’s a delivery coming in. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sorry about that, back again now.  I’ve just had a quick peak in the boxes and it’s our chemises, corsets and upstairs stock.  I really should probably go and get a start on </span>
  <span>organising</span>
  <span> everything.  Missy should be here in another hour or so I think and I’d like to try and get the place cleaned up before she gets in and we make the next mess.  I imagine she will probably take over and finish this off unless Tom gets in early and decides to finish it.  I’m sure I’ll talk to you again at some point.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hi again, Missy said for me to keep going so I guess I will.  She came in super excited to see more boxes, she’s such a kid sometimes but it’s so damned infectious and you find yourself giggling like a school kid with her – which is not a bad thing.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a coffee or anything Savannah?” she asked me.  “I’m in desperate need of one.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, yes.  I’d love one.  Do you want me to go grab them while you have a quick look through the boxes and work out where you want to start?” I offered.  And yes, I did have an ulterior motive.  If I go, I can get food and she’ll have to eat it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would that be ok?  You don’t mind?” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t mind.” I made a show of glancing at my watch.  “I might grab some lunch while I’m out and just put it in the fridge upstairs so I don’t have to go out again if that’s ok?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She waved her hand in the air, “Yeah for sure, take your time.  Just not hours or I’ll have to hunt you down for my coffee,” she laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t be too long.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait!” she said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Stopping dead in my tracks, I turned back to her. “Was there something else?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she said, handing me her keycard.  “Take this, I’ve got no cash.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not taking your card,” I said trying to hand it back to her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you are.  Don’t piss me off Sav, I’ve had enough of Tom on my case this morning about overdoing it and being stubborn and all the other overprotective crap I’m trying to be patient about, so don’t you start with me. This is what I have to put up with, look at this,” she said turning her phone so I could see Tom in full lecture mode.  “Just take the damn card get coffee for both of us and grab lunch.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Deciding it was probably easier to just take the damn card than argue with her I headed out.  She </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> just say grab lunch, right?  She didn’t say</span>
  <em>
    <span> I</span>
  </em>
  <span> should grab lunch, she said ‘grab lunch.’  Then that’s exactly what I’ll do.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>10 minutes later, 2 coffees and 2 chicken salad </span>
  <span>wraps</span>
  <span> in my hands and I got back to the shop.  Walking in the door, she glanced up and smiled when her eyes spotted the coffee.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I so need this,” she said as she took the coffee from me.  “Sorry for snapping at you.  I’m trying so hard to be patient with Tom being so damned over protective because I know if I lose it at </span>
  <span>him,</span>
  <span> he’s immediately going to think I’m not coping, but he’s driving me crazy.  I don’t think I can handle too much more of it without losing it,” she laughed.  “I love him for it, but he needs to </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> sometimes I do know what’s best for me.  What’s that?” she asked pointing at the bag in my hand.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunch,” I simply replied.  “I’ll just go put it in the fridge upstairs and have it later.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of hours later and we’d unpacked the boxes and pretty much finished doing all we could downstairs.  She glanced at her watch and said, “Let’s take a break for lunch and then we’ll start doing some of the upstairs stock. I’m just going to grab some food.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I got you food before,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You did?  Why?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just made sense to grab lunch for both of us while I was out.  I thought if we were really </span>
  <span>busy,</span>
  <span> we could just take 5 minutes to eat then get back to it without having to worry about going back out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and led the way upstairs.  I went to the fridge and got our wraps, handing one to her and taking the other for myself.  Chatting about what to put where up here, we both ate and put forward suggestions.  Finishing up, she gathered the rubbish and disposed of it. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for that. I forgot to eat last night, and didn’t have breakfast.  I know it won’t kill me </span>
  <span>to</span>
  <span> fast for 24 hours but if Tom finds out he’ll go nuts. I was about to get up and make something to eat when he came in last night then we got talking and I completely forgot.  I’d really appreciate you not telling him, but when you do message him with your report, can you be sure to tell him I ate so he gets off my back over it? Thanks.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And with that she walked away leaving me opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water.  Turning </span>
  <span>back</span>
  <span> she grinned, “It’s fine Sav, I don’t blame you.  I know how persuasive my husband can be.  He’ll give up in a couple of days once he’s assured </span>
  <span>himself</span>
  <span> I’m fine.  You have to understand there’s been times in the past where I haven’t been fine, and against his better judgement he’d believed me when I’d said I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  It drives me nuts but I understand why he does it, and I appreciate the position it puts you in, so just know there’s no hard feelings ok?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Not really a lot one can say to that.  But </span>
  <span>Mr</span>
  <span> H is getting a message from me telling him he doesn’t need to worry about his wife.  She’s perfectly fine.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 11.1 Tom Gets Tested, 11.2 Tom 'fesses Up, 11.3 Missy Surprises Tom, 11.4 No One Expected That</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> 11.1 TOM GETS TESTED</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It would appear I’ve managed to tick Savannah off given the text message I received this afternoon.  Allow me to read it out to you:  ‘Hi Tom, just wanted to say that I really don’t think you need to worry too much about Missy, she’s fine.  She’s aware we’re both keeping tabs on her and told me to tell you ‘in my report’ that she ate lunch, so stop worrying.  Honestly, she’s doing fine and told me if she had any concerns she would say something.  I’m not comfortable reporting back any more and feel like I’m invading her space by doing so.  I was hired as shop manager, not babysitter.  If I had, or have, any concerns regarding her health I’d let you know.’ </p><p>I suppose I’ve just been put in my place.  I agree she seems fine, past experience makes me cautious, I can’t help it.  I’ve sent a text back to Savannah telling her I understand and agreeing that everything does seem to be fine.  Having mum here will be good.  She can also help, not keep an eye on her necessarily, but certainly give me an opinion as to how she thinks things are going.  I can’t help it, I love her so much I just want her to be ok.   </p><p>I finished a little earlier today so I can get to Neil and get this blood test done.  I’m not expecting to get a positive result.  From everything I’ve read it would seem I have none of the symptoms, but it’s best to get it all checked out.  Once I’m done with that I’m heading to the shop, curiousity has got the better of me and I want to see first-hand how it looks. </p><p>As far as I know, they’re hoping to open the shop at the start of next week then have the grand opening on Saturday.  I think I have to make myself scarce that day so might get in contact with some of the boys from the pub and see if they want to hang out.  I think we’ll be pretty close to having wrapped up filming by that stage.  We may have some post production stuff into the new year but I don’t expect it to be too much.  My focus at the moment is having mum visit and hopefully getting a few days away up at The Bay.  The other thing we need to sort out before that is getting an extra pair of hands for the shop.  We can’t expect Savannah to do it all on her own.  Although, if we can’t find someone that Savannah thinks is suitable, we’ll just shut the shop.  I know I’ve probably got the wrong attitude but really, it’s not like we’re desperate for the money so, if we have to operate under limited hours for the first month, then so be it. </p><p>I’ve just pulled up at the doctor’s, walked in and seen Jenny who told me to go straight in.  </p><p>“Hi Tom.  How’ve you been keeping?” </p><p>“Good thanks Neil, and yourself?” I asked. </p><p>“Doing well. Now, you’re here for your blood test is that right?” </p><p>“Sure is.  I’m not expecting any problems, but it’s best to find out.” </p><p>“I’m just going to check your blood pressure before I do the test.  I’m assuming you’d have had a full physical recently, like in the last 6 months yes?” </p><p>“Yes.  It’s one of the requirements before filming, making sure we’re in peak physical condition.” </p><p>“Right, blood pressure is fine.  Just hold still for me while I put this around. Ok, can you clench your fist a couple of tim...oh, you’ve got good veins,” Neil laughed as he put the needle into the crook of my elbow.  “Right, just one more vial.  Might as well do full blood works while we’re going.  And, there you go.  Just put a little pressure on that for me.” </p><p>“When will you get the results back?” I asked. </p><p>“Should have them day after tomorrow.  If you want to just call, I’ll let Jenny know and she can put you through to me.  I know it can get a bit difficult for you to try and get in.” </p><p>“I appreciate that, thank you. I never really know from one day to the next what time we’ll finish.” </p><p>“Just call Jenny after 3 pm and I can chat to you about it then.  As you said, I highly doubt there’s any issues, you’re far too fit and healthy.  Now, while you’re here is there anything else, you’d like to discuss?” </p><p>“Nothing that I can think of at the moment.  I’ll talk to you in a couple of days.  Thanks Neil.” </p><p>Leaving Neil's office, I headed for the shop, stopping to grab coffee first.  I’m not turning up empty handed, especially after the ‘tell him I ate when you report to him’ jibe.   </p><p>Parking the car, I walked up to the door and pushed on it but found it locked.  Knocking, I waited but there was no response.  I knew they were here because there were lights on, and the blinds on the front window were partially up.  Getting my phone out I dialed her number and waited.   </p><p>“Babe,” she answered, laughter in her voice.  “What can I do for you?” </p><p>“You could come and open the door for me.” </p><p>“Are you here?” she asked.  “Hold on, we’re just upstairs.  I’ll come down and let you in.” </p><p>Not long after, she opened the door and gave me a kiss on the lips then noticed the coffee. </p><p>“What have you done?” she asked. “Or what are you about to do?” </p><p>“Absolutely nothing.  I thought you might appreciate a coffee, that’s all.” </p><p>“Hmmm,” she said, giving me a dubious look.  “Come on upstairs.  We’ve been sorting everything out up there.” </p><p>Looking around, I have to say I was incredibly impressed by how much they’ve done and how good the place looks.  I love the couch they chose; it looks fantastic.  </p><p>“Darling, the place looks fantastic.  Looks like you’re on track to open next week.” </p><p>“I think we might just make it.  I’m so excited.”   </p><p>Leading the way upstairs, she smiled as she surveyed all they’d done.  I have to be honest, it looked brilliant up here.  I’ve had my doubts about the adult section but the way they’ve done it is very tasteful.  Upstairs has been decorated much the same as downstairs with sections for the various toys, clothes and accessories.  No bright, garish colours and everything discreetly displayed so you can see what you’re looking for but it’s not in your face.   </p><p>“This looks much better than I expected it to.  I really wasn’t too sure about this venture up here, but you’ve decorated it beautifully.” </p><p>“Thank you,” Savannah said.   </p><p>“Hi Savannah, how are you?” I asked as I held up the coffees. “You did this?” </p><p>“I did and I’m good,” she answered, coming over to take hers.  “Thank you.  And you’re well?” </p><p>“Sav did a great job up here didn’t she?” </p><p>“Yes, she did.  A wonderful job,” then turning to Savannah, “Yes, very well thank you,” then as my darling wife moved out of earshot, I leaned closer to Sav, “and I received your message loud and clear.” </p><p>“What message?” </p><p>“Never mind love, just something between Savannah and I.” </p><p>Giving a laugh she turned to me, “She finally told you what you can do with your reports on me did she?”  Then turning to Savannah, “Good for you.  Don’t let him use that damn English charm to make you do anything you don’t want to.” </p><p>“I wasn’t making...I didn’t say she...I only meant...Oh fine.  I give up.  Yes, I did ask her to let me know how she thought you were doing.  Only because I was worried about you.  But I got told in no uncertain terms this afternoon that you’re fine and I needn’t worry.” </p><p>Walking over to me, she cupped my cheeks in her palms and pulled my face down and kissed me gently on the lips.  “I love you for caring as much as you do even though you make me more insane than any mental illness I have.  I love that you worry about me, and I love that you want what’s best for me.  I even love that you’re going to have your mother watching me like a hawk when she gets here.  But please, trust me when I tell you that I’m perfectly fine.  I wouldn’t risk it, not when I know what’s at stake.  I know how close she, the Angel, was to making an appearance and you pulled me back again...believe me, I know what’s at stake here.  But. I. Am. Fine.” </p><p>Pulling her into my arms, I rubbed my nose against hers, then pulled back again so I could see her when I said, “I know you are.” </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>11.2 TOM 'FESSES UP</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Finally, the man admits he knows I’m fine. When questioned why he kept a check on me even though he knew I was fine, I had to admit I was touched, really touched and things suddenly made sense.  We’d sent Savannah home and were tidying up the last of the boxes that had to be recycled when I asked. </p><p>“Why do you keep checking up on me when you know I'm fine?  I just don’t get it.” </p><p>Sighing, he put his head down.   </p><p>“Tom?  What’s up my darling, tell me?” I asked gently. </p><p>Putting his arm out, he beckoned me over.  When I stood in front of him, he took my hands in his and brushed his lips across the back of my knuckles, then looked me in the eye, “You really want to know why I’m so protective? Fine, I’ll tell you, but please don’t get angry about it.  When you’re having issues with your mental health, I feel like you need protecting, if not from the outside world then at least from yourself.  I feel like I need to watch over you, keep you safe.  It makes <em> me </em> feel needed.  When you’re well, I feel like you don’t need me, so I keep watching over you for as long as possible trying to convince myself that I’m doing it for you, that you need me.  It’s for purely selfish reasons I do it.  I like to feel needed.” </p><p>Pulling his head down so his forehead was resting against mine, I said, “You silly, silly man.  I need you more than you could ever imagine.  Without you, I am nothing.  I need you as much as I need the air I breathe.  <em> You </em>  are what keeps me sane,  <em> you  </em> are what gives my life purpose,  <em> you </em>  are the reason I get out of bed every morning, you are my everything.  I not only need you – I love you so much it hurts, like really hurts.  Just like I told you when we got married, it hurts; right here” I said as I held my hand over his heart, “but on me, right there.  And I want you so much.  Every time I look at you, I want you.  I never tire of looking at you, making love with you, being with you – and I still can’t believe you chose me to spend your life with, broken bits and all.  Please don’t  <em> ever </em> doubt me.   I love you; I want you; I need you.” </p><p>No words were needed in response.  I could see it all in his face.  The relief, the love, the pride, everything.  I’m under no illusions here – I know it seems he loves me more than I do him, seems he cares more about me than I do him.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I’m stubborn, wilful, antagonistic and all those things that drive him to distraction, but let me tell you something. If that man told me that he really wanted me to give up everything, and I knew he meant it - the shop, my job, everything – I'd do it in a heartbeat.  I know he won’t he ask me, the same as I would never ask him.  But I’d do it if it meant that much to him.  I’ll tell you what I told him: don’t ever doubt me.  He is my everything. </p><p>… </p><p>The next few days passed pretty much the same as the last couple had.  Work, work and more work.  I split my time between the studio and the shop.  Tom was doing longer hours so I stayed at the shop longer along with Savannah, who I tried to send home, and Theresa who decided to come and keep us company.  Personally, I think she was fed up not seeing Sav and came to the shop to spend time with her girlfriend. </p><p>Tom’s blood test came back negative to having, or carrying, hemochromatosis so he was in the clear and, should we ever have children, it was looking better for them to only be carriers rather than having my issues; of course they may not have it at all.  A huge relief to both of us really.  I’ll be back next week for the next lot of blood work and venesection.   </p><p>We finished!  We did it!  We worked our asses off and we did it.  The shop’s ready to go and we’ll be opening the doors on Monday morning.  Talk about a sense of achievement.  I couldn’t be prouder of all of us.  It was bloody hard work but it’s done. Admittedly it’s not quite what we’d first envisaged but we’re both thrilled with it...sorry, we’re<em>  all  </em> thrilled with it.  Tom gave it his approval even if it is a little  <em> pink. </em> </p><p>Deciding that some form of celebration was in order, Tom said we should have a barbecue at home tomorrow night.  Savannah and Theresa were coming and Tom was going to see if the boys from the pub wanted to come as well - a huge step for Tom to allow anyone new into the ‘inner sanctum’ so to speak.  I’m proud of him for taking a chance and know how hard it is for him to fully trust people.   </p><p>… </p><p>I was a little surprised to see he wasn’t home when I arrived home.  He’d sent me a text saying he was finished for the day.  I sent one back saying I’d still be a little while because I was finishing up a few last minute things, then I’d be home. I just assumed he’d be home before me given the time he’d left. I’m sure he’ll be along soon. </p><p>I’ll head back in to the shop tomorrow morning just to dust things down, vacuum and make sure I’m perfectly happy with everything, then we’re having the barbecue tomorrow night.  I really hope at least a few of the boys will be able to make it.  It’ll be good for Tom to have someone to hang out with.   </p><p>Heading inside, I was greeted by two very excited dogs who insisted I stop and give them both ear scratches and belly rubs.  “Come on, let’s go,” I said to both of them, closing the front door.  “Have you been good boys?” </p><p>Moving inside, I threw my keys on the table and took my bag through to the living room where I dumped it on the floor then turned back to the dogs.  “Come on,” I said patting my legs.  I heard the front door open and was surprised the dogs didn’t run to Tom.  Oh well, I’d make the most of it because they’ll desert me once he comes in.  “Who wants a belly rub hmmm? Yeah, you want a belly rub?” </p><p>“Sure, I’ll take one but I’m not too sure how your husband will feel about it.” </p><p>Smiling, I looked up, “Chris!  What are you doin....Elsa! Hey, what are you guys doing here?  Tom’s not in yet, he should be here soon. I’ll give him a call,” I said as I went to give them both a hug. </p><p>“We did knock but you must not have heard.  We pretty much followed you in, I’m surprised you didn’t see us,” Elsa said.   </p><p>“Too focused on getting inside,” I laughed. </p><p>“He knows we’re here, I thought he would have told you,” Chris said, “Don’t worry about calling him, he said something about seeing someone about sticks? Does that mean anything to you?” </p><p>I laughed, “not seeing someone <em> about </em>  sticks, he’d be going to someone  <em> called </em> Sticks.  He’s one of the guys Tom met at the pub and they got on really well.  There’s the potential for a good friendship there.  We’re having a barbecue tomorrow night to celebrate getting the shop finished in time for opening on Monday and he was going to see if some of the boys he’s met wanted to come.  Are you guys in town for long?  You’re more than welcome to come.” </p><p>“We’re here until Sunday afternoon,” Elsa said. “We’re doing a promo for Centrefit and thought we’d pop in and say hi.  We hope you don’t mind.” </p><p>“You know the door is always open for you guys.  You’ll stay here of course.  You know your way to your room.” </p><p>“Sorry we didn’t call ahead. I figured if it’s an imposition you’d soon tell us,” Chris laughed.  “And then we’d just book in at a hotel.”  </p><p>“As we said years ago, it’s an open door both ends. You know you’re always welcome.  That sounds like Tom now,” I said as I heard the door again. </p><p>Tom came through and there were hugs and smiles all round with two very excited dogs trying to get in on the action. </p><p>Chatting for a while, I got up and said I’d start dinner, then before I knew it, we were all in the kitchen.  Somehow, we all managed to move around each other without getting in each other’s way too much as we chopped and diced, tasted and readjusted and half an hour later we sat down to Chilli Lime Beef with coconut rice and grabbed a beer each.  Laughing and enjoying each other's company as old friends tend to do, with lots of friendly stirring thrown in for good measure, it was just what Tom and I needed to finish off a rather hectic week.  Tom said that he’d seen the boys and that Sticks and Sparky said they’d love to come along but the others had plans.  I didn’t think that would bother Tom too much as it was those two that he seemed to get along with.  Chris and Elsa said they’d love to join us as well once they were finished doing what they needed to.  They both wanted a sneak peek at the shop and, as we’d only had one beer each, we all piled into Tom’s car and headed for the shop. </p><p>Walking in, I felt a sense of pride and wished Savannah could have been here to see the look on Elsa and Chris’s faces when they walked in.   </p><p>Elsa clapped her hands together in front of her chest, then came over and gave me a hug, “It’s beautiful!  You should be proud of yourself; it looks lovely.  So pretty.  Well done.” </p><p>“I’ll be sure to pass your praise along to the person that truly deserves the credit, and that’s Savannah.  She did most of this, I came and went as I had time but she’s put her heart and soul into it.  You’ll meet her tomorrow night.” </p><p>Chris looked around and said to Elsa, “You’ll have to do some shopping here babe.” </p><p>Elsa smiled, “Oh I have every intention of doing lots of shopping.” </p><p>“What’s up the stairs?” Chris asked. </p><p>Tom and I both smirked, “Head on up and see for yourself.” </p><p>We led the way up the stairs and watched our friends faces as they took in the area and how it was stocked.  Elsa went straight for the adult toy section and turned to me with a wink, “I think I’ll shop here too.” </p><p>“I was going to come in in the morning and just do some last-minute dusting and give the place a quick go over with the vacuum cleaner but looking around I don’t think I'll need to.  I have to be home by midday for a special delivery I've organised, so depending on what time you have to be in town, you could come down and do your shopping,” I said to Elsa. </p><p>“Ah, unfortunately we have to be there early.  Maybe Sunday before we go?” she questioned. </p><p>“Sounds great,” I said.   </p><p>“Did I hear you say you’ve got a delivery coming tomorrow?” Tom asked me.  “I thought you had everything for here already.” </p><p>“I do have everything for here,” I told him. </p><p>“Then what’s being delivered?” he asked. </p><p>“You’ll just have to wait and see,” I told him with a smile.  “It’s a surprise.” </p><p>        </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>11.3 MISSY SURPRISES TOM</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the delivery?” Tom asked again. </p><p>Laughing at his curiosity, I said, “I’m not telling you.  You’ll have to wait and see.” </p><p>“You know I’m going to keep hassling you and guessing all night, right?” </p><p>“Unfortunately, yes I do.  But you also know I’m not going to tell you, don’t you?” I replied. </p><p>“I do,” he said. </p><p>“Could be a long night babe,” Chris chuckled, turning to Elsa. </p><p>… </p><p>We headed back home, where we had a couple of drinks and just sat around talking and reminiscing as often happens when it’s just the four of us.   </p><p>“It’s been a while since it’s been just the four of us,” Tom said. “It’s kind of nice.  Darling?” </p><p>“Yes babe?” </p><p>“What’s the delivery?” </p><p>“Not telling, it’s a surprise.  So, what’s the Centrefit promo you’re doing?” I asked Chris. </p><p>“We’re just finishing off a quick video that gives a rundown on what the program involves and how easy it is to do without the need for expensive gym equipment.  We offered a free 6 week course earlier in the year just so people had access to some form of fitness instruction while gyms were closed down and it was so successful that we’re offering a 2 week one this time,” Chris answered. </p><p>“Have you had much interest in it this time?” I asked.  </p><p>“Quite a bit actually,” Elsa replied.  “How’s it going for you, working with Tom?” </p><p>“We haven’t tried to kill each other yet,” I laughed. “I don’t really work with Tom that much actually, a lot of what I’ve been doing has been with the stunt guys more than anything.  With Tom it’s mostly yoga, which he doesn’t really need a lot of help with.  It’s more an excuse to keep me under his watch, although he does need to learn to keep his hands to himself.” </p><p>Rolling his eyes, Tom shook his head, “She’s got it into her head that she’s only there to humor me and not needed at all...and I kept my hands to myself.” </p><p>“To a point, it’s your other body parts you seem to have trouble keeping to yourself,” I laughed. </p><p>“You two always were impossible like that.  I remember when you visited the set in Brisbane, the poor cleaners were terrified to open doors when you were actually anywhere near the place,” Chris told me. </p><p>“It’s the set production assistant this time, although he has a real sense of humour about it.  But yeah, most of is just to humour this one,” I said, nodding towards Tom. </p><p>“I disagree Missy, I can see the benefit of having you there between takes just to keep things warmed up, less chance of injury.  I think it’s a great idea,” Chris said. </p><p>Talk turned to the barbecue tomorrow night and what food we should get as well as what drinks to have. Using my delivery as an excuse, I said I couldn’t go the shops in the morning and that Tom would have to go.  Tom gave me a dirty look and said he could stay here and take delivery of whatever ‘it’ was freeing me up to get the groceries.   </p><p>“Why don’t you just get them delivered? Do an online shop, that way you don’t have to worry about going out. That’s all we do because we both hate going grocery shopping.  This way’s just so easy,” Elsa said. </p><p>“Can’t guarantee delivery in time.  We’ve done it online before and had to wait hours on end.  Looks like I’ll be going then,” Tom said. </p><p>“Just go early, you’ll be fine,” I told him.  “Won’t take long.” </p><p>“Hey hold up,” he said.  “Your delivery isn’t until after midday.  You said you didn’t have to be here until midday for it, you were going to go in to the shop.  You can come with me then.  We can both suffer through it.” </p><p>“Should have chosen your words a little more carefully Missy,” Chris laughed. </p><p>“Bugger,” was all I could say. </p><p>We chatted for a bit longer then called it a night, organising to be awake early enough to go for a run in the morning.  Well, run for them, walk for me. </p><p>… </p><p>“Ok, I’ll see you all back here in about half an hour,” I said as we walked out the front. </p><p>“Are you not coming?” Elsa asked. </p><p>“I still can’t run or jog, so I walk while Tom runs,” I told her. “I don’t expect him to not run simply because I can’t.” </p><p>“I’ll walk with you,” Elsa said.  </p><p>“No, it’s fine.  I’m used to going on my own.  Go for a run, I’m all good.” </p><p>“I’ll come with you,” she insisted. </p><p>“Right, well we’re off,” Tom said as he and Chris set off. </p><p>Elsa and I set off as well, me giving her a quick run down on the route I usually take so she wasn’t completely lost.   </p><p>“I didn’t realise you race walked,” she said, slow jogging beside me. “I thought you just walked.” </p><p>“I’m almost at jogging stage, just struggling with my quad but I’m finally making headway with it.  I’m not allowed to jog on the road though so, I’m not sure why I'm even really pushing to get to that point.  It’ll be good to get on the treadmill and jog though.” </p><p>“So, will you tell me what the surprise is?” Elsa asked with a smile. </p><p>“Sorry Els, it’s a secret.  You’ll find out what it is when you get back this afternoon,” I grinned.  “Not that I don’t trust you but I know how persuasive my darling husband can be.” </p><p>We arrived home, all showered, had coffee and breakfast for those that ate it, then went our separate ways for the day.  Chris and Elsa said they should be back late afternoon and we’d organised for the others to come over at 7 p.m. </p><p>… </p><p>Grocery shopping done, we got back home and put things away.  We’d gone super early so it wasn’t crowded and we managed to get it all done without one argument, quite proud of ourselves we were. </p><p>Sharing housework duties as we usually do, Tom was inside running the dustcloth over furniture and I was out the back hanging clothes when he called out, “Darling, I think your delivery is here.” </p><p>Going inside, I went to the front door and sure enough, it was here.  Smiling at the delivery driver I said, “You’re going to hate me when I show you where it has to go.  You won’t be able to get the truck all the way around unfortunately but if you need a hand to lift and carry it my husband and I can help.”  Getting him to follow me, I walked him around the side of the house and pointed to the sliding glass doors, “It has to go in there.” </p><p>Looking around at the size of the gap he had to maneuver in, he gave a bit of a grimace, “Gonna be a tight fit, but I reckon we’ll get her in pretty close.” </p><p>Standing out the way, I watched as he expertly reversed the truck, squeezing it through the gap with the help of his offsider standing behind and directing him.  Once he was as close as he could get, he opened the back of the truck.   </p><p>Tom came wandering out to stand beside me, grin from ear to ear when he realised what it was.  “When in the name of hell did you find time to do this?” </p><p>Watching as the guys unloaded the pool table legs and moved them into the games room, I smiled, “The day you told me it was a good table and that you liked it.  I sent an email, then rang them first thing Monday.  They actually had one in stock, the only difference between the one you liked and this one is the colour of the felt.  This one’s a slightly darker green than the one you wanted.” </p><p>“Sorry to bother you Mrs, but is there any chance we can take you up on that offer of help.  It’s a tight spot to try and turn in and we’re going to have to angle it to get it off the truck and through the door.” </p><p>“Absolutely,” I said.  “Where do you want us?” </p><p>The delivery driver hadn’t really looked at Tom, and glanced up giving a nod. “G’day mate, thanks for hel....Hey aren’t you that Hiddleston bloke?” </p><p>Tom laughed as he offered his hand in a hand shake, “Yes, I am.  Tom, how are you?” </p><p>The driver shook hands with Tom, “Barry mate, I’m good.  Good to meet you.  You sure you don’t mind giving us a hand with this?” </p><p>“Happy to help,” Tom said as Barry directed him to the end of the table.   </p><p>After a bit of manhandling and a few swear words, the table was safely inside and Barry decided that was a great time to stop and have a bit of a chat to Tom about Loki.  Tom ever so patiently explained there really wasn’t much he could say other than what had already been said except maybe that they were close to finishing filming. Barry seemed satisfied with that bit of information and wandered off to join his offsider.  With everything from the truck inside, it was just a matter of assembling it which we left Barry and Gary (I know right, rhyming names) to do.    </p><p>While they assembled the table Tom and I went back to the living room where I got the biggest hug and kissed thoroughly.  “How do you manage to keep things a secret when you hate surprises so much?” he asked me. </p><p>“I hate surprises for me, I love them for everyone else,” I said.  “And it wasn’t really that hard, it’s not like we’ve seen a lot of each other this week.  And it was such a secret that I didn’t even tell Savannah.  I hope you like it.” </p><p>“I love it!  Thank you, my darling. You’re amazing.  You know, that right?” he asked.  </p><p>“I’m only amazing because it’s something you wanted,” I laughed. </p><p>Suddenly very serious, he pulled me to him and said, “No it’s not.  You are amazing. You never cease to surprise me, not only with little stunts like this, but as a person.” </p><p>Not really having any smart-ass comeback to that one, I let his words wash over me and just hugged him tight.  “I’m glad you think so.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>11.4 NO ONE EXPECTED THAT</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took Barry and Gary just over 2 hours to get the table assembled and in position.  We all had to give it a good push and shove to get it exactly where Tom wanted it, but it was worth the effort just to see how happy he was once it was where he wanted it.  Barry and Gary gave Tom a rundown on maintenance and pointed to a box on the floor just under the table. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Balls and bit and pieces are in there,” Gary said.  “Cues are over there,” nodding to the wall. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Barry smiled and came to take Tom’s hand again, “Hope you enjoy it.  You picked a good table, great quality.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for all your help, we appreciate it,” Tom said to them.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We walked out to the truck with them and watched as Barry expertly drove the truck out of our yard then gave them a wave as they tooted the horn. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Heading back inside, I was so excited to see the look on Tom’s face as he checked the table out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Open the box,” I told him.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling the box out from under the table, he undid the tape and removed the boxes that were inside plus the triangle and cubes of chalk.  Opening the smaller </span>
  <span>boxes,</span>
  <span> he found a set of pool balls and a set of snooker balls.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s not a regulation size snooker table but you can still play.  I figured you’d play pool more often than not but thought I’d get both sets of balls so you have the option.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, I really don’t know what to say.  I love it all and I can’t quite believe it to be honest.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope the cues are ok.  I didn’t get the chance to go in and pick them out so I spoke to the owner and asked him to put 4 of the best he had in, plus the jigger.  There should be a rack somewhere for the cues.  It might be buried in that box, I was told it’s a </span>
  <span>diy</span>
  <span> project,” I smiled when his head shot up. “I thought you’d like that.  Let’s hope it works out better than the bookshelf you built,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> shush you,” he chuckled.  “I got the thing together, not my fault the books you put in it were too heavy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How the hell could they have been too heavy?  It was a bookshelf for goodness sake, it’s meant to hold heavy books.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...you used it too soon after I finished it,” he tried to justify.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no.  There was no glue so it didn’t need time.  It was screwed together... let me rephrase that...it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>meant</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be screwed together, using </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> the screws they gave you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We both had a laugh about his lack of DIY expertise as he pulled the cue rack out of the box.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks straightforward enough,” he said.  “Surely I can do this without making a </span>
  <span>balls</span>
  <span> up of it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to try and put it together?” I asked, tongue in cheek.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No smart ass, I can do it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>45 minutes later, cue rack assembled, pool cues in said rack and rack still in one piece, Tom stood back surveying his handiwork.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“See smart ass, I told you I could do it,” he said. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, I admit it, you did good,” I told him.  “Should we actually take a look at the cues?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess we should,” he replied.  “What did you say you asked for?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just asked him to give us 4 of the best cues he had. No idea if they’re all the same, all different, 2 and 2.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Picking up the cues and inspecting them Tom said, “2 and 2 and they’re weighted beautifully.  Here, </span>
  <span>have</span>
  <span> a feel.”  Passing me a cue, I balanced it in my hand and was impressed by how well weighted it actually was.  “Rack ‘</span>
  <span>em</span>
  <span> up baby,” I told him with a laugh. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to play?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, but please remember I haven’t played in a long time ok?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take it easy on you,” he said with a smile.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks babe, but I’m not taking it easy on you. Who’s breaking?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind either way,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll break,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He racked the balls, chalked the cue, lined up his shot and took it.  The balls went flying around the table but he pocketed none.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>My turn. Looking around the table, there wasn’t much on offer but I attempted to get a ball in the side pocket and failed miserably.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice try,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> bite me,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He took his shot, sunk a ball and then proceeded to sink another 4 leaving him with 2 and the black.  Taking a look around the table </span>
  <span>again, I</span>
  <span> could see a clear shot but then I wasn’t sure about the follow up.  Taking a chance, I sunk the ball and perfectly lined up the next shot.  I ended up the same as Tom, 2 balls and the black to go. Competition was on.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not bad for someone that hasn’t played for a long time,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Imagine how bad I’m </span>
  <span>gonna</span>
  <span> kick your ass when I get a bit of practice in,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We messed around for an hour or so (Tom won) then figured it was probably about time to start sorting food out for tonight.  Chris and Elsa should be back anytime giving us a couple of hours before the others arrived.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We were sorting out salads when the door opened and Chris and Elsa came in.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, how did it all go?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” Elsa replied.  “We finished the video, did the voice work and it’s all done.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome!  We’ve still got about an hour and a half before the others get here.  Do you want to come see what Tom got this afternoon?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this the surprise?” Chris wanted to know.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Surprise was an </span>
  <span>understatement</span>
  <span>,” Tom answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chris gave a whistle when he walked into the games room, “Nice one.  It’ll be good to see this room actually get used for something.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t agree more,” I said. “It’s always been such a wasted space.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I like this one,” Elsa said.  “At least yours is out of the way.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chris and Elsa had a table but Chris insisted on it being in their all-purpose room/living room – which is a massive space and more than big enough.  I swear half our house would fit in that room...and our house is not a small house.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s give it a whirl,” Chris said, grabbing a cue.  “You two playing, we can go doubles?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa looked at me and shrugged, “I’m game if you are.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to do it guys and girls, couples or swaps?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we do swaps?” Tom suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>So,</span>
  <span> Elsa and you, Chris and me?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m up for it,” Chris said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Elsa, you ok with that?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like fun,” she answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom racked the balls, then asked who was going to break. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Stepping up to the table, I said I’d do it.  Taking the shot, I only gently tapped the balls so they stayed clustered together.  Chris smirked and high fived me, while Tom shot me a dirty look, shook his head and took a shot.  The game progressed in fits of laughter, accusations of foul play and much ribbing.  Chris and I ended up winning the game and, amid calls for a rematch, we checked the time and </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> we’d best get ourselves ready as our guests would be here soon and we still needed to change and </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> ourselves in the kitchen.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Freshly showered and changed, we were in the kitchen sorting snacks and salads when the intercom sounded.  Pushing the buzzer to open the gate, Tom waited by the front door to find that Sticks and Sparky had arrived at the same time as Savannah and Theresa. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey everyone,” Tom greeted.  “Glad you could make it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I’d gone to the door with him and greeted our guests, “Hi, glad you could make it.  I hope you don’t mind, some friends of ours came </span>
  <span>unexpectedly</span>
  <span> last night and we’ve asked them to stay.  I figure the more the merrier.  Come on through.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom </span>
  <span>led</span>
  <span> the way, with me just behind him then Savannah and Theresa with Sticks then Sparky bringing up the rear.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To their credit they all kept their cool and seemed completely unfazed when Tom did the introductions.  Handshakes all round with ‘nice to meet you’s’ and the night was off to a great start.  We grabbed some beers and all headed out the back to the entertainment area.  Chris was asking Savannah about the shop and how long she’d worked there.  Savannah explained she’d worked there since school and how she’d been at university.  Chris seemed genuinely interested and was doing a great job at drawing Savannah out and keeping the conversation flowing.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t </span>
  <span>uni</span>
  <span> finished for the year?” Chris asked.  “You’d have done your finals last month wouldn’t you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It has and yes, I did,” Savannah answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on,” I said.  “You’re finished?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah nodded, “I have.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait on, this was your final year.  Savannah, you’re finished and you didn’t say anything?  I’m assuming you’ve got your results?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly shy, she nodded and reached for Theresa’s hand.  “Yeah, I got them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” I asked. “How’d you do?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I passed,” she stated matter of factly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa gave a little snort and said, “Passed?  You did more than pass sweets.”  Then looking up, pride evident on her face, “She passed with high distinctions.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God, Savannah! Why didn’t you say something?  That’s amazing.  Congratulations,” I said, jumping up to hug her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone congratulated her, causing her to blush, but I could see she was ok with the attention and took it in good </span>
  <span>humour</span>
  <span>.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa then said, “I’ve been waiting for this for a while, I would have done it earlier but you put so much pressure on yourself with uni, then being busy with the shop, I didn’t really get the chance.”  Standing up, she swallowed hard then went down on one knee in front of Savannah, while we all collectively held our breath.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Savannah, it took me a while to </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> that you were right and we are meant to be together, but I know that now.  I love you with all my heart and was wondering if you’d do me the </span>
  <span>honour</span>
  <span> of marrying me and being my wife.  Sorry to hijack your party folks but I need to do it now before I chicken out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa and I had grabbed each other in a hug, Tom’s hand on my leg, Chris’s hand on Elsa’s, while Sparky and Sticks were literally sitting on the edge of their seats.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah looked down at Theresa, tears in her eyes and nodded, “Yes!  Yes, I’ll marry you.  I’d love to be your wife.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. 12.1 New Friends And Old,  12.2 Visiting Marvelously Mischievous, 12.3 Not Acceptable, 12.4 The Pressure's On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>12.1 NEW FRIENDS AND OLD</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Savannah said yes, there was an audible gasp as we all let out the breath we’d been holding and sucked in a fresh one.  A cheer went up around the table, then next minute Savannah and Theresa were swamped with hugs and kisses. </p><p>Theresa pulled me aside a little and said, “I’m so sorry to have hijacked your party, it’s just that, I knew if I didn’t do it then I’d chicken out and not do it for another goodness knows how long.” </p><p>“Please don’t apologise.  I feel honored that we were involved.  Surprised the hell out of all of us,” I laughed. </p><p>“Congratulations Theresa,” Tom said coming up and giving her a hug.  “That took us by surprise.” </p><p>“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to hijack your party,” she told him. </p><p>“I’m thrilled that you did,” Tom replied.  “Absolutely ecstatic for the both of you.” </p><p>“Congratulations guys,” Chris said as he gave them both a one armed hug.  “Best way to do it is in public, harder for them to say no,” he said to Theresa with a wink as Sticks and Sparky approached to offer their congratulations also. </p><p>Savannah and Theresa took a step back and hugged each other, smiles a mile wide, while the rest of us gave them a minute alone.  When they rejoined us, it was Elsa who spoke first, “I expect an invite to your wedding you know.  You can’t have us involved at this stage and not let us see it through.” </p><p>Giving a bit of a laugh Savannah, said as a joke, “I’ll make sure yours is the first invitation we write.”  </p><p>Chris, having overheard the conversation laughed and said to Savannah, “She’ll hold you to it.” </p><p>“Sure she will,” Savannah replied with laugh.   </p><p>Chris looked at Savannah and said, “You might think she’s kidding but get ready for the million messages asking when and where the wedding is and where her invitation is.” </p><p>“Why would she want to come to our wedding?” Savannah asked. </p><p>“She’s invested now,” Chris replied.  “In some respects, she’s worse than this one,” he said pointing at me.  “You involved her simply by her being here for your proposal and acceptance so that’s it, you're part of the family now.” </p><p>“They were both part of the family anyway, the family just extended a little,” I laughed, then turned to Savannah.  “And yes, she will expect an invite, she’s not kidding.”  </p><p>“I haven’t thought about invites or anything, haven’t though that far ahead yet,” Savannah said.   </p><p>“Of course you haven’t.  You’ve only just said yes.  Plenty of time to work it all out.  I’m an expert in quickie marriages,” I laughed.  “Organised mine in 48 hours.” </p><p>Laughing out loud Theresa said, “I want it to be soon but maybe not quite that soon.” </p><p>We toasted the girls then cooked the barbecue and ate with conversation flowing freely as everyone got to know everyone else.  It was so nice to see everyone getting along and to see Tom laughing and enjoying himself among people he was comfortable with.  After we’d finished eating, we decided to go play some pool.  Obviously we couldn’t all play together so Elsa and I said we’d be happy to sit out for a while, then Theresa and Savannah decided they’d sit back and watch.  As you’d expect, talk turned to Theresa and Savannah’s wedding. </p><p>“Do you have any idea when you’d like to get married?” Elsa asked them. </p><p>Savannah shrugged, “For me, I’d like it to still be warm.  So sometime in the next 6 months I guess. What about you Tess?” </p><p>Theresa smiled, “To be honest, the sooner the better.  If we could organise it to happen within the next month I’d happily do it.” </p><p>Elsa and I both laughed, “Sorry, don’t mean to laugh,” I said.  “It’s just that, we both organised our weddings rather quickly.” </p><p>“We could get married in the New Year,” Savannah suggested.  “It’s warm; well, hot usually.  It's not too far away.  Do you think we could get it organised that quick with the holiday season coming up?” </p><p>“Things to think of,” Elsa said.  “Where do you want to get married, how many people would you be expecting, are you booking a reception, cake, clothing, celebrant.  That’s a start.  Depending on your answers you may, or may not, be able to plan it quickly.” </p><p>I admit I haven’t known Savannah for long, and don’t really know her that well, but I was pretty sure it would be small and simple, possibly even a registry office with a small gathering of their friends and family afterwards. </p><p>There was a lot of laughter coming from the area around the pool table with general remarks calling into question eyesight and ability.  Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but smile at how natural they all seemed with each other.  Sticks and Sparky seemed like genuine, upfront people and I really liked that about them.  They were the same here as they had been down at the pub and the day Sparky was at the shop.  I like people like that – people you know where you stand with.  I can’t stand people who put on airs and graces, fake people, they always come undone in the end.  But these guys seemed genuine. </p><p>Turning my attention back to the conversation at hand, I heard Savannah and Theresa discussing what it was they wanted.  Neither, it seemed, had family to worry about and only a few close friends that they would consider inviting but even that they weren’t too fussed about.  They literally had a small guest list of each other...and Elsa.   </p><p>“Seems a bit sad when you start thinking about it,” Theresa said.  “We really don’t have a large social circle. We tend to just stick together.” </p><p>“There’s nothing wrong with that, if that’s what makes you happy,” Elsa said. </p><p>“In all honesty, I’d prefer small but I don’t want a registry office,” Theresa said. </p><p>“I’m all for small,” Savannah agreed.  “But I’m not fussed on location. I really don’t care if it’s a registry office, but if that’s not what you want then we’ll work something out.” </p><p>“How about a beach?” Elsa suggested.  “And what about honeymoon have you considered that?” </p><p>I looked at Elsa and she gave me a wink. I knew exactly where she was going with this but I wasn’t sure if Savannah and Theresa would go for it.   </p><p>“Hadn’t really thought about a honeymoon.  We probably won’t have a lot of time.  A beach wedding sounds nice,” Savannah said.  “What do you think Tess, a beach wedding?” </p><p>“I’d like that.  You know I love the ocean,” Theresa answered. </p><p>Elsa jumped up, “Excuse me for just a minute,” she said and walked over to Chris.  Tom glanced toward me with a questioning look on his face and I just smiled and shrugged as I looked at Elsa’s animated body language while she was talking to Chris.  Tom must have caught the gist of the conversation because his face suddenly broke into a huge grin and I saw him nodding.  These poor girls have got no hope, they’re wedding is about to be taken over.  I just hope they’re ready for it and aren’t too scared to stand up for themselves. </p><p>The game of pool wrapped up and the boys came over to join us on the oversized sofas and easy chairs.  </p><p>Chris spoke up, “Elsa tells me you’re considering a beach wedding.” Chris said. </p><p>“It’s something to consider,” Savannah said.  “We’ll have a think about it.” </p><p>“We’re renewing our vows on the beach in a couple of weeks,” he told them. “These guys will be coming up for it, then I’m assuming you’ll be back up just after Christmas for New Year?” </p><p>“More than likely,” I answered.  “Just seeing what my family are doing.  Not that it really matters because, well, you’ve met them.” </p><p>“Your folks are lovely,” Elsa said. </p><p>“You don’t have to deal with them for any length of time,” Tom said.  “They become very draining, very quickly.” </p><p>Sparky mentioned that they used to holiday up around Byron when they were kids and how it had changed but not changed since they used to go all the time.  This led to a conversation regarding what was still there and what wasn’t there and how the locals were very protective of the more well known residents.  Tom brought up how much he appreciated everything the boys had done for him when he’d been at the pub with them which led to another discussion about how a lot of celebrities just wanted to be treated like anyone else.  Chris and Elsa were saying how lucky they were to be as protected as they were in the community.  Tom said we were hoping we’d eventually be able to have something similar to that here where we were just accepted as part of the furniture.   </p><p>The conversation eventually swung back around to Savannah and Theresa’s wedding and I had to give kudos to Chris and Elsa for the way they steered the conversation away from the subject before bringing it all the way back around. </p><p>“Look, I know you don’t know us and it’s probably rather forward of us, but Tom and Missy have been telling us how wonderful you’ve been to them and what an asset to their business you are.  We’d be more than happy to have you come up and get married up home if you wanted.  We’ve got a shack on our property that’s away from everything and everyone that you could use if you wanted to take some time out for a honeymooon.  there’d be no pressure on you, you can come and go as you please.  It’s totally up to you but the offer’s there if you want to take us up on it,” Chris said to the girls. </p><p>“And that way, I'm guaranteed an invite,” Elsa grinned. </p><p>I could see Theresa and Savannah were a bit overwhelmed by the offer and told them to take some time to think about it, no one expected them to make their minds up then and there, shooting Elsa a look that she had to laugh about.   </p><p>“i know, I’m pushy,” she said. </p><p>“Sometimes, yes,” I agreed. </p><p>“Who’s up for a game of pool?” Tom asked. </p><p>Chris and Sticks, played Elsa and Savannah this round, which was a bit unfair because the boys wiped the floor with them, but it was all good fun. </p><p>I sat back and had to smile about the mix of people here tonight and how everyone just gelled. Chris and the boys hit it off as well as Tom and the boys did and Elsa’s one of those people that has a knack of making everyone feel at ease.  Seeing my husband relaxed and happy made me happy.  It was going to be hard to leave it all behind when the time came for us to head overseas, but I <em> did </em> promise him I’d travel with him. But it doesn’t mean I won’t miss this.   </p><p> </p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>12.2 VISITING MARVELOUSLY MISCHIEVOUS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The night wore on, we drank, we ate, we laughed, we played and there was much friendly banter going back and forth.  To be honest, you’d think we’d all been friends for many years.  Whilst no one drank excessively, everyone had had their fair share and there’s no way anyone could drive home.  </p><p>“We can either call you a cab or you can stay here,” Tom told Sticks, Sparky, Savannah and Theresa.  “We’ve got plenty of room, I’ll leave it up to you.” </p><p>“We have got plenty of room but you’d have to share a bathroom I’m sorry, we’re still working on getting an extra bathroom for one of the spare bedrooms.   Unless someone wants to stay in the granny flat, then you’d have your own.  Diana won’t mind,” I said. </p><p>Savannah and Theresa thanked us for the offer but decided they’d get a cab home and we’d pick one of them up in the morning after Elsa had visited the shop and done her shopping, to bring them back to get their car.  </p><p>“You might want to take 2 cars,” Chris said. “By the time Elsa finishes shopping there’ll be no room for anyone in the car.” </p><p>“And you’re complaining?” Elsa asked Chris, big smile on her face. “Sorry Missy, maybe I won’t go shopping after all.” </p><p>“Hey don’t be making any rash decisions,” Chris said as he winked.  “I’m not complaining – not at all, but I know you.  They’ll have to restock the shop by the time you’re finished shopping.”  </p><p>“I’ll stop her before it gets to that point,” Savannah laughed.  “I’ve worked too bloody hard to have to restock much of anything and I want it perfect for Monday.” </p><p>I had to laugh at Savannah getting uptight about the thought of the shop being anything less than perfect.  In her defense she was right, she had worked bloody hard to have everything ready.  </p><p>“What about you guys?” I asked turning to Sparky and Sticks.  “Do you want a cab or would you like to stay?” </p><p>“To be honest, I feel like I’ve imposed on your hospitality enough already.  Thanks for the offer but I think I’ll head home,” Sticks said.  “Sparky, what about you mate?” </p><p>“Yeah, thanks for the offer but I think I’ll head home too,” he replied. </p><p>“We came together so I’ll get Sparky to pick me up and bring me back to get my car tomorrow if that’s ok with you?” </p><p>We assured everyone their cars would be safe and organised to be here for midday when the boys would come pick up the car.   </p><p>… </p><p>After the others had gone the four of us sat around and chatted for a while longer.  </p><p>“She’s a sweetheart,” Elsa said talking about Savannah. “You’re lucky to have someone so loyal and who clearly cares so much about you.” </p><p>“Believe me, I know how lucky we are. I worry about leaving her when we have to head overseas.  Not because of the job, I have no doubt that she could do that standing on her head with her eyes closed, but because...I just worry that’s all.” </p><p>“Those boys are very protective of you,” Chris said to Tom.  “It’s nice to see that you’re making friends now that you’ve actually been in the country for a while.  How’s it going for both of you?  This is the longest you’ve ever spent together isn’t it?” </p><p>“We’ve had a few hiccups along the way, but we’ve sorted it all out and we’re doing fine now.  Considering we’ve spent double the normal length of time together, I’d say we’re doing amazing.  We’ve discovered we actually like each other,” I answered. </p><p>“Most of the time,” Tom added with a grin.   </p><p>“True, most of the time,” I agreed. </p><p>“What’s this about you heading overseas? You going home for a break?” Elsa asked. </p><p>“No. I signed on to do that political thriller series back home and this one,” Tom said, putting his arm around me, “has said that she’ll be travelling with me.  No more months and months of separation, we’ll actually be together more often than not.” </p><p>“You’ve finally caved,” Chris stated. </p><p>“I know we haven’t been together quite as long as you guys, you just beat us, but we’ve spent about half that time separated because of work.  There’s been times where we’ve gone almost 9 months and only seen each other for a week in that time.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I want to be with Tom and if that means travelling overseas, then that’s what I have to do.” </p><p>“Are you going to be ok being away from here?  I know how strong your attachment to the land is.  You going to cope?” Chris asked with genuine concern. </p><p>“I honestly don’t know.  All I <em> do </em> know is that I have to try.  If it doesn’t work and it starts to get to me too much, then I come home and we resume our separate lives until we can be together again.  I’ll be giving it my best shot,” I answered.  “Or I clock up some pretty impressive frequent flyer points.  Have you got everything organised for your ceremony?  We’re both really looking forward to it, and hopefully we can even manage a couple of extra days.  Sav’s more than capable of running the shop, hell she’s a got a business degree now, and we’re hopeful that Tom will have wrapped by then, but as it’s only a couple of weeks away, who knows?” </p><p>“We’re just about done organising everything.  There’s no real pressure this time around and I have to admit, its lovely to not have all those pressures.  It’s not a big deal, family and a few close friends, that’s it,” Elsa said. </p><p>“And we’ll have mum with us too,” Tom said.  “She’s only coming for a couple of weeks.” </p><p>“I’m glad she could make it.  It’ll be nice to see her again.  You must miss her,” Chris said. </p><p>“I miss mum, my sisters, my dad, my house, everything really.  I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to going home for a while.  It’s not a massively long shoot but it does mean we’ll finish off the northern winter, which someone doesn’t like,” Tom said looking at me.  “Then part of an English summer, and as far as we know we’ll be back here for the end of winter.” </p><p>“Can’t say I’m thrilled about that,” I stated.  “But at least I’ll get some of summer here.  Damn!” </p><p>“What’s up love?” Tom asked. </p><p>“I need to get Theresa and Savannah married as soon as possible.  We’re heading overseas which means they’re not going to have time for a honeymoon.  I don’t think Sav will leave anyone in the shop on their own for a couple of weeks, and I’m not closing it while they go away.  They need to get married soon or they wait until we get back for a honeymoon.” </p><p>Deciding to call it a night, we all wished each other pleasant dreams and a good sleep as we arranged to have breakfast together and skip our run/walk...the odd day off here and there never hurt. </p><p>… </p><p>Breakfast over Elsa and I got ready to head for the shop.  We were just about ready to leave when Tom and Chris decided they were coming with us.   We waited a couple of minutes while they got ready then the four of us headed out. </p><p>Arriving at the shop, Tom and I both smiled as we unlocked the door.  It still felt a bit surreal knowing we’d done it – mostly Savannah – but, we were ready.  Tomorrow the doors would open on Marvelously Mischievous for the first time.  I suddenly felt quite nervous.  What if people didn’t like what we’d done?  What if they didn’t like that our stock?  How would they react to the upstairs section?  </p><p>Tom came up behind me and whispered quietly in my ear, “Get out of your head.  They’re going to love it.” </p><p>Smiling at just how well he knows me, I turned to him, “I wasn’t in my head.  I was just...” </p><p>“...in your head worrying that people aren’t going to like it.  Yes, I know,” he chuckled.   </p><p>“Where do I start?” Elsa asked, looking around. </p><p>“Wherever you’d like to.  Feel free to wander where you want.  I’m just going to head up and make a coffee, anyone else?” </p><p>They all declined but followed me upstairs anyway. Chris was straight onto the weights machine while Elsa browsed the naughty knickers and toys.  Once he realised what she was looking at, Chris followed leaving Tom and I giggling at how fast he’d moved.  We followed them out onto the floor and all got the giggles at Tom and Chris playing around with some of the toys. </p><p>“Can you two stop it,” I laughed. “I have to sell those.” </p><p>“Can’t we just take them home,” Tom winked.  “Try the merchandise before we sell it?” </p><p>“I did, if you remember, suggest that but you turned me down flat,” I reminded him. </p><p>“I don’t recall that conversation,” he said.  “Was I actually present for that particular conversation?” </p><p>“No,” I admitted. “We were on the phone...and you did get me to repeat myself several times on certain things.” </p><p>“Ah yes, I think I remember the day.  it was loud on set and I couldn’t hear much.” </p><p>Chris and Elsa, finished browsing and choosing up here, headed for the steps, while I grabbed my coffee and Tom cornered me pinning me against the wall.   </p><p>“My mind is wandering places it probably shouldn’t,” he said as he bent down and kissed me. </p><p>“As long as it’s only your mind and not other body parts, we’re good.  I don’t think we really need to traumatise our guests.” </p><p>Tom laughed out loud, “No, I suppose you’re right.  Knowing what we get up to and actually catching us doing it are two very different things. Ok, get your coffee and let’s go downstairs before I end up throwing you on that couch and having my wicked way with you regardless of our guests.” </p><p>Joining Chris and Elsa downstairs, we got a smirk from Chris, “Wasn’t sure whether I should venture back up or whether you might have been having a ‘private moment.’” </p><p>Tom and I both laughed, “He considered it.” </p><p>“Well, your antics are fairly legendary.  You’ve got one hell of a reputation and word is out now that if you’re around and Tom can’t be found it’s best to knock on any closed door before entering.” </p><p>Tom grinned, “And that’s as it should be.” </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>12.3 NOT ACCEPTABLE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Finishing up their shopping, Elsa and Chris gathered Elsa’s purchases - not the car load Chris said, but still an impressive shop - and we headed for the car to go pick up Savannah so she could get her car.  She was ready and waiting for us and climbed in the back between Elsa and I, then looked in the back of the car at the two bags. </p><p>“I swear I didn’t mess it up and you’ll hardly notice there’s anything missing,” Elsa said, smirk on her face. </p><p>Savannah, keeping a straight face said, “Just as well or you’d be here tomorrow morning filling everything back up again.” </p><p>Elsa looked at her for a moment, then broke into a huge smile, “I like you, you’re not a pushover.  You’re going to fit in just fine.” </p><p>“She already does,” I told Elsa, “she’s put Tom in his place; a couple of times now I believe, and she’s very subtly put me in my place once or twice too.  And she has impeccable taste as you saw today at the shop.  I have my ideas, but this lovely lady guides me gently towards what she wants while making it look as if it was my idea all along.”  Then turning to Savannah, I smiled, “I’m not as silly as you think.” </p><p>Savannah laughed, “I know you’re not silly, you’re very good at pretending to be when it serves your purpose though.” </p><p>Chris turned around in the front seat and chuckled, “She’s got your measure Missy.”  Then to Savannah, “I can see you’re going to be good for our Missy, keep her in line.” </p><p>Arriving back home, we noticed that the boys had just pulled up so Sticks could pick his car up.  Savannah jumped out and went to go to her car when Elsa stopped her.   </p><p>“Did you have a chance to talk over our offer?” she asked. </p><p>Savannah smiled, “I can see why you and Missy are friends, you’re both relentless once you get an idea and want to see it come to fruition.  Yes, we did talk it over.” </p><p>“And?” I asked at the same time Elsa did. </p><p>“I think the boys are waiting to talk to you,” she said nodding towards Sticks and Sparky. </p><p>“Don’t go anywhere,” Elsa ordered her.   </p><p>After a quick chat with the boys, Elsa’s attention was straight back on Savannah. </p><p>“Give the girl a break babe,” Chris said.   </p><p>“I wish Tess was here,” Savannah said.  “We’ve got a bit of a problem and may have to hold off until the end of next year.” </p><p>“What? Why?” I asked.  “Actually, hold that thought.  Come in, have a drink and we’ll chat and sort this problem out.” </p><p>Coming inside with us, we sat down while Tom made coffee.   </p><p>“So, what problem do you have?” Elsa asked. </p><p>“We were talking about taking you up on your very generous offer and decided we would, but then realised Missy and Tom are going to be away early in the year.  We can’t shut the shop, and even if we hired someone now I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving them on their own in the shop for that long this soon into their employment and we’ve decided we’ll probably have to hold off until the end of the year.  We know we could get married and forego the honeymoon but we’ve never really had a holiday together so...we’ve decided to wait so we can have a holiday as well,” she finished.   </p><p>Elsa looked at me, “Are you closing the shop over Christmas and New Year?”  </p><p>“It’s probably a poor business decision, but we were going to shut down for 2 weeks,” I said as Savannah shot me a look. </p><p>“And you were telling me this when? Shouldn’t I know this?” </p><p>“Calm your farm,” I said to her.  “I was going to tell you tomorrow.  No one’s going to shop between Christmas and New Year anyway, then Tom and I were hoping to grab a sneaky few days at The Bay before we have to think about organising this place and getting ready to head the U.K, so it just made sense to close down.  I know as the manager it should be up to you, but I did tell you we’re new to this business ownership thing, and besides, who wants to work at that time of year?  Why were you asking Elsa.” </p><p>“Can you file your paperwork tomorrow?” she asked Savannah. </p><p>“No, we’re opening tomorrow.  I can’t,” she answered. </p><p>“Yes, she can,” I over ruled.  “I’ll find a way for her to get time to do it.” Then turning to Savannah, “Will you put yourself first for once.  You’ve gone above and beyond getting the shop ready. We’ll find a way to get that paperwork in.” </p><p>Savannah sat quietly while I asked Elsa, “Why, what are you thinking?” </p><p>“I think it only fair that we hijack her wedding seeing as how they hijacked your party last night,” Elsa said with a grin and wink. “We’ve both planned quickie weddings before.  How hard can it be to plan another one?” </p><p>Savannah looked a bit dubious, “You’ll never find a celebrant willing to do it at that time of year.” </p><p>“My cousin is a celebrant and if I have to fly him up for the day then I will.  Next argument?” </p><p>“What about our clothes, we haven’t decided what we’re wearing yet,” she said. </p><p>“Then I suggest you get Theresa on the phone and get her over here now so you can sort it out,” I said.   </p><p>“But, but I don’t know...” she trailed off as Elsa picked up Savannahs phone and handed it to her.  Taking the phone, she looked at me, gave a big sigh and new she’d been bested.  “Tess, hi, I’m at Missy’s, is there any chance you could come over?  No, I just told them we probably wouldn’t be getting married until the end of next year but apparently that’s not acceptable and your presence is required so we can go over a few details.  Yes, I know I said that.  Can you come?  Ok, see you soon.  Love you.” </p><p>Finishing their coffee, Tom and Chris beat a hasty retreat outside to play with the dogs for a while, both giving Savannah a sympathetic look as they walked by. </p><p>“Yeah, thanks for the support you two,” Savannah called after them, “Really appreciate it.” </p><p>They boys laughed, Chris hugging Tom as they ducked for cover and muttered about not having a hope in hell, self preservation and just give up as they headed out the back. </p><p>“I just need to use the bathroom,” Savannah said.  “Try not to plan the entire wedding without me.” </p><p>Waiting until she was out of earshot, Elsa laughed, “She’s sassy, I like her.” </p><p>“She is, but if we’re going to get this thing organised we’re going to have to go about it carefully and not push too hard.  She’ll dig her heels in and refuse to have anything to do with it.  Do you think we can do it?  I know I can get Malcolm, I’ll just fly him up and back if need be.  Hopefully they’re visiting my other cousin because they’ll only be a couple of hours away instead of down here.  We can do the rest of it can’t we?” I asked. </p><p>“Of course we can,” she said.   </p><p>The intercom went and I buzzed Theresa in as Savannah came back. </p><p>“So, what’s happening?” Theresa asked. </p><p>“Elsa and I have decided that the end of next year is too far away so you’re getting married early next year before Tom and I go.  We were closing the shop for two weeks anyway so, if you can file your paperwork tomorrow, you’ll be able to get married just after Christmas.  I’ll organise for Savannah to have time to do it, you guys just need to organise everything you need.  The only thing is, you’ll probably have the wedding in the middle of the honeymoon.” </p><p>Theresa seemed to like the idea and asked us if we really thought it would be possible.  Elsa and I both smiled, “We’ll make it possible.” </p><p>“I’ll make sure I can get Malcolm, just in case he does have plans, but I'm sure I can talk him around,” I said as I dialed his number, “Hey, how’s my favourite cousin?” </p><p>There was laughter from the other end of the phone, “Ok, who am I marrying or christening this time?” he asked. </p><p>“Ah you know me so well.  What are you doing over the Christmas/New Year break, or even the first week of January?” </p><p>“Hang on while I check,” he said.  “We’re heading up to Judy’s just after Christmas.  What date are you looking at...and who is it for?” </p><p>“It’s for Savannah, the manager of our shop.  Her lovely partner Theresa proposed last night and we’d like to see them married before Tom and I have to head to the U.K. I don’t think the date really matters as long as it’s after the 27th  and that works perfectly because they’re getting married at The Bay.  Chris and Elsa have kindly offered to have it at their place.” </p><p>“Is it formal or informal?” he asked. </p><p>“Informal.  Very relaxed on the beach.” </p><p>“Well, how about we say the 27th and I’ll stop in on the way to Judy’s,” he suggested. </p><p>“You happy with the 27th?” I asked them. </p><p>“Will he do it?” Theresa asked in surprise.  “At that time of year?” </p><p>“He’s waiting for an answer here chicky, yes or no?” I laughed. </p><p>“Yes!” both girls said together. </p><p>“Heard that,” Malcolm laughed.  “I’ll have to get back to you this afternoon with a time though.  We’re still working out what time we’ll be leaving but if I get my way we should be passing through The Bay at about 2pm.  I tell you what, I'll say 2.30 that way it gives me a bit of breathing room and I can hopefully stop and freshen up.  Are they wanting me in a suit?” </p><p>“Do you want him in a suit?” I asked. </p><p>“I don’t care if he’s in boardies* and a rashie*,” Theresa said.  “If he’s willing to do it for us, I really don’t care what he wears as long as he wears something.” </p><p>“You get that?” I asked. </p><p>“Sure did,” he laughed. </p><p>“Thanks so much cuz, you’re a legend.  Talk soon.” </p><p>“My pleasure little cuz, talk soon.” </p><p>“2.30pm, December27th but you have to get that paperwork in tomorrow,” I said. </p><p>Elsa and I sat there smiling like a pair of idiots while Savannah and Theresa sat there looking a bit shellshocked.   </p><p>“Well, come on,” Elsa said.  “We’ve got some serious planning to do now.” </p><p> </p><p>*Boardies is an Australian slang term for boardshorts – shorts made from a quick drying material that are worn for swimming. </p><p>*Rashie is the slang term for a ‘Rash shirt’ or ‘Rash vest’ - think of it as a t-shirt or vest made for the water.  lightweight, fast drying and offering sun protection. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>12.4 THE PRESSURE'S ON</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa turned to me and asked, “is there anywhere Sav and I could go for a quick chat?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course.  You can use the loungeroom if you like.  Follow me,” I responded taking them through to the formal lounge.  “Take as long as you like.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving the girls to chat, I returned to the breakfast bar where Elsa was sitting with her phone in her hand.  Hearing me return, she looked up and said, “Will you be able to spare her tomorrow so she can get all the paperwork done?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If I have to shut the shop for an hour over lunch I will if that’s what it takes for those papers to be lodged.  This wedding is happening.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do they have any guests at all that they want to invite?” Elsa asked me.  “There must be some family, some friends they’d like there surely.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sav doesn’t have family, not too sure about Theresa,” I answered.  “I’ve never heard Savannah speak of friends, so I really don’t know.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing the girls chatting as the came back into the room, Elsa and I stopped talking and looked at them expectantly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath, Theresa looked at both of us, “We’d like to turn the whole thing over to you two if that’s ok with you.  We’re on a …"</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa let out a little squeal and I stood with a smile from one side of my face to the other.  “You won’t reg..”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa held her hand up, “we’re on a budget so keep that in mind when you’re planning.  We don’t want to spend </span>
  <span>anymore</span>
  <span> than $5 000.   And there are a couple of others things we want taken into consideration.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa gasped, “$5 000? For the whole thing?  But, my dress cost more than half that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Elsa!” I exclaimed.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she said. “But really? That’s it?”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah smiled, “Yes. That’s it.  Look I’d be happy to do the registry office and have done with it for less than $200.  But that’s not what Theresa wants.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You really spent that much on a dress to get married on the beach in Bali?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I did,” Elsa answered.  “But who are you to talk? You got married in a pub in the bush and spent how much on yours?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Point taken,” I said with a chuckle.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa nodded, “That’s ok.  We can work with that budget, can’t we?” she asked turning to me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I live in the real </span>
  <span>world,“</span>
  <span>  I said, “So yes, we can do it on that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa smirked, “I forgot about you and your insistence on being financially independent and not taking money from Tom.  Ok, we can definitely do it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What were the other considerations?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It has to be held in a place we can both be barefoot and we don’t want flowers,” Theresa said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No flowers at all or just no real flowers?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No real flowers.  I know you may find this ridiculous, but I don’t believe flowers should be picked just for the sake of having flowers.  They should be left to grow so everyone can appreciate their beauty,” Theresa said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s ridiculous at all. In fact, I’m inclined to agree with you.  Are you organising your own clothing or would you like us to take care of that as well?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling at each other, Savannah said, “We’re leaving it up to you because you both have impeccable taste.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Any preference on dress, skirt, top, suit?  White, beige, rainbow?  Are you going to give us anything to go on?” Elsa asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.  You can figure it all out,” Savannah said as Chris and Tom tried to sneak past.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you serious?” I asked.  “What if you hate what we pick out?  And you have to remember, we have to do all of this over the phone because we’re 8 hours away from each other.  And you two can freeze.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn,” I heard Tom say to Chris as he wrapped his arm around him. “Almost made it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing at Tom, Chris turned, “What’s up babe?” he asked Elsa.  “What are you up to?  Not giving these poor girls too much of a hard time, I hope?  Don’t let them take over,” he said to Theresa.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” I said turning to both Chris and Tom.  “They’ve just handed everything over to us.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by ‘everything’?” Chris asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa laughed and said, “Everything.  We’re leaving the planning up to them. All of it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why in the name of God would you do that?  Do you have any idea what you’re letting yourselves in for?” Tom questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We know exactly what we’re doing,” she answered.  “As they said, they’ve both </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span> quickie weddings.  If anyone can get this thing happening, it’s them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and Chris looked at each other, then Tom nodded, “They’ve got a point.”  Chris agreed, but then said, “Are you really sure you want to trust them with everything? Although in saying that she did a great job </span>
  <span>organising</span>
  <span> ours and it was very relaxed.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing Tom agreed, “That it was.  And ours was very informal and laid back.  Actually, I can see where you girls are going with this.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah smiled, “Not so silly after all, are we?  We figured with one beach wedding, one country wedding, both very relaxed and both organised very quickly, they know what they’re doing.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We are here you know?  We can hear everything you’re saying about us,” Elsa laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s actually a pretty good idea,” Chris said. “And yes, I know you can hear everything. So make sure you listen, especially to the ‘very relaxed’ bit.  Both of you,” he said looking from Elsa to me and back again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah and Theresa said their goodbyes, and headed home with Sav promising to be at the shop early in the morning to make sure everything was perfect.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa and Chris had to get going as their flight out was due to take off at 5 pm.  Elsa and I planned to talk tomorrow night after we’d made sure the paperwork for the girls wedding had been lodged.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dinner done, dogs fed, freshly showered and laying together on the couch, Tom asked me, “Are you excited?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“About?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Opening tomorrow.  What else would I be talking about?” he laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m nervous.  I know it’ll be fine, but I’m still nervous.  And I’m worried we won’t have time to get Savannah’s paperwork lodged, then there’s the wedding.  I want it to be perfect for them but I don’t know how we’re supposed to make it perfect when we don’t know what they want.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, they have faith in you, I have faith in you, how about you have some faith in you?” he told me.  “They wouldn’t have asked you to do it if they thought you’d give them something they didn’t want.  How will you go with their budget?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ignoring it,” I told him.  “We’ll stick to it as much as possible but I’m not seeing them go without. Any additional costs will be my wedding present to them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It shouldn’t cost much really,” Tom observed.  “Not when you think, Chris and Elsa have offered their place for it so there’s no cost involved.  They’re not having a reception as such so there won’t be much cost involved there. So what’s to buy, a couple of dresses or suits, rings and air fares.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite that simple.  We still need a cake and at that time of year, we’re going to be paying more for it.  I’m not having them get married without a reception of some sort, even if it’s just a </span>
  <span>Hemsworth</span>
  <span>/Hiddleston get together.  The dresses or suits can run into the thousands as can the rings.  Whilst it’s perfectly achievable, it’s still going to be tight.  And I have to try and reign Elsa in.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have every confidence in you,” he told me.  “But right now, I think we should get to bed.  You’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, what if no one comes?  What if nobody shows up for our opening? What if they hate it, hate the </span>
  <span>stock.</span>
  <span>  What if the whole thing’s a disaster?” I asked, getting a bit stressed out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop!” Tom demanded.  “It’s not going to be a disaster.  It might be a bit slow for the first few days until everyone knows you’re open again.  The fact that you chose not to advertise was probably a mistake, but that’s ok – word will get out that you’re open.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not advertising.  I’m not having it become a circus. I hope you’re right and word gets out,” I said, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and walked me up to our bedroom. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be a massive success and run off your feet,” he told me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Better not be,” I said.  “I’ll never hear the end of it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The end of what?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You nagging me, I’m not allowed to run remember?” I said laughing.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I keep telling you, you’re not as funny as you think you are,” he chuckled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you laughing?” I asked him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m laughing at you, laughing at yourself.  Now, give me a cuddle.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sliding over to him, I lay in his arms, “We can do this wedding can’t we?”  I asked Tom, suddenly feeling unsure. “Ours was a good one wasn’t it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was perfect,” he said.  “just like you, now hush and go sleep. I love you.”</span>
  
</p><p><span>“I love you too, goodnight my love.”</span> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <br/>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. 13.1 Meltdown, 13.2 A Helping Hand, 13.3 A Relaxed Evening, 13.4 A Surprise for Missy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>13.1 MELTDOWN</strong>
</p><ol>
<li>1  Meltdown</li>
</ol><p>Do you ever have those days where you know you’re moving but you feel like you’re getting nowhere?  Yeah, that’s how I felt this morning on my walk.  It honestly felt like I’d been walking forever, I felt so slow, yet when I was checking my watch, I was actually making really good time.  My brain was screaming for caffeine, or maybe it was my body screaming for caffeine and my brain just wanted to hide away from the world, retreat to the safety of home and not have to deal with the outside world. </p><p>‘Great day to let the crazies take hold’ I told myself.  It’s not like I’ve got a business to run, an employee who’s fast becoming a friend that needs to get paperwork filed and an overprotective husband to contend with.  And, if the aforementioned husband finds out I’m having one of ‘those’ days he’s going to make my life a living hell checking up on me every 5 minutes causing the crazies to take hold even more.  ‘Get it together,’ I told myself, ‘At least until he walks out the door.’  What the hell I’m going to do after that I don’t know, but I have to hold it together until he’s gone. </p><p>Getting home, I walked in the house figuring I’d have a couple of minutes before he got home.  Wrong.  He was in the kitchen making coffee.   </p><p>“Coffee’s just about done,” he said. </p><p>“Great,” I answered trying to skip through to the bedroom, “just going for a shower then I’ll grab one while you shower.” </p><p>Giving me a funny look, he said, “I’ve already showered,” then looked down.  It was only then I noticed he wasn’t wearing his running clothes and had in fact, showered and changed. </p><p>“Oh, I didn’t notice,” I said, smiling at him as I attempted to beat a hasty retreat, “Distracted I guess, thinking about the shop.  Won’t be long.”  I made it to the bedroom and almost to the bathroom before I needed to lean against the wall and take a couple of deep breaths.  I felt jittery, out of sorts, not ready to face the outside world but knew I had to, which was making everything feel worse.  What the hell was going on? I’d been taking my meds faithfully every day, I was doing so well.  Yes, there was a certain level of anxiety about the shop but I’d made allowances for that.  This was different.  I haven’t felt like this for a long time.     </p><p>I hadn’t heard Tom come in but I felt his arms grab me as I went down but because I wasn’t expecting it, I struck out at him, freaking out that someone was trying to hold me down: fight or flight, and I was fighting.  To me it felt like he was trying to pin me down and was sucking the life out of me. Arms and legs flailing, I repeatedly struck out at him. </p><p>“Hey, I’ve got you,” he said, voice calm, quiet, arms holding me against him as I broke down.  “It’s ok love, I’m here.  I’ve got you.”  </p><p>I retreated.  I could hear him, feel him, but I couldn’t talk, couldn’t move.   </p><p>“Hold on,” he said as he let me go.  “I swear I’ll be back in just a second.  Please, just hold on.” </p><p>Letting me go, he ran out of the room and, as promised, was back in no time with my phone in his hand.  Sitting back down with me, I heard him say he was calling someone but at that point I was too far gone to know what the hell was going on. </p><p>I could hear him talking, “Michelle it’s Tom Hiddleston, I apologise for the early hour and for interrupting you at home but I’ve got a bit of a situation going on here and could really use some help.”  He went on to describe what was going on, then listened before thanking her and hanging up.  </p><p>Looking at me he told me to hang on again and left the room returning a couple of minutes later with a glass of water and medication.  Helping me take the pill, he sat with me for a while until I started to relax.  As soon as I could move, I flung myself at him and hung on, sobbing against his shoulder. </p><p>“Shhh, it’s ok love.  I’ve got you.  You’re ok, I’m here,” he said as he held me tight against him.  We were probably only there for about 10 minutes all up I’d say, but it felt like a lifetime.  I was just starting to feel like I could move when the pins and needles started and hell did it hurt.  Tom rubbed my legs and feet for me while I did my hands and arms.   </p><p>It was at this stage I noticed he was bleeding.  “You’re bleeding,” I said as I looked at him. </p><p>Touching his nose, he smiled, “You’ve got a pretty good right hook my love.” </p><p>“Oh God, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t realise I’d hit you.  I just felt like you were trying to squeeze the life out of me,” and with that I burst into tears again. </p><p>“Hey,” he said, “Come on, it’s ok.  I’ll survive.  It’s only a bit of blood.” </p><p>“What the hell’s wrong with me?” I asked him.  “I’ve been taking my meds, I’ve been doing everything I should.  I’ve been looking after myself.  I don’t understand what went wrong.” </p><p>Cupping my face in his hands, he leaned forward and kissed me gently, then sat back a little.  “Michelle thinks you’ve had a panic attack, I’d have to say I agree, but she also said there’s a certain matter that you haven’t dealt with properly and she thinks that could be part of the problem.  That and nerves about the shop.  I think we need to take a trip to the cemetery so you can have complete closure on your past.  Obviously not today but in the next couple of days.  You feeling ok now?”  </p><p>Nodding, I gave him a hug then stood up, “Yeah, I think I'm ok.  I’m sorry.” </p><p>“Darling, there’s nothing to be sorry for.  We’ll get through it, we always do.  You ok to be left alone now?” he asked. </p><p>“Yeah.  Yeah, I feel ok.  I’m going to shower, then grab coffee then I’ll have to get going.  Savannah’s going to be early and I don’t want to leave her to have to do...” </p><p>“She’s fine,” he said cutting me off.  “She can do it, has done it.  Darling, she ran that place for quite a while on her own remember?  She’ll be fine.” </p><p>“I know she did, but it’s my baby and I want to be there,” I told him.  “And yes, I think I do need closure.  I’ll talk to Michelle a bit later when I get some time.” </p><p>… </p><p>Arriving at the shop, I let myself in and called out knowing Savannah would already be here. </p><p>“Hey, it’s only me.” </p><p>“I’m up here,” she replied as she came to the top of the stairs.  “You ok?  Tom messaged me and told me what happened and before you get pissed, he did it so I had a heads up about you possibly needing time to call Michelle.” </p><p>“I’m not pissed.  I’m glad he told you actually, saves me having to try and piece it altogether.  It’ll come back to me in a few hours but I’m still feeling a bit fuzzy.” </p><p>“You going to be ok for opening?” she asked.  “I can probably handle it if you need to take off.” </p><p>“I’m fine now.  Michelle told Tom to double up on my medication so, other than feeling a bit stoned, I’m doing ok,” I laughed.  “I’m looking forward to it actually.  That’s why I was so surprised by that panic attack, if that’s what it was, this morning.  Anyway, I seem ok now.” </p><p>We did a run through the shop, making sure everything was up to Savannah’s perfectionist standards.  Well, we were both perfectionists really.   </p><p>Checking the time, having one last look around we turned to each other with big smiles and hugged, “Taken longer than I’d hoped but I think it’s well worth it,” I said to her.  “I love it.  Can’t believe we’re about to do this. Oh, while I think of it, did you bring all your paperwork to lodge?” </p><p>“Yes mum, I’ve got it all here,” she said with a smirk. </p><p>“Don’t sass me,” I laughed, “Or I’ll set Elsa onto you.” </p><p>Savannah held her hands up in surrender, “No, not that,” she chuckled. </p><p>“Right, well behave yourself or that’s what you get,” I giggled. </p><p>“Seriously though,” Savannah said, “She seems lovely.  So warm and friendly.  Both her and Chris, such nice people.  Not what I expected.” </p><p>“What were you expecting?” I asked. </p><p>“I don’t know.  When I saw who your ‘friends’ were, I wasn’t sure what to think.  I guess I thought they’d be more... I wasn’t expecting them to be so down to earth.”  </p><p>“Please don’t tell me you think I'd be friends with people who are up themselves,” I said to her.  “God Sav, I’m a personal trainer who happened to fall for an actor.  That celebrity crap is not my world and I don’t let anyone around me forget that they’re no better than anyone else. But I’m glad you liked them and, as you’ve probably figured, they liked you guys as well.” </p><p>“I figured that when they offered to let us have the wedding there.  We were kind of blown away by the offer.” </p><p>“Just a word of warning though, the Hemsworths don’t do things as a singular when at home.  Be prepared for the clan to be around for your wedding.  You’ll love them all, they’re truly lovely people.  But, just be ready for it.” </p><p>“Speaking of ready, it’s time to open,” she smiled. </p><p>Unlocking the door, we had a 5-minute wait before our first customer made an appearance and then it was a steady stream of faces for the next couple of hours.  We weren’t rushed off our feet but it was constant and, as I was still learning how to do the register, Sav did double duty behind the register as well as assisting, always with a smile on her face.  I was seriously so lucky to have her.   We had some really positive feedback about our upstairs section and praise for how tastefully it had been done.  Overall, it seemed everyone liked what they’d seen.  I was beginning to wish we could have a bit of a lull in trade as I was really conscious of the fact that Sav needed to get out and get those bloody papers lodged. </p><p>Finally just before midday, the shop was empty.  “Quick, go lodge your papers,” I said to Savannah.  “It shouldn’t take too long and I can hold the fort til you get back.” </p><p>She grabbed everything she needed and said she’d grab lunch for both of us while she was out in case it got busy again this afternoon.   </p><p>Five minutes after she’d left, another couple of people came in and started looking around.  “Hi, let me know if you need any help,” I called out to them.  I’m the sort of person who likes to be greeted then left to look around rather than be ‘attacked’ by the sales person, so that’s my approach and it seemed to be working.  All was going well and then people just kept coming in again.  In hindsight it was a stupid time to let Sav go, all the local businesses were breaking for lunch and they all descended on the shop to have a look around. </p><p>Feeling completely overwhelmed, I was struggling with the stupid register while a lady was patiently waiting for help to get some of the bras off a higher shelf, as she was in a wheelchair.   </p><p>Muttering under my breath about stupid registers and being as thick as a brick, I was almost at meltdown stage when a voice said, “Do you need some help?  You look completely lost.” </p><p>“Do you know anything about these things?” I asked, pointing to the register. </p><p>“Enough to figure it out,” she said.   </p><p>“Then yes, I need help,” I replied. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>13.2 A HELPING HAND</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Tom would tell me I was probably a little too trusting, and I had no doubt I was about to get an absolute dressing down from Savannah, but I willingly handed that register over and went to help people doing their shopping while my savior took care of the register with a smile and kind word for everyone she helped. </p><p>15 minutes later, order was once again restored and I felt like I could breathe.  Looking at the Angel in disguise who was manning the register I said, “I truly don’t know how to thank you.  I was about to seriously lose it then. I don’t even know your name.  I’m so sorry and so grateful and appreciative.” </p><p>Savannah came through the door, questioning look on her face when she saw a stranger behind the counter.  Explaining the situation to her, she relaxed a bit.  Turning to my Angel in disguise she introduced herself. </p><p>“I’m Savannah,” she said, a slight coolness in her voice, “thank you so much for your help.” </p><p>“Skye,” my Angel in disguise answered. “And I was happy to help.” Then turning to me she said, “Are you new to sales?  The registers can be a bit tricky until you get the hang of them, especially the EFTPOS side of things.” </p><p>Savannah laughed, “Missy owns the shop.” </p><p>“Oh God, sorry,” Skye said.  “I didn’t mean any offence.” </p><p>“None taken. And yes, very new to sales as you can tell.  Would you excuse us for just one second?” I asked. </p><p>Dragging Savannah aside, I said, “I think she’s got potential, what do you think. We need someone to take over for me, not that I’m of any use at the moment.  It’s your job to hire and fire so I’ll leave it up to you but she feels right.  Don’t look at me like that, you know what I mean.” </p><p>Laughing Savannah agreed that she did ‘feel’ right.  “Let me find out whether she’s after work or not first.” </p><p>Returning to the counter, Savannah asked, “I don’t suppose you’re looking for work by any chance?” </p><p>“Sort of,” Skye answered. </p><p>“We’d like you to consider working here,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Are you serious?” Skye asked.  “You’re giving me a job?” </p><p>“If you’re interested in one, then yes,” Savannah said. “It’s going to be limited hours to start with, and with a very strict non-disclosure agreement, so if that doesn’t suit, we fully understand.  But if the limited hours suit you, then yes, we’d love to offer you the job.” </p><p>“I have to be honest; it will depend on what the hours are.  I’ve enrolled to go to university next year and I’m only looked at doing short hours at the moment, confidentiality goes without saying,” Skye answered.  “I deferred uni for this year, just felt like I needed to have a break from study and live life a little.  I’ve had a couple of part time jobs through school, hence knowing how to use the register,” she laughed, “but I’m currently between jobs.” </p><p>“Would you be looking at making a long-term commitment to working here?” Savannah asked. </p><p>“I’d be happy to work while I’m at uni,” she said.  “But after that, I’ll be looking at pursuing my chosen field.” </p><p>“Do you mind if I ask what field that is,” I questioned. </p><p>“I’m studying law,” she answered. </p><p>Savannah looked at me and smiled as I looked to her.  Both of us recognising how everything just seemed to be falling into place.  Obviously, we have to be a little discerning in who we hire given I don’t want my personal life splashed across social media and, let’s face it, the potential is there for it to happen.  A law student however, would understand all about confidentiality.  This was looking better and better. </p><p>I took a back seat and let Savannah continue with her questions; basically, she was interviewing the girl and seemed pretty happy.   </p><p>“So, at the moment we’re only opening Monday through Friday and staying open late Thursday nights.  We want to start opening on Saturdays, with the potential of Sundays depending on how things go and whether there’s a demand or not.  I’d really like you for 5 hours on Thursday’s from 4pm to 9 pm and Saturdays 9am - 4pm, with possible Sundays later, which would be 10am to 4 pm.  I’d get you in for a few hours, probably 11 – 2 on Tuesday and Wednesdays for training as I like things done a certain way and I’m quite anal about it.   The Saturdays wouldn’t start until you’d been trained up properly, hopefully in the new year.  Missy will be here on and off until they leave for the UK early next year.  I need you fully trained before she goes.  Does it sound like something that would suit you?”  Savannah asked. </p><p>“I can do that until Uni goes back but after that it’s going to depend on what days I have classes.  Hopefully we can work around it because I’d really like to take the job,” Skye said.  “I’ve been keeping an eye on this place during the renovations and said to my mum that I’d really like a job here, then I walked in and saw Mrs Hiddleston...” </p><p>“It’s Missy,” I said.  “Mrs Hiddleston is my mother-in-law.” </p><p>“OK, I saw...Missy...looking completely lost on the register and figured I’d offer a hand.  Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this.” </p><p>“Neither did I to be honest,” I said.  “I’m generally very cautious around people I’ve only just met, but I get a vibe from you and I tend to trust my vibes.  You came along just at...” my phone started to ring and glancing down I saw it was Tom.  “Excuse me for just a minute, I need to take this.” </p><p>Turning away, I answered, “Hi babe, how’s it going?” </p><p>“I’m good, but I’ve been thinking of you all morning.  I couldn’t get away until now.  How are you?  You doing ok now?  How’s it been at the shop?” Tom asked, concern in his voice. </p><p>“I’m fine, I’m doing ok and it’s been constant most of the day.  Sav got the paperwork in so we can start to plan the wedding and we’ve just hired, well I think we’ve hired, help for Savannah but I’ll fill you in on that later.  I’m going to try and call Michelle soon and have a chat,” I told him. </p><p>“As long as you’re fine my darling.  I’m glad the shop seems to be doing well.  Listen, I have to get going.  Can’t wait to see you tonight to hear all about it. Please call Michelle.  I’ll see you a bit later.   I love you.” </p><p>“I love you too and I’ll call her now,” I said. </p><p>Hanging up, I walked back to Savannah and Skye, “Can you do without me for a little bit?” I asked Sav, “I need to make a call.” </p><p>Savannah realised who I needed to call and nodded then pointed upstairs.  “Head up there and shut yourself in the staff area.  Take your time.” </p><p>“Thanks,” I replied, then turned to Skye, “Sort the details out with Savannah.  It was lovely to meet you.”  And with that I went upstairs to talk to Michelle. </p><p>20 minutes later, I wandered back downstairs to find Savannah helping a customer, while Skye was behind the register serving another.  I heard Savannah excuse herself then she came over to me.  “I hope you don’t mind, I’ve hired Skye and she’s just helping out while you sorted what needed sorted.”   </p><p>I laughed, “I’m of absolutely no help to you whatsoever, I've proven that.  You’re the manager Sav, you do as you see fit.  If you trust her, that’s good enough for me.”   </p><p>“I can’t say I trust her yet, but I think she’s going to be fine; I’m getting a good vibe from her.  Like you, it usually takes me a while to warm to a person, I don’t know why you were different, but you were.  Anyway, she seems ok. I’ll just finish with this lady,” she said as she returned to the customer she’d been with.  </p><p>I’d had a chat with Michelle about this morning's attack of the crazies and she seems to think that it’s a combination of pushing myself too hard, needing closure on the past and anxiety about the shop doing well.  I’m inclined to agree with the closure part.  I think I really need to see the grave so I can put it to rest completely, know that he’s really gone.  Maybe later in the week, unfortunately the timing is just all wrong for me to lose my mind.  Too much to do.   The afternoon wore on and we maintained a steady stream of customers.  I know a lot of it was curiosity but still, I was pretty happy with the way it went.  I figure it will probably be like this for the next couple of days then start to taper off to a more normal level of activity. </p><p>Skye filled out all the necessary paperwork for taxes, bank details, next of kin, non-disclosure and everything else Savannah gave her and said she’d be back tomorrow to do the three hours her and Savannah had agreed on. </p><p>After she’d gone Savannah turned to me, “It’s ok isn’t it? Having Skye in tomorrow?” </p><p>Sighing, I took hold of Savannah’s hands and made her look at me, “For about the one thousandth time, you’re the manager.  You know what you need, you know what you’re doing.  As long as you’re making it work and I’m making money out of it, I’m happy.  This is my only source of income, so I do need it to make a profit.  I know I’m blessed that I’m in the situation I’m in, but by the same token, I don’t accept money from Tom.  I support myself.  If you need her here then have her here.  I’m not interfering in how you do things Sav.  I’ve told you, I have absolutely no idea what to do, as I proved today, but you do. That’s why we have you.  Yes, I want to learn, and I will.  But it’s still yours to run.  Hell, I’m only here for another couple of months then I’ll be dragged kicking and screaming onto the plane to head to the Mother Country for God knows how long...and don’t you dare tell Tom I said that,” I told her as we both dissolved into fits of the giggles at the thought of me being dragged onto the plane.  “I trust you.  Come on, let’s go home.” </p><p>Locking up the shop, we congratulated each other on getting through the day and made plans to meet at 8 a.m to restock what we needed to and have a coffee together before opening.   For now, I just want to go home and see my husband. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>13.3 A RELAXED EVENING</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>After Tom and I had dinner we caught each other up on the day. </p><p>“How was your day babe?” I asked. </p><p>“It was good.  As usually happens at this stage of working on anything, you know you’re going to be saying goodbye to everyone before too long and it makes you feel a bit sad.   It’s a weird feeling.  You become like family working so close to each other day in, day out then suddenly they’re not there.” </p><p>“Are you ok about it?” I asked. </p><p>“I will be,” he replied.  “I’ve got a lot to look forward to so I’ll be fine.  How about you?  How did it go at the shop and who did you hire?” </p><p>“It was busier than I expected it to be.  I was starting to get worried that I wouldn’t be able to give Sav time to get their marriage application lodged but just before midday there was a lull so I sent her then.  Stupid of me to do it then.  I feel like every business in the area broke for lunch at the same time and they descended on Marvelously Mischievous at once.  It was crazy.  I was on my own, no idea what the hell I’m doing really and I couldn’t work the damn register out.  I was just getting to panic level when this Angel turned up, asked if I needed help then proceeded to man the register for the next 15 minutes.  And before you yell at me yes, I know it was probably stupid of me but it was either that or meltdown central.  Sav came back and wondered what the hell was going on then, next minute we’d offered her a job and she accepted.  But all in all, the day went really well and we had nothing but positive feedback, especially on the adult section.” </p><p>“I’m glad you didn’t meltdown but you really do need to be less trusting of people darling...” </p><p>At this point I shot him a look that shut him up immediately and had him pursuing a slightly different line. </p><p>“...but I’m thrilled it all worked out well in the end.  So, tell me about this Angel that you’ve hired.  Does she have a name?” he asked. </p><p>“Her name’s Skye and she’s going to uni next year after deferring this year.  I figure she was 17 or 18 when she finished school last year so that put’s her at 18 or 19 now.  She’s studying law and doesn’t want too many hours work so she can devote time to her studies.  She’s happy to stay on while she’s at uni but was honest and said she’ll be pursuing work in her chosen field when the time comes.  I don’t think she’ll stay for longer than a year to be honest. I think she’ll end up looking for work in a law firm somewhere but it will help Sav out until we get back from overseas and I can learn properly. We still want to find someone that we can have on call for if Sav is sick and Skye can’t work but we’ll figure it all out later.” </p><p>“I’d like to learn the business as well so if we get time once I’m finished filming, I might come in for a few days and see how it all goes.  If you and Savannah have no objections of course,” Tom said. </p><p>“I don’t mind, you know I love being with you.  Run it by Sav.  As I keep telling her, it’s hers to run.  I just need her to make money.” </p><p>“You know it’s not a major problem if it takes a while to start paying for itself right?” he asked. </p><p>Sighing, I looked up at him, “Can we not get into discussions about money tonight?  You know how I feel, I know how you feel.  It’s the one thing we’re never going to see eye to eye on, so let’s just leave it.  I need to call Elsa for wedding talk.” </p><p> I excused myself while I called her and let her know that the paperwork had been filed and we were clear to start making plans.  She was going to organise the cake and sort out some artificial flowers as well as a ‘small’ get together to celebrate the girls wedding. </p><p>“Don’t go overboard,” I told her.  “Seriously.  They just want it simple.” </p><p>“Missy, I can do simple. You know ours was simple.  Yours was simple.  I know simple.  I promise it’s just going to be our family.  You know they’re always here anyway and I figure the girls will be here for a few days before they get married and will be used to everyone by then anyway,” she said.  </p><p>“You have a point,” I agreed, “But nothing fancy ok?” </p><p>“Simple,” Elsa said. “Like ours was, like yours was.  So, you’ll organise rings, dresses, headpieces yes?”  </p><p>“I’m not sure on the headpieces.  I think a simple garland of artificial flowers to be honest.  I’ll work that out as I go.  I have to check with Sav as to whether they’re getting Malcolm to to the traditional vows or whether they’re doing their own.  Ok so, we’ve got a starting point at least.  And for God’s sake, remember the budget.” </p><p>“Oh, bugger the budget,” Elsa said. “They deserve to have it done properly.” </p><p>“Elsa,” I warned.  “Budget.” </p><p>“Oh fine,” she said.  “How much will you need for the dresses and rings?” </p><p>“No idea.  You do what you need to and let me know how much you spend.  We’ll figure it out somehow.  Tom and I were talking about it last night and to be honest, it should be fairly easy to stick to their budget.” </p><p>“Well, Chris and I are doing the reception because, other than the girls and you and Tom, it’s our family that’s going to make up the party,” she laughed. </p><p>“We’ll work it out. I’ll call you later in the week and see how things are going ok?” I asked. </p><p>“Of course.  Before you go, how did it go today?  Was it busy?  Did everyone love it?” </p><p>“Oh Elsa, my God.  My feet.  It was crazy at one point.  Everyone loved it and for the most part it was constant but when Sav went to file the papers it got insane.  This lovely girl appeared from nowhere and helped out until Savannah got back.  She was hired pretty much on the spot.  I’m sure you’ll meet her eventually. Ok, Tom’s giving me the wind up here so I’ll say bye for now and I’ll talk to you later in the week.” </p><p>“Sorry love, but she’ll talk to you all night and I want to spend at least a little bit more time with you.  Oh, by the way, I have to be out early in the morning,” he said. </p><p>“Damn.  I’m supposed to be helping Savannah in the morning and I’ve just realised I’m supposed to be at the studio.  Where the hell is my head at the moment?  I can’t seem to get it together.” </p><p>“Don’t stress about the studio.  Everyone’s having a short day tomorrow.  I’ll be popping in to the shop to see you.” </p><p>“Why a short day?  I thought you’d be flat out trying to get everything finished.  You’re not far from done.” </p><p>“There’s not really a lot left to do. Anyway, come give me a cuddle. I’m going to head to bed soon but tell me, how did it go with Michelle?” </p><p>“Well, you pretty much know what she said this morning. We just talked a bit more about that.  She told me I might feel a bit fuzzy in the head for a bit because of the medication but all in all she seemed happy with how I seem to be doing.  It was just one of those things.  I feel fine now but I will be going to the cemetery later in the week, and don’t forget I’ve got my venesection appointment too but I can drive myself for that one, you don’t need to be there.”   </p><p>“I’ll see what’s going on at the time, I might be able to come with you,” he told me. </p><p>“I can take myself.  Anyway, with you guys wrapping up, I figure you’ll be pretty busy over the next couple of weeks.  Do you have any late nights or early mornings to do, other than tomorrow morning?” </p><p>“There could be a couple of later nights but we’ll see how it goes.  Anyway, come on.  Let’s go to bed.” </p><p> </p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>13.4 A SURPRISE FOR MISSY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tom was supposed to be writing this one but he begged off saying something about needing to be out of the house early and he’d pop in soon but had something to do.  Guess you’re stuck with me again for the time being.  No idea what he’s up to but he didn’t even go for a run this morning.  He came into the bedroom with coffee for both of us, sat on the bed next to me, didn’t say very much, drank his coffee then said he had to go and he’d come see me at the shop later.  I’m still a bit puzzled as to why they’re having a short day today anyway.  I know I was meant to be there this morning and no one told me not to be, thankfully I don’t have to be because we need to do some restocking at the shop.  I can actually do that, feels like it’s about the only thing I</span>
  <em>
    <span> can</span>
  </em>
  <span> do.  I feel so out of my depth and poor Savannah hasn’t had the chance to really teach me anything.  </span>
  <span>Nevermind</span>
  <span>, I’m sure we’ll get there.  Between Sav and Skye, I’m sure they’ll get me there – eventually.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I’m feeling much better today, I think I got a bit overwhelmed yesterday with just wanting everything to go well.  Still, I need closure.  I debated not going for a walk but it’s too easy to fall into bad habits so, I got myself dressed and off I went.  It seemed to go really fast and I was back home before I knew it, showered and dressed.  Deciding to have another coffee, I took it and sat down in front of the laptop and started searching for wedding dresses for the girls.  I want them different but not so different that they don’t go together.  I couldn’t believe my luck.  There, right in front of me was the perfect dress for Savannah.  Exactly what I was looking for, and even better given their budget, it was 70% off.  Oh damn.  Only 2 left.  Checking the size, I discovered it was right. Thank you wedding Angels for looking over me.  Credit card at the ready, dress purchased and one thing I can tick off my list.  Well, I don’t know about you guys, but my day just got off to a fantastic start.  Now I just need to find something similar for Theresa...and there it is.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ok, so what’s going on?  This is far too easy.  I had more trouble buying my own clothes.  I honestly expected to really struggle in finding what I wanted for them, what I thought would suit them.  I hope Elsa isn’t </span>
  <span>too</span>
  <span> upset that I’ve done it without consulting her.  </span>
  <span>Surely</span>
  <span> she’ll understand.  Best check sizing for Theresa’s.  Giving a little happy squeal, I had two wedding dresses purchased for under $500 and it was 7.15am.  Might just send her a text to let her know.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>‘Don’t be upset, just found the perfect wedding dresses for the girls and purchased them.’</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Within 20 seconds I had a message back that simply read, ‘Show.’</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking screenshots of both dresses, I forwarded them to her and waited.  It took a little longer to get the reply message.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>‘You’re forgiven. They’re perfect.  Can’t believe your luck on pricing either.  Well done.’</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>‘Thank you, so glad I found them.  Off to the shop.  Talk later.’</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at Paddy and Bobby, I said to them, “I wish I could take you with me.  I hate that I have to leave you here all the time.  Maybe we’ll see if we can make a doggy play area.”  Even as I said it, I knew what Tom’s response to that would be...not happening.  “Ok boys, I have to go.  I’ll see you tonight.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They had more toys than most children </span>
  <span>and had</span>
  <span> their little treats hidden around the place so I knew they were fine, I just hated leaving them...and they knew it because they always follow me to the door and give me the sad puppy dog eyes, a trick their master had learnt very well too.  There’s nothing quite like saying no to something and turning around and finding Bobby and Paddy staring at you with sad puppy dog eyes then turning back to find Tom doing it too.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arriving at the shop at the same time as Savannah, we went straight upstairs and restocked, then put coffee on before heading downstairs and putting a few more bits and pieces out.  The camisoles, corsets and lacy thongs had been hugely popular and I could have hugged Savannah for over ordering because it meant we still had plenty of stock.  Checking the time, we still had 20 minutes before we were opening so went back upstairs and sat for a while. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’ve handed everything over to Elsa and I for your wedding but do you want us to keep you updated as things happen or, how do you want to do it?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure,” Savannah replied.  “Didn’t really think about it to be honest.  We just decided that we’d have a better chance of it all happening if we left it up to you two to </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> given you’ve both done it all before.  And this way if anything goes </span>
  <span>wrong</span>
  <span> we can blame you and not ourselves,” she laughed.  “I’ll text Tess and see what she wants to do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While she sent the text to Theresa, I tidied up our cups, went to the loo, checked my hair and makeup then rejoined her.  “Tess wants everything to be a surprise</span>
  <span>,”  Savannah</span>
  <span> said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, that’s not a problem.” I </span>
  <span>said</span>
  <span>.  “One thing though, anything you want from here, underwear, bra’s whatever, you pick. I’m not picking that for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds fair,” Savannah said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and are you writing you own vows or are you going with the traditional ones?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we’ll more than likely write something,” she answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, we ready?” I asked as we headed downstairs.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s do it,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We still had a couple of minutes to go when my phone beeped.  Checking it, I saw it was a message from Tom.  ‘Hey you, running a little behind schedule.  Unavoidable delay but I’ll be there as soon as I can.’</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sending a message back, ‘Didn’t know we’d made a time for you to be here.  Figured you’d show when you were finished for the day, still really early.  Take your time, not going anywhere.’</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging at the message, I put my phone away and went to unlock the door.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was a slightly slower start than yesterday but we still had the same constant flow of people coming in and looking around.  Nearly everyone that came in made a purchase and I got to know the browsers from the buyers fairly quickly.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Skye came in just on 11 am and, after Savannah made a show of looking at her watch, got her to run through the emergency evacuation policy as well as read through a job description while we assisted a few customers.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At one point, there was no one in the shop and Sav and I were just standing at the counter watching Skye run through the returns process, when I asked Sav what trade was like before.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it busy, not busy?  You’d think I’d have the brains to find all this out </span>
  <span>before</span>
  <span> wouldn’t you?  All I know is what the accountant told us and that it was a worthwhile venture.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You had your busy days and your slower days.  Tuesdays were always slow for some reason.  Most days it was fairly constant.  I was rarely rushed off my feet but it was busy enough.  It’ll slow down a little once people have had their look through.  You’ll soon learn to tell those who are just browsing from those who buy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I had a chuckle, “I’ve already started to be able to tell.  They’re pretty obvious, as are the ones that aren’t satisfied with anything.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thankfully we never used to get too many of them.  I think some of the browsers are just here out of curiosity,” Sav said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not much to be curious about, it’s lingerie,” I replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean about you,” she chuckled. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Me? Why the hell would anyone be curious about me?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, you’re so thick sometimes,” she responded.  “They’re curious about you because of who you are, who you married, and the fact that you guys are so private about everything, people see it as a way to get a glimpse into a part of your life.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re really not that interesting, quite boring actually,” I laughed as I headed to the racks and started straightening the hangers up and bringing things forward, spacing other things out and generally just trying to make it look more appealing. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“When the shop closed and it was obvious there were renovations going on, I’d heard the Hiddleston name associated with the shop but I wasn’t sure if I believed all the stories.  Like, why would a famous actor open a lingerie shop?” Skye said. “Yet, here we are.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom didn’t open the shop,” Savannah corrected.  “It’s Missy’s shop.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s what I meant,” Skye said.  “Like, I wasn’t expecting Tom to be working here but maybe others would.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“As Savannah said, it’s not Tom’s shop.  It’s mine,” I said.  “He’ll pop in from time to time, but regardless of that, it’s my shop and he won’t be working here.  What happens here has absolutely nothing to do with him.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But he will be here right?” she asked.  “Like, not all the time I know that, but sometimes.  Can you imagine that, walking in and finding Tom Hiddleston here.” </span>
  
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  <span>Savannah and I looked at each other, then Sav rolled her eyes while I just shook my head.</span>
  
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  <span>“Skye,” Savannah said.  “It’s not Tom’s shop.  He has no association with it whatsoever.  It’s Missy’s shop ok.  If you’re only here because you think you’re going to get to meet Tom you’re going to be sorely disappointed.  Now, how about you go upstairs and finish reading your job description, expectations and read up a bit on the products we stock.”</span>
  
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  <span>Word had got out about who the new owners were, as we suspected it would.  Let’s face it, you can’t have that many people doing work for you and not expect someone to say something.  Not that it was a state secret or anything, we knew eventually people would know, I just didn’t think anyone would be that curious.  Maybe I am thick, as Savannah so eloquently put it.</span>
  
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  <span>“Have I made a mistake in recommending you hire her?” I asked Savannah.</span>
  
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  <span>“Not sure,” Sav answered.</span>
  
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  <span>I had my back to the door when I heard it open but knew she was at the counter so didn’t bother turning around until a voice said, “I do so hope you’re going to give me a grand tour Dil, including the naughty bits upstairs.”</span>
  
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  <span>As soon as I heard the voice, the smile spread across my face and I spun around as I was enveloped in a huge hug, “Diana!” I squealed.  “How wonderful to see you, but what are you doing here?  I wasn’t expecting you until next week.  And you’re both in trouble,” I said to her as I pushed back and looked from her to Tom, “You know I hate surprises, although as far as they go, this one is a very pleasant one.”</span>
  
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. 14.1 Tom Meets Skye, 14.2 Tom Deals With Skye, 14.3 Parental Absence Explained, 14.4 Feeling Good</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>14.1 TOM MEETS SKYE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Let’s just back track a little, it’s been a while since I’ve spoken to you.  We had a great weekend with Chris and Elsa visiting unexpectedly then having the barbecue with Sticks, Sparky, Savannah and Theresa.  Everyone seemed to get on really well, although I really have to question Savannah and Theresa’s reasoning in handing their wedding over to the girls.  Don’t get me wrong, I have every confidence in them getting it done – I'm just not entirely sure they’re going to get what they want.  None of my business of course, and I’m so glad neither Chris nor myself were dragged into the plans.  </p><p>The pool table is a very welcome addition. We had an absolute blast on it.  I’ll have to watch myself because once she gets her eye in, she’ll be a force to be reckoned with.  The woman knows her way around a pool table.  She surprised the hell out of me with it, I had absolutely no idea, not even an inkling.  For someone that hates surprises for herself, she’s very good at springing them on other people.  Speaking of surprises, she’s not going to be happy about the one I’m about to give her.  Although she’ll love what, or rather who, it is, she’s still going to be pissed that it was kept a secret but hopefully Mum can smooth the way.   </p><p>I’m glad the shop is doing well, she was a lot more nervous than she let on and that panic attack – well, let’s just say my nose is still quite tender.  Unfortunately, it’s the chance I have to take; some attacks she’s not violent others she is.  I think it really depends on the frame of mind she’s in as it takes her.  I had a feeling something wasn’t quite right, and as she didn’t know I’d followed her and was caught up in it by the time I got to her, she wasn’t expecting anyone to be there and naturally enough, was fighting for her life in her mind.  With Mum as back up, I’m taking her to the cemetery this afternoon.  I did offer for Mum to go home, but she said she’d rather kick on for as long as she can and hopefully avoid the worst of the jet lag.  She said she’s been trying to slowly change her routine at home to be more in keeping with here so she’s hopeful it won’t be too bad. </p><p>Arriving at the shop, I held my finger up to Savannah when we walked in.  Savannah gave a nod and smile as she waited for the reaction.   </p><p>“I do so hope you’re going to give me a grand tour Dil, even the naughty bits upstairs.” </p><p>Mum hadn’t even got to the grand tour part before I noticed the change in body language and she was turning around, smile from ear to ear, then I heard the excited squeal and couldn’t help but laugh.  It’s always been such a relief to me that these two hit it off the way they did. I’d hate to be in a position where I was forced to be on guard with them all the time.  I know I’d never have to choose; both of them love me far too much to ever make it that difficult.  I consider myself a very lucky man. </p><p>We indicated that we were heading upstairs as Savannah was serving a customer.   Mum was asking questions about how it was all going, and I stood back smiling as the two most important women in my life started joking about adult toys. </p><p>“I’m sure you’ll understand if I don’t particularly want to hear stories about my mother and...toys,” I said to them.  “I’ll just be in the kitchen grabbing a coffee.” </p><p>“Oh babe, Skye’s in there going over some of the paperwork so make sure you introduce yourself.” </p><p>“Will do.  Did you want a coffee love?” I asked.  “Mum?” </p><p>“You having one Dil?” Mum asked. </p><p>“I will please.” </p><p>“I’ll have one too son, might keep me awake,” Mum said. </p><p>I left them chatting about the set up of the shop and the discreet displays.  Mum commented on how good it looked and they were both giggling like school kids when I closed the door. </p><p>Going over to the coffee machine, I introduced myself to the brunette sitting on the couch with papers beside her. </p><p>“Hi, you must be Skye.  I’m Tom,” I said, holding my hand out. </p><p>“Hi, yes I’m Skye.  I’m assuming you’ve been told about me,” she said jumping up off the couch shaking my hand, then continuing to hold it for what I felt was just a little bit too long.  </p><p>Withdrawing my hand and taking a step back, I said, “Yes, I have.  My wife told me about you.  Thank you for helping out yesterday, it was good of you.  Not many people would have done what you did.”  I couldn’t help but think she seemed familiar in some way or other.  I didn’t know her, of that I was sure, but I felt like I knew <em> of </em> her.  Her name.  The look of her.  It’ll come to me. </p><p>Skye took a step forward, “Oh, you’re very welcome.  I was really curious about what this place would be like, you know, with you being the owner and being famous and everything?   Then when I came in, I saw people all over the place and the woman on the register seeming pretty clueless. I thought maybe if I helped out, I might get offered a job somewhere down the track, not thinking it would happen right away.  Would you like me to help you with that?” she asked, leaning in to me as she went to pick up the coffee cup. </p><p>“Er, no, I’ve got it,” I said taking a step back. </p><p>“Are you sure, I’m happy to help,” she said still leaning into me. </p><p> “I’m just going to...”I nodded at the door and held the coffee up as I started walking.  This girl is making me feel really uncomfortable.   Opening the door, I went over to mum and handed her the coffee, then said, “Mum, why don’t you come see the kitchen and staff area while I get the other coffee? Darling, you coming?”   </p><p>Skye looked up and gave a dark look as the three of us went in, me with my arm around my clueless wife.  We showed mum around, introduced her to Skye who shook her hand and said all the right things then excused herself, “If you’ll excuse me, it’s about time I got going.  I’m only here for three hours,” she said to me, completely ignoring the two women.   </p><p>“Yes, of course,” Missy said.  “We’ll walk down with you. I want to show Diana downstairs anyway.” </p><p>They headed out of the staff area, but mum hung back just a little and gave me a quizzical look, “Have they hired her?” </p><p>Nodding at her, I replied, “yes, but I’m not so sure about her to be honest.  I’ve got a bad feeling about her.  Come on, we’ll chat later.” </p><p>Once downstairs, Skye gave a quick wave to everyone then came up and shook my hand again telling me it was lovely to meet me.  Savannah was with a customer and they were deep in conversation pointing to various parts of the shop and having a bit of a laugh until the woman saw Skye, then her body stiffened and she gave Skye a dark look.  Skye, noticing the woman, spun on her heels quickly and headed for the door.  What the hell was that all about, I thought to myself. </p><p>“Tom, Missy, this is Maggie,” Savannah said introducing us to the customer.  “Maggie used to own the shop before Vanessa bought it from her,” then turning back to Maggie, “Tom and Missy bought the shop from Vanessa.” </p><p>“Lovely to meet you,” we both said.   </p><p>We stood chatting for a little while then Maggie said her goodbyes and said she’d be sure to come back as she thought the place looked lovely. </p><p>“Let me walk you out,” I said to Maggie.  As we neared the door I said, “I couldn’t help but notice your reaction to Skye.  Do you know her?” </p><p>“I’m not telling tales out of school, but you just watch that one.  She’s not what she seems.”   </p><p>No matter how hard I tried, Maggie wouldn’t be drawn any further on the subject of Skye. </p><p>“Sorry about all of that,” I said to Mum as I rejoined everyone, “Now we can officially introduce you to Savannah.  Savannah, my mother Diana.  Mum this is Savannah.” </p><p>Savannah held her hand out but mum was having none of that and gave Savannah a hug.  “You were very kind to Maggie,” mum said.  “Taking an interest the way you did.  Very lovely of you.” </p><p>“She’s a sweetheart,” Savannah said.  “She loved owning the shop but it got too much for her and her family talked her into selling it.  I got the feeling there was trouble of some sort in the family.  She still misses it.” </p><p>“You should have hired her,” mum said with a chuckle.  “She’d have been wonderful.  She seemed like a character.” </p><p>Savannah laughed, “Oh she is, but we have Skye.” </p><p>“I don’t like her. Skye that is,” mum said straight out.  “I don’t trust her.  Don’t look at me like that Dil, I can’t help it.  I just get a feeling from her.” </p><p>“Diana! That’s not like you to be so quick to judge.  Give her a chance.   What did you think babe, I know you only saw her briefly but she seems ok yeah?” </p><p>“I’d rather not get involved,” I said. </p><p>“You didn’t like her either did you?” Mum asked. </p><p>“I don’t want to get involved.  I don’t have to see the girl so what I think doesn’t matter.” </p><p>“Yes, it does.  Babe?  Did you not like her?” </p><p>I hesitated before saying anything, trying to find the right words without sounding like an egotistical prig.  “When I shook her hand after introducing myself, she held it for a rather long time then when I moved away from her, she made a point of coming up and standing very close, uncomfortably close,” I said. “Then made a point of leaning into me to try and take coffee from me when I had it already. I don’t know her but I can’t help thinking I know <em> of  </em>her for some reason.” </p><p>Looking at Savannah, I said, “We may have made a mistake.” </p><p>“I’m beginning to wonder.  Did you happen to see the look Maggie gave her, and Skye’s reaction?” Sav said.  “I think we need to watch her very closely.  I did find it odd that she kept referring to Tom but put it down to being a bit star struck and to be honest, she’s been a bit rude to you.  I guess we’ll just see how it goes.” </p><p>“I just asked Maggie about her,” I told the girls, “And she said to be careful of her as she’s not what she seems.  You girls just be careful and keep a close eye on her.”  Then turning to Savannah, “Are you right if I take this one now?  I want to get her to the cemetery while we’ve got the time.” </p><p>“I should be fine,” Savannah said.  “It’s not that much longer until I close up anyway.  If it gets busy and I can’t deal with anyone else, I’ll just close the door.” </p><p>“Ready darling?” </p><p>“Let’s just get it over with.” </p><p>Arriving at the cemetery she followed the directions she’d been given, walking with her head down.  Mum and I watched her go, then followed at a distance with me keeping a careful eye on her.  As we approached where we were told the grave was, we saw another person standing there.   Mum and I noticed that Missy was still walking with her head down and hadn’t noticed anyone there, but not only had we noticed someone there, we recognised who it was. </p><p>“I need to get to her,” I said to Mum taking off at a run. </p><p>Just as I reached her, I heard her say, “Skye? What are you doing here?” </p><p>Skye turned to her, “Visiting my father.” </p><p>I caught her as her legs gave out. </p><p>
  
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  <strong>14.2  TOM DEALS WITH SKYE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“It’s ok love, I’ve got you,” I said holding her close.  “It’s ok.”  Turning to Skye I said, “Convenient that you should be here.  I’m assuming you overheard a conversation somewhere along the way. I knew you seemed familiar in some way. Darling, go with mum.  Take her to the car for me mum.” </p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about.  I came to visit my father’s grave.  I don’t understand why <em> she </em> felt the need to be here,” Skye practically spat. </p><p>“For closure, that’s why she needed to be here; so she can move on with her life and finally let what happened go, accept that it really is over,” I said to her.   </p><p>“She has no right to be here...”  </p><p>I cut Skye off, “Darling, go with mum, I’ll be along.” </p><p>“Babe, just leave it. I understand why she’s so upset...” </p><p>“No, I won’t ‘just leave it’.  Just stay with mum.  You, over here.  Now,” I said to Skye. </p><p>Moving out of earshot I turned to Skye, “When did you figure out who she was?” </p><p>“I’ve known for a long time,” she answered. </p><p>“Why now? She doesn’t need this,” I told her.  “Do you have any idea what your father did to her?” </p><p>“My father was a kind and loving man,” Skye answered. </p><p>“Your father was a sadistic, violent, narcissistic, psychopath who almost destroyed a young girl, to the point where she said death would have been preferrable, and God knows he tried that a few times too.  The physical damage has healed, although the scars remain. But the psychological damage he did to her is so bad that she is still undergoing counselling all these years later, so don’t you dare stand there and tell me what a kind and loving man he was.  What was your plan?  Start work at the shop then what?” </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Skye said.  “I just wanted a job.” </p><p>“I knew you seemed familiar.  I had a private detective do some checking for me a few years ago, just to make sure your father was completely out of our lives, I’ve never been entirely certain that he wouldn’t try something especially with me being away so much.   I was told about the threats you made back then but, given your age at the time I didn’t really give them a lot of creedence, although I’ve made sure none of you could get near her, even if I haven’t been here to protect her personally.” </p><p>“She took my father away from me,” Skye said.  </p><p>“She was a child!” I exclaimed, “She didn’t take him away.  He took everything from her.  He preyed on her knowing she was vulnerable then set about destroying her.” </p><p>“She wasn’t ‘a child’, she was almost an adult.  She took him away from me, she made sure they wouldn’t let me be with him.  She made them take him away.  She destroyed him so I wanted to make her pay, let her see how it feels to have something you love so much taken away.” </p><p>“She was a child when he stalked her, you weren’t even born so how the hell could she have taken him away from you?” I asked her.  “She doesn’t know you.  She only knows of you.  So, what were you going to try and do?  Destroy the business?  Savannah would have figured that out pretty quickly,” I said. </p><p>“You’re just as thick as she is,” Skye said.  “Not the business you idiot. You.  I wanted to take you away. Let her see how it feels to lose the person you love the most.  Let her see what it’s like to have your whole world taken away.” </p><p>“It would never have happened,” I told her.  “Never. From the first day I laid eyes on her there’s never been anyone for me but her and I will do <em> anything  </em> to protect her; anything.   Now, given all that’s happened you can forget about working for us and I’ll be seeking a restraining order to keep you away  from the  business, our home and her personally.  I suggest you have a long hard think about what you’re doing with your life.  Given this mindset, you’re never going to make it in law.  Your father is responsible for what happened to  <em> her; </em>   <em> not </em> the other way around.  Now, I’m going to go back to her and I don’t want to hear of, or from you again.  Do I make myself clear?” </p><p>“Crystal,” she answered. </p><p>“Good.  Oh, one more thing.  Why did Maggie, the older customer in the shop before, why did she react to you the way she did?” I asked.  “If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, I can ask her because I’m sure she’ll be back.” </p><p>“That old bitch.  She’s my father’s mother.  To the best of my knowledge, she doesn’t know who your wife is.  She knows <em> of  </em>her, but not that she’s...well, not that she was the one that destroyed my father.  Not that the old bitch would see it that way anyway.  She disowned him:  Maggie, disowned him and wanted nothing to do with him. She took me in but it was never going to work.  I hate her.   Anyway, you can all rot in hell as far as I’m concerned, you all deserve each other.” </p><p>And with that she turned and walked away.   </p><p>I was just about to head back towards the car when my phone rang, “Hi Sav, now isn’t a great time, sorry.” </p><p>“Tom, you need to get back here.  Now,” Savannah said. </p><p>Hearing the concern in her voice I had a feeling I knew what it was about. “Is Maggie there by any chance?” </p><p>“Yes.  How did you know?” </p><p>“We’re on our way. I’ll explain when we get there,” I said as I jogged back to the car.  “Come on darling.  We need to get back to the shop.  You can put this all to rest very soon, I promise.” </p><p>Mum gave me a quizzical look and I shook my head, “I’ll explain later.” </p><p>… </p><p>Arriving back at the shop, we unlocked the door and headed straight upstairs where Savannah was sitting having a coffee with Maggie. </p><p>“Please forgive me for intruding on you, but I couldn’t stop thinking about seeing Skye here this afternoon and I’ve not been able to rest my mind about it.  She’s bad news,” Maggie started to say. </p><p>“Maggie, it’s ok.  We know who she is.  I’m not so sure you know who this is though,” I said nodding towards my wife.  “This might take a little bit of explaining, and a little time.  Savannah, it’s up to you whether you stay or go.  It’s all going to come out eventually anyway.  Mum, you stay.  You might as well know the entire sordid story.” </p><p>Savannah seemed unsure what to do, “I don’t want to intrude on your personal lives so I’m happy to go but if you need me here for moral support, I'm happy to stay.  I can go out and do some work if you like.  As I said, I really don’t want to intrude.” </p><p>“Sav, I want you to stay.  It’s probably high time you knew all about me because it might be a bit of a bumpy road for the next few days.  Diana, I hope you don’t think any less of me when this is all said and done,” then turning to Maggie she said, “I know who you are.  I can’t say I’m sorry for your loss because I’m not.  Your son almost destroyed me and I’m glad he’s dead.” </p><p>Maggie, gasping, reached out and took her hand, “You’re her?  You’re Skye’s...you’re the one that Skye blames for taking her father away? The one he nearly killed?  Oh my God.” </p><p>It gets a little confusing here because my wife knows <em> of  </em> Skye but doesn’t know her - the Dark Angel (her other personality) on the other hand knows  <em> about </em> Skye, knows her – or did, is what I should say. </p><p>I intervened here, “We saw Skye at the cemetery.  And once she said she was visiting her father everything fell into place. We, Skye and I, came to an understanding.  She won’t be coming back and I’m having restraining orders put on her.  I’m sorry Maggie, I know he was your son and she’s your granddaughter but I’m not having all that brought back on our doorstep.” </p><p>Maggie, still holding her hand, had tears rolling down her face.  “I’m so sorry for everything he did to you child,” she said.  “I swear I didn’t know at the time.  I only found out everything after it was all over.  After you went to the hospital and got the police involved.  I failed as a mother.  He was always different, cold, calculating.” </p><p>She went on to explain what Missy’s tormentor was like as a child and how, as he grew up, she struggled with him.  He’d become violent towards her and she’d pressed charges resulting in him doing a stint in juvenile detention and her disowning him.  She’d found out about Skye quite by accident and didn’t really want to go into detail about that, which we all respected. The woman didn’t have to be here at all really. My darling wife relived a lot of what she went through, spoke about things she’d never told another soul, but she wasn’t alone this time and had a support network around her that gave her the confidence to get it all out. As she said though, she could only give part of the story as she can’t give the story from the Dark Angels perspective, she doesn’t really know what happened.  Only what she’d learnt from witness accounts and through hypnotherapy.   </p><p>The afternoon wore on and became evening but still we talked.  A lot of healing was done during that conversation.   A lot of healing, a lot of tears, a lot of understanding and finally what we were all hoping for.  Closure.  Maggie apologised profusely for everything my brave wife had been put through and, being the person she is, she knelt down in front of Maggie, hugged her tight and said Maggie had nothing to apologise for, none of it was her fault, the same as she herself, was not to blame.  They were both victims of circumstance.  I was so proud of her, I truly was. </p><p>Deciding to call it a day as we were all emotionally exhausted, Maggie was invited to come back any time she wanted on the condition they leave the past in the past and only look forward, although they were more than happy to hear stories from the days when Maggie had the shop.  Savannah told us to take our time in the morning, not to rush, that she’d open and to head in when we were ready.  I’d already rung through and said I’d be late in as I want to start proceedings on the restraining orders as soon as possible. </p><p> Once we got home, I fed the dogs, made a pot of tea and asked what everyone wanted to eat.  No one was really hungry so we settled on toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches.   </p><p>“Babe, thank you for being there for me today.  Thank you for being my rock.  For never giving up on me and for being as understanding and supportive as you are.  I couldn’t do this without you.”  She then turned to mum, voice very unsteady, “Diana, I hope you don’t think any less of me after hearing all that.  I know you knew I’d had rough time in life and was a bit broken but now you know why, I hope it doesn’t change anything.  I’m still the same person you’ve always known.” </p><p>My heart damn near broke at that. </p><p>“Dil, nothing’s changed.  Whilst I didn’t know the full extent of what you went through, I did know quite a bit of it.  Please don’t hold it against him, but Tom told me quite a bit of it a long time ago when he felt helpless and didn’t know how to help you.  He needed someone to talk to, and he knew I wouldn’t judge.  You’re not defined by your past Dil.  If anything, I admire you more for being able to overcome everything you did.  How you survived I’ll never know.  You’re a very brave, very strong woman,” Mum told her. </p><p>“I couldn’t have done it without Tom believing in me,” she said.  “And for that Diana, I thank you for raising him right.  I love you both very much. Now, as I said to Maggie; it’s done, it’s over.  I have my closure, on a lot more than I bargained for.  And you two are still in trouble for keeping secrets from me,” she laughed. </p><p>That laugh at the moment, is the most magical sound in the world.  Mum will help her keep it together, she has Sav and now Maggie.  And of course, as always, she has me.  </p><p>Finally, I’ve got a good feeling about this. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>14.3 PARENTAL ABSENCE EXPLAINED</strong>
</p><p>Poor mum was almost dead on her feet, it had been a huge day, but insisted on staying up and chatting. </p><p>“Diana, go to bed,” Mum got told.  “You have to be wiped out.” </p><p>“I’ll go to bed soon Dil and don’t you start trying to Lord it over me, my girl,” Mum replied.  “I want some time to catch up with both of you.” </p><p>“I’m so sorry the world went to hell in a handbasket.  I can’t believe how badly I misjudged Skye.  Thank you both for being so honest about how you felt.  Please tell me you get a good feeling about Maggie, I really liked her and, to be honest, felt so sorry for her.” </p><p>“Darling, do you really think it’s wise to involve yourself with her?” I asked. </p><p>“Actually, yes I do,” I got told.  “She’s a lovely lady who, like me, is a victim of circumstance.  You saw her this afternoon Tom; she’s heartbroken at what happened.  Call me an idiot if you must, but I honestly believe we could be good for each other although I did mean what I said – no talking of the past other than her days as shop owner.  If that can’t happen, I promise both of you, I’ll tell her not to come back.” </p><p>Mum was quite for a couple of minutes, then looked at me and said, “I think Dil’s right.  I think this could be a beneficial relationship for both of them.  Something positive to come out of all the negatives.” She then turned her attention to her daughter in law, “I need to ask you something Dil, and if you want to tell me to mind my own business please do.” </p><p>“I have nothing to hide Diana.  Ask away.” </p><p>“Where the hell were your parents when all of this was going on?  Did they not realise what was going on?”  Mum asked. </p><p>“Mum and I had a very difficult relationship. Mum had only just turned 17 when I was born and had been forced into a life she didn’t want. Dad was that life. They should never have been together as they weren’t compatible and Dad was away a lot for work.  He worked the mines and could be gone for up to 3 weeks at a time.  I know it’s not my fault that she lived the life she did, but I also know that without me she would have had a very different life.  Mum also has the same mental illnesses I do and, as I got older, I got very rebellious and we clashed horrendously.  In the end, after one particularly bad argument that ended with me striking her, I decided to leave home.  I felt I had no choice at the time; in hindsight I know that was wrong.  I had no contact with my family for close to 4 years.  I nearly broke mum’s heart and to this day we still have a somewhat rocky relationship although we’ve both forgiven the other.  My parents don’t know what I went through, nor will they ever know.  I’ve chosen to keep that part of my life to myself where they’re concerned.  I’m no angel Diana but I’ve learnt a lot and paid a big price for those lessons.  Please don’t feel sorry for me because, whilst I didn’t deserve what happened to me, I brought a lot of it on myself through very poor life choices. The man I now call Dad isn’t my biological Dad.  I don’t see my bio dad, but we still talk occasionally.  He has another life now and I'm happy for him.” </p><p>“No one deserves to be put through what you went through, no matter how poor their choices are.  Thanks for telling me.  As a mother, I can only begin to imagine what your mother must have gone through, the wondering, the heartache.  I’m glad you were able to overcome it all.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m absolutely exhausted and need my bed.” </p><p>“I think that might be a wise choice for all of us,” I said. </p><p>We walked her out to the granny flat, said our goodnights and went to walk away when she called out.   </p><p>“Dil, come here for a minute.” </p><p>I stood out the way but close enough to be able to hear – I know mum would never purposely upset her but I’m feeling very protective at the moment and not up to taking chances. </p><p>“What’s up Diana?” she asked. </p><p>Mum wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tight.  “I just wanted to do this.” </p><p>Laughing she hugged mum back, “I’m fine Diana.  Honestly, it’s over.” </p><p>“Oh this isn’t for you Dil.  This is for me.  I need this,” Mum said, then dropped her voice to a whisper and said something quite obviously not meant for my ears.  Whatever it was that mum said resulted in a huge smile and another hug.   </p><p>Turning, she came over to me and wrapped her arm around my waist as we walked inside.  </p><p>“What was that about?” I asked. </p><p>“Girl talk,” she said, smiling up at me. </p><p>Closing up for the night, we walked to the bedroom hand in hand.   </p><p>“I need a shower,” she said.  “I need to get all the...I need to get all the bad off me.” </p><p>“Can I join you?” I asked. </p><p>There was the slightest hesitation before she nodded, “Sure, if you want.”  </p><p>I went to walk to the bathroom then stopped, “Actually love, I might leave you too it.  I need to check for an email I’m expecting and shoot off a reply.  I’ll jump in for a quick one when you’re done.”  Giving her a kiss on the cheek, I left the room.  Waiting for a couple of minutes, I headed back to our room where I could hear the shower running in the bathroom and the sound of her sobbing.  Now I knew why she hesitated about me joining her.   </p><p>I really wanted to run in there, sweep her into my arms and hold her while she let it all out but I figured she wanted some privacy, hence that slight hesitation from her.  My heart felt like it was being ripped in two as I stood silently hearing those sobs coming from the bathroom and it almost became too much for me to bear, my feet carrying me towards the bathroom of their own volition.  Making a massive effort to stop myself, I turned on my heel and exited the room just as the shower shut off.  Giving her a few minutes to get herself together, I fiddled around in the kitchen, poured us both a juice and generally wasted time.   </p><p>Figuring I’d given her enough time, I walked back to our room with the juice in hand just as she came out of the bathroom.  Looking up as I came through the door, she smiled and walked over to take the juice from me.  </p><p>“Thanks babe.  I was just going to go grab a drink.  My throat feels a little scratchy.  You going for a shower?” she asked. </p><p>“Are you ok?” I questioned.  “Your eyes are a bit red.” I was trying to get her to open up without coming out and saying I’d heard her.   </p><p>“I’m fine, I got a bit of soap in my eye.  Silly of me to rub my eye with a handful of shower gel,” she replied. </p><p>Fine little one, we’ll play it your way – for now.   </p><p>Going in and having my shower I was soaped up when she walked in.  </p><p>“I need to clean my teeth,” she said.  “And I know you heard me crying.  I'm fine, I just needed to get it out.” </p><p>I didn’t say anything, just nodded then went back to washing myself.  Turning my back on her to rinse off, I was surprised when I felt her hands on me.  </p><p>“You’ve showered already,” I said. </p><p>“I need another one.” </p><p>… </p><p>Having straightened the sheets and covers, I propped myself up on the pillow and started reading while I waited for her to finish cleaning her teeth. </p><p>Climbing into bed beside me, she rolled over and snuggled against me then asked, “What are you reading?” </p><p>“The Last of the Mohicans,” I replied. </p><p>“Haven’t you already read it?” </p><p>“Years ago, but I was thinking about it for some reason and decided to read it again.  Are you reading?” I asked. </p><p>“No.  I think I might just sleep.  I’m feeling pretty wiped out to be honest.  It’s been a hell of a day.  Can I have a kiss?” she said. </p><p>Putting the book down, I bent down to kiss her goodnight.  Her arms snaked up around my neck and she held tight as I grazed my lips across hers. </p><p>“Goodnight my love,” I said. </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 7: Don't Make Me Tell Your Mother immediately follows on from this chapter and is available in My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase</p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>14.4 FEELING GOOD</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling over and opening my eyes, I knew it was early because of the light quality, but I also knew there was no way I was going back to sleep.  Carefully getting up so as to not wake Tom, I grabbed the oversized t-shirt that lives just under the bed and headed out to use the family bathroom.  Wandering into the kitchen, I was going to make coffee but as it wasn’t yet 5 </span>
  <span>a.m</span>
  <span> I decided to hold off and hit the gym instead.  Sneaking back into the bedroom, I grabbed sports bra and knickers then headed for the gym where I ditched the t-shirt, put the bra and knickers on then set about doing some stretching. I felt absolutely wonderful.  I’d slept better than I’d slept in months, felt energetic, like properly energetic not just hyped up like usual, it was a good feeling and I didn’t feel the need to down multiple cups of coffee just to function.   Once I felt I’d warmed up sufficiently, I hopped on the step machine and did 5 minutes on that before moving on to the elliptical trainer then rowing machine,  did some weights before finishing on the treadmill which is where Tom found me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning darling,” he said leaning against the door frame.  “Couldn’t sleep?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning.  I actually slept really well.  I woke early and thought I’d come in here and do a bit of a workout, hope I didn’t wake you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t hear a thing.  How are you feeling this morning?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel amazing,” I smiled getting off the treadmill and going to the yoga mat.  “Feel really good.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Standing there watching me, smile playing about his lips he nodded.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” I asked. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to sound ridiculous, but you look different. Your eyes are clear, your skin is glowing...you look happy, really happy,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I am,” I answered.  “You coming to do some yoga with me or you going for a run?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll join you.  Might give the run a miss this morning, have a </span>
  <span>cuppa</span>
  <span> with mum instead.  I’ll be heading out early to deal with the </span>
  <span>fall out</span>
  <span> from yesterday then heading to the studio.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Together, we spent the next half hour in silence as we did some yoga then headed to the kitchen.  Boiling water for Diana’s tea in case she came in, Tom came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me back against him and bending down kissing my neck as I was trying to put the coffee on.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it any wonder my coffee tastes like crap when you distract me?” I laughed as he kept nibbling on my neck.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you always make it like that?” he asked, watching what I was doing.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, why?” I replied.  “How do you do it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Making me start over, he gave me step by step instructions on how he made coffee.  Taking a mouthful of the coffee I’d made under his instructions my eyes lit up, “Oh wow, tastes the same as when you make it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bursting out laughing at the look of wonder on my face as I sipped the coffee, he took the cup from my hand and pulled me into a tight embrace, “Of course it takes like mine, I just told you how to do it.” Then brought his lips down on mine, kissing me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes my heart happy to see that first thing in the morning,” Diana said as she walked in the back door, Bobby and Paddy following behind, excited to see her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning,” Tom and I both greeted, still holding each other close.  Then Tom added, “You’ll be pleased to know she listened to you last night and did as she was told.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Diana smiled and nodded, “Yes, I can see.  You’re glowing Dil.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tea,” he asked her.  “I’ve just been teaching this one how to make a half decent coffee instead of the poison she calls coffee.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look it’s not as good as yours, but it’s hardly poison,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <span>We'll</span>
  <span> have to agree to disagree on that,” he laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Having had your coffee before Dil, I have to say it’s not poison, but it’s not the best I’ve ever had,” Diana chimed in.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what’s this? Gang up on me day?  That’d be right, and I was feeling so good about myself this morning too,” I sulked, well </span>
  <span>tried to</span>
  <span> sulk, but Tom caught the smile as I turned away.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice try you,” he laughed, grabbing me and hugging me close.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I had coffee while Tom and Diana had breakfast, then Tom went to get ready and head off for the day.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you sleep well?” I asked Diana.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did actually, and I’m feeling well rested.  So, what are the plans for the day?” Diana replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Head into the shop and try to learn more about everything.  We really didn’t think things through when we bought the shop, neither of us knowing the first thing about running one.  Thank God for Savannah or I’d be completely lost.  I don’t know what we would have done if she’d not agreed to stay on.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems like a lovely girl.  She obviously cares a great deal for both of you.  You’ve got a gem </span>
  <span>there</span>
  <span> I think.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Both her and Theresa are wonderful.  Oh, you wouldn’t know. Sav and Theresa are getting married just after Christmas and they’ve turned the entire thing over to Elsa and I to plan.  We’ve </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span> my cousin to do the ceremony for them...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The one that did your wedding?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, he’s going to visit my other cousin and will be passing through so said he’d stop off and perform the ceremony.  I’ve ordered their </span>
  <span>dresses;</span>
  <span> do you want to see? And Elsa’s taking care of the reception.  They’re getting married at The Bay; Chris and Elsa offered to let them have it there and stay at the old cottage for their honeymoon.  I was so touched that they offered it to them even though they didn’t know the girls.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it says a lot for both couples really.  Savannah and Theresa for being loyal to you and Tom and Chris and Elsa for </span>
  <span>recognising</span>
  <span> their loyalty and trustworthiness.  And I’d love to see the dresses,” Diana said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Opening my laptop, I pulled up the pics of the dresses and showed Diana.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Dil, they’re beautiful.  I can just picture that on Savannah, and whilst I haven’t met </span>
  <span>Theresa,</span>
  <span> I have a picture in my mind as to what she looks like and if I’m right, this dress will look perfect.  Not only that it compliments Savannah’s dress beautifully.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Diana.  Did you want to come to the shop today or would you prefer to stay here and rest up for the day?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s alright with you darling, I think I'd like to come with you.  Get to know Savannah a bit more and spend some time with you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d love you to come, but if you feel you want to leave early just let me know and I’ll get you home.  Oh, I’ve got so much to catch you up on.  Let’s get ready and I can fill you in on everything as the day goes on,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of hours later, Diana and I were standing talking to Savannah about advertising for another assistant.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave it up to you Sav, you know what you need and it has to be someone you can get on well with and trust.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get an ad ready for the end of the week,” Savannah said.  “Why don’t you take Diana upstairs and take a break for a while.  Take advantage of the quiet time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you’re right down here?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If I need you, I’ll call out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking Diana </span>
  <span>upstairs, I</span>
  <span> made her a cup of tea and we sat chatting.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom’s made some new friends,” I told her.  “We met them at the pub when we went for lunch.  He’s hung out with a couple of them a few times and we’d invited them over for a barbecue last weekend with Savannah and Theresa then Chris and Elsa arrived unexpectedly and stayed.  Everyone seemed to get on well, which was really nice for Tom.  He misses being with his mates, misses home a lot at the moment.  I think with the prospect of heading over in the new year it’s brought the homesickness on.  We’ve been to the pub a few times together and I made him go on his own while I had the piano delivered and the boys are amazing about protecting his privacy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got a piano?” Diana asked.  “I’ll have to get him to play for me, been so long since I’ve heard him play.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you could play something together like you used to?” I suggested.  “We’ve got a pool table too now.   Remind me to get Tom to show it to you when we get home.  He mentioned getting one after being with the boys at the pub, but in true Tom fashion did nothing about it so I did.  I thought it would be great to have for when we have barbecues and get togethers, which I’m hoping we’ll be able to do more of as we explore the </span>
  <span>neighbourhood</span>
  <span> more.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes me laugh that you’re still getting to know the area even having been here for as long as you have.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well with Tom not being in the country, I tend to become a bit hermit like.  I visit family and do groceries but, other than work, I don’t really enjoy going out without him.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What made you get the piano?” she asked. “And is he still as good as he was?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I got it one day when Savannah and I were shopping for paint for here.  She asked if I could stop at the music store so she could get guitar strings...and I came out having bought the piano. I always meant for him to have one after we got rid of the old one when we moved but it just kept slipping my mind.   And yes, he’s as good as he was.  I love listening to him.  He’s tried to teach me but I think we can both agree, I’m useless.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not useless darling, you’re just impatient,” Tom said, walking into the kitchen area.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?  I thought you were at the studio today,” I asked, smiling and happy to see him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to get all the business sorted out first.  What have you two been up to all morning?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just catching up on everything that’s been going on son.  Sounds like you’re settling in to the area well.  Good to hear you’re getting out,” Diana said.  “Get everything sorted just now?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.  I explained everything to the police and they said it would be a straightforward matter then I called the solicitor and spoke to him.  It’s all sorted, you don’t need to appear. They have a record of events from the past so it’s all done.  Have you eaten?  I’m starving.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we haven’t actually.  You hungry Diana?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“A little now that you mention it,” she answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I might just go grab some chicken and salad sandwiches.  Does that sound ok to you?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. I’ll walk down with you.  I need to check with Sav, see if she wants something.  Actually, just get her one as well, she’ll only say no if I ask her.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He returned 15 minutes later, sandwiches and juice for all and went to head upstairs when Savannah smiled and said, “Thank you but I’ll wait down here in case anyone comes in and let you guys have some family time.”   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Getting a piece of paper and pen, Tom wrote a note then went and stuck it to the door, which he locked. I knew exactly what he was doing and smiled in agreement.  We’re going to be hopeless business owners.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>‘Closed for lunch’ was what the sign read.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom turned to Savannah, “Family time includes you, let’s go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. 15.1 A Word from Savannah, 15.2 At Home with the Hiddleston's, 15.3 Mine's Still Better, 15.4 Time's Getting Away From Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>15.1 A WORD FROM SAVANNAH</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I still get nervous doing these, I’m never really sure what to write because my life is nothing exciting.  Let’s see, I’m trying to work out whether I should start now and work backwards or backtrack and work forwards.  I guess going back then bringing it up to today would probably make more sense.   </p><p> Let's go back to the weekend when we had the barbecue at Tom and Missy’s, seems like a good place to start. Theresa and I had seen the boys, Sticks and Sparky, around before.  Where we live is almost like a small country town even though it’s a city suburb.  It’s one of those areas where everyone seems to know <em> of </em> everyone else and you see familiar faces at the local grocery store or bakery.  We don’t tend to get a lot of visitors because in all honesty, there’s not really a lot here to draw people in and that’s just how we all like it.  It’s not an exclusive suburb as such but it’s one of the more affluent areas.  Whilst Theresa and I aren’t rich, through wise investments and frugal living, we’re doing ok and hope to buy a house soon, only requiring a very small loan.  This is why we couldn’t buy the business.  We’re not too far from the city, coast or national park and once people move here, they tend to stay.  It’s a nice area – quiet, leafy, safe.  Tom and Missy are not the only recognisable faces to live in our area but we all tend to stay to ourselves.  Of course, there’s a smile or a nod of the head but everyone here values their own privacy and respects everyone else’s.   </p><p> When Tom and Missy said they’d had friends come to stay unexpectedly it didn’t occur to me that it would be someone well known.  I don’t forget who I work for but they’re just Tom and Missy.  The whole famous actor thing is in the past and they’re just really lovely people who happen to have a high profile.  I don’t know if it would be different if Missy were famous in her own right, but as she keeps telling me, they’re the same as anyone else.  Missy in particular likes to keep it real and is quite vocal about how the fame and adoration side of things is not her world – she's just a personal trainer who fell for an actor – is how she puts it. </p><p> Anyway, walking into their house and seeing Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky sitting there was probably the last thing I expected.  I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect.  I’d heard Chris was pretty easy going but you just never know.  Well, I can assure you, he’s very easygoing.  What you see is what you get.  They were both lovely people and I can see why the Hiddlestons and Hemsworths get along so well.  They truly are just normal, average, down to earth people with no airs and graces.  I felt immediately comfortable with them which is unusual because I tend to be quite reserved.  Anyway, we had a wonderful night and were totally blown away by the offer Chris and Elsa made about our wedding.  It felt right turning the whole thing over to Missy and Elsa, especially as they’ve both done quickie weddings before.  Missy had 48 hours for hers and I know Chris and Elsa had only been public with their relationship for 3 months when they got married.  I’m actually really excited to see what they come up with.  Theresa and I have no expectations at all so whatever they do will be fine by us, as long as it stays on budget and isn’t huge. </p><p> The opening of the shop was a little more hectic than I expected, although I shouldn’t have been surprised given word got out about the new owners.  We always knew people would realise who took it over, let’s face it people know who Missy is because of Tom, so I should have expected the interest.  I know the shop isn’t exactly how we wanted it, but I love it and have only heard positive comments so far.  I can’t believe Missy and I got it so wrong with Skye.  I’m so thankful that Mrs. Hiddleston said something about how she felt because when Maggie came back and started telling me her story, I knew I had to say something.  Without Mrs. Hiddleston having said something though I might have been a little more hesitant to have called Tom.   </p><p> I admit, after hearing Missy’s story and all that she endured at the hands of that monster, I went home and sobbed my heart out.  Poor Theresa didn’t know what to do because I was inconsolable.  I cried for Missy and I cried for me.  I didn’t endure what she did but I still lost a childhood.  Not often I allow myself to have pity moments, but I did last night. It just seems that life is so unfair sometimes. But then I think, if it wasn’t for our experiences, we wouldn’t be the people we are today.  Theresa understood when I told her that it was about Missy but I couldn’t divulge what, she’s kind of guessed that Missy had it rough and that we’re kindred spirits in a way.  I’m just thankful that we have each other, all of us, and we can support each other – although I’m really going to have to get Tom and Missy to start thinking like business owners and not have them shut the shop because they want to have lunch as a family.  That kind of blew me away actually when Tom included me in the family.  I’ve never had a family, not a real one, so it was quite an emotional moment for me...I think he realised what it meant to me after he said it because he gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and I got one of those thousand watt smiles of his.  He truly is the sweetest, most genuine man I’ve ever known and the love he has for his wife is amazing.  Watching him with Missy when she told her story last night was just the most incredible thing.  He’s in awe of her.  He not only loves her unconditionally, but he likes her.  Really likes her as a person, respects her and is proud of her and very, very protective...and it all shows on his face as he watches her.  I want what they have; I want that with Theresa.  </p><p> I was really nervous about meeting Mrs. Hiddleston.  I know Missy said she’d be accepting of me, but it doesn’t always go down that way.  So many people are still hung up on same sex relationships and how it’s an abomination and all the other horrible things they say.  It’s not like we have a choice, we’re born this way - the same as straight people are born straight.  Luckily for me, she’s as sweet and kindhearted as Missy said she was.  I’ve only known her for 24 hours but I already know I love her to bits and can understand why Missy and Tom love having her around.  The other one that I think I’m going to really end up loving is Maggie. I’m not sure how often we’ll see her but I felt an instant connection with her.  She’s a character, but there’s a sadness about her and I want to take that sadness away.  You know how every so often in life someone comes along and you just click, Missy was one of them, and I think Maggie is another.  She’s just a beautiful soul.  The only thing I’m unsure about is how Missy will go if Maggie visits us, or more to the point, how Tom will feel with Missy having Maggie around. I’m hoping that Maggie and Missy might have a positive influence on each other.  I know we’re not mentioning the past but, let’s face it, it’s always going to be there so hopefully something positive can come out of all of it. </p><p> I sat at lunch with a goofy smile on my face listening to the three of them chatting, the friendly banter back and forth and being drawn into the conversation as well.  Tom and Missy gathered up the garbage and went to put it in the bin leaving me alone with Tom’s mum. </p><p> “So, Savannah, when do I get to meet Theresa?” Mrs Hiddleston asked. </p><p> “Oh, um, I’m, I’m not sure.  She’s um, she’s at work at the moment Mrs. Hiddleston, but I’m sure she’d love to meet you.” </p><p> “Darling relax.  You’re wound tighter than a spring.  And my name is Diana.  Mrs. Hiddleston makes me sound so old.  Tom and Dil have told me all about you and how much you’ve helped them out.  Sweetheart, I come from an art and theatre background; I don’t judge people for who they love as long as they love.  You’ve been an absolute Godsend to these two and for that I thank you.  Watching you yesterday when Dil was telling her story, I could tell you’ve had a rough time of it yourself.  I’m sure my lovely daughter in law has told you I have a habit of collecting strays, especially broken ones...and I don’t mean that to be offensive, it’s actually how Dil described it to me.  You’re one of a kind, and I can see there’s the potential for a great friendship between you and Dil, she needs someone like you.  Someone strong enough to put her in her place when she needs it, someone that will stand up to her and tell her no when she needs to be told no, but someone who can empathise with the broken bits. You fill the bill on all counts.  I’m not trying to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable, I just believe in saying it as it is.  And Tom considering you family speaks volumes to me about the type of person you are,” Diana told me. </p><p> "I really like both of them, even though we got off on a rough footing, they gave me the benefit of the doubt and, well, here we are,” I said smiling at this wonderful woman.   </p><p> “You’re not giving her too much of a hard time are you mum?” Tom asked as both he and Missy returned. </p><p> “Not at all,” Diana answered.  “We’re getting along swimmingly.  Darling, what are we doing on Saturday night?” </p><p> “We were going to suggest having Savannah and Theresa over for dinner so you can meet Theresa,” Tom answered.  “If they want to come, of course.” </p><p> “They’d love to,” Diana answered for me.  “Wouldn’t you?” </p><p> “I guess we would,” I said smiling at Diana.  </p><p> Maybe we should have called the shop Misfits Haven, a place for those of us who are broken to come together and fix each other.  It’s kind of a nice idea really.  Anyway, I’ve rambled on enough.  I really only came today so that Tom and Missy could have a break and spend some time together with Mrs. H without having to worry about anything else.  I’m sure I’ll talk to you again before too long...after all I’m getting married soon and I know Missy’s going to want it from my perspective as well as hers.  It’s a little bit exciting isn’t it? </p><p>
  
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  <strong>15.2 AT HOME WITH THE HIDDLESTON'S</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>What a morning it’s been organising the restraining orders against Skye.  After telling the police the story of what happened, having them bring up their records from years ago and seeing the report, plus the reports I have from the private detective I’ve had on the case whenever I’m away for any length of time, I was told there would be no problems in getting the restraining orders and that no appearances would be necessary just a few signatures and it would be done.  I contacted our solicitor anyway just to make sure it’s all done and we don’t have to worry any more.  Her safety is paramount and if I have to hire someone to watch over her 24/7 then it will be done, no matter how much she objects.  This one is not negotiable, one sighting of Skye and it’s around the clock surveillance. </p><p>Anyway, on to more pleasant things now.  I really enjoyed having lunch with my girls, and yes, that includes Savannah.  I don’t quite know how to describe how she fits in; she just does.  I know mum likes her, I can see from the way she’s talking to her, calming her down.  Savannah has obviously had a rough time with her sexuality in the past, I won’t say she’s ashamed of it because she’s not, but there’s a certain hesitation there, like she’s worried about being judged.  We’re not like that around here, we accept you for who you are.  I’m looking forward to mum meeting Theresa on the weekend, I think it will be a fun night.  I’ll be outnumbered for sure, good thing I’m very comfortable around women isn’t it?   </p><p>Having finished lunch and chatting, I checked the time. “I better get going love,” I said, giving her a kiss.  “I won’t be home late and I may have some good news when I get there.” </p><p>“I’ll take all the good news I can get,” she said as she kissed me back.  “I know what I'd like it to be but I won’t get my hopes up. Come on Sav, let’s go make some money.” </p><p>“Bye Tom, thanks for lunch,” Savannah said as she made her way out of the staff area. </p><p>“See you later Sav.” </p><p>Once she’d gone, I turned to mum, “Well?” </p><p>“I like her.  I like her a lot and I think she’s going to be really good for Dil. She’s going to be able to stand up to her and say no when it needs said.  There’s something about the girl that makes me want to gather her in, pull her close.  One of my ‘strays’ as Dil would say.  You’ve got a gem in that one,” Mum said. </p><p>“I think so too.  And the fact that Elsa and Chris took to both her and Theresa the way they did reassured me that it wasn’t just us. Anyway, I better get on.  I’ll see you later at home.” </p><p>Heading to the studio I was in a great mood. I’d been keeping a little secret from everyone; we’ve finished filming.  Still a few loose ends to tie up, but the principal filming is done and we’re all in the process of cleaning out trailers and gathering up personal belongings that always seem to make their way around the place.  There’s a wrap party scheduled in a few nights and I’ll put in an appearance, whether alone or not remains to be seen. </p><p>We’ll all be there at the studio at some stage over the next couple of days but, as always, there’s the element of sadness that you’re going to be saying goodbye to some wonderful people and you miss the routine of the work.  Then there’s the elements you don’t miss – 2 hours in the makeup chair, harnesses that move things where they weren’t designed to go.  All in all though, it’s been a pretty good experience, but I’m ready to put this one to bed. </p><p>Personally, we’ve come a long way since the start of filming, we’ve experienced some very low points, some high points and lots of middle ground also.  Psychologically, it’s been a hell of a year for both of us as we adjusted to actually being in the same place at the same time for longer than 6 weeks...ok, slight exaggeration but we’ve never, in the years we’ve been together, been together for this long.  I’ve actually really enjoyed it. </p><p>Heading home, I knew I’d be the first one there so set about sorting out dinner and getting Bobby and Paddy fed, I also noticed that Paddy needs his nails clipped so made a note to call the dog groomer and get him booked in.  Hunting around in the pantry and fridge I found everything I needed to make a curry so set about mixing the spices to make the paste then cutting up the chicken, onion and peppers.  Leaving it simmering on the stove, I decided to go play the piano for a while as I waited for my girls to come home.  </p><p>Lost in the music, I gave a bit of a start when I looked up and saw mum standing in the doorway, smile on her face. </p><p>“You still play beautifully,” she told me, walking closer to stand at the side of the piano. </p><p>“Still a bit rusty, but it’s coming back,” I said as my fingers moved across the keys and I shuffled along the stool so she could sit beside me.   </p><p>“Still no luck teaching Dil?” she asked. </p><p>“No, we always end up in bed when he tries,” my dear oversharing wife answered.  “Seems I'm just not meant to learn.  My fingers can’t help themselves and do naughty things to his fingers and before you know it, we’re...well, you know,” she finished with a laugh. </p><p>“Maybe you should try while I’m here,” mum suggested. </p><p>“What you want us to get down and dirty in front of you?” I asked, feigning shock, “Because you being here won’t stop her.” </p><p>Mum started laughing, “Oh get away with you, the both of you.  Still, I think it’s absolutely wonderful that you still want each other.” </p><p>“Can we <em> not </em> discuss my sex life please?” I asked, blushing slightly. </p><p>“Oh for goodness sake son, I know what you’re like so don’t start trying to play the innocent with me.  How many times have you both gone missing from family events, or public events for that matter, only to turn up 10 minutes later, dishevelled and grinning like cheshire cats? Your father used to be exactly the same.” </p><p>Putting my hand over my ears and making noises so I couldn’t hear, I got off the stool and headed for the kitchen on the pretext of checking the curry.  Lifting the lid, I gave the pan contents a good stir then tasted it.  Ah Hiddleston, you’ve outdone yourself.  It was good and I was hungry. </p><p>“You ladies hungry?” I asked.  “The curry’s ready, I just need to heat the rice.” </p><p>… </p><p>Dinner finished, dishwasher stacked, showers done, we were sitting drinking a glass of wine when I smiled and said, “Do you want to hear my news?” </p><p>“Only if it’s good news babe.” </p><p>Laughing, I said “It’s good news.  Principal filming is finished, a few loose ends to tie up then I can be with you in the shop while we learn the business.” </p><p>“Oh yay,” she said looking to mum with an eye roll.  “Under foot all the time again, gee can’t wait.” </p><p>“Rude!” I said, tongue in cheek. </p><p>She burst out laughing, “Just kidding.  I’m really looking forward to having you home.” </p><p>We all chatted about mutual acquaintances and Chris and Elsa’s upcoming nuptials when mum announced she was going to go to bed. </p><p>“Still fighting off the last of the jet lag,” she said with a yawn.  “I’ll see you in the morning my darlings.” </p><p>Kissing both of us on the cheek, she gave Bobby and Paddy a pat on the head which reminded me about Paddy’s nails. </p><p>“Paddy’s nails need a clip love; they’re getting a bit long.  I noticed it this afternoon,” I said. </p><p>“Oh, I’ve booked them both in at the grooming salon for nails and a wash and a clip for Bobby, just to tidy them up,” she replied.  “Babe, would you mind if I went to bed.  I think the stress of the last couple of days has finally caught up to me.  I’m really tired.” </p><p>“Do you want me to come in too?” I asked. </p><p>“Only if you want to.  Stay up if you’d rather,” she told me. </p><p>Kissing her goodnight, I said I’d stay up for a bit as I had a few things I wanted to take care of. </p><p>Heading to the office, I pulled out the stack of photocopied script pages and started writing notes to everyone involved with the series.   </p><p>I don’t know how long I’d been writing but it must have been a while when there was a light tap on the door.  Looking up, I smiled as a sleepy voice said, “Whatcha doin’ babe?” </p><p>Beckoning her in, I replied, “Just some thank you notes for the crew.” </p><p>She came to stand beside me and I moved the chair back a little so she could sit with me.  She stood in front of me, then straddled my legs leaning her chest against mine, snuggling her head against my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her.   </p><p>“You should be asleep,” I told her as I turned my head a little and kissed her forehead. </p><p>“I was but then I woke up and you weren’t there.  Can I talk to you or are you busy?” </p><p>“I’m never too busy for you, you know that,” I told her suddenly feeling a little uneasy.  What could she possibly want to talk about that couldn’t wait until morning? “What’s up?” </p><p>She pushed back a little then cupped my cheeks in her hands and looked me in the eye, and it was then I could see the tears in hers.   </p><p>“What’s wrong my love?” I asked as I reached up with my thumbs and wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes. </p><p>“I just need you to know how thankful I am that you came into my life.  How thankful I am that you wouldn’t take no for an answer and chased me down time and time again.  How thankful I am that you knew what was best for me no matter how much I tried to convince either one of us I knew better.  I know I’ve been difficult to be with over the years, I’m under no illusions and I know many people would have thrown their hands up and walked away.  I also know that it’s because of you I’m still here.  From the day you finally convinced me you weren’t just some asshole actor out for a good time there’s never been anyone but you.   This year has been a revelation for me, in that I wasn’t sure how we’d go spending so much time together but I’ve loved it. I can’t find the words to tell you how much I love you but I need you to know that there is no end to it, really need you to understand that.  This isn’t really coming out the way I had it planned and it sounded so much better in my head,” she laughed.  “Thank you for taking care of everything regarding Skye but I need to ask something.  As you know, the Dark Angel took over for months at a time, and even when I was present, I wasn’t really present during that period of life.  I don’t really remember things clearly and it’s really hard for me to differentiate between what really happened, what I think happened and what I want to have happened because of all the drugs he made me take, it all gets kinda blurry and it’s like I’m missing a few years in there.” </p><p>I finally realised where she was going, but I had to let her get there on her own, she had to ask.  Reaching up, I wiped the silent tears away again and sat patiently while she sorted the words out in her head. </p><p>“So, given that I don’t really know what happened and Skye’s age and her blaming me for everything,” here she drew in a big shuddering breath and then she finally asked, “Is Skye my daughter?” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>***Just a quick note, I know it seems unbelievable to think she wouldn't know if she'd had a baby but she talks a little more on it in the next one and it will give you a better understanding why she had to ask the question. This is the final big question she has regarding this part of her life. </p><p> </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>There is adult content to go with this chapter as you'll see as you progress - if you don't read the adult content, just skip where it says to go to the adult content.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>15.3 MINE'S STILL BETTER</strong>
</p><p>Waking up and finding the bed beside me empty, I had a feeling I knew where I’d find him.  I needed him.  Something had been bothering me since I found out who Skye was and I needed to know the answer.  He told me about the private detectives and threats that had been made that I knew nothing about.  I’m ok with it and I know he’ll keep hiring them to watch over me.  I don’t like it but I’m not going to let it bother me because it’s something that gives him peace of mind and it’s a small price for me to pay if it makes him happy.  I’d always had a feeling I was being watched but never let it bother me too much.  He had my medical records too.  He thought it best if we had a copy; I’ve never looked at them, don’t want to know, don’t want to remember, but somethings been bothering me. </p><p>Going to the office, I tapped lightly on the door and found him scribbling thank you notes.  Sitting with him, I needed him to know how much I appreciated everything he’s done for me but I needed him to understand how much I loved him because the answer to the question I was about to ask had the potential to change our lives irrevocably...God that sounds so melodramatic, but it’s the truth.  His thumbs wiped the silent tears away again as I drew in a big shuddering breath.  Ok, here goes. </p><p>“Maggie said something the other day and it got me thinking,” I said.  “I know I was pregnant, I vaguely remember the belly. They told me I lost her.”   </p><p>Tom sat nodding, silent.  </p><p>“Is Skye my daughter?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>We both sat in silence for a good thirty seconds, him watching me and me saying a silent prayer of thanks to every God and Goddess I could think of.   </p><p>“You’re absolutely certain?” I asked.  “There’s no chance?” </p><p>“I’ve got a private investigator on it but no, she’s definitely not your daughter.  They didn’t lie to you about that love, you did lose her.  Skye was born while he was with you, somewhere around the same time you were pregnant, but not to you.  I don’t have the details on how he ended up with the child.” </p><p>“I don’t care how he ended up with her, I don’t care about any of it other than knowing whether or not I’d given birth and they lied.” </p><p>To you it may sound farfetched that I don’t really remember being pregnant much less giving birth but you weren’t there, you don’t know what it was like.  The Dark Angel took over a lot during a certain period; I have no memory of that.  And when I <em> was </em> present, I was drugged, beaten and...sorry, not going there. </p><p>“She’s not yours love.   You can leave it <em> all </em> behind now ok? I think it’s time you looked at your medical records.  They’re in the safe.  Not now, but in the next couple of days I think you should read through them.  I’ll be with you ok?” </p><p>“Thank you.  I wish there were more words I could say for everything you’ve done because thank you just seems so inadequate.” </p><p>“Seeing you finally leave all this behind is all the thanks I need darling.  A bright future, just you and me and no ghosts from the past, that’s all I want...and you by my side,” he said as he raised my hand to his mouth and brushed his lips across my knuckles. </p><p>“I love you so much,” I said as I pulled his head down to me and kissed him. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Part 1 of the Adult Story That Escalated Quickly should be read here and is available on My Virtual Adult Adventures with Tom: The Next Phase.  If you don't read the adult content please just continue on.</strong>
</p><p>… </p><p>I fell asleep in the safety of Tom’s arms, with a clear mind, snuggled against his chest with the sound of his gentle snores in my ear, at peace with my world. </p><p>I woke up in exactly the same position but with Tom looking down at me, pained expression on his face.   </p><p>“S’up?” I mumbled trying to wake up properly, concern for the look on his face bringing me around quickly. </p><p>Giving my head a light shake, I lifted myself up on one elbow and looked at him, “What’s the matter?” </p><p>“Oh, thank God,” he said, pulling his arm close to his body and massaging his shoulder. </p><p>Looking at him in complete disbelief I shook my head, “Please tell me you did not just let your arm fall asleep because you didn’t want to wake me?” </p><p>“You looked so peaceful and I know you don’t sleep well and, well, I didn’t want to risk waking you up,” he said, pain etched over his face. </p><p>Sitting up in bed, I looked at him shaking my head, “Sit up.” </p><p>Waiting for him to sit up, I started gently massaging his shoulder trying to get the circulation going without causing any more pain than he was already experiencing.   </p><p>“You’re cute when you sleep,” he said.  “Even if you do snore and drool.” </p><p>“I don’t drool,” I stated, then laughed, “The snoring I’ll cop because I’ve woken myself up on more than one occasion.” </p><p>“You know you smile in your sleep?” he asked. </p><p>“Probably dreaming of an extra-large coffee being presented to me the minute my eyes opened,” I answered. </p><p>“You were saying my name while you were smiling,” he said with a leer. </p><p>“Dreaming that it was you bringing me the coffee probably,” I answered shutting him down. </p><p>“Oh just shut down my dreams and shatter my ego why don’t you?  I thought maybe I was giving you...” </p><p>“...there how’s that feeling?” I said as I jumped out of bed knowing exactly where he was going with that statement.  </p><p>He made a grab for me but I jumped back, causing us both to laugh.  “I can still get you,” he said. “Remember I’ve got long arms and you’ve got short legs.” </p><p>“My legs are not short!” I exclaimed.  “They’re in proportion to the rest of my body. Now, me and my perfectly proportioned legs are going to the bathroom then I’m going to see if I can remember how to make coffee the way you taught me.” </p><p>Hearing him call out, “Did you just knock me back?”  as I went to the bathroom, I couldn’t help but smile.  I love mornings that start like this; well, I prefer ones where I don’t have to jump out of bed so quickly but I knew Diana would be in shortly. </p><p>“I didn’t say no,” I called out.  “You didn’t ask.” </p><p>Splashing water on my face, I looked up in the mirror to see him standing behind me.   </p><p>“I’m asking now,” he said quietly. </p><p>
  <strong>Part 2 of That Escalated Quickly should be read here</strong>
</p><p>… </p><p>Pulling my hair back in a ponytail I headed to the kitchen while he finished in the shower.  I got the coffee down making it the way I remember him showing me yesterday, then put the kettle on for Diana’s tea.    </p><p>Getting the cups down I had them all lined up on the bench when I heard the back door slide open and Diana come in.  </p><p>“Good morning,” I called over my shoulder.  “Tea won’t be long.” </p><p>“Looks like it was a very good morning,” Diana said. </p><p>Turning, I gave her quizzical look.  She gave a quick chuckle and said, “Good thing your hair’s grown as much as it has.” </p><p>I immediately put my hand up to my neck then put my head down, grinning and blushing.  “I don’t usually let him do it but he knows my hair covers them now.  He gets some sort of weird buzz out of ‘leaving his mark’ on me as he puts it.” </p><p>“I think they’re bloody awful personally,” she said.  “But no one needs to see them.” </p><p>“I hate them,” I said.  “But they feel so damn good when he does them.” </p><p>Diana sat straight-faced for a minute then dissolved into a fit of the giggles, “Used to work on me every time.” </p><p>And that’s how Tom found us, both in fits of the giggles over another thing we shared in common.   </p><p>“I don’t want to know do I?” he asked. </p><p>“No son, I don’t think you do,” Diana answered, sipping her tea with mischief still dancing in her blue eyes. </p><p>Handing Tom his coffee I sat and waited expectantly while he tasted it to see if I’d remembered what he showed me yesterday. </p><p>Taking a sip, he looked at me and said, “Mine’s still better but it’s a hell of an improvement on usual.” </p><p>“Thank you. I think,” I laughed.’ </p><p>Today is going to be a good day.  I can feel it.  There’s been a shift in my world and it’s all for the better.  My husband is the most amazing human being alive and he’s going to be around more often which means I get to stir him up, torment him, tease him, love him and count my lucky stars that of the billions of people in this world, he chose me to share his life with. </p><p>
  
</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>15.4 TIME'S GETTING AWAY FROM US</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“You coming in today Diana or do you want to stay here?” I asked my mother-in-law.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll only be gone for a couple of hours this morning mum so if you want to stay here, I can pick you up and take you in later or, if you want to go in now, I can bring you home later.  Or you can stay here, or at the shop.” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I might come with you Dil but I’ll bring a book and maybe disappear upstairs for a while then Tom, you can bring me back here later.  If that suits you of course.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you’d like is fine.  I really need to call mum this morning about Christmas and work out what we’re doing,” I told Tom.  “Should we decorate the house?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You at least have to have a tree up,” Diana said.  “Do you have one?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We do,” Tom answered, “and a mountain of lights and decorations.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we put the tree up tonight?” I suggested.  “We can put a Christmas movie on or play some Carols while we put it up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t feel like it’s almost Christmas to me,” Diana said. “The weather’s all wrong.  How do you do it?  Does it feel odd Tom?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It did at first but I suppose I’ve just gotten used to it,” he answered.  “It would be nice to have Christmas at home again though, I do miss it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn the air conditioner to as cold as it’ll go,” I told them both.  “I’ll sit outside with the dogs and enjoy summer while I can.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arriving at the shop, we let ourselves in to find that Savannah had arrived early and put the Christmas decorations up around the shop and had a small tree that had been very tastefully decorated with pink, silver and pastel green baubles.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks really good Sav.  You must have been here early.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that early really,” she replied.  “I just wanted to get it done.  I feel like time is getting away from us and we’re going to be caught completely unprepared.  Look, I know we were going to have a grand opening, but I’m putting those plans on hold.  We hadn’t advertised it or anything and to be honest, I’d rather wait until the Christmas/New Year period is over then do it.  Seems a bit silly to have a grand opening then close for a couple of weeks.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a really good idea actually.  I’m not ready for it and I’ve got so many other things I need to figure out and get done.  Which reminds me, I really need to call my mother.  Will you be right for a few minutes Sav?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Take your time,” she said.  “I’ll be ok.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I called mum to work out what was happening for Christmas but she told me they’d made plans to go to my Aunt’s place and as such, wouldn’t be home.  I know it’s probably horrible of me, but I was so relieved.  I really don’t think I could handle my family at the moment.  I love them all very dearly but they’re rather critical, egocentric and live in disorganised chaos.  I need organised chaos and friendly faces at the moment; I just don’t feel I could cope with them – I know, I’m a terrible person.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom came by just before lunchtime to pick Diana up and take her home but she decided to stay as Tom was trying to learn about the business and was questioning Savannah on how it all worked.  I was picking up bits and pieces just through watching Savannah and could now operate the register without hyperventilating...a big step for me! </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The afternoon progressed at a fairly steady pace and before I knew it was time to close up.  Saying our goodbyes to Savannah, we all headed home where we had dinner then Tom dragged the Christmas tree in while I found the lights and decorations.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to worry about seeing my family at Christmas babe, they’re going to my Aunts,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Diana, can we convince you to stay?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Dil, I love you both very dearly and appreciate the invitation, but I want to go home where the weather is normal and have Christmas with the girls - in winter - like it should be. Can I convince you to come back with me and spend Christmas in England?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled, “Thanks for the invitation but we have Savannah and Theresa’s wedding, plus the weather’s all wrong where you </span>
  <span>live; too</span>
  <span> damn cold.  Christmas is meant to be hot.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Diana looked at me with raised eyebrows then laughed, “Touchè.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Putting the tree up, we decorated it then strung the lights and turned them on as we sat back and had a wine congratulating ourselves on a job well done. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I really need to try and find time to get some Christmas shopping done, I’ve still got wedding rings to buy and need to talk to Elsa, plus we’ve got their ceremony coming quickly,” I said to Tom, “Savannah was right, time’s getting away.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I suggest you don’t worry about weekend trading?  I know you were only doing until 1 o’clock on Saturday at the moment, but why not close it for the weekend just for now?  Once the holiday period is over, you and Savannah can advertise for someone, have your grand opening and work out hours then.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I like the idea but you’ll need to convince Savannah.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave it with me,” he told me. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“When are we going up to The Bay?” Diana asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably Thursday so Sav’s going to be on her own.  We really need to get someone in that shop as soon as possible,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She ran it on her own before love, she’ll be fine,” Tom assured me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but it just doesn’t seem right.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We chatted about Christmas, Savannah and Theresa’s wedding and heading up to Byron Bay before Diana yawned and excused herself heading off to bed.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight my darlings,” she said, kissing us both on the cheek.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Diana, sleep well,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll walk you out,” Tom said.  “I need to lock up out here anyway.  I’ll be back in shortly love,” he told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>15 minutes later he came in and went to the office where he wrote the last of his thank you notes while I paid invoices and checked my emails, before we went to bed.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The next day was rather uneventful and we managed to convince Savannah to close the shop on Saturday.  She reluctantly agreed but made sure we knew that it wasn’t good business practice to close the shop whenever we felt like it and particularly at this time of year as lingerie was a very popular Christmas gift.  Feeling like a scolded child, I promised that come the new year we’d run proper hours and she could hire someone to help out, two people if she felt she needed to.  We did have a quick visit from Maggie, who seemed a little unsure as to whether she was welcome or not but we soon alleviated her fears.  She didn’t stay for very long but said she’d pop back in next week.  Personally, I think she needed to reassure herself that I was fine after what happened.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I rang the jeweler and </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span> to pay a visit late the next morning.  I would have preferred to do it early but we had the wrap party to attend and I know from past experience that we won’t be getting home early.  Diana was invited but begged off saying she was more than happy to stay home, watch some tv and read.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We drank, we danced, we laughed, we talked and I got dragged into a storeroom. I had to laugh when we came out and the set production assistant was standing outside the door, winked at me and turned to Tom as he pointed to the dance floor, “didn’t want to interrupt, but your wanted on set.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom turned to him, laughed and pulled him in for a hug, “You’ll go a long way in this business Sam, you’re a smart </span>
  <span>boy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom went round the room and thanked each and every person that had had anything to do with the series, calling them by name as he shook their hand or hugged them.  My mind boggled that he could remember them all.  I’m great with faces but absolutely useless with names.  Just after 1 </span>
  <span>a.m</span>
  <span> we said our goodbyes and our driver took us home.  It’s times like this I’m glad Diana has her own place outside and we don’t have to worry too much about being quiet.  Giggling like a couple of school kids we shushed each other as we danced up the hallway, not drunk but tipsy and feeling happy that we’d get to spend some decent time in a social setting together again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We woke the next morning feeling relatively good considering.  I always drink a sports drink before I go to bed if I’ve been drinking alcohol and seem to avoid a hangover, although I always wake with a raging thirst.  Heading to the kitchen to put coffee on, we were pleasantly surprised to find the coffee had been made, dogs fed and Diana was sitting nursing a cup of tea.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After a </span>
  <span>cuppa</span>
  <span> together and a chat about our plans for the day, I headed to get dressed so I could get to the jeweler and start shopping for wedding rings.  While I did that Tom and Diana were going to go and do some grocery shopping then have brunch; the plan being I’d join them.    </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Walking into the store, I looked around and spotted Kristine.  As I approached, she glanced up, smiled then looked back down then her head shot up again and she came out from behind the counter,  “</span>
  <span>Mrs</span>
  <span> Hiddleston,” she said taking my hand, “To what do I owe the pleasure?  How was your wedding by the way?  Did you end up getting everything done?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We had a wonderful day and please, call me Missy.  I’m after wedding bands actually,” I told her.  “My store manager and her </span>
  <span>fiance</span>
  <span> have been silly enough to turn their entire wedding over to me and a close friend to organise.  I’m up to this part.  I know what I want, and as with my own, I want simple.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go into the office?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Thanks,</span>
  <span> but I’ll be fine out here,” I said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled the trays out of the display cases and placed them on top of the counter for me to have a look at.  Discarding two trays immediately, I was looking at the third tray when I found what I wanted. Pointing them out to Kristine, I rummaged in my pocket for a piece of paper Savannah had given me with their ring sizes on it.  I handed the piece of paper to Kristine who pulled the rings out and sized them for me.  Both rings would need adjusting but she said they could be done by the end of the week.  Telling her the week after would be fine I </span>
  <span>finalised</span>
  <span> the purchase, said my goodbyes and headed back to the car where I called Tom.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey babe. I’m finished at the jewelers, where are you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We finished the groceries but decided to come back home and put them away.  Mum got things that need to be refrigerated.  Did you want to come back here then we can work out where to go?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Glancing at the time, I </span>
  <span>said, “</span>
  <span>Why don’t we just hold off for a half hour then go to the pub for lunch?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hang on love, I’ll just check with mum and see if that suits her.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I could hear the murmur of voices in the background then Tom came back, “Mum said the pub sounds great.  Maybe some of the boys will be there, she can meet them,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe they will.  I’ll head home and see you soon,” I said ringing off having a silent chuckle to myself about how excited he sounded at the thought of his mum meeting his friends.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. 16.1 A Happy Mum,  16.2 Ashes to Ashes, 16.3 The Phoenix Rises, 16.4 Moving On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>16.1 A HAPPY MUM</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Diana and I went to take a seat at the pub as Tom ordered our lunch then went to the bar where I was watching him as he ordered us a drink.  Disappearing from view, I wondered where he’d got to when he reappeared with Sticks in tow.   </p><p>After introducing Sticks to Diana, he placed our drinks on the table and invited Sticks to join us.  After a brief chat, our lunch was ready and Tom went with Diana to bring the plates to the table.  Sticks excused himself to go play pool with a few of the other boys who’d turned up and said to go join them for a game when we were finished eating. </p><p>We spent a few hours there taking turns to play pool; Diana and I teamed up once, then Tom and I teamed up.  We won some, we lost some, but really, we all came away winners as everyone had a great time with lots of laughter and friendly banter.  Diana checked the time and suggested we head home as we had Savannah and Theresa coming for dinner and she was very much looking forward to meeting Theresa. </p><p>We decided to just have an informal get together and barbecue (grill to some of you) steaks and chicken to have with salads.   Savannah and Theresa were due at 6pm leaving us about 45 minutes from when we got home to when they’d arrive.  Diana put the kettle on and made herself some tea while we sat and chatted about the boys she’d just met at the pub. </p><p>“They seem lovely,” she said to Tom.  “It’ obvious you enjoy their company.  Nice to see you making friends and getting out.” </p><p>“They’re a great bunch of guys.  They accepted both of us into their group the first time we went there.  It’s always just felt nice being with them, hasn’t it darling?” </p><p>“It has, and I really like the pub, like the atmosphere.  And they’re really protective of you which is good because you can relax.” </p><p>“It almost reminds me of the pubs back home,” Diana said.  “It’s just got that ‘homey’ feel about it, and the food‘s quite good too.” </p><p>“Are you all organised for Christmas Diana?  Done all your shopping?” I asked. </p><p>“Yes, I thought I’d best get organised early.  I’d like to try and do a little bit of shopping while I'm here but there’s no rush. I just want to get a couple of things I can’t get at home,” she said. </p><p>“We can always shoot up to the Gold Coast for shopping when we’re up at Chris and Elsa’s, it’s less than 90 minutes by car and they have great shopping up there.  Actually, I might do that myself.  Is that ok with you babe?” </p><p>“What’s that darling?” Tom asked looking up from something he was reading. </p><p>“We’re going to head up to the Gold Coast and go shopping when we go to The Bay.” </p><p>“Sounds like fun.  I remember riding those little motorised animals around one of the shopping malls up there when we did Kong.  It was hysterical.  I wonder if they still have them,” he pondered, fingers resting on his forehead. </p><p>“I remember seeing the photos of that,” Diana laughed.  “You look like your knees were up around your neck.” </p><p>“They were,” Tom chuckled. </p><p>We heard the intercom and Tom got up to buzz the girls in and waited at the door for them, ushering them through to the family room.   </p><p>After introducing Theresa and Diana, we organised drinks then headed outside to the barbecue area where we sat chatting.  Diana asked if they were excited about the wedding or nervous about what Elsa and I had planned and they answered honestly and said a mix of both.  Conversation flowed freely and the girls seemed quite comfortable and at ease.  Tom started cooking the meat and I went inside to get the salads.  Savannah followed me in, offering to help carry things out, which I gratefully accepted. </p><p>Tom was perfectly at ease surrounded by women, he’d always enjoyed working with women and treated them with respect, which said a lot about his upbringing. He made the girls laugh with some outrageous stories about different sets and locations he’d been on, as well as some hilarious stories about certain actors and actresses he’d worked with.  To his credit he didn’t mention names, but had the girls in stitches, even Diana sprayed her wine at one point, which set me off in hysterics.   </p><p>“What are you girls doing for Christmas?” Diana asked. </p><p>I was curious about what they were doing also as we hadn’t made any plans other than knowing that we’d been given a get out of jail free card with my family.   I know there’s an open invitation to head up to Byron Bay, and it was strong possibility that’s where we’d end up but nothing was set in stone yet. </p><p>“We usually catch up with Theresa’s family.  They’re not close at all but make an effort to get together each year for Christmas,” Savannah answered. </p><p>“You don’t want to invite them to the wedding?” I asked. </p><p>“Seriously, we’re not that close.  We all talk, but we lead our own lives and don’t interfere with each other. It’s easier this way because there are no expectations therefore no disappointments.  We have a great time at Christmas because we only see each other once a year.  If we saw each other all the time we’d probably end up all fighting.  By the end of Christmas Day, you can feel the tensions begin to rise.  It doesn’t work for everyone but it works for us,” Theresa said. </p><p>“At least you’re all on the same page.  No matter what I do I can’t win.  I’m always in trouble for one thing or another.  In saying that, my family were absolutely fantastic at our wedding, even if mum didn’t listen to a damn thing I said about keeping it quiet and not telling anyone.  They ended up shutting the town down for us,” I laughed.  “No way in and no way out because the local cop blocked the road thinking he was going to end up with a flotilla of international photographers landing on his doorstep.  It was the funniest thing especially as the only photographers present were my family on their digital cameras and phones.” </p><p>“It was funny, but it was also really lovely.  Your mum was pretty awesome through all of that darling,” Tom said. </p><p>“I know she was babe, but then two weeks later I may as well have not existed again.  My family are a little – eccentric,” I explained to the girls.  “They love me very much, as I do them, but we’re much closer when we’re apart, if that makes any sense at all.” </p><p>Theresa smiled and nodded, “It makes perfect sense.  That’s exactly what we’re like.  We’ll probably see if someone can take a few photos of the wedding and I’ll send some to my family and they’ll be happy with that.”      </p><p>“Darling, why don’t you do the photos for them?” Tom asked. </p><p>“Because my portraiture is terrible,” I answered. </p><p>“Rubbish.  Your landscapes are better admittedly, but you can still do portraits,” he said. </p><p>“Dil your photos are lovely,” Diana added.  </p><p>“Do you do photography?” Theresa asked. </p><p>“All those photos you saw hanging inside?” Tom said as Theresa nodded. “They’re hers.” </p><p>“Hold on please,” I said.  “There’s a big difference between taking landscapes and doing a wedding.” </p><p>“You’ve done weddings before,” Tom argued. </p><p>“For family!” I exclaimed. </p><p>Tom raised an eyebrow and smirked as I realised what I’d just said.  “Guess I’ll take be taking the camera then.” </p><p>“You’ll do the photos?” Savannah asked. </p><p>“If you trust me to, then yes.” </p><p>Theresa laughed, “We hadn’t budgeted for a photographer.  I figured someone would take a few on their phone so anything you do is going to be more than we expected.” </p><p>“Thanks Missy, we really do appreciate it,” Savannah said.  “The same as we really appreciate you having us over tonight, but I think we might head home if you don’t mind.” </p><p>“Of course we don’t mind.  As Tom just reminded me, you’re family.  We don’t stand too much on ceremony with family, come and go as you please really.” </p><p>Diana stood and hugged both the girls, “It’s been a pleasure meeting you Theresa.  Savannah, I’ll probably see you on Monday.” </p><p>Tom and I walked them out, said our goodbyes then headed back in to do a quick tidy up.  Diana excused herself and headed off to bed with the promise of cooking breakfast for us in the morning but “not too early Dil, I know you won’t eat.” </p><p>Tom and I went to bed and, as we were laying there, I knew I had to do something I’d been putting off.   </p><p>“Will you sit me with tomorrow while I go through my medical records?” I asked. </p><p>He pulled me close, kissed my forehead and said, “I’ll hold your hand through every line.  I won’t leave your side, I promise.” </p><p>Nodding, I snuggled against his chest and listened as his breathing changed and his snuffles became gentle snores.   </p><p>For me, sleep was a long time coming. </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>16.2 ASHES TO ASHES</strong>
</p><p> woke up the next morning to find her laying on her back staring at the ceiling. </p><p>“Did you sleep?” I asked. </p><p>“Yes,” she replied as I held her face and turned her towards me, raising my eyebrows.  She continued, “Some. Ok, no not really.  I dozed on and off.  I almost got up and went to get the stupid report but couldn’t bring myself to do it.” </p><p>Pulling her close, I wrapped my arms around her and held her for a few minutes, “How about we get up and just get it over with? That way you’re not going to be thinking about it and dreading it all day?”  </p><p>“You’re not going to leave me while I read it?” she asked. </p><p>“Not for a second.” </p><p>“I know you’ve read it, is it...is it bad?” she asked. </p><p>“It’s not pleasant reading let’s put it that way,” I answered.  “I’m not going to lie to you darling, it’s going to be hard but I’m here, and mum’s here if you need her.” </p><p>Nodding, she pulled away, got up and went to the bathroom.  Coming out a short time later, she’d pulled her hair back and washed her face.  Getting up, I went to the bathroom and when I came out, she was standing at the closet staring in at her clothes.   </p><p>“Looking for anything in particular?” I asked walking up behind her, placing my hands on her shoulders. </p><p>“My sanity,” she answered deadpan.   </p><p>Turning her around to face me, I tilted her head so she was looking at me.  “You’re not insane.  Ok, you’re not society’s idea of normal, but you’re not insane.  Your other personality is insane; not you.  I love you just the way you are.  I know you’re not looking forward to this but I really think you need to do it so you can put everything behind you.  I’m looking at our weekend at The Bay as a fresh start.  You’ve always said the ocean cleanses your soul, so we stand together arm in arm and let the ocean work its magic and come home having left it all behind. I need you to do this, I need to be able to move on.  I’m trying hard to be patient and understanding, I really am, but I need to be able to move on.  I don’t want to make this about me, but I need this to be done with.  So do you.” </p><p>As soon as I said the words, ‘I need you to do this’ I could see the change in her, could see the resolve to do this and have it over.  And it’s the truth, I do need it done.  I need my wife back.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll support her for as long as it takes her to deal with it all, I'd never intentionally put pressure on her if she wasn’t really ready, but I know she’s ready.  Psychologically she’s in a pretty good place, which she’s going to need to be reading this, and if she needs Michelle, she’s only ever a phone call away. </p><p>Pulling on jeans and a t-shirt, we headed to the office where I opened the safe and handed her the thick yellow envelope.  She took it from me and stared at it before handing it back to me and walking out.  Following her out to the kitchen I placed the envelope on the bench then walked over to where she was making coffee and put my hand on her shoulder. </p><p>“Don’t,” she said, shrugging my hand off. </p><p>Sighing heavily, I grabbed her arms and pinned them by her side and turned her towards me.  </p><p>“Thomas William Hiddleston, let that girl go. NOW,” came the voice from the door. </p><p>“It’s not what it lo...” </p><p>“I said, let her go. Now.” </p><p>“It’s ok Diana, he’s not hurting me.  He’s just frustrated and risking his life at the moment because he’s in my face and I haven’t had coffee.” Then she turned to me.  “I need coffee then I’ll look.  I promise.  But I can’t do without coffee.” </p><p>“Are you sure you’re ok Dil,” mum said coming up to stand near her, glaring daggers at me. </p><p>“I’m fine, honestly.  I know he’d never hurt me,” she said, looking at me as she spoke.   </p><p>Mum moved to put the kettle on and we stood looking at each other, breathing heavily.   </p><p>“I’m sorry,” I said.  “I had no right to do that.” </p><p>“No, you didn’t but I<em>  am </em> going to look at them babe, I just need coffee.” </p><p>… </p><p>Sitting on the couch, empty coffee cup on the table in front of her, she had her legs thrown over mine as she picked up the envelope. </p><p>Mum stood, “I’ll leave you to it.  You know where I am if you need me.” </p><p>“I want you to stay Diana.  Please stay.  I don’t know how this is going to go down and I’m scared.” </p><p>“We’re both here for you darling,” I told her as I rubbed her leg.  I knew what that envelope contained and it wasn’t a pleasant read.  </p><p>Mum sat back down, not quite sure what she should do as the envelope was opened and she took the thick wad of papers out. </p><p>“So many sheets of paper,” she shuddered. </p><p>“It goes back all the way to when you were a child,” I told her.   </p><p>Slowly she started reading, smile on her face as she remembered little things, “Oh, I remember that.  I had so many spots it was hard to see skin in between them,” she laughed as she read about when she had chicken pox.   </p><p>The first few pages were nothing more than childhood illnesses, bumps, scrapes and bruises. “Oh I remember that night,” she commented.  “I went to get a drink and woke up in hospital.  That was when we found out I had the kidney trouble.”   </p><p>Reading on further I watched her face change.  She handed me each sheet of paper as she finished reading it before moving on to the next.  I could see what she was reading and knew it was about to get very real for her.  Eyes scanning the page in front of her, she started to gnaw on the side of her thumb, a nervous habit that had taken years to break and less than 3 minutes to re-emerge. </p><p>Another page handed to me, then as her eyes scanned the page in front of me, she moved her legs off mine sat bolt upright and scooched forward so her butt was just balanced on the edge of the seat.  Eyes scanned a few more lines, then she threw the paper and ran.  Mum looked startled and jumped up, “Where’s she going? Is she ok?”  </p><p>“She will be.  I’ll be back in just a minute,” I said. </p><p>Heading in the direction of the family bathroom, I could hear her vomiting as I approached. </p><p>“Are you alright love?” I asked. </p><p>“No, I’m not ok,” she replied. I could hear her gargling then water going down the sink. </p><p>  “I don’t understand how one person can do that to another.  Well, it explains all the little scars,” she said.  “No wonder I have a deadset hate for cigarettes.” </p><p>“You right to keep going?” I asked. </p><p>Nodding, she walked in front of me back to the family room.  Walking in we found mum, tears streaming down her face, the medical report in her hands. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said.  “I needed to know.” </p><p>“It’s ok Diana, I was going to give it to you to read anyway.  Might as well know the few remaining missing bits.  Just promise me you won’t hate me,” she said to the woman who had pretty much adopted her as her own. </p><p>“Never darling.  Never.  This is horrific,” Mum said as she handed the papers back.  “Broken bones, burns, scalds, cuts, my God the list just goes on and on.” </p><p>My darling wife broke down a couple of times but the one that absolutely shattered her was when she read about the damage that had been done to her reproductive parts.   </p><p>Looking up at me she held the paper out and pointed at a certain section, ‘Irreparable damage,’ the report read.   </p><p>“So we can never have children?  I know it’s not something we’ve ever really worried about or stressed over; it’s always been if it happens, it happens. Is this why you’ve always felt that way?” she asked me.   </p><p>“Before you get yourself completely worked up,” I said to her.  “It doesn’t say you <em> can’t </em> have children.” </p><p>“It says it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to carry a child,” she said and burst into tears.  Mum and I looked at each other feeling helpless.  Maybe this was a mistake.  Maybe I shouldn’t have insisted she read the bloody thing.   </p><p>“But not impossible,” Mum said.  “Dil, medicine has come a long way in the last 15 years.  Don’t give up hope.  I wasn’t aware that you really wanted kids.” </p><p>“We’ve always said if it happens it happens and if not, then so be it.  But that was before I knew this.  Now I know why you were never worried about it not happening,” she said looking at me accusingly.  </p><p>“Darling, I...”  she held her hand up, silencing me as she picked up the sheet of paper and began reading again.  And once again she threw the paper and ran for the bathroom.  Picking up the piece of paper I looked and nodded.  The Dark Angel had made her appearance. Realising now I'd made a massive mistake but knowing it was too late to turn back, I did the only thing I could think of.  I called her psychologist. </p><p>“Michelle? Tom Hiddleston.  I apologise profusely for calling you on the weekend but I’ve just messed up monumentally and need help.”  Explaining what had happened, Michelle calmed me down saying it wasn’t the end of the world and asked if it would be ok for her to come here.  She thought a face to face would be better than a phone session.  I agreed immediately. </p><p>Half an hour later with the three of us, Mum, Michelle and me, sitting with her for support she finished reading her life on paper.  Looking up through tear filled eyes, she handed me the last piece of paper which I passed along to mum, then clasped her hands in her lap.  </p><p>“Could we have a few minutes?” Michelle asked. </p><p>“Of course” Mum and I said as we stood. </p><p>“No,” she said to Michelle.  “I want them here.  This affects all of us.  I want them here so we can sort through this once and for all.” </p><p>Three hours later Michelle was satisfied that we’d worked through it, and as she said, Missy knew a lot of it, she’d just buried it so deep she could pretend it didn’t happen.  Seeing it in black and white meant she couldn’t ignore it anymore and had to deal with it.  I didn’t do the right thing, but I didn’t do the wrong thing either.  Michelle said ideally, she would have liked it to have happened in a slightly more controlled environment but what was done was done and we’d actually come through it relatively unscathed.  We talked, she cried, she vomited again but Michelle said that was ok.  The main thing was that we addressed everything, leaving no stone unturned.  </p><p>After thanking Michelle and apologising again I said I’d walk her to the door.  Just before she left, she turned and said, “I’m a phone call away if you need me, but to be honest, I think you’re going to be fine.  You knew most of what was in there, you just shut it out.” </p><p>“Thanks Michelle.  Diana, would you mind walking with Tom and just giving me a few minutes?” she asked.   </p><p>“Of course Dil,” mum said getting up to follow us. </p><p>Saying goodbye to Michelle at the door, we slowly made our way back to the family room to find it empty. </p><p>Mum looked worried as she looked around.  “Where’d she go?” </p><p>“I’m not sure,” I said.  “Just sit tight and I’ll have a look.  She might be in the bedroom.” </p><p>Searching the house, I came up empty so the next logical step was outside.  Sure enough, there she was sitting cross legged on the ground with the fire pit in front of her, screwing up each page of her medical report and throwing it on the fire.  Quietly sitting down beside her, I held my hand out and she passed me a piece of paper that I scrunched up and threw in the flames.  It wasn’t long before mum came out to see what was going on.  She stood silently by as we scrunched every piece of paper and burnt it so there was nothing but ash.  </p><p>Walking over to us, mum put her hands down to both of us.  We each held a hand and mum tugged us up.  As we stood, both my wife and I, without having planned it, looked at each other and said, “And out of the ashes the phoenix rises.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</p><p>
  <strong>16.3 THE PHOENIX RISES</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Wow, what a day!   </p><p>I’m still feeling a bit numb, but I feel really good too.  Does that make any sense?  I’m not sure - it makes sense in my head.  They were right; it was there, a lot of it.  I just didn’t want to remember.  I’m not glad Tom did what he did, but I'm relieved.  I know he scared himself.  Scared me too if I’m being honest.  But anyway, it’s over.  I’ve read it all, I've dealt with it thanks to Michelle, Tom and Diana and I’m at peace with it.  Michelle was right, I’m going to be fine.  I’m a survivor.  If I could survive actually living it, being put through it, you can bet your ass I can survive it now.  Back then I had no one, I was on my own, I only had myself to rely on.  Now, I have these two wonderful people by my side every step of the way.  I have Savannah and I have my work.  I’ve got this.  I’m so happy that Tom and I were able to sit, side by side and burn my past beyond recognition.  Clearly, we’d both been thinking of the same thing.  From the ashes the phoenix rises...I <em> am </em> the phoenix and I’ll never burn for anyone ever again. </p><p>The only thing I still really need to come to terms with is the fact that I may never be able to give Tom a child.  In all honesty, having a child was neither here nor there for me.  If it happened, I’d have been thrilled and would have loved it, but if it didn’t happen it wouldn’t be the end of the world.  I have trouble looking after me sometimes, I’m not sure how I’d go looking after a child.  Not that I’d ever have to worry because I know Tom would step in and take care of things.  And, I have a feeling that I’m going to do a lot better now.  I’m always going to have problems, there’s not getting away from it, but I think I’m better equipped to deal with them now. </p><p>I’m about to go out the back, scoop the few remaining ashes out of the fire pit and let the wind blow them away.  I don’t want any part of that report left.  </p><p>“Coming?” I asked Tom as I reached the back door. </p><p>“Where are we going and what are we doing?” he asked following me through the door. </p><p>“Out the back to scoop the last of the ashes out and let the wind blow them away,” I said. </p><p>“Right behind you,” he said.   </p><p>I scooped the ashes into my hands and threw them up into the strong breeze that was blowing and gave a satisfied nod as they were picked up and blown away. </p><p>Dusting my hands, I turned to Tom with a smile, “It’s done.” </p><p>…. </p><p>Diana spent the rest of the evening hovering while trying to appear that she wasn’t hovering – like mother, like son.  I could certainly see where Tom gets it from.  Finally, it got the better of her and she had to say something. </p><p>“Dil, I was thinking, maybe it might be a good idea if you don’t go into the shop tomorrow, or maybe go in later.” </p><p>“Why would I do that?” I asked giving Tom a little wink. </p><p>“Well, you’ve had a pretty rough day darling and you didn’t really get to have much of a weekend what with chasing around after wedding rings then the afternoon out at the pub, dinner last night, you’ve been through the wringer today and I just thought, maybe you should actually take some time for yourself.  I can go in to the shop with Savannah, I don’t know what I can do but I can be there for moral support,” Diana said. </p><p>“I can just see you upstairs doing your best sales pitch mum,” Tom said.   </p><p>“Don’t you sass me son,” Diana said.  “I know a thing or two about the function of vib...” </p><p>“...and I don’t need to know about it, but thanks for letting me know.  Now I can’t unhear what I’ve heard,” Tom grumbled. </p><p>“It’s ok Diana.  Tom called Sav a while back and told her we wouldn’t be in until later.  He didn’t go into detail but gave her a brief rundown.  Thank you for offering though.” </p><p>We spent a lazy evening in front of the tv, ordered in pizza and generally just took it easy.  I kept dozing off against Tom from a combination of not sleeping last night and emotional exhaustion.  I was ready for bed but tried hard to stay awake to spend time together as a family. </p><p>Finally admitting defeat I looked at Tom and said, “I can’t stay awake sorry.  I’m going to head to bed.  See you in the morning Diana.  Babe, see you when you come in.” </p><p>“I might actually go to bed myself,” Diana said.  “I don’t know if it’s the heat or not but I seem to be quite lethargic.” </p><p>“Not hot yet,” I told Diana.  “Just starting to warm up.” </p><p>“I don’t know how you do it,” she told me.  “But then again, you probably wonder how we do our weather.  Goodnight my darlings, I’ll see you in the morning.” </p><p>“You coming in babe?” I asked as I headed up the hallway towards our bedroom. </p><p>“I’ll be in soon,” he said.  “Just going to watch the last 10 minutes of this,” he called after me.  This being A Life On Our Planet, an Attenborough documentary. </p><p>I’m not sure what time Tom came into bed; I think I fell asleep as my head hit the pillow.  I know when I woke up the next morning, I was playing big spoon and he was little spoon.  </p><p>Trying not to wake him, I moved back a little and went to take my arm from around him when his hand covered mine and he asked, “And where do you think you’re going?” </p><p>“I didn’t mean to wake you sorry,” I said. </p><p>“You didn’t.  I’ve been awake for a while but you were still sleeping.  At least this time my arm didn’t go to sleep,” he chuckled as he rolled over to face me.  “I trust you slept well?” </p><p>“I must have done.  I don’t even remember you coming into bed.” </p><p>“I came in not quite 10 minutes after you and you were already asleep, curled up in a little ball hugging your pillow.  I know you’ve only just woken up love, but how are you feeling?” </p><p>“I feel fine,” I answered. </p><p>Looking into his doubtful face, I smiled.  “Honestly.  I feel fine.  I’m going to call Michelle later, just for a quick chat.  Phoenix from the ashes remember?” I asked.   </p><p>“I remember.  I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.” </p><p>“What are your plans for the day?” I asked him. </p><p>“I don’t really have much on.  Just want to run a couple of errands.  Thought I might spend some time with mum.  I feel I've been horribly neglectful since she got here,” he told me. </p><p>“Yes, can’t say it’s been a lot of fun for her with me being at the shop all the time either.  The timing really sucked on this trip.” </p><p>“She doesn’t mind.  She’s actually quite enjoying being at the shop.  She said it will make it easier for her to be able to imagine what you’re up to once she’s gone home.” </p><p>“Oh, she’s so sweet,” I told him.  “Ok, I’m getting up.” </p><p>Throwing back the covers I went to get up when he grabbed me and pulled me back.  Turning towards him, I smiled as he looked up at me, pulled me down and kissed me lightly on the lips then said, “don’t mess up the coffee.” </p><p>Laughing as I got out of bed, I used the bathroom then headed to the kitchen where I started making coffee, tempted to mess it up just for the hell of it but realising I’d be drinking it too.  Once the coffee was on, I put water in the kettle and put it on to boil for Diana. </p><p>Tom came in the kitchen and cuddled me from behind as Diana walked in the door.  “Good morning my darlings,” she greeted, taking a seat at the breakfast bar. </p><p>Bobby and Paddy were letting us know that their breakfast was 30 seconds late and they were none to impressed about it so Tom went to feed them while I made the tea and poured the coffee. </p><p>Once the boys were fed, we had our cuppa and discussed plans for the morning.  Tom and Diana wanted to go to some stores that were a couple of suburbs over so I decided I’d head into the shop after assuring them both I was fine.   </p><p>“You’ll both be back to check up me anyway,” I reasoned as I went to get dressed. </p><p>They dropped me off with the promise of returning once they’d finished doing their shopping and bringing some lunch for us.   </p><p>Looking at Tom, I said, “Well, if you want lunch as a family again, you can tell Savannah you’re closing the shop.  I've been through enough crap for now and I'm not getting my head chewed off.” <br/>
 </p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>16.4 MOVING ON</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were taking the morning off,” Savannah said as I walked through the door.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to but Tom and Diana are running some errands, although personally I think it’s Christmas shopping as I wasn’t invited, and I didn’t want to stay home alone, so figured I’d come in.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?  Tom didn’t go into detail but said something about going through your medical records.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Read it, burnt it, threw the ashes to the wind,” I told her.  “The past is exactly that, the past.  Time to start the rest of my life.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Burnt it?” Savannah asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom and I sat side by side, with his mother standing nearby, and we took my medical record, every remark, wound, injury, illness, sheet by sheet and threw it in the fire pit burning it beyond recognition, then I scooped the ashes out of the fire pit and threw them into the wind.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds liberating,” Savannah said.  “I’d love to be able to get my records from the department and erase all the crap I went through at the hands of my foster families.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>So</span>
  <span> get a piece of paper, write down all the shitty things that happened to you and burn it.  It’s not your official record but it’s still torching the past.  My medical record still exists, that was just a copy, but it gave me the closure I needed to be able to finally put it all behind me.  I can truthfully say I feel cleansed.  We’re using this coming weekend at The Bay to turn the key in the lock and ensure it stays locked away forever.  Tom wants us to go stand in the ocean and let it work its magic.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe Theresa and I could do the same.  We’ll be up there the day before the wedding so maybe I’ll take a leaf out of your book and start the next phase of my life in the same way.  Burn the past, cleanse and begin anew,” Savannah said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do it.  What have you got to lose?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and Diana came by, bringing lunch with them.  Savannah was about to refuse to close for lunch when I gave her an eyebrow raise and mumbled something about new beginnings and looking after her.  She considered it for a moment then agreed to close for 30 minutes.  By the end of that time Tom and Diana had convinced her to change the opening hours of the shop to allow for a meal break for herself, just until she’d hired someone to help her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Maggie called in not long after lunch asking if it would be possible to order a certain type of bra for her from a company we hadn’t been buying from.  Savannah started looking them up on the computer with Maggie by her side, both chatting away about being bigger breasted and how they recommended certain types of bras for bigger or smaller breasted women and then onto different styles Maggie used to stock when she had the store. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and I were both watching the two of them together, how easy they were with each other, and listening to the combined knowledge the two shared.  To some it might seem like you’re just selling lacy undies but there’s a science behind fitting bras correctly and being able to recommend flattering styles of underwear depending on body shape.  We looked up at each other, obviously thinking the same thing.  Tom discreetly pointed to the stairs and nodded his head, indicating he wanted me to follow.  Quietly slipping away, we left Savannah and Maggie chatting, totally oblivious to the fact that we’d left the room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Diana was in the staff room so we moved over to the naughty knickers area then Tom turned to me and said, “I believe we may have been thinking along the same lines.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a lot of knowledge there,” I answered.  “And they’ve both done it on their own so they know what to expect.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s true darling however, I need to know how you’d feel having Maggie here.  Before you jump in and answer that you’re fine with it, I want you to really think about it.  We’re trying to leave everything from the past behind.  Do you really want that reminder each time you see Maggie knowing who she is?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to be honest, the thought of hiring Maggie crossed my mind last week when she was here but I wasn’t sure how </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’d</span>
  </em>
  <span> feel about it.  I’m fine with it because I didn’t know Maggie back then, didn’t know of her until the day I found out who Skye was, that day here.  Maggie really has nothing to do with my past.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t say I’m 100% comfortable with her being here, but not because of me.  I just worry that it will come back to haunt you but I see the sense in having her here for Savannah.  She’s someone that knows the business, obviously knows what she’s talking about regarding product and seems to genuinely want the business to succeed.  If you truly believe that you’ll be ok with her here then I’d be happy to have her aboard.  But, if there’s any doubt at all on your part, or if at any point I see it affecting you, then she goes.  You’ve fought too long and too hard to take a backwards step, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’ve</span>
  </em>
  <span> fought too long and too hard to go backwards,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not taking a backwards step and, if at any point I find I’m having negative feelings or thoughts regarding her being here, I’ll say something, I promise.  But as I just said, she has nothing to do with my past, she didn’t know me back then, she didn’t even know </span>
  <em>
    <span>of</span>
  </em>
  <span> me.  She’s as much a victim of circumstance as I am.  She seems like a genuinely lovely person.  She didn’t have to come back here and explain about Skye, yet she did.  I trust her, I like her and, in all </span>
  <span>honesty,</span>
  <span> I think she’s going to be really good for Savannah.  You’ve seen them together.  Savannah’s had a pretty rough life, no mother to speak of and Maggie’s life hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park.  In time, I think a relationship could develop that would benefit both of them.  And I have a feeling she could be good for me in the long run.  She seems compassionate, warm and caring, and I like her,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She does seem lovely and Mum said she got a good feeling about her too,” he said as Diana came wandering out of the staff area.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do I have a good feeling about?” Diana asked smiling at both of us.  “I’m not </span>
  <span>interrupting,</span>
  <span> am I?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all,” I answered.  “We were just discussing the </span>
  <span>possibility</span>
  <span> of having Maggie work here and Tom said you got a good feeling from her.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I do actually.  I think she’s a kind and caring woman who, through no fault of her own, has had a bit of a rough time.   I’m only an outsider, but from the couple of times I've seen her and Savannah together they seem drawn to each other.  I think there’s the possibility of a very </span>
  <span>beneficial</span>
  <span> relationship developing there, and I think she could be good for you too Dil.  I’m not sure how knowledgeable she is, but I’m assuming as she owned the place once upon a time, she’d know what she was talking about.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We were just listening to her and Savannah chatting together downstairs and both had the same thought so came up here to talk.  They’re both very knowledgeable, and this one here,” Tom said nodding his head at me, “seems to think the same about the potential relationship between them too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Savannah grew up without a caring mother figure.  We heard Maggie’s story.  I’ve seen them together, you’ve both seen them together; they’re drawn to one another.  I don’t want to tread on Savannah’s toes because I’ve told her it’s up to her to find someone she wants to hire.  I’ll see if she mentions anything this afternoon, if not, I’ll start working on her but making it look like her idea</span>
  <span>,” I</span>
  <span> said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just tell her outright,” Diana said.  “I don’t have to be subtle, it’s not my business.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just hold off first Mum.  See how this afternoon goes.  Anyway darling, we’ll head off and leave you to it,” Tom said as he kissed me.  “See you at home later.  What did you want for dinner?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing too heavy,” I replied.  “I’ll leave it up to you.  See you both at home.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Having seen them </span>
  <span>out, I</span>
  <span> turned back to Savannah, “Get everything sorted with Maggie?  Did you find what she wanted?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, she’ll come back later in the week and pick it up.  She knows her stuff, I’ve asked her if I can pick her brain for information when she’s got time.  I feel for her; she really misses it, misses helping the customers, misses having something to do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You two seem to have hit it off,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s really lovely, I really like her.  A lot.  I know it’s probably a bit strange for you...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I stopped her, “Sav, she’s not part of my past.  I told Tom the same thing.  She knew nothing of me, I didn’t know her. She didn’t have to come back and tell us about Skye but she told us anyway, her own granddaughter.  She’s as much a victim of circumstance as I am.  I have no issue with her at all and told Tom the same.  She seems like a lovely, kind, caring woman and if you’re comfortable with her here than that’s fine.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah nodded and went about her business, serving customers then came back to me later in the day.  “So, I was wondering what Tom thought of Maggie?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He likes her, he had a couple of concerns about her but we’ve addressed them.  Sav, Tom and I’ve already talked it over.  If you want to hire her, you have our blessing.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously? You don’t mind?” she asked, looking almost too scared to get her hopes up.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing at Savannah’s reaction, I said, “Seriously.  We don’t mind.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. 17.1 Off to The Bay, 17.2 The First Day Of The Rest Of Our Lives, 17.3 The Distraction, 17.4 New and Renew</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>17.1 OFF TO THE BAY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Savannah looked up Maggie’s number on the order she’d placed and gave her a call.  5 minutes later, grinning like a Cheshire cat, she came back to tell me Maggie had accepted the job.  They’d yet to work out hours but I told Savannah whatever worked for her was fine by me.  We finished serving the last of the customers, did a quick tidy up and headed home. </p><p>At home, I told Tom that Maggie had been hired and that I was actually feeling quite relieved because it meant the pressure was off me to be there...pressure I had put on myself because, as Tom reminded me, Savannah was perfectly capable of running the shop on her own.  I disagreed saying that she’d been fine under the previous owner but even he had to admit, things had been busier than we’d anticipated. </p><p>The next couple of days passed by without incident.  Maggie was hired and given a quick refresher course by Savannah, and we sat down, just the three of us while Savannah told her what the expectations were.  She was fine with everything Savannah said and thanked me for employing her.  I had a chuckle and told her that, while I foot the wages bill, Savannah was the one she answered to.  They both knew we were heading up to The Bay and told me to have a relaxing weekend and not to worry about the shop as they had it under control.  I believed them and had no problems at all in leaving them to it. </p><p>At home we started packing what we’d need for the trip to Chris and Elsa’s.  I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting up there.  It’ll be the first time we’ve been back since our surprise engagement.  So much has happened in a few short months, it almost feels like years in some ways.  Anyway, I’m really looking forward to seeing them renew their vows.  I’m also looking forward to spending some time with Tom and Diana away from here.  I love here and I love having the shop, but I’m really looking forward to some time away.  We’ll get back and have Christmas right on top of us, and we’ll have to say goodbye to Diana soon, I swear it feels like she just got here.  Hopefully she’ll spend some time with us again soon, I’d love to have her with us permanently.  That reminds me, she brought something with her for me and I need to get it without her nosey son finding out. </p><p>Heading into the living room having finished packing, I found her sitting with the dogs, telling them about the car trip. </p><p>“I’m glad you’re here,” I said.  “While Tom’s busy packing can I possibly get those things you brought from home?  I need to hide them before he comes snooping.” </p><p>“He always was a curious boy,” she laughed.   </p><p>“He’s not curious, he’s a bloody snoop.  Has to know everything,” I replied. </p><p>“I used to have a terrible time hiding his Christmas presents,” she remembered as we went out to the granny flat.   </p><p>“I have the same problem now,” I laughed.  “I’m hiding this among my art supplies in the hope it’s a safe place,” I told her, holding up the package she’d handed me.  </p><p>“I can’t wait to see it when you finish it,” she told me as she followed me and watched me hide it amongst all my canvases.  “We’ll have to video chat at some point over Christmas, when you’ve got time.” </p><p>Walking out of the shed, I turned to the woman I loved as much as I loved my own mother, “I wish you didn’t have to go.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and have us living in the same place.” </p><p>“I know you do Dil but just think how much more special our time together is because of the distance.” </p><p>“It is special isn’t it?  I just know that you’ll be leaving not long after we got back and you only just got here and Tom misses you so much when you’re not here even though he puts on a brave face, then I feel guilty because he’s not with you but I know I can’t live over there because I end up a head case and it’s so stupid because my family wouldn’t give a damn whether I lived in the country or not whereas you guys all wish you could be together and...” </p><p>“Dil, breathe,” Diana said.  “Calm down darling.  It’s ok.  You know we’re only ever a video call away.  I know Tom misses us, as we do him, but he’s a big boy now darling and he’s chosen to live his life here, with you. It’s his choice to do that and you shouldn’t be feeling guilty.  Between his trips home and my trips here, we see each other quite a bit really.” </p><p>“Everything ok?” Tom asked. </p><p>“Everything’s fine darling,” Diana answered. </p><p>“All good,” I chipped in.  “I’m just going to go get the blankets to line the dog crates.” </p><p>As I walked away, I heard Tom say to his mother, “You handled that really well.”  Then Diana responded but I didn’t hear what she said.  She did do well, because I could feel myself getting short of breath, my heart starting to race and that horrible sense of impending doom but she calmed me down before it got too far.  See, I need her here, I think she should just stay.   </p><p>Ready at last, dogs loaded into the car in their crates, bags loaded, we were off.  We thought about flying up but it meant putting the boys in a boarding kennel and we don’t really like doing that unless we absolutely have to, so decided to drive instead.  Tom would do a couple of hours, then I’d take over for a couple and we’d switch until we got there.  Hopefully we’d only need to make one stop and should get there late afternoon. </p><p>… </p><p>We made great time and arrived a little earlier than we thought. Amid hugs and kisses, we unloaded Bobby and Paddy who wanted in on the action too and did that funny little bum wobble, sideways walk thing that dogs do, bringing many laughs and ear scratches for them, India in particular loved Bobby and he loved taking advantage of it.  Tristan and Sasha were happy to play with the slightly more boisterous Paddy with their dog Sunny running around in circles as he greeted his old friends.  Grabbing our bags, we headed inside and went to our respective rooms where we freshened up, deciding to leave the unpacking until later. </p><p>It was reasonably quiet with only Chris, Elsa and their children here at the moment.  Diana had excused herself for half an hour and was resting while the four of us caught up.  Chris and Tom were deep in discussion about their work as Chris was just about to start filming on his latest project, the sequel to an action film he did last year.  Elsa and I caught up on family gossip then she asked how things were with the shop and the wedding.  I told her Savannah had hired Maggie then told her I’d fill her in on the relationship another time as I didn’t want to dredge all that crap up on a happy occasion.  I filled her in on where I was at with Savannah and Theresa’s wedding and asked how she was feeling about her own upcoming ceremony. </p><p>“No pressure this time,” she laughed.  “We can just relax and enjoy, although we did that with the first one anyway.  I don’t know, this just feels nice.  Hopefully you and Tom can do something like this for your 10th.  This is your first time back since the engagement isn’t it?” </p><p>“Sure is and I’m glad to say I can’t be pressured into anything this time,” I said. </p><p>“They’ll start in with you having kids now,” she laughed. </p><p>I felt like a knife had been twisted in my chest but I just laughed along and mumbled something about timing and work. </p><p>Tom must have heard part of what was said because he reached over and took my hand, giving it a squeeze, raising his eyebrows questioning whether I was ok.  Smiling, I gave a slight nod and he turned his attention back to Chris who stopped mid sentence. </p><p>“Everything alright guys?  I’m not always the sharpest tool in the shed but that was a definite moment.” </p><p>Tom looked at me with a questioning look and I just shrugged.   </p><p>Taking a breath, he turned to his oldest friend, (in this country) and explained that I’d just found out I may not be able to have children. </p><p>“Is that anything to do with what happened to you before you were with Tom?” Chris asked. </p><p>I nodded. </p><p>“That’s a real shitty thing to have to deal with.  I’m really sorry to hear that guys.” </p><p>“Oh God Missy, I feel terrible now,” Elsa said. </p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “You weren’t to know.” </p><p>“How do you feel about it?” she asked. </p><p>“Honestly? Before I found out I probably couldn’t have kids, I didn’t really care whether we had them or not.  But now that I know I probably can’t, it’s weighing really heavy on my mind that Tom might never be a daddy.  I know how much he loves kids, and feel it would be unfair of me to deny him the chance to have them,” I replied, looking at Tom as I answered. </p><p>At that point Diana came out and Chris’s parents arrived and we spent the next few minutes catching up with them before they offered to have Diana at their place if she wanted to stay with them as it might be a little quieter there than here.  It was only a small get together but they weren’t the quietest people in the world, especially when you added a couple of friends and alcohol.  Craig and Leonie were only 5 minutes away and had a car Diana could use if she wanted to.  We could see she was keen to do it but didn’t want to offend anyone.  It was Chris that convinced her in the end telling her the room she’d be in with Leonie and Craig was literally overlooking the ocean and she’d hear it lulling her to sleep at night.  You can hear the ocean from Chris and Elsa’s place as well but not like at Craig and Leonie’s, which technically is Chris’s.  They bought it to live in while they built this place, then when they moved in here, Craig and Leonie moved in there....and that’s just given me a brilliant idea. </p><p>“Would you excuse us for just a minute.  I just need to talk to Tom about something before I forget.” </p><p>“Of course, you know to treat this place like home.  We do when we’re at yours,” Chris laughed. </p><p>Taking Tom to our room, I turned to him. “I was just thinking about how Craig and Leonie live in Chris’s old house and it got me to thinking about my house.” </p><p>“What about it love, it’s not like we can give it to Mum,” he laughed. </p><p>“No, but the tenant is leaving in a month, second week of January I think it is.  Anyway, I was thinking, Savannah and Theresa are saving to buy a house,  what if I ask them to move in and caretake my place for a year, rent free of course, give them a chance to save for their house and know that my place is being looked after? I know it’s a little further to travel for work, but it’s not that far.” </p><p>Tom and I had both opted to keep the houses we had when we first met, mine here, his in England.  I couldn’t bring myself to part with it because it’s where I lived when we first got together - and it was mine, something I could hold onto that had always been a safety house for me, something I had independently of Tom.   </p><p>“I don’t know whether they’ll go for it but if they will, I think it’s a great idea.  I doubt they’ll take it rent free but you can try.” </p><p>“Remind me to talk to her about it when we get back home.” </p><p>Pulling me into his arms, he bent down and kissed me, “I remember the last time we were here.  You broke my heart and made me the happiest man alive all in the space of 24 hours.” </p><p>“Looking forwards babe, only forwards.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>17.2 THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Early evening and Mum had gone with Craig and Leonie back to their place, Chris and I were sitting chatting and the girls were going over Savannah and Theresa’s wedding.  I thought they’d have been talking about the upcoming ceremony but apparently that was all organised.  Both girls can come across as being – how can I put it nicely – scatterbrained and disorganised, yet they’re both sharp as a tack, have the most unbelievable time management skills and can organise just about anything in no time at all.  Chris and I are in awe of them most of the time.  That said, we’ve been told most women are the same. I’m not arguing, I’ve found it better to just nod and agree. </p><p>Elsa excused herself to go organise bath time with the children.  Assuming both the girls were supervising, I shrugged when I saw they were both gone then challenged Chris to a game of pool.  After a while Elsa came back but it took me a while to realise she was alone.   </p><p>“Where’s Missy,” she asked. </p><p>“I thought she was with you,” I answered, leaning on the pool cue. </p><p>“No, I left her sitting here while I made sure the kids were all showered.” </p><p>“I’ll go look for her,” I said, putting the cue down. </p><p>“Look for who?” she asked walking into the room. </p><p>“I was coming to look for you,” I told her.  “Where’d you go?” </p><p>“I was in our room,” she answered.  “Unpacking.” </p><p>“Did you girls want to team up and play?” Chris asked. </p><p>We spent the next hour and a bit playing, kids coming in and out, sitting watching us or the tv before wandering back to their rooms for a bit.  The dogs were all worn out from the games all afternoon and were curled up on the floor near the couch.  After we’d had enough of playing pool we just sat and chatted, reminiscing about old times and catching up on everything that was going on in our lives until I started yawning and decided I’d head to bed. </p><p>“I’ll come too.  Feeling pretty tired.  You don’t mind, do you?” she asked turning to Chris and Elsa. </p><p>“Not at all, I’m ready to sleep anyway,” Elsa said. </p><p>… </p><p>I woke early the next morning to find the bed beside me empty and wandered out to the kitchen expecting to find everyone waiting for me.  Elsa was in the process of making coffee while Chris was mixing up a protein shake of some sort. </p><p>“You going to join me in one of these?” he asked indicating the contents of the blender. </p><p>“Is it drinkable?  I’ve had some of your concoctions before and they were a bit rough.” </p><p>“I didn’t know Missy was allowed to run again,” Chris said.  “And it tastes good.” </p><p>“She’s not,” I answered. “Not yet anyway.” </p><p>“Guess she didn’t get the memo,” Chris laughed. “Here she asked me to give you this, said I’d probably see you before her,” he said.  </p><p>Taking the envelope from Chris, I sat down on a stool and opened it while I sipped the contents of the glass he handed me.   </p><p>“My dearest darling Tom,” it read. </p><p>“Before you panic, I’m fine.  I would have talked to you about this but I know what you’re like.  I’d get the first sentence out, you’d assure me that I was being silly, tell me not to worry about it, hug me and make me forget.  But I can’t forget.  It’s the one thing I can’t let go of, can’t leave alone.   I guess I just assumed we’d have kids one day.  I know I’m not getting any younger but I've still got a few years before it becomes a ‘now or never’ situation...well, I thought it was.  I know you always wanted kids, you’ve never made a secret of the fact that you love them and would like to have at least one.  I guess like me, you just assumed we’d get there one day and, like me, didn’t want to put any pressure on us.  I should have known something was wrong with me; in the last 5 years we’ve done nothing to stop me falling pregnant but it never happened.  I tried to justify it in my mind by telling myself it was because we were never together long enough for it to happen, but I think we both know that’s bullshit, let’s face it, we’re like rabbits when it comes to that area of our lives.  Anyway, I don’t feel have the right to stop you fulfilling your dream of becoming a father so I’m giving you a get out of jail free card.  If you want to end things and find someone that can give you kids, now’s your chance.  I'm not being melodramatic, not trying to make a big deal of things, I just want you to have the chance to fulfil that dream.  It hurts like hell to say those words because I love you beyond reason and would give anything to be able to give you a child but I truly don’t know if it will ever be possible.  I don’t want you to end up hating and resenting me because I couldn’t do it, couldn’t give you a child.  I’d rather die.  My bags are still packed so I can leave at any time – ready to go should you choose that. I lied last night, I was writing this, not unpacking.  I truly do love you and hope you see this offer as the act of love it’s meant to be.”   </p><p>“Tom? Tom are you ok mate?” Chris asked as I grabbed my phone and dialed. </p><p>“Which way did she go?” I questioned as her phone rang out.  Damn it. </p><p>“I don’t know.  Is everything ok?” he queried. </p><p>Thrusting the letter at him I said, “No, no it’s not.  I have to find her.” </p><p>Chris scanned the letter then looked up, worry in his eyes.  “She didn’t have bags with her but then, she was up before us.” </p><p>“I’ll go check our room,” I said. </p><p>Looking around, I found no trace of her.  Racing back to the kitchen I shook my head, “Everything’s gone.” </p><p>“Head for the beach, you go left, I’ll go right.  Take your phone, if I find her, I'll let you know - you find her, you let me know,” Chris said. </p><p>“I’ll stay here in case she comes back,” Elsa called after us. </p><p>5 minutes later we were running along the beach, Chris going one way, me the other.  I felt sick and blamed myself for her writing the letter because she’s right; I would have told her to stop being silly, I wouldn’t have listened to her but just told her it didn’t matter.  Damn it to hell and back.  Where is she?  </p><p>I felt like I’d been running forever but there was no sign of her anywhere.  I was getting ready to leave the beach and hit the roads when my phone started ringing. </p><p>“Have you got her?” I questioned, panting and badly out of breath. </p><p>“I can see her...I’ll keep....an eye on...her.  Don’t think...she’s seen me...yet.  Head back..this way,” Chris panted. </p><p>Hanging up, I took off at a run, my only thought getting to her.  As I neared the house the phone rang again.  </p><p>“She’s on the move again, just walking slowly.  I can see you in the distance so you’ll catch her soon.  I’m going to head back so you can talk.” </p><p>“Thanks man.” </p><p>She must have heard me behind her because she turned as I approached.  I was so out of breath I couldn’t speak but grabbed her and pulled her in against me, holding her tight and not letting go while I got my breath back.  She didn’t fight me, didn’t try to get away, just stood still and let me hold her.  Thank goodness I work out and run as much as I do because I have a really quick recovery rate and it wasn’t long before I could speak. </p><p>“Let’s sit yeah?” I asked. </p><p>She nodded.  “Tom, I...” </p><p>I held my hand up.  “No, you don’t get to talk.  You get to listen.” </p><p>I waited for the protest but it never came.  She looked at me, closed her mouth and nodded. </p><p>“Yes, I love children, would love to have children but not if it means losing you.  You’re more important to me than anything.  More important than work, family, friends, everything.  If having children means losing you, I'd rather not have them.  The only person in this world I would want them with is you, so if we can’t have them together, I don’t want them at all.  I appreciate what you’ve offered to do and I totally understand where it came from but I don’t want your get out of jail free card.  I want you.” </p><p>“I’m sorry I went about this the way I did, but...” </p><p>“...but I would have done exactly what you said I would.  I know.  And I’m sorry that I don’t listen when I know I should.  Darling, don’t leave me.  I seriously couldn’t handle it.” </p><p>“Oh babe,” she said, tearing up.  “I don’t want to leave you, ever, but I didn’t want you staying with me and resenting me;  or worse, not being able to love me because I couldn’t give you what you wanted.” </p><p>Sitting on the beach side by side, looking out to the horizon, she took my hand and nodded towards the water, “Shall we?” </p><p>“We shall,” I said standing and dusting the sand off my butt. </p><p>Hand in hand we walked towards the water, kicked our shoes off and waded into the small waves.  Walking out until the water reached the top of her legs we stopped and stood side by side, each of us having a few quiet moments. </p><p>“I never wanted any of this.  No, that’s not true.  I didn’t dare believe that any of this was possible, that I’d ever be allowed to be happy, to be loved, to know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I convinced myself I didn’t want this because it was easier than facing the thought of a life alone.  I know it hasn’t been an easy ride, and I know there were times I hurt you so much when I recoiled from your touch because I was scared you were going to hurt me.  I know you’d never purposely hurt me, and on those odd occasions I need to feel that pain I know it kills you to do it, but you do it for me.  My life really did begin when you finally convinced me you weren’t just some asshole actor out for a good time.  Today is the start of the rest of my life, the rest of <em> our </em> lives.  Today I can honestly say I have no doubts about us, not now, not after what you just said.  I know we can survive anything thrown at us, as long as we’ve got each other we’ve got this.” </p><p>“I had a wonderfully fulfilling career before you, and I’d convinced myself it was a wonderfully satisfying life.  In hindsight it was a lovely, empty life.  I was happy, but I wasn’t content.  I was always searching for something, you know that, mum and my friends back home have told you.  I just knew there had to be more...and there was.  You’re the more.  I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you; I knew you were what I'd been searching for.  Convincing you of that was a damn sight harder than I’d anticipated and yes, you frustrated the hell out of me with your insistence that I was just out for a good time.  I fell in love with you the first day I spoke to you and you refused to look at me or give me more than a cursory word or two.  I knew then you were for me and I’ve never looked at anyone else since that day.  You say your life began the day I convinced you I wasn’t just an asshole actor out for a good time but what you don’t realise is that my life began that first day you spoke to me.  You credit me with saving your life, you saved mine too – admittedly in a different way, but you still saved it nonetheless.  Without you I’d have thrown myself into work and led the most lonely of existences.  You taught me there was more to life than work and turned my world upside down.  You’re right, no matter what gets thrown at us, we’ve got this.  As long as we’ve got each other, we’ve got this.” </p><p>Smiling at each other, I bent down and kissed her as we submerged ourselves under the water letting the waves wash over us and taking the past with them.  The phoenix may rise from the ashes but the sea is ruled by Njord, the Norse God of ‘wealth bestowal’ and prosperity...of which we have been blessed, her love makes me the wealthiest man in the world.   </p><p>Rising from the water, we ended the kiss.  I took her hand and we waded our way back to shore ready to start the first day of the rest of our lives. </p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>17.3 THE DISTRACTION</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I swear I wouldn’t have written that letter if I thought I had a snowflakes chance in hell of getting him to listen to me without telling me I was being silly and brushing it off.  I know what he’s like, rather than deal with things that make him uncomfortable he ignores them and hopes they’ll go away.  This isn’t going to just go away.  I didn’t know what else to do.  Look, I know the man loves me, I’ve never doubted that.  But I also know what children mean to him.  I can’t expect him to just give that dream up without at least offering him the chance to have them.  Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen and I’ll be able to give him one but I'm not getting my hopes up.  I suppose we could always look at surrogacy but I get weirded out by that...and if we were to go that path, it would have to be ours biologically.  I couldn’t do it any other way.  Anyway, as Tom would tell me, ‘what will be, will be.’ </p><p>We hadn’t really planned our little trip into the ocean to happen quite the way it did, but looking back, I’m glad it happened that way.  It was spontaneous and really meant a lot for that moment in time.  I’d never really thought about me saving him before, never realised he looked at it that way to be honest.  All I know is that I’m glad he didn’t take that get out of jail ticket I offered...I’d have been crushed if he did.  When we submerged ourselves under the water, his lips on mine, I just let everything go, remembered back to the first time he spoke to me - I bet he thinks I've forgotten.  I haven’t; he said, “stunning isn’t it?” talking about the sunrise.  Maybe mother nature knew something way back then;  sunrise heralds a beginning, the promise of a fresh start, and that day was a stunning sunrise...I’ve always thought of our relationship as a series of stunning beginnings because of the amount of time we spend apart. I really do love him, so much so that it makes me want to cry that I can’t find the words to tell him exactly how I feel.  I suppose I best go apologise to Chris and Elsa now for causing an upset, and get my ass into gear because we’re supposed to be going shopping. </p><p>Walking back, hand in hand, we stayed silent but kept a quick pace.  Once inside I went in search of our hosts and apologised for the scene this morning.  I was told there was no need to apologise and they hoped all was well.  Assuring them everything was fine, I went off to get ready to go shopping.  Diana and Leonie showed up together and we’d arranged to pick Gabriella and Samantha up on the way.  Saying bye to the boys we set off for the 90 minute drive. </p><p>We enjoyed the trip immensely and had a lot of laughs, and even managed to get some of our Christmas shopping done.  I always find it refreshing to be around people who don’t believe in buying the biggest and best of everything for their loved ones but put a lot of thought into each individual gift, it means so much more.  My kind of people.  We were only there for a few hours before declaring ourselves done and the trip a success. </p><p>“Did you get everything you wanted?” I asked Diana. </p><p>“I did, thank you,” she replied.   </p><p>“Anyone need anything before we head back?” Elsa asked. </p><p>There were murmurs that we were all good so we headed back, slightly scared at what we’d find as the boys were nothing but overgrown kids themselves.  Luke was the only voice of reason and that was usually to tell them all to shut up when he’d had enough of their crazy antics. </p><p>… </p><p>We dropped Samantha off, helping her inside with her packages, then the same for Gabriella, both of whom were lucky that their respective partners weren’t home so they didn’t have to try to hide their haul from today’s trip.  That wasn’t the case when we got to Elsa’s as everyone was here and we had packages in the car that weren’t to be seen.   </p><p>“How are we going to work this?” I asked. </p><p>“We need a distraction,” Leonie said.  “Where are you putting the packages Elsa?” </p><p>“I think in that little bedroom, the one down the hallway that no one ever uses.  I still don’t know why he insisted on having that one.” </p><p>“He told me it was for India when she gets older, so she can have her privacy,” Leonie answered.   </p><p>“Makes sense,” Diana said.  “Girls are such different creatures to boys.  Always so independent, but boys, they seem to take forever to grow up.” </p><p>“Or they just never do,” Leonie said as we watched Chris in hot pursuit of Tom and Liam, all with nerf guns in hand. </p><p>“How many more of them have you got Elsa?” I asked. </p><p>“The nerf guns? Should be a couple.  Why, what were you thin....Oh very clever Missy,” she said. </p><p>Getting out, discarding my shoes and grabbing of one of the toys, I went in search of the boys with the intention of getting them to chase me down to the beach giving the three remaining women, time to get the gifts in and stashed.  Given the boys have all got at least 9 inches height on me, therefore much longer legs, the girls were going to have to be pretty quick. </p><p>Rounding the corner, I saw Liam so took off at a sprint, slowed down long enough to fire the foam dart at him then high tailed it across the yard towards the beach.  There was a yell from Liam as he realised what had happened, then I heard, “Get her” and could hear their feet coming hard.  Throwing the gun so I could pump my arms I bolted across the sand thinking how much I was going to pay later on when my knee realised what I’d subjected it to...and Tom lecturing me on how foolish I was, but I’m used to that. </p><p>I made it on to the beach proper before they caught up and surrounded me, firing those stupid little foam darts...which sting up close let me tell you...before I collapsed in fits of laughter.   </p><p>After they’d exhausted their supply of foam darts they came and sat with me laughing at the surprise attack. </p><p>“I didn’t even realise you were back,” Chris said.  “All I heard was Liam yelling get her and went into attack mode without really thinking about it.” </p><p>“You got me fair in the chest,” Liam griped, lifting his chest to show the little red spot. </p><p>“Oh you poor baby,” I laughed.  “There was only one dart aimed at you, I had the three of you firing close range.” </p><p>“You deserved it after that sneak attack,” Liam justified. </p><p>Tom, looking down at all the red marks covering me had a chuckle as he asked if I was ok.  “Yeah, I’m fine...no thanks to you lot though.” </p><p>“Come on, let’s get back to the house,” Chris said. </p><p>Tom held his hand out to pull me up when he noticed my knee starting to swell.  “And this would be why you were told not to run.” </p><p>“It’ll be fine.  Put some ice on it,” Liam said.  “Big sook.” </p><p>“Hey, I’m not the one sooking,” I retorted then grinned as he looked at my knee and winced. “Where’s Luke?” </p><p>“Hey actually, that looks kinda bad.  Maybe you should let us carry you back and he’s back at the house.” </p><p>“It’s fine, but yes, I will ice it when we get back.” </p><p>Walking slow to try and give them as much time as possible to stash gifts caused Tom to be really concerned.  “Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked.  “You’re very slow.” </p><p>Falling behind on purpose I waited for him to drop back with me, “Elsa’s trying to hide Christmas gifts and I’m trying to buy her as much time as possible.” </p><p>“Ohhhh, now it all makes sense,” he said.  “I’m just going to make sure she’s ok,” Tom called to Chris and Liam who immediately slowed and waited for us to catch up. </p><p>“You ok Missy?” Chris asked. </p><p>“Oh for God’s sake,” I said to the three of them.  “I’m fine.  It’s the first proper run I've had in 6 months, of course it’s going to swell.  As I keep telling Tom, I know what I’m doing regarding my fitness and physical capabilities.” </p><p>“I keep forgetting you’re a trainer,” Liam said.  “I’ll have to do a workout with you one day.” </p><p>“No time like the present,” I told him.  “Well, not right now obviously.  Sunday morning before we head home.” </p><p>Chris and Tom stood back, smirks on their faces as Liam asked them, “You going to join?” </p><p>“Not if we can help it,” Tom answered. </p><p>“Why not?” </p><p>Chris laughed, “You’ll see.” </p><p>Arriving back at the house, Elsa, Diana and Leonie were all sitting in the kitchen with a cuppa when Diana looked up and saw me limping along with the boys hovering close by. </p><p>“What have you done to yourself Dil?” she asked. </p><p>“Got a little carried away,” I laughed as I took a seat on the couch while Chris rummaged around in the freezer and came up with some ice packs.  I guess that’s the great thing about being with people who work out a lot, they’re prepared for injuries.   </p><p>“Here, put this on it,” he said handing me the ice pack.  “If the swelling doesn’t go down I’ve got anti inflammatories you can take.” </p><p>“She won’t take them,” Tom said as I shook my head at Chris. </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later, most of the swelling was gone and I was up moving around. </p><p>“Do you need help with anything for tomorrow?” I asked Elsa. </p><p>Shaking her head, she said, “No, everything’s organised.  It’s really only like a family barbecue anyway so there’s really not much to do.  All the food’s being delivered in the morning so I don’t have to worry about trying to store it all and the family are going to be here to lay it all out.  Chris wanted it this way, kids running around, dogs going crazy, games on the beach and a barbecue to not only celebrate 10 years of marriage but to celebrate the fact that we’ve relocated completely now having sold off all our overseas properties.  Now, where are we with Savannah and Theresa’s wedding? “ </p><p>“The dresses are arriving this week; I’m going to have to get the girls to try them on in case there’s any alterations that need done.  I’ve got the rings being resized and they’ll be ready later in the week.  I know they want to go barefoot but I’m going to find some nice little flat sandals they can wear for the reception.  I’ve found the bands I want for their hair, I just need to go and pick them up.  How are you doing with your end?” I asked. </p><p>“The food is all organised, we’re just going to do pretty much the same as this.  I’ve got a cake maker in town doing a small cake, nothing fancy.  I’ve managed to convince our florist to make me a couple of artificial bouquets but she’s not happy about it.  We’ve ordered a few bottles of champagne and other than that, it’s just the usual beer, wine and spirits, and I’ve had the cottage cleaned and restocked.” </p><p>“Oh, while I think of it, are you able to have fires here or do you need permission from the fire department?” I asked. </p><p>“It depends on the size of the fire and the weather,” she answered. </p><p>“Tiny fire, burning a piece paper or two.” </p><p>“Dig a hole on the beach,” Elsa said.  “If it’s only for something that small.  Is it a cleansing ceremony or something?” </p><p>“It certainly is.  Savannah wants to do it the night before they get married.” </p><p>“What a great idea.  We should have done the same, although in all honesty, I don’t think we really have a lot to worry about cleansing now that we’re back here for good.  We left all the crap behind in L.A.  The girls are coming up the day after Christmas is that right?” </p><p>“As far as I know that’s their plan.  I actually have a bit of a favour to ask.  Please feel free to say no if you’re not comfortable with it but there’s the possibility of Savannah wanting to ask someone to be at the wedding.  Will that be ok with you?  It’s the woman she’s just hired.  Savannah and her have just clicked and I have a feeling she’d like Maggie there.” </p><p>“We told them to invite who they wanted, I don’t mind.  I’m glad she wants to have a friend there.” </p><p>“Not really friend, more like a mother figure, they just haven’t worked it out yet. I’d take a guess and say she’s around the same age as Diana.  There’s just something there that I think they both need, I know Maggie was estranged from her son and Savannah’s never had a stable mother figure in her life...anyway, I’m not sure if she will want Maggie here but I just thought it might be best to ask.  Thanks Elsa.” </p><p>Diana, Craig and Leonie arrived for dinner which was a quiet affair.  They stayed a couple of hours then headed home with the promise of being back early in the morning to help out. Once they’d gone, Chris and Elsa put the kids to bed then we had a drink together before deciding we could all use an early night.   </p><p>Once in our room we both took a shower then lay in bed trying to figure out what we were going to do for Christmas. </p><p>“Do you want to come up here?”  Tom asked. </p><p>“We can come here if you want,” I replied. </p><p>“Darling that’s not an answer.” </p><p>“I know.  I don’t know what I want to do.”   I murmured half asleep.  “Tired babe, ‘night, love you.” </p><p>“That’s ok, we’ll work it out later.  Goodnight darling, I love you too,” he said as he pulled me back against him and wrapped me in his arms.  All was good and right in the world. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>17.4 NEW AND RENEW</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>*** A quick note:  For some reason Chris and Elsa didn’t want the words they spoke to each other during the ceremony written and each time I tried to write it, I got met with silence.  They were ok with me writing a brief description but that’s all.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>...</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Opening my eyes, I had a quick glance at my watch and knew I could make sunrise on the beach if I hauled my ass out of bed now.  Moving carefully, trying not to wake Tom, I’d almost made it when he said, “Give me 2 seconds and I’ll come with you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to.  Stay here and sleep if you want.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Already out of bed, he grabbed a light jacket and dragged his sleep pants on, “Ready?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Grabbing a lightweight robe, I pulled it on then took Tom’s hand.  We walked down to the beach where we stood with me in front of him, his arms around me, chin resting on my head, as we watched the grey of the predawn sky chased away by spectacular shades of pink, yellow and orange that reflected off the deep purple and blue of the smattering of cloud visible in the sky.  The spot where the sun would appear on the horizon was a bright gold that almost hurt your eyes to look at.  There was the sound of gulls calling each other as they chased little fish in the waves that sighed gently as they broke on shore, then ran up the sand before slowly retreating back to the depths of the ocean again which appeared black and inky in the dawn light.  The tang of salt in the air tickling both your nostrils and taste buds </span>
  <span>and a</span>
  <span> light breeze that lifted and played with our hair.  There was just something so beautiful about a sunrise over the ocean.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He bent down and kissed the side of my neck as we saw the first glimpse of the golden orb pop it’s head above the line of the horizon, the warmth from it immediately felt on your skin.  The clouds were now streaked with deep reds and oranges; the purples and blues long gone as the sun struggled its way upwards, a golden pathway reflected on the surface of the water.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Stunning,</span>
  <span> isn’t he?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It most certainly is,” I replied with a smile on my face and a heart full of joy.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You remembered,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Of course</span>
  <span> I remember,” I told him.  “It was the first day I spoke to you. You commented on the sunrise then wanted to know why I’d missed my run the day before. I told you I hadn’t missed it I’d just taken a different route.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And by the time you said that I knew I wanted you, wanted to be with you, whether you wanted me or not and I knew I had to have you.  Part of me thought you were trying to avoid me and that was why you’d taken a different route.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“From memory I was running late that day and couldn’t deal with the crowds.  Anyway, here we are about to celebrate another great love story and there couldn’t be a more perfect day for it.  Shall we go get coffee and see what the bride and groom are up to?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Walking back up the beach, Tom’s arm around my shoulder, my arm around his waist I felt like the luckiest person alive. Sure, I’d had a shitty past but it made me who I am today.  It made me appreciate the small things in life, things that people take for granted, such as standing on the beach with the love of your life and watching a sunrise.  It’s no big deal really is it, nothing special?   Let me tell you, when you’re not sure you’re ever going to see another sunrise, even the dullest of sunrises are pretty damn special.   Live for the little things:  appreciate the beauty in the petals of a dandelion, instead of cursing the rain – go jump in the damn puddle, look up at night and talk to the ‘man in the moon,’ seriously – do it; you really don’t know when it might be the last time you get the chance.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Heading back to the house, we walked into the kitchen where Chris and Elsa were sitting sipping on coffee.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only fresh,” she said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Smells amazing,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing well to get out of the house without coffee, what’s got into you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Cutting down slowly,” I replied. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I saw Elsa nudge Chris and nod her head towards me then Chris giving her the ‘wait a minute’ glare before she nudged him again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, what is it?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t suppose you happened to bring your </span>
  <span>camera,</span>
  <span> did you?” Chris questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure did, wouldn’t dream of coming up here without it.  I wish I’d have been smart enough to have it this morning for the sunrise but I was a bit slow in the thought process.  </span>
  <span>Nevermind</span>
  <span>, maybe tomorrow.  Anyhow, you don’t care about me getting the sunrise; why did you want to know?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Any chance we could convince you to take some photos of the ceremony?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I screwed my face up and asked, “You don’t have a photographer?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Elsa shook her head, “No, forgot to book one.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll pardon me if I don’t believe that I’m sure,” I told her. “You’d never forget.  Is this a ploy to try and convince me that I’ll be fine doing Savannah and Theresa’s?  Can’t you get everyone to just take happy snaps on their phones?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we could but...please?” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> for God’s sake.  Fine. Yes.  But when they suck don’t say you weren’t warned,” I grumbled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Missy, we owe you one,” Chris said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You were behind this somehow, I just know it,” I said, turning to Tom who put his hands up in front of himself.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I had nothing to do with it, I swear.  Elsa asked me if I thought you’d do it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right, just dob me in,” she laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m honored that you’ve asked me but seriously, I’m not good at ‘people photography’.  I guarantee the beach will look awesome in the background while you’ve all got your eyes half closed.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well at least they’ll be interesting photos,” Chris laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The ‘wedding’ was a casual affair so there was no need to get too dressed up.  The guys were all wearing shorts and long-sleeved shirts, the girls were all wearing sundresses.  The celebrant wore a brightly </span>
  <span>coloured</span>
  <span> sundress and had bare feet like the rest of us.  It actually looked quite funny because just on the edge of the grass where the sand started was a pile of flip flops and sandals we’d all discarded - footwear not required on the beach.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>During the ceremony they stood facing each other and spoke about how they knew they were meant to be right from the very start and how, after only 3 months together, they decided to get married while on holidays with both families because it just felt right.  I tried to keep out of the way of everyone as much as possible and still get photos of them but also wanted to watch the ceremony with my own eyes and not behind the lens of a camera.  It was a tricky balance but I think I pulled it off.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We watched on as they spoke about the </span>
  <span>difficulties</span>
  <span> they’ve faced but how the love, respect, </span>
  <span>admiration and</span>
  <span> consideration they have for each other has seen them through.  They spoke about how the children have completed them as a couple and made their lives feel whole and how the children are always the number one priority.  There were a few serious moments but there were lots of laughs also. The actual vows they recited were the same ones they had recited 10 years ago on the beach in Bali and I thought it was such a beautiful touch...then thanked God that I had been clever enough to keep the papers we’d both written ours on.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>15 minutes later, they were pronounced husband and wife – again, and we all let up a cheer. I was so happy for them I almost forgot to get photos of the moment.   They each used the same rings they’d used first time around but marked the occasion with a new ring for each of them, both using the design of the tattoo Elsa sported on her right arm which was inspired by Thor. (She got the tattoo when she was only 15 and says it was a sign that they were destined to be together, it was all very romantic.)  Chris was told he could kiss his bride, which he did with gusto and then they were swamped with hugs and kisses, Tom and I grinning like Cheshire cats having been in their place just a few short months ago. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes me want to do it all over again,” he said quietly against my ear.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling I leaned in to him and nodded, “It was rather lovely, wasn’t it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It certainly was.  Are you ok little one?” he asked looking down at me, concern in his eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine babe, honestly.  I’m happy for them, happy that they’ve completed their family, and happy that together, they’re a strong unit.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And so are both of you,” Diana said, coming up to stand beside us.  “The strongest.  Wasn’t that a lovely ceremony?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It certainly was,” Tom said then turned to me. “Just goes to prove that when you know, you just know.  I never had a doubt from the moment I saw you and clearly these guys are the same.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“As a mother it makes me very happy to see all three of my children not just married, but in very strong relationships.  It was always a fear of mine that, when it came to relationships, you and your sisters would be affected by your father and I divorcing but if anything, it seems to have made the three of you more determined to make your own marriages work.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not something the three of us take lightly.  You and dad  divorcing did have an effect on us mum, it made us determined it wouldn’t happen to us.  Made the three of us determined to be able to work through whatever problems arose.  Not to say you and dad didn’t, but that’s just the way it is for the three of us.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents should never have been together, they have absolutely nothing in common so I don’t really have much to go on.  My stepdad and mum have had their fair share of issues but somehow work through it but they’re not happy unless they’re bickering, and I couldn’t handle that all the time.  I love what we have,” I said taking Tom’s hand.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve certainly got something special,” Diana told us.  “Now, will we head up? I’m parched.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Heading back up to the yard, we stopped and put our shoes on before joining the others in the entertainment area.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While I took some photos from a distance of the happy couple sharing a quiet moment, others were bringing food out and setting the tables.  Someone turned the music on, someone else fired up the barbecue and the celebrations began.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Put the camera down for a little while love and come dance with me,” Tom called.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Handing the camera over to </span>
  <span>Diana, I</span>
  <span> showed her how to use it in case she decided to take a few photos.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just turn that until the picture clears then push that and it’s done,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t it be like my phone, push a button and it does everything for you?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chuckling I said, “It can.  Here, </span>
  <span>see</span>
  <span> that little lever?  Just push it so it’s on the ‘A’ then you can just point it and push this button.  It will do the focusing for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I think that sounds like something I can do,” she laughed.  “So just point it, push that button and that’s it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Point, push the button, it’ll whir and then turn as it focuses then you’ll hear the click,” I explained. “I really need a new camera.  This one’s </span>
  <span>getting a</span>
  <span> bit old, a bit tired and needing serviced more frequently than I’d like but it still does the job.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds a bit like me,” Diana laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and both laughed with her then Tom gave her a hug, “You’re doing ok mum.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving Diana to have fun with the camera, Tom and I hit the dance floor just as the music changed to a slower song.  Pulling me in close, we slow danced as we looked around.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They make a great looking </span>
  <span>couple</span>
  <span> don’t they?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They sure do. And so damn adorable dancing with the kids like that.  God Elsa looks gorgeous.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She looks beautiful.  Chris looks good too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nowhere near a</span>
  <span>s good as you my love, nowhere near as good as you.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>                                                                                                                           </span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. 18.1 Family, Friends and Fun, 18.2 Day Out with Diana, 18.3 Farewell Diana, 18.4 Holidays At Last</h2></a>
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  <strong>18.1 FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FUN</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>What a fantastic day.  We partied well into the night in the end, with no one showing signs of wanting to leave.  During the afternoon, everyone ended up on the beach playing games, building sand castles, looking for shells or paddling in the water and spotting the small fish swimming close to shore.  There seemed to be a never-ending supply of food and we grazed the afternoon and evening away.  There were a few toasts and the cutting of the cake but for the most part it was informal, relaxed and thoroughly enjoyable.   </p><p>Eventually Craig, Leonie and Diana said their goodbyes.  We’d see them in the morning as we were leaving just before lunch so we’d be home before dinner time.  Not long after they left, Luke and Samantha said their goodbyes as they wanted to get their kids home to bed before they ended up over tired and cranky.   </p><p>Elsa and Chris rounded up their children and we all went inside where we sat and talked quietly, calming the children down before getting them ready for bed.  Tristan brought a book out and asked Tom if he’d read to him, which Tom was more than happy to do.  Tristan curled up in Tom’s lap as Sasha squeezed in between the two of us and India went to sit with Liam.  Tom’s voice seemed to work wonders on the boys and soon they were blinking the long blink of sleepy children and yawning as they snuggled against us.   </p><p>Once the story was finished, the children said goodnight to us all and went off to bed.  It wasn’t long before Liam and Gabriella said their goodbyes, leaving just the four of us once again. </p><p>“I feel guilty being here on your wedding night,” I said.  “I remember offering you guys a bed on our wedding night and you said there’s no way you’d stay on our wedding night, yet here we are crashing yours.” </p><p>“This is our second time around though,” Chris replied.  “It’s not like we haven’t been here before.” </p><p>“Yes, but we’d lived together for almost a decade too so it wasn’t like we hadn’t been around the block a time or two ourselves.” </p><p>“Yes, but it’s your first wedding.  If this had been our first wedding it would have been different.  Although really, with the size of the house we could all live in it for a week and not really have to see each other,” Elsa replied.  “No need to feel guilty.  To be honest, whilst the day was special, it’s not really a lot different to any other family get together.” </p><p>“It was a really lovely ceremony and I’m so glad we were both able to be here for it, mum too.  Lucky for us filming wrapped a little earlier than we’d anticipated so I was able to spend some time with mum and be able to come up here,” Tom said. </p><p>“Did you want to have a quick look at the photos?” I asked.  “Just remember they’re raw.” </p><p>“Raw as in unedited?” Elsa asked.   </p><p>“Yeah, but I need a laptop or a computer,” I told her. </p><p>While Elsa got her laptop, I had a quick look through the photo roll. </p><p>“You guys worked out what you’re doing for Christmas yet?” Chris asked. </p><p>“Not really.  We’ll work it out in the next day or so,” I replied. </p><p>“You know you’re always welcome to come here,” Elsa said.  “Just let us know the day before.” </p><p>“Thanks for that,” Tom replied.  “We’ll let you know by the end of the week.  We’ll be up the day after that anyway.” </p><p>“Do you have a soup kitchen here?  Like a place where the homeless go and get food?” I asked as Elsa handed me the laptop and I put the card in it then brought up the photos. </p><p>Scrolling through the photos Elsa was all smiles. </p><p>“Yes, it’s called Liberation Larder.  They do food parcels and deliver them, provide meals for the homeless or needy.  Why do you ask?” </p><p>“I’d like to help them out on Christmas morning if we’re here.  I’m happy to serve meals, drop food parcels off, whatever’s needed,” I answered. </p><p>“I’m sure they’d appreciate the help.  Just give them a call and talk to them.” </p><p>“Chris, come see,” Elsa told Chris holding her hand out to him. </p><p>They scrolled through the photos, making a few comments.  I guess they weren’t too bad, but I’m still not a ‘people’ photographer.  I had to admit, some of them would tidy up nicely.  Elsa and Chris seemed pretty happy with them and thanked me before Chris announced he was off to bed, “You coming Elsa?” </p><p>Saying goodnight, we all retired to our beds.  I was grateful to lay down, my knee was protesting loudly about the physical activity this weekend, and I was meant to be doing a training session with Liam in the morning.  I have a feeling that may have to be pushed back for another time. </p><p>… </p><p>I woke early the next morning and headed for the beach again, taking the camera this time.  Much as I love taking photos, the camera can’t do justice to the colours of the sky, but I’m not one for enhancing my work with filters and altering photos beyond recognition, so I work hard to get the shots I get.  Today I was blessed with the most beautiful burnt oranges and reds as I happily clicked away.   </p><p>I was lost in my own little world when a voice beside me said, “I thought I might find you down here.  Pretty spectacular colours, I'll be interested to see how well they show up once you upload them onto the laptop.” </p><p>“I think I'm going to need to put the camera in for a service again after new year,” I said. “It seems a bit sluggish in response time and I’m sure it’s got a speck of dust in there. It’s really seen better days.” </p><p>“How long have you had that one?  It’s been quite a while hasn’t it?” </p><p>“I’ve had it longer than I’ve had you.  It’s a bit of a Jurassic classic,” I laughed. “This one’s 15 years old.” </p><p>“Really? I didn’t think it was that old.” </p><p>“You’re thinking of the smaller one. I’ve never really liked it.  It’s ok for everyday stuff, but it’s not a good camera.” </p><p>We sat watching the sunrise, me taking photos as the sun came over the horizon and snapping until it became too bright for me to see properly. Once the sun had made its way up and over the horizon, we headed back to the house, picking up someone’s headband from yesterday as we reached the very edge of the yard. </p><p>Walking in the kitchen, the smell of coffee hit me and I smiled in anticipation of that wonderful caffeine working it’s magic on me.  Tom handed the headband to Chris explaining he’d found it at the edge of the yard. </p><p>“No doubt one of the girls will claim it,” he said referring to Luke’s girls.  “What time you headed off?” </p><p>“Probably mid-morning depending on what time mum gets here,” Tom answered. </p><p>“You putting Liam through his paces before you go Missy?” </p><p>“Much as I’d love to, I don’t think my knee is going to like me very much if I do.  I’ve already tortured it quite a bit this weekend.  I might actually behave myself for once.  I’ll get him at Christmas.” </p><p>“Oh fantastic!” Elsa said.  “You’ve decided to join us.” </p><p>We hadn’t actually decided yet but it would seem our minds had been made up for us.  I looked at Tom as he looked at me and shrugged.  I knew he’d like to be here but I had planned on finding out what Maggie and Sparky were up to before deciding.  I wasn’t sure if Maggie had family and with Savannah and Theresa with Theresa’s family, I didn’t want her alone and with Sparky and Marisol separated I wasn’t sure if he’d be alone...I sound like Diana adopting strays don’t I?  I guess I just know how awful it is to be alone at Christmas. </p><p>“Can I confirm that definitely tomorrow night?” I asked.  “I just want to check a couple of things first.” </p><p>“Of course you can, but we really hope you’ll be here.” </p><p>Diana arrived just after 9 am and by the time we packed the car, toileted and crated the dogs, it was time to leave. </p><p>Diana made everyone promise to visit should they be in the UK for anything and she was made to promise that she’d visit next time she was here; whenever that may be. </p><p>… </p><p>We hit some traffic as we got closer to home so the trip took a little longer than usual.  By the time we got home the dogs needed to be toileted right away – so did Diana. </p><p>I made a Thai soup for dinner, light and healthy but satisfying, then after loading the dishwasher we took showers and met back in the living room.  We turned the tv on but didn’t really watch it, instead chatting about the weekend and how lovely the whole thing had been. </p><p>“At least I got to see this one,” Diana said.  “I missed yours and I’m going to miss the girls as well.  Make sure you take lots of photos for me won’t you.” </p><p>“Sure, if you don’t mind photos with closed eyes and blurry hands,” I answered. </p><p>“Oh stop,” Diana laughed.  “You’ll do a fantastic job I’m sure.” </p><p>“I’m sure she will too,” Tom chimed in. </p><p>“Well, you could always stay and witness it for yourself,” I told her. </p><p>“Nice try Dil,” she chuckled.  “Darling I’d love to see it for myself but I can’t do Christmas here.  It’s just all wrong.  I miss home, surely you can understand that?” she said kindly. </p><p>“I do and I’m only teasing...sort of,” I laughed.  “It’s just so quiet when you’re not here, and I have to amuse him by myself,” I nodded towards Tom. </p><p>“I <em> am </em> here you know?” he laughed. </p><p>“Well, I’m going to take my leave and get to bed.  Am I coming to the shop tomorrow?” Diana asked. </p><p>“Actually, I’m only going in briefly then leaving it up to Savannah.  I want to spend some time with you before you go.  I told Tom the other day that I feel as if we’ve neglected you this trip.  The timing was just wrong unfortunately but at least we’ve got tomorrow and …" </p><p>“...and that’s about all we’ve got darling.  We have to be at the airport by lunchtime the day after,” Tom told me. </p><p>“But you just got here,” I complained, turning to Diana. </p><p>“I’ve been here nearly two and half weeks Dil.” </p><p>“Feels like two and a half days. It’s because I’ve been so busy with the shop.  We really have neglected you this trip, haven’t we?” </p><p>“Not at all.  It’s actually been lovely getting to see what your day to day life is like.  Now I’ll know exactly what you’re talking about when you mention the shop, and be able to picture you all working side by side.  It’s been wonderful seeing Tom slowly relaxing as filming wrapped and seeing the pride he shows in the work he’s done, and meeting Savannah and Theresa has been a joy.  I’ve had a great time with old friends and was able to be here for you as you came to terms with your past and faced the future.  We’ve spent nearly every night together as a family and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself.  Plus, you’ll be over to see me not too far into the new year,” Diana said, ever the voice of reason. </p><p>“We just miss you when you’re not here,” Tom told her. </p><p>“It’s nice to know, and I feel very loved.  I also feel very tired and I’m going to say goodnight and head to bed,” she replied. </p><p>Saying our goodnights to her I turned to Tom, “It’s been a rather eventful trip for her really hasn’t it?  We’ve actually done quite a lot in the time she’s been here.  I think she’s got the right idea though, my bed’s calling me.” </p><p>“Right behind you darling.  I’ll just lock up.” </p><p>I was looking forward to tomorrow and had no doubt Savannah would be fine, she had Maggie now if she needed help.  I’ve no idea what we were going to do but as long as we were all together it didn’t matter.  Something Maggie said yesterday really made me think:  Just after yesterday’s ceremony I commented that Chris and Elsa were a strong unit then Diana said we were too, ‘the strongest’ is what she said, and she’s right – we are the strongest. So many things could have torn us apart but instead, it’s held us together, made us more determined to fight for what we have.   As we said to each other, as long as we’ve got each other we’ve got this. </p><p>   </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>18.2 DAY OUT WITH DIANA</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>*Settle in with a cuppa, it’s extra-long. Missy wouldn’t shut up. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I left Tom and Diana laughing about family memories as they had breakfast. I was only going into the shop for a short while to clear a few things with Savannah and to get Tom’s Christmas gift planned out and ordered because I know once Diana is gone it’s going to get harder and harder to get things done because her charming son will question my every move. As it was, I had to try and sneak a package out of the house without him seeing me. </p><p>Carrying the package inside my bag, I let myself into the shop then headed upstairs.  I put coffee on then opened my laptop while I waited for the coffee to brew.  Linking the printer/scanner to my laptop, I opened the package Diana had brought over for me and began spreading out the photos of Tom from babyhood through his childhood then onto his teen years and early twenties. </p><p>I’d just got the photos spread out when I heard the door of the shop open and then footsteps as Savannah climbed the stairs. </p><p>“Good morning,” she said. “How was the wedding?” </p><p>“It was lovely,” I said as I crossed the floor to pour coffee. “It was small, romantic and very Chris and Elsa, it was perfect for them.” </p><p>“What did you do? You’re limping.” </p><p>“Shot Liam then had to run like hell along the beach before Tom, Chris and Liam shot me back.” </p><p>“You did what!?” </p><p>“Oh relax,” I laughed.  “It was with a nerf gun so Elsa had time to stash Christmas presents.” </p><p>Looking at Savannah, I couldn’t help but laugh again as she looked so confused so I explained what had happened. </p><p>“Oh, well that makes more sense.  I take it the knee is still protesting?” she asked as she started looking at the photos I had spread out.  “Where did you get these?”  </p><p>“Diana brought them over for me.  I’m having a canvas made of Tom from childhood through to now but I want a mix of photos.  I’m also having one done with all the characters he’s played.” </p><p>“I’m sure he’ll love it,” Savannah said.  “For Christmas I assume?” </p><p>“You assume correctly,” I answered.  “And I’ve had a set of Loki cufflinks made for him as well.  Gold cufflinks with black onyx and emeralds for the eyes.” </p><p>“They sound lovely.  He’s always been good looking, hasn’t he?”  Savannah mused. </p><p>“He has,” I replied.  “But he gets better looking the older he gets.” </p><p>“Are you scanning all the photos in so you can do the canvases here?” she questioned. </p><p>“I am.” I answered.  “If I tried to do it at home Super Sleuth would be on it in a heartbeat so I have to do it here.  I hope you don’t mind me spreading myself out here but I need room to see which photos to use.” </p><p>“You have to use this one,” she said picking up a photo of a chubby cheeked one year old Tom.  “It’s adorable.” </p><p>“But they’re all adorable,” I whined.  “How am I supposed to choose?” </p><p>We spent the next half hour going through photos, friendly banter as to which ones should be used.  In the end we had three piles, one pile with the ones I liked, one pile with the ones she liked and one pile with ones we both liked. </p><p>“How many in that pile?” I asked pointing to the pile we both liked. </p><p>“28.” </p><p>“That’ll do. I’ve got heaps of him in his late twenties through til now so I’ll throw a few more of them in.  That’s the first one done, now I have to do the one with all the different characters although it should be quick because I've already got a file with the photos in it, just have to upload them all.  How am I doing for time?” I asked. </p><p>“It’s only 8.50 a.m.”  </p><p>“Oh good.  I need to finish this, go pick up the cufflinks and the bands for your hair for the wedding. I also need to arrange a time with both of you so you can try your dresses on so I can have them altered if they need it,” I told Savannah. </p><p>“No,” she answered. </p><p>“No? What the hell do you mean no?  You have to try them on Sav, what if they don’t fit?  I’m not having that on my head.” </p><p>“I mean no, that’s what I mean.  I don’t want to see it until it’s time to get dressed.  If it doesn’t fit then it’s just bad luck.” </p><p>“Don’t piss me off by being ridiculous.  You need to try them on.  I’m not having you in dresses that aren’t right.” </p><p>“I’m not trying it on.  We turned it all over to you with absolutely no expectations.  We couldn’t care if we got married in singlet and shorts, as long as we get married.” </p><p>“You might end up doing that if you don’t try the bloody dresses on.  God Sav, you can’t be serious,” I muttered to myself pulling my phone out and making a call. </p><p>“Hello Missy, what’s up?” </p><p>Savannah gave me a dirty look and said, “oh you so did not.” </p><p>Smiling I said, “Elsa, can you try and talk some sense into this woman.  She’s refusing to try her wedding dress on to see if it needs altering.” </p><p>Handing the phone to Savannah, I sat back and waited as she told Elsa exactly what she’d told me.  I could hear Elsa’s voice on the other end of the phone then Savannah simply said, “not going to happen,” and handed the phone back to me. </p><p>“Oh good Lord she’s a stubborn one Missy.  Don’t waste your breath trying to get her to change her mind because she’s not going to,” Elsa told me. </p><p>“Fine, she can have a dress that won’t go over her damn plastic boobs then,” I said then got the giggles when I looked at Savannah as she tried to flatten her breasts by pushing on them. </p><p>Ringing off from Elsa, I shook my head at Savannah, “Are you sure you won’t try it on?”  </p><p>“As I told you, I couldn’t care if it was in singlet and shorts.  We don’t care.  It seems to be more important to you and Elsa, which is one of the reasons we turned it over to you.  We’d have been in jeans and t-shirts on the beach with chicken nuggets and hamburgers if it was left up to us.  As long as it comes in on budget I don’t care.” </p><p>“Oh, that reminds me,” I said as I scanned the photos onto the laptop.  “I wanted to talk to you about something.  Now, I understand it’s a bit to think about and I don’t expect an answer right away.  You and Theresa will want to talk it over.” </p><p>“Sound a bit ominous,” she said. </p><p>“Not at all.  As you know I kept the house I had when Tom and I first met.  It’s no mansion but it’s a decent size, private and in a good area.  It’s been tenanted for a while but they’ve decided to move out.  I’m going to need to find another tenant but I want someone I can trust.  I know you and Theresa are saving for a place of your own and I was wondering if you’d consider moving into my house.” </p><p>“Wow, that’s um...wow.” </p><p>“I know it’s further from work so it’s going to cost you more in fuel for the car...” </p><p>“...before you go further,” she said.  “It would depend on how much the rent is.  We’ve been thinking about moving because the rents around here are a little high and we were thinking we could save money by moving.  Two suburbs over and we save a lot and it’s not that much more in fuel...” </p><p>“....rent free and you’d only be an extra 5 minutes from here.” </p><p>Savannah looked at me incredulously and said, “Say that again?” </p><p>“Tom and I talked it over and we’d like to offer you and Theresa my house, rent free for 12 months.  After that, if you want to stay on, we can discuss rent, but it would be below market price.” </p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Don’t say anything yet,” I told her.  “Talk it over with Theresa and let me know when you’ve decided.  The current tenant is moving out the second week of January so any time after that.  Just let me have the place cleaned and checked over to make sure it doesn’t need repairs.  Say the end of January?  You’d be doing me a favour in that I know the house has someone in it, so it would less likely to be targeted for a break in, not that it’s likely to happen but you never know, and I know you and Theresa will look after it.” </p><p>“I’ll talk to her tonight.” </p><p>“I’m going to get going shortly, spending the day with Tom and Diana as she’s leaving me tomorrow, abandoning me and leaving me in the care of her offspring.” </p><p>“Oh my God, you’re so melodramatic,” Savannah laughed.  “She’s not abandoning you; she’s going home you big baby.” </p><p>“Abandoning me,” I insisted as my phone rang.  “Hey babe, just finishing up.  I should be home shortly.” </p><p>“Tell Diana I said goodbye,” Savannah said. </p><p>“You’ll be able to tell her yourself.  She’ll insist on being brought here to say goodbye before she goes.  Anyway, I’m going to get going.  I’ll see you tomorrow.  Any problems just call me.” </p><p>“I will.  And thank you, I'll talk to Theresa tonight.” </p><p>… </p><p>Arriving home, I did a quick change into jeans then we headed off.  We’d decided to take Diana on a river cruise, the same river Tom and I had cruised in the houseboat.  It was only a few hours long, but they served a lovely lunch and took in some wonderful sights and there was an informative commentary from the riverboat captain. </p><p>It was absolutely beautiful being on the water and we were the only three on the boat other than the captain Gus, and his wife Cynthia, who were really friendly and very knowledgeable about the area.  Tom mentioned that I’d grown up by the river then I had to explain where I’d grown up.  Gus and I ended up having a fantastic conversation about how things have changed along the river, the effects of the floods that are experienced and how the health of the river has declined in the last 10 years.  We talked about the First Nation People and their sacred sites along the river with both Gus and I pointing out different sites we knew of that had rock carvings and paintings.  Tom and Diana showed a genuine interest in the conversation and asked really interesting questions.   </p><p>We anchored and Cynthia served a ploughman’s lunch which consisted of crusty bread, ham, cheese, pickled onion, and pickles and it was delicious.  We had the choice of wine, beer, tea or coffee, we all chose beer and it went down really well.  Once lunch had been cleared away, I pulled my camera out and took a few photos, lamenting the fact that I didn’t have a fishing rod.  Cynthia smiled and said they had some then asked if we had fishing licenses.  I said we did so we got the fishing rods out and had a few casts.  Tom and Cynthia hooked up right away then not long after Gus had a fish on as well.  Diana wasn’t fishing but had the camera ready to take photos of everyone with their catch.  I mentioned that I should have been the one catching fish as it was my idea.  Tom pulled in a good sized flathead but chose to release it rather than keep it.  I’ve always been a big fan of letting them go, fishing only for the fun of it.  We had a few more casts before Gus said we’d need to head back, and it was as I was winding in for the last time that I got a really big bite.  It took me 10 minutes to land the fish, a good sized mulloway.  After a few photos, it went back in the water, the rods were stowed away and we headed back to the wharf, then into the car and home. </p><p>… </p><p>Once home, Diana excused herself to go and pack.  I had to try and sneak the package of photos back out to her and managed to do that while Tom fed the dogs.   </p><p>“Did you get what you needed?” she asked. </p><p>“I did.  Thank you so much for doing this for me.  I hope he likes it when it’s done.  I can pick both canvases up in a couple of days.  They’re doing it as a rush order for me but I’ve got no idea of how I’m going to do it because I know he’ll want to follow my every move.” </p><p>“Just tell him you’re going to get his Christmas present and to mind his own business,” she laughed. </p><p>“Oh I’m sure that’ll work,” I laughed. “He’ll offer to go pick it up for me.” </p><p>After we’d had dinner and showered, we gathered in the living room where we had a gift for Diana. </p><p>“Because we won’t see you for Christmas, and we’re not sure what’s happening with travel plans at the moment, we’d like to give you your gift now if that’s ok,” Tom said. </p><p>“You don’t have to get me gifts,” she said. </p><p>I laughed and said, “Trust us, you’ll love this.” </p><p>Tom handed her an envelope and said that this wasn’t the part that she’d love but we wanted her to have this to use whenever she wanted.  Giving us a quizzical look, Tom said, “Just open it.” </p><p>Lifting the flap on the envelope she looked inside the cardboard sleeve inside to find travel vouchers she could use to come visit anytime she wanted. </p><p>“Oh my darlings, that’s very generous,” she said.  “Too generous really.  You should take some of these for yourself.” </p><p>“No, they’re for you,” I said.  “Take them and use them so you can come visit me often.” </p><p>“Thank you both very much,” she said, tucking the cardboard sleeve back into the envelope. </p><p>“There’s this one too,” I said handing her a parcel wrapped in pretty Christmas paper. </p><p>“Oh, it’s heavy,” she said. </p><p>“I’ll pay excess luggage if need be,” I laughed. </p><p>As she opened the paper, Tom and I held hands and watched her face as she realised what she was holding.  The smile spread from ear to ear as she looked up, hands stroking our wedding album and said, “Thank you, this means a great deal to me.” </p><p>“It means a great deal to us too,” Tom said.  “Had my doubts we’d ever get there but we did.  Anyway, I hope you like it.  We put as many photos in there as we could and if you have a look here,” he said turning to the second page of the photo album, “you’ll see that we even managed to get a photo of the laptop with all of you on screen witnessing the ceremony so it’s like you were there with us.” </p><p>“They say things happen in threes,” Diana said.  “Now I have wedding albums for the three of you.  Thank you, I love it, and both of you very much.</p><p>         </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </p><p>
  <strong>18.3 FAREWELL DIANA</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Arriving at the shop the next morning so mum could say her goodbyes to Savannah, we found Maggie was already there as well.  I’d allowed plenty of time before we needed to be at the airport as I didn’t think this would be a quick goodbye.  I knew mum would want to have a chat with Savannah, as well as satisfy herself that Maggie was truly as nice as she seemed, and she’d want to watch the interactions between Savannah and Maggie just so she could satisfy herself that all would be well with the two of them.  And then there was the daughter in law she loved like her own daughter.  I don’t think I'll ever forget the look on mums face when we walked into the living room and found her with the medical records.  She later told me about the massive effort it took on her part to keep herself together and she said that, even though she’d always loved her ‘Dil’, she saw her through different eyes now and realised just how strong her ‘Dil’ was.  “I knew she was something special, I just never realised quite how special.  You treat her well son.” were the instructions I was given.  I think that goes without saying. </p><p>I eventually had to hurry them along a little as time seemed to get away as they sat chatting about Chris and Elsa’s wedding, the upcoming nuptials of Savannah and Theresa, and mum showing off our wedding photos in the album we’d given her.  A gift I don’t think we realised she’d treasure so much. It meant the world to her when we got married.  She’s always been a wonderful, warm, caring and affectionate mother and it meant the world to her to see me married, to the moment when she could finally, rightfully, call Missy ‘my Dil.’ </p><p>“Come on mum or we might get our wish of you staying for Christmas after all,” I told her. </p><p>“I’m coming,” she said still chatting and laughing as she made her way to the door. </p><p>“You coming love?” I asked. </p><p>She stood staring at us, eyes glistening with unshed tears and shook her head, “I can’t.” </p><p>“We can look after the shop.  Go,” Maggie said.  “Go on, off you go.” </p><p>“It’s not that,” she said.  “I just don’t think I can.  I’m sorry.” </p><p>“It’s ok Dil, I understand.  Come, give me a hug.  I’ll see you soon yes?  Have a wonderful Christmas whatever you choose to do.” </p><p>She buried her face in Mum’s shoulder as she hugged her tight. I could hear a muffled, ‘I will and you too,’ as she held mum, not wanting to let go. </p><p>“Sorry darling but you’re going to have to let go.  We need to go.” </p><p>Looking up at me, she shook her head, “I don’t want to let go.  If I don’t let go, she has to stay.” </p><p>I laughed, “I’ll just pick you up and carry you out while you’re holding her.” </p><p>Mum ended up giving her a gentle nudge, “I’ll see you soon Dil.” </p><p>Nodding, she watched as we walked to the door, then she turned and said something to Savannah and bolted up the stairs.  I looked over to Savannah and raised an eyebrow and mouthed the words, “is she ok?” </p><p>Savannah smiled, nodded and cupped her ear. </p><p>Listening I could hear footsteps running across the floor then running back then I saw her come running down the stairs, “Wait.  Wait for me, I’m coming too.” </p><p>… </p><p>Walking through the airport we attracted a little bit of attention but managed to get to check in without too many stares. We checked mum in then the time came to say our goodbyes.  The three of us stood hugging as we made mum promise to call us as soon as she got home then, with a few tears, we said our farewells.  Walking back through the airport we both kept our heads down and almost made it out before I was stopped.  After a very quick photo, I started walking, trying hard not to appear rude but wanting to get out without attracting any more attention.    </p><p>Making it to the car without further incident, we drove out of the airport parking lot before she spoke, “Why does she have to live so far away?” </p><p>“Well, technically we’re the ones that live far away.  She’s older and lived where she is first.” </p><p>“Don’t piss me off with your technicalities Hiddleston,” she shot back.  “I miss her already. Why don’t you miss her already?  She’s your mother, you should miss her already.” </p><p>“What’s going on love?  Why are you finding it so hard this time?  We’ve done this many times over the years, what’s so different about this time?” I asked. </p><p>“Not just this time,” she replied.  “If you cast your mind back, last time was no walk in the park either.  I don’t know what it is but the older I get the more I feel it.  It’s ridiculous really – my parents live an hour away and I could see them whenever I want but don’t feel the need to see them.  Your mum is halfway across the world and I want to see her every day.  I don’t understand it but that’s just how it is.  Maybe I need to talk to Michelle.” </p><p>“Maybe you do.  When’s your next session?” </p><p>“Tomorrow, just after lunch.” </p><p>I have no idea why she’s feeling it so much. Maybe with everything that’s happened in the last couple of weeks she sees mum as her safety net, someone there other than me that she can lean on a little.  I know she loves her parents, and in their own odd way, they love her also, but they’re not the most supportive or understanding people in the world and tend not to have a lot of time for her.  Mum on the other hand, has all the time in the world for her and genuinely cares.  I know if it wasn’t for the promise of spending time with mum, I’d never get her to agree to stay in the UK for long.   </p><p>“Are you going back to the shop for the day or would you like to do something?” I asked her.   </p><p>“I have to go pick up the head pieces for the girls wedding,” she said.  “What are you up to for the rest of the day?” </p><p>“I don’t really have anything planned.  I can run you around to do your errands if you want.” </p><p>“I might take you up on that,” she said. </p><p>We ran a lot of errands and ended up picking up wedding dresses and the wedding rings as well.  Everything seemed to be coming together for the girls wedding and she’d been on the phone to Elsa checking things her end.  From what I can tell, and I’m only a man so what would I know, it seems that they’ve organised everything they need to for the wedding.   </p><p>… </p><p>The next few days just seemed to fly by.  Mum called to say she’d made it home safely and that my sisters were looking forward to seeing all the wedding photos when they went for Christmas.  We’ve decided to head up to The Bay for Christmas as Maggie is spending Christmas with friends and Sparky is spending Christmas with his brother and family.  She made me go to the pub in the hope of seeing Sparky and making sure he wouldn’t be alone before she’d commit to any plans.  </p><p>As far as I know we’ll be spending early Christmas morning delivering food packages to those who need them before returning to Chris and Elsa’s for around 9 a.m.  She started doing the ‘soup kitchen’ work when I was away one year and she had nothing to do on Christmas morning and it’s now become a bit of a tradition.  I know she offers financial assistance to the local food charity and it’s the one time she’ll ask me for money as she likes to pass along gift certificates for the charity to hand out in addition to the financial support she provides.  All done on the proviso she remains anonymous.   </p><p>She saw Michelle and spoke to her about the difficulty she’s had with mum going home and Michelle seems to think it’s because mum is always so supportive and offers the comfort that she never gets from her own mother.  Michelle also said that there could be some abandonment issues because of the fact that mum now knows everything there is to know about the past and what happened to Missy and that she may feel that she’s unworthy of mum’s love...and mine.  She knows where she stands with me and we called mum, told her what Michelle said and mum assured her that knowing everything changes absolutely nothing, she’s still her ‘Dil.’  I can’t help but feel sorry for her, she seems to take 10 steps forward but always that one step back.  This one is only a baby step and after a few conversations with mum, she seems fine.  Mum said to call her whenever she feels the need – how lucky I am to have them both. </p><p>We went to the pub on Thursday night for karaoke and a few drinks with the boys as we knew it would be the last chance we’d get before Christmas and New Year.  It ended up being a rather late night, later than either one of us had intended so we only got a couple of hours sleep before we needed to get going for the day.  I was just about dead on my feet but she was fine, the woman doesn’t sleep much anyway so after her caffeine fix, was ready to face the day.  I begged off doing anything for a while and left her to go to the shop on her own.  Actually, it turned out rather well because it gave me a chance to get her Christmas gift and stash it in the car so I didn’t have to worry about her finding it.  Given that she hates surprises, I’m taking a chance by giving her this without prior knowledge, but I'm hoping that being around other people she won’t get too uptight about it...and I know she’s going to love it.  You’re going to have to wait to find out what it is.  Christmas isn’t that far away. </p><p>I called Elsa and Chris and told them we’d be up for Christmas and they asked if we’d be staying on into the New Year. I told them I wasn’t exactly sure how long we’d be there for but I assumed we probably would as I hadn’t heard any plans that would indicate otherwise.  There was a minor kerfuffle over when to close the shop.  We were wanting it closed at the end of trade on the 23rd but Savannah took a firm stance and said there would be too much money to be made on the 24th to consider not opening.  In the end we compromised and the shop will close at lunchtime on the 24th.  We’re heading to The Bay mid-morning on the 24th which should put us up there by dinnertime, allowing for heavy traffic.  I’m seriously looking forward to a week with no demands on our time; just us, free to wander and do as we please, a chance for us to reconnect with each other.  Maybe this could be the honeymoon we never got to have.  Whatever it is, I can’t wait. </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>This story has adult content that goes with. Unfortunately it's going to be a little confusing again as the adult story sits in the middle of this one.  I'll indicate where you should change over to the adult one, then you'll need to come back to read more of this one.  </p><p>
  <strong>18.3 HOLIDAYS AT LAST</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Please bring on Christmas, I need a break!  Talk about busy.  Savannah was right when she said it was all catching up with us and we were going to run out of time.  After deciding to head to The Bay for Christmas, I realised I had a major problem: Tom’s Christmas present.  It’s not like I can stash 2 four and half feet canvases in the back of the car and not have him notice them so I was left with the dilemma of what the hell to do with them.  After making a few phone calls to different courier companies, I was able to organise to have the canvases picked up and taken one third of the way, then have another courier pick them up and take them the rest of the way to Byron Bay township and Elsa said she’d go pick them up for me and hide them until we got there.  Now all I had to do was hope and pray that they didn’t get damaged on the truck.  They should be fine as I’ve had them packed in slim wooden crates.  Elsa said she’d call me once she had them and let me know if they seemed to be ok.  I had to try and stash the cufflinks but if I put them in my handbag, I should be fairly safe as Tom very rarely goes in there, says he’s scared of what he might find.   </p><p>Savannah and Theresa accepted the offer of moving into my house so that was one thing I could relax about.  I hated the thought of it sitting empty and I’m so happy that I know who will be living there.  They’re talking about staying in it for a couple of years so that they can save as much as possible and not have to get such a big loan.  I’m happy for them to stay as long as they want really.   </p><p>Karaoke night turned into a larger night than we’d planned but at least we’d caught up with everyone at the pub for a Christmas drink.  Tom was like a bear with a sore head the next day but I was fine, one of the advantages of being a chronic insomniac I suppose.  Due to time constraints, we didn’t get the chance to do a Christmas dinner with Savannah, Theresa and Maggie but they were ok with it.  Instead, we did pamper packs for them with wine, chocolates, bubble bath and a day spa voucher for them which I intend giving them before we leave on Christmas Eve.  I thought Savannah was going to give me a lot of grief over closing the shop, but luckily, we were able to reach a compromise.  That girl is far too stubborn for her own good, although she said the same thing to me. Maggie threatened to bang our heads together if we both didn’t stop.   My argument was that I was the owner and what I said should go but then Savannah had to go and throw my words back in my face saying that she was the manager and should run the shop the way she saw fit.  Thank goodness we have Tom and Maggie to act as the voice of reason – but I'm still right, it’s my shop and we should do it my way...just don’t tell Savannah I said that. </p><p>When it came time to pack, I sat in the middle of our bed, legs crossed, arms crossed and watched Tom pack his bag. </p><p>“Are you packing or willing your clothes into your bag?” he asked. </p><p>“Hoping of I sit here long enough the clothes might pack themselves,” I replied. </p><p>“What’s the problem?” he asked coming to sit on the bed with me. </p><p>“The problem is, I have no idea what to take or how much to take. I feel terrible saying this but, I almost wish it was us staying in the little cabin.  We never got to have a honeymoon and I’m a little bit envious that the girls get to have two weeks in the cabin with complete privacy and we’re staying in a house that’s never quiet and feels like it has a revolving door.” </p><p>“We don’t have to stay with Chris and Elsa if you don’t want to.  We can stay in a hotel or see if we can get an Airbnb.” </p><p>“No, I don’t mean it like that.  I love Chris and Elsa and I love staying with them, but it’s not the same as being completely on our own.” </p><p>“No, it’s not.  But we don’t have to spend every waking moment with them.  We’ll have plenty of time to ourselves.” </p><p>“I feel like an ungrateful spoilt little brat.  I’m sorry.  It’s fine, it’s just me wanting you all to myself.  Why does it feel like forever since we’ve not had to worry about being somewhere or doing something?  I just want to be with you, just you.” </p><p>He pulled me down on the bed and held me in his arms as he kissed my forehead, “How about we spend Christmas to New Year with Chris and Elsa then head somewhere else and have a week away, just the two of us?” </p><p>“Small matter of two boys, Bobby and Paddy, we can’t just up and leave without considering where we’re going and making sure they can come with us.” </p><p>“That’s true,” Tom said. </p><p>“It’s fine babe. We’ll just stay with Chris and Elsa. We can go for long walks and maybe just shut ourselves away when we feel the need.” </p><p>“We can come home early and do some day trips if you want.  Just close the door on the world.  I don’t care what we do as long as I’m with you,” he told me. </p><p>“I’ve missed you,” I said looking up at him as we lay together. </p><p>“I’ve been right here love,” he replied. </p><p>“I know, but I’ve missed this, just you and me and nothing to think about, nothing to worry about.  I’ve missed us.  To be honest I didn’t realise how much I'd missed it until just now.” </p><p>“I’ve missed it too but right now we need to finish up with packing and get organised if we’re going to get up there at a decent hour.  But first...” </p><p>Pulling me even closer, he bent down and rubbed his nose against mine, his lips hovering so close to mine I could feel his breath.  All it would take is a wriggle from me and our lips would be touching but for once in my life, even though I so desperately wanted his kiss, I was going to wait and see what he did.    </p><p>Slightly disappointed as he moved his head away instead of kissing me, I lay tensed up waiting to see what the next move was.  I felt his breath against my ear as he whispered to me, causing me to smile. </p><p>
  <b>Chapter 9: Part 1 of Getting Ready for the Holidays available in My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase should be read here, then you'll be directed to return to read the next part of this. </b>
</p><p>“You can have your wicked way with me again when we get there,” I told him pushing him away.  “Right now, we really need to get moving.” </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later, the car was packed, the dogs were crated and in the back, and we were ready to go.  I made a quick call to the shop just checking everything was going ok and to make sure Savannah was sticking to the plan and closing at midday. </p><p>“Everything ok?” I asked. </p><p>“Everything’s fine.  I thought you would have been gone by now,” she said. </p><p>“We got sidetracked and Tom...” I hesitated just the smallest amount and heard laughter. </p><p>“Say no more,” she chuckled.  “Have a wonderful Christmas and I’ll see you in a couple of days.” </p><p>“I’ll see you then.  Have a lovely Christmas, tell Maggie I said Merry Christmas and if you have any...” </p><p>“Goodbye Missy,” she said laughing as she hung up. </p><p>“Rude!” I said staring at the phone as Tom sat beside me chuckling.  “Oh, don’t even, just drive.” </p><p>Tom started the car, put it in gear then turned to me, “Are you sure you have everything? It’s not like we can just run back home and get it if you forget it.” </p><p>Doing a quick mental checklist, I marked off the most important things, his Christmas present, the girl's dresses, the girl's rings, their shoes, their head pieces, my camera, my laptop, extra camera battery...I kept marking things off in my head then nodded, “Yes, got it all. Oh shit, no wait.” </p><p>“What did you forget?” he asked. </p><p>“My clothes.  You distracted me and I left the bag in the bedroom,” I said as I went to unbuckle my seatbelt. </p><p>“I got your bag.  It’s in the back,” he told me. </p><p>“Oh, thank you.  Then yes, I’ve got everything.  No, I haven’t forgotten anything.” </p><p>“Ok, let’s roll,” he said. </p><p>We were both super excited about the time away.  Just the thought of a week, maybe two, with not a care in the world, no work, no studio, no shop, no phone calls saying ‘we need you to reshoot’, nothing.  The chance to fall in love with my husband all over again was such a beautiful thought – not that I'm not in love with him but, you know what it’s like when you’re on holidays and you reconnect on a different level, it’s just the best. </p><p>Four hours into the trip and I could see Tom squirming in his seat and asked, “Are you ok? You’ve got the fidgets?  Do you want me to drive?” </p><p>“No, I’m fine,” he insisted. </p><p>“Pull over at the next rest stop,” I said, “We can let the boys out for a toilet break and I'll take over driving.” </p><p>“I’m fine to drive but I'll pull over for the dogs,” he said. </p><p>As we neared the next rest stop, I could see he was still squirming in his seat and he kept pulling at his jeans, “What the hell is wrong with y....ohhhh.” </p><p>He turned to look at me, “Yes, ohhhhh.  You know this is all your fault.  If you hadn’t insisted on being naughty when you should have been packing this wouldn’t be happening now.” </p><p>“Not my fault you have a dirty mind,” I laughed as he pulled into the rest stop.  “Pull over up there, under the trees out of the way of everyone.” </p><p>He pulled up behind a copse of trees, that offered a lot shade as they were quite thick, effectively blocking us from view from most people. </p><p>Unbuckling his seat belt, he went to get out the car but I stopped him. “Just a minute,” I said. </p><p>“What is it?” he asked.   </p><p>Unbuckling my belt, I said, “My turn to drive.” </p><p>
  <b>Chapter 9:  Part 2 of Getting Ready for the Holidays (chapter available in My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase should be read here. </b>
</p><p>We let the boys out for a quick toilet break then put them back in their crates, much to their disgust then continued our trip, arriving at Chris’s place just on dinner time. </p><p>After a quick hello, we got the dogs out and let them pee then they took off to run with Sunny.  We unpacked the car, careful to tell each other ‘don’t look under there’ or ‘don’t touch that, I’ll get it.’ </p><p>Finally, it was time to relax.  Chris handed us both a beer, and while Tom and Chris had a chat, Elsa quickly called me to where she’d stashed Tom’s canvases. </p><p>“Everything seems to be ok with them,” she told me.   </p><p>“Thanks so much for that.  I had no idea how the hell I was supposed to get them here.  Can you keep him distracted for a couple of minutes while I just go grab something out the car?” </p><p>“Of course,” she answered. </p><p>Rejoining them, I sat and started chatting when Tom stood and excused himself saying he had something he needed to do. </p><p>“I’ll come help,” I said knowing full well he was going to get my Christmas present out of the car. </p><p>“You will not.  You’ll stay put and behave yourself,” he laughed. </p><p>Once we sure the children were all asleep, the magic of Christmas happened.  These people were my kind of people and didn’t go over the top and flaunt their wealth.  The gifts they give are well thought out and with special meaning.  Even the children are not given a huge amount, as the belief is that Santa shouldn’t leave a lot for privileged children but only a small amount for those who are not as privileged, when they’ve been equally well behaved throughout the year. </p><p>Time for me to finish this one off.  Tom and I want to wish you all the merriest of Christmases and hope that no matter where you are, or how you celebrate, you find happiness.  Our wish is that next Christmas families can all share the joy together again.   </p><p>Merry Christmas. </p><p>
  
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. 19.1 Missy's Gift, 19.2 Friendship, Fun and Food, 19.3 Savannah and Theresa get Married, 19.4 Celebration Time</h2></a>
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  <strong>19.1  MISSY'S GIFT</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Before I even opened my eyes, I was smiling.  The sound of the ocean reminded me that I was on holidays with my husband, not a care in the world...well, very few, and it was Christmas Day.  Getting up, I went to the bathroom, tidied myself up and put some clothes on before sneaking back into the bedroom. </p><p>“Merry Christmas my love,” I heard from the bed. </p><p>“Merry Christmas my gorgeous man.  I didn’t mean to wake you.  I’ll be back in a couple of hours ok?” I said as I went to the bed, leaned down and kissed him. </p><p>“You sure I can’t come?” he asked with a pout.  “I’d like to be with you.” </p><p>“I know you would and I love you for offering but we’ve been through this before.  I’ll only be a couple of hours. I love you.” </p><p>“Mmm, and I love you.  Ok, I’ll see you soon,” he said. </p><p>Walking quietly through the house, I gave Paddy a scratch on the head as he walked up to me then told him I’d be back soon.  I was almost through to the entryway when Chris came up behind me.   </p><p>“Wait up, I’ll come with you.  This lot will sleep for a while yet, then they’ll want something to eat before they open their gifts,” he said. </p><p>“No, it’s fine.  You stay here, I’ll go.  I won’t be long,” I said.  “It’s just delivering a few care packages and food hampers then I’ll be back.” </p><p>“I don’t mind Missy, I’ll be happy to come.” </p><p>“Chris, how do I put this nicely...  I don’t let Tom come with me for a reason, he attracts attention.  At home I do this and offer financial assistance on the condition of anonymity.  I appreciate you wanting to come but really would prefer to do this on my own.  I know you’re local and everyone knows you, and I know you guys support the local charities but this is something I like to do on my own.” </p><p>“All good, I totally understand.  Let me write you a cheque at least to take with you,” he offered. </p><p>“That, I’ll take you up on.  I hit Tom up every year for a donation.” </p><p>5 minutes later, cheque in hand I was out the door and in the car.  Arriving at the address I was given, I parked the car and went to the roller shutter.  Peering inside, I was greeted by a woman in her mid 50’s with long greying hair left loose and dressed in a tie-dyed skirt and gypsy style white top with leather sandals on her feet.  She had the warmest smile and sparkling eyes full of mischief.   </p><p>“Hi, you must be Missy,” she said offering her hand, “I’m Saffron, good to see you.  If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you where the food and gift hampers are.” </p><p>Following her across a huge room, I could see rows of baskets and boxes ready to go.  Saffron explained what I should do and say as I delivered the packages, me nodding as she explained. </p><p>“You’ve done this before haven’t you?” she asked, smile on her face. </p><p>Nodding, I smiled back, “At time or two; but not here.  Back where I live, I volunteer in the soup kitchen then deliver packages.  Oh, here, these are for you,” I said, reaching into my pocket and pulling out the two cheques, one from Tom, one from Chris.  “I have gift certificates in the car too.” </p><p>“Gift certificates?” Saffron questioned. “For who?” </p><p>“Back home I add gift certificates to the hampers.  I won’t give cash because it’s too easy to use the money on drugs or alcohol but we’ve found a gift certificate is almost always used on essentials.” </p><p>“That’s very generous of you Missy,” she said as she looked at the cheques then smiled.  “Ah, I see.” </p><p>“They offered to come and help but this is something I do for me, and always on the understanding that everything stays quiet and out of the media.” </p><p>“I promise you it will get no further than us,” she assured me. </p><p>“Thank you,” I replied. </p><p>Two hours later, I’d finished delivering all the packages on the list I was given and was headed back ‘home.’ </p><p>Pulling up, I turned the car off, inhaled the salt air and headed inside ready for the controlled chaos of Christmas day at the Hemsworth household. </p><p>As I walked through the house, I could hear laughter; lots of it and it made me smile.  As I walked in the room, Tom jumped up, came over me and lifted me off my feet as he hugged me. </p><p>“Perfect timing,” he said as he put me back down on the floor.  “We’re just about to start opening gifts.” </p><p>“Oh awesome,” I said.  “Hold on while I just grab some stuff from our room.” </p><p>Running into our room I grabbed the box with the cufflinks in it and the gift Diana had left in my keeping for Tom. </p><p>Joining everyone in the living room, I sat beside Tom and laughed and smiled along with the others as we watched the reactions of the children’s faces as they opened their gifts and hung off the adults as they opened theirs.   </p><p>Tom handed me a gift and smiled as he said, “This one’s from Mum.” </p><p>Opening the large, well wrapped package, I pulled out a new camera bag and smiled.  “She told me I needed a new one because the zip on mine doesn’t work and she was worried I was going to lose the telephoto lens.  That’s so sweet of her.” </p><p>“Well, it has almost fallen out a couple of times,” he said. </p><p>“Here,” I said handing him a parcel.  “This is from your mum.” </p><p>Watching his face as he unwrapped the gift, I had the camera ready so I could get the reaction when he saw what his mother had given him.  He pulled the last piece of tape off and pulled the paper apart and I snapped just at the right moment capturing the element of surprise but also pleasure on his face as he looked down at the signed lithograph from The Jungle Book. </p><p>“I’ll have to call her as soon and thank her,” he said looking at the gift.   </p><p>I was just happy I got the reaction and I’d be able to send Diana the photo. </p><p>“This one’s from me,” I said handing him the box.   </p><p>Carefully opening the tape, he lifted the lid off the small box and smiled as he looked inside.  Pulling me close, he hugged me, then gave me a quick kiss on the lips.  “These are amazing,” he said, smiling.  “Where on earth did you find them?” </p><p>“I had them made.  I just thought it was fitting given you finally had your own series.  Hope you like them.” </p><p>“I do darling, they’re gorgeous.” </p><p>We watched Chris and Elsa open their gifts to each other, then Tom handed me one.  “From me and I hope I got it right,” he said. </p><p>With a quizzical look, I took the rectangular package from him.  Undoing the tape, I moved the paper to the side and gasped.  “Oh my God, it’s perfect. How did you know which one?  I love it.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.” I said looking at the brand new digital SLR camera he’d given me. </p><p>Jumping up I beckoned for him to follow me and Chris tagged along. Tom looked at me, then at Chris and frowned. </p><p>Laughing, Chris said, “Don’t worry mate, it’ll all make sense soon.” </p><p>With Elsa joining us, we stood in front of the wooden crates, where Chris handed Tom a hammer and small crowbar.   </p><p>“What the bloody hell am I supposed to do with those?” Tom asked. </p><p>At this stage the children had joined us and Tristan made us laugh when he told Tom, “Just bash it Uncle Tom.” </p><p>“Open them,” Chris and I said. </p><p>Looking to me, he asked, “They’re for me?”  </p><p>“Sure are.” </p><p>He opened the first one which was the one with all his movie characters on it and turned to me, “I love this! Thank you.  I know exactly where I want to hang it,” he said.   </p><p>“And where’s that?” I asked. </p><p>“In the games room,” he answered. </p><p>“Ok, I like that idea.  So, open the other one,” I prompted. </p><p>Using the crowbar again, he levered the second packing crate open and laughed, “You worked with my mother for this didn’t you?”  </p><p>Smiling at the look on his face, I nodded, “I most certainly did, but she was a willing accomplice.  I hope you like it.” </p><p>“I love it, but where on Earth did you find time to get these done?” </p><p>“It wasn’t easy and I was blessed that things fell into place the way they did.  Where do you want to hang it?” </p><p>“I’m going to leave that up to you my love, because you’re going to have to look at it every day too.” </p><p>“Such a terrible hardship,” I laughed, “it’s torture having to look at your face all the time.  Wherever shall we put it that it won’t burn a hole in my retinas?” </p><p>“Hey,” he protested while Chris and Elsa were chuckling in the background. </p><p>“These are gorgeous Missy,” Elsa said.  “Can I get the name of the company that you went to, I want some of the kids done to hang.” </p><p>“What, I don’t get one too?”  Chris sulked. </p><p>“Why would I want one of you?” she asked, I see you all the time. </p><p>“Harsh,” Chris responded as Elsa collapsed into fits of laughter at Chris’s reaction. </p><p>“I think I’d like to put this in the living room, over by the sideboard.  We can move it down the wall a little and hang this beside my landscapes.  If we move the sideboard down a bit, it’ll mean that everything’s still centred.  I think I’m going to get another one done too.” </p><p>“Of what?” Elsa asked. </p><p>“I want one of Tom and me through the years.  I think I'll put it in our bedroom.” </p><p>“Oh, I think I’d like to do that too.” </p><p>Walking back to the living room, we sat down and opened gifts from Chris and Elsa, and watched as they opened gifts from us.  There was nothing extravagant, just little personal gifts that we chose for each other.  We’d finished unwrapping everything and the children were playing with their gifts, while Chris and Elsa enjoyed a quiet moment watching their offspring, Elsa curled up on Chris’s lap.  </p><p>“Thanks for everything darling,” Tom said to me. </p><p>“You’re welcome, I’m glad you like them all.  We’ll need to call your mum very shortly or it’s going to be too late,” I told him. </p><p>“In just a minute my love,” he answered.  “I have one last thing for you.” </p><p>“You really shouldn’t have,” I said to him.  “The camera is more than enough.” </p><p>“It isn’t much but, I hope you like it.  I want it to be a constant reminder,” he said handing me a small package. </p><p>Carefully unwrapping the gift wrap, I held a small box in my hands with a reputable jeweler's name emblazoned on it.   </p><p>Looking up at Tom, I frowned and said, “Not much? This isn’t no...” </p><p>Holding his hand up he said, “Can we not? Please? I know we don’t do expensive gifts, but when you see this you’ll understand.  Now, can you please open it and not argue with me about it?” </p><p>Shooting him a quick glare to silently voice my displeasure I opened the box and gasped, tears beginning to form.  There, nestled on a bed of white foam was a beautiful gold chain with a gold phoenix on it.  The eyes were chips of emerald then the tail had been set with chips of Mexican fire opal, yellow diamond, pink ruby, red ruby and blue sapphire.  It was an absolutely stunning piece of craftsmanship and the meaning behind it meant so much.  Out of the ashes the phoenix rises.   </p><p>“Do you like it?” Tom asked uncertainly.  “It’s hard to tell with the silence whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing.” </p><p>Incapable of speech at that point, I simply nodded as the first of the tears overflowed and splashed down my cheek. </p><p>“Will you excuse us for just a minute?” Tom asked Chris and Elsa as he took my hand and dragged me behind him to our room.  Once inside he pulled me close and held me tight.  “I didn’t want to upset you love.  I didn’t mean to do that, I just thought it was...” </p><p>“...the most wonderful and thoughtful gift you’ve ever given me.  I love it.  And yes, it will be a constant reminder that I can rise above anything.  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get all emotional but it’s just such a beautiful piece and the sentiment behind it just overwhelmed me for a second.  Will you put it on for me?” </p><p>Taking it out of the box, Tom put it around my neck, did it up then let it fall into place.  It sat beautifully midway on my chest so the tail trailed down towards the swell of my breasts.  Having a quick look in the mirror I caught his eye and smiled, “It’s stunning,” I said. </p><p>“It certainly is,” he replied as he bent down and kissed me neck.  “The necklace looks pretty good too.  Merry Christmas my love.” </p><p>“Merry Christmas my darling” </p><p>And Merry Christmas to all of you. </p><p>
  
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  <strong>19.2 FRIENDSHIP, FUN AND FOOD</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Rejoining the others, we had to laugh at Sasha as he had the hammer and chisel Tom had used to open the wooden crates, and was using them to break open a plaster ball he’d been given that had ‘dinosaur’ bones hidden in it.  The explorers kit came with its own digging tool but Sasha had had enough of being patient with the tool and decided to take matters into his own hands.  There were bits of plaster flying everywhere but he was determined he was finding the ‘bones.’   </p><p>Elsa commented on the necklace saying how beautiful it was, which started a fresh batch of tears so we explained the significance behind the phoenix and how we’d burned all the sheets of the medical reports then tossed them to the wind.   </p><p>We rang Diana and thanked her for our gifts with Tom telling her how much he loved the lithograph.  I could hear the smile in her voice as we spoke, she was happy he liked it.   </p><p>“Thanks for the camera bag Diana.  You couldn’t have picked better, Tom bought me a new camera and the bag will be perfec...oh,” I stopped.  “God I’m thick.  You already knew Tom was getting me the camera but used my broken one as an excu...well played MIL, very well played.” </p><p>“Oh Dil, you make me laugh, you’re not thick...just a little slow sometimes,” Diana joked. </p><p>We chatted for another couple of minutes then Diana said she was heading for bed as the girls were due just after breakfast and she had a few things to take care of in the morning.   </p><p>“That’s right, abandon me again,” I said trying to keep the laughter out of my voice. </p><p>“Oh, you’re so hard done by Dil, however do you survive?” she asked me, trying equally hard to keep the laughter out of her voice.  “Go on, go enjoy your Christmas.  Love to you both.” </p><p>Craig and Leonie decided that they’d have everyone at their house for Christmas lunch so at 11.30 there were piles of gifts loaded into cars and we headed to join them.  Chaos reigned for the next 10 minutes as cousins greeted each other and tried to talk over each other so they could tell what gifts Santa Claus had left for them and how they’d heard Santa on the beach, or the roof or in the yard.  Brothers, greeted brothers and there were Merry Christmases, hugs, kisses and general bedlam as everyone slowly made their way inside, arms full of gifts that were place under the tree to be handed out once everyone had settled down.  The children were the first to open theirs and it was done in a very calm and orderly fashion.  A gift was pulled from under the tree, the name was called and we all watched as that person opened their gift.  Everyone got to be the centre of attention for a brief moment and thank you’s were able to be heard over the general noise that accompanies a larger family. </p><p>The gifts were again, small and personal, Tom and I received books which is always appreciated and gave us both something to read when we were relaxing by the beach.  Lunch was a wonderful, happy affair with love, laughter and good food.  The afternoon was spent playing with the kids, chatting about the morning and generally reconnecting.  These people were very family oriented and genuinely enjoyed being with each other.  The boys wandered off to watch some cricket and then play cricket with the kids while talk with the girls turned to Savannah and Theresa’s wedding.  Whilst Samantha, Gabriella and Leonie didn’t know Sav and Tess, they said they felt like they did because of Elsa bouncing ideas off them over the past few weeks and were looking forward to witnessing the ceremony.  </p><p>“Any excuse for a party in this family,” Samantha laughed.  “We love a good get together.” </p><p>“I just hope they like what we’ve planned,” I said.  “And that their bloody dresses fit.” </p><p>I received quizzical looks and explained how they refused to try their dresses on so was hoping for the best.  </p><p>The afternoon wore on and we all took our leave, returning back ‘home’ where Tom and I decided to go for a walk along the beach.  Strolling along, hand in hand, we stopped occasionally to pick up a pretty shell or gather rubbish that had washed up along the shore.  Each time you come to the beach here, you practice ‘take 3 for the sea’ meaning you pick up at least 3 bits of rubbish and put it in the bin when you leave, that way it leaves the beaches in pristine condition and everyone does their bit for the environment. </p><p>Dinner was a relaxed, informal affair and everyone decided an early night was in order with Tom and I laying in bed watching tv for a while before I lay curled up in Tom’s arms, the sound of the sea in the background lulling me into a restful sleep, the beautiful phoenix around my neck sparkling in the light from the tv. </p><p>… </p><p>The next morning dawned with overcast skies and I began crossing my fingers that the weather Gods would smile on us for tomorrow as everything was organised around the girls getting married on the beach.  Laying in bed, I grabbed my phone and checked the weather report; cloudy but fine today and sunny tomorrow with the temperature quite warm but not so warm you wouldn’t want to be outside. </p><p>Leaving Tom to have a lie in, I headed for the kitchen and coffee.  I could hear India talking and entered the room to find her sitting behind her mother brushing Elsa’s hair and chatting about how she liked it when Elsa had longer hair because it meant she could ‘do stuff’ to it. </p><p>“Look there’s Aunt Missy, her hair’s getting longer.  Maybe you could do her hair while I go make coffee?”  </p><p>“Can I do your hair?” she asked.   </p><p>Giving Elsa a look I said, “I can make the coffee.” </p><p>“No, no, that’s fine,” Elsa quickly said.  “You can come get your hair pull, I mean brushed for a little while.  She’s getting much better at it now.” </p><p>Mouthing the words, ‘you owe me’ I smiled and crossed the floor. “Sure, I’ll get my hair brushed while I wait for Tom to get up.” </p><p>“Is Uncle Tom still sleeping?” the little girl with her daddy’s smile but her mumma’s face asked me. </p><p>“No sweetie, he’s awake.  He’s just being lazy.  You can go jump on him if you want.” </p><p>“In a little while.  I’ll do your hair first so that you look more beautiful.” </p><p>Kids; they get me every time.   </p><p>… </p><p>Mid-morning saw us outside setting up the archway that Savannah and Theresa would walk through to get to the beach for the ceremony.  I was on the phone double checking a few last-minute things with a couple of people and calling my cousin to make sure everything was still on schedule.  Thankfully everything seemed to be running smoothly.  Can we be lucky enough to go three for three without hassles, ours, the Hemsworths and Savannah’s?   Keep your fingers crossed for us. </p><p>The girls were due to arrive midafternoon and had sent a text saying they were making good time and could see no reason why they wouldn’t be on time.  Elsa and I spent some time making sure dresses were hanging nicely to ensure there were no creases.  The bouquets were being delivered in the morning as was the food.  Chris and Elsa had decided to hire a local couple who would take care of the food because as she said, they’d all be watching the service and didn’t want to have to worry about the food side of things...as she was paying for the catering, I didn’t really care what she did as long as there was something for everyone to eat.   </p><p>Just before 3 p.m Savannah called to say they were in Byron Bay and wanted directions.  Tom offered to drive into town so the girls could follow him back, which we agreed to as we were running through the list of food that had been ordered, and making sure all the other last-minute details had been taken care off. </p><p>Satisfied we’d thought of everything we sat down to relax for a few minutes when we heard the cars pull up.  Going out to greet the girls, I’d no sooner said hi when I had a piece of paper thrust at me by Savannah.  Looking down at the folded rectangular paper, I opened it and looked at her, surprised look on my face. </p><p>“Why the hell are you giving me a cheque for $5 000?” I asked. </p><p>“Because neither you or Elsa have told us how much we owe you so we decided to just do it this way,” Savannah answered. </p><p>Handing the cheque back to her, I said, “Take it back.  We haven’t told you because we haven’t worked it out yet.  We were still getting bits and pieces on Christmas Eve.  Take it back and we’ll work it out in the next couple of days...and it’s nowhere near that much.” </p><p>“But it has to be with everything you’ll have had to do,” Theresa argued. </p><p>“Dresses were on sale, my cousin is charging me mates' rates so it’s next to nothing, the rings weren’t as much as I expected, Elsa organised the flowers and said they weren’t very expensive, she’s organised the food and is paying for that because it’s her family that are going to be here and you didn’t invite them, they just love a get together... don’t argue with her she’ll tell you to pull your head in... you're not wearing fancy shoes, the head pieces are all recycled materials; honestly, it hasn’t really cost that much.  Now, rather than standing here and arguing with me, wouldn’t you rather come in and say hi then we can get you settled in the cottage?” </p><p>“I really need to pee,” Savannah told me quietly. “Point me to a bathroom.” </p><p>Showing her where the bathroom was, I waited nearby for her so I could take her to where everyone else was gathered.  Theresa decided she may as well go while we were there, then I took them through to the living room where they said hi and were offered a drink or to be taken straight to the cottage.   </p><p>“If it’s ok with you, I’d love a cold drink,” Savannah said.  “I’ve been too scared to drink anything because I needed to pee and I’m absolutely parched.  Oh sorry, that was probably more than you needed to know.” </p><p>Laughing at her openness Elsa said, “No, just makes you part of the family really.  There’s not a lot of boundaries here, you’ll fit right in.  Stay for dinner if you want.  We can get you settled in at the cottage then come back to eat.  We’re just having cold ham and salad out on the terrace.”   </p><p>“Oh, we don’t want to impose,” Theresa said. </p><p>“You’re not,” Chris said.  “Give you a chance to talk through tomorrow anyway.” </p><p>“Well, only if you’re sure.  Thanks, that would be great.” </p><p>We showed the girls to the cottage, and once again, a little part of me was envious that it was them and not me.  I know, first world problems right. Here was me stuck in a 6 bedroom beachside mansion with every modern convenience known to man and I craved the solitude of a small 2 bedroom cottage that didn’t even have a dishwasher, ungrateful brat that I am.  I guess really as long as I had Tom with me it didn’t matter where I was.  Bring on tomorrow so I can see these girls married, hopefully as happy as Tom and I and Chris and Elsa have been, and then we can all relax, truly unwind and enjoy our holiday.  </p><p> </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>19.3 SAVANNAH AND THERESA GET MARRIED</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>A note from me.  I do not intend any offence to First Nation People with this story. If I cause offence I apologise unreservedly.  It is my intention to honour certain rituals and acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land. </p><p>19.2 Savannah and Theresa Get Married </p><p>Savannah and Theresa came down to the main house after breakfast so we could start getting them ready. This was going to be a ceremony with a difference and the first thing I wanted was for them to try their dresses on.    They insisted that neither see the other in their dress before the ceremony as it was considered bad luck, but as I pointed out, traditionally they weren’t supposed to have spent the night together either.  Savannah said she didn’t care about that, but didn’t want to see Theresa in her dress.  Elsa went with Theresa, I went with Savannah so we could see how the dresses fit, then we were going to do a swap just so we could both satisfy ourselves as to whether the dresses fit or not. </p><p>Savannah slipped into hers then called me into the little bedroom that would be India’s in time.  Walking in and seeing her in the dress made me smile.   </p><p>“You look absolutely stunning.  Turn around and let me tighten it a bit for you,” I said to her.  “There, now show me.” </p><p>She turned back to me and said, “I feel like a princess.  I love the dress, it’s something I would have looked at and loved but never picked.  I don’t know how to thank you enough.” </p><p>“Let’s just get through the day, then you can worry about thanking me.” </p><p>“Missy, can I ask you something?” </p><p>“Of course, what is it?” </p><p>“Could you ask Tom to come in for a minute?” </p><p>Smiling to myself, I nodded.  He did have impeccable taste so who better to give an opinion.  “Sure, just sit tight for a minute.” </p><p>Returning a couple of minutes later with Tom, we knocked softly on the door and heard, “Come in.”  </p><p>I walked ahead of Tom and turned so I could see his face when he saw her.  His smile said it all.   </p><p>“You look simply stunning Savannah.  I really mean that, you look beautiful.” </p><p>She blushed and put her head down, took a deep breath and looked up again.  “I don’t have family as you both know...” </p><p>“We’re your family” Tom said. </p><p>“I’m glad you said that,” Savannah smiled shyly, “Tom, I was wondering if you’d walk me down the beach and give me away?  You don’t hav..” </p><p>“I’d be honored,” he said before she could finish. </p><p>“Really?” she said, finally exhaling as he nodded.  “Thank you.” </p><p>“I don’t have a suit with me but I can probably borrow one from Chris.” </p><p>“No, I don’t want you in a suit.  Just whatever you were wearing.  We don’t want formal anything.  Jeans if you want, I really don’t care.” </p><p>“If you two are right I need to go check in with Theresa.  I’ve got a couple of things I need to talk over with her.  I’ll send Elsa in.” </p><p>We’d put Theresa in the media room as it had its own bathroom, so I headed in there and sent Elsa to go check on Savannah.   </p><p>“Do you like the dress?” I asked.  “I’ve been more nervous about yours than Sav’s because I know her a little better than I know you.” </p><p>“It’s what I would have chosen for myself,” she said.  “It’s beautiful.” </p><p>“Are you happy with the fit?” I asked.  “Personally, I think it could have been just a little tighter under your boobs but that’s just me.” </p><p>“No, I like it like this.  It’s not tight when I sit and doesn’t rub so it’s really comfortable.  Did Savannah see Tom?”  Theresa asked. </p><p>“She did.  He said yes,” I replied with a smile. </p><p>“She was going to ask you at first,” Theresa said.  “But I asked her not to.” </p><p>I couldn’t help but look a little surprised when she said that. </p><p>“Not because I didn’t want you to do it.  Not that at all.  But I did have an ulterior motive.  I know you’re a lot closer to Savannah, but you and I have something in common and the reason I didn’t want Savannah to ask you to give her away is because I was wondering if you’d do me the honor of giving me away.” </p><p>“Really?” I asked.  “You really want me to give you away?” </p><p>“I’d like you to if you don’t mind.” </p><p>“I’d love to.  I hope you don’t mind, but I asked Savannah about your ancestry; you’re Ku-Ring-Gai people, from Ku-Ring-Gai Nation, is that right?” </p><p>“It is, but it’s quite a few generations back.” </p><p>“Aboriginality was once explained to me this way:  When you make a cup of tea, it doesn’t matter how much milk you put in it, it’s still a cup of tea.  Aboriginality is like that: it doesn’t matter how far back you have to go, you’re still Aboriginal.  For me it’s my 4 times great grandmother on my father’s side.  I’m Worimi Nation.” </p><p>“I’m also 4 times great grandmother but on my mother’s side.  I’m proud of my ancestry and wish I’d thought to incorporate something in the ceremony today.” </p><p>“I’m assuming this is what you were talking about when you said we had something in common?” I asked looking at her as she nodded.  “I’m glad you wanted to incorporate something.  I’ve asked *Aunty Yindi of Bundjalung Nation to come today.  She’s going to accept the acknowledgement and do the smoking ceremony.  She’s also bringing paint if you want paint your face, but that’s entirely up to you.” </p><p>“Will you paint your face?” she asked me. </p><p>“Yes, if I’m giving you away.  Do you know your markings?” I questioned. </p><p>Nodding that she did, I smiled back.  “I’ve also got feathers for your hair piece and I’ve added bark from here.” </p><p>Finishing up with Theresa, she squeezed my hand and thanked me for thinking of her ancestry.  I told her I wasn’t sure if she’d want to go with it so could cancel it at any time but Aunty Yindi was staying regardless because I was going to do the acknowledgement if nothing else, it’s just common courtesy.   </p><p>Rejoining the others, we all sat about for half an hour and relaxed with a coffee before things became chaotic and everyone started getting ready.  It was going to take Theresa and I a little longer to get ready, but we’d allowed time for that. </p><p>“Elsa, I need you to take photos until I can take over. It will only be for a few minutes but I just need you to get the first bit for me,” I said.  “Theresa has asked me to give her away.  The camera is easy to use, I can give you a quick run-down on it if you need.”  </p><p>“Can I use the old one?” she asked.  “I’ve used it before.” </p><p>“New one is the same principal.  You’ll be fine.” </p><p>… </p><p>Aunty Yindi arrived with the paint then she went outside to get ready for the smoking ceremony.  Malcolm had called to say he’d be here at about 1.50p.m, and everything else had been seen to.  All that was left to do was to get dressed and put the head piece on then paint our faces.  Running between Savannah and Theresa for a few minutes I was happy that Savannah was fine under Elsa’s care and Tom was on standby for when we were ready. </p><p>Theresa stood in front of the bathroom mirror and painted a thick white stripe across her forehead then a thin white stripe across her nose.  She then added two yellow dots on her chin and 6 white dots under her right eye running down her cheek towards her mouth. This was all to do with her Nation and her Totem. </p><p>I painted a thinner white line across my forehead with a thin yellow line under it then I smudged both of them, I repeated these lines on my chin and smudged them again, then I added a short, thick white line either side of my nose running across my cheek bone.  These were to do with my Nation and my Totem.  I didn’t ask Theresa the meaning of hers and she didn’t ask me the meaning of mine.  These lines were for our people, our mob** and had meaning to them. The lines were not random, and we are strictly limited to the markings for our Nation, our people. </p><p>I threaded the bark and feathers through Theresa’s head piece then handed her a bracelet that was red, yellow and black woven cotton.  These colours are the colours of the Aboriginal flag:  the black represents the people, the red represents the earth and red ochre, which is used for body paint, the yellow represents the sun, the life giver and yellow ochre, which is also used for body paint.  Once I’d tied to the bracelet, I stood back and checked her over.  She looked amazing; a mix of two worlds, two traditions, some of those traditions dating back millennia. </p><p>“Can someone please let Savannah know about my markings?  I don’t want it to be a complete surprise because we hadn’t really talked about it.” </p><p>Chris came and knocked on the door telling us that everyone was ready, my cousin was here and ready to go, Tom and Savannah were ready to go too. He looked a little surprised when he saw our faces but smiled and nodded, then pointed to his own face and said, “Cool, didn’t know you were doing that.” </p><p>“Neither did we until an hour ago.  Can you let Savannah know, Theresa doesn’t want to shock the hell out of her.  Best let Tom know too.” </p><p>Chris nodded, “Can do.  You look amazing, both of you.” </p><p>Once Chris had gone, I turned and said, “Ready?” </p><p>Clutching her bouquet of fake flowers, Theresa linked arms with me, took a deep breath and nodded, “Let’s do it.” </p><p>Sliding on a pair of sandals each, we walked across the yard to the edge of the sand where we kicked the sandals off. </p><p>Tom and Savannah were already on the beach but were away from everyone else and would walk towards us when we got to the beach.   </p><p>Walking through the archway Chris had put up before, Theresa’s hand squeezed my arm and I smiled remembering that moment I saw Tom standing waiting for me when we got married.  I would have loved to have had the Aunties involved but it was mum’s side of the family at the wedding not dad’s.  Never mind, we got married and that’s what mattered. </p><p>As we stepped onto the beach, the ‘family’ Including Diana who was watching via video call on an ipad that Liam was holding, were standing nearby, Aunty Yindi was waiting for us and I said to her, “I would like to acknowledge the Bundjalung people, the traditional custodians of this land.  I would like to pay my respects to Elders past and present, and I extend that respect to other Indigenous people who are present.” </p><p>Theresa repeated the acknowledgement, then I added, “I am Worimi Nation people, thank you for allowing me to visit your Nation.” </p><p>Theresa added, “I am Ku-Ring-Gai Nation people, thank you for allowing me to visit your Nation.” </p><p>Aunty Yindi nodded and stepped back allowing us to walk on the beach toward the spot the ceremony was to be held which was indicated by a small fire nearby.  As Theresa and I started walking, the ‘family’ following, Tom and Savannah came from the other way and I know the moment Theresa had seen Savannah because her breath caught in her chest and she murmured, “Oh my God, she’s stunning.” </p><p>From all accounts Savannah was quite nervous according to Elsa and she was hoping that Tom would be able to calm her down.  She ended up calling Tom in to just sit and chat while she finished off Sav’s makeup and added her headpiece. </p><p>We stood near the fire, in front of my cousin who smiled at us then asked who gave the women to each other.  Tom and I both said, “We do” signaling our part of the ceremony was over and we could go back and join everyone else, and I could start taking photos. </p><p>Tom turned to me, smiled and whispered, “You look beautiful.” </p><p>Smiling back at him, I leaned against him briefly and said, “You don’t look too bad yourself.” </p><p>He chuckled quietly and said, “I meant this,” as he pointed to the markings on my face. </p><p>Tom took the iPad from Liam, as I took the camera from Elsa and thanked her, then headed to where Aunty Yindi was standing holding some smoking Emu Bush which she waved around Savannah and Theresa and murmured some words, then blew the smoke at them.  This ceremony was a cleansing ceremony to ward off bad spirits from people and the land so that they could start their future together on a positive and bright note. </p><p>When she was finished the ceremony Aunty Yindi stood at the very back of everyone, stern look on her face as she watched on. </p><p>Savannah and Theresa stood facing each other, big smiles on their faces now that they were with each other.  Malcolm did the official ‘If anyone has any reason why these two should not marry speak now or forever hold your peace.’  As he said that I looked at Aunty Yindi and she looked at me then Theresa who also glanced at her. When no one said anything there was a collective sigh and the ceremony continued. </p><p>Surprisingly they opted to say quite a bit of the traditional vows then added their own little speech to each other at the end of the traditional part.  Savannah had asked me to let Malcolm know last week so he was prepared. </p><p>Malcolm turned to Savannah, “do you have anything you wish to say to Theresa in front of the people who stand here?” </p><p>Savannah nodded and said, “Yes I have.   Your honesty and integrity have taught me to be true not only to myself, but to others.  You’ve taught me that it’s ok to be silly and have fun, to try new things, to laugh not only at the funny things but to laugh at myself, that not everything has to be serious.  You didn’t give up on me when I took two steps forward then one step back and through your gentleness and encouragement, I learnt to trust.  You’ve helped me fight my inner demons and shown me how to push them away when they threaten to resurface.  I knew you were the woman for me after only a few short weeks, the trouble was, you weren’t so sure.  I eventually wore you down and made you see sense and here we are today.  I feel like I can achieve anything with you by my side.  I’m not going to tell you I love you because you already know that, but what I will tell you, is that you make it so easy to fall in love with you over and over and over again.  I can’t wait to start the rest of our lives and be able to call you my wife.” </p><p>Malcolm: “Do you have rings?” </p><p>Nodding the girls looked over to Sasha and Tristan who both carried the rings over and stood nearby and beckoned India over to hold the flowers. </p><p>Malcolm: “Savannah would you place the ring on Theresa’s finger?” </p><p>I said a silent prayer that the rings would fit and breathed a sigh of relief as it slid on to Theresa’s finger with a gentle push. One down, one to go.  India turned and handed the flowers to her mother who stood beaming at her offspring </p><p>“And Theresa, do you have anything you’d like to say to Savannah?” </p><p>“Many things but most of them not appropriate for this occasion,” she said as everyone laughed.  “Ok, here goes.  Savannah, I know things haven’t been easy for you and for someone so young you’ve experienced so much more than you should, but I’m here now and I want to give you everything you should have had, safety, security, trust, stability and love.  I want to hold you gently when you’re afraid, kiss you softly when you’re hurting.  With patience and compassion, I want to support you through the changes and challenges that our lives will throw at us. I’ll be faithful and honest as we grow old together and I’ll always stand by your side.  I want to dance in the moonlight, soar through the clouds and maybe even do the odd bit of skinny dipping when the chance presents itself.  I delight in who you’re becoming and promise to encourage you to fulfill your dreams.  I’ve got 10 years on you but together we can teach each other.  Companion, lover, friend, playmate, I want to be all this and more...for you, for me, for us for all time.” </p><p>Malcolm: “Theresa would you place the ring of Savannah’s finger?” </p><p>Again, the ring slid on with just the gentlest of pushes. Phew, two for two.   </p><p>Turning back to Malcolm the girls kept looking at each other and smiling. </p><p>“Please turn to face each other.  Savannah do you take Theresa as your wife?  Will you love, honor and cherish her even when she leaves the dishes in the sink and forgets to take the rubbish out?” </p><p>Laughter erupted as Savannah said, “I do.” </p><p>“And Theresa do you take Savannah as your wife?  Will you love, honor and cherish her even when she rearranges your closet without permission and throws your old runners out?” </p><p>Again, there was laughter as Theresa said, “I do.” </p><p>Malcolm then said to the girls, “It gives me the greatest pleasure to tell you that in the eyes of the law you’re now hitched and there’s no unhitching.  Congratulations girls, you’re married. You may now kiss your bride.” </p><p>Amid cheers and clapping, the girls had their first kiss as a married couple and were promptly swamped by everyone else wanting to get in on the hugs and kisses too.  I got some absolutely wonderful photos of the group hug, memories I’m sure the girls will treasure for ever more.   </p><p>I heard Tom say something to Diana about talking later then he ended the video call as Elsa broke away from the huddle and came to stand by me and smiled.  “We did it.” </p><p>Laughing I said, “We sure did.  Maybe we should go into business.” </p><p>Before anything else could be said, Theresa broke away and came to stand with me.  “Coming to say goodbye to Aunty Yindi?” </p><p>I nodded and we walked over to where Aunty Yindi still stood with the stern expression on her face. </p><p>“I just wanted to say thank you Aunty Yindi.  I know it’s been difficult for you but I appreciate you being here and doing the smoking ceremony for me.” </p><p>Aunty Yindi merely nodded then turned and walked away. </p><p>“How did you get her to agree to do it seeing as it goes against our culture?” Theresa asked. </p><p>“I volunteered an hour of Tom’s time to go spend with the local aboriginal kids and when Elsa heard, she volunteered an hour of Chris’s time too,” I told her. </p><p>“Thank you, I really appreciate it.  How do Tom and Chris feel about having their time volunteered?”  </p><p>Elsa had come up behind us and laughed, “We’ll let you know when we tell them.” </p><p> </p><p>*Aunty Yindi isn’t a relation to anyone in attendance at the wedding.  “Aunty” is a name older Aboriginal woman are given as a sign of respect among their people.   </p><p>**A mob is the name given to a family grouping or clan.  (Europeans would say tribe but Aboriginals don’t like that word.) </p><p>The reason Aunty Yindi had a stern look on her face throughout the ceremony, and Missy and Theresa had concerns about her stopping the ceremony, is because the Aboriginal elders oppose same sex marriage.   “the sacred and traditional union between man and woman is deeply part of our ancient and continuing culture across all of our communities.” (Peter Walker, Aboriginal Elder NSW Australia)  </p><p>46 indigenous groups and clans opposed the same sex marriage bill in Australia in 2015.  I’m not politicising the story, just giving you some background information.   </p><p>     </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>19.4 CELEBRATION TIME</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darling, I think Malcolm might want to get going,” I said as I watched him check his watch then head towards us.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey cuz, thanks so much for today.  Email me an invoice and I’ll send the payment through right away,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think the girls would mind if I got you to send me a photo of the ceremony to include in my portfolio?” he asked.  “This is my first gay wedding.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I can find out for you,” she said beckoning Theresa over.  “Would you and Sav mind if Malcolm used one of the photos of your wedding for his portfolio?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t mind.  Sav, come here,” Theresa called.  “You don’t mind if our wedding pic is added to Malcolm’s </span>
  <span>portfolio,</span>
  <span> do you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not at all.  Not every day you do a gay Aboriginal wedding,” Sav said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now that you mention it, it will look good for my portfolio but I didn’t want to be so crass as to say so.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much for doing this for us, we really appreciate it.  Missy can send you some photos if that’s ok.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Thanking them again, Malcolm said his goodbyes and we walked with him out to the car.  “It was great to see you again cousin,” he said.  “Even if it was only for a brief time.  Tom, good to see you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember to email me your invoice,” she said as she hugged him again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to charge them for today.  The business I could possibly generate through the inclusion of their photo in my portfolio will be payment enough.  Besides, I really enjoyed it and I needed a break from driving anyway.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a legend!” she told him.  “Thank you so much.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Having said goodbye, we turned and went to walk inside when I stopped her, “You look absolutely amazing.  Can I kiss you or will it mess up your paint?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to get back inside so I can get photos.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Bugger the photos.  I want to kiss my wife who looks as hot as hell with her clan paint on,” I told her as I bent to kiss her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Mmm</span>
  <span>, I could stay here all afternoon and do this,” she told me, arms around my neck, body pressing against mine.  “But I really do need to get back in and take some photos.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As we rejoined everyone Theresa approached us and said, “Missy, do you want to come and wash your face?  The ceremony is over now and I’m starting to feel like my face is cracking.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at both of them and said, “It’s beginning to flake off.  If you want to go, I can take a few photos until you get back.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, she said she would because she was getting itchy where the paint was flaking, “It’s because I wouldn’t let Aunty Yindi put animal fat in it.  We’d have still been wearing it days from now.  Back soon.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking across the yard I could see Savannah deep in conversation with Leonie who was picking at the head piece Savannah was wearing and smiling away.  Next Gabriella approached and said something to Savannah that resulted in the bride doing a slow pirouette before Gabriella touched the dress and smiled.  Makes me wonder if there might be news there before too long.  Liam was happier than I’d ever seen him and Gabriella had already been accepted as part of the family.  It would be nice to see him settled with someone who accepted him for who he was and fitted in with the lifestyle here.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah went to Elsa and asked her something which resulted in Elsa doing a quick scan of the yard before her eyes landed on me.  She then turned Savannah by the shoulders and pointed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling as Sav approached I couldn’t help but think what a great job the girls had done in </span>
  <span>organising</span>
  <span> everything without any input from the happy couple and with several hundred </span>
  <span>kilometres</span>
  <span> separating them.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I told you how stunning you look?” I asked, chuckling as Savannah put her head down and blushed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You have, thank you.  And I just wanted to say a massive thank you to you and Chris for volunteering your time so we could have the blessing.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Chris and I?” I questioned feeling very confused.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Elsa told me that Missy ...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“...hadn’t told him yet but I guess I will now,” my lovely wife said with a big smile.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh bugger!” Savannah said.  “Sorry, I just assumed...right, I’ll head over here and put my other foot in my </span>
  <span>mouth,</span>
  <span> will I?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Care to explain what that was about?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, as you know homosexuality isn’t readily accepted among Aboriginal people so in order to get Aunty Yindi to agree to the ceremony I had to come up with a creative way of bribing her basically...and you were it.  Elsa heard what I’d bargained and volunteered Chris as well, so you’re both donating an hour of your time to spend with the local Aboriginal kids.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At this point we were joined by Elsa and Chris, who by the looks of things had just been informed of the same thing I had.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like we’re off playing with the locals,” he said to me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like it,” I replied.  “It’s a good thing we thing we kind of like you two you know,” I told our lovely wives.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not doing it for us,” Elsa reasoned.  “You’re doing it for Theresa and Savannah.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And we thank you,” Theresa said as she came to stand with us.  “I’m sorry, I had no idea you’d have to give up your time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“All good,” said Chris.  “We go visit the kids a few times a year anyway so it’s no problem.  Usually take a few footballs and cricket bats and balls and have a great time with them.  You should come, you’d have a wonderful time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I might take you up on it depending on what day you go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As the afternoon wore on there were a few toasts, the girls cut the cake, we ate, we drank, we danced and laughed and had a fantastic time.  The sunset was beautiful and we all took a moment to watch as the sun dipped down behind the hills throwing a beautiful golden glow across the sky that was reflected on the water.  I have no idea how many photos were taken but I know she changed the battery at least once and I felt like every time I turned </span>
  <span>around,</span>
  <span> she was there with the camera.  I’ve a feeling it’s going to take a while to go through them all.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you put the camera down for a while love, come join in the fun.  I’m feeling abandoned.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But what if the photos aren’t good?  What if they’ve got their eyes closed or head down, or their dresses are sitting wrong and it screws up the photo.  I keep telling everyone I suck at portrait photography, why doesn’t anyone listen?” she said getting herself all worked up.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” I said, taking the camera from her and placing it on the table so I could hold both her hands.  “The photos will be fantastic; you don’t suck at portrait photography and no one listens because everyone knows you can do it.  Now, could you please put the camera down for 10 minutes and come dance with me?  I feel like it’s been forever since I held you in my arms.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled, pushed the camera further back on the table and turned to me, “Well as you asked so nicely, I guess I could do that; and I was in your arms not more than a couple of hours ago.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it's been forever!” I joked with her.  “Far too long considering we’re on holidays with no reason to be apart.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh good Lord, this could be a long week,” she laughed.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Could be longer if you want it to be,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Mmm</span>
  <span>, we’ll see,” she replied laying her head against my chest as I wrapped my arms around her.  “This is nice.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa and Savannah were sitting quietly, holding hands looking out over the water as the moon came up leaving a silvery path across the surface of the ocean.  I could see they were tired, the yawning was a clue, and I had a feeling they were trying to stick it out so as to not appear rude.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think the girls are just about done in,” I said as I turned so she could see them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should go tell them they don’t have to stay,” she suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Might be an idea.  They probably want some time alone.  It’s been a big two days for them; the drive up yesterday then everything going on today.  Come on, we’ll go tell them they don’t have to stay.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We chatted as we approached so they knew we were coming and Savannah turned as she heard the voices, tired smile on her face, “How beautiful is this?” she asked.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Very beautiful.  You look tired Sav.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I am a bit Missy.  Tess and I were just saying it’s so lovely being able to hear the ocean at night.  We left the windows wide open last night and it was absolute bliss.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to go, no one’s going to mind.  They probably won’t go for much longer because they’ll be wanting to get kids to bed soon,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They won’t mind?  We don’t want to appear rude or ungrateful,” Theresa said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your wedding night, no one’s going to accuse you of being rude or unappreciative.  They’ll understand,” I chuckled.  “Go, say your goodbyes.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>With that, they both stood up and gave each of us a hug then went over to say their goodbyes but ended up being delayed as everyone insisted on a hug before they left.  Finally, they came over and gave each of us another hug.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Now can I say thank you, Missy?” Savannah asked with a smile.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you can.  We got through the day,” she replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then thank you so much for everything you’ve done, all of you,” she said as Elsa and Chris came to stand with us.   “We couldn’t have planned anything like this.  We had no expectations really but this has just completely blown us away.  It’s been the most amazing day but, the only thing worrying either of us is how much we owe you, it’s kind of stressing me out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t got an exact amount but I’ll work it out tonight and let you know tomorrow.  Now, can you please not worry about money on your wedding night? Are you right to get back to the cottage yourselves or do you want an escort?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be fine.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind following you up if you want.  That track can be a little tricky to navigate in the dark,” Chris said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got the car,” Theresa said.  “Honestly, we’ll be fine.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Text me when you get back to the cottage,” I told Savannah. “Or we’ll hunt you down to make sure you got there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing at how overprotective we were all being, they promised to let us know they were back safely as they walked to the car.  Final goodbyes said and we all returned to the yard where it was decided to start getting children ready for bed, meaning Luke and Samantha were going to leave with their 4 children.  Leonie and Craig said they’d head off too and, as Liam and Gabriella were hitching a ride home with them, they were saying their goodbyes also.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Remember</span>
  <span> our training session in the morning,” Liam called out as he got in the car.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What training session?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask your wife,” he called back as they drove off leaving just the four of us and the three children who were being rounded up for showers and bed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What training session?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember when we were here last time, Liam and I were going to have a training session but I had some issues with my knee after you guys chasing me along the beach with the nerf guns?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yes.  Now I remember.  </span>
  <span>So,</span>
  <span> you’re doing it tomorrow?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“According to Liam we are,” she laughed.  “We’ll see if he goes through with it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do darling?  Go sit and watch tv for a bit or read? Have a coffee?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s ok with everyone, I might head to our room and start going through some of these photos,” she answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine Missy, can’t wait to see how they look.  And my own contribution of course,” Elsa laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ll be the best photos taken.  Goodnight everyone I’ll see you in the morning.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in in a minute love,” I told her as I stayed to say goodnight to Chris and Elsa. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for the girls and for us.  I know it meant a lot to the girls, all three of them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Mate, you don’t need to thank us, </span>
  <span>you’re</span>
  <span> family,” Chris said. “Now, go convince your lovely wife her photos don’t suck.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. 20.1 Oops, 20.2 Dreams, 20.3 Visiting The Community, 20.4 Seeing In The New Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>20.1  OOPS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Why do I let myself get talked into doing things I’m not good at?  Who in their right mind would trust me to take wedding photos? Yes, I can take photos, good ones actually...of landscapes, not people.  I’m feeling quite stressed about looking at these.  Plugging the camera into the laptop, I held my breath while the 1159 photos that had been taken, loaded.  Ok, here goes.   </p><p>Starting with the ones Elsa had taken of us during the acknowledgement, I flicked through the first fifty or so when Tom came into the room and sat on the bed behind me, peering over my shoulder. </p><p>“They’re fantastic darling,” he said as he pushed my hair away and placed a kiss on my neck. “I don’t know why you were worrying.” </p><p>“They’re the ones Elsa took,” I answered, turning my head to look at his face.   </p><p>At least he had the decency to look a bit sheepish when he realised his mistake.  “Well, if Elsa can take photos like that, I can only imagine how fantastic the ones are that you took.” </p><p>“Nice save Hiddleston, but we’ll see.  There’s so many to go through and they’re all starting to look the same,” I told him.   </p><p>“Why don’t you leave it until tomorrow?  You’re obviously tired,” he said as he started massaging my shoulders.  “We don’t have any plans for tomorrow so you can take your time and go through them then.” </p><p>“I’m doing that workout with Liam tomorrow,” I reminded him. </p><p>“Ah yes, that’s right.  Well, you can go through the photos after that.  No one expects you to have an entire album sorted by tomorrow.  Stop putting pressure on yourself.” </p><p>“I’m not putting pressure on myself, I just want to make sure there’s enough half decent photos to actually make an album.” </p><p>He pulled the laptop closer to himself and went back to the start. </p><p>“I’ve already checked those ones.  Elsa did a good job,” I told him. </p><p>He was pressing the forward arrow, having a quick look then moving on to the next photo but suddenly stopped and said, “Wow.” </p><p>“Is that the one of Theresa peeking out from behind the bouquet? She’d been trying to scratch her nose without messing up her markings when Elsa obviously snapped her.” </p><p>“No, not that one,” he said turning the laptop towards me. “This is absolutely stunning.  I want to enlarge this one and frame it.” </p><p>Looking at the screen I saw a photo of myself caught in profile in a candid moment facing the ocean, face tilted slightly toward the sky, eyes closed as if in prayer, facial markings apparent, hair blowing in the breeze.  I had to admit, it was a good photo; not, I think good enough to enlarge and frame, but it was still a good photo. </p><p>“Let me go through the others first,” I said.  “But right now, I think I just want to sleep.  I’m going for a shower.” </p><p>“Can I join you?” he asked. </p><p>“If you’d like to but just remember it’s not as big as the one at home,” I replied. </p><p>“Oh damn, it’s not is it?  Ok, I’ll wait until you're done.” </p><p>“There’s still enough room, just not as much.” </p><p>“It’s ok, I’ll wait until you’re done,” he said. “You’ll only end up with wet hair if I come in and it’s a bit late to be trying to dry it.” </p><p>“I won’t be long,” I said, kissing him before I stood up.  “Mmm, I think I'd like more of that when I’m done.” </p><p>“Well scoot and have your shower so I can have my shower, then you can have as much of that as you want.” </p><p>Jumping up off the bed, I showered then called to Tom as I was getting out so he could get in. Wrapping the towel around myself, I went back into our room and lay down to wait for Tom...and woke up the next morning. </p><p>Rolling over, I opened my eyes, saw that it was daylight and realised what had happened.  Looking over, I saw Tom laying looking at me, “Good morning darling,” he greeted. </p><p>“Good morning.  Why didn’t you wake me last night when you came to bed?” </p><p>“I really thought about it, but then when I got into bed I realised how tired you really were and didn’t have the heart to wake you.  Before you say I should have done, I know you don’t sleep well at the best of times so I just couldn’t bring myself to do it knowing you probably wouldn’t get back to sleep for hours.” </p><p>“How many hours was I out for?” I asked.  “I’ll probably never function today; my body will wonder what the hell's wrong.” </p><p>“You slept for about 7 hours.  The most you’ve had since I can’t remember when.” </p><p>“Well, I’m going to go track down a coffee, I’ll need it to function after that much sleep,  then get ready to workout with Liam. He said he’d be over early.”   </p><p>Getting up, I went to the bathroom, then threw gym shorts, sports bra and crop top on and went to the kitchen.  Tom was taking his time to get up, not that I blamed him.  If it wasn’t for Liam coming over, I wouldn’t have got up so early either.  Tom would probably go for a run a bit later while I sorted through the photos.  I'd set myself a goal today to have all the photos sorted by the end of the day, so I was hoping no one had made any plans involving me. </p><p>Walking into the kitchen, the smell of coffee greeted me and when Elsa turned and saw me, she smiled, grabbed a cup, poured the coffee and handed it to me as I sat down at the breakfast bar. </p><p>“Best get that down quickly,” she told me.  “Liam called to say he’s on his way.” </p><p>“Excellent,” I replied.  “I was hoping he’d be early.  I want to get this done so I can get to the girls' photos.  Which reminds me; the ones you did of the acknowledgment look really good.  There’s one you took of me that Tom absolutely loves.” </p><p>“The one where you’re looking over the water?” she asked. </p><p>Sipping my coffee, I nodded, “That’s the one.” </p><p>“I was quite proud of it actually,” Elsa said.  “Maybe I should become a photographer.” </p><p>“We could do it all,” I laughed.  “Plan weddings, do the photography.” </p><p>“You know, it’s something we could consider doing.  We seem to be pretty good at it,” she said. </p><p>“It won’t work,” said Tom, joining us in the kitchen.  “Much as you’d both be great at it; you need to be realistic.  Elsa, you guys travel and when you’re not travelling, you and Chris insist that one of you is available for the children all the time.  You know what Chris’s schedule is like for the next couple of years, and you my love, told me that you’d be travelling with me in future.  As we still don’t know exactly what’s going on with the new series yet, there may be travel involved for that, but there’s definitely going to be travel involved for the release of Loki.” </p><p>“Always the voice of reason,” I laughed finishing my coffee just as Liam walked in. </p><p>“Morning all,” he said.  “Ready Missy.” </p><p>“Sure, just let me grab my shoes.” </p><p>Shoes on and we headed outside to do some stretching.  “So, what did you have in mind?” he asked. </p><p>“Well, I thought we’d start off with a run just to warm up then we can start in the gym.  Sound ok to you?” I questioned. </p><p>“Sure.  Where did you want to run?” </p><p>“On the beach.  Dry sand.  You’ll have the advantage because I've only recently started running again and I don’t get to run on sand.” </p><p>“To make it fair, I’ll run on the dry sand and you can run closer to the water if you want,” he replied. </p><p>“I’d rather both on dry or both on wet,” I told him.  “I don’t want you turning around saying that I had an advantage.” </p><p>“We’ll do wet sand, be a bit better for your knee.” </p><p>“My knee’s fine.  I’ve been doing a lot of work on that leg so it’s all good.  Anyway, you ready?” </p><p>“Whenever you are.” </p><p>I turned to Tom and gave him a kiss, “Did you want to come?” </p><p>“I’ll go a bit later,” he said.  “Have fun.” </p><p>“Oh I will,” I laughed.  “See you soon.”  Then to Liam, “Ok, let’s go.” </p><p>We set off walking across the yard down to the firmer sand nearer the water. </p><p>“You’re so lucky to have this on your doorstep,” I said as we started a gentle jog. </p><p>“I don’t really,” he said.  “We’re a bit further from the water than this.” </p><p>“Still close though.  It’s absolutely beautiful here.” </p><p>“Why don’t you guys move up?” Liam asked. </p><p>“It’s something we want to do in time.  I’ve got the shop now and it’s just easier living where we do.  It’s convenient to everything and I’ve got the river reasonably close, the beach isn’t too far and the national park is only a short drive.  As far as city living goes, it’s not too bad.” </p><p>“I like being back here.  It feels right you know?” he said as we picked up the pace a bit. </p><p>“How’s things with you guys?  Gabriella seems happy and it’s obvious everyone loves her.” </p><p>“Things are fantastic.  We’re just enjoying being together at the moment.  I know I want to be with her, she accepts me for who I am and it’s all just really easy.  So different to when...well, you know.  It’s just nice.” </p><p>“You seem happier within yourself which is really good.  Anyway, we’re still able to talk so we’re not trying hard enough.  Let’s go,” I said as I took off at a full run. </p><p>I knew Liam had the height advantage and would catch me in no time but I was hoping that my love of distance running might help me outlast him.   He caught up to me and was just about to pass me when I felt something in my knee give way and ended up falling, crying out in pain as I went down. </p><p>Liam thought I was messing about to start with and laughed as he kept running, calling out, “Nice try short ass, you’ll have to do better than that.” </p><p>It was only when he’d run about another hundred metres that he realised something was wrong as I hadn’t got up, in fact, couldn’t get up.  My knee had swollen and there was a sharp pain each time I tried to put weight on it.  </p><p>Running back to where I was struggling to get up, Liam came up to me, took one look at me knee and said, “That doesn’t look good.” </p><p>“Not feeling good at the moment either.” </p><p>“Can you walk?” he asked me. </p><p>“Yeah, just give me a minute,” I replied, slowly testing the weight limit it could handle.  Trying to straighten it out didn’t quite work but I was able to walk as long as I limped.  “Might be a slow trip back.” </p><p>“How bad is it?” Liam asked. </p><p>“Not as bad as it could be, I suppose.  I can still walk.  Won’t know until I get back, get it iced and get it up.” </p><p>We made our way back slowly, but the more I walked the worse the swelling got and was now affecting my ankle as well.  We made it to within about 200 metres of the house when Liam said, “I know it’s going to freak Tom out, but I’m carrying you the rest of the way.  You’re only making it worse and we’ve got the dry sand to cross and I really don’t think it’s wise that you try that at the moment.”   </p><p>“Are you going to be able to carry me that far over the dry sand?” I asked. </p><p>“There’s nothing of you!” </p><p>“I’m heavier than I look,” I told him.  “If I get too heavy put me down, I’ll make it.” </p><p>He scooped me up in his arms bridal style leaving me with no choice but to put my arms around his neck to make it easier for him to carry me. </p><p>“You sure you’re ok?” I asked. </p><p>“Like I said, there’s nothing of you,” he replied.  “I’m fine and it’s not that far anyway.  I can just about guarantee we’ll see your husband within the next 10 seconds anyway.  He’s ultra-protective of you so he’ll be watching for you and as soon as he sees me carrying you, he’ll be out.” </p><p>“He is a bit protective, but I doubt he’ll be watching knowing I’m with you,” I answered as Liam laughed and said, “Right on cue.” </p><p>Looking up, I saw Tom running across the yard towards us. </p><p>“You can put me down,” I said to Liam. “No point breaking your back, Tom will take me.” </p><p>“No, it’s ok.  I’ll get you up to the grass, he can take you from there. And you’re hardly breaking my back.  What are you 55 kilograms wringing wet?” </p><p>“A bit more than that,” I replied.   </p><p>Reaching the grass, Liam put me down as Tom stood there giving us both a strange look. </p><p>“Care to explain?” he asked.   </p><p>“I’ll leave that up to you Missy,” Liam said.  “See you inside.” </p><p>Looking down at me knee, I pointed, "Oops."</p><p>Tom looked down, saw the swelling, shook his head and, not saying a word, scooped me up and carried me inside. </p><p>“Will you ever learn?” he asked softly, pressing his forehead against mine. </p><p>“Nope, probably not.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>20.2   It Wasn’t Unexpected </p><p> </p><p>Placing me on the couch, Tom looked down at my knee and asked, “What happened?” </p><p>Liam came over with a couple of ice packs and a thin towel as I said, “I was running along the beach then I wasn’t running along the beach.  I took a step, something hurt then my knee gave out and I fell.” </p><p>“I thought she was messing about because I’d caught up to her.  I kept running and it was only when I realised she hadn’t moved I knew she’d done something,” Liam said. </p><p>Putting the ice packs around my knee, I wrapped the towel around them to hold them in place while Tom took my shoe off so I could put my foot up. </p><p>“Your ankle is swollen too.  Looks like it did earlier this year,” Tom said. </p><p>“I don’t think it’s that bad.  I can still walk on it, probably went too hard too fast. It’ll be fine,” I assured him. </p><p>“Is there a doctor in town that’s open on the weekend?” Tom asked Chris. </p><p>“No but there’s a home doctor service if you want to call them.” </p><p>Looking at Tom, I shook my head, “It’s fine.  I don’t need a doctor.  Just need to keep it up for a bit.” </p><p>“I’m not arguing with you about this.  Either I call the doctor to come out and check you over or I put you in the car and take you to the nearest doctor or emergency department to get it looked at.  This is not negotiable,” Tom stated. </p><p>Do I argue with him or do I just appreciate the fact that he’s hotter than hell when he gets all dominant and thinks he can tell me what to do?  I know! Compromise. </p><p>“If it’s not getting better in another hour or so, you can call the doctor.  Just give it time to go down a bit, it’s only just happened.  I’ll rest and ice it for twenty minutes then see how it feels when I walk.” </p><p>… </p><p>Two hours later, with the doctor leaning over my knee and poking it, he pointed to the small scars on my knee and asked, “When was the surgery?” </p><p>“Not quite 6 months ago,” I replied. </p><p>“How’s it been since then?” he asked. </p><p>“To be honest, it’s never felt quite right and I had a lot of trouble with getting the strength back in the muscles.  We found out I have hemochromatosis and once I got that under control, it seemed to make a big difference and I’ve been getting the strength back, exercising pretty much as normal.  I avoid running on the road, preferring the grass or treadmill so I don’t jar it too much.” </p><p>“How’s the hemochromatosis going?” he asked. </p><p>“Good now.  The last lot of blood work that came back has my levels stabilised and I’m down to 6 monthly blood draws at the moment, if all goes well with the next two, we’re hoping I can drop down to yearly.  Obviously, I limit my iron intake but other than that, normal diet and I feel fine.” </p><p>“Can you stand up for me?” he asked. </p><p>Standing, I still couldn’t straighten my leg properly, almost but not quite, but I was able to walk without too much of a limp. </p><p>“Can you straighten it anymore?” he questioned. </p><p>“No, but it’s straighter than it was when I first went down.  I don’t think it’s a full tear, I think it’s just a partial because the pain is different to when I did the full tear.  My knee feels more stable than it did when I hurt it earlier this year.  I think it just needs to be rested for a couple of days.  I’ll just work it gently.” </p><p>“I’m happy for you to walk on it but absolutely no running or jogging and definitely no leg work.  Who’s your surgeon?” </p><p>I told him who I was seeing and that I had a follow up appointment in February and, whilst he wasn’t thrilled about me waiting that long, he said I had one of the best surgeons available so to make sure I mentioned this injury when I went back.   </p><p>Thanking him, Tom walked him out and I could hear him questioning the poor doctor all the way out.  Bloody hell! There goes my holiday because Mr Overprotective was going to give me no end of grief about not doing anything.   Might as well just pack up and go home. If I'm going to be stuck on a bloody couch because Tom won’t let me move, I might as well be at home where I have my own creature comforts.  Yes, I’m cranky.   </p><p>5 minutes later, Tom walked back in the room and, having seen the look on my face, Chris and Liam made themselves scarce as I called after them telling them both they lacked a sense of adventure.  Feeling a little on the defiant side, I looked up at Tom as he stood over me looking down.  </p><p>“Just don’t ok?” I said.  “I feel bad enough already, the last think I need is you nagging me about not moving and not doing anything.” </p><p>“How bad is it really?” he asked. </p><p>“Honestly?” </p><p>He nodded and waited.   </p><p>“It’s not too bad.  I’ve definitely done something to it but it’s not the constant pain I had last time; it just twinges more than anything.  I don’t think it would take too much to bugger it up completely.  I’ll be careful, but I am <em> not </em> sitting on this couch for the next week or however long we’re here.” </p><p>“I know,” he said. </p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>“The doctor said he’s happy for you to walk but would like you to use your crutches for a couple of days so you’re not full weight bearing.  You don’t have to use them around the house as long as you’re not on your feet for too long, but he’d like you to use them if you go out.” </p><p>“What about the beach?  Am I allowed to at least walk along the beach?” </p><p>Tom laughed, “That was the last thing I asked because I knew it would be one of the first you asked.  Yes, you can still walk along the beach but not on the dry sand, you can only walk on the firm stuff.” </p><p>I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but at least the holiday wasn’t completely ruined and it was only for a couple of days, after that I should be ok to get around.  No leg work – bugger! Oh well, core and upper body it was.  Could be worse, I guess.   </p><p>Tom sat watching my face as I took it all in. </p><p>“Why aren’t you yelling at me?” I asked.  “Where’s the ‘I told you so’?” </p><p>“I’m not yelling, because I expected you to do it.  It was always going to happen from the time I found you vacuuming when you first had the operation then that big leap you did from crutches to chair so you could clean the top of the cupboard.  You were always going to do it because you’re so bloody stubborn.  Maybe this time you’ll learn.” </p><p>“Maybe, but I doubt it.” </p><p>… </p><p>I spent the rest of the morning sorting through the photos for the girls and actually got a surprise at how good some of them turned out.  Of the 1159 photos taken, there were about 300 that I would say were decent enough to want to do some editing on. Once I’d done the editing on those 300 or so, I’d decide which ones were worthy of keeping.  I highly doubt there’ll be that many.  Tom and Elsa argued with me over what was decent and what wasn’t so I just deleted everything I thought was crap so they couldn’t keep at me. That didn’t go down terribly well and the cheeky buggers grabbed the laptop and ran away with it knowing I wasn’t fast enough to get it back.  When I got it back everything was still in the trash can but they both had smug looks on their faces.  I’m guessing they put everything on another card. Shaking my head at them, I hit ‘empty trash.’  It was probably too late but at least it gave me a sense of satisfaction.  </p><p>“Some of these are really good Missy,” Elsa told me.  “I agree your landscapes are better but you’ve got a real knack for candid shots.  Look at these.” </p><p>“They just need a little bit of work on them,” I told her.  “I just need to fix the lighting on them.” </p><p>“I didn’t think you liked altering photos,” she said. </p><p>“I don’t alter them. Never.  It’s just the lighting. Sometimes it just needs softened or brightened up.  I won’t alter the look of a photo though.  What’s the point, everyone knows they’re fake when you change them...and they look ridiculous.” </p><p>“You really are your own harshest critic, aren’t you?” she asked. </p><p>I didn’t answer, just smiled.  </p><p>Hobbling around on the crutches again, I’d forgotten how tiring it could be but was determined I wasn’t slowing down and wanted to keep up with everyone else.  We were out in the yard then went down to the beach.  Tom carried me over the dry sand and left me to wander along slowly while he went for a run; I watched as they all played ball games in the yard, using my crutches as a bat if the ball came near me.  The dogs were loving all the action and kept taking off with the smaller balls, bringing them back with doggy drool all over them. </p><p>The boys arranged to go visit the First Nation peoples Community tomorrow and would stop in town before going to get some sporting equipment to take with them.  Tom rang Theresa and Savannah, and after apologising for interrupting them, asked if they wanted to come with us.  They said they’d love to if it was ok for them to do so.  I got in contact with Aunty Yindi and asked if it was ok for us all to come visit and she agreed on the condition that it didn’t turn into a media circus.  I told her there wouldn’t be any media with us, just Chris, Tom, me and the girls. </p><p>Tom and Chris did homemade burgers for dinner then we all settled down and watched Rise of the Guardians.  The dogs were all sound asleep nearby after all the exercise they’d had earlier in the day on the beach and chasing balls. </p><p>After the movie finished, Elsa and Chris put the kids to bed while Tom and I snuggled on the couch and chatted about tomorrow’s visit.   </p><p>“I’m really looking forward to it,” Tom said.  </p><p>Once the children were in bed Chris and Elsa returned and the boys decided to have a game of pool leaving Elsa and I to sit and fantasise about running our own business organising weddings.  She made me laugh when she said, “We could call it ‘Why Wait Weddings’ what do you think?” </p><p>“It took me forever to come up with the name for the shop so I’d agree to just about anything. God help us if I ever have to name a child.  It’ll probably be nameless for the first 10 years of its life.” </p><p>It wasn’t long before Elsa started yawning, and I had to admit that I was feeling it a bit too.  It had been quite a day really.  After she’d yawned for about the fifth time, Elsa excused herself and said she was tired so was going to head to bed and I thought it was a good chance for me to go lay down and read while Tom and Chris finished their game of pool.   </p><p>Fluffing up the pillows I lay down with the book I’d received for Christmas, Stephen King’s latest offering, and began reading.  I’d read half a dozen pages when the lines kept blurring, I’d read the same line 4 times and decided it was time to put the book down and sleep.  Snuggling down in the comfortable bed I felt myself drifting off with the sound of the ocean coming through the open windows.   </p><p>I’ve no idea how long I’d been asleep when I started dreaming.  In the dream I felt a hand touch my back, stroking along my spine from neck to butt, slowly, gently, fingers barely touching – up and down, up and down.  It was relaxing, not tickling but so light that dream me wondered if I imagined it. </p><p> </p><p>Dreams (Chapter 10) available in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase immediately follows on from the chapter. </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>I do not intend any offence to First Nation Peoples with this story and it is my hope that I have written this story in a way that First Nation Peoples will find respectful as that is the way it was intended.   </p><p>There’s also a mini history lesson at the bottom, please feel free to skip it. </p><p>
  <b>20.3 VISITING THE COMMUNITY </b>
</p><p> </p><p>I could hear the sound of the ocean coming through the open window as I woke, and lay there enjoying the fact that there was nothing pressing I had to get up for.  I guessed Tom would go for a run a bit later, but for now, it was nice just laying here knowing he was beside me. </p><p>Feeling movement beside me, I turned my head to find blue eyes looking at me.  “Good morning,” I said as he leaned over and kissed my forehead.  “Sleep well?” </p><p>“I did thank you. And did you sleep well?” </p><p>“Slept well.  Um, did we...” </p><p>“...we did,” he responded before I’d finished. </p><p>“I thought so, but I knew I had a dream and I wasn’t sure if it was the dream or if it was real.  It was good either way,” I smiled snuggling against him, closing my eyes again.  “so nice to wake up to the sound of the waves on the beach and the smell of the salt air.” </p><p>We lay and cuddled for another 10 minutes then I rolled over and stretched signaling I was about to get up.  “Need to pee,” I said, throwing the covers back and standing. </p><p>“How’s the knee?” he asked. </p><p>“Not too bad,” I answered.  “Feels a bit better than yesterday.  Still swollen.” </p><p>Watching me hobble to the bathroom, I was waiting for it.  He didn’t disappoint. </p><p>“You know you deserve that for not listening when both the doctor and I told you that you needed to take it easy.  I knew this would happen; it was just a matter of when.  In some ways I’m surprised you didn’t do it a while ago.” </p><p>And there we have it.  The ‘I told you so,’ I thought to myself. Hopefully if I don’t respond he’ll let it go, or I was hoping so anyway. </p><p>Finished in the bathroom, I came and sat on the side of the bed, “You getting up or staying here?” </p><p>“I’m getting up.  I want to get a quick run in this morning.  Do you want me to carry you down so you can sit while I run?” </p><p>“Can I just lean on you and see how I go?” I asked.  “I feel stupid being carried around.” </p><p>“I’ll piggyback you over the dry sand, you can walk the firmer stuff.  Does that sound more agreeable?” </p><p>“Getting to ride you is always agreeable,” I laughed. </p><p>"You’re a wicked woman Mrs. Hiddleston.” </p><p>Getting up, he used the bathroom, then with me leaning on his arm, we went to the kitchen in search of coffee before hitting the beach where I sat while he went for a run. </p><p>Half an hour later he came back to where I was sitting staring intently at a spot in the water. </p><p>“Is there something there?” he asked. </p><p>“Dolphins,” I responded. </p><p>Squatting down behind me, he followed the direction I was pointing in and saw the splashes. </p><p>“How long have they been there?”  </p><p>“Quite a while now,” I answered.  “They’re coming right out of the water and splashing back down.  Looks like they’re having fun.  I suppose we should get back up to the house and get ready to go visit the Community.” </p><p>Helping me up off the sand, he turned around and squatted down a bit for me to jump up on his back so he could piggyback me over the sand.  He’d taken maybe 10 steps when I kissed him on the neck and, because he was obviously not expecting it, he stumbled and we both fell in a heap on the sand, me with the giggles as I landed on his back, him face first in the sand.   </p><p>Pushing himself up quickly, he threw me off so I was on my back in the sand then moved above me, laughing at me laughing at him.  “Come on,” he said.  “Or we’ll end up getting arrested for public indecency with the thoughts running through my mind at the moment.” </p><p>Helping me to my feet, he scooped me up and carried me the rest of the way, much to my displeasure. </p><p>“You said piggyback,” I protested. </p><p>“Yes, and look where that got us,” he laughed as he booped the bottom lip I had stuck out in a pout.  “Come on, you can walk from here.” </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later we’d showered all the sand off, changed and were waiting on the girls to arrive before we went to town to get the sporting equipment. </p><p>A couple of minutes later, the doorbell rang and Chris went to answer it.  He came back in the room with Theresa trailing behind but no Savannah. </p><p>Theresa greeted everyone, then looked and said, “Oh no Missy, what did you do?” pointing to the knee brace support. </p><p>“Let’s not talk about that,” I answered.  “Where’s Sav?” </p><p>“She’s not feeling well and sent her apologies.” </p><p>“Is she sick? Do you need a doctor? There’s a good home doctor service.” </p><p>Theresa chuckled, “Calm down Missy, she’s ok.  She’s just got a headache.  We stayed in the sun too long yesterday.  It’s not bad and she’ll be fine with a day’s rest out of the sun.” </p><p>“Oh bugger, not a good way to spend your honeymoon,” </p><p>“Like you can talk.  Look at you.” </p><p>“Well yeah, but this isn’t my honeymoon.  I haven’t had one of them yet.  We’ll worry about that when head to the UK probably.  Do a few short trips or something.” </p><p>Heading to the car, we went to town where the boys stopped at a sports store and bought some basketballs, cricket sets, soccer balls and footballs.   </p><p>Driving to the Community, we talked about some of the do’s and don’ts while we were there.  As each Community was different, we were lucky to have Chris who had visited several times before so he could pave the way a little for us. </p><p>Arriving at the community, we parked the car, got the sporting equipment and went to walk in.  Tom stopped me and shook his head then pointed to my knee, “did you forget something?” </p><p>“Oh for goodness sake,” I said as he turned back to the car for my crutches. “There, happy now?” I asked as I leaned on them and started walking. </p><p>“I am now, yes,” he replied. </p><p>We approached the People and stopped in front of them. </p><p>Chris took the lead and said, “We would like to acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the land we stand on today.  We would like to pay our respects to your Elders past, present and emerging and to all Bundjalung Peoples and ask that we be given permission to visit your Community.” </p><p>We were granted entry by the Elders who had gathered and were shown onto the land that they called home. </p><p>As Theresa and I went to walk by, we were stopped and asked of our ancestry.  Aunty Yindi had mentioned we were Koori’s* and they wanted to know from what Nation we came. These people refer to themselves as Goori* people because of the area they come from.   </p><p>Theresa spoke first and said that she was Ku-Ring-Gai Nation people from ‘long way back.’^ </p><p>It was then my turn to speak and I said that I was Worimi Nation people also from ‘long way back.’ </p><p>We were taken to a small fire for the traditional smoking ceremony to ensure we left any bad or negative spirits behind then we were granted access to the rest of the Community.  With all the formalities out of the way, it was time to have fun with the children. </p><p>I stood back and watched as the children were given the equipment and much hilarity ensued as the children kicked balls at Chris and Tom then set up for a game of cricket.  I found Uncle Iluka and asked if I was allowed to take pictures while I was here.#  I knew I would have to seek permission from each of the children’s parents before I was allowed to photograph them and promised to send some photos back to them so the children could have their photos with Thor and Loki.  I was granted permission on the condition I avoided certain areas which were sacred, to which I readily agreed.   </p><p>Seeking permission from the parents was a little time consuming but all were happy for me to take their children's photos and were pleased that I’d asked.  I was asked a couple of times what I’d done to my knee and explained the injury.  I was beckoned to by an elderly man who touched my knee, poked and prodded it then nodded and waved me away.  I smiled at him and asked if I could take his photo, indicating the camera.  He sized me up for a few seconds then nodded his agreement.  I set the shot up and just as I was about to press the shutter release, he smiled a smile that transformed his entire face, and I lost a little bit of my heart to him there and then.  He was beautiful. His eyes sparkled, his teeth so white against the dark skin, smile so broad it almost literally split his face in two.  I could have spent an hour just taking his photo.  When I told him he had a beautiful smile he became quite bashful and put his head down, giggling at me. </p><p>We ended up spending the better part of three hours there and I could have happily stayed another three.  The children loved playing with Tom and Chris and even included Theresa in their games in the end.  They played cricket, and some of those children showed promise with their skills.  Football^^ was hilarious and watching the children try to tackle 6’ 3” Chris and 6’ 2” Tom was an absolute joy, they were very inventive and found ‘the more the merrier’ method seemed to work the best, so the boys would often find themselves with between 4 – 6 children hanging off them as they tried to run with the ball.  The children were a little more standoffish with Theresa, not because they didn’t like her, quite the opposite, they thought she was wonderful but didn’t want to hurt the ‘Koori lady.’  Hearing the laughter of the children was just the most heartwarming sound, and watching the manchild in Chris and Tom was wonderful too.  The smiles didn’t leave their faces. </p><p>Watching Theresa interact with the kids was awesome and I felt it a shame that Savannah hadn’t come.  I had a feeling about her headache and ended up asking Theresa about it. </p><p>“Savannah hasn’t really got a headache, has she?” I asked. </p><p>I could see Theresa consider her answer for a moment or two, then she shook her head, “No.  She hasn’t.  We just thought it might be best if we don’t flaunt our relationship in front of the Goori People considering they were good enough to let Aunty Yindi do the smoking ceremony for us.  We didn’t want to push our luck and we weren’t sure if you’d get upset that she didn’t want to come.” </p><p>“I admit I’d have loved for her to be here, but I do understand your reasoning.” </p><p>All too soon it was time for us to leave, we’d already stayed longer than we’d intended and didn’t wish to overstay our welcome.  Thanking everyone for allowing us to visit, and with promises to send photos we were heading back to the car when there was a cry of ‘Koori lady.’  Theresa and I both stopped and turned to see the man I had taken photos of before coming after us.   </p><p>“For your crook leg,” he told me handing me a small container with a grey looking substance that had black flecks through it.  “Fix you up good,” he told me, flashing me that beatific smile.  I extended my hand shyly, head down a little and thanked him for his generosity.   </p><p>“You put it on sun up and sun down,” he told me.   </p><p>Nodding that I would, I thanked him again and turned back to hobble after the others.  I’d only been using one crutch for most of the day as it was too hard trying to take photos and I was paying the price a little now as I could feel it was a little swollen.   </p><p>Getting in the car, Tom asked, “What’s that?” pointing to the little container. </p><p>“No idea,” I stated, “But I’m willing to give it a go.  At a rough guess I’d say it’s got ash in it and probably leaves or plants that have been ground up.  Can’t hurt to try.” </p><p>Leaving the Community, we were tired but happy.  The children were awesome, as children are, and their energy levels were just amazing.  I thoroughly enjoyed our visit and really hope that we get the chance to visit again before we leave, or even if I can go on my own, I’d be happy.    </p><p>Tom looked back to both Theresa and I and said, “You girls are very quiet.  Everything ok?” </p><p>We both nodded then looked at each other and smiled, “We’re fine,” Theresa replied.   </p><p>I can’t explain it but being there, the different way of life, the culture, the tradition touched something deep inside me and made me realise I’ve neglected that side of life.  I’ve become too bogged down in everyday life and have forgotten to step back and appreciate the simple things.  Why is it so important to us to have the biggest and best of everything?  Why do we allow ourselves to get caught up in the rat race of everyday life?  I look at the way the traditional First Nation people live, and wonder why more of us don’t live like that.  The world would be a better place that’s for sure.  They believe in looking after the land, each other, being respectful of each other and customs, and realising that, while some modern ways are good, it’s also good to hang on to some of the old ways too.  We could all learn a lot from these people, not just the people of my Nation, my country, my Community but the First Nation people across this world and their way of life.  Clearly there’s something to be said for it because they’ve been doing it for thousands of years.** </p><p>Anyway, enough of my ruminations, I’m going inside to put some grey goop on my knee.  </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </p><p>*Goori and Koori are names the People give themselves as calling them Aboriginal is akin to saying someone from New York is American.  When the Europeans came to Australia there were between 200 – 300 different Nations, different language speaking areas.  Aboriginal Australia is quite multi-cultural and can be viewed as being made of many different ‘countries’ like Europe is. </p><p>^ The Aboriginal People view family differently to us and once a person dies their name is quite often never spoken again, or they’ll be given a different name so they can still be spoken about, as such we just refer to the ancestors as being from ‘a long way back.’  Quite often First Nation people will not look at images of a deceased person either. </p><p># Some traditional Aboriginal People are quite superstitious and don’t like the idea of having their photos taken, believing that part of their spirit could become trapped in the camera, and that when they eventually pass, they will be held in the world in between by that part of their spirit.   As such, permission must always be sought for photography.  Also, in Communities there are certain areas that are never photographed as they are considered sacred and to photograph them may anger the ancestors. </p><p>^^ The football referred to here is Rugby League which is one of the 3 main codes of football played in Australia, the others being Rugby Union and Australian Rules Football.  We refer to English football as soccer. </p><p>** Aboriginal Australians are the world's oldest civilisation and have occupied Australia for 60 000 years. </p><p>Source: (<b> workingwithindigenousaustralians.info </b>  and <b>  history.com/news/dna-study-finds-aboriginal-australians-worlds-oldest-civilization </b>) </p><p>And that concludes today’s history lesson, sorry about me rambling on.   </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>20.4 SEEING IN THE NEW YEAR</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need help?” I asked putting my hand out to help her out the car.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I’ve got it,” she answered, slamming the car door, dropping the jar of grey goop and one of her crutches then cursing under her breath as she almost over balanced because she tried to bend forward with the other crutch still under her arm.  “That’s it, I’m done,” she said as she picked both crutches up and handed them to me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The doctor said...” she turned and glared at me and at that point I decided it was probably wise not to finish that sentence.  I’d rather face the wrath of the doctor than her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I thought,” she said as she limped in front of me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting on the couch, she opened the jar of grey goop and took a smell.  Wrinkling her nose, she put the lid back on the container and placed it on the table.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You putting it on?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“At sundown,” she answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think he meant literally sun up and sun down,” I said. “I think he meant twice a day.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And I said I’ll do it at sundown.  I’m going down to sit on the beach for a bit and no, you’re not carrying me, piggybacking me or anything else.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I have no idea what happened between us leaving the Community and us getting back here, but her mood has certainly become somewhat prickly.  Deciding not to argue with her I simply nodded and asked, “Do you want company?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She’d been gone for about twenty minutes when Chris asked, “Not prying but, did I miss something?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking my </span>
  <span>head,</span>
  <span> I replied, “No, she gets like this occasionally.  She’ll go sit by the water for a bit then she’ll be fine.  She’s probably cranky with herself because she knows she’s done the wrong thing and now has to pay the price.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chris nodded then laughed, “Always was stubborn.  And moody.  If I remember rightly it was her mood and smart mouth that earned her the Missy name.  Who’d have thought it would have stuck and now that’s all she’s known as.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She even refers to herself as Missy,” I told him.  “I don’t remember the last time I heard anyone use her actual name.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Should you go check on her?” Chris asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably.  Is she still sitting there? Hasn’t got up to try and run a bloody marathon along the beach?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chris chuckled, “Nah mate, she’s still there.  I don’t think she’s going to be running anywhere any time soon.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know my wife the way I do,” I replied as I headed out the door to go across the terrace.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I could see her sitting, legs tucked up, arms wrapped around them, just staring out to sea.  I wonder what’s going through that mind?  She still fascinates me; the unpredictability keeps me on my toes and even though I know her so well, I often feel like I don’t know her at all.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I snapped a couple of photos of her as she was totally unaware that I was there, and as such there was no self-consciousness and I got the most wonderful natural shots of her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Approaching her, I went to sit down behind her when she said, “The dolphins are back.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you’ve been looking at?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, she said, “I’m sorry I got snappy.  Just so damn frustrated with myself.  I feel like the last six months have all been for nothing.  You’ve been so patient with me and I went and messed it up by being stupid.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You weren’t being stupid.  You probably went a little harder than you should have, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>has</span>
  </em>
  <span> been six months so really, you should have been fine.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I went to pull her back but she resisted and rubbed at her eyes instead.  “Don’t get upset about it,” I said softly. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to be able to get back to doing all the things I could do before this all happened.  I hate that I can’t run with you.  I hate that I have to be careful all the time.  I hate that my fitness levels aren’t what they used to be.  I’m just so damned sick of it.  I wish I’d never had the stupid bloody operation.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you miss running, and I miss having you with me but we can work out together in the gym.  You can still work on your core and do all the upper body work you want.  Your fitness levels are amazing and, as you yourself said not long ago, you’re not at the gym all day everyday anymore so things will be different.  Without the operation you wouldn’t be walking as well as you are now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re </span>
  <span>right,</span>
  <span> I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  Hopefully that grey goop will do something.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully,” I said as I turned my attention to the pod of dolphins splashing around in the water not too far in front of us.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We sat for about another 10 minutes when she said, “We better get inside, you’ll end up sunburnt shortly.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be ok for a bit longer, but you’ve been out for quite a while so maybe we should go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be ok for a while longer but I could really use a drink.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Standing up, I dusted the sand off then offered her my hand, which she accepted.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t look sunburnt,” she said, checking my arms before leaning on me as we walked towards the house.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I think I’m fine.  I won’t even bother checking you,” I told her.  She had a tendency to tan rather than burn.  That’s where the ancestry </span>
  <span>shows</span>
  <span> I guess.  Her biological father is actually quite dark, as was her grandfather but his mother was quite fair.  It fascinates me how the genetic pool throws things around and you never really know quite what you’ll get.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have to start getting ready for tonight soon,” I said.  “I’ll give Chris a hand with the last of the wood.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa and Savannah were joining us after dinner, as were the rest of the family as we welcomed the New Year in.  We were building a bonfire on the beach this year as the fire risk was minimal.  Not like this time last year when it seemed the entire state was on fire.  We weren’t having a huge night, just a few quiet drinks, light the bonfire and welcome the New Year in.  There were no big fireworks displays like there were back at home but some people managed to get their hands on some and they’d probably be let off around midnight.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sunny, Paddy and Bobby were all inside and would stay inside in case the fireworks startled them. Paddy, in particular doesn’t like loud noises and startles easily. The lights and tv were left on for them and we were periodically running back up to check on them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We gathered on the beach, sitting around chatting quietly keeping a close eye on the children, they were good kids though and stayed well away from the water.  You can never be too careful though.  We talked about the visit to The Community and how welcome we’d all felt.  The grey goop had been dutifully applied at sundown as instructed.  The smell was – unique, but if it works then the smell is worth it.  I’ll be honest and say I’m doubtful it will help but I’ll keep that little bit of information to myself at the moment and hope that I can be proven wrong.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As midnight </span>
  <span>approached,</span>
  <span> we sat in a big circle and went around with each of us telling everyone what one of our New Year’s resolutions were.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Savannah wanted to make use of the gym equipment at work each day during her break, Theresa wanted to reconnect with her roots, Leonie’s was health based, and so it continued around the circle until it got to my lovely wife who smiled and pointed to me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, what’s yours?” Liam asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t believe in making them,” she shrugged.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t make them at all?” he questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head, she said, “Tom what’s yours?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking hold of her hand, I looked at her and smiled, “I’m going to try and not be so over protective.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Best make another one,” Luke said. “That one will be dust within the first 12 hours.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This brought a chuckle from everyone, especially my lovely wife who was asked by Luke why she didn’t make New Year Resolutions.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging, she said, “It’s just not something I personally do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jumping in to save further questions, I asked if there were any plans for anything tomorrow.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s usually a fairly relaxed day,” Chris said.  “Did you have something in mind?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not all.  I can’t believe we’ve been here for a week </span>
  <span>already;</span>
  <span> it’s gone so fast.  I’m actually looking forward to a day where we can just relax and do nothing,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, considering we’d pretty much planned to do nothing while we were </span>
  <span>here,</span>
  <span> we’ve had something going on each day.  I’m looking forward to laying around and finished my book.  Thank you for that too,” she said looking to Leonie and Craig, “it’s an excellent book.  Really enjoying it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Checking the time, we </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> it was only a couple of minutes until the New Year, so we gathered the children around ready for the countdown.  The fire was well alight and we were joined on the beach by some of the other waterfront residents who’d been sitting nearby. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, here we go,” Luke said looking at his watch. “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Then a chorus of Happy New Year went up and someone nearby on the beach began singing Auld Lang Syne which for me was a reminder of days gone by and spending New Years with my family and, I admit, I felt horribly homesick.  Grabbing my darling wife and holding her tight against me I joined in singing, as did everyone else on the beach.  When we’d finished singing, I kissed her hard then she looked up and cupped my cheek, “You ok?”   I simply nodded, then she held me tight, “Not long now my love and you’ll be home with your family.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking down at her, I smiled, “My family is in my arms.  You’re my family, and home is wherever you are.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Happy New Year everyone.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>........</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The adult story Happy New Year, Chapter 11 available in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase immediately follows on from the chapter</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. 21.1 A Lazy Day - Missy Style, 21.2 Holiday Bliss, 21.3 Life Lessons for Missy, 21.4 Last Night at The Bay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>20.1 A LAZY DAY - MISSY STYLE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Waking up to the feeling of lips on my shoulder, knowing I had nowhere to be and nothing to do, was the best.  Part of me wanted to roll over so I could have those lips on mine, but part of me was enjoying what they were doing and didn’t want to move.   </p><p>“Enjoying that my love?” he asked. </p><p>“Mmm, certainly am,” I said as I finally rolled over.  “Happy New Year my darling husband.” </p><p>“Happy New Year my lovely wife,” he replied. </p><p>“Oh shit, hold on,” I said as I reached over for the jar of grey goop.  “I need to put this on.” </p><p>“Darling do you really need to do it now? It can’t wait?  I was rather enjoying having you in my arms.” </p><p>“Sun up and sun down and the sun’s already up.  No, it can’t wait.” </p><p>Bare ass naked, I sat on the bed, leg bent up so I could rub the pungent grey goop on my knee.  Looking down, I saw Tom with a huge smile on his face watching me.   </p><p>“You enjoying yourself there?” I asked.     </p><p>“Well the view’s pretty good, but now that you mention it, I could be enjoying myself a lot more if you moved ov....Oh my God that’s rather pungent don’t you think?” </p><p>“It’s a bit stronger than it was,” I said as I rubbed it into my knee doing my very best not to screw my nose up.  This stuff absolutely reeked, but I know Tom has major doubts about it working so, no matter how bad it smells, I’m using it.  “Just going to wash my hands.” </p><p>Putting the container back on the nightstand, I pushed up off the bed and stood up.  Tom looked down at my knee and nodded. </p><p>“Might smell disgusting but you’ve got 2 knees the same size.  There’s absolutely no swelling.” </p><p>Looking down at my knee, I realised it looked like he was right. </p><p>“Just let me wash my hands,” I said.  “Then I’ll sit down with my legs out so I can compare. </p><p>Walking to the bathroom, I held my hands way out in front of me then Tom called out, “Do you want me to turn the water on for you?” </p><p>“Might be a good idea if you don’t mind,” I answered. </p><p>He came in and turned the tap on for me, I scrubbed my hands, dried them off then went to sit back on the bed putting my legs out in front of me so I could compare my knees. </p><p>“There’s definitely no swelling,” Tom said.  “How does it feel?” </p><p>“I can feel a bit of a twinge when I walk, but it’s not hurting while I’m sitting here.  But then, it doesn’t usually hurt when I’m just sitting.  I guess we’ll find out how it is as the day goes on.” </p><p>“Speaking of the day going on, what do you want to do today?” he asked. </p><p>“I’d love to do absolutely nothing.  Maybe walk along the beach for a bit, lay in the sun and read for a while. I just want to be with you.  What about you? What would you like to do?” </p><p>“I’m happy to do what you suggested.  I really don’t mind what we do as long as I get to do it with you.  We do need to work out whether we’re staying on here or going somewhere else and when we’re heading home,” he told me. </p><p>“Can’t we just enjoy the day without thinking about home.  I think I'd like to stay on holidays forever,” I said as he lay down beside me and pulled me back against him. </p><p>“You’d be bored within a couple of weeks and getting up to more mischief than usual.” </p><p>“Hmm, probably,” I said.  “One thing I do want to get done today is go through the rest of the wedding photos and have a look at the photos I took of you and Chris with the children.  I’d really like to get some of them sent off if I can.” </p><p>Tom started laughing, and I rolled over to look at him, “Did I miss something?  What’s so funny?” </p><p>“You, my darling.  You’re what’s so funny.” he told me as he kissed my forehead. </p><p>“What did I do this time?” I asked with an exaggerated sigh. </p><p>“I don’t want to do anything but while I’m doing nothing I want to go through hundreds of photos and edit them, sort them out and send them.  Like I said darling, you’d die of boredom if you were on a constant holiday, you don’t know how to do nothing.” </p><p>“I can do nothing,” I protested.  “I’m doing nothing now.” </p><p>“No, your body is doing nothing now.  Your mind is already 6 hours ahead planning what you’re going to be doing and when.  You can’t do nothing, it’s not within your makeup.” </p><p>“That’s not true, I can do nothing,” I told him. </p><p>Looking up, I saw him with his eyebrows raised, “Really?” </p><p>“Mostly.” </p><p>Eyebrows still raised. </p><p>“Sometimes.” </p><p>Still raised. </p><p>“Oh ok, for God’s sake.  I can do nothing occasionally and then yes, I start getting fidgety and get bored and we all now a bored me is not a good me.  Ok, I don’t do ‘nothing’ terribly well, but I can do it.” </p><p>“And that’s why you’re back on crut...” </p><p>He stopped mid sentence when I shot him a filthy look.  “...you were saying?” I asked sweetly. </p><p>“Nothing darling, nothing at all,” he replied. </p><p>“That’s what I thought,” I said.  “You want coffee?  I need coffee.”. </p><p>I threw the bedcovers back and got out of bed, ready to head out and get coffee when he stopped me. </p><p>“Just a minute,” he sighed, moving to get up.  “You might want to put some clothes on. </p><p>“I was going to,” I muttered as I pulled a pair of shorts and singlet top on.   </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later, both of us having had coffee, we made our way down to the beach and strolled along hand in hand, stopping occasionally to pick up a shell or a bit of driftwood.   </p><p>“You’re not limping,” Tom said as I bent to pick up a shell. </p><p>I hadn’t really thought about it, but now that he’d mentioned it, I realised he was right.  “Huh, I hadn’t thought about it,” I told him.  “Still a bit tender, it’s doing this weird clicking thing when I step.” </p><p>“I know, I can hear it,” he said.  “Not swollen?” </p><p>“Not sure to be honest.  Guess I’ll find out when we get back and I rest it.  Should we head back do you think?” I asked, looking how far we’d walked. </p><p>“I didn’t realise we’d walked so far,” he answered.  “I suppose we should.” </p><p>Turning back, we were looking out over the water when we saw the pod of dolphins that seemed to be hanging around. Deciding to sit on the sand for a while and watch them, we both laughed as they surfed the waves and jumped over each other.  They were doing barrel rolls, tail smacks and jumping all the way out of the water before splashing back down.   </p><p>“They always look like they have so much fun,” I said, laughing at their antics.   </p><p>“Bring the camera down and take some photos of them,” Tom suggested. </p><p>“I might later if I get the chance.  Speaking of photos, might head back and start going through them all.  I really want to get the girls wedding photos sorted if nothing else.” </p><p>As we walked back, we were on the lookout for any rubbish that had somehow ended up on the beach, and picked it up before we left. It’s sad the amount of rubbish that washes up each day but everyone around here does their bit and, all in all, the beach is really clean. </p><p>Chris and Elsa had promised the children they’d take them out for a few hours and they’d gone by the time we got back to the house.   </p><p>I brought the laptop out to the living room and started deciding which photos I loved, which ones I really liked and which ones I thought everyone else would like.  </p><p>“How’s your knee?” he questioned once I’d settled. </p><p>Putting my legs out in front of me I compared them.   </p><p>“No swelling,” I responded. “Not as much pain as I thought there’d be either considering the walking we’ve just done.” </p><p>Tom ended coming over to me and looked at my legs himself.   </p><p>“Definitely no swelling,” he said looking very surprised. </p><p>“Oh ye of little faith,” I laughed.   </p><p>“We’ll see how it goes in a couple of hours when it’s cooled down,” he said, still skeptical.  </p><p>“Ok let me get on with this,” I said indicating the photos.  </p><p>“I love that photo,” he said, “it’s just a shame it’s a little bit dark.” </p><p>Tweaking the light, I asked what he thought and he said it looked better.  I ended up asking his opinion on most of them because I feel like he’s qualified to offer an opinion given the amount of time he’s spent in front of a camera.  Of course we had differing opinions on a few, well a lot really, because he could see things I couldn’t - like the way ‘their faces just glow’ which to me looked like they were sweating or ‘the way Savannah’s looking at Theresa, the love in her eyes’ to me looked like I’d caught her mid blink.   </p><p>“For God’s sake love, just accept that you’ve done a bloody excellent job,” he ended up saying getting quite exasperated. </p><p>“Look, see that one? That’s good.  And that one, that’s good too.  That’s crap, that’s crap, that one’s not too bad,” and on and on it went.   </p><p>Of the roughly 300 photos I deemed worth a second look, I’d say there were about 100 that were acceptable.  Tom said there were about 250 that were good and the other 50 were ok but not great.  In the end I put them all on a flash drive but put them in separate files; one labelled, ‘Your Wedding’ the other file named ‘crap Tom made me keep.’ </p><p>Moving onto the photos I’d taken visiting the Bundjalung Peoples, I was really happy to see I’d captured some really good shots.  The photo I’d taken of the man who’d given me the grey goop was a really good photo – yes, I did actually say I’d taken a decent photo of a person – and I emailed Uncle Iluka to tell him the photos had turned out really well and that I’d put them onto a flash drive and deliver it to them, or if that didn’t suit, I could post it.  I also asked the name of the man I got the goop from but wasn’t expecting a return email any time soon.  I was very surprised when I received an email five minutes later saying I could visit to drop the flash drive to them and would the day after tomorrow suit and also that the man’s name was Ngarra.   </p><p>I sent a reply email saying the day after tomorrow was fine and thanked him for inviting me.  Turning to Tom I smiled, “We have to stay for at least another couple of days.” </p><p>He chuckled as he said, “I can see you’re absolutely devastated about that, how awful for us.” </p><p>How awful indeed. </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>20.2 HOLIDAY BLISS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It was well into the afternoon, Chris and Elsa weren’t back yet and I looked to Tom and asked, “Do you want to come to the beach with me?  I want to see if the dolphins are there and take some photos.” </p><p>Tom nodded and said, “I might take your old camera down and see how I go with that.  Is it ok if I do that?” </p><p>“Of course it’s ok,” I replied.  </p><p>“I’d really like to take some photos of you too,” he told me. </p><p>“What?  Why?” </p><p>“Because it’s always me getting my photo taken, me in front of the camera.  There are so many damn photos of me around. I want photos of you, we really don’t have a huge amount.  You don’t have to pose for them, I just want to try and get shots of you when you’re doing whatever it is you’re doing.   </p><p>Camera bags in hand, we headed off down the beach in the hope the dolphins were about.  We can see the water from the rooftop of Chris’s house but I’m always up for a walk along the sand so didn’t bother checking whether the dolphins were about or not. </p><p>Sitting at the top of the beach, we scanned the water looking for any activity that might indicate the dolphins were about, but didn’t see anything going on.   </p><p>“I’m just going to take a bit of a stroll down to the water, see if I can’t find any pretty shells.  I’ve got an idea for a frame and need shells for it,” I said as I stood and dusted the sand from my butt. </p><p>“I’ll just stay up here in case the dolphins come; I’ve got a slightly better view.” </p><p>Strolling down along the water’s edge, I picked a few shells up but discarded them as they weren’t what I was after.  I squatted down and held the camera just above the sand, pointing towards the incoming waves and took some shots of the water approaching, then turned the camera to take shots of the little shells on the shore.   </p><p>I found a few shells that would work for the project I had in mind, which was a photo frame decorated with shells and I wanted to get a photo of Tom and I and put it in the frame as a reminder of our new year spent at The Bay. </p><p>Looking up, I saw Tom walking down the beach toward me, “They’re out there.  The dolphins, they’re just there,” he said, pointing out to the water. </p><p>Turning and looking to where he was pointing, I saw the disturbance in the water.  Opening the camera bag that was slung over my shoulder, I took the camera out then the telephoto lens, and did a quick lens change before getting ready to start taking photos.  This was my kind of photography, this was what I enjoyed, this was what I was good at.  I watched for a little while then started framing my shots and happily snapped away for the next 10 minutes, delighting in the playfulness of the dolphins.  I could hear Tom snapping away as he chuckled along with me and was really looking forward to seeing the shots he took.  I think I’ve mentioned before he’s got quite a good eye, a skill I feel he’ll put to use in years to come. </p><p>“They seem to have headed out further now darling,” he said after there hadn’t been much action for a couple of minutes. “Maybe we should head back up.  Chris, Elsa and the children are probably back now and it’s almost time for you to put that native concoction on your knee.” </p><p>“Maybe you could put it on for me,” I suggested with a very serious face even though I was laughing so hard on the inside.  His face went through a range of emotions as he looked for an excuse to avoid having anything to do with it.   </p><p>I couldn’t hold it together any longer and roared laughing much to his relief. “I wouldn’t make you touch it babe,” I told him.  “It’s absolutely revolting.  Bad enough that we have to smell it when I open the container.”   </p><p>The really weird thing about it though is that, even though it smells bloody awful in the container, once it’s on my knee, you can hardly smell anything and within a couple of minutes, there’s no smell at all.  It leaves my knee feeling a little bit tingly and a little bit oily, but no smell.  Which is probably a good thing because I’m fairly certain I’d be made to stay away from everyone if the smell lingered. </p><p>Making our way back up to the house, we could hear the children as we crossed the yard.   </p><p>“Sounds like fun,” Tom laughed, as we heard a belly laugh from one of the boys. </p><p>Walking in we saw Chris crawling across the floor pretending to buck the children off each time they attempted to get on his back, shrieking with laughter as he neighed.  It wasn’t long before they’d roped Tom into playing also but he got on the floor slithering along as if he were a snake, with Chris warning the children to be careful in case they tried to pick him up and he turned back into himself and tried to bite them.  This caused Elsa and I to start laughing out loud, firstly at the slight change in story and secondly as Tristan and Sasha jumped on Tom’s back snapping their teeth at him.  Tom’s quite ticklish in places and it would seem Tristan found one of his ticklish spots because all I could see was Tom writhing on the floor and giggling like a school kid. </p><p>Elsa let the games carry on for another 10 minutes then called a halt to it, telling Chris to start calming the children down.  Elsa and I cooked dinner while the boys started getting the children ready for showers and I heard Tom ask India what movie she’d like to watch after dinner.  India ran through a couple then asked Tom what movie he liked.   </p><p>Tom told her some of the movies he liked then India said “Inside Out.  I want to watch Inside Out, watch it with me please Uncle Tom.” </p><p>I remember the first time we watched that movie and Tom sobbed like a lost child.  He gets very emotional in movies and it’s not unusual for me to end up with him in my arms comforting him.  I’m a cold hearted cow and rarely cry in movies, but show me a cute puppy video and I become a blithering idiot. </p><p>Dinner done, children bathed, we all settled down to watch the movie – well, they settled down; I was still going through photos because I wanted the ones for the Bundjalung People to be perfect.  I also wanted to see the photos of the dolphins that Tom and I had taken today.  As I’d got most of the Community photos done during the day, it was just running a critical eye over them once more to make sure the critic sitting on my shoulder was happy, then I loaded the dolphin photos from my camera and took a look. </p><p>Glancing up at the screen, I took a minute to watch what was happening in the movie so I could judge how much time I had before I’d have to put the laptop down and get ready to hold Tom’s hand and comfort him.   Still a while to go.  Turning my attention back to the laptop, I didn’t need to alter much on the photos I’d taken.  Some of them were a bit wobbly but that happens with the telephoto lens when I don’t use the tripod.  All in all, I was really happy with what I’d taken and I was really impressed with the new camera too.  It was easy to use, took fantastic photos, was reasonably lightweight and had good battery life. </p><p>Feeling Tom’s hand on my leg, I looked up, saw where the movie was at and put the laptop down, focusing my attention on the screen and my big soft hearted husband.  We managed to get through the movie with no tears, but the glassy eyes were a testament to how much the movie affected him each time he watched it.  With the movie finished, the children were being herded to bed and I excused myself and headed to our room so I could finish going through my photos then check what Tom had taken.   </p><p>I’d just loaded the photos from Tom’s camera onto the laptop when he came through the door, worried expression on his face. </p><p>“Have you loaded the photos from my camera yet?” he asked. </p><p>“Just put them on but haven’t had a chance to look.  Just about to start,“  I said as I clicked on the file. </p><p>The first couple were of the dolphins jumping out of the water, then I saw myself on the screen. Scrolling to the next photo, I saw myself again and again and again.  Bringing up the thumbnails, I realised that most of the photos Tom had taken were of me. </p><p>“Are you going to yell?” he asked. </p><p>Scrolling through the dozens of photos he’d taken I had to admit, they were good.  Really good.  I despise having my photo taken, which is why I’m always behind the camera, but I wouldn’t mind actually having a couple of these framed. </p><p>“No, I’m not going to yell.  Babe, these are really good,” I told him. </p><p>He looked a bit surprised when I said that and came to sit behind me so he could see the screen.   </p><p>“I love that one,” he said, pointing to the photo on the screen. </p><p>He’d caught me in three quarter profile, breeze blowing my dress against my body so it outlined my shape, hair tangled around my face, hand pushing it away from my eyes, as I stared out over the water.    </p><p>“You’ve done everything perfectly,” I said.  “You’ve framed it well; you’ve got the focus perfectly on the subject of the shot...” </p><p>“You mean you,” he interrupted. </p><p>“...you’ve blurred the foreground to make sure the focus is the midground, you’ve got just the right amount of background to make the subject pop,” then chuckled at the look on his face. </p><p>“I just took the photo darling, I didn’t consider any of that stuff,” he laughed. </p><p>“Well, you did awesome.” </p><p>“It helps that I had wonderful subject material,” he said then laughed when I actually blushed.  “You should do that more often,” he told me, “it’s actually very becoming.” </p><p>“Don’t push your luck Hiddleston.  You caught me off guard,” I laughed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>20.3 LIFE LESSONS FOR MISSY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Sitting on the edge of the bed, I was rubbing the grey goop into my knee laughing as Tom tried to get as far away as was humanly possible when he asked, “have you given any thought to when you might want to go home?” </p><p>I kept rubbing my knee as I looked up at him sitting with his finger under his nose, “not really, but I can see you have.  You’re ready to go home aren’t you my love?” </p><p>“Only if you’re ready,” he answered. </p><p>Getting up and going to wash my hands, I called over my shoulder, “No, not what I want.  You always do this, you always put my wants first.  What do you want to do?” </p><p>“I don’t always put your wants first.  You always put mine first.  I’m simply asking if you’ve given any thought to when you might like to go,” he said defensively. </p><p>“I’m supposed to be visiting the Community tomorrow but I think I might see if I can do it today.  If I can’t do it today, I’ll just drop the flash drive with the photos off to them.  We can go home tomorrow if you want.” </p><p>“I feel guilty because I know you’re really enjoying yourself and it was only yesterday you said you’d like to be on permanent holiday,” he said. </p><p>“And look what happened, I spent the day walking the beach, taking photos, sorting photos and planning more photos.  As you said, I don’t cope terribly well trying to do nothing.  I’m happy to go home if you want to.  As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.” </p><p>“Do you want to find out if you can visit today?” he asked. </p><p>“Sure, I’ll just email and find out.  If I don’t hear back in the next hour, I’ll try and call.  Are you going to let Chris know?  I’ll message Savannah and Theresa, not that it changes anything for them, just a courtesy really.” </p><p>“I’ll let Chris know.  Are you sure you don’t mind us leaving love?” he asked. </p><p>“Not at all.  We didn’t really put a time on our stay anyway.  We said a week then we’d take it from there.  It will be nice to be in our bed again, I miss it.  And I think the boys will enjoy being home.  I still have to take all the Christmas decorations down when we get home, and the yard will need doing.  We’ll need to get groceries and I might call by the shop...” </p><p>“Stop!” he said chuckling.  “I’ve changed my mind.  We’ll stay here if you’re going full work mode as soon as we get home.  I was hoping we could do a couple of day trips, maybe stay overnight somewhere.  Or even go and visit your parents.” </p><p>“What the hell would we want to do that for?” I asked horrified. </p><p>“Because even though they drive you crazy, you love being there,” he said. </p><p>I don’t like it when he’s right.   </p><p>He went off in search of Chris while I sent a text to Savannah and emailed the Community. </p><p>… </p><p>Two hours later, we were on our way to visit the Bundjalung people having received the go ahead to change the visit day and time.  Tom seemed pretty keen on going home, and if I’m perfectly honest, I’m ready to be alone with him.  Chris and Elsa are fantastic in that they don’t mind if we lock ourselves away, head down the beach or whatever, and we’re truly appreciative of them letting us stay but, it’s time to head home.   </p><p>“Chris and Elsa said we could stay on for as long as we want,” he told me as we were driving.  “I thanked them but said it was time for us to head home.” </p><p>“I sent Sav a message saying we were heading home tomorrow.  She sent a message back saying they were thinking of heading home the day after tomorrow so they had some time at home before going back to work.  They wanted to know what they could get Chris and Elsa as a thank you gift. I told them a fruit basket. She’s also still giving me grief over the money for the wedding.  I told her we’d sort it all out on Monday at work.” </p><p>“She’s a stress head.  They’ll love the fruit basket,” Tom said. </p><p>It’s just Tom and I visiting the People today, a nice quiet trip.  We wouldn’t go through the smoking ceremony today as we’d already been welcomed onto their land.  Of course, I’d acknowledge the Elders but other than that, it’s just like visiting distant family.   </p><p>We parked the car and were greeted with handshakes, I did the acknowledgment and we were shown into a small building that was like an office/reception area type of thing.  I handed over the flash drive containing the photos which were immediately uploaded onto a computer with many smiles.   </p><p>“They good pictures,” I was told by Jedda who was like an office assistant.  “Kids will love ‘em.” </p><p>“Is it possible to see Ngarra?” I asked. </p><p>“Out there by the fire,” I was told.  “You wait, he’ll come.” </p><p>Walking out and standing by the fire, we looked around and chatted quietly about how much fun it had been on our last visit with the children playing and how quiet it seemed at the moment.  Ngarra soon come to the fire and smiled his beautiful smile as he shook Tom’s hand. </p><p>“All fixed?” he asked, indicating my knee. </p><p>“Nearly all fixed,” I replied. “Just a little bit more to go.” </p><p>“You do sun up and sun down?” he asked. </p><p>Nodding, I said I did and Tom nodded saying I did and that he found it to be quite strong smelling.  Ngarra thought this was funny and waved his hand in front of his nose and said, “Smells bad, works good.” </p><p>As we were talking to Ngarra, some of the children came and saw Tom, big smiles on their faces as they recognised him.  Magically a ball appeared and before I knew it, my manchild of a husband was off kicking a ball around leaving me standing watching.  I was approached by a young woman who smiled shyly and asked if I’d like to have a bit of a tour.   </p><p>“I’d love to have a look around if that’s ok,” I replied. </p><p>“You come.  I take you,” she said. </p><p>“I’ll just let him know I’m going with you,” I told her pointing to Tom. </p><p>Walking over to him I told him I was just going for a bit of a look around and asked if he was ok staying there or if he wanted to come.  </p><p>“I don’t think I'm going anywhere,” he laughed as the children surrounded him and kept hold of his arms and legs.   </p><p>“I probably won’t be too long,” I told him. </p><p>Going with the young woman who introduced herself as Alinta, we visited the art area.  I was fascinated and stood watching intently as a middle aged woman and a young man were working.  </p><p>The woman looked up and saw me watching and asked, “You paint?” </p><p>“I do but not like that,” I replied.  “Your work is beautiful.” </p><p>“What do you paint?” she asked. </p><p>“I’m almost embarrassed to say I paint with spray cans.  I love this,” I said as I approached. </p><p>“You know your totem?” she asked me.  </p><p>Nodding that I did, “It’s a bird.  A little woodpecker.” </p><p>“What Nation?” she asked. </p><p>“Worimi People,” I answered. </p><p>“You water People,” she responded.  “Use it.” </p><p>“Paint water scenes?” I asked. </p><p>“Here,” she said, moving along and passing me a bit of bark and a stick.   </p><p>“You want me to do one on here?” I asked. </p><p>Nodding she pointed to the paints that were in front of her.   </p><p>“But I don’t really know how to do like that one,” I said, nodding to hers. </p><p>“Don’t think it, feel it.  You paint, you know that.  It doesn’t come from here,” she said touching my head.  “From here,” she told me touching my chest.  “You need to go walkabout*, find you again.” </p><p>I’d been given an old bit of bark to practice on and whilst this might sound odd, the bark from the melaleuca quinquenervia, commonly known as paperbark, is layers and layers of fine bark that is somewhat like paper to use.   </p><p>Dipping the end of the stick into the paints on the table, I started making dots on the bark rather self consciously.  Watching the two of them work on their paintings and realising that they weren’t judging me, I started to get a ‘feel’ for what I was doing and before too long was completely lost in the moment.  I have no idea how long I was there for but it must have been a while as I looked up to see Tom being led over to where I was.   </p><p>“Are you finished playing?” I asked with a smile. </p><p>“I’ve been finished for a while,” he answered.  “I wasn’t expecting you to be gone quite so long and began to wonder where you’d gone.” </p><p>“How long have I been here?” I asked. </p><p>“About an hour,” he replied. </p><p>“Seriously? Wow, doesn’t seem that long.  Ok, I’ll finish up.” </p><p>“Did you just paint that?” he asked, nodding to the bark. </p><p>“It’s not very good.  I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m in awe of Kirra and Koen,” I told him nodding across the table to the People working. </p><p>“You practice.  Remember your totem, remember you water People,” Kirra told me.  “Take it with you, remember it,” she motioned to the bark on the table. “And go walkabout young missy,” she called after me as Tom laughed. </p><p>“You going walkabout my love?” he asked. </p><p>“Apparently I should,” I replied. </p><p>Thanking her, I picked up the bark and followed Tom as we headed back towards the office.  As we passed the fire, Ngarra was sitting in a chair with some concoction in a bowl that he was mixing.  He looked up and smiled as we walked by.  Stopping Tom, I told him I just wanted to say goodbye to Ngarra before we left. </p><p>“See you later Ngarra,” I said as I approached him. “Thank you for bush medicine, I’ll keep using it sun up and sun down.” </p><p>“See you later missy girl.  3 days more, then no more,” he said tapping my knee. </p><p>“Only use it for another 3 days?” I asked. </p><p>He nodded as he held up three fingers.   </p><p>Tom put his hand out to shake Ngarra’s hand and said, “Goodbye Ngarra, thank you for helping my wife with her knee.” </p><p>Ngarra looked at Tom as he shook his hand and shook his head saying, “not goodbye.  See you later.” </p><p>Tom looked across to me and I nodded.   </p><p>“Ok then, Ngarra.  See you later.” </p><p>Ngarra beamed at Tom, then returned to whatever concoction he was brewing as we went into the office to say our goodbyes. </p><p>Once in the car Tom turned to me and asked, “Why see you later and not goodbye?” </p><p>“Because goodbye is for when you’re not coming back.” </p><p>“But I’m not coming back,” he responded. </p><p>“But you might.  Goodbye is for death.” </p><p>“Ah, I see.  That makes sense.” </p><p>… </p><p>Back at the house, we packed up a lot of our stuff then went for a walk along the beach having a last look for shells as we strolled along. </p><p>“I’ll miss being here,” I said. </p><p>“Well we don’t have to go,” Tom replied. </p><p>“Yeah we do,” I responded.  “It’s time.  I don’t mean I’ll miss here exactly.  I’ll miss the easy pace, being able to hear the ocean as I go to sleep and wake up.  For the first time in a really, really long time, I feel completely relaxed.” </p><p>Tom found that funny and told me, “Your idea of completely relaxed is a bit different to mine. You’re like a child’s wind-up toy.  Even when you unwind, it only takes a gentle tap before you’re on the move again.” </p><p>“You’re not exactly the most relaxed person in the world yourself you know,” I quipped. </p><p>------------------------------------------------------ </p><p>*Walkabout is traditionally a rite of passage for an adolescent Indigenous male who spends up to six months alone in the bush providing for himself and living off the land as he transitions from adolescence to manhood.   </p><p>The more modern version is used for when people need to get away and reconnect with nature, find themselves if you will.  It can be quite a strong urge.  For me personally, I go walkabout up to the area my People are from, visiting my son.  I base myself at his house but venture out to the water and sit or walk for hours just ‘being’.  I come home a much calmer and more focused person. </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>20.4  LAST NIGHT AT THE BAY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Our last night at The Bay for this trip was spent going through some old home movies that had been filmed over the last ten years.   Much laughter ensued, then we ended up playing the ‘remember when’ game with laughter and tears as we all reflected on how much life had changed in ten years.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for letting us stay,” I said to Elsa and Chris.  “It’s been brilliant.  I was just saying to Tom that for the first time in a long time, I feel truly relaxed.  I’ve done bugger all while we’ve been here and I've really enjoyed it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you’re always welcome to come up and stay when you want.  I don’t know why you don’t just sell up in the big smoke and come live up here.  You always enjoy yourselves when you’re here and I know being up here is the </span>
  <span>long term</span>
  <span> plan, so why not do it now?” Elsa said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just not ready yet.  Home is too central to everything.  I’ve got the shop; Tom’s been working close to home but that’s about to change.  I know the area; we’ve just started to venture out and get to know people. I love where we live </span>
  <span>and, in all </span>
  <span>honesty</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> if I could transport the ocean to my back door, I’d stay there forever.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“In the </span>
  <span>meantime,</span>
  <span> you can come visit us and </span>
  <span>do little</span>
  <span> weekend trips to the coast,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lying</span>
  <span> in bed a couple of hours later, I was listening to the ocean and letting my mind wander when Tom quietly asked, “What time did you want to leave?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm?” I questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry love, didn’t </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> you were almost asleep,” he said rolling towards me and kissing my forehead. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t really.  Just letting my mind wander along not thinking about anything but thinking about everything.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you not thinking about?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not worry about it for now.  We’ll just get some sleep.  Big drive ahead tomorrow.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling onto my side, I snuggled against him, hand on his chest, pulling my leg up and resting it over his leg.  “Goodnight babe, I love you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I worry about what you were thinking about?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry?  What do you mean?” I questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You said, ‘let’s not worry about it for now’.  What would there be to worry about?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, there’s nothing to worry about.  Let’s just get some sleep ok?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure there’s nothing worrying you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was just a slip of the tongue.  Just go to sleep.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lifting my head for his kiss, I found blue eyes looking worried as they looked down at me.  Sighing, I rolled over so I was laying on top of him and looked down.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to worry about.  It’s just me and my over active imagination running through all the things I want to do when I get home and wondering how I’m going to fit it all in before we open the shop again,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever truly relax?  We haven’t even left here yet and already you’ve started.  Please just stop.  We’ll find time to get things done.  You don’t have to be at the shop darling.  In all honesty, if you’re going to continue to put in the hours you have been, there’s really no point in having Savannah and Maggie.  You could just as easily do it with Maggie.  Or, if you get down to it, you could operate 9 – 5.30 five days a week and do it on your own and not need to worry about wages.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at him like he’d suddenly grown two heads, I rolled off and lay on my back staring at the ceiling </span>
  <span>for a moment</span>
  <span> before finding my voice, “You want to fire Savannah?” I asked in disbelief.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s not what I said,” he said defensively. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you did,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did not. I said, if you were going to insist on working the hours you were before Christmas, that there's no point in having Savannah.  She’s your manager.  You pay her to run the place, meaning you don’t have to be there all the time, but you’re such a bloody control freak you think the place will fall apart without you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, why not say what’s really on your mind,” I said, sitting up and looking at him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Well,</span>
  <span> it’s the truth.  The whole idea of having Savannah was so you didn’t have to work full time and we could spend time together.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, the whole idea of having Savannah was so we had someone who knew what they were doing when we went overseas.  It was always part of the plan for me to work.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not full time it wasn’t.  Seriously, if you’re going to work full time you should have just stayed at the gym.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you freaking serious?  You hated me being at the gym.  I stopped working there for you, because you hated it so much.  I loved that job but you hated me working for anyone other than myself.  I told you, I can’t not work.  I’d go insane.  I said I’d give up working when we were travelling.  I can’t not work, I’d go crazy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m not saying give it up altogether.  I’m just saying that it doesn’t make sense for you to be there all the time when you’ve got Savannah and Maggie there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maggie isn’t there all the time.  I feel bad leaving Savannah to cope with it all.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, she’s more than capable of running it, you know that.  You’re not leaving her to cope with it all, you’re letting her do what she was hired to do.  Run your business.  Has it occurred to you that she might like to be left to do her job?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Has she said something to you?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she hasn’t.  My point is, she ran the shop on her own before you bought it.  She’s got more freedom to do what she wants with the place now, </span>
  <span>but</span>
  <span> with you always being there, she could possibly feel that she can’t for fear of upsetting you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.  I hadn’t thought about it like that,” I replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe the three of you need to sit down and work out your roster so you all know where you’re at.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Might be a good idea.  And what about you?  Are you still coming in to learn all you can about it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I’ll just make sure I’m only there when you’re there so I’m not in anyone’s hair.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I could use a bit of time to pursue other things I want to do. I’d really like to get out with the new camera and give it a proper workout and I want to start painting again. Properly.  And I want to get involved more in the local Indigenous Community.  Maybe we could get some...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we could get some sleep,” Tom said, pulling me down to lay beside him.  “Give your brain a rest for a while darling.  Now, give me a kiss.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Putting my head up for a kiss, I tried to get my brain to shut down but it wasn’t having a bar of it and was racing at a thousand miles an hour.  Tom lay beside me, perfectly still, his breathing slow and even, totally relaxed.  I managed to lay still, focused on my breathing, in, out, in, out, one sheep, two sheep, red sheep, blue sheep, cow, horse, pig, dog, old </span>
  <span>macdonald</span>
  <span> had a farm, hey </span>
  <span>maracena</span>
  <span>...and I bounced out of bed to the sound of Tom chuckling beside me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice try love,” he snorted. “Thought you had it for a minute.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Brain won’t shut up,” I said pacing the room.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>So</span>
  <span> I see,” he said sitting up.  “Come here.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Holding his hand out to me, I walked over and took it as he pulled me onto the bed and sat me in front of him.  “What’s going on?” he asked as he combed his fingers through my hair.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know.  So many thoughts all scrambling for attention.  Like voices shouting at me,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His fingers kept combing through my hair, dragging lightly against my scalp as he said, “Which voice is the loudest?” His voice calm, quiet.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Creative voice,” I answered.  “It wants to know why I haven’t written anything for so long but it wants me to take photos and paint and edit photos and create overlays and I can’t do everything it wants me to do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you need to tell it that you can’t do it all and find out what it wants you to do the most.  You need to get it to tell you which comes first,” he said in that melodic tone, fingers combing through to the ends of my hair, gently pulling.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me,” I said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling me back against him, he wriggled down so his mouth was near my ear and in a quiet voice he said,</span>
  
</p><p><span>*“The time will come</span> <br/><span>when, with elation</span> <br/><span>you will greet yourself arriving</span> <br/><span>at your own door, in your own mirror</span> <br/><span>and each will smile at the other's welcome,</span></p><p><span>and say, sit here. Eat.</span> <br/><span>You will love again the stranger who was your self.</span> <br/><span>Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart</span> <br/><span>to itself, to the stranger who has loved you</span></p><p><span>all your life, whom you ignored</span> <br/><span>for another, who knows you by heart.</span> <br/><span>Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,</span></p><p> <br/><span>the photographs, the desperate notes,</span> <br/><span>peel your own image from the mirror.</span> <br/><span>Sit. Feast on your life.”</span></p><p>
  <span>I felt his arms tighten around me as he rolled us both over, and I remember snuggling down, head on the pillow as he kissed my temple, “Good night my love.  Sleep well.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*The poem is of course Love after Love by Derek Walcott and is a poem Tom has said he reads often</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Quote:</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I read this poem often. Once a month at least. In the madness and mayhem of modern life, where every man seems committed to an endless search for approval and esteem of his fellows and peers, no matter what the cost, this poem reminds me of a basic truth: that we are, as we are, ‘enough.’   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Most of us are motivated deep down by a sense of insufficiency, a need to be better, stronger, faster; to work harder; to be more committed, more kind, more self-sufficient, more successful. We are driven be a sense that we are not, as we are, ‘enough.’ But this short poem by Derek Walcott is like a declaration of unconditional love. It’s like the embrace of an old friend. We are each of us whole, perfectly imperfect, enough.” Tom Hiddleston.</span>
  
</p><p><span>End Quote. </span> <br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. 22.1 Working On A Compromise, 22.2 Being, Belonging, Becoming, 22.3 Time To Explore, 22.4 Fun at the Beach</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>22.1 WORKING ON A COMPROMISE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Trying hard not to laugh as I lay beside her, I knew exactly what was going through her head when she started the deep breathing.  It’s a technique she’s used in the past when she’s struggling to calm her thoughts and get to sleep, breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, exhale for a count of 8.  She usually does it 4 times, but I could tell this time it wasn’t working when, after the second repetition, her feet started tapping and having been through this before, I knew she’d be bouncing out of bed within the next 10 seconds...and she didn’t disappoint. </p><p>Calming her down is a lot easier than she thinks it is, play with her hair, talk her down and she usually sleeps well.  I don’t know what it is about my voice but it works almost every time.  Once she was asleep, I curled up behind her and fell asleep with her in my arms. </p><p>Next morning, I woke before her and lay listening to the ocean.  I was going to miss waking up to the sound of it just as much as she was, but it was time to leave.  I needed to be alone with my wife for a few days before the reality of normal, everyday life came knocking on the door. </p><p>Movement beside me alerted me to the fact that she was waking, and I rolled towards her kissing her forehead just as she opened her eyes. </p><p>“G’morning babe,” she mumbled in her sleep laced voice as she stretched cat-like then wrapped herself around me.  “Gonna miss that sound.” </p><p>“I’ve just been lying here thinking that exact same thing.  We do have all the birds though; they don’t tend to get them here.” </p><p>“Because there’s not many big trees near the beach,” she said.  “They probably do a bit further inland.  I’m looking forward to sleeping in my own bed.  I love this one, but it’s not mine.” </p><p>“I don’t mind which bed I sleep in, as long as it’s comfortable and you’re in it,” I told her.  “I suppose we should get up, have a coffee, get the boys ready and finish packing the car.” </p><p>“You’re eager to get going,” she laughed.  “I thought you wanted to leave mid – late morning.” </p><p>“Well, we’re awake so why not get moving?  The sooner we move, the sooner we get there.” </p><p>… </p><p>Coffee finished, we went back to our room, finished packing our toiletries and the few other things we had lying around.  Packing the car was going to be fun as we had to try and get our bags, the dog crates, Christmas gifts and 2 x four and half feet canvases in.  The only way I could see it working was to try and lay the canvases across the top of the dog crates.   </p><p>“I can always get them couriered back,” she said worrying about them getting damaged. </p><p>“It’ll be fine,” I told her.  “I’ll just take a blanket out of each crate and wrap them.” </p><p>“Seriously, I’ll just courier them back.” </p><p>“No, it’s fine.  Look,” I told her as I lay them over the top of the crates.  “See, perfectly safe.’ </p><p>After giving me a doubtful look, she reluctantly agreed that it all looked safe and it was highly unlikely they would be damaged. </p><p>Loading bags in, then rounding up the dogs and putting them in their crates, we were ready to go other than saying our goodbyes. </p><p>Chris, Elsa, India and Sasha all gave us a hug and a kiss goodbye but Tristan buried his face in Chris’s chest and didn’t want to say goodbye because “I want Uncle Tom to play.”   </p><p>“We’ll play next time I see you.  Maybe mum and dad can bring you with them next time they come to our house and we can play then.  How would that be?  If it’s still warm, we can go out and play in the pool.”   </p><p>“Maybe Uncle Tom and Aunt Missy can look after you while mum and I go out?” Chris suggested with Elsa chiming in quickly, “Yeah, you’d love that wouldn’t you?  Next time we have to go down to the city, we’ll do that.” </p><p>“Anytime,” we both said together.   </p><p>“We’d love to have them,” I said.   </p><p>Tristan reluctantly gave me a hug then said goodbye to Aunt Missy before turning to Chris and asking, “Can we go to Uncle Tom’s the next day dad?  Not this day but the next day after we go to sleep?  Can we dad?” </p><p>Chris chuckled, “Maybe not quite that soon, but we’ll definitely go before Uncle Tom goes overseas ok?” </p><p>Seemingly satisfied with that, the children were bored with all the goodbyes and ran back inside to go play.  We said a last goodbye, then into the car and set off.    </p><p>We drove for a couple of hours then stopped at one of the many rest stops along the way, let the dogs out so they could pee and have a drink, then loaded them back in.  </p><p>We played music, taking turns to pick which song we wanted to listen to and sang at the top of our lungs, off key, out of tune and not particularly giving a damn, just having a great time and enjoying the fact that we were together. </p><p>“I was thinking about what you said last night” she said, “about me not working all the time.  In your idea of a perfect world, how many days a week would I work, and what hours would I work on those days – and you’re not allowed to say I wouldn’t work at all because we both know that’s not happening.  Be realistic.” </p><p>“In my perfect world?” I asked.  “As in, you’ll let me tell you what I’d like you to do, then you’ll completely ignore everything I say and do what you want anyway?  That kind of perfect world?” </p><p>“Well, the way I see it is this,” she said, completely disregarding what I’d just said.  “In your perfect world I wouldn’t work at all, but like I said, that’s not going to happen.  I know what I’d like to be doing so, with what you want and what I want, we try to find a middle ground that suits both of us, but it has to be something that I can also pitch to Savannah and Maggie.” </p><p>“Before you jump down my throat when I say what I think, I want you to consider why I’m saying it.  You’ve got so much you want to get done with painting and photography as well as wanting to involve yourself with the local Indigenous Community, you said you wanted to start writing again, all these things are going to take a toll on you if you don’t give yourself time to do it all.  Not only that, but you need down time and I don’t want to have to make an appointment to see you.” </p><p>“I’ve always got time for you, don’t be so dramatic,” she said. </p><p>“No love, you don’t. Oh, you make time for me yes, but you’re not usually completely with me.  There’s always something going on in your head.” </p><p>“So you’re saying I’m selfish?” she questioned. </p><p>“Oh my God, what is it with you and putting words in my mouth?  No, I’m not saying you’re selfish.  We’re in a good place now, I don’t want to lose that.  We’ve just spent some quality time together and I want to keep doing that for as long as we can.  Ideally, I’d like to see you only working a couple of days a week,” I told her waiting for her to protest loudly. </p><p>“A couple of days?  You only want me to work a couple of days a week?” </p><p>“Well, as you said, ideally you wouldn’t work at all.  I think a couple of days a week would be good.  Get Maggie to do weekends, Savannah has Theresa so you don’t want her working weekends.  You have me so....” </p><p>“You’re not working at the moment so I don’t see why it matters,” she interrupted but I chose to ignore her. </p><p>“...it would be easier if you weren’t working weekends. Without being cold hearted, Maggie doesn’t have a partner so weekends make sense for her.  On one of the days you work, give Savannah time off the floor so she can catch up on any office work that she needs to do, or use the time to research current and coming trends and stocktake.  Savannah could work Monday – Friday; Maggie Saturday and Sunday and maybe Thursday nights if you choose to do late night shopping and you do Monday’s and Tuesday’s.” </p><p>She was quiet for a minute, obviously thinking about what I’d said but I knew she was never going to go for it.   </p><p>“Monday to Thursday but I’ll go in late on Thursday and stay late to help Maggie.” </p><p>“Monday, Tuesday and Thursday nights <em> if </em> Maggie needs help,” I replied. </p><p>“Monday, Tuesday and Thursday nights if Maggie needs help, plus Wednesdays if I’m needed but it wouldn’t be a permanent thing.  I’d use the Wednesday to clean, rearrange stock, have a look at the new stock Savannah wants. I know she’s the manager, but it’s still my business,” she said. </p><p>“The only objection I have to the Thursday night is if we want to go away for a few days you’d have to get Savannah to step in or leave Maggie to do it on her own.” </p><p>“If Savannah has to do it, she can have time off during the week and I can cover for her.  I’m feeling more confident with that bloody register and I’m going to get them to teach me how to fit bras properly and why are we turning off here?  This isn’t the way home.” she said. </p><p>“I just want to make a detour,” I answered.   </p><p>“Detour to where?” she asked. </p><p>“Just a detour,” I answered, deliberately evasive. </p><p>“Babe, I just want to get home. Is this going to take long?” she questioned. </p><p>“Just sit tight, won’t take too long ok?” </p><p>Muttering under her breath about coffee, dinner and her bed, she made a big show of looking at her watch but sat quietly, watching the passing scenery. </p><p>“You’re not terribly subtle,” I said as she checked her watch yet again. “Just look out your window and enjoy the scenery, look how close the ocean is.”  </p><p>“It’s going to be really late when we get home is all, and I wanted to get unpacked and get everything put away so we don’t have to do it tomorrow,” she told me.  “But the ocean <em> does </em> look good.  I never tire of it.” </p><p>“Well, there might be a little problem with getting home tonight,” I told her as we pulled up in front of a tourist park.  </p><p>“What are we doing here?” she asked as I parked the car and got out.   </p><p>“Just wait there for a minute.” </p><p>I went inside the office, spoke to the receptionist and said I’d made a booking.  5 minutes later, key and map in hand I was getting back in the car.  Driving along a road in the tourist park, I checked the directions on the map I’d been handed and pulled up in front of a villa, turning the engine off.  “Here we are,” I announced. </p><p>“What are we doing here?” she asked. </p><p>“Welcome to your home away from home for the next couple of nights,” I said.  </p><p>“Babe, do you know where we are?” she queried. </p><p>“Well yes, I<em>  did </em> make the booking.” </p><p>“No, I mean do you realise the significance of this area?” </p><p>“Of course I do darling.  We’re in Worimi territory.  I thought you might like a couple of days to explore where your ancestors are from.” </p><p>It would appear all thoughts of getting home had suddenly disappeared. </p><p>
  
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  <strong>22.2 BEING, BELONGING, BECOMING</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“We won’t have time to get in contact with the Community while we’re here but I thought you could have a look around.  I know you’ve been here before, but I thought after visiting with everyone up at The Bay you might like to come back and maybe see it through slightly different eyes.” </p><p>She turned to me with tears in her eyes, “I honestly don’t know how to thank you enough.  I know you’ll think it’s all in my head, but I can feel it, that feeling of belonging.  I actually still have family on dad’s side who live around here.” </p><p>“Maybe you should look them up while we’re here.  It’s a starting place and who knows where it could lead.” </p><p>“I’ve no idea where they are, wouldn’t know where to start to try and find them.” </p><p>“You could start by talking to your father,” I suggested. </p><p>“I doubt he’d know anything.  I barely hear from him and I’m his daughter, so I doubt very much that he’d know anything about extended family.” </p><p>“You won’t know if you don’t ask, will you?”  </p><p>She shook her head, “No, I don’t suppose I will.  I’ll call him tomorrow.” </p><p>I knew damn well that she wouldn’t.  She’d track them down on her own eventually.  There were no hard feelings between father and daughter, but he’d moved on years ago with her stepmum’s family, then when her half-brother was born, both her and her sister were pushed further away.  She didn’t go out of her way to keep in touch anymore.    </p><p>“Come on,” I said as I put my arm around her. “Let’s get the boys out so they can pee.” </p><p>“You watch them,” she told me after we’d put their leashes on.  “I’m going to make coffee.  I’m assuming there are tea and coffee making facilities inside?” </p><p>“There certainly is, and a fully functional kitchen.  There’s no tub, only a shower apparently and I was told you can hear the ocean at night but rarely through the day because of the noise.” </p><p>“I don’t give a damn about a tub as long as there’s a shower.  Hearing the ocean will be lovely but it’s not a priority.  Ok, I'm going in.  Key please,” she said holding her hand out. </p><p>Handing her the key, she opened the door and disappeared inside while I waited for the boys to finish their business.  There were no screams of horror coming from inside so I figured the place must be ok.    </p><p>Once the boys were finished, we walked up the two steps to get inside, slid the door open and went in.  Bobby hung back with me while Paddy took off, his nose in every crevice and on every piece of furniture he could find.  Bobby waited patiently while I removed his leash, then he started sniffing at everything – Paddy still had his leash trailing after him, too curious to stop – a bit like someone I know.  There’s a saying that says something about pets and owners being alike isn’t there?  </p><p>I swear she must have heard my thoughts at that point because she shot me a rather unamused look, then went after Paddy and took the leash off him before returning to the kitchen.  With a horrified look on her face, she turned to me and said, “They’ve only got instant coffee.”  </p><p>“Do you have your emergency stash of coffee bags?” I asked. </p><p>“Oh, I forgot about them,” she said.  “They should be in the glove compartment.” </p><p>“So, I’ll go and check then will I?” I asked, guessing I’d be doing it as she made no move to check. </p><p>“Oh, that’d be great, thanks babe.” </p><p>Checking the glove compartment, I found the coffee bags she keeps for situations like this. Getting them out I was about to take them inside when I realised we had no dog food; we’d left what we had at The Bay.  Damn!  Taking the coffee inside I said, “I need to head to a supermarket or pet store, we’ve got no dog food.” </p><p>“Well, we’re going to need to get food for ourselves anyway so we can do it all together.  Just let me have a coffee then we can do whatever you want.” </p><p>“Don’t you need milk?” I asked. </p><p>“They’ve got these little ones,” she answered, holding up little individual serves. </p><p>Half an hour later we were back in the car and heading to the shops.  We’d had to put the boys back in their crates as we didn’t want to leave them on their own given that they were in a strange place.  One of us would stay at the car with them while the other grabbed some groceries and dog food. </p><p>“I’ll go,” she said when we got to the supermarket. “You take the boys for a bit of a walk by the river, then when I’m finished, I’ll come join you.  I just want to get a bit of a feel for the place.” </p><p>“How about, I go and you take the boys for a walk? That way you can spend a bit longer soaking it all in.” </p><p>“You really wouldn’t mind?” she asked.  “I know it can be a little time consuming for you.” </p><p>“I can be on the phone to you and just keep my head down, appear busy if I need to,” I told her.  </p><p>I managed to get through the shop without incident, got the dog food and some basics for us.   I made sure I got more coffee bags so she didn’t have to drink instant coffee; not that I mind because I’m not particularly fond of the instant stuff myself. </p><p>Putting the groceries and dog food in the car, I dialed her number to find out where she was, then went to join her.  I found her sitting on a bench seat overlooking the river, dogs at her feet, their heads resting on her feet.  I made a noise as I approached so she knew I was there and as I sat down beside her, she turned to me with the most beautiful smile on her face, “I love my river; loved growing up on it and I need to be near it because it relaxes me and, I don’t know how to explain it, I just need to be near it even though it’s not my ancestral home - but this, this is something else.  I can feel it in here,” she said pointing to her solar plexus.  “I’m home.” </p><p>“Probably a silly question but, did you feel that the first time you came here?” I asked. </p><p>“I still remember the first time I became aware of the feeling.  We’d come here a bit when I was a kid but I don’t really remember it that well. We stopped coming when all the shit went down with mum and dad separating, then obviously I got into a situation that meant I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. After I escaped and recovered, I decided to come here. I don’t really know why I chose here but I felt drawn to this place. I’d just got my driver’s licence and wanted to go somewhere.   I remember driving up and wondering what the hell I thought I was doing coming to an area I didn’t know, still a little fragile in mind and body.  From the moment I got out of the car, I knew this place. I felt like I was home.  I drove around, just knowing how to get places which is weird. I rang mum and asked if we’d been to certain places when I was younger, but we hadn’t. I thought maybe somehow, I’d remembered bits and pieces from back then; I couldn’t possibly have known certain places I went to, but I found them with no map and without getting lost – which you know is an achievement as I can still get lost going from our neighbourhood to the neighbouring suburb.”    </p><p>Nodding, I agreed it was odd, because she’s absolutely useless when it comes to finding her way around and can still get lost even using satellite navigation, apparently, they keep changing the roads on her so the sat nav makes mistakes... her words, not mine. </p><p>“I almost decided to stay up here but I felt torn between being here and being by my river, the one I’d grown up on.  I struggled when it was time to leave and honestly felt like I’d left a piece of me here.  It’s so hard to put into words the way this place makes me feel.  It’s a mix of being, belonging and becoming.  Like, just ‘being’ -  no past, no future, just being in the moment, in this time and belonging here.  Silly as it may seem, I’ve always felt welcome here and because of that I become aware of who I am, a child of the land.  Probably sounds crazy to you I know.” </p><p>“Not really.  I’ve said before that I don’t have that connection to the land that you talk of, I don’t feel an attachment in the spiritual sense that you seem to, but I understand the love for it.  As you know, I miss being home. I miss the seasons, the smell, the light.  It’s always so bright, so harsh here.  Back home it’s different, there’s a softness.  I miss the cold, wet days where you can just curl up with a good brew and a book with the fire going.  I know you struggle when we’re away, and after talking with the Bundjalung People I think I have a slightly better understanding about that connection to the land but it’s still something that seems a bit foreign to me.” </p><p>“I’m quite serious when I say I want to explore my culture further.  It’s time for me to do it. I wasn’t ready before but so much has changed in the last six months it feels right to be doing this.  I want to learn about the dreaming, I want to be able to tell a story through art, feel that connection to the People.  I know it’s not going to be Worimi People that I’m with, but I’m hoping that with my connections to the river, and growing up where I did, that Darug Nation might take me in and help me learn.  I grew up in the Darug Nation so to me it makes sense to know the ways of the People, and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get in contact with Worimi Nation and they might be able to point me in the right direction for readings on the internet.  I know traditionally it’s all word of mouth but they’ve got a lot online...I’m sorry babe, here’s me babbling on and on.  I’ll hush now.  Let’s head back to the villa, get something to eat and just hang out.” </p><p>“Darling, seeing you passionate about something is hardly you babbling on and on.  I’m proud of you for getting to a point where you want to learn about who you are and where you’re from.  Just don’t leave me behind.  I’d love to learn with you so I can understand too, if that’s ok of course, but yes, I’d like to head back and eat.  And hanging out with you sounds absolutely wonderful, maybe we can watch the sunset while you put that grey goop on...outside...in the fresh air...away from me.” </p><p>She laughed a big belly laugh at that, then said, “Oh babe, you best get used to it, I might go full bush medicine.” </p><p>“You wouldn’t dare,” I said. </p><p>Turning the full power of those eyes on me, she smiled and said, “Wouldn’t I?” </p><p>
  
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  <strong>22.3 TIME TO EXPLORE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Shocked? Stunned?  Surprised?  Yes!  You could have knocked me down with a feather when he said this was our home away from home for the next couple of days.  I wish I could put into words the love I feel for this man.  This is his holiday too, and even though I donated his time without his knowledge and abandoned him to the Goori children on our second visit, he hasn’t complained once.  And then, to do this for me is just such a selfless thing to do.   </p><p>“Do you want to stay here and eat now or should we go for a bit of a walk while we’ve still got daylight?” I asked. </p><p>“I’m hungry but I don’t mind waiting,” he answered.  “I wouldn’t mind going for a walk. We’ve still got about an hour before sundown.” </p><p>“I don’t mind if you want to eat first.  I’m just appreciative of the fact that we’re here.  I can leave the exploring until tomorrow.” </p><p>“How’s your knee holding up?” he asked.   </p><p>“My knee’s fine.  I have to be back for sundown to put the goop on,” I answered. </p><p>“Yes, and you can put that on outside. Down wind.  Down river.  Way down river,” he laughed. </p><p>“You seriously have no sense of adventure Hiddleston.  It’s not that bad.” </p><p>“My sense of adventure is just fine thanking you.  It’s my sense of smell that objects strongly.  You have to admit darling, that goop could just about peel paint it’s so strong.” </p><p>“Maybe we should keep some in case either one of us gets a head cold, we could use it to clear our noses,” I suggested with a grin. </p><p>“I’d rather a blocked nose,” he said, shuddering.  “So, are you ready?” </p><p>“Sure am.  Do you think we should get their harnesses or just their leash?” I asked, indicating the dogs. </p><p>“Probably their harnesses,” he answered.   </p><p>Dogs harnessed, a bottle of water each, hat and sunglasses and we were ready to head out. </p><p>The villa we’re staying in is situated on a thin needle of land and sits right on the river front with the ocean a short walk over a small hill out the back.  Across the river is a large expanse of land that has play equipment, a walking track that leads along the river front and then in the distance is a small township.  The bridge that joins us to the other side of the river is only a 5 minute walk away and joins the road that leads up the coast to the many little townships dotted along the way.  On this side of the river and only a short walk away is a 5 kilometre (approx 3 miles) walking track that leads through a sensory garden which is a riot of colour and smell.  There are bench seats dotted along the walking track which runs parallel to the river.  A boat ramp and fish co-op are situated off the main road not far from the sensory garden and you can get fresh fish, or a burger and chips and a cold drink there if you want.  The path detours away from the river towards the end as it loops back on itself ready for the return walk.  You can see pelicans, gulls, ducks, cormorants, swans and herons all on the water or fishing on the water’s edge.  It was truly beautiful.  </p><p>“I suppose we should head back,” Tom said. “It’ll be sundown soon.” </p><p>“Only 2 more days of the goop babe, then Ngarra said I can stop.” </p><p>“I can’t say I’ll be sorry,” he told me.   </p><p>We headed back to the villa, fed the boys, toileted them, then put the blankets from their crates on the floor where they curled up and went to sleep.  We had dinner, then showered and kicked back on the veranda and listened to the fish jumping in the water, the sounds of the ocean filtering across the hill behind us.  The waterfront on the other side of the river was alive with people, food vans and market stalls for the local night markets.  We thought about going over but neither one of us really wanted to, preferring to just sit and watch the world go by. </p><p>“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Tom asked. </p><p>“I’d like to head over the other side of the river and have a walk around, get a feel for the place then, if I can find any, I’d like to get some paint and paper.” </p><p>“Paper?” he questioned.  “You never paint on paper.” </p><p>“I know, but I want to give traditional painting a go and I’d rather practice on paper first.  I struggled with it and think paper is best to practice on until I get the hang of it.” </p><p>“Do you want to go alone or do you want some company?” he asked. </p><p>“I’d love company but what about the boys?” </p><p>“They can go to the doggy day care,” he told me. </p><p>“Doggy day care? Here?”  </p><p>He nodded, “I thought I told you they had a doggy day care on site.  Maybe I just thought I told you.” </p><p>“You must have just thought it.  Shall I start calling you Missy?” I laughed.  “See, now you know how it goes.  I keep telling you I swear I've told you things when you tell me I haven’t.  Anyway, do you think they’ll be ok?” </p><p>“We’re not leaving them all day.  We’ll just put them in for a few hours then we’ll come back and get them while we have lunch.  After that we can decide whether to put them back in or take them with us.” </p><p>“Babe, I truly don’t know how to thank you enough for this. You honestly are the greatest person and I’m so damn lucky to have you.” </p><p>“Well, I think I’m pretty lucky to have you too.  How about we have an early night?  I’m kind of tired after all the driving and want to be up early to go down to the beach and watch the sunrise.” </p><p>I smiled, “Sounds wonderful.  Should we let the boys out to pee one last time?” </p><p>Nodding he said, “Might be an idea, there’s no doggy door here like at home.” </p><p>Dogs toileted, windows open, we lay down on the bed and both commented about the mattress being what you would call ‘firm.’” </p><p>… </p><p>On the beach the next morning, neither one of us having slept terribly well on what Tom called ‘the brick,’ we sat sipping coffee, each with a dog at our feet and watched the sun peek it’s head over the horizon.  There was nothing spectacular about the sunrise, but for me it was wonderful as I was with the most wonderful man in the world, we had our boys with us and I was ‘home.’   </p><p>We waited until the sun was all the way up, me with the grey goop in hand much to Tom’s disgust, then headed back to the villa where Tom had breakfast while I fed the dogs and we got ourselves ready for the day. </p><p>“Are you sure they’ll be ok in the doggy day care?” I asked.  “They don’t know anyone there and I don’t want them stuck in a cage all day.” </p><p>“I’m sure they’ll be fine, but why don’t you come up with me and check the place out for yourself so you’re not stressing about them.” </p><p>“Yeah, I think I will actually,” I said gathering Paddy’s lead.  “You know if I get a bad vibe they’re not staying, don’t you?” </p><p>“Let’s just go and take a look,” the voice of reason said.  “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” </p><p>Walking up to the doggy day care, Tom opened the door and we entered a huge room that had been sectioned off using pool fencing.  There were chew toys, dog beds, ramps, tyres...just about anything a dog could want.  There were water fountains in each section and it looked and smelled clean.  We were greeted by a young woman, probably early twenties at a rough guess, who spoke to the dogs before she spoke to us.  Brownie points to her.  She introduced herself, “Hi I’m Hannah, and who do we have here?” </p><p>Tom and I both looked at each other and smiled.  “Bobby and Paddy,” he replied. </p><p>“Hello Paddy,” she said scratching Paddy behind the ear, “Hello Bobby,” she greeted, giving him a scratch on the shoulder.  “They’re the only ones at the moment, I’ve got a tentative booking for another one towards lunchtime but it’s fairly quiet today so they’ll have the run of the place.  Is there anything I need to know about them?” </p><p>“No, they’re pretty easy.  Paddy tends to be very curious which can get him into a bit of trouble and Bobby loves squeaky toys but other than that, they’re just normal dogs,” Tom told her. </p><p>Looking around while they were talking, I was fairly impressed by what I saw.  It was clean, there was lots for them to do, I didn’t get a bad vibe from the place and they were wagging their tails so I was happy to leave them here. </p><p>Tom looked across to me and raised his eyebrow slightly waiting for my nod, which I gave.  We filled out the paperwork, said goodbye to the boys who were already off playing and really couldn’t have cared whether we were there or not, then told Hannah to give us a call should there be any problems at all and that we should be back by lunchtime.   </p><p>“Do you mind if I drive?” I asked. </p><p>“No, I don’t mind,” he said, handing me the keys.  “Do you need the sat nav?” </p><p>“I don’t think so,” I replied.  “But if I do, I’ll let you know.  Is there anywhere in particular you want to go?’ </p><p>“I’m happy to tag along with you darling.  Wherever you’d like to go is where we’ll go.” </p><p>“I’d like to go town side of the river and have a walk around if that’s ok.” </p><p>“As I said, whatever you’d like to do.” </p><p>… </p><p>We wandered through the parkland on the town side of the river then down to the swampland that signaled the start of Worimi Nation land.  I just stood and soaked it all up, Tom standing behind me with his arms around my shoulders.  We’d been wandering along, holding hands, pointing out different things to each other when Tom turned and asked, “Would you like to go to the beach?” </p><p>“Should we call and see how the boys are?” I asked. </p><p>“I’m sure they’re fine love.  They’d have called if there were any problems,” he told me. “Did you want to go to the beach?” </p><p>“I do but there’s something I want to get in town first if they have any.  Would you mind if we stopped and checked if they have any art supplies?” </p><p>“I don’t mind at all.  What are going to paint?” </p><p>“I have no idea.  After we go to the beach and get the boys back, I want to go sit by the river with my paints, some paper, a stick and just let it happen.  I don’t want to think about it, don’t want to plan it, I just want to let it happen.” </p><p>“It’ll be nice to see you clear your mind completely. Right, let’s go see if we can find some art supplies,” he said as he took the sunglasses off his head, put them on his face, pulled his hat down then took my hand and headed for town.  </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>22.4  FUN AT THE BEACH</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took us a while to find any art supplies, but not so long to attract attention unfortunately.  I admit, I wasn’t really in the mood for people and ended up telling him I was going on without him so I could get what I needed while he posed for photos.  I felt a bit guilty because he gave me one of his ‘don’t you dare leave me’ looks.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t be long,” I said as I walked away.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a minute,” he called after me.  “I won’t be long. I’ll come with you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” I told him.  “I’ll be quicker if I go on my own.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But, I wan...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I turned, as someone else stepped up to him, “Can I just get a photo please Tom?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I heard him say, “Sorry folks I’m on holidays with my wife. If you’ll excuse me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one quick one, please.  I tried to see you when you were in Sydney doing the...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t hear the rest of what was said as I was out of earshot.  I had a quick glance back and saw him looking after me but with half a dozen people around him all with phones out. I thought it was best if I just kept walking or I was pretty much going to lose my cool.  All we wanted to do was be able to spend some time doing what everyone else did when they were on holidays: check out the sights, go to the shop, explore the area.  I try hard to be understanding I really do, but sometimes it just really sucks that people can’t respect the fact that everyone is entitled to a private life.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Having got a few different paints, a couple of brushes and some paper, I was ready to rejoin Tom.  I found him sitting pretty much where I’d left him, head down, hands hanging between his legs.  Looking up when he heard the </span>
  <span>footsteps, he</span>
  <span> shook his head and said, “I wish you’d have waited for me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If I’d have hung around, I would have lost my cool.  Better that I just leave you to it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but we’re supposed to be on holidays.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We are.  It’s just that you have adoring fans that want your attention.”           </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault.  Look, I’m sorry too.  It’s just that I’m really not in the mood for the interruptions.  I know that’s terribly selfish of me, but it’s how I feel.  Maybe we should just head home and be done with it.  Lock ourselves away in our little bubble,” I told him as I looked up and saw the crestfallen look on his face.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean that.  It’s just that, people know you’re here...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>We’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> here,” he interrupted. “I’m here with </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“...and will probably be keeping an eye out for you now.  Which means </span>
  <span>every time</span>
  <span> we set foot out the door....this,” I finished, meaning what had just happened.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you want me to do,” he said.  “I can stay inside but that defeats the purpose of us being here.  I can tell everyone we’re on holiday and ask that they respect our privacy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I scoffed at that one. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Or we can head home as you suggested.  I really don’t know what else I can do.  I’m sorry it’s messed things up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault.  How about we go to the beach for a little while and see how it goes?  If all goes well, we can go get the boys then hide out somewhere along that walkway we were on last night?  I can paint, you can read or walk, whatever you want.  If anyone comes close, I’ll just tell them to piss off and leave you alone.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed a real belly laugh when I said that, “I can just picture you doing it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I would,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you would darling, and that’s what makes it all the funnier.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Heading back over the bridge, we parked the car near the villa, I took the art supplies inside then we headed to the beach, both of us wanting to dodge people if it were at all possible.  Hopefully it was a one off and they’d be happy with their photos.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After walking up a gently sloped track, we stood on top of a grassy verge looking out over a wide expanse of sand that led down to the ocean. The sun caught the ripples on the surface of the water and sparkled like thousands of crystals.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks so pretty,” I said nodding towards the ocean.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It almost hurts my eyes to look at all the light bouncing off the water.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s walk down onto the beach itself. It might not be quite so bright from down there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kicking our shoes off, we left them at the edge of the track and walked barefoot onto the sand then down to the water’s edge.   There was a rather large sand bar that you could walk out on, then the water level dropped off quite quickly.  We walked out into the barely ankle-deep water, enjoying the cool water on our feet.  Turning my back on the ocean, I smiled as Tom was looking down at the shells that were visible in the sand and, unable to help myself, kicked the water so it splashed all over him.  He looked up in surprise as I kicked again, looked down at his water splashed shirt then looked up at me, mischief dancing in his blue eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit,” I said as I turned and started running parallel to the shore before taking a slight diagonal turn heading for dry sand.  I could hear his footsteps not too far behind me.  Arms pumping, I had to get to shore because I could see the sand bar I was running along was about to end.  The water at the end of the sand bar was still fairly shallow but not shallow enough that I could keep running the way I was.  Sidestepping, I was praying that Ngarra’s grey goop worked as well as it had seemed to be as I raced along.  The skirt I was wearing started to impede my progress so I grabbed at the side and pulled it up just as I felt Tom’s arm snake around my waist.         </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Squealing as I was lifted off my feet and scooped up in his arms, I went to wrap my arms around his neck but he turned quickly and unceremoniously dumped me on my ass in the deeper water.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You think you’re hysterical don’t you Hiddleston,” I said, spitting salt water out of my mouth, looking up to see him laughing so hard he had to put his hands on his knees.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You look a sight,” he managed to say between guffaws.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Picking myself up and tucking the skirt up so it wasn’t wrapped around my legs, I started walking back to the sand bar he was still standing on, smirk on my face.  He looked up as I hit the edge of the sand bar and, </span>
  <span>realising</span>
  <span> what I was about to do, turned and started running.  I had enough of a start that I was able to tap his ankle making him lose his balance; the only trouble was, his arms windmilled as he went to fall and he grabbed hold of me, taking me down with him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ouch,” was all I heard as he landed on his back with me coming down half on top of him but momentum making me slide up his body so I ended up basically somersaulting over him, both of us laughing hard, heads resting side by side.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking across at him, salt water making his hair curl wildly, I thought he looked the sexiest I’d ever seen him.  He rolled slightly and kissed me hard on the lips.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you look like a drowned rat,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee thanks, and here I was thinking you looked about as sexy as I'd ever seen you look,” I chuckled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I didn’t say you didn’t look sexy, in fact that top is quite...well, anyway,” he said nodding towards the white singlet top I was wearing.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking down I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> what he meant.  White singlet top, white bra, both wet, yep, you can imagine.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You done trying to drown us both?” he questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“For now,” I laughed.  “Give me 5 minutes and we’ll see how it goes.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Getting up, he stood dripping water all over </span>
  <span>me, then</span>
  <span> tried to run his fingers through his hair but they got snagged in the knots the curls had formed.  “Damn,” he said.  “That’s going to be fun trying to comb that out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do it,” I said, taking the hand he held out to me, helping me to my feet.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Might take you up on that,” he replied, “It’s a mess.  How’s the knee holding up after that?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” I said, flexing it a couple of times.  “See how it goes a bit later I guess.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall we go get the boys, get cleaned up and have something to eat?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We walked back up to the track, got our shoes and tried to shake the worst of the sand off ourselves as Tom suggested we should maybe go back to the villa and get cleaned up before getting the boys.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But I want to get the boys,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you do darling but at the moment, it’s the girls that are a bit of a problem,” he said as he nodded towards my chest.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking down I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> that my singlet and bra were still extremely see through and agreed it might be best to head back to the villa.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I walk close behind you?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you promise not to bite me or otherwise do anything to upset my balance,” he said with a chuckle, “I’d be happy to piggyback you.  That way you can just lean against me and you’re in no danger of giving anyone we pass an eyeful.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I don’t promise?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we both fall down and make complete asses of ourselves,” he laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Won’t be the first time,” I giggled as I remembered a couple of </span>
  <span>times</span>
  <span> we’d both fallen ass up being stupid.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. 23.1 Stupid Fish, 23.2 Madness and Mayhem, 23.3 In The Doghouse, 23.4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>23.1 STUPID FISH</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Arriving back at the villa, we both had a quick shower and attempted to wash as much sand out of our hair as possible, but given we were heading home tomorrow, we weren’t too fussy.  Tom offered to go get the boys while I made coffee and sandwiches then, once we’d eaten, I’d comb the knots out of his hair.   </p><p>Ten minutes later, he returned with the dogs, said they’d had a great time, and according to Hannah they hadn’t stopped playing which would explain why they went straight to their blankets curled up and went to sleep. </p><p>Tom came and sat on the floor in front of the chair I was sitting on so I could start combing his hair which tangles so damned easily.  The curls may look gorgeous, but they’re a real bugger to keep neat and tidy, which is why his hair always look the way it does when it gets longer. </p><p>“You need to sit still,” I told him as he moved his head yet again. </p><p>“It pulls,” he said. </p><p>“Of course it pulls, you didn’t use conditioner did you?” I asked. </p><p>“No, I just wanted to get finished.  I kept banging my elbows on the walls in there,” he said giving a vague wave in the general direction of the bathroom.  “Too small to do anything in there.” </p><p>“I managed,” I said.  “Wasn’t that difficult.” </p><p>“Yes, but there’s a slight size difference and I’ll bet you didn’t have to duck to get wet either; I did.  I’ll give it a good wash tomorrow when we get home.” </p><p>Having done as much as I could, I decided to go out and see if I could get some painting done.   </p><p>“Where are you headed?” he asked. </p><p>“I thought I might just go sit down at that table with the bench seats near the water’s edge.” </p><p>“I’ll come find you a bit later,” he said. </p><p>Wandering down with my art supplies, I sat down, got myself all set up and stared out over the water, hand hovering over the paper.  Dipping my stick in the paint, I started dabbing paint on the paper trying hard not to think too much about what I was doing but not succeeding.  I’m not entirely sure how long I’d been down there but I wasn’t having a good time, couldn’t get the painting right no matter how hard I tried and ended up throwing the stick across the table and making a paper airplane out of the painting.   </p><p>“I can see it’s going well,” he said as he retrieved both the stick and the painting.  “Very grown up of you.” </p><p>“Shut up Hiddleston.  I’m not in the mood and give me back my paper airplane.” </p><p>“What do you say?” he asked, eyebrow raised. </p><p>“Give me back my paper airplane,” I repeated, holding my hand out. </p><p>“Tsk, tsk,” was all I got in response from him.  “That’s no way to ask.  Use your manners.” </p><p>“Keep the damn thing,” I snapped as I glared out over the water.   </p><p>“Not going so well?” he asked as I got hit in the head with the paper airplane. </p><p>“I can’t get the stupid fish right no matter how hard I try.”  </p><p>Picking the paper up, he unfolded it and lay it out on the table.  “It’s not bad for a first attempt,” he told me.  “I can see it’s a fish so that has to be a positive doesn’t it?” </p><p>“Yes, but it’s terrible.  It just didn’t feel right when I was doing it.” </p><p>“How about we go for a walk along the walkway we were on yesterday?  There was that table up near the sensory garden, the one just back from the water a little, maybe you could sit at that and try.” </p><p>“I don’t want the boys to have to go back to the doggy day care so if we go, they’re coming with us.” </p><p>“That’s fine.  I’m taking a book with me so they can sit with me while you paint. They’ll probably go to sleep anyway.”  </p><p>Arriving back at the villa we’d just got in the door when a little buggy pulled up out the front and a woman called out ‘housekeeping.’ </p><p>Tom answered the door as I sorted out my paints and paper to put in a bag to take on our walk. </p><p>“Just here to give you fresh towels and see if there’s anything you need?  Do you want me to change the sheets while I’m here?” she asked as she went into the bathroom then came back out with the used towels. </p><p>“Don’t worry about the bed,” Tom said.  “I can’t think of anything we might need, can you darling?” </p><p>Shaking my head as I put the paints in a bag, I turned and smiled, “No, can’t think of anything and I’m sorry about the state of those towels, they’re a bit sandy.” </p><p>The housekeeper smiled, “These are not too bad.  Some of them don’t bear thinking about.  Sorry, I don’t mean to be nosy but who’s painting?” </p><p>“It’s mine and I know it’s terrible.  I made it into a paper airplane but my husband decided to salvage it.  It’s going in the bin.” </p><p>“It’s crude but the foundations are there.  When did you start painting?” </p><p>“That’s the first, and possibly the last,” I replied. </p><p>“Why the last?” she asked. </p><p>“Need you ask.  Look at it, it’s terrible,” I said as I snatched it up off the table and screwed it up. </p><p>“Not terrible.  As I said, it’s pretty crude but I’ve seen worse.  Keep trying,” she said. </p><p>“I was going to give it one more try.  We’re going for a walk up towards the sensory garden, I thought I might be inspired by the surroundings.” </p><p>“I finish in an hour; I’d be happy to show you where I go.  Small group of us women gather, talk, paint.  You can come if you want.” </p><p>"No men?” I asked. </p><p>Shaking her head, she said, “No, it’s our time away.” </p><p>“Thank you - sorry I don’t know your name?” </p><p>“Kelly,” she replied. </p><p>“Kelly.  Thanks, but I think I’ll just go to the sensory garden and spend some time with my husband.” </p><p>“No worries,” she said.  “But seriously, stick at it and try painting on a canvas; paper is too slippery and the paint goes everywhere.” </p><p>“I don’t generally paint on paper; I use canvases at home but thought I’d try on paper and see how I went.” </p><p>“Oh, so you paint?” </p><p>“Yes, but I want to learn traditional art.” </p><p>“Spiritual journey?” she questioned. </p><p>“Yes and no,” I answered with a smile.  “Ancestral home and we’re stopping in on the way to our physical home.” </p><p>“Good luck with it all,” she said as she opened the door.  “Maybe I’ll see you again one day.” </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later we were near the sensory garden, Tom relaxed with his legs stretched out in front of him reading a book, me with a blank piece of paper and paints in front of me, dogs curled up asleep on the picnic blanket we found at the villa. </p><p>I must have gone to start painting a dozen times, but each time I hesitated before applying paint to paper. </p><p>“This is hopeless,” I said in frustration.  “It’s just not coming to me.  I’ve never struggled so much in my life.  Maybe I’m just not meant to do it.” </p><p>Tom looked up from his book then smiled and nodded and, me being me, thought he was agreeing with me.  “Gee thanks for the support,” I muttered.  “Why the hell does it have to be so damn hard?” I asked myself. </p><p>“Because you’re thinking it instead of feeling it,” a voice from behind me said. </p><p>Turning, I saw a woman, probably mid-thirties standing there smiling at both Tom and I.  Bobby and Paddy got up and went straight over to her, both with tails wagging waiting for a scratch.  “Hello there,” she said to them.  “Aren’t you handsome boys?” </p><p>“I’m Kylie,” she said.  “Kelly told me I might find you here.  I don’t want to intrude but she said you were struggling a bit with your art and I thought I’d stop by.” </p><p>“Thank you?” I said in question.  “But why would you do that?” </p><p>“Helping a sister out,” she stated matter of factly. </p><p>“You’re Worimi People?” I asked. </p><p>“Sure am,” she said.  “You’re thinking the art not feeling it, that’s why it’s not happening.  May I?” she asked indicating the space beside me on the bench I was sitting on. </p><p>Nodding, I scooted a little further along so she could fit beside me.  Reaching out she took a piece of paper then lifted the little sticks I had in the paint.   </p><p>“Paint’s a bit thick but it will do,” she said as she started placing dots on the paper.  “So, what brings you to Worimi Nation?” she asked as she kept dotting. </p><p>“We’re on our way back home from Byron Bay and my husband surprised me with this little detour,” I replied.  </p><p>“What were you doing up north?” she questioned with a laugh, “I’m not being nosy, just genuinely interested in what prompted this visit and you to try your hand at traditional painting.” </p><p>She was so fast with the dots and was clearly running on instinct while she painted rather than thinking about it, and I was in awe of her.  </p><p>“How can you do that?” I asked, then glanced up at Tom to see if he was watching.  He was. </p><p>“I feel it, not think it.  You should try it.  So, what were you doing up north?” </p><p>I picked up one of the little sticks and started dotting the paper as I answered.  “We were visiting friends then circumstances lent themselves to us being able to visit the Bundjalung People while we were there and it really had an effect on me.  I was given bush medicine to use on my knee, which I injured mid last year, and it made me want to find out more about me.” </p><p>“Worimi Nation is your spiritual home,” she said. “But where’s home?” </p><p>“Different place now but I grew up in Darug Nation, by the river,” I replied.  </p><p>“What are you hoping to get out of all this?” she asked me. </p><p>“To be honest, I don’t really know. I just know that I want to learn,” I said. </p><p>“Good answer,” she said smiling as she put her sticks down. “Usually I get ‘I want to find the meaning of life’ or something equally as ridiculous.  You’re not going to find that, but you might find peace.” </p><p>Looking at the picture she’d just painted, I was in awe.  She’d painted a little woodpecker on a branch.  “Worimi totem,” she said.  “For women.  Hey look what you did not thinking.” </p><p>Looking down on the paper, I saw the damn fish I’d been trying to paint earlier.  “Oh my,” I gasped.  “I just did that!” </p><p>“Look at your story,” she told me.  “Tell me.” </p><p>“Man and woman here, made tracks to come to the river where the fish are.  Another woman comes in to the meeting place and then they’re together at the sitting place.” </p><p>“Good story,” Kylie smiled as she got up to leave, “Nice meeting you.  Remember, feel don’t think.  You’ve got it, just practice...a lot.” </p><p>Tom came to stand behind me and looked down at the paper with the fish on it.  “It’s a definite improvement,” he said.   </p><p>“I want to get a canvas,” I said.  “Can we go home? Now? I want to paint.” </p><p>Putting his finger in the white paint, he drew a small line either side of my nose then a line on my forehead and a line on my chin before he put his finger in the yellow paint and put a line next to the white on my chin and forehead.  Lightly smudging the paint on my forehead, he went to smudge it on my chin but I couldn’t help myself and held his finger between my teeth, biting down gently.   </p><p>“You shouldn’t be doing it,” I mumbled around his finger. </p><p>“Let go,” he said, smirking. </p><p>“Unh uh.” </p><p>“Let go. Final warning,” he said as he moved his body a little. </p><p>Failing to heed the warning even though the paint tasted awful, I kept his finger in my mouth like the stubborn brat that I am and soon found myself scooped up in his arms, Bobby and Paddy bouncing around thinking it was play time.  He started towards the water’s edge expecting me to let go.  I figured he was mucking around and kept his finger in my mouth - until he spun me around.  At that point I thought he was still mucking around, but let go to say, “you wouldn’t.”  </p><p>I was wrong. </p><p>He did. </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>23.2 MADNESS AND MAYHEM</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I shrieked as he spun me around then let go. That shriek was enough for the boys to want to get involved in the fun and, as I’ve landed in the water, they’ve both come running and jumped in with me even though Tom was yelling “no, no, stop!” and trying to gather their leashes. Watching him try to stop them while trying not to fall in himself had me in stitches.  I guess I asked for that, he did say it was my final warning before he dumped my ass in the river.  Standing on the edge of the water, arms thrown up in the air in defeat with the dogs, he looked down with a huge smile on his face.  Glad he thought he was funny; if he keeps this up, I’m going to run out of dry clothes because I hadn’t done any washing for a couple of days before we left The Bay.   </p><p>“Enjoying your swim?” he asked. </p><p>“Very much so thank you, aren’t we boys?” I replied as I pushed myself further out into the river and started doing a lazy breaststroke.  “Water’s quite pleasant actually.” </p><p>Standing there watching me for a minute, he motioned for me to come back to the edge where he put his hand down to help me out of the water.  Two can play your game Hiddleston, I thought to myself. </p><p>Putting my hand up for him to grab, I purposely let it slip a bit knowing he’d adjust his stance and reach down further to grab me properly.  Sure enough, he shuffled forward and as he did, I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the water. </p><p>Turning so that I was facing him, I smiled, “Enjoying your swim?” </p><p>After recovering from the initial shock of being dragged in he laughed out loud and said, “I half expected you to try something like that but really didn’t think you’d be able to do it given the size difference and the fact that you didn’t have anything to brace yourself against.” </p><p>“All I needed was you slightly off balance and I knew I could get you,” I laughed.   </p><p>“I underestimated your strength,” he said. </p><p>“You always do,” I replied. </p><p>“Sometimes I do,” he corrected.  “I know you’re strong I just sometimes forget how strong.” </p><p>“I suppose we should probably get out, get the boys out and head back to dry off.  Again.” </p><p>“No sand this time, so that’s a positive,” he pointed out. </p><p>I called the boys and got them out, getting another drenching as they shook themselves off.  Paddy wasn’t too bad because he only had short fur, but Bobby had long fur and it soaked up water like a towel.  By the time he’d finished shaking off, I may as well have still been in the river. </p><p>“Thanks for that Bobby,” I said flicking water off myself.  “I just needed that.” </p><p>Hearing his name and me laughing, he came running up to me, ears flapping, tongue lolling out his mouth all ready for a game. </p><p>“Not now,” I said to him as I turned in time to see Tom slide a little at the water’s edge.  Knowing Bobby was all set for a game and Tom was focused on where he was putting his feet, I couldn’t help myself. I did a bit of a jog towards the water, “Come on Bobby, come, come,” I called out in a high-pitched voice knowing full well he was going to run after me.  “Come on, let’s go.”  Bobby came running after me but I changed direction at the last minute leaving him heading straight for Tom.  Bobby, hell bent on playing, kept running straight at Tom, who lost his footing as the dog ploughed into his legs and fell backwards straight into the water. </p><p>Laughing fit to burst, I had to squat down, wipe tears from my eyes and hang on to my sides as both husband and dog splashed around in the water.  Paddy, excited by the ruckus was running up and down the river's edge barking and was so happy to see Tom coming to the water's edge that he launched himself at him knocking Tom off balance again.  That was the end of me, I was laughing so much I was crying, my face ached, my stomach ached, my legs gave out completely and I landed flat on my ass. </p><p>I finally managed to get myself under control enough to stand up, looked toward the river and saw Tom trying to round up two dogs who wanted nothing more than to play and lost it again.  He looked up in time to see me collapse in a heap on the ground again and must have seen the humour in the situation, because all I could hear was his belly laugh.   </p><p>Finally, I managed to get myself under control enough to get to the river's edge and called Paddy and Bobby back to shore again, and had a shower again as they shook themselves off.  Tom came out of the water carefully, eyes firmly on me to make sure I didn’t do anything that might make him end up back in the river again.  I waited until he was out, but still close to the edge, before I took a couple of quick steps towards him attempting to fake him out.  Well, that backfired.  He must have had a feeling I was going to do it, and as I started towards him, he started towards me.  Self-preservation kicked in and I went to run, slipped on the wet grass and by the time I righted myself, he was almost within arm's reach.  Turning, ready to take a step, I wasn’t quite quick enough and he had me pinned against him with one arm, tickling me with the other.  Squealing as he poked my waist, I twisted and turned trying to get away but he had me firmly in hand.  Legs giving out again, I tumbled onto the picnic mat with Tom looming over me ready to start round two.  </p><p>Letting go long enough to adjust his position, I reached up and grabbed his head, pulled him down and kissed him hard on the lips.  Waiting for him to get really involved in the kiss, I ran my arms over his back then moved my thumbs to his side before digging them into his armpit and tickling him.  What’s that saying about revenge being a dish best served cold?  Yeah, I don’t think so.  Mine was steaming hot and I was loving it.  Listening to Tom laughing as hard as he was is something that’s good for the heart. </p><p>“Ok truce,” he finally said, hands up in surrender. “Probably not a good idea to continue this here.” </p><p>“Truce,” I agreed taking my thumbs from his armpits and laying down on the mat beside him.  We were having a lovely quiet moment...then Bobby and Paddy decided that they needed some loving too and we were suddenly covered in wet dog.   </p><p>“Oh good Lord but they stink,” I said as I tried to get up from underneath Paddy, who just wanted to roll on me.   </p><p>“Paddy, come,” Tom called so I could get up.  “Might have to see if we can give them a bath or something, I’m not sure if I can put up with that smell all night, then on the way home in the car.” </p><p>“Probably should head back and see,” I said.  “By the time we get them cleaned up, then get us cleaned up it’ll be time to eat.” </p><p>Gathering all our stuff, I threw the bag with my paints and paper over my shoulder and took Paddy’s leash while Tom took Bobby and carried the picnic blanket.  We chatted about everyday life versus holiday life, pointing out the pros and cons of both.  As I said to him, our everyday life isn’t always ‘everyday,’ and whilst we’ve recently been able to spend a lot of time together, we quite often spend a lot of time apart. </p><p>“Let’s not think about time apart,” he said.  “It’s going to be a long time before we have to worry about it and I don’t want to spoil the remaining time of our holiday.” </p><p>“Agreed.  Ok, well, what about what you’re looking forward to most when we get home?” I asked. </p><p>“Hmm, that’s an easy one,” he said.  “Being alone with you.” </p><p>“But we’re alone here,” I said. </p><p>“Yes, with the potential for hundreds of eyes on us every time we set foot out the front door.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great time here, but I’m looking forward to home. What about you?  What are you looking forward to the most?” </p><p>“Same as you.  Being alone with you and not having to share you with anyone, although that will be short lived because we’re back at the shop.  But anyway, I’ll make the most of what time we do have.” </p><p>“Oh, and one more thing I’m really, really looking forward to at home,” he said. </p><p>“And what’s that?” I asked. </p><p>“The end of the grey goop,” he laughed.  “I can’t wait until I don’t have to smell that stuff anymore.” </p><p>I was counting down with that as well.  Only 3 more times to put it on, tonight, tomorrow morning then tomorrow night and after that I didn’t have to bother anymore.  Part of me would have been happy to ditch it now, but Ngarra had gone to the trouble of making it for me, so I wanted to make sure I honored his gesture and did as instructed.  I wasn’t having much trouble with my knee at all – every so often it would give a weird little twinge but nothing like what I'd gone through.  </p><p>… </p><p>Back at the villa, dogs bathed and dinner done, we visited the communal spa before taking a quick shower and settling down on the veranda looking across the river as the town came to life with the nightly food markets.  We thought about going but just couldn’t handle the thought of people at the moment, preferring to stay in our own little bubble. </p><p>“Oh, I forgot to tell you, Savannah and Theresa are back home.  Sav messaged to let me know.  Apparently, Elsa and Chris said they’re welcome to go up anytime and stay in the cottage.  She said they had a really good time and feel very relaxed,” I told Tom. </p><p>“Doesn’t surprise me they’re welcome back up there.  They seemed to fit in well, not that we really saw much of them.  That couple of weeks has gone so fast.” </p><p>“Too fast really.  I’ve had a brilliant time and feel so relaxed but I really don’t want it to end yet.  I feel like I need a week’s holiday at home to get over the holiday we just had.” </p><p>“So why don’t we?” </p><p>“Small matter of the shop,” I told him. </p><p>“Which has a manager to run it and it’s still the quiet period.  It’s not going to pick up for another week or two.” </p><p>“I can’t babe, I need to go sort out hours with Sav and Maggie.  Let’s just enjoy the rest of the night without thinking about it.  The working week will be here all too soon.”  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>23.3 IN THE DOGHOUSE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Waking to find an empty spot beside me in bed, I listened for sounds of her moving about but heard nothing. </p><p>“Come back to bed and keep me company, it’s our last morning,” I called out.  I was greeted by two dogs jumping up for a scratch, but no wife. </p><p>“Where is she?” I asked the dogs, giving them both a scratch behind the ears.  “Hmm, where did she run away to?”  Paddy jumped down off the bed and went out, came back, whined at me, then went out again.  “Darling?” I called out.  “Are you there?  I think Paddy needs to go out.” </p><p>Nothing. </p><p>“Look out Bobby, looks like I’m getting up.” </p><p>Getting out of bed, I pulled a pair of shorts on, used the bathroom then opened the door for Paddy, who was standing patiently waiting to go out.  Sniffing around on the grass he found a suitable spot, peed then stood there sniffing the air.  Bobby, deciding he’d come out too, went down onto the grass and peed before he also stood sniffing the air.  “Darling?” I called out. “Where are you?”  Still nothing.  Calling the boys back inside, I put on a t-shirt, checked to see if they’d been fed – they had – then left them inside while I had a quick look around to see if I could see her. I thought maybe she’d gone down to the river and was sitting watching the water, but there was no sign of her. </p><p>Going back inside the villa, I thought maybe she’d left a note that I'd missed.  No, nothing.  I hadn’t looked at my phone yet, so I checked it thinking maybe she’d sent a text.  No text.  Dialing her number, which I probably should have done first, I heard her phone ring.  Great! She’d left it here.  Next logical step would be to take a look on the beach; maybe she’d gone down to watch the sunrise.  I was also very aware that she was anything but logical.  I had no way of knowing what time she’d left, how long she was going to be – nothing.  We were due to leave around lunchtime and we still had to pack the car so I assumed she’d be back fairly soon.  Deciding to go to the beach and look, I left the boys with the promise I wouldn’t be long. </p><p>Walking up the slope, I stood on top of the hill and looked along the beach but it was deserted.  Where the hell is she? Sensory garden maybe.  Back to the villa I went, put my runners on and decided to take a run along the path and look for her.  Just in case she came back while I was gone, I grabbed a piece of paper from her art supplies, found a pen and wrote a note, ‘Gone to look for you.  Call me, don’t go anywhere,’ and left it on the table.  I debated taking the dogs, but decided it would be easier without them. </p><p>Checking the time before I left, I realised I’d been looking for her for over an hour.  I wasn’t too worried at the moment, but it was odd that she’d been gone this long knowing we were leaving in a few hours.  Setting off, I ran along the path to the sensory garden, stopping to check some of the more obscured spots along the river’s edge.  No sign of her.  At the garden, I walked over to the boat ramp, checked all around the fish co-op but found nothing.  The only other place I could think of looking was in town but I didn’t think she’d go over there because of her aversion to people. </p><p>Not knowing what else to do, I ran back to the villa and checked to see if she’d returned but not seen the note.  There was sign of her.  It was heading on for 2 hours now and I was beginning to get a bit antsy about where she could be.  Seeing no alternative but to head towards town, I made sure the dogs had plenty of water, put my hat and sunglasses on and closed the door.  Unsure whether to drive or run, I decided on running over because that way I didn’t have to worry about trying to find parking, and if I did happen to spot her, I could get to her more easily.   </p><p>It didn’t take long to get over the bridge and head for the foreshore which seemed the logical place to start; again with the logics, I know.  I remember her saying something about the foreshore bordering on Worimi land so headed in that direction thinking maybe she’d gone there to ‘feel’ the place as she termed it.  I spent the next hour searching but found no sign of her.  Frustrated, worried, becoming angry at how irresponsible she could be at times, I took myself back down to the foreshore and sat to catch my breath for a couple of minutes.  Unsure what to do next, I thought the best thing would be to go back to the villa and wait for her. It was coming up to the four hour mark since I’d first realised she was missing.  Six hours, I thought to myself, if there’s no sign of her after six hours, I’m involving the police.  We were meant to be checked out well before then but I’d figure it out when the time came if I had to.  I can’t see her just taking off;  we were in a good place as a couple.  We talked at length about anything and everything, she was constantly telling me how much she loved me, loved being with me and didn’t want to be away from me.  She’d settled down so much in the last six weeks, mellowed; and I’d never seen her so at peace with herself.  I just don’t know what the hell got into her to make her do this.  Unless, she didn’t do this.  What if someone...no! Not going there.  She’s fine, she’s coming back, she’s just lost track of time or just lost in general; which is a distinct possibility I suppose. </p><p>Heading back, I was crossing the bridge when I looked over towards the road that led to the villa and thought I saw her.  No point in calling out because she’d never hear me, so I broke into a fast run.  Reaching the spot I thought I’d seen her, there was nothing.  “Damn,” I swore to myself.  “I could have sworn that was her.”  Jogging the rest of the way, I was almost at the villa when I looked up and saw her sitting at the table on the water’s edge. </p><p>Running over to her, I dragged her up and held her tight, kissing the top of her head before I buried my face in her hair.  She seemed a bit surprised and put her arms around me giving me a quick squeeze. </p><p>“Where the bloody hell have you been?” I demanded pushing her away from me.  “I’ve been searching for you for hours now, how damned irresponsible of you to run off like that not leave a note, not take your phone, leaving me no way of knowing whether you’re alright or not.  For God’s sake, anything could have happened.  Get your ass back to the villa now.” </p><p>She stood looking at me slightly dumbfounded then I could see the fire ignite in her eyes. </p><p>“We are not doing this out here where the world can see,” I said grabbing her arm and turning her towards the villa.  “Get your ass back in the villa.” </p><p>Pushing my arm away, she stood their glaring at me.  “Get your damn hands off me now and who the hell do you think you are yelling at me like that?  I went for a damn walk, which, the last time I checked, isn’t again the law.  Do not start telling me what I can and can’t do.  Now, get the hell out of my way, and shut up,” she said storming past me. </p><p>“Well, what the hell do you expect when you go missing for hours and hours,” I ranted walking right behind her. </p><p>She turned so quickly that I had no hope of stopping and ran straight into her, knocking her off her feet.  Putting my hand down to help her up, she smacked it away, got up off the ground and said, “Leave me the hell alone.” And went stomping into the villa slamming the door in my face. </p><p>Sighing, I opened the door, went inside and started gathering bags and packing the car.  Moving around and packing up the bits and pieces that were left, she didn’t speak a word, almost pretending I wasn’t here.  I get that she’s pissed off but seriously, she’s like an irresponsible child sometimes. </p><p>Did I mention previously that I swear she can hear my thoughts?  Well she just did it again, throwing me a filthy look as she went to the car and threw the bag in.  Slamming the door, she came back inside, gave me another dirty look just in case I missed the previous one, took Paddy’s leash and clipped it on him then took him outside to toilet him before putting him in the car.  Taking Bobby’s leash, I clipped it on him, took him outside so he could pee, then loaded him in the crate. </p><p>Watching her try to get Paddy in the back of the car, I was about to ask if she needed help when she bent down and lifted him onto to the tailgate so he could walk into the crate, I should add that he’s not a small dog, she was proper pissed off clearly.  Good thing we’ve got a big car or we’d never fit everything in. </p><p>Securing Paddy’s cage, she turned and walked back inside leaving me with the dogs.  “Maybe you guys should move over and let me in,” I told them.  “It would appear I’m in the doghouse.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>23.4 SORRY</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I said when I went back inside.  “I shouldn’t have done that but you had me worried.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you shouldn’t have done that.  I’m allowed to go for a walk.  It drives me nuts when you treat me like a child.  I thought we’d moved past all that.  Clearly, I was wrong. I'm not a child, I’m a grown woman and I’m more than capable of looking after myself.  And why the hell are we packing up so early?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not early,” I replied.  “And I know you’re not a child.  We have moved past it but it was rather irresponsible of you to be gone for so long and not let me know where the hell you were.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean gone for so long?  I wasn’t gone that long, and so much for your New Year’s resolution of not being so damned over protective,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You were gone for over 4 hours,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?  </span>
  <span>No</span>
  <span> I wasn’t,” she said.  “I couldn’t have been.  I went down to the beach to watch the sunrise then walked for a little while down to the rocks on the point.  I climbed over a few of them then </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> there’s a little cave like thing underneath that you can access when the tide is out, so I climbed down to check it out.  There were some really cool shells in there, so I sorted through and gathered some of them, then climbed back up and walked back up the beach for a while.  I thought I saw something in the water so I sat and watched, but didn’t see it again.  When I looked down at the sand, I found all these tiny little shells so I started picking some of them out.  I figured I’d been gone long enough for you to be up and started heading back so we could have a coffee together.  I thought I’d take a quick look at the river before I came inside and that was when you found me and started yelling.  So, you must be mistaken about time.  There’s no way it took me that long to just do that...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Picking her phone up and tapping the screen, I turned it </span>
  <span>towards</span>
  <span> her so she could see the time.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” was all she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Oh,” I replied.   “I checked by the river, I checked on the beach, I tried to call but you left your phone here.  I ran up to the sensory garden, checked the boat ramp and co-op, went to town and looked around then headed back.  I had no idea where you were or if you were ok, and no way of getting in contact with you. At first, I wasn’t worried but as time went by and there was no trace of you, I started to get really worried. Did you not notice that the sun was getting higher in the sky?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no.  I wasn’t really paying attention to the sun. I’m sorry you were worried, but it still doesn’t give you the right to yell at me the way you did or to treat me like a child.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have been worried if you’d taken your phone or left a message.  Anything could have happened to you, an accident – scoff if you want but you could have been kidnapped.  How hard it is it to let me know what you’re doing?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“First of all; I hadn’t intended being long.  Didn’t in fact, </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> I'd been gone that long; if I’d known I was going to be that long, I would have let you know where I was. Secondly; as I keep telling you, I’m not a bloody child.  I am more than capable of looking after myself and don’t you think you’re over reacting a bit?  Kidnapped?  Seriously?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Calming my voice down, I stroked her arm and said, “No, I really don’t. You never know.  What if it had been me who went for a walk and didn’t let you know where I was?  What would have happened then?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, for starters, I wouldn’t have panicked.  Yes, I’d probably have been annoyed that you hadn’t let me know where you were going but I would have figured you’d be back when you were ready and I sure as hell wouldn’t have yelled at you the </span>
  <span>minute</span>
  <span> I laid eyes on you.  I would have given you time to explain yourself then decided whether to get pissed off or not.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Old habits die hard, what can I say?  I’m so used to looking after...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No. That’s crap,” she interrupted.  “I’ve managed to look after myself perfectly fine when you’ve been away – sometimes for months on end.  Why is it that when you get home, I suddenly seem to fall into the role of damsel in distress?  Actually, I feel like I get pushed into that role,” she said, then her tone softened as she went on.   “I admit I’ve had some issues in the past, made some poor choices, but they’re my choices to make, my mistakes to fix, my life to live.  I love that you want to protect me from everything even though it pisses me off, because I know it’s done with the best of intentions and with all the love in the world but, you can’t keep doing it.  You can’t fix everything; you can’t protect me from everything.  How am I supposed to grow when I have you trying to fix every mistake?  I’ve told you before, you’re my husband, not my father. I’m sorry I worried you.  I’m sorry I didn’t leave a note or take my phone, in hindsight I can see why you were worried, but please, just back off a bit.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We have.  We seem to have it at least once a month when you’re home.  Things get better for a while, you give me space, I do one thing that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> deem ‘irresponsible,’ and</span>
  <em>
    <span> I </span>
  </em>
  <span>pay for it for weeks on end until I lose my cool again and then you back off.  It’s a vicious circle and I need it to stop.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was right.  She coped perfectly when I wasn’t at home.  Yes, I have someone watch her but that’s for protection, not to stop her making mistakes.  I don’t know why I do it, well I do but I think that’s only part of the reason. Guess I’ll be making an appointment to see my psychologist early in the week.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make an appointment to see my psychologist, find out what’s going on.  Why I keep doing it.  I’m sorry I’ve ruined the trip.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” she asked.  “You’re going there?  Don’t even.  I refuse to be guilted into saying that what you did is ok.  It’s not.  As I said, I messed up by not letting you know where I was, I’m sorry.  But you are not going to guilt me into saying everything is ok. You know damn well you didn’t ruin the trip so don’t even go there.  You’re beginning to piss me off all over again.  Now, I believe it’s time we were out of here.  The dogs have been in the car a while already and I just want to go home.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t trust myself to say anything else that wouldn’t piss her off more, so just nodded and said nothing.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Driving up to the little office, I left her in the car with the dogs while I checked out.  Back in the car, we were both quiet while I navigated my way through town, then once we hit the highway, she put the music on and the previous tension was forgotten.  By the time we got home, a couple of hours later, we were both laughing about me throwing her in the ocean and river and her getting her revenge pulling me into the river.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We did a quick stop at the local supermarket where she ran in for basics as well as a barbecue chicken and some salad for dinner as neither of us wanted to worry about cooking, and didn’t want anything heavy. For once I managed to get her to go and do it while I stayed with the dogs.  I think she just wanted to get home and knew if it was her in there it would be an in and out trip. She sent a text message from inside asking if we needed dog food but I knew we had plenty so sent a text back saying we’d bought extra before we went away and there was still a full bag.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once home, we got the boys out and took them in, laughing as they raced around the house then bounced on the spot waiting for the doggy door to be unlocked.  Once they’d let themselves out, we went back out to the car and started unpacking; the canvases the first thing that came in. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think just lean them up against the piano until we figure out exactly where you want to hang them,” she said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It took us about 20 minutes to unload everything and collapse the dog crates, which I took straight outside to the shed where we stored them.  While I did that, she put coffee on and then we unpacked all the bags.  We worked out a long time ago that, no matter how tired we were after whatever trip we’d been on, it was better to spend the time unpacking right away and get things put away, than to have to wake up and face it the next day.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later we were sitting enjoying a coffee, laughing at Paddy and Bobby pulling all their toys out of the basket, having a quick chew then getting another one before swapping.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys better pick up all your toys when you’re done,” she told them with a chuckle.  “I’m done putting things away for now.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we eat first or do you want to have a shower and try to get the worst of the sand out?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was actually thinking we could eat early then have a shower, then I’ll comb your hair while we watch tv.  Does that suit you?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good to me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>With both of us in the kitchen, it didn’t take long to pull the chicken apart and throw a salad together.  I plated it up and got us a beer each while she went to feed the dogs.  By the time she got back, I’d put the plates and beers on the table and was just getting cutlery.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go first in the shower?” I asked as we were eating.  “Your hair is probably going to be quicker because you managed to get quite a bit of the sand out yesterday.  I couldn’t move in that shower stall well enough to do anything.  I actually feel quite dirty,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you feel that dirty, you can go first.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Or you could come in with me and help me get the sand out,” I suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I could, I guess,” she said.  “Do you intend behaving yourself though?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely not,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chapter 12 'I've Missed This' available in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind immediately follows on from this chapter.  18+ only, sexual scene, adult themes, language</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. 24.1 Relaxing Night In, 24.2 Still Not Ready, 24.3 Here We Go Again,</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>24.1 RELAXING NIGHT IN</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Having finished dinner, stacked the dishwasher and wiped the table and benches down, we headed for the shower. He helped me wash my hair then I helped him wash his, which took quite a bit longer than mine as he had half the beach attached to his scalp, or so it seemed.  I managed to get the worst of it out with a comb and conditioner, telling him I’d comb it through again while we watched tv. </p><p>I dried myself off then wrapped my hair in a towel, headed for the bedroom, and for the last time applied the grey goop; I was a little late in doing it but better late than never.  </p><p>“I can smell that from in here,” he said.  “Thank God it’s the last time we have to smell it.” </p><p>“It seems to have worked so I don’t care how bad it smells, I’d use it again in a heartbeat.” </p><p>“I suppose the smell is a small price to pay considering you’ve been running on it and you could barely walk on it when you first did it.” </p><p>I took the comb and headed for the living room leaving him to dry off before he joined me.  Turning the tv on, I channel flicked trying to find something interesting to watch but, as usual, nothing appealed to me and I threw the remote on the couch so that he could find something to watch.  No matter how hard I tried, I could never find anything interesting, Tom would come along, flick for the briefest moment and find something worth watching. </p><p>I took my hair out of the towel, and went to pull the comb through it when he said, “I’ll comb it for you.” </p><p>“It’s ok, I can do it then I’ll do yours.  You find something for us to watch,” I said with a smile as I looked up at him and saw his head wrapped in a towel to stop his hair dripping everywhere.   </p><p>“But I want to comb it,” he said to me.  “Just give me a minute to find something worth watching, then I’ll do it.” </p><p>Grabbing the remote, he went into Netflix and within a minute turned and said, “This looks good.  I’ve heard really good things about it.  Do you want to give it a go?” he asked. </p><p>Glancing up at the screen, I shrugged, “Sure.  You know what I’m like, two minutes in I’m either hooked or bored.” </p><p>He pushed play and as the opening started I realised I’d heard about this show. </p><p>“Isn’t this the chess one?” I asked.  “Gambit’s Queen or something like that?” </p><p>“The Queens Gambit, and yes, it is,” he replied. </p><p>“I’ve heard really good things about it,” I told him as he indicated that I should sit on the floor in front of him.   </p><p>Running his fingers through my hair, my body tingled at his touch and he chuckled when he saw the goosebumps, “Still got it,” he said. </p><p>“Don’t flatter yourself, it happens when the hairdresser touches my hair too,” I laughed. </p><p>“Kill joy,” he said as he took the comb and started combing the knots out.   It only took a couple of minutes for him to comb it through but then he decided he was going to try and braid it.   </p><p>“I don’t feel like I’ve got enough fingers,” he said.  “I can’t seem to manage holding the bits I need to hold, crossing it over then picking up the new bits.” </p><p>“You can practice another time.  Let me get yours done.  It’ll probably take a little while because I want to try and get the last of the sand out.” </p><p>Swapping places, he sat on the floor with me on the couch behind him.  Because we’d used conditioner, the knots were fairly easy to get out and it was just a matter of trying to get the remaining bits of sand out, but because he’s such a princess when it comes to his hair and scalp, I had to be gentle running the comb over his scalp or he’d be whining like a two-year-old who’s just been told it’s bed time. </p><p>As I was combing his hair, I started watching the tv and it wasn’t long before both of us were totally engrossed in the show.  I’d got as much of the sand out of his hair as I possibly could, then fluffed the curls to shake the sand loose, combed it through one last time just to make sure I hadn’t tangled it too badly then put the comb down.  </p><p>“There you go,” I said to him.  “Done.” </p><p>“Thank you,” he said.  “Now scooch over, my bum’s gone numb from sitting on the floor.” </p><p>We watched another episode of the show, me leaning up against him, head resting on his chest, legs thrown over his, then he paused it.  “Do you want to watch more? Do you want to go to bed? Chat? What would you like to do?” </p><p>“I’m happy to watch another episode if you want to.  We don’t have to be up early so I don’t mind.” </p><p>“Speaking of not being up early, what did you want to do tomorrow? Our last day off unless I can convince you to leave it up to Savannah to take care of it all?” </p><p>“I really need to go and make sure everything’s fine and we need to work out our hours and days.  We’ll have plenty of time together.” </p><p>“I thought I might go to the hardware store and get the hangers so I can put the canvases up and then I thought maybe we could go to the pub for lunch.” </p><p>“Sounds good.  I thought I might attempt painting too now that I’m back home and I have all my stuff.  I think I’ve got some small canvases; I might need to find a couple of decent dotting sticks and I’ll need to check my paints, but I can do that then hitch a ride with you when you go to the hardware.   I know I’ve got stacks of spray cans but I don’t know what I've got in the way of acrylics other than what I bought the other day.  I might need to get a palette too, oh and some mixing sticks.  I wonder where the small easel is, I think I put it in the shed...” </p><p>“And there goes my wife,” Tom snickered.  “Abandoning me, tossing me aside like a piece of garbage, casting me out into the cruel world to fend for myself while she’s off involving herself in art work that I’m absolutely useless at...:” </p><p>“...I’ll have to have a look, and do you want to calm down on the histrionics there.  I’ll still be here and I’d be more than happy for you to come join me and chat to me while I paint.” </p><p>“Let me get the stuff I need to hang the canvases, then if there’s time before lunch, I'll come sit with you for a while and keep you company while you paint.” </p><p>“I’d actually really like that.” </p><p>“Me too.  I just want to spend time with you before life gets in the way of us again.” </p><p>“It’s only going to get in the way if we let it.  I’ve really enjoyed spending this last couple of weeks with you.  I don’t want it to end any more than you do, but I’ve got a job to do and I need to do it.  And I’ve been thinking about your over reaction to me going for a walk too, and I think I know why it happened.” </p><p>“It wasn’t an overreaction, and you mean aside from the fact that you were missing for four hours?  But I’m curious; why do you think I worried the way I did.” </p><p>“It was an overreaction and I think it’s got to do with something you said a few months ago.” </p><p>“It wasn’t, and what did I say?” </p><p>Realising this was going to keep going on and on, I chose to ignore the last ‘it wasn’t’ because we all know it was and I just can’t deal with it at the moment. </p><p>“You said something about being over protective because it made you feel needed and you were worried that, as I became stronger, I wouldn’t need you.” </p><p> “I remember saying that, and it’s something I’ve always feared, but you know that,” he said. </p><p>“And you know that your fears are baseless.” </p><p>“Well, not really.  I know you love me; I know you want me, but you don’t really need me.” </p><p>“But I do.  Not, maybe in the way that I can’t survive without you, the same as you don’t need me either.  But I need you to be whole, to be complete.  Please don’t ever doubt your place in my life.  Another thing; I understand your fear about the kidnapping thing.  It didn’t occur to me that anything like that could happen but, I suppose that’s rather naïve of me considering your celebrity status.” </p><p>“Darling, I know you keep saying you’re a ‘nobody’, and you know I detest you saying that, but you’re actually not a ‘nobody.’  You have a certain celebrity status yourself.” </p><p>“What? No!  How?” I asked. </p><p>“God, I hate saying this,” he replied.  “Because of me.  You’re married to a person who’s in the public eye, you associate with people who are in the public eye which means you yourself, are in the public eye.” </p><p>“Cut the crap,” I told him.  “I married a celebrity and hang out with celebrities therefore people know who I am, is what you’re saying.  Yes?” </p><p>“Well, in effect, yes.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.” </p><p>“You truly despise that ‘celebrity’ tag, don’t you?” </p><p>“Because I’m an actor, not a celebrity.  The celebrity is just a byproduct of it.  You know I use it for certain platforms, charities and the like, but you also know I’m just your normal average down to earth guy. Unfortunately, not everyone sees things like that and, as you know, some people become obsessive and will do anything to get to me, and that’s where you could be put at risk.  So, while you think I over reacted, to me it’s a very real fear.” </p><p>“I’m really sorry I scared you like that and I promise I’ll try not to do it again,” I said.  </p><p>“I couldn’t handle anything happening to you because of some deranged person thinking you were impeding their chance of being with me or thinking they could put a monetary value on you,” he whispered against my temple as he kissed me. </p><p>“Maybe I should start self-defense training,” I said, thinking aloud. </p><p>“See how you go with the surgeon first,” Tom suggested.  </p><p>“Hmm, maybe.” </p><p>“And you wonder why I get over protective,” he said.   “You’re already a gold belt in Muay Thai in your mind, I can see the cogs turning around and around.  No, you will not take up any form of self-defense until such time as you have the ok from the doctor to participate in any sports other than work outs.  This is non-negotiable as I do not want you back in hospital having a knee replacement and back on crutches.  Do I make myself clear?” </p><p>“Crystal,” I replied.  “I wonder if Tim would be open to running classes at the gym, I could enroll there.” </p><p>Looking up at me in complete disbelief that I’d just carried on my train of thought even though he’d just said it was up to the surgeon, I couldn’t help but laugh as he was about to lose his cool. </p><p>“I’m only joking,” I said.  “I’ll wait. Probably” </p><p>“No probably about it.  I think I’m done for the night, let’s get to bed.  It’s been a hell of a day.” </p><p>Walking away from him, I muttered under my breath, “I’ll do what I want.”  I didn’t realise he was quite that close behind me until I felt his hand  grab my neck as I was propelled forward. </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 13 A Visit To The Dark Side available in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase immediately follows on from this chapter.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>24.2 STILL NOT READY</strong>
</p><p>Can we rewind the last two weeks and start over?  I’m not ready for this to be done.  I want to stay wrapped up in my little bubble.  I don’t want the real world to encroach.  Maybe I could sell the shop, Tom could retire and we could just do what we want when we want.  I know, I know, we’d both be bored out of our minds within a month. In all honesty though, I would have loved another week to just hang around here and enjoy some time at home.  The holiday has been absolutely wonderful and we had a great time but I feel like we should have come home earlier and spent some time here.  </p><p>“What’s got your mind ticking over at this hour of the morning my love?” he asked. </p><p>Throwing back the covers, I sat up and said, “Nothing really.” </p><p>“Hey,” he said, rolling towards me, looking at my neck. “Are we ok?” </p><p>“Of course we’re ok you goofball.  I told you, I understand why you did what you did.  Don’t sweat it.  I need to pee or I’d stay there and snuggle with you. </p><p>“You know darling,” he said, raising his voice so I could hear him while I was in the bathroom, “I had a fantastic time on holidays, thoroughly enjoyed it, but I'm beginning to wish we’d had more time at home.  Like a week-long staycation.” </p><p>Flushing the toilet, I washed my hands then looked in the mirror.  He was right, my neck was a mess.  ‘Going to be hard hiding that lot in this weather’ I thought to myself.  It’s too hot for a scarf and I can only do so much with the make-up  I have here.  Leaving the bathroom, I crossed the floor and jumped up onto our bed and had a bit of a laugh saying, “I was laying there thinking about having time at home.  I loved everything about our holiday except the length.  I really would have loved a week here.  Well, truth be told I was thinking I should sell the shop, you should retire and we could do what we want, but we both know we’d die of boredom within a month.” </p><p>“Can’t imagine you selling the shop with all the effort that went into getting it just right,” he said.  “But I do like the idea of a week here with you.  Are you sure you won’t consider leaving it to Savannah to run just for the week?” </p><p> Seriously tempting.  I know that this time of year is usually very slow for trade, it will be for another couple of weeks.  From what Savannah has told me, it’ll be the end of January before it really picks up again as school doesn’t go back until then, and women don’t tend to want to do lingerie shopping with a bunch of children.  Understandable really.  Should I take the time off?  I could go in tomorrow, sort out hours with Savannah, she could let Maggie know and then...oh damn!  I’ve just remembered.  There’s no point in me sorting hours out for myself.  I’m only here for another month or so then we’re heading overseas.  Damn. </p><p>Tom was laying, watching my face and said, “I know that look.  What’s wrong?” </p><p>“I’ve just realised that there’s no point in me giving myself hours or anything at the shop.  I’m no sooner going to get settled and I’m going to have to hand it all over anyway.  I’m not sure how I feel about handing it all over now that I’ve got it.  I know Savannah is more than capable, but it’s my baby.” </p><p>“I’m lost,” he said. </p><p>“We’re heading to the UK in another month.  No point in me settling in just to have to change it all.  I do need to go in and sort everything out with Savannah.  How long do you think we’ll be away for?” </p><p>“I honestly don’t know.  Things seem to be up in the air a bit at the moment, so it’s hard to say.  Which reminds me, I must check my email.  I haven’t done it for a couple of days.  I was going to check yesterday but when you did your little disappearing act, I totally forgot.” </p><p>Rolling my eyes, I looked up at him, “How long am I going to have to put up with that for?” </p><p>“With what?” he asked. </p><p>“The reference to my ‘little disappearing act’ as you call it. I call it a walk, but whatever.  We need to get the dogs organised and get their rabies shots done. We’re going to be really pushing it timewise if we don’t get to it and if we’re going for any length of time, I’m taking them with me.  If it’s only a month they can go to Natalie.” </p><p>“I’ll get onto it this week.  I might get up love, go get a coffee, check my email and get to the hardware store early so we can spend the day together.  Still want to go to the pub for lunch?” </p><p>“Yes, definitely.  Hopefully we’ll catch up with a few of the boys.  Haven’t seen them for quite a while.  I hope they all had a good Christmas and New Year.” </p><p>While Tom used the bathroom, I went out and made coffee, fed the dogs and put some music on. It was so good being home.  Sleeping in my own bed was bliss.  Just being able to come into the kitchen make coffee, do what I wanted to do and not have to worry about considering others was really nice.  That sounds so selfish doesn’t it? </p><p>Tom came out and reached above me to get the cups, then bent down and kissed the side of my neck. </p><p>“Mmm, it’s nice being back home isn’t it?” </p><p>“I swear you’re reading my thoughts,” I said to him.  “I was just thinking the same thing.  It’s nice to be back home, being able to do what I want, put the music on, not worry about getting in someone’s way.  Don’t get me wrong, I truly appreciate the fact that Chris and Elsa opened their home to us, but it’s just nice to be back home, alone.” </p><p>“Here you go,” he said, handing me a coffee.  “Do you mind if I check my email? I can wait if you’d rather we have coffee first.” </p><p>“I can always come with you.  I should probably check my own.  I haven’t opened anything for nearly a week, I’ve probably got a full inbox.” </p><p>Together we went to the office, both of us turning on our laptops and checking emails.  I had a few catalogues to look through and there was one from Savannah, which I opened.  It was just her thanking us for arranging everything for them and saying they’d had such a great time and could I PLEASE tell her how much she owed me.  She was also wondering if I had a date in mind for them to move into the house as they needed to give notice on their place and arrange a truck.  She also said she wanted to have a chat to me about rent and occupancy.  I had the invoices for everything stashed away in a file and went to get them, so I could figure out how much she owed.  I had to send a quick text to Elsa to find out how much things were on her end and I got a rather amusing response.  The text she sent back was a meme of Chris flipping the bird.  I sent a text back telling her Savannah was giving me a hard time and whilst I thought her husband was funny, Savannah, when she got in a mood, was not; so could she please tell me how much was owed. </p><p>I heard Tom muttering to himself while I waited for Elsa’s reply, which came quickly with a copy of the receipt from the florist.  Sending another text, that said, “She’s not going to believe us but it doesn’t matter, we should seriously consider this as a business.”  The response made me laugh, “Your husband said no.”  Laughing I sent one back, “And since when did that stop me doing anything.”   </p><p>“Oh, bloody hell,” I heard from behind me.  </p><p>“Something wrong?” I asked. </p><p>“Well, depends on your viewpoint I suppose but no, no I don’t think so.  Very right actually.” </p><p>“Ok, spill the beans,” I said. </p><p>“Well, you might want to take a look at this,” he said. </p><p>Reading over his shoulder, I skimmed then went back and started again. </p><p>“Looks like you’re going to be a busy boy for the next year and a bit, and I get my play toy back.” </p><p>“It’s not official just yet.” </p><p>“It might as well be.  You always knew they were going to do it anyway.” </p><p>“The option was always there for it.  They wanted to wait and gauge the reception for the trailer for this series before anything was decided for certain.” </p><p>“I’m assuming it’s been received well?” I wouldn’t have a clue; I tend to live in a bubble and try to avoid most social media platforms.  Not easy reading all the stuff other people want to do with my husband so it’s easier to just not go there.  I’ll use Facebook to keep in touch with family, but I can pick and choose my content.  Tom tends to stay away from it altogether these days too. He can’t stand the fakeness of it all - nice to your face, stab you in the back.  </p><p>I sent an email back to Savannah with the total of what was owed.  I knew she was going to question how much it was but I had receipts to back it all up.  Their dresses were super cheap because I bought them from a boho store, they weren’t wedding dresses so didn’t come with a ‘wedding dress’ price tag.  The rings weren’t expensive as they only wanted plain bands.  Head pieces; again, next to nothing as they were made of recycled materials.  Malcolm didn’t charge them.  Elsa paid for the reception because, as she said, the girls didn’t invite the Hemsworth family, they just happened to be there.  The only other thing to pay for from Elsa’s end was the cake and flowers.   </p><p>“I really think Elsa and I could make a go of this quickie wedding thing,” I said, apparently somewhat randomly according to Tom. </p><p>“Well, that was rather random,” he said, turning to me.  </p><p>“To you maybe, but I’ve been texting Elsa about it and emailing Savannah so it’s not random to me.” </p><p>“I do sometimes allow myself to forget that you have no filter 90% of the time,” he said. </p><p>“And you love me for it,” I told him. </p><p>“Most of the time I do,” he laughed in answer.   </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>24.3 HERE WE GO AGAIN</strong>
</p><p>“What are you going to do about work?” I asked her. </p><p>“I really don’t know.  I think the best thing would be to go in tomorrow and have a chat with Savannah.  She’s so super organised that she’ll have remembered we’re going and has probably already got rosters worked out.” </p><p>“Does this mean you’ll consider spending the next week here with me?”  </p><p>“At least some of it,” she answered.  “But I really do want to check in and make sure Savannah has remembered and work out all the minor details.  If I do take the rest of the week off to be with you, you have to let me be there the week after though because I need to hand everything over to Savannah, finances, banking, wages.  Are you sure you can’t go without me?” she asked.  “There’s just so much to consider, that I hadn’t considered.” </p><p>Here we go.  I expect it every single time.  There’s always a reason she shouldn’t have to come, but it’s even worse this time.  I thought the shop would make it easier for her because she doesn’t have to see a boss about taking time off – she is the boss.  Unfortunately for me, she’s very attached to her ‘baby’ as she calls it, and will use every excuse under the sun to try to worm her way out of going.  It’s quite ridiculous really because she always has a great time when we go.  Admittedly she doesn’t do so good on the plane but once we land and she gets over the jetlag, she’s fine. </p><p>“Mum will be disappointed if you don’t come, and really, if you’re not going to make the effort to go and visit her, you’d hardly be in a position to give her a hard time about going home the next time she comes to visit.  Besides, you always enjoy yourself but if you really don’t want to come, that’s fine, you can stay here; I’m not going to force you to come.” </p><p>“I told you I’d come.  I’m not going back on my word but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to handle it for.  If you need to be there for six months, I’m not going to be able to do it.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“Are you going to be pissed off if I choose to come home early?” she asked. </p><p>“Can we not worry about it for now?  Let’s cross those bridges when we come to them ok?  I know it’s hard for you love, but you need to step outside your comfort zone occasionally.  Aren’t you the one that’s always telling me you need to grow?  Well, look at this as a growth experience.  And you know Mum will love having you there.” </p><p>“I know, it’s just that bloody plane trip that gets to me.  It’s so damn long.” </p><p>“Like I said, let’s worry about it later.  Did you want to come to the hardware store with me? You said something about getting some paints, can you get what you want there?” </p><p>“I’ll come with you but I’m not sure I’ll be able to get what I need.  I might need to wait until tomorrow and go by the art supply place.  Do I have time to run out and check what I’ve got or did you want to get going?” she asked. </p><p>“You’ve got time.  There’s nothing pressing darling, we don’t have to go anywhere or do anything if you don’t want to. I just thought I’d like to get those canvases hung and you said you wanted to do some painting.” </p><p>“I do. I’m just thinking of all the things I really wanted to do that I’m not going to get the chance to do.  I know I’m being a selfish brat my love, and I do apologise.  I know how much you miss your home and how wonderful you are to not object to us living here.  I just really wanted to learn more about my culture, ancestors and I’m worried I won’t get the chance with being away.  I know I’m being silly and, as I said, it’s selfish but I can’t help how I feel.” </p><p>“You can paint to your heart’s content while we’re away.  God know’s there’s enough rooms in my house to turn one of them into something of a studio for you.  Is there a way you can get in contact with the local Elders here and see if there’s any readings, websites, books and the like that you can read and study while you’re away?  Have you thought about doing a course on Indigenous studies?” I asked her. </p><p>“I hadn’t actually.  You wouldn’t mind turning a room into a studio for me?” </p><p>“Of course I don’t mind.  It’s your home too you silly woman.  I’m sure you could even find room at Mum’s to paint if you wanted to.  I don’t mind if we spend time at her place.  We don’t have to stay in London the whole time.  Anyway, go check your paints.” </p><p>She wandered off to check her paints while I took coffee cups out to the kitchen and rinsed them, mentally working out which room would be best for her to turn into a girl cave so she could do what she wanted to do.  I know there’ll be at least another dozen reasons as to why she should stay here before she finally commits to coming with me. </p><p>Before you start criticising her and calling her selfish, I will defend her to my last breath - I understand why she does it and I accept why she does it.  It’s all got to do with safety zones and trust, and stems from her past.  I know she’ll come with me, this is another of those dances we’re fairly well practiced at, but I also know she’ll last six weeks maximum before she’s on a plane, on her own if need be, and headed back home.  It’s who she is and I wouldn’t dream of trying to change that.   </p><p>“I just need to grab some shoes,” she said.  “Then we can get going.” </p><p>“Err no we can’t.” </p><p>“Oh?  I thought you were ready.  What’s up?” </p><p>“You can’t leave the house like that,” I said. </p><p>“Like what?  What’s wrong with the way I look?” she asked looking down at herself. </p><p>“Nothing wrong with the way you’re dressed, but you need to do something about your neck,” I told her, struggling to look at the mess I’d made of it. </p><p>“And what would you propose I do about it?” </p><p>“Can you cover is somehow?” </p><p>Giving me a look that basically said it was all my fault and I should deal with it, I put my head down already feeling bad enough.   She came up to me and bent down in front of me, placing her face about two inches from mine.  “Stop.  It’s ok. I think I’ve got a high neck top I can wear but we may need to stop so I can get a really good concealer to cover it up if you’re going to get all weirded out.” </p><p>“I’d rather not have that on display and have people think I'm some sort of animal.” </p><p>“I know it looks bloody awful, but damn it feels so good when you do it,” she laughed, trying to make me feel better.   </p><p>If it was just the love bites, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad, but when you can actually see bite marks, it’s a bit much.  Remembering a black top she has that has no sleeves but a high neck, I followed her to the bedroom where she was standing with just a bra and pair of knickers on.  Putting her head up and seeing me there, she tried to turn away so I couldn’t see her but it was too late.  Walking over to her, I put my arms around her and pulled her in close, kissed the top of her head and apologised. </p><p>“You didn’t exactly come out of it unscathed either,” she said, lifting my shirt and pointing to a couple of marks on my torso. </p><p>“What about that black sleeveless top you’ve got with the high neck.  The one with the zipper up the front?”   </p><p>“My workout shirt?” she said rummaging around in a drawer.  “Hang on, it’s here somewh....there, that, oh no, wrong one.  Hang on, I know the one.  This one? No, oh actually yes, it is.”  Turning around she held the shirt up, “This one?” she questioned. </p><p>“Yes,” I replied, “It sits up pretty high.  Should hide the worst of it until we can get some concealer.  Good thing mum’s not here.  She wouldn’t be too happy with me.” </p><p>She laughed when I said that, “Maybe I should call her and ask her what to cover them up with.” </p><p>“Why the hell would you do that?” I asked. </p><p>“Because she used to walk around with them when her and your father were younger.  She told me you are definitely your father’s son.” </p><p>“Oh. I didn’t kno...thanks, now I can’t unsee that.” </p><p>Laughing, she pulled the shirt over her head and adjusted the top of it so it covered most of the marks on her neck.  “I should be able to cover that little bit with a bit of foundation,” she told me.  “It won’t be perfect but it’ll do.” </p><p>Heading out, we went to the hardware store where I got brackets to hang the canvases she gave me for Christmas, she got some paints and a few other things she wanted then we stopped and she bought some concealer before heading back home. </p><p>“Do you need help to hang those?” she asked. </p><p>“I’ll probably need you to hold it for me while I measure how far down to put the brackets then I should be right to do the rest.” </p><p>“You sure you’ll be right?” she asked, smirk on her face. </p><p>“Yes, smart ass, I’ll be fine,” I laughed knowing she was referring to my somewhat checkered DIY history.  </p><p>“Well, I’ll leave you to it and head out the back to start painting.  Come talk to me when you’re finished ok?” </p><p>“I will.  This shouldn’t take long.” </p><p>20 minutes later, holes drilled, brackets attached and canvases hung, I stood back and felt quite proud of myself.  And the canvases looked really good, even if they did have my face plastered all over them.  The movie themed one we ended up hanging in the games room and the one of me through the ages was now hanging in our living room.  </p><p>Packing away the drill and sweeping up the plaster dust, I grabbed a drink and was about to head outside but stopped myself so I could listen and watch as she explained to Paddy and Bobby what she was painting.  I often think it’s not possible to love this crazy woman any more than I already do...and often find myself wrong as I fall a little more in love with her every day.   </p><p>“I wonder if they found your explanation as fascinating as I did? I laughed. </p><p>“Well, they’re attentive if nothing else,” she replied.  “What do you think?” </p><p>“I think you’re feeling and not thinking.  Solid effort.” </p><p>“Still not great, but I’m getting there,” she responded.  “I’m hungry.  Let’s go to the pub.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>24.4 PERSUASIVE TOM</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While Tom was hanging the canvases, which I hope stay on the wall and not fall down in the middle of the night, I decided to start painting.  Bobby and Paddy followed me outside and sat watching as I got paints ready then, to stop myself over thinking what I was painting, I decided to explain to them what I was painting and the process involved.  They sat there staring at me quite intently, probably not understanding a word I said, but giving me something to focus on rather than the painting.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I was almost finished when I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> that the turtle was a little crooked and had one flipper slightly smaller than the other.  Damn, must have thought about it too much rather than just let it happen.  I was telling the dogs about it when Tom came out and caught me babbling on to the boys.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finishing up, I asked what he thought.  He told me he thought it was good but, he always does thinking it makes me feel better.  To be honest, I’d rather the truth.  If it’s crap, I’d rather be told its crap, at least that would give me something to build on.  I thanked him, said I thought it was ok, then told him I was hungry and wanted to get some lunch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to clean up first or get lunch first?” he asked indicating the paints laying around.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll clean up, won’t take long.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>15 minutes later, I’d finished cleaning up, left the canvas to dry and went inside to get changed and head out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a minute,” Tom said coming up to me with the concealer we’d bought earlier this morning.  “Darling, next time I start doing this, can you please stop me?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, because you don’t do it often and when it does happen, it happens for a reason; besides which, it feels good.  You have more of a problem with it than I do.  The concealer will cover the marks and for work I can just wear a pretty scarf and no one will know.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The good thing about having a husband who has to do his own makeup for theatre is that he’s an expert at blending and covering and had the marks on my neck covered up in no time.  “Just pop a bit of foundation on and you’ll be fine,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I applied a bit of foundation then gave a light dusting of powder just to take the shine off.  “There,” I said.  “How’s that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Turning my head this way and that, he gave a nod of satisfaction and told me it was fine.  I needed to remember that brand of concealer because it was really good and covered just about everything up completely.  Might come in handy when I need to cover the dark circles under my eyes when the insomnia is really bad.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, we ready to go?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We’d eaten lunch, enjoyed a drink and Tom was on his second game of pool with Smithy when Sparky turned up.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys,” he said in a general hello as he headed for the bar.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Drink in hand, he came over and joined us, asking how Christmas and New Year had been. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Really good thanks,” Tom replied.  “We spent some time at Byron then stopped near Newcastle for a couple of days.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You were lucky to find somewhere up there at this time of year.  It’s usually booked solid,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We stayed with Elsa and Chris,” Tom told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>No,</span>
  <span> I meant you were lucky to find somewhere near Newie.  It’s usually busy at this time of year.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To be honest, it hadn’t really occurred to me that most coastal places are booked solid at this time of year.  January is school holidays and a lot of places close down for between two and four weeks over the Christmas/New Year period here, with people taking their annual leave and heading for the coast in droves.  For small seaside towns it’s the time of year that a lot of businesses make their money as they rely heavily on the tourist trade.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We were pretty lucky,” Tom said.  “I’d tried a few places but they were booked out but the one we got had just had a cancellation so we were able to have it.  The only condition was that it be a two-night booking as someone else had booked it after that.  As I was only after two nights, it worked out perfectly.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was lovely to get away, I’m just struggling with the thought of getting back to a routine and life returning to something resembling normal,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that always the way at this time of year?” Smithy asked with a chuckle.  “That </span>
  <span>two-week</span>
  <span> period where you feel like you’ve entered the twilight zone and no one really knows what day it is or what’s going on?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, I nodded, “I’m always like that at this time of year, and this year was even worse being up at The Bay because one day seriously just seemed to run into the other as we really had nowhere to be and nothing to do other than chill on the beach or at the house.  It was wonderful in that it was really relaxing, but now comes the struggle of getting my head around actually having to get up and do something.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you guys heading overseas soon?” Sparky asked.  “I seem to recall you saying something before Christmas about heading to the UK in February.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we’ll be heading over for a while.  We’re not entirely sure how long for at this point,” Tom said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I may head back earlier than Tom,” I said.  “Then, depending on how long he’s there for, I’ll stay here for a while then head back over to join him again.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I hope we get to see you again before you go,” Smithy said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, we’ll definitely be here again.  We don’t leave for about another month.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have to have a ‘</span>
  <span>sendoff</span>
  <span>’ for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of hours later we got back home, both feeling rather lazy and not inclined to do much.  Flopping down on the couch, Tom came and lay with his head on my lap, Bobby and Paddy at my feet as we discussed our plans for tomorrow.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you coming in with me or staying here?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I might come in for a while.  Say hi to Savannah and Maggie see how their breaks went.  Are you going to consider taking the rest of the week off or am I wasting my breath even bringing it up?” he questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If Savannah and Maggie are happy to do it without me then yes, you could possibly convince me to spend some more time with you.  But only this week.  Next week you need let me go back without making me feel guilty.  I really do have to talk to Savannah about things for when we’re away.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he said.  “I’ve got a couple of radio interviews coming up that I have to check the dates for.  I think one is next week, but I’m not sure about the other.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do for week?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we don’t make plans and just take it day by day?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds perfect.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do for the rest of the afternoon?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just need to check my painting is dry and bring it in then how would you feel about a game of scrabble?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like fun,” he said.  “Do you want the dictionary?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely,” I replied. “You use some weird words.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Some of your Australian words leave me scratching my head too you know?” he chuckled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what? You should be used to them by now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Most of them I know now, but the first time you put ‘chockers’ down I had no idea what it was,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Which surprised me because it’s a word I used to use quite a bit,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you became a little more refined?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  Before I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> you had trouble understanding what I was talking about,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you have to admit, some of your Aussie slang is – how do I put this,” he said, “unique.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed out loud when he said that and replied with, “And what of your rhyming slang?  I have no </span>
  <span>clue</span>
  <span> what half of that means.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You have rhyming slang here.  I’ve heard it used at the pub,” he replied with a snort.  “That’s not uniquely British my love, you guys have your own version of it here.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I can understand ours,” I told him.  “I struggle with some of the accents alone when we go to England, then with the rhyming slang I feel totally lost.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He found this quite funny apparently and told me that some of the Australian accents are a little hard to understand for our overseas visitors.  I have no idea why, I find it quite easy to understand Aussies, no matter where they’re from.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, regardless; we have the dictionary to save arguments.  And no sex words.  Last time we allowed that we didn’t actually get a lot of proper playing done,” I told him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a spoilsport,” he laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’d just rather not watch you see how many different names you can come up with for va...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, you made point.  No sex words,” he said.  “Go check your painting and I’ll go find the game.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We’d just got the board set up; the tiles turned face down when the intercom buzzed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at each other he said, “Are you expecting anyone?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking my </span>
  <span>head,</span>
  <span> I replied, “No.  Are you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I wouldn’t have asked you if you were expecting anyone if I </span>
  <span>was,</span>
  <span> now would I?” he said with a grin.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I suppose not,” I replied as it buzzed again.  “Are you going to see who it is?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I should,” he said, walking over to the box on the wall.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I turned my attention back to the table and heard him talk to the box, then my hand froze midair as I heard the voice.  Oh no, no, no, no, no.  Good God no, not today. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He returned with a grimace on his face as the door opened.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We were passing by and thought we’d call in and see you.  We’ve been at your sister's place.  Did you know that bugger of a son of hers has been speeding and putting photos up the internet thing?  Frightened her half to death.  Anyway, you putting coffee on? I’m parched.  Your sister makes terrible coffee...:</span>
  
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  <span>“Look darling,” Tom said to me, “Your parents are here for a visit.  Isn’t that...wonderful.”</span>
  
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  <span>Packing the scrabble game away, because we obviously weren’t going to get to play,  I looked up, “Hi mum, dad.  What a...surprise.”</span>
  
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. 25.1 Time For Straight Talking, 25.2 Don't Let It Get To You, 25.3 Extending The Break, 25.4 All About Being Fair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>25.1 TIME FOR STRAIGHT TALKING</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“How was your Christmas?” Mum asked. </p><p>“It was really lovel...” </p><p>“We had good time but we were really glad to get home.  Did I tell you that your nephew has been speeding?  Natalie’s furious with him.  Threatened to take his car away.” </p><p>“You did mention it yes.  So, what are you doing here?” I asked. </p><p>“Oh, we’re just on our way home.  We came down to do some shopping for things we can’t get up home.  You know they’re still talking of your wedding?  Which reminds me, when are you coming up to visit?  You did say you’d come up and you haven’t been.” </p><p>“We’ll be up sometime in the next few weeks because we’re...” </p><p>“You’ll have to let me know for sure.  We’re going away in just over a month.  We’re doing that fly about holiday.  You fly from one place to the other and spend a few days at each place.  We’re really looking forward to it.” </p><p>“That’s nice, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.  We’re going...” </p><p>“Barry’s not too sure about the little...”  </p><p>I left her to ramble on about Dad not being so sure about the little planes and looked at Tom helplessly as she prattled on and on.  I could see Tom’s face and knew that he was beginning to get a bit annoyed that she wouldn’t let me finish a sentence.  I gave a quick smile and shook my head indicating he should just let her ramble on. </p><p>“...get to the places that we want to go,” she said, finally drawing a breath. </p><p>“How long will you be gone for?” I asked. </p><p>“I think it’s about three weeks all up,” she replied. </p><p>“Sounds like fun.  Tom and I will be...” </p><p>“Natalie’s going....” </p><p>“Yvonne, your daughter has been trying to tell you something for the last five minutes.  How about you shut up and listen to her for once?” Tom said shocking the hell out of both mum and me. </p><p>“Oh. Um, oh,” Mum stuttered.  “What did you want to tell me?”  </p><p>“Tom and I are going to the UK for a while.  I’m not exactly sure how long we’ll be gone but it’ll probably be around 6 weeks at least.  I may head back before him.” </p><p>“Why would you want to go there?” she questioned. </p><p>“Gee I don’t know mum.  Maybe it’s because it’s where Tom’s from. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but if you listen to him, you’d be able to tell he’s not from around here, his accent is a dead giveaway but you don’t usually let anyone else get a word in so you probably haven’t noticed.  And we’re going so that he can see his family and friends, and reacquaint himself with his home.” </p><p>Dad sat with his head down but I could see the smirk on his face as mum got put in her place.  I usually put up with it but not anymore.  I’m done with being anyone’s door mat.  I said a while back that I wasn’t taking crap from anyone anymore, and I meant it. </p><p>“And while we’re at it, I want you to know that I’m acknowledging my Indigenous heritage also.  I’m done with hiding things away simply to keep everyone happy.  And if you want to keep visiting me then you can start to take an interest in what I do, what Tom does, what we do together.  No more talking over the top of me, ignoring anything we do and talking about the rest of the family.  I matter too.  Do you know you’ve never even asked me about my shop?” </p><p>She sat there like a fish out of water for a little while, mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out then she absolutely stunned me when she looked from me to Tom then back again and said, “What shop?” </p><p>I looked at Tom in disbelief then to mum and said, “The shop I rang to tell you about but you were too interested in your bloody back room to give a damn about.  The shop I tried to tell you about but all you did was talk about my ‘poor sister’.  The shop Tom and I have been running for the last 4 months.  Just for the record, it’s called Marvelously Mischievous and it’s a lingerie store and maybe if you listened once in a while instead of having everything about you, you’d have known that.  Seriously, if you can’t acknowledge that you have two daughters and actually take an interest in what I do, then just don’t visit.  I’ve got quite used to not having you around for support.  I see more of, and talk more to Tom’s mum than I do you, and she lives in England.” </p><p>With that mum stood up, looked at dad, pointed to the door and left without even bothering to say goodbye.  Once the door was shut, Tom looked at me and said, “That went well,” and I burst into tears. </p><p>“Oh love, come on,” he said gathering me up in his arms.  “I’m sorry it ended like that.  She never has been very good at hearing her faults though, you know that.” </p><p>“I know.  I probably shouldn’t have gone quite as far as I did then, but I just can’t do it anymore.  I matter!  I should count for something.  You’d think she’d be happy for me that I have you and I’m happy, but it never seems to matter what I do it’s never good enough.  I’m not upset about her to be honest, but I really thought dad might have said something in my defense.  That hurt.” </p><p>“I really thought after the way she was with you at our wedding that things might change.  She does care about you darling, it showed that day. She just has a very odd way of showing it.” </p><p>“Don’t defend her,” I said.  “She’s a grown woman and she needs to realise that she’s done this to me my whole life.  What parent in their right mind doesn’t checkup to find out where there fifte...” </p><p>“Do you really want to voice the rest of that out loud?  Don’t put it out there if you don’t really mean it.  You know damn well that you cut yourself off from them.  I’m not defending her, she’s in the wrong the way she treats you, but you were the one that cut them off, not the other way around.  I’m sorry love, I know that’s not what you want to hear right now but I’m not going to let you start running loose at the mouth with half-truths and things I know you’ll regret.” </p><p>“Anyone ever tell you that you’re no fun when you’re logical?” I asked. </p><p>“You my darling.  All the time,” </p><p>“Fine,” I responded.  “Just so long as you know.” </p><p>“Well, now that our unexpected visitors have gone, do you want to get the scrabble board out?” </p><p>“Only if you want to see how many new expletives I can come up with.” </p><p>“We might give that a miss then.  What would you like to do?” </p><p>“I think I need to go paint,” I replied.  “I don’t think I’ll be long.  I just have this overwhelming need to get paint on canvas.  It’ll probably end up in the bin but I don’t care.” </p><p>… </p><p>Half an hour later, spray cans everywhere, I had most of my emotions in check again and felt more in control.  My ever loving, super supportive rock sat nearby pretending to have his head buried in a book but taking furtive glances at me every minute or so to make sure I was ok.  Have I mentioned how much I love, admire and respect this man?  I’m so damn lucky to have him. </p><p>“You can concentrate on your book.  I’m fine,” I told him. </p><p>“I know,” he said.  “But the facial expressions are awesome.  If you could just harness a little bit of what you feel and control it a little more, you would have made an amazing actress.” </p><p>“Ha!  I’d tell everyone to fu...” </p><p>“Yes, I know, that’s why I said <em> if  </em>you could control it a little more,” he laughed.  “You got that out of your system now?” </p><p>“Yeah, feeling a bit calmer now,” I answered. </p><p>“That’s rather um...”he trailed off trying to find the right words. </p><p>“Rather what?” I prompted, eyebrow raised, slight edge to my voice. </p><p>“I’m trying to find the word.  Chaotic maybe?” he said.  “Not your best work.”  </p><p>Standing back and looking at the canvas I realised that it was chaotic but I rather liked it.  Looking at Tom’s face, I could tell he didn’t so I picked it up, carried around the side of the shed and threw it in the wheelie bin, came back picked up my spray cans and put them away, then turned to my husband who was sitting with his mouth hanging open, “I’m going inside.” </p><p>Following me inside, he said, “I can’t believe you just did that.  What the hell did you bin it for?  Why go to all the trouble of painting it to throw it away?” </p><p>“You didn’t like it,” I shrugged.  “I would never have hung it knowing you didn’t like it.” </p><p>“Was it finished?” he asked.  “It didn’t look finished. </p><p>“It wasn’t but it doesn’t matter now.  Besides, I’m trying to focus on the dot painting.” </p><p>“You need to explore it all,” he told me.  “You went straight for your cans when you needed an emotional release, so you need to keep yourself open to all mediums.” </p><p>“Will do Dr Tom,” I said.  “I’m going for a shower.” </p><p>“Wait,” he called.  “I didn’t say I didn’t like it; I just want to clarify that.  All I said was that it was chaotic.” </p><p>“I know, I heard you.  The thing is – so am I.” </p><p>
  
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  <strong>25.2 DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I probably shouldn’t have said anything to her mother but I couldn’t help it.  I’ve lost count of the times that woman has completely disregarded what her daughter has said, or tried to say.  I know she cares for her a great deal, it showed at our wedding, but she’s been allowed to get away with the self centred behaviour for far too long, with no one in the family willing to say anything for fear of what happened today, happening.  The woman is as childish as they come and I’ve seen tantrums that any two year old would be proud of.  Anyway, my saying something seemed to almost be the sign my lovely wife needed to finally speak her mind; unfortunately, it didn’t go down very well.  I know she's hurt that her father didn’t stand up for her but I’ve always thought the man a bit weak to be honest, so it didn’t really surprise me a lot.  Neither did the fact that she wanted to paint – it always used to be her go to whenever she was upset.    </p><p> “I’m well aware of the fact that you can be chaotic my love, but you’re not always that way and please don’t let your mother undermine the calm that you’ve felt for the last couple of weeks.” </p><p>“She always does this to me.  Am I not allowed to be happy or something?  She seems to know when I’m feeling calm and at peace with my world, then she has to come along and upset the balance.  Like seriously, why would I go visit her when all she’s going to do is tell me all about the rest of the family and not give a damn about what I’m doing.  I told her about the shop.  I told her we’d bought it; she even asked a couple of questions at the time and now I feel like it meant nothing.  How could she ask what shop when she knows we have it? Does she do it to deliberately piss me off or does she not listen to anything I say?” </p><p>Past experience has taught me that the best course of action is to just let her get it out of her system with a few non-committal noises thrown in occasionally.  </p><p>“To hell with her.  I’m not going to visit before we go.”  And with that she stormed up the hallway still muttering under her breath as she headed for the shower. </p><p>10 minutes later she came out to join me on the couch, towel drying her hair. </p><p>“Do you want me to comb it?” I asked, picking up a damp strand.   </p><p>“I’m sorry I lost my cool at you.” </p><p>“You didn’t really lose your cool, you just needed to vent and I fully understand.  Feeling better now?” </p><p>Nodding, she turned to me, “I’m not letting her get to me, and I’d love you to comb my hair.” </p><p>“Go get your comb,” I told her.  “And have a think about what you want to do tonight.” </p><p>Returning with her comb, she sat down on the floor in front of me and, as I combed her hair, she turned the tv on and searched up The Queen’s Gambit. </p><p>“This ok with you?” she asked. </p><p>“Definitely.  I really enjoyed what we’ve seen so far.” </p><p>After finishing her hair, she came and sat on the couch beside me, picking my arm up and putting it around herself. </p><p>“You right?” I asked with a chuckle. </p><p>“I want a cuddle,” she told me. </p><p>“More than happy to oblige.  Have you thought about what you want to do tonight?” </p><p>Pressing pause on the remote, she turned and said, “To be honest, I’d be happy watching this if you don’t mind.” </p><p>“Suits me,” I said.  </p><p>… </p><p>Next morning, we woke, had a quick cuddle then it was up and out of the house for a run which both of us had sadly neglected over the last week.  She chose to do a slow jog, not wanting to irritate her knee too much, but told me to head off on my run. </p><p>By the time I got home, she’d showered, made coffee and fed the boys. </p><p>“What do you want for breakfast?” she asked me when I walked into the bedroom to find her pulling clothes out of the closet. </p><p>“I can get it,” I said.  “You finish getting ready.  What time were you wanting to head in?” </p><p>“No hurry,” she answered.  “Are you coming with me or are you going to come over later?” </p><p>“Seems a bit silly to take both cars when we’re going to the same place.  Just let me grab a quick shower and some breakfast.  Say, half an hour and I’ll be ready?” </p><p>“Yeah, that’s fine.  I wasn’t going to leave for about an hour.” </p><p>While I showered, she finally decided on what she was going to wear and was putting clothes back in the closet when I came out of the bathroom, towel around my hips.  She turned to say something and stopped mid sentence. </p><p>“I was thinking maybe we cou...” </p><p>Smiling at her, I prompted, “Thinking we could what?” </p><p>“Thinking...” </p><p>“Yes, we’ve established that.  You were thinking we could?” </p><p>“What?” she asked. </p><p>“Exactly,” I replied as she kept looking at me.  “Hello, darling?” </p><p>Walking towards me, she stood in front of me then reached out and put her hands on my chest.  “I was, I thought, I...I have no idea what the hell I was thinking.  Jesus Christ Hiddleston, put some clothes on.  I need to go to work and you need to let me gather my thoughts again.” </p><p>Keeping my eyes on hers, I loosened the towel and let it drop to the floor, “You were saying?” I asked. </p><p>Swallowing hard, she said, “I’ll go and get your breakfast ready, drink a gallon of coffee and find some bleach.” </p><p>Giving her a quizzical look, I asked, “Bleach? What for?” </p><p>“It’s about the only thing that will clean the thoughts I’m having from my mind,” she chuckled as she left the bedroom. </p><p>“Tell me what thoughts,” I called out after her. </p><p>“No.  You’ll get ideas and we don’t have time,” she yelled back.   </p><p>“Tell me,” I said as I ran out the bedroom after her, “Or I’ll have to <em> make  </em>you tell me.” </p><p>Squealing she took off for the living room with me running bare ass naked after her.  She turned around to see me running down the hallway and collapsed in a fit of the giggles as she watched me. </p><p>“For God’s sake,” she managed to splutter out between guffaws, “Go and get some clothes on.  That’s the most comical thing I've seen in a long time.  You’re killing me.” </p><p>Looking down, then looking back up, I couldn’t help myself and did a bit of a dance for her reducing her to fits of laughter all over again.   </p><p>“Thank God I didn’t have my makeup done yet,” she said wiping the tears from her eyes.  “I’d have to redo it.” </p><p>Glancing at the time, I did a bit of a dance back up the hallway, threw some clothes on then went to the kitchen where she had toast and cereal ready for me.  I ate while she went and did her makeup then while I finished getting ready, she had another coffee. </p><p>“Ready?” I asked. </p><p>“No, but I feel like I’m never going to be ready.  I’m seriously not ready for the real world yet.  The way I feel at the moment, I could take another six months and still not want to do anything.” </p><p>“Six weeks tops and you’d be climbing walls,” I laughed.  “Come on, let’s get going so we can get this sorted and hopefully spend the rest of the week together.”         </p><p>“I know what’s going to happen,” she said. “We’ll get there, I’ll mention taking the rest of the week off, Savannah will march me to the door and tell me she’ll see me next week.” </p><p>“And then you’ll go home and sulk because Savannah is more than capable of running the place without you.” </p><p>“No I won’t,” she snapped. </p><p>Laughing at her, I said, “Yes you will, and then I’ll tell you that of course she can do it because it’s what she’s been doing for years and there’s the small matter of the university degree the girl has in business.  I assure you darling, your shop is in good hands.” </p><p>… </p><p>Savannah was already at the shop when we got there and came over to give us both a hug and say how good it was to see us.  We spent a while chatting about The Bay and how much we’d all enjoyed being there and how they were looking forward to going back and exploring more of the area.   </p><p>“Just let Elsa and Chris know when you want to go up,” I told her. </p><p>“Oh, I couldn’t do that.  We really appreciate that they had us for the time they did.  We couldn’t possibly intrude again.  We’ll find somewhere up there to stay; we both fell in love with the area.” </p><p>“Elsa told you that you’re welcome again didn’t she?” I asked. </p><p>“Well, yes.  But I think she was just being polite,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Darling, do you want to be the one to tell her?” </p><p>“Sav, if Elsa said you’re welcome to stay again, then trust me, you’ll be staying again.  No one really uses the cottage that much.” </p><p>“Oh my goodness, that cottage is just perfect.  Have you ever stayed in it?” she asked. </p><p>“A couple of times but we haven’t stayed in it for a long time now.  And yes, it is perfect,” I said as I smiled remembering some of the times we’d spent in that cottage as the girls continued chatting. </p><p>“Ground control to Major Tom,” I heard. </p><p>“Sorry darling, what was that?” I asked. </p><p>Both women laughed as I came back to myself.  “I asked if you wanted to go upstairs while we have a chat?” </p><p>“Oh, yes.  Of course.” </p><p>Heading upstairs, we made coffee then Savannah said, “I wanted to talk to you about moving into your house.  I know you said a year rent free then we’d talk about the rent after that if we wanted to stay longer.  We’ve had a talk about it and, if it’s ok with you, we want to stay for at least 3 years.  We figure if we stay that long, it’s going to give us the chance to save up quite a lot so we’ll only need a small mortgage, hopefully.  What we were going to propose was that you scrap the rent-free year and give us an overall monthly rent based on us being there for 3 years.” </p><p>“I’m happy for you to be there for the 3 years if you’re sure you want to be there. Tom and I will have a chat about the rent and get back to you in a couple of days.  I was going to talk to you about sorting out a roster for the three of us, but as Tom and I are heading overseas soon, which I’d forgotten about, there’s really not much point, so I’ll just pop in and out.  Which brings me to this week.” </p><p>“I’m still not sure why you insisted on being here this week, it’s going to be very slow.  Take the rest of the week off and enjoy yourself.  I’m going to reorganise a couple of things and I have Maggie if I need help with anything.  Next week we’ll discuss all the financials for when you go away, but there’s no rush.  And I can’t believe you forgot you were going away.” </p><p>I laughed and shook my head, “You have met my wife, haven’t you?  You shouldn't be surprised at anything.” </p><p> </p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>25.3 EXTENDING THE BREAK</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you’ll be ok?” I asked her. </p><p>“Missy, how do I put this nicely?” Savannah said.  “Bugger off home.  I ran the shop single handedly for a couple of years before you took over.  Yes, I know business has picked up quite a bit since you took over, but it’s still the quiet period of the year.  Honestly, I’ll be fine.  And if I’m not, I’ll call Maggie.  Go.  Enjoy yourselves.  Make the most of what’s left of summer because when you get to the UK you’re going to freeze.” </p><p>“Oh God, I’m dreading it,” I told her.  “I need to chase summer around the globe...well actually, maybe not a UK summer, too damn cold,” I laughed.  “Their summer isn’t much warmer than our winter.” </p><p>“It can get hot,” Tom added. “Sometimes.  Occasionally.  Well, for the UK anyway.”  </p><p>“How warm?  30ºC,” I asked. </p><p>“To the best of my knowledge the hottest it’s been is 38ºC,” he said. </p><p>“If it was like that all the time, I could cope with it,” I said.   </p><p>“Just get out of here and enjoy yourself,” Savannah said.  “Honestly, what’s the point of having me here if you can’t enjoy some time off?” </p><p>“My thoughts exactly,” Tom said.  “I told her if she’s going to keep being here, she may as well not have you.” </p><p>“You have a point, so on that note – go. Enjoy yourselves.  If anything happens, I promise I’ll call.” </p><p>“Are you sure?” I asked. </p><p>“Tom, get her out of my shop,” Savannah laughed. </p><p>Tom, only too willing to follow instructions, came up in front of me and threw me over his shoulder.  </p><p>“Rude!” I called out as he headed for the door.   </p><p>“Bye Missy, bye Tom.  See you next week,” Savannah called out laughing. </p><p>“You are not carrying me out that door Hiddleston.  Put me down,” I demanded.  “Bye Sav.” </p><p>Tom put me down, held the door open and ushered me out, turning to Savannah, “Bye Savannah, see you next week.  And thank you for shooing this one out.  You should ask your boss for a raise, you’re worth more money.” </p><p>“No, it’s the weeks the boss is in that I deserve more money,” she quipped with a smirk. </p><p>“Again.  Rude!” I called out, laughing as she made a ‘shoo’ motion with her hands. </p><p>Getting into the car, I have to be honest, I felt good.  Really good.  And I was very much looking forward to the next week, just Tom and me with not a care in the world, and not a soul to consider except each other and our dogs. </p><p>“So, what do you want to do?” he asked me. </p><p>“I want to go home and get changed.  After that, I have absolutely no idea.  Did you have anything in mind?” I asked. </p><p>“The only thing I was really focused on was getting you and Savannah to agree to you not being there this week.” </p><p>“Well, you achieved that.  I guess we could just hang around home if you want.” </p><p>“Darling, the whole idea of this week was so we could have time to be together without worrying about making plans so stop worrying about what we can do, relax and we’ll take it as it comes ok?” </p><p>… </p><p>A couple of hours later, Tom on the piano, me laying on the couch listening to him and reading, I got up to get a drink and said I’d be back shortly.  Going to the kitchen, I got the drink and went to open the sliding door to let the breeze in. I stepped outside to pick up a spray can I’d obviously forgotten to put away and when I opened the shed, my nostrils tingled from the smells and I had this overwhelming urge to paint.  Going through what canvases I had, I found a 3 foot by 2 foot one that would be perfect for what I wanted.  Rummaging through my paints I found all the shades of blue that I had, gathered them up and took them outside then returned for the easel and a face mask. </p><p>Getting myself organised, I shook the spray cans so the paint was mixed and started applying paint to canvas with firm thoughts of Byron Bay in my mind as I started.  This painting was a reflection of my time spent on the beach watching the water.  Spraying coloured stripes across the canvas, I then started the layering process using light strokes and allowing the breeze to feather the paint as it landed.  Standing back to check my progress, I could see it starting to take shape and I was really happy with it.  Adding a few touches here and there I smiled.  I could feel this one.  I finally got it.  I was feeling, not thinking.   </p><p>I heard Tom calling out, “Darling? Where are you?  I thought you were going to get a drink.” </p><p>Turning to the door, I answered, “I’m outside,” but remembered I had the mask on and he wouldn’t be able to hear me.  Lifting the mask up and resting it on my forehead, I said, “I’m outside.” </p><p>Hearing the door open, I looked up and smiled, “You done playing?” </p><p>“I wasn’t but I wondered where you’d got to.  You said you were going to get a drink then I realised you’d been gone for quite a while and thought I’d come find you.” </p><p>“I got the drink then noticed a spray can I’d left out and went to put it away but as soon as I opened the door the smell got me and I needed to paint.”  </p><p>“You’ve just done this?” he asked. </p><p>Nodding, I turned back to the canvas and smiled.  “This is it.  I don’t care what you think.  I love it.  I felt it.  I was thinking of The Bay and just sitting on the beach watching the water and the sky change colour as the sun moved and this is what happened.  I didn’t think about it, I just let my hands do what they wanted to.  I felt it.” </p><p>“I can see.  I love this one darling.” </p><p>“Tell me what you see,” I told him. </p><p>“The white looks like the sand because it’s so white up there, then I see the shallow water breaking on the sand.  The colour change looks like the water is getting deeper, then it’s like that middle band is the deep water leading to the horizon.  The next band looks like the sky touching the horizon then the top bands look like the darkening sky.” </p><p>“Yes!” I exclaimed. “That’s exactly it!  Baby, I did it!  I felt it.” </p><p>“You’ve felt it before darling.  I have pieces of yours that are wonderful.” </p><p>“Yes, but there was thought went into them with the textures and layering.  Thinking about where to do the blending, where to run the scraper across to get the texture.  There’s no texturing on this one, it’s quite literally just layering.”     </p><p>“Well, whatever it is, I really like it.”   </p><p>“Thanks babe,” I said as he put his arms around me, rested his chin on the top of my head while we both stood looking at the painting.  “I’m hungry,” I said as I turned to face him.   </p><p>Pulling the mask off my face, he put it on the table just inside the shed door and said, “What do you want to eat?” </p><p>“I need coffee,” I said.   </p><p>“No, you don’t.  You need food.  You just said you were hungry.  Try eating then having a coffee instead of the other way around.” </p><p>“Fine. I’ll have toast and coffee,” I sighed.  “I was thinking...” </p><p>“That can be a dangerous thing,” he said, tongue in cheek. </p><p>“Ha ha, smart ass.  No seriously, I was thinking maybe we could go hiking?  My knee seems fine and I’d love to go to the falls, take some photos, have a swim.” </p><p>“Sounds fantastic.  When do you want to go?” </p><p>“Not today.  Maybe tomorrow if the weather’s going to be ok,” I answered. </p><p>Heading inside, I put some toast on and made coffee while Tom checked the weather app to see what day would be the best to go.   </p><p>“I’m thinking tomorrow might be the best,” he told me.  “Summer’s about to hit with a vengeance.” </p><p>“Oh?” I questioned.  “Well, it wouldn’t be before time.”  We’d had the mildest summer we’d had for a long time with temperatures so cool there were mornings I still wore a jumper.  Usually by now our weather is horrendously hot and humid and we’re begging for relief but this year we’re all questioning where our summer went.   </p><p>“Tomorrow it is then,” I said biting into my toast with vegemite.  “Want some?” I asked him. </p><p>“I’ll be fine, thanks,” he said wrinkling his nose.   </p><p>“You should try it again.  You’ve always tried it too thick.  Only a thin scraping on the toast and it’s really good,” I told him referring to the vegemite. </p><p>“The smell is enough.  I honestly don’t know how you eat that stuff,” he grimaced. </p><p>“We’re raised on it.  Aussie babies get toast and</p><p>vegemite from the time their little bellies can tolerate solid food.  They love it.” </p><p>“No, they don’t know any better,” he said shuddering.  “Give it to them when they’re older and I can almost guarantee they wouldn’t touch the stuff.” </p><p>Laughing at him, I kept eating my toast as Paddy and Bobby suddenly found me the most interesting person in the world.   </p><p>“You want some?” I asked them both breaking off a corner for them.  Paddy scoffed his in no time and Bobby did his usual, took the piece of toast, dropped it on the floor, sniffed it and moved back so Paddy could eat it. </p><p>“See, even the dog knows that it’s revolting.” </p><p>“Your dog just has no taste,” I told him. </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>25.4 ALL ABOUT BEING FAIR</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>After he’d satisfied himself that I’d eaten what he considered enough, Tom suggested I take my book and coffee and join him out the back on the sun lounges.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We’d been laying there for about 10 minutes when he said, “It’s quite warm in the sun love, we should probably move so that we’re in the shade.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking down at myself to see if I was getting sunburnt, I said, “I’ll move soon.  I’m ok at the moment.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t it be better to move and not get burnt than risk getting burnt and not be able to go hiking tomorrow?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Mmm</span>
  <span>, I suppose so,” I replied, feeling too lazy to move.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Watching him move himself to the shade then check himself for sunburn, I couldn’t help but laugh as he checked the skin on the top of his legs under his shorts.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> you doing?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Making sure I haven’t got tan marks,” he replied.  “So hard trying to even out the skin tones when I get tan marks.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Silly as it seems, I sometimes forget all the little things that go into being an actor.   Getting tattoos can affect what role you’ll be considered for, not because they can’t cover them but because of the way the public perceive you.  Piercings, hair </span>
  <span>colour</span>
  <span>, suntans, weight loss or gain; all these things have to be considered.  Hair </span>
  <span>colour</span>
  <span> has to be considered because of the damage that your hair goes through if you’re trying to strip a dark </span>
  <span>colour</span>
  <span> out, piercings because even though you can take them out, you’re still left with the hole.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Figuring I probably should move to the shade, I stood up and dragged the lounge out of the sun and into the shade, then turned around and saw him stripping off.  Raising an eyebrow, I asked, “What ya </span>
  <span>doin</span>
  <span>’?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Making sure I don’t get tan marks,” he said as he lay back down.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, well, I’m not liking my chances of being able to concentrate with you sitting there like that, besides which, you’re in the shade.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to take any chances, and to make it fair, maybe you should sit there like this too so that I can’t concentrate either,” he suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because we’re all about being </span>
  <span>fair,</span>
  <span> aren’t we?” I chuckled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Well,</span>
  <span> what?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not worried about tan lines,” I replied. “So, I don’t really need to.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought we might go in the pool,” he said trying a different tack.  “You’re not going to go swimming in your </span>
  <span>clothes,</span>
  <span> are you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say I was going </span>
  <span>swimming;</span>
  <span> you did.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But don’t you want to come in with me?  We have a pool that hardly ever gets used, I think we should start using it more.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I use it quite a bit,” I replied.  “Just because you don’t see me in there doesn’t mean I don’t use it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How often do you use it?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“3 sometimes 4 times a week depending on the weather.  I haven’t lately because we’ve been away.  You’ve usually got your head buried in a book or you’re in the office doing something.  I only swim for about 10 or 15 minutes but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> use it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come for a swim now?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I could be convinced I suppose,” I replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then get your gear off,” he laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, any excuse to get me naked huh?  I might go put my bikini on.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why bother when we’re alone?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good point.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Getting up off the sun lounge, I stripped off - much to Tom’s delight, then headed towards the pool only to be grabbed from behind and carried to the gate.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on smart ass,” I said.  “Let’s see you get the gate open while you’re holding me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He tried a couple of different ways but couldn’t work out how to do it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll lift the latch, you pull the gate,” he suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Pffftt</span>
  <span>, no,” I told him.  “You decided to pick me up, you figure it out; or you could put me down.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> fine then,” he mumbled as he put me down and held the gate open for me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” I smiled sweetly, </span>
  <span>savouring</span>
  <span> my minor victory.  I should know he has a tendency to get his own back when things don’t go quite the way he wants them to.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Walking towards the pool, intending to sit on the edge and lower myself in slowly, I found myself scooped up in Tom’s arms then thrown in the water as he stood there thinking he was hysterical.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Coming up spluttering, I looked across to the side of the pool where he stood laughing himself silly.  ‘Your ass is toast Hiddleston,’ I thought to myself.  I was able to stand up, as I was in a shallower part of the pool, got my balance, brought my arm backwards and skimmed my hand across the top of the water, splashing it up.  He bent down as I flicked the water and it went in his face so, as he put his hands up to wipe his eyes, I lunged for his ankles and pulled, knocking him off balance and causing him to fall in.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing at his shocked look, I waited </span>
  <span>til</span>
  <span> he’d wiped his face and said, “We’re even.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We played around in the pool for about 20 minutes before deciding to get out and lay in the sun to dry off. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span> “Wish we could take the weather with us when we go,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Home?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, your home, but yes.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Give it a chance,” he told me.  “There’s nothing quite like curling up on the couch with a roaring fire, hot chocolate and a good book while the weather outside is cold and wet.  I actually love London in </span>
  <span>February;</span>
  <span> I miss the seasons.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” I asked.  “You enjoy that weather where it’s so cold it seeps into your bones?  Where the rain feels like a thousand needles trying to pierce your skin it’s so cold?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he answered.  “I really do.  I miss having four seasons instead of warm, warmer and oh my God.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help laughing when he said that.  “We have four seasons,” I told him.  “Just a bit different in length to the ones you get.  Besides, you’d be more used to the weather here than in the UK having been based here for so long now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“To a degree. With all the travel you don’t really get the chance to acclimatise.  I love being here with you, but it’s only natural I’m going to miss home.  Give me four weeks and I’ll probably be pining for the warm sunny weather again, but at the moment, I can’t wait to get home.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not long now my love,” I said turning to him.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I sometimes wonder how he does it – stays away from home for so long. I know why he does it, and that’s because of yours truly and yes, I do feel terrible about it, but we talked about </span>
  <span>it</span>
  <span> years ago and decided to base ourselves here because he’s the one who’s away a lot and I’m comfortable here.  Doesn’t stop me feeling guilty, especially knowing his entire family are thousands and thousands of miles away.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Showered, dressed and sitting in the living room much later, Tom turned to me, “What do you want for dinner?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really sure.  Guess I should probably go look what we’ve got,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll cook,” he told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Of course</span>
  <span> I’m sure,” he answered.  “I’m happy to cook, you shouldn’t have to do it all the time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m a better cook than you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“True.  But I still make better coffee.  I’ll cook, you find something to watch.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Giving me a quick kiss, he headed for the kitchen while I turned the tv on.  Scrolling through the movies I came across one of my </span>
  <span>all-time</span>
  
  <span>favourite</span>
  <span> movies and pressed play, turning to watch Tom’s face as it started.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As the music played, he looked at the tv, then at me, back at the tv then back to me with a big smile on his face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You always did love this </span>
  <span>movie, didn’t you?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s not to love?  It’s an awesome movie, and other than Loki, Adam is definitely my favourite.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You and the long black hair,” he laughed.  “Maybe I should wear the wig more often.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yes!” I said.  “Feel free to wear it whenever you want.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not going to wear it now because I don’t want hair in our dinner.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we eating?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Crispy skin salmon, with asparagus, honeyed carrots and corn.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yum,” I said as my stomach growled.  “Looking forward to that.  Need help with anything?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, watch your movie,” he told me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t need to be told twice and settled myself down with a cushion and stretched out to watch my sexy husband vamp it up on screen with Tilda.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” I called out as he held Tilda tight in his arms.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey what?” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to do that to me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“More than happy to oblige my love, but if you want me to do it </span>
  <span>now,</span>
  <span> we could have a bit of a problem with dinner.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asking myself if I wanted food or him more, it was a no brainer really;  it was definitely him, but he wouldn’t spoil if I left him til later, the food would.   “It’s ok we’ll eat first.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be eating later too,” came the response from the kitchen.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. 26.1 Domestic Bliss, 26.2 Good Start To The Day, 26.3 A Bit of History, 26.4 Unexpected Reaction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>26.1 DOMESTIC BLISS</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Pausing the movie as Tom called me to the table, I looked from the screen to him then back to the screen.  “This is the bit you kind of lost your cool in isn’t it?” I asked. </p><p>“Trust you to remember that,” he said.  “And yes it is.  We were trying to do that bloody dance scene in the tiniest of spaces and they’d moved some of the furniture and I just couldn’t manouver around it.  We’d had a few changes in the scene already and it had been a really long day.  I was missing you and knew with the time difference that I wouldn’t get to talk to you and I was just not having a good time.” </p><p>“Well, it turned out wonderful in the end.  It’s one of my favourite scenes.  Actually, it’s one of everyone’s favourite scenes.  I remember when it first came out, everyone was talking about the dance scene and how romantic it was.  I had to have a laugh to myself knowing that it would have been anything but romantic with everyone standing around watching you,” I said.  “But it goes to show what great actors you and Tilda are because you nailed it.  If it was anyone but Tilda, I might have even been the teensiest bit jealous.” </p><p>Tom thought that was extremely funny and said, “I don’t think anything in this world would make you jealous my love.  It used to bother me that you don’t get jealous, used to make me think that you didn’t really care but then I realised, it’s probably a good thing you don’t given some of the scenes I’ve done.” </p><p>“I don’t get jealous but it doesn’t mean it’s still not hard to see you dry humping a woman that isn’t me.  Not easy to see you with your tongue shoved down someone’s throat when they’re not me, but I understand that’s what you do for a living.  I trust you.” </p><p>“You do know I’d never cheat on you, don’t you?  I’ve never been tempted, not from the moment I laid eyes on you; knew you were the one for me from that moment on.” </p><p>“I know what we have.  I know how I feel about you and I’m pretty sure I know how you feel about me.  You’ve had plenty of opportunities to cheat, and according to media reports you seem to have a thing about falling for your leading lady, but I know you’ve always been faithful to me.  And it may sound cocky, but I know you always will be.  No one knows you like I do.  No one knows the real you, not that bullshit ‘Mr Nice Guy’ image you portray.” </p><p>“Hey, I’m Mr Nice Guy,” he objected. </p><p>“To a point yes, but you don’t let your bad boy side show in public, and it’s the bad boy that no one would understand.  The dark side of you.  I’ve always said you retain little parts of the characters you play for a while after filming finishes.  Loki’s different; he lives in you.  I know, and you know, that you’re more like Loki than anyone could ever guess.   We both need him.  If you’re adoring public knew of the things you do behind closed doors they may not be quite so understanding.  Nor, I think, would most other women; so no, I don’t worry about you cheating because everything you could ever want, ever desire, is here and you know I always give you what you want.  By the way, dinner is delicious and thank you for cooking.” </p><p>“You’re very welcome and yes, you do know me better than anyone else, the same as I know you better than anyone else which is really weird because we’re still learning things about each other.” </p><p>“I know.  But when you consider how much time we’ve spent apart it’s only natural we’d still be learning about each other even if we felt like we’d know each other forever after only a month, if that makes any sense at all – it did in my head.” </p><p>Tom, laughing at me, said “it makes perfect sense, but then, I know you fairly well and can figure out even the most confusing of your thoughts - most of the time.”   </p><p>“Finished,” I asked as I stood up and went to gather the dishes and take them to the kitchen. </p><p>“I can clear,” he said. </p><p>“You cooked, I’ll clear,” I said.  “Are there any glasses in the living room?  I’ll load the dishwasher.” </p><p>“No, I got them earlier.” </p><p>Dishwasher loaded, kitchen cleaned, I turned to Tom, “Let’s go swimming.” </p><p>“What, now?” </p><p>“Yes now.  What’s wrong with now?” </p><p>“Nothing, I suppose,” not sounding terribly keen.  </p><p>“Awesome,” I said as I started undressing where I stood. </p><p>“Ohhh,” he said when he saw me. </p><p>Laughing as he stood and started stripping off, I raced for the door calling for him to get towels as I ran across the yard.  Opening the gate, I stood on the side of the pool and jumped in as he came running out the door throwing the towels on the bench seat. </p><p>“Before you get it, do you want to get the underwater lights please?” I asked. </p><p>“All of them?” he asked. </p><p>“No, just the ones for the deep end.” </p><p>After he’d put the lights on, he came through the gate, lined up where I was and jumped in making as much of a splash as he could.  </p><p>“You right there?” I asked, wiping water from my eyes. </p><p>Laughing, he swam up to me, and said, “You would have done it to me.” </p><p>He has a point, I would have probably gone one better and tried to jump as close to him as possible and dragged him under with me. </p><p>After a few lazy laps our competitive natures came to the fore and we challenged each other to see who could do the most laps underwater without coming up for a breath.  Deciding that it was unfair because of his 9 inch height advantage, I told him it had to be timed to make it fairer.  I won.  Then we had lap races with him giving me a half body length advantage but I said it had to be a full body length otherwise he’d have caught me within the first two strokes.  I had no hope of beating him with that one.  Then we decided to get the diving sticks. Turning the underwater lights off, he turned the spotlight above the pool on so that we had limited vision underwater.  Handing me a pair of goggles, he put some on himself then, with both of us standing together, backs to the pool, Tom threw six diving sticks behind him spreading them out along the length of the pool. </p><p>“Do we have another one?” I asked. </p><p>“What for?” he questioned. </p><p>“Well, we need an uneven amount or we could end up with three each and It’ll be a tie.  We need an uneven amount so there’s a clear winner.” </p><p>“I’ll go look, hold on.  And no cheating.” </p><p>“How the hell am I going to cheat?  The bloody sticks are in the water and I can’t see the bottom of the pool without the lights.  Are you going? </p><p>“Yes, I’m going,” he replied.  </p><p>“Walk slow,” I said. </p><p>He gave me a questioning look at first then I looked him up and down making him laugh.   </p><p>“Like that is it?” </p><p>“Yep, it’s like that.” </p><p>Heading to the storage box again, doing his best model walk,  he came up about 15 seconds later with another stick in his hand.   </p><p>“Found one,” he said holding it up, doing his model walk back towards me. </p><p>“Yeah, I can see that,” I laughed.  “Ok, throw it in and for goodness sake stop walking like that I feel like I’m with an old time hypnotherapist – watch the swinging co...” </p><p>“Ready?” he asked, cutting me off and throwing the stick in the water.  “We go on three ok?” </p><p>Nodding that I was ready, he stood with his toes hanging over the edge of the pool, “One, two, three.” </p><p>As he reached three, I went to elbow him in the side as he reached behind and grabbed my shoulder which resulted in both of us in fits of the giggles at the attempts to stop each other getting in to get the sticks.   </p><p>“I’m going over the other side,” I said.  “If you break before three, you’re disqualified.” </p><p>“Ok, ready?” he asked once I was on the other side. </p><p>“Ready.” </p><p>“One, two, three.” </p><p>We both jumped in, diving under the water and heading for the bottom trying to find the sticks.  I got one, surfaced, threw it on the side of the pool I'd been on then headed down again.  I felt his hands making a grab for me and slapped him away as I got another stick.  I’ve no idea how long it took us to find all the sticks and there were many accusations of cheating as body parts were grabbed in an attempt at distraction. </p><p>“I’m wearing a bikini next time we play games,” I told him.  “You don’t play fair.” </p><p>“I don’t play fair?” he spluttered.  “I seem to recall your hands in an inappropriate place on more than one occasion.” </p><p>“I thought it was a stick,” I said in my defense. </p><p>“You’ll pardon my skepticism of course,” he said.  “I hardly think a diving stick would be positioned at that height.” </p><p>“I thought you’d picked it up and dropped it,” I said with mock indignation. </p><p>“Come here,” he said. </p><p>“Nah, I’m good.  I’ll just stay here.  How many sticks did you get?” I asked. </p><p>“Come here and I’ll show you,” he smirked. </p><p>“Again, I’m good.  I’ll just stay here,” I answered with a grin. </p><p>“I’ve got 3,” he said.  “And you.” </p><p>I moved to the side of the pool and held up 2 sticks I’d thrown up there and had to laugh at his smile. </p><p>“I win,” he said. </p><p>“Not quite,” I answered as I reached down in the water and brought up another two sticks I’d had under my foot.  “Forgot to add these.” </p><p>“Still think you cheated,” he said as he swam over to me. </p><p>“I’m getting cold,” I said.  “Think I might get out and go shower again. </p><p>“Sounds like a wonderful idea,” he replied. </p><p>… </p><p>Showered, dried off and having had a coffee, we were both sitting on the couch, him in a pair of sleep shorts, and me in knickers, watching tv when I yawned.   </p><p>“Think I might go to bed, get an early night.  What time we going hiking in the morning?” </p><p>“I’ll just close up and be in,” he replied.  “Leave here around 8.30?” </p><p>“I was thinking between 8 and 9.  See you in there,” I said as he went to check the doors. </p><p>Not long after he came in and lay down on his stomach on top of the covers and rubbed my leg.   </p><p>“I’m looking forward to hiking.  We haven’t been in a while.” </p><p>“It’ll be a good test for my knee,” I said as I moved to sit on his bum and started massaging his back and shoulders.  </p><p>“Mmm, that feels nice,” he said. </p><p>“Thank you for talking me into taking the time off.  I think it’s going to be good for us.” </p><p>“Yes, I agree darling but, that’s not where you traditionally massage.” </p><p>“I know, but there’s not a lot about me that’s not traditional.” </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 14 'Imagine' available in My Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase, immediately follows on from this chapter.</p><p>
  
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  <strong>26.2 GOOD START TO THE DAY</strong>
</p><p>Waking to the feel of my wife in my arms is one of the best feelings.  I could feel her warmth, and memories of last night flooded through my mind, putting smile on my face.   </p><p>Blinking, then tilting my head, I looked down into smiling green eyes, “Good morning gorgeous,” she said.  “I don’t know what you were just thinking about, but that smile I just saw was something else.” </p><p>“I was thinking about last night,” I told her.  “And that <em> was </em> something else.” </p><p>“Mmm, it was rather enjoyable,” she said, stretching her body full length against mine.  “I guess we should probably get, oh...” </p><p>Claiming her mouth with mine, I silenced her words and pulled her in close against me.  “In a minute,” I said quietly against her ear.  “Let me just hold you for a minute hmm?” </p><p>Snuggling against me, head resting against my chest, arm thrown carelessly over me, she nodded her agreement.  “We can snuggle.  Actually, we can snuggle all day if you want.  We don’t have to go hiking.  We’re on holidays remember?  No plans, take it as it comes.” </p><p>“Hmm, that’s true,” I murmured against her hair. “But I’m rather looking forward to going.  I just wanted to hold you for a little bit.”  </p><p>“Mmm, this is nice,” she said. </p><p>“It is,” I replied. “But I need to pee.” </p><p>Giving a laugh she moved so I could get up, “Makes a nice change.  It’s usually me.” </p><p>As I went to come out of the bathroom, she’d thrown back the covers and was stretching her back out, touching her toes then placing her hands flat on the ground in front of her, legs straight before standing tall and stretching her arms over head, fingers interlocked and up on her tiptoes.  </p><p>“Now that’s a sight first thing in the morning,” I said, pushing myself off the doorframe and walking out of the bathroom.   </p><p>Turning towards me she laughed, “Sorry, I didn’t realise you were done.” </p><p>“Oh, I have no objections at all,” I said walking over to her.  “Feel free to do that in front of me anytime you like.”  </p><p>“Like this?” she questioned as she bent to touch her toes again. </p><p>Swallowing hard, I nodded then realised she couldn’t see me nodding because she was head down, ass up.  Grabbing her hips, I found my voice and said, “Yes, like that.” </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later, we got out the shower, running rather later than we’d intended, but not really caring much either. We dressed then I had breakfast and coffee while she just had coffee.  We fed the dogs, changed the toys they’d been playing with for some of their others so they didn’t get too bored while we were out for the day, then I went to get our hiking packs.  </p><p>“Just the small ones will do,” she called out after me. </p><p>“I was only going to get them,” I answered.  “We won’t need much. Darling, I’d be much happier if you ate something before we go.  I don’t think hiking on an empty stomach is a good idea.” </p><p>“I’ll take some fruit and I’ve got the trail mix, plus some cheese and crackers.  I’ll eat something when we get down to the bottom of the falls.  I promise,” she said, smiling at me.  “You know I can’t eat in the morning; it makes me feel sick.” </p><p>Giving her one of my ‘Tom’s not happy’ looks, she said, “I’ll eat some fruit before we start down the trail ok?  Unless you want me throwing up the entire way down, it’s the best I can do.  Do you think the coffee man will be there for when we get back up?  If not, we’ll have to find somewhere to stop and get one on the way home.” </p><p>“Maybe a little less coffee and a little...” I stopped as I saw the look on her face.  “I’m sure the coffee man will be there darling.  If not, there’s that little café just down the road.  You remember the one?  They made that pastry with the macadamias in it.” </p><p>“Oh God yes!  Bugger the coffee man, we’ll stop there.  We’ll deserve a pastry after that hike.  Do you think we can beat our time?” she asked. </p><p>“I’m sure we could but I just want to stroll along and enjoy it today.  And, I don’t want you overdoing it with that knee.  Those steps are going to be a huge test on it as it is and, no offense, but I don’t want to be lugging your sorry ass back up the trail.” </p><p>“I don’t want you to have to either so ok, we’ll go slow.” </p><p>Turning to her, a look of disbelief on my face, I said, “Who are you and what have you done with my argumentative wife?” </p><p>Laughing, she said, “Get over yourself Hiddleston.  What you said makes sense – for once.” </p><p>“For once?” I exclaimed.  “Just once?” </p><p>“Oh ok.  You may have been right on a couple of occasions...but not too many,” she laughed. </p><p>“You get over yourself Hiddleston,” I shot back at her.  “You know damned well I’ve been right on many occasions.” </p><p>“Not that I’ll ever admit,” she laughed. </p><p>Making sure the boys had plenty of water and that the doggy door was unlatched, I filled their Kong toys with their favourite treats then hid them in the yard while she distracted them.  Paddy, ever on guard when it came to food, knew exactly what was going on and took off for the yard as soon as I came back inside.  Bobby was a little slower, more interested in a pat than food.  “Quick Bobby, Paddy’s gonna get it.  Quick.  Quick.  Go.” she said running to the door and pointing. </p><p>Watching Bobby run out to see what Paddy was doing, his ears pricked up, nose in the air and he was off in search of his own little treasure trove.   </p><p>“You be good boys, we’ll be back later,” she told them both. </p><p>…. </p><p>Arriving at the falls, we parked and locked the car, got our backpacks on, had our cameras around our necks and we were ready to set off.  “You need to use the facilities before we head down?” she asked. </p><p>“I guess we probably both should,” I said.  “Meet you back here in a couple of minutes.”   </p><p>Both of us now ready to go, we set off on our hike down the mountain side.  It was graded as a ‘hard’ hike, with steep steps that had been hand cut from the sandstone mountainside, sheer cliff edges that had cursory rails, tracks that cut under sandstone cliffs, through the rainforest, over creeks and passed waterfalls - a 5 kilometre circuit track that started and ended in the car park with a time guide of approximately 4 hours.  Before she damaged her knee, we used to regularly do it in an hour and a half depending on whether we stayed at the bottom of the falls for a swim or not, and how many photo opportunities we took on the way down and back.   </p><p>I was confident on all parts of the track, but there was one spot we had to slow down a little for as she gathered herself and continued on as she had a fear of heights.  In her words, ‘it’s not really the height that bothers me so much as the voice in my head that tells me to jump’.  Some of the steps were incredibly steep and going down was fine but when you were coming back, you had to hold the rail as you felt like you were falling backwards the entire way up...quite disconcerting the first few times I did it but I expect it now and have adjusted to it.  It’s the one part she struggles with as there’s a sheer drop off on the other side of the rail.   </p><p>Heading down, we passed the first of the lookouts with a view out across the valley, sandstone cliffs in front of us and gum trees as far as the eye could see.  You can smell the eucalyptus up here and see the blue haze as you look across the valley.  To the left you can see part of the track that leads down to the falls and if you get yourself in a certain position, you can see the very top of one of the three sections of the falls. </p><p>Heading further down the track, we jumped tree roots, slid on ground up sandstone and laughed at lizards scampering out of the way of our feet.  A little further down and you enter the rainforest where the smell changes to one of damp; the ferns lay beside the track, their fronds curled to catch the drips of water as they filter down through the canopy, the leaf mulch on the rainforest floor damp and leaching tannins into the little trickles of water.  The temperature drops noticeably as you walk a little further in and the bird song becomes louder.  The water runs down the sandstone rocks with some of the trickles steady enough to be able to cup your hands and gather the water...you can’t get any fresher than this as it’s filtered naturally through the sandstone and is crystal clear and pure. </p><p>A little further down the track and you can hear the first of the triple tiered waterfalls, and when you round a bend in the track it appears unexpectedly before you; handcut sandstone steps in place so you can cross the water flow. There’s not really anywhere to stop and rest here, and on the weekends when it’s really busy, it’s hard to find photo opportunities without holding up a bunch of people but, being mid-week, we were the only ones here and were able to take as many photos as we wanted.   </p><p>Around another bend and you’re afforded another view over the valley, however this time, you’re further down and get a wonderful view of the cliffs around you as well as the valley in front of you.  The track becomes quite damp and slippery in places and you need to keep your wits about you.  Descending further you come upon the second of the waterfalls. This one is quite popular for those that like that to abseil and is actually used for emergency services training.  Many people become lost in these mountains and, if you’re venturing off the main tracks, it’s recommended that you carry an emergency location beacon so you’re easily tracked and can be rescued. </p><p>Continuing our way down, we cut under the sandstone cliff, she didn’t have to duck - I did, and having leant the hard way, I stayed crouched down until well clear of the rock. The next part of the track was probably the most treacherous as you’re descending down a dirt track littered with leaf matter and vegetation that becomes quite slippery, especially after rain.  There are large exposed tree roots that you can use as a handhold to assist you down. </p><p>Reaching the bottom of the track we were rewarded with the largest of the falls and a swimming hole that was accessed by a bit of rock hopping.  Taking our packs off, we stripped down to our underwear and braved the cold of the pool, walking out to stand under the actual falls themselves.  The best back massage you’ll ever get as the water is cold on your hot skin and the pounding of the water gets right into the muscle.  It’s breathtaking at first but once you get accustomed to it, it’s almost bearable. </p><p>Getting out of the water, we sat on a rock sunning ourselves and had some of the trail mix we’d packed, then we enjoyed some grapes before taking photos of each other in the water, under the falls and laying on the rock.  Using the phone camera, we took a few selfies then decided to get dressed before taking photos of the scenery and wildlife around us. </p><p>
  
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  <strong>26.3 A BIT OF HISTORY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“There’s some rock carvings nearby,” she said to me.  “If you want to have a look at them, I can show you.” </p><p>“Of course I want to have a look.  Why haven’t you shown me before?” I asked. </p><p>Shrugging, she said, “I’m not sure.  I guess I wanted to see how you felt about the Indigenous culture before I shared things that mean a lot to the People.  No offence intended but it wasn’t something I wanted to share with you if you weren’t really that interested; if your interest was tokenistic.  I suppose it’s still all kind of new to me too.  I’ve always known about my ancestry but because of the way the family felt about it, it made it hard for me to embrace it.  I made a vow to myself when I burnt those papers that I was starting fresh – the phoenix – and that starting fresh means embracing my Indigenous background.  I know you’ve always been accepting of it and let me deal with things in my own way, for which I'm very grateful, because I know you could have pushed it all way before I was ready.” </p><p>“Darling, this is all part of you, part of who you are, part of what’s important to you.  Of course I want to know about it. As for not pushing, it wasn’t my place to push it.  This is something you have to do in your own time, as you see fit.  I admit, I’m fascinated by it.  You’re part of the oldest culture on earth and that blows my mind.  I’m hoping that as you learn more, you’ll be willing to teach me.  I understand that there’s always going to be things that are off limits to me, but I’m hoping you’ll share as much as you can.” </p><p>“I’d love to share it with you, and if we ever have children, I’m hoping that you’re open to them knowing their ancestry, knowing who they are and where they’re from.” </p><p>“There’s no question darling.” </p><p>Shrugging our packs back on, she pointed to an area that looked quite overgrown and said, “This way.” </p><p>“Are you sure?” I asked.  “I can’t see much of a trail there.” </p><p>“Trust me,” she said turning to smile at me. “You’ll see.”   </p><p>“Obviously you’ve been here many times without me,” I said.  “Who did you come here with and when?” </p><p>“When you’ve been overseas working.  I come here because it’s peaceful, pretty and I really enjoy the hike.  I can take you to a few different places that I’ve been to that I haven’t shown you yet.  I discovered them on the way up to mum’s when you were in Vietnam.  There’s no waterfalls, but it’s an easy hike and it’s still really pretty.” </p><p>Walking behind her, still doubtful about this supposed track she said was here, I questioned her further.  “Who did you come here with?”   </p><p>“Watch you step here,” she told me, “The vines are quite thick and tend to catch your ankle.  Hold on to the branches for a few steps, then when we get around that bend, you’ll see the track.” </p><p>“It has to have been a while since you were here.  I’ve been home for almost 14 months and we haven’t been up since I got back.  Who were you coming with?” </p><p>“I came up about 18 months ago, I guess.  I sent you photos remember?” </p><p>“Yes, I remember,” I answered suddenly feeling annoyed.  “You were with everyone from the gym – and Tim.” </p><p>Stopping in front of me, she turned and sighed.  “Can we please not?” she asked.  “Don’t spoil it.  You weren’t here, they were.  Life had to go on.  I didn’t go out partying or anything; I worked, I shopped, I stayed home apart from the odd trip out to go hiking or to the beach.  You know all this; I’ve never hidden it from you.  I don’t know what I can do, what I can say, to convince you that you’ve never had competition.  You always say that from the moment you saw me, you knew I was the one.  Ok I admit it took a little longer for me because I was scared you were going to hurt me, but I was never interested in Tim.  Never.  I’ve only ever seen him as a friend, regardless of how you think he saw me.  You are now, will always be, and have been since we met, the only man I’m interested in.  You know I didn’t date before you and you know why.  I swore it would take a very special person to get me to even consider dating again, much less have a relationship with, live with and eventually marry.  You are that special person.”  Holding her left hand out in front of herself so that I was looking at it, she pointed to her wedding band. “Yours.  I needed you to see how much you mean to me, and the only way I could do it was this.  Now please, can you get it through your thick head that there isn’t, never was, and never will be, anyone for me but you.” </p><p>And with that she turned and started walking again, leaving me in her wake considering the words she’d just spoken.  I know, I’m an idiot.  Like me, she’d had plenty of opportunity to cheat, to walk away, to move on, but she hadn’t.  She’d put up with me jet setting off around the world with very little complaint because she understood it was my job.  Unfortunately, I was never able to do the same for her.    </p><p>“Come on,” she said.  “It’s just up here.” </p><p>Following behind, I thought over what she’d said.  I know she hadn’t been in a relationship for a long time before me.  I know how hard it was for her to be with me, to trust me, especially when I went overseas.  I know all of this.  I know how much she loves me, and I know she’d never do anything to hurt me, but I’ve seen the way that guy looked at her, and she can deny it all she wants, but if he’d had half a chance, he’d have taken it, and it just gets to me that she’d been here with him, shown this to him, shared this with him, and not me.   </p><p>“Were your co-workers interested in your Indigenous ties?” I asked. </p><p>“I never told them,” she replied.  “I didn’t feel that was something I wanted to share with them.  Ok, watch your step.  It’s just over here.  It’s roped off so that people can’t rub their fingers on it, it damages them over time.  I remember when I was a kid and we went on school camp down at the mouth of the river.  We went bushwalking one day and I saw my very first rock carving.  It had an effect on me that I couldn’t explain to anyone.  I didn’t want to leave that rock and ended up getting in trouble because I lagged behind.  I hated camp, but I loved that bushwalk.  That was before I really knew what my ancestry was all about.” </p><p>Following closely behind her, I looked up and saw the rock that had been roped off and got a little tingle of anticipation as we approached.  I was about to see something that was thousands of years old.  Some of the rock carvings in the Blue Mountains, which is where we currently are, have been dated back somewhere between 5 000 and 7 000 years.  Let that sink in for a minute.  My wife is descended from the oldest know culture on Earth. </p><p>“Can you feel it?” she asked.   </p><p>“I’m not sure what I’m feeling but there’s a certain ambience to the area.” </p><p>“I can feel it,” she told me, as she touched her chest.  “In here.  Think about this babe.  Somewhere between 5 and 7 thousand years ago, someone stood in this exact spot and made a carving in rock.  Here. Right here where we’re standing.  Doesn’t that just blow your mind?” </p><p>Approaching the rock, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I don’t think I expected the carving to be quite as clear as it was considering the age of it.   </p><p>“Kangaroo?” I questioned. </p><p>“Baragarang,” she replied. </p><p>Looking at her blankly, I wasn’t sure how to proceed.  I didn’t want to show any disrespect but I had no idea what the hell she’d just said. </p><p>Laughing, she said, “The Dharug word for kangaroo, it’s baragarang.” </p><p>“Burra gor...sorry darling I don’t mean to be offensive but can you break it down for me?” </p><p>“Bara-gar-ang but it’s got a kind ‘uh’ sound I suppose, buh-ruh-guh-rang.  Does that help?” </p><p>“Yes it does.  So that’s kangaroo?” </p><p>“It can also be called buru – pronounced boo roo  but you have to kind of roll the ‘r’. </p><p>Looking at the carving, I found it fascinating and told her so.  She smiled as she looked at the rock and nodded, “what’s fascinating is the story around rock carvings.  But I might leave that one for another time.  We’d better head back up babe.  We’ve still got a fair hike uphill ahead of us.” </p><p>Getting back out on to the main track, we had a quick drink then started walking. </p><p>“Tell me about the rock carvings,” I said. </p><p>“Well, I can just about guarantee that there are others around here somewhere, either they’ve not been found or they’re weathered so badly you wouldn’t recognise them for what they are.  That one is a bit protected from the elements so it’s easy to see.  People see them as a one off, but they’re not.  They’re usually part of a bigger picture; sometimes it’s what food is available in the area, sometimes it’s about creator beings^ and sometimes it’s Dreamtime* stories.  Believe it or not, the pictures you see on the rocks here, particularly if they’re creator beings, can be recognised by communities in the middle of Australia.  Sorry, I’m babbling on,” she said suddenly quite self-conscious.  “Come on, let’s get a move on.  I want coffee.” </p><p>I find it so surprising that she knows as much as she does considering she’s only just recently begun to look into, and acknowledge her ancestry.  How does she know so much? </p><p>“In case you’re wondering why I’m like a walking Wikipedia,” she said.  “I had to learn about some of this stuff at school and it’s stayed with me, plus I had a genuine interest in it growing up.” </p><p>“That explains it.  I was wondering if it was some form of inherent knowledge that you’d tapped into.” </p><p>“I wish!” she exclaimed.  “It would make learning so much quicker and easier.” </p><p>We hiked along in silence, concentrating on not slipping on the pathway and getting up the steps that she wasn’t fond of.  I was going to walk behind her, but she got freaked out that if she fell, she’d take me out with her and insisted I walk in front of her so she could focus on my feet.   </p><p>Reaching the top, she saw the coffee man and all thoughts of macadamia pastries flew out of her mind as she ordered her usual long black with a dash of skim and an espresso for me. </p><p>“How’s your knee?” I asked as we waited for our coffee. </p><p>“It’s a little tight,” she answered. </p><p>Getting our coffee, we went and sat at one of the seats on the lookout platform and looked out over the valley.   </p><p>“I really enjoyed that,” I said to her. </p><p>She sat in silence for a while and I looked over at her, instantly worried by the look on her face.  She was waging an inner battle of some sort. </p><p>“What is it?” I asked. </p><p>“I want to see a fertility specialist,” she told me.  “I want to find out my chances of having a baby.” </p><p>….................... </p><p>^Creator, or Ancestral, Beings:  The Indigenous People believe these to be supernatual beings that travelled around the unshaped world, as humans and non-humans.  The belief is that they shaped the landscape as well as created people, lay down the laws of acceptable religious and social behaviour. </p><p>*Dreamtime (or Dreaming):  A little tricky to explain but I suppose the simplest way is that the Dreaming is the beginning of everything, how everything came into existence.  The Dreaming is before time.  The Dreaming is about Ancestral beings and their epic deeds of creation.  Without the Dreaming, we wouldn’t ‘be.’ </p><p>I’m including a web address in case you’d like to do a little further reading, please don’t feel obliged to.   </p><p>https://nga.gov.au/dreaming/index.cfm?Refrnc=Glossary </p><p>I write this with full respect to the Ancestors and to the Elders, both present and emerging who are the custodians of all the stories, they are those that carry all the knowledge and are custodians of the land on which I live. </p><p>  </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>26.4 UNEXPECTED REACTION</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I've been thinking about this for a while now, and being on the hike, looking at the rock carvings and thinking about ancestors, just really brought it home for me.  I want to be able to give my husband a child.  I want that child to know of his or her ancestry.  I want to know what my chances of having a child are.  Is it hopeless with no hope of it ever happening?  Do I have a slim chance, good chance, no chance...I want to know.  No, that’s not true.  I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>to know; so, when he asked me what was wrong, I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to see a fertility specialist.  I want to find out my chances of having a baby.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was quiet for a while, looking out over the valley as I’d just done, thinking.  “Not yet,” he said eventually.  “The timing’s all wrong.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I’m not entirely sure what I expected from him, but it wasn’t this.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re weeks away from going home and we both know once you’ve seen the specialist, it’s going to be an involved process with tests to be done. Your period is so erratic that you can go for six months without one, and that alone is going to take some investigating so, now just isn’t the time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand that, but my concern is that if we wait for too much longer, you’re going to be working in one country with me living in another, and let’s face it, that’s not terribly conducive to us starting a family. Much as I said I'd travel overseas with you; I can’t stay away from home indefinitely.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just get home, the UK, take some time out, hopefully have a clearer idea of what’s going on workwise for me and then discuss the best plan of action.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Wow, not the reaction I’d expected.  I honestly thought he’d jump at the idea and I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying no darling.  I’m just saying now isn’t the time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Staring out over the valley, I nodded then stood and threw my coffee cup in the bin.  “Come on, let’s go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I heard his sigh as he stood and put his cup in the bin, then felt his hand on my shoulder.  “Wait,” he said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not do this here,” I suggested nodding my head towards the coffee man’s van where a small crowd of people had gathered and were currently casting furtive glances in our direction. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding his agreement, Tom took my hand and we headed for the car.  Once in the car and on the road home, he said, “I’m really happy that you want to look into it if it’s what you really want, but part of me is really worried about how you’re going to cope if the outcome isn’t what you want it to be.  How are you going to feel if the specialist tells you that it’s never going to happen?  Part of me would rather you never found out and we continue living our lives as we are now, keeping our ‘if it happens, </span>
  <span>it</span>
  <span> happens’ attitude.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how I’d feel to be honest.  I’ve not really thought that part of it through.  I imagine I’ll be upset, but at least I’d know.  How would you feel?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what?  Let’s not worry about if for now.  Let’s enjoy the rest of this week, focus on the shop for the next couple of weeks after that, then enjoy our time in the UK.  How about we just take it as it comes?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So what you’re trying to avoid saying is that you’ll be upset,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually no, that’s not what I’m saying and stop putting words in my mouth.  </span>
  <span>Of course</span>
  <span> there’s going to be part of me that’s disappointed, but I’ve known the contents of your medical records for a lot longer than you have, and I've had time to come to terms with it all.  As long as I have you, I'm ok with whatever else happens.  Now, can we please just enjoy ourselves?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding my agreement, I asked, “Did you still want to stop at that little café for a coffee and macadamia pastry?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you mind if we got it to go?” he asked.  “I’d just like some quiet time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind,” I answered knowing that there was a good chance the café would be busy with the late lunch crowd.  “I can go in and get it if you want to wait in the car?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t mind?” he questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all.  Did you want tea or do you just want the pastry?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t mind an Earl Grey if it’s not too busy and there’s not too much of a wait.  Don’t worry about it if there’s a long wait.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom parked the car and waited while I went in and ordered two Early Greys and two macadamia pastries.  He was right to wait in the car, the place was really crowded with diners but thankfully, not many waiting on take outs.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes later, back in the car, we put the music on, sipped our tea and decided to leave the pastries for later when we were at home and less likely to end up with flaky bits all over us and the car.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Having unpacked our hiking gear and put everything away, I picked up my camera bag and took it to the living room. “Where’d you put your camera?” I asked.  “I want to go through the photos you took and have a look.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It should be on the floor near the entry table,” he replied.  “Have you checked through your photos yet?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a quick look when we got back to the carpark but I haven’t had a good look yet.  I thought I’d upload both cards then go through them all.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll grab the camera then sit with you.  Should we put some music on?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan.  What do you want to listen to?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not just let YouTube pick for you?” he said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Music on, cards loaded, we sat and went through the photos.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What about putting a filter on them, just to see how they look?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Giving him a horrified look, I said, “Go and wash your mouth out!  No filters; ever.  Why would I use a filter when I have scenery like that?” I asked pointing to the photo on screen.  “Actually, hold on a second and I’ll show you why I don’t use a filter.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Saving the </span>
  <span>photo</span>
  <span> I had on screen, I applied a few different filters showing him the results of each one.  “What do you think?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The </span>
  <span>colours</span>
  <span> look too fake.  I know the sky around there is a different blue because of the eucalypts but it looks fake with the filter.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I sometimes use a filter to help adjust the light if the photo is too dark, or to darken the photo if it’s too light.  I’ll also use a black and white filter, other than that, I refuse to use them.  If you need a filter to make your photo look better, then you need to get better at taking photos.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Scrolling through he pointed out a few that he really liked and asked questions about settings on the camera to achieve the desired effect then I brought up his photos.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Like me, he tends to be his own worst critic and picked fault with a lot of what he’d taken.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to put your glasses on,” I told him.  “These are good, some of them are really good.  I keep telling you that you have a good eye.  Don’t be so damned hard on yourself.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha! Look who’s talking,” he said. “You’re incredibly hard on yourself.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> hush you,” I chuckled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing now?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I might go paint if you don’t mind,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all.  I might go play piano for a while if that’s ok with you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Of course</span>
  <span> it’s ok.  Actually, I might set up inside that way I can listen.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He looked absolutely horrified when I mentioned setting up inside and it took me few seconds to </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> he thought I was going to be using my spray cans.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing at him, I said, “Relax, I was going to try some dot painting again.  Being on the hike today has inspired me to give it another go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> thank God” he said.  “I had visions of spray cans and canvases and furniture covered in drop sheets with paint going everywhere.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I wouldn’t mind a new lounge in that formal loungeroom,” I said. “That would be a </span>
  <span>sure-fire</span>
  <span> way of getting one.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go shopping for a new one if you want, but not today if you don’t mind.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we worry about it when we get back from overseas?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.  We’ve got a bit to do for when we get bac</span>
  <span>k...and a bit to do before we go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As I went to walk away to go get my paints, he called me back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I know you’re disappointed about our conversation today but I want you to promise me that you won’t do anything about seeing a fertility specialist until we’re both together after we get back.  Will you do that for me? Please?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you want then yes, I promise.  Can I ask you something though?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can ask me anything you want love.  What is it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I know we always said if it happened it was great, but if </span>
  <span>not</span>
  <span> it was great too.  I always thought it was a bit odd because I know you love kids, but </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> now it’s because you knew what my medical records said.  Today when I mentioned the fertility specialist, I didn’t get the reaction I expected to be honest.  I get that you’re worried about my mental state and don’t want me to get my hopes up, but I thought you’d be over the moon that I wanted to take that step and it got me thinking.  So, I need to ask. </span>
  <span>Do</span>
  <span> you still want kids?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Go get your paints.  We’ll talk about it all later,” he replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom.  Do you still want kids?” I asked again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, he looked thoughtful for a moment then said, “I’m honestly not sure.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. 27.1 Tom's Reasoning,  27.2 Why Can't The Past Just Stay There?, 27.3 The Cracks Begin to Show, 27.4 Please God, No!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>27.1  TOM'S REASONING</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Do I want kids?  Of course I want kids.  I’d love to have a child, but not if it means she beats herself up for not being able to give me one.  It’s easier this way.  Easier to just plead indifference.  Easier for her if it turns out she can’t.  Will I be upset if she’s unable to have them?  I’d say it’s a distinct possibility but I don’t want her to know that.  She’s come so far; I don’t want anything to jeapordise that.  I'd rather have her as she is now than risk it all for a child.  She is now, always was, and always will be the most important part of my life. </p><p>“What do you mean you don’t know?” she asked. </p><p>“Come, sit with me for a minute,” I said.  “I was hoping we could delay this conversation but it would appear that’s not going to happen.” </p><p>“Ok, spill.  What’s going on?” she asked. </p><p>Taking her hand in mine and running my thumb over the wedding band on her finger, I said, “I stand by what we decided years ago.  If it happens it happens.  I’m not going to be heartbroken if it never happens, but by the same token I’ll be thrilled if it does.  I don’t want it to become an obsession with you.  I don’t want your mental health suffering for it.  I’m happy with our lives the way they are now.  If you were to tell me you don’t want to go through with further testing, don’t want to know one way or the other, then I fully support you.  As I said to you earlier, I’ve known what was in your medical report for a long time now and I’ve made peace with it all.  If you can’t have kids then so be it.  It’s not your fault, it’s just the way it is.  I don’t want this to be a cloud hanging over us.  If you can’t have them and it means the world to you to have one then I suppose we could look at a surrogate, but that’s not something that really appeals to me.  Adoption is a possibility if you want to go that route but we have to consider your mental health problems. Sorry darling but it’s a fact of life, they’re going to look at our history.  I’d really like to put everything on hold until we get back and then we can figure out what to do and where to go.  Can we do that?  Can we enjoy our time together at the moment and not worry about it all?” </p><p>She looked at me with those beautiful green eyes of hers, so full of love and nodded.  “We can do that.” </p><p>“Thank you my darling.  I promise, if you still want to go ahead with it, we’ll sort it all out when we get back ok?” </p><p>Nodding, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, then said, “I'm going to paint. I think I might do it outside though.” </p><p>“I thought you were going to come sit with me,” I questioned. </p><p>“The light’s better outside,” she replied. </p><p>“I can pull all the blinds back, the light floods into this room.  You almost claimed it for a studio when we first decided to buy it.” </p><p>“It’s ok, I prefer the light outside,” she said giving me a quick hug.  “I’ll be back in later.  Enjoy the piano.” </p><p>She was upset and I knew it.  She’d made the decision to have the tests done, a huge step for her I know, and what did I do?  Tell her to put it off because I’m not sure I want kids; she’s not stupid, she knows I want them and it won’t take her long to figure out I’m saying this to make her feel better which is only going to make her feel worse.  Way to go idiot.  </p><p>Sitting down to the piano I started playing, but given the mood I was in, it was all just noise.  Pushing the stool back, I paced around the room, pissed at myself for upsetting her all over again.  I know she said she was fine, but I also know her and know she’s hurt.   </p><p>Walking through the house, I got to the back door and was about to go out to her but she was sitting with her paints and seemed so focused on what she was doing that I didn’t want to disturb her.  Content to just stand and watch, I noticed her hand go up to her face a couple of times and realised she was crying.   </p><p>Opening the sliding door with such force that I almost ripped it off the runner, she looked up, startled, as I went stalking across the yard and pulled her up off the seat she was on, wrapping my arms around her. </p><p>“I’m sorry I upset you.  I feel like I've caused you a lot of hurt.  It wasn't my intention to do so.  I don’t know what to do to make this better.  I hate seeing you upset especially knowing I’m responsible for it.” </p><p>Pushing back against me so she could look up at me, I could see the tear tracks streaking down her cheeks.   </p><p>“Oh bloody hell,” I said tracing the tracks with my thumb.  “I feel like such an ass.” </p><p>“It’s fine Tom.  Honestly.  I was just having a pity party for one, cursing the fact that I can’t be like a normal person and just have a baby because we want one.  Just another part of my past that wants to haunt me.  It’s not your fault that you feel the way you do.  I guess I just had myself so psyched up to do it and expected you to be as psyched as I am, but forgetting I hadn’t clued you in on how I was feeling.  Let’s just rewind to the part of the day just before I mentioned the fertility specialist and pick up from there.  Erase the whole baby conversation. We’ve had such a good time these past few weeks I don’t want anything to spoil it.” </p><p>“Agreed.  Let’s forget it,” I said as I sat down and picked up one of her dotting sticks.  “Are these easy to paint with?” I asked. </p><p>“Not really,” she replied, coming to stand in front of me as she took the stick from me and dipped her finger in white paint.  “it certainly takes some patience.”   She reached across and dabbed the paint on my forehead, placing a row of dots just below my hairline.  I stayed still, not daring to move for fear of ruining the moment which felt intimate in a way I can’t describe.  There was absolutely nothing sexual in what she was doing, painting my face with her markings, but it was one of the most intimate moments I’ve ever shared with her.  Thumbs running across my cheekbones, smearing paint, then down to my chin where she attempted to place a stripe of yellow paint but couldn’t.  </p><p>“Your beard’s in the way,” she said as she leaned forward and kissed me gently coming away with yellow paint on her cheek and chin.  “But that’s ok because I like the beard.” </p><p>“May I?” I asked indicating the paint on the table. </p><p>Nodding, she sat back down on the seat as I dabbed circles across her forehead in the same pattern I'd felt her do on mine.  Painting her face the way she’d painted mine, I sat with stained fingertips and watched as she picked up the dotting stick and started dipping it in the paint then dabbing it on the canvas.  I didn’t want to make a sound and break her concentration so sat and watched her face as she worked.  Becoming conscious of the fact I was watching her, she smiled as she looked up. </p><p>“You’re putting me off my game Hiddleston.” </p><p>“Bullshit, I am.  Look at what you’ve painted.” </p><p>“Yeah, I kinda like this one.  I wanted to try something a little different.” </p><p>“Well, it worked.  It’s a gecko right” </p><p>Nodding, she said, “It’s inspired by today’s hike but also the bushfires from last year.  See here,” she pointed to the bottom of the canvas, “Those circles are the fires but there’s also some greenery as the land regenerates.  Then of course, you have the gecko running from the fire and at the top there’s the remnants of the fire being put out by the rain.  As I said, it’s something a little different.” </p><p>“I think it’s your best to date in this style.” </p><p>“Thanks babe.  Come on, let’s go wash up, my face is getting itchy so I can only begin to imagine what hell you must be going through,” she said in reference to my slightly sensitive skin.  Most of the time it was ok, but occasionally I reacted really badly to certain substances or makeup. </p><p>… </p><p>Dinner done, dogs fed, the usual routine for night time and we were on the couch, arguing over whether we should watch tv or read.   </p><p>“Ok, scissors, paper, rock.  Best of three wins,” she said.  “I win, you read to me, you win and we watch tv.” </p><p>“Ok, ready? On three; one, two, three.” </p><p>She was paper, I was rock – one to her. </p><p>“Ok, ready?” she asked.  “one, two, three.” </p><p>I was scissors, she was paper – one to me. </p><p>“Ok, last one,” I said.  “Ready? One, two, three.” </p><p>We were both rock. </p><p>“Again,” she said. “Ready? One, two, three” </p><p>I was rock, she was scissors – I won. </p><p>“Looks like I win,” I said.  “is there anything you’d like to watch?” </p><p>“I don’t think so.  You pick, you won.” </p><p>“What about ‘you’?” I asked. </p><p>“I just said I didn’t think so,” she said giving me an odd look. </p><p>Having a little chuckle, I said, “No, I mean what about ‘you’ the series – on Netflix.  Have you heard about it?” </p><p>“Ohhhh,” she said.  “I think I saw a write up about it, but don’t really remember.  He’s the murderer that works in the book store right?” </p><p>“That’s the one,” I said. “Will you watch it with me?” </p><p>“Sure. I’ve got nothing better to do,” she told me.  </p><p>“Oh well don’t put yourself out now,” I laughed, </p><p>“I won’t believe me,” she returned, tongue in cheek.  “Now, shove over on the couch, if you’re going to make me watch this show, I may as well be comfortable.”   </p><p>And with that she grabbed a cushion, threw it in my lap then flopped down beside me, turned and lay her head on the cushion and sprawled her body out length ways.  “Mmm, this is nice,” she said. </p><p>“Glad you’re comfortable,” I told her. “Don’t suppose you want to scootch over and let me lay behind you?” </p><p>“The last time I did that I got in all sorts of trouble and don’t recall much of what we were watching,” she said, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. “What are the chances of that happening again?” </p><p>“As I’m tired after all the walking today, I'd say slim to none are your chances of that happening tonight.”   </p><p>“You disappoint me,” she said with a laugh. </p><p>“Oh really?” I said as I turned to her.  “Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” </p><p>“I’m joking babe, I'm joking.  Let’s watch tv.” </p><p>“Oh, thank God,” I said.  “I’m not sure I've got it in me tonight.” </p><p> </p><p>
  
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  <strong>27.2 WHY CAN'T THE PAST JUST STAY THERE?</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It was nice just laying down on the couch together watching tv.  Tom had grabbed a couple more cushions and popped them under his head so he was higher than me as he was laying behind me and couldn’t quite see the tv properly. He’d chosen the series ‘You’ but I struggled with the show in places as it was all about obsession and the lengths one man went to in order to be with this girl. ‘You’re ok,’ I told myself, ‘you have Tom, he’s not going to hurt you.’  Horrible the way the past has a habit of haunting you and gets you when you least expect it.  It was just a stupid tv show yet it hit a bit close to home in some ways; ‘all in the past,’ I told myself again.  In the show, she knew something didn’t seem quite right with him, but ignored it. I know that feeling sister and, like me, she ignored the feeling.  The end result was the same.  We’d both ended up trapped.    </p><p>On screen he reached for her, the intent clear on his face  Springing off the couch, I rubbed my arms, bolted for the kitchen, paced back and forwards, got a drink of water then jumped like hell when I felt Tom’s arms around me pulling me close. </p><p>“I’m so sorry love.  I didn’t think, so stupid of me.  I’ve turned it off.” </p><p>Hugging him against me, I nodded.  “Thanks.  I’ll go to bed and read so you can keep watching.” </p><p>“No, don’t be silly.  We can find something else to watch.  You pick.” </p><p>Pacing around the kitchen again, rubbing my arms, I looked at him.  “I don’t know if I can watch anything and I don’t know what I want to watch.  You pick something else.” </p><p>“Is there anything you don’t want to watch?” he asked. </p><p>“Yes.  That.” I said nodding towards the tv, “the one we just watched.” </p><p>“Are you ok?  I didn’t think, I’m sorry.” </p><p>“I’m fine, I just don’t want to watch anymore of it.  As I said, I’m happy to go lay in bed and read if you want to watch it.  Can you just hold me for a minute?  Please.” </p><p>He pulled me close to him, wrapping both arms around me and resting his chin on the top of my head.  “God I’m such an idiot sometimes.  I just didn’t think.  I’m truly sorry.” </p><p>“It’s ok, honestly.  I should be over it, shouldn’t let it bother me.  I’m the one that should be sorry.  I can’t let my past define me.” </p><p>“You’re hardly doing that, and much as I hate to say it, you’re never going to be truly over it.  There’s always going to be a trigger but I will always be with you.” </p><p>“I know you will and I love you for it.  Watch your show, I’ll go read in bed.” </p><p>“It’s fine, I’ll watch it next week when you’re at the shop or otherwise engaged. Now, what do you want to watch?” he asked.  “You’re trembling,” he said.  “Hey shhhh, it’s ok.  I’m here, you’re safe.”  </p><p>“You pick what you want to watch.  I’ll go get my book and just lay here with you.” </p><p>“You sure?” he asked. </p><p>Nodding, I disappeared up the hallway to get my book and brought it back, curling up on the couch with him behind me as we were before.   </p><p>Opening the book, I soon became lost in the story until he moved and said, “Do you want some popcorn?” </p><p>“Sure.  Can you put the kettle on?” </p><p>“I can but do you think it’s a good idea to have coffee now?” </p><p>“No, it’s probably not, but I’m going to anyway. After that show I really don’t care,” I said.  “We’ve proven I don’t sleep regardless of whether I do or don’t have coffee.  Oh, that reminds me,” I said, sitting up, reaching for my phone. </p><p>“What are you doing?” he asked. </p><p>“I saw this advert before, it was for a tea that supposedly helps you sleep.  Some tea company is working in conjunction with various Indigenous groups to make teas for all different purposes and they have a relaxation one that I've read reviews on.  Most people are saying it’s helped their insomnia, and given how well Ngarra’s grey goop worked, I’m tempted to give it a try.” </p><p>“Weren’t you going to try and get in contact with the local group here?  Why not see if they’ve got anything to say about any brews first.  I just worry that it’s not an authent...oh,” he said as I took my phone to him and showed him the website. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s why I thought I’d give it a go,” I said. </p><p>The website explained how their teas came to be made, how they collaborated with different Indigenous communities and even went so far as to give you a list of ingredients in the tea.  They had photos of Indigenous people working with them and even the labelling being designed by an Indigenous artist. </p><p>“The vitamin store near the shopping centre is apparently a stockist according to this. Might give them a call tomorrow and see if they’ve got it and go get some,” I said.  “In the meantime, I’ll have coffee.” </p><p>Coming back over to the couch with a big bowl of popcorn, a coffee for me and a tea for him, he sat on the couch and put the cushion on his lap ready for me to lay down again. </p><p>“I’ll just have my coffee first,” I said as he started the movie again, and I picked up my book.  Glancing up at the screen, I asked, “Have you been watching this the whole time I’ve been reading?” </p><p>“Yes.  I was surprised you didn’t start watching with me because I know you love it, then I thought it must be a good book and you weren’t interested in the movie.” </p><p>“Well, it is a good book,” I said putting down the Stephen King novel I’d been reading, to sit and watch The Last of the Mohicans with him. </p><p>Sitting there munching on popcorn, drinking coffee and watching the movie reminded me of how it was when we first started dating, when we were trying to keep everything quiet and loved nothing more than quiet nights in; when it was just our little secret - before the media found out about us and it all turned to shit. </p><p>“Hey, you ok?” he asked. </p><p>Giving myself a mental shake, I nodded, “Yeah fine.  Why?” </p><p>“You squeezed the handful of popcorn you picked up so hard you’ve made a popcorn ball.” </p><p>Looking at my open hand, I realised he was right.  The popcorn had been mashed together to form a ball. </p><p>“You sure you’re ok,” he said taking the popcorn from me. </p><p>“I’m fine.  I was just thinking back to how we used to love staying in and watching movies when we first got together, when no one knew about us and it was just our little secret.  You and me hiding out from the world and trying to keep things quiet, until the media found out.” </p><p>“Ah yes, the media.  That explains the mangled popcorn.  It all turned out in the end my love.  It wasn’t plain sailing and we had to fight for it, but it made us stronger and look where we are now.” </p><p>“I still despise the media,” I told him. </p><p>“Yes, I know believe me. I can see that,” he said indicating the popcorn on the table as he put his arm around me. “Come, give me a hug.” </p><p>Allowing him to pull me against him, I relaxed again and lost myself in the movie.  Stretching as the credits came on screen, he smiled, “I do love that movie.” </p><p>“I know you do babe.  It rates up there with The Jungle Book, Heat and Indiana Jones,” I replied. </p><p>“Oh, Heat.  I haven’t watched that one for a while.  Maybe tomorrow night but right now, I’m for bed. How about you?  Ready for bed?” </p><p>“I’ll probably read for a little while.  I’m not ready for sleep.  Kiss?” </p><p>“Come to bed and read,” he said.  “I might read for a while too.” </p><p>“It’s ok, I’ll read out here, I know you’re tired,” I told him. </p><p>He bent down to kiss me, then rubbed his nose against mine, “I love you, don’t stay up too late.” </p><p>Returning the kiss, I said, “I won’t.  I’ll be in soon.” </p><p>He turned and headed for the hallway but stopped and turned around.  As he went to say something, I said, “Love you too,” without looking up from my book.  He stood there for about 10 seconds, then slowly walked up the hallway.  I thought he was going to say more but obviously changed his mind. </p><p>I read a few pages, then looked up to see Tom coming down the hallway towards me.  Scooping me up in his arms, he carried me back the way he’d come, placing me on the bed, then sitting in front of me with his legs around me. </p><p>“Something wrong?” I asked looking at the way he’d basically pinned me to the bed.  “You could just ask if that’s the way you want to play.” </p><p>“I don’t want to play.  Well, I do but not now.  I’m not going to let you do this.  As you said, we’ve had a wonderful few weeks, and I’m not letting you bugger it up.” </p><p>Looking at him in confusion, I said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” </p><p>“You’re shutting me out.  I’m not going to let you do it.  Talk to me, what’s going on.” </p><p>“Nothing’s going on,” I replied.  “I thought you were tired, I wanted to read so it made more sense for me to stay out there and not have the light on keeping you awake.” </p><p>“Don’t push me away,” he said.   </p><p>“I’m not.” </p><p>“I feel like you are.” </p><p>“How am I pushing you away?  Why would I?” </p><p>“I can’t explain it.  You were going to paint inside then decided to go outside, then I found you crying.  You usually come to bed when I do, but now you want to stay out there.  I don’t know why I feel that way.  Maybe it’s a subconscious thing because you didn’t get the response you were hoping for when you mentioned the fertility testing.” </p><p>“I’m not consciously pushing you away or shutting you out.  If you feel I am, I'm sorry.  What you said makes sense in that it’s not the right time to do anything about it.  I admit I was shocked that you said you’re not sure if you want kids, and now I find I'm questioning myself and wondering if I wanted to do it for you or for me.  I really don’t know.  I’m just feeling a bit confused at the moment I suppose.   To be honest, I wish I'd just kept my mouth shut and not said anything.  I know we said we’d rewind the conversation to where I’d not said anything, but we can’t can we?  It’s been said, it’s out there and now we have to deal with it;<em>  I </em> have to deal with it.” </p><p>“You were right the first time – <em> we </em>  have to deal with it.  I don’t know what you want me to say, I really don’t.  It’s not that I don’t want kids my darling, but I don’t want them if it means a high cost to you.  Look at me,” he said putting his finger under my chin and tilting my head up so I had to look at him.  “I’m perfectly happy for us to be just us, for us to go on like this until the end.  As long as I have you, I have everything I want.  I don’t want you to do this for me.  Take time to think about it, decide what it is that  <em> you </em>  want – not what you think I want, but what  <em> you </em> want.  Take the time while we’re back home to consider all your options.  If you decide you want to do it for yourself, for the right reasons, then I'm with you all the way; but it has to be because it’s what you want, not because it’s what you think I want.  Can you do that?” </p><p>“I can do that, but I want to know something.  If I decide not to go ahead, is it going to be something you’ll always wonder about?” </p><p>“Not at all.  I’ve told you; I knew what was in your medical records years ago.  I’ve had time to come to terms with it, made my peace with it.  It’s your body, therefore ultimately, it’s your decision.  As I said before though, I don’t want you to obsess over it and please, don’t shut me out.  Talk to me about it.  If you have questions, ask.” </p><p>“I will.  I’m sorry if you felt I was shutting you out, I didn’t mean to.  I think I'm going to sleep, I feel kinda tired now.  I love you so much.” </p><p>“I know you do, and I love you too.  Goodnight my love.” </p><p>“Night babe.”   </p><p>
  
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  <strong>27.3 THE CRACKS BEGIN TO SHOW</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Do you ever have those mornings where you’re laying in bed and you feel incredibly comfortable; the pillows are just right, you’re warm but not hot, not really awake but not asleep either?   Everything’s just perfect.   This was <em> not  </em>one of those mornings.  I felt like I’d run a marathon overnight and now I was uncomfortable, aching, tired and couldn’t work out if I was hot, cold or what the hell I was.  </p><p>“For God’s sake,” Tom said.  “Just get up already.  You’ve been tossing and turning all night.” </p><p>“Sorry,” I grumbled throwing back the sheets. </p><p>“What seems to be the matter?” he snapped. </p><p>“Nothing’s the matter,” I answered, annoyed.  “Can’t sleep.” </p><p>“Yes, I know.  Every time I’d almost go to sleep, you’d roll over - again, throw the sheet back – again, pull the sheet up – again.   Even for you, that was a rough night.” </p><p>Poor guy, he’s learnt to sleep through my bouts of insomnia but last night was just ridiculous.  No matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position.  The pillows were wrong, I was hot, I was cold, I wanted a cuddle, I didn’t want him to touch me – everything was just wrong. </p><p>“Well, you should have said something and I could have gone and slept in one of the spare beds and you’d have been able to sleep then,” I snapped stalking across the room to the bathroom.  “Don’t complain to me now if you’re not going to say anything about it at the time.” </p><p>A couple of minutes later, looking in the mirror and staring at the bags under my eyes, I felt horrible for being cranky with him when he had every right to be annoyed because of my tossing and turning.  All the poor man wanted was a decent night’s sleep but no, I had to toss and turn all night and keep him awake. </p><p>Walking out of the bathroom and going to the bed, I looked down at him and said, “I’m sorry I was a bit short with you.  I should have just got up and gone to the other room so you could sleep.” </p><p>“You know I would have followed you to make sure you were ok, so there really wasn’t much point.  What’s going on love? Why can’t you sleep? I mean, I know you have insomnia but this is concerning.” </p><p>“I don’t know what’s wrong.  I feel like I’ve got 357 browser windows open in my brain and every time I try to close one another one opens in its place.  I just feel like I can’t shut down.” </p><p>“It was that bloody tv show wasn’t it?  God, I’m so stupid putting something like that on, I should have known, should have realised that it would get to you...” </p><p>“Stop,” I interrupted.  “I honestly don’t think it was the show.  Maybe a little part of it but I’ve got so much on my mind at the moment, so much I want to do and I feel like I’m running out of time.  I don’t know why I feel like that but I do. I feel like there’s so much to be done, so much I want to do but I feel like time’s getting away from me and I’m not going to get to do it all.” </p><p>“Running out of time in what respect?” he asked.  “As in not having enough hours in the day?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” I replied.  “I’ve just got this feeling that time’s running out.  I want to learn about my culture, I want to paint, learn different styles, get better at the ones I do now.  I want to do more photography, I want to learn to draw, I want to run again - I miss the gym, I’ve got the shop to worry about, I need to think about closing the house up ready for our trip, the dogs, the hikes I want to do, decisions to make and I feel like I’m drowning.  I’ve struggled to adjust to being back home after our holidays and then mum pissed me off and it just feels so overwhelming at the moment.  It’s ok, I’ll be fine.  Just need to give myself a slap across the back of the head and have a very stern talking with myself, but I am going to call that store and see if they stock that Native tea.  I really want to try some.  Now, are you getting up or going to try and catch an hour's sleep?” </p><p>“I don’t think what you’re going through is ‘nothing’ as you put it, you’re all over the place.  If you’ve got that much going on in your head maybe you need to talk about it.  I’m happy to listen, or it might be wise to give Michelle a call and have a chat with her.  We both know what’s at the forefront of your mind and until you deal with it, make your decision one way or the other, I think this is going to keep happening.  I also have a sneaky suspicion that our UK trip is weighing heavily on your mind, and as I’m wide awake, I may as well get up.”     </p><p>… </p><p>Leaving Tom at home, I went to the store that carried the tea and stood in front of the shelf gazing absently at the different ones available.  Startled when I was asked if I needed help, I gave a small cry of alarm, then gave an embarrassed chuckle, “Sorry, I was a million miles away and you startled me,“  I said to the shop assistant.   </p><p>“I should be the one to apologise,” he said.  “I could see you staring off into space.  I should have been mindful of that.  Was there something I could help you with?” </p><p>“I just wanted some of the Native Relaxation tea,” I told him.  “I’ve read some really good things about it.” </p><p>“It’s amazing stuff,” he told me.  “You won’t notice much of a difference the first couple of nights. In fact, you’ll question whether it works at all, but stick with it and after a week you’ll notice a difference.” </p><p>“I’m assuming you’ve tried it then?” I asked. </p><p>“Raised on the stuff.  Not this mix exactly but same ingredients.  My grandmother used to give it to us when we were little.  It was a recipe handed down through the generations.” </p><p>“I was up in Byron over the break and was lucky enough to visit one of the communities and met a lovely older man who gave me some bush medicine for my knee...it was this God awful smelling grey goop that I had to rub on twice a day.” </p><p>“Let me guess, it wasn’t too bad the first couple of times but suddenly became very pungent?  Slight tingle when you put it on?” </p><p>“Yes!  You know Ngarra too?” I laughed. </p><p>“Each community has their own Ngarra,” he chuckled.  “Ours is Killara* also known as Kyle.” </p><p>Looking at his name tag, I said, “Gus, you might have just saved me some time and calls.” </p><p>“Oh?” he asked. </p><p>Offering my hand, I said, “Gus, I’m...” </p><p>“I know who you are,” he replied, with a bit of an embarrassed smile.   </p><p>“You do?  Do we know the same people or something?” I asked.   </p><p>“No,” he said.  “You’re Mrs. Loki, sorry, I mean Mrs. Hiddleston.” </p><p>I laughed out loud when he said Mrs. Loki, “Oh Gus, I needed that laugh.  I’m Missy, I guess also known as Mrs. Loki and I was going to be looking up phone numbers for the local Indigenous Community leaders.  Probably sounds a bit odd at my age, but I want to learn about our culture, talk to people, learn who I am.  Sorry, I know that’s a bit deep.  Would you be able to point me in the right direction?” </p><p>“If you go to the Community centre, you know where that is?” he asked and when I nodded, he continued, “Go there, there’s always someone about and they can help you; point you in the right direction.  Are you Darug?” </p><p>“Grew up on Darug Land but my ancestors are Worimi People.  I spent a few days in Worimi territory last week and it was the most incredible feeling.  Like I’d come home even though...oh listen to me ramble on and here you are being ever so patient with this crazy lady telling you things you don’t need to know.” </p><p>“It’s ok Missy, really.  I might only be young but I understand that ‘belonging’ feeling.  That feeling you get here,” he said placing his hand over his solar plexus, “but it’s not just that, you know?  I know how important it is.  Go to the centre, you’ll be looked after.  I’ll let my mother know to expect you.” </p><p>“I do know what you mean, there are no words to describe that feeling.  Does your mother run the centre?” I asked. </p><p>“No, but you’ll see her there.  Her name’s Kellie.  She does a lot of community liaison work.” </p><p>“Thank you so much.  Now, I want the relaxation tea.  Anything else you can recommend?” </p><p>“Depends on what you need help with,” he said.  </p><p>“A miracle,” I said under my breath but then smiled and said, “I might just stick with the sleepy tea to start with.” </p><p>“Just remember, it takes a few nights to really make a difference.” </p><p>… </p><p>Back home, I couldn’t wait for night time so I could try the tea.  Silly isn’t it? Getting excited to try something my ancestors had probably taken for granted, a way to have a good night’s sleep.   </p><p>“You were gone longer than I expected,” Tom said when I got in.  “I thought maybe you’d snuck in a visit to see Sav.” </p><p>“No, I was talking to Gus, the sales assistant at the store.  His mother works at the Community centre and does a lot of liaison work for the Community.  He told me I should go visit there and they can help me.” </p><p>“That’s wonderful, at least you have a starting point.” </p><p>“You’re ok with all of this?” </p><p>“Absolutely.  Just don’t leave me behind in your voyage of self discovery.” </p><p>“I won’t.” </p><p>“So, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?” </p><p>“Can we just hang around here?  I’m feeling kind of wiped out after not sleeping much and would love to just have an easy day.  If you want to go out and do something, by all means go, but I just want to hang here.” </p><p>“Hanging here is just fine,” he replied.  “But how do you feel about a trip to the botanic gardens tomorrow?” </p><p>“Sounds nice.  We haven’t been since we went with your mum mid last year.” </p><p>“Ok, it’s a date then.” </p><p>… </p><p>It was a rather uneventful day really.  We did all the neglected domestics - dusting, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, wiping down windowsills, changing sheets, cleaning the kitchen, getting into the gardens.  All the really boring stuff that needed to be done.  Music playing, we didn’t rush, just took our time and got it done.  Tom kept coming to see if I needed help; didn’t take a genius to figure out he was scared to leave me alone with my thoughts for too long.  The thing is, I need him to leave me alone.  I need him to give me some space to figure out what it is I want to do and I can’t do that with him checking up on me every 5 minutes. </p><p>“Do you need any help?” he asked coming over to the garden bed I was currently weeding. </p><p>“As I told you last time you asked, and the 10 times before that, I’m fine. If I need help, I’ll be sure to call out and let you know.” I took the sting out of it with a smile and a wink but I was hoping I’d made it clear I needed some space.   </p><p>15 minutes later, “I’m done.  Come sit with me, I’ll make you a coffee.” </p><p>“I’m not done yet.  You go sit, I’ll come in when I’m finished.”   </p><p>“Let me help you, that way we can get it finished and you can join me.” </p><p>Oh dear Lord, you know I love this man more than I love life itself but seriously, get him out of my face before I lose my cool.  I’m guessing my face must have reflected my thoughts, because he took a step back and held his hands up. </p><p>“I’ll leave you to it,” he said. </p><p>“Yep,” I responded, returning my attention to the weeds but glancing up just in time to see the hurt look cross his face. Sighing, I said, “Tom?” </p><p>He turned back and looked at me, “Yes?” </p><p>“I just need some time to think ok?  It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer of help, I do, but I just need a bit of space to try and make some sense of everything running around my head at the moment.” </p><p>Nodding, he walked over to me, cupped my cheek and said, “Just don’t shut me out.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>27.4 PLEASE GOD, NO!</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>I would give up every dollar I have if it meant chasing away what ever </span>
  <span>demons</span>
  <span> she’s fighting this time.  I feel so bloody helpless.  There is not a damn thing I can do but stand by and watch as she retreats further and further into herself.  It’s breaking my heart.  Hasn’t she endured enough in this lifetime?  Why does the past have to keep coming back to haunt her?  She still smiles, but it’s not reaching her eyes.  She still laughs, but it has a hollow tone to it.  She still welcomes my touch, but it’s perfunctory.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She actually slept a little more last night which was good.  I think exhaustion wins out in the end, and whilst her mind never stops, her body demands rest.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We woke up, she had her coffee and seemed to be looking forward to our trip to the botanic gardens.  The camera came out, battery charged, memory cards swapped and she was quite chatty but there was a reservation about her.  Please God, don’t let this take too long for her to figure out.  I want my wife back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arriving at the gardens, we parked the car, decided to wear long sleeves and just wrap them around our waists if we got warm, although it was usually quite cool here.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember last time we were here?” she asked, cheeky grin on her face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’ll ever forget.  Mum sat on the seat near the pond chatting to that elderly couple while we...amused ourselves shall we say.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I was going to die of embarrassment with the way she looked at me, but it was around that time she told me what your father was like in his younger days.  She laughed as she told me you were definitely your father’s son.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I found out more about my parent’s sex life in that trip with mum than I ever really wanted to know.  As kids we always knew they were fairly active but I must admit, I wasn’t quite prepared to hear that much.  I suppose like most children, I was aware that they obviously...well, I’d prefer not to think about it actually.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Your mum got down and dirty Hiddleston, no denying it,” she taunted with a smirk on her face.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t imagine you were an immaculate conception,” I threw at her.  “</span>
  <span>So</span>
  <span> your mum had to have been there at some point.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Ewww</span>
  <span>, gross,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, exactly.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, I got the point.  Hey do you think our kids </span>
  <span>wil</span>
  <span>...</span>
  <span>nevermind</span>
  <span>.  Let’s walk.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Turning her back on me, she started down the trail.  “I love how different it looks with each season.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And there she goes, retreating again.  All I can do is be there.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hand a couple of times, and we stopped and took some selfies.  I didn’t bother with the camera this time, content to watch her lining up shots and muttering to herself about ‘bloody shadows’ as she tried to avoid getting our shadows in the photos.  We read up on some of the more interesting sights such as the circle of tree trunks which are actually the remains of one tree trunk that was either burnt of cut down.  She took some great photos then we sat and had something to eat before hiking back up the hill and checking out the native gardens before heading to the lookout where she took more photos.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Although she was fairly quiet, she answered me when I spoke to her and, when there was no one around, she was happy to let me hold her hand or give her a hug.  She gave off an air of unapproachability and even though it was obvious I’d been recognised, people took one look at her and seemed to think better of approaching me.  She never said anything to anyone, she didn’t need to.  Her body language spoke volumes.  After the lookout we took another pathway down a different part of the hill.  We stayed a couple of hours, had a late lunch at the bottom of the track then walked back up to the car stopping at one of the little roadside café's for a coffee on the way home.  She seemed to come out of herself for a while and we sat chatting about previous trips up and how the colours were different with each season.  Checking her phone, she rolled her eyes and pushed it away. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Missed call from dad,” she said.  “I’ll call later.  No doubt mum’s </span>
  <span>realising</span>
  <span> she messed up but won’t </span>
  <span>apologise</span>
  <span> so is getting dad to lay the groundwork for her to worm her way back into my life without having to say sorry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not </span>
  <span>like</span>
  <span> your dad to call though love.  Maybe you should call.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  I’m not going to let that woman ruin a nice day.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I’m not sure I’d call it nice, but there you have it.  I guess we just see things differently.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Back home after dinner, she’d gone through the photos, discarded some, fixed lighting on a few and was now sitting pretending to read a book.  I’ve no doubt she thought she was reading it as her eyes were scanning the page but she’d been on that page for the last 3 minutes...and I know how fast she reads.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good book?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, what? Oh, um, yeah.  </span>
  <span>Yeah,</span>
  <span> it is.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, I smiled and said, “That’s good.  You’re getting through it pretty quick. You’ll have it finished in no time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, easy to read.  Good story.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You bloody liar,” I chuckled.  “You’ve been on that page for the last 4 minutes that I know of.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, she put the book down.  “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> reading it.  I just kind of got caught up in my head.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I noticed.  Did you end up calling your father?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I just can’t face it tonight.  I’ll call him tomorrow.  I’ve had a fairly enjoyable today and I just don’t want to have to listen about what a lousy daughter I am and how I should keep them more informed of what’s going on and how I never visit.  I just can’t.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s entirely up to you my love.  I think I'm going to go shower and head to bed.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll do the same.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Waking, I found the bed beside me empty.  Reaching out and feeling the sheets, I found them cool to touch.  I’d been alone for a while then.  Figuring it was probably her insomnia again, I went to the guest bedroom in search of her but she wasn’t there.  Checking the spare room, not there either.  Looking through the house, she was nowhere to be found.  Opening the sliding door, I went out into the yard and saw her sitting there, slumped up against the pool fence.  Heart hammering in my chest, I went running, calling her name but getting no response.  I had a nasty feeling I knew what I was about to find and had to prepare myself for it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling?” I said as I was about 8 feet from her. “No, no, no, no, no, </span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> shit, shit, shit,” I said as I saw the blood.  “</span>
  <span>Noooo</span>
  <span>, what have you done.  </span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  
  <span>you</span>
  <span> silly girl.  No.” I said as I saw all the cuts on her arms and legs.  Reaching out I put my fingers on her neck feeling for a pulse.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And then woke up in a panic gasping for breath.  A dream, it was just a dream.  Breathe – in, out, in, out.  Just a dream.  A horrible one, but still, it was only a dream.  Thank God.  Waiting for my heart to return to a somewhat normal rate, I turned to look at her...only to find the bed empty.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>What is this </span>
  <span>groundhog day</span>
  <span>? I asked myself.  No, definitely not.  I’m definitely awake this time because I'd just pinched myself and it hurt.  Dread in the pit of my stomach, I didn’t waste time searching the house but headed straight outside saying a silent prayer that what I’d dreamt was just that, a dream.  Running across the yard, I saw her sitting near the pool fence.  Not slumped, just sitting.  Calling her name as I ran across the yard, I was relieved to see her turn to look at me, smile spreading across her face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey you,” she said as I dragged her to her feet, then lifted her bridal style into my arms kissing her hard on the mouth.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> thank God.  Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I said, head raised to the Heavens.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she said.  “Want to clue me in on what this is all about?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Burying my head in her neck and inhaling the scent of her hair, I started to shake so badly that I had to put her down, then sit down before I fell.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom?” she questioned.  “Hey baby, what’s wrong?  Talk to me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold me,” I said, openly sobbing into her hair.  “Just hold me for a minute.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arms wrapped around me, she crooned to me as she placed little butterfly kisses along my neck, jawline and then onto my mouth.  “Shhh, it’s ok.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let go,” I mumbled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting go.  I’m not going anywhere.  I’m here,” she told me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We sat there for a few more minutes, then she managed to coax me to let go long enough for us to get inside where she made me a cup of sweet tea.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to talk about it?” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I explained about the dream and what I’d found, then about waking up and </span>
  <span>realising</span>
  <span> it had been a dream, then finding her missing and dreading that it had actually been prophetic.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me with tears streaming down her face, “I’m sorry I scared you.  I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to keep you awake.  I’ve been doing some pretty heavy thinking and just needed to be outside, to put it out to the universe.  I didn’t think you’d wake up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ok now, just scared the hell out of me.  That bloody dream was so real.  I thought I’d lost you and I couldn’t...I couldn’t...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was only a dream, look,” she said, showing me her arms and legs.  “Just a dream. I’m past all the slice and dice stuff, I have ways of coping now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you doing out there?  I know you said you were thinking but what were you thinki...</span>
  <span>ohhh</span>
  <span>.”  You might say I can be a bit thick sometimes, this clearly, was one of those times.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve made a decision,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And what </span>
  <span>decision</span>
  <span> have you made?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still not entirely sure that I want to have a baby, but I want to find out whether it’s at all possible.  I want to have the testing done so that I know one way or the other what my chances are.  I’m not doing anything about it until we get back, but once we do get back, I want to start the testing.</span>
  
</p><p><span>“And I’ll hold your hand every step of the way.  I’m happy that you’ve made the decision for the right reasons and in the morning, we’ll talk more about how you arrived at that decision.   But right now, I want to take you to bed and hold you until morning.” </span> <br/></p><p>
  <span>Chapter 15, Bloody Nightmares, available in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase, immediately follows on from the chapter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. 28.1 Missy's Caring Side Shows, 28.2 Missy's Tears, 28.3 Reminiscing,  28.4 Tom Learns of Fanfic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>28.1 MISSY'S CARING SIDE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Rolling over, I snuggled against his chest, the smattering of chest hairs tickling my nose.   </p><p>“Did you sleep well in the end?” I asked.  “No more dreams?” </p><p>“No more dreams,” he said.  “Can’t say I had the greatest sleep but I’ll be ok.  How’s your leg and butt?” </p><p>“They’re fine.  I told you last night they were fine.” </p><p>"I don’t feel like doing a damn thing today,” Tom said.  “Is it wrong of me to want to lie here all day just like this?” </p><p>“Not at all.  You had a hell of a fright last night, didn’t sleep well and are probably still feeling a bit anxious about everything.” </p><p>“Now that I can think coherently, have felt your warm body in my arms, and have reassured myself it was all just a dream, I need to know - did you say you’ve reached a decision and want to have the fertility testing done but you’re still not sure about having kids?” </p><p>“I did say that, yes.  I honestly don’t know about kids; I’m trying to be as truthful as I can with you.  I still worry about looking after<em>  me </em> sometimes and wonder how I’d cope.  I love that we can just pick up and do whatever we want and I know all of that would change.  I look at Chris and Elsa and all the organising it takes to go anywhere, do anything and I think it just all seems like such a hassle but then I see them with the kids and how much love there is and how happy they all are and a little part of me gets jealous and wants to have that too.  I have no doubt in my mind that you’d be a brilliant father, I just worry about what kind of mother I'd be.  I want the testing done, want to find out if it’s possible to fall pregnant for starters, then find out if whatever the hell he did to my insides has messed me up too much to be able to carry a baby. </p><p>“Don’t think about it,” he said, holding me tight.  “And for the record, I think you’d be a fantastic mother – unconventional without a doubt, but fantastic nonetheless.  What made you decide you wanted to go ahead with it?” </p><p>“Yesterday,” I answered. </p><p>“What about yesterday?” </p><p>“When we were talking about your mum getting down and dirty and how you...” </p><p>“Yes, I remember that bit, we don’t need to go there again.  Thank you.” </p><p>Laughing at him as he fought to blank out the visual he was obviously having, I said, “It was when I asked if you thought our kids would be embarrassed.  I guess I want to know if it’s possible to have any kids<em>  to </em> embarrass.  I’ll only do it if you’re 100% on board with it though.  It has to be a joint decision from here on in as to what we do, because if we do end up becoming parents, it’s going to be both of us raising him or her so we should both have a say from now.” </p><p>“I’m with you all the way but I still stand by what I said, that it’s ultimately your decision because it’s your body.  Now, as you were kind enough to indulge me my rather odd request last night when I asked you to have a bath, I feel it only fair that I make you a coffee.” </p><p>“I think you should stay right where you are and let me make the coffee.  You had a rough night, just stay here and chill.  You can video call me if you feel the need to, just so you know I’m ok all the way out there in the kitchen,” I chuckled. </p><p>“Don’t start,” he laughed.  “I think I’ll be ok without seeing you for a couple of minutes.  Are you sure you don’t mind doing it?  I’d be happy to get up and do it.” </p><p>“No, it’s ok.  I have to ring dad anyway, so I can get that over and done with while I make the coffee and feed the boys.” </p><p>Heading to the kitchen, I put the coffee on and played with the boys while I got their breakfast ready.  “How would you feel about a human brother or sister hmmm?  Would you like it or do you think it might be a bit much?”  Saying those words made me look at Paddy and realise that at eleven and half, realistically he wouldn’t have a lot of time to meet a human sibling, if he ever did.  By the time I had the tests done, results were in and then<em>  if </em> I was lucky and I was to fall pregnant right away, we were probably still going to be looking at 18 months.   </p><p>18 months! Wow!  That sat me back some.  And that was if everything went well.  18 months!  We don’t have time to wait.  It needs to be done now.  “Tom?” I called out, heading towards the hallway when my phone rang.  Dad. </p><p>“Hi Dad, I was just about to return your call.  Sorry I didn’t get bac...” </p><p>“It’s your mother,” he said.  “Now, I need you to listen.” </p><p>“No.  If she thinks she can just get you to call and everything’s going to b...” </p><p>“Just shut up and listen.” </p><p>Wow!  I don’t remember my father, well stepfather really, but I don’t remember him ever speaking to me like that. </p><p>“Listening,” I snapped. </p><p>“I know you’re pissed off with your mother, and to be honest, I understand why you think she deserves it, but I’ve been a bit worried about her the last 6 months.  She’s just not been herself, repeating things, forgetting things.  She was upset that she’d forgotten about the shop by the way, but she did remember eventually.  Anyway, I’ve had her to the doctor but it looks like she’s in the early stages of dementia.” </p><p>“Um, I don’. Um. Is she, wha, um, wow.” </p><p>“She’s had a CT scan done but I think they want to do an MRI.  It explains a lot of things; why she’s been the way she has, why she has good days and bad days.  Anyway, I’ll leave you with it.  Just thought you’d like to know.” </p><p>And with that he hung up.  What the hell am I supposed to do with that?  I want to stay angry with her. Ok, so the dementia would explain the forgetfulness but what about just being a Grade A bitch most of my life.  Dementia.  My mother?  No.  She’s just a right royal pain in my ass.  That’s how she’s always been.  Dementia!  He can’t just ring off like that, I have questions and someone had better have some answers...In a minute.  I sat down on the floor in the kitchen as the news finally sunk in.  <em> Her </em> mother, my grandmother, had dementia.  Not to be selfish but let’s just focus on me for a minute, I’m already batshit crazy so where does that leave me in the future?  I need to ring Neil.  I need to talk to him.  I need to call dad back.  I need coffee, God do I need coffee...I need my husband.   </p><p>“Why are you on the floor?” he asked me as I looked up at the sound of his voice.  “Quite comforta....what’s wrong?” he said, worry in his voice. </p><p>“You’re supposed to be in bed and I just talked to Dad,” I said watching as he sat down beside me. </p><p>“I heard you call out to me.  And?” </p><p>“It looks like mum’s in the early stages of dementia.” </p><p>He sat quietly taking the news in then nodded.  “Guess we should probably go visit then.” </p><p>Looking at him like he’d suddenly sprouted three heads I exclaimed, “What the bloody hell for?” </p><p>“So you can see her, darling.   Not to put too fine a point on things, but you don’t know how fast she could deteriorate.  You’re not going to see her for a while remember.  Maybe you’d like to share your news with her?” </p><p>“What news?” I asked. </p><p>“About the fertility testing.” </p><p>“Ha!  She’s not going to give a bugger.  It’s me, not Natalie.  Babe, her mother had dementia, she has it.  Where does that leave me?  I’m already batshit crazy.  I’m kind of scared about what this might mean for me.  I want to go see Neil and talk to him and I don’t want to wait for the fertility testing.  I want to make an appointment as soon as possible and find out exactly what it’s all going to entail.  I don’t even remember the last time I had my period.  And to top it all off, I just remembered the tenants have moved out of my house and we need to go check it over, see what needs done before Savannah and Theresa move in.  I told you I’m running out of time.” </p><p>“Ok, first things first.  You are not batshit crazy.  You’re slightly eccentric, a little crazy, certainly unique but you’re not insane.  Now, with your mother,  what are they doing regarding testing?” </p><p>“I don’t know.  Dad told me then hung up, that was after he’d told me to shut up.” </p><p>“If he told you to shut up, he had good reason to.  I know your father and he wouldn’t have said that unless you deserved it.” </p><p>“Whose side are you on here Hiddleston?” I questioned. </p><p>“I’m not on anyone’s side.  I’m the impartial voice of reason,” he replied.  “Right, so let’s call your father and find out what’s going on regarding testing and diagnoses.  Once we know that, we’ll call Neil and make an appointment talk to him about your concerns and you can ask him about a referral to see the specialist, although you need to face up to the fact that you may not get in to see one before we go.  You can always see one in the UK you now, we do have doctors over there.  Once we find out when you can see Neil, we can schedule a trip to your house around it.  Calm down, there’s plenty of time.  Have you had coffee yet?” </p><p>“What? No.  I was about to make it and I was going to cook you breakfast and bring it in for you when everything turned to shit and I want to go back to bed, pretend none of this has happened and start over.” </p><p>“Call your father.  I’ll finish the coffee and I’m not worrying about breakfast for now.” </p><p>While Tom made coffee, I called my father and spoke to him about what was going on.  The doctor had noticed a change in mum and spoke to dad about it recommending she have the CT scan which she did.  It showed some changes to her brain, but was inconclusive so they wanted her to have the MRI done.  Asking if it was possible that it was nothing as the CT scan was inconclusive, dad said he didn’t think so and then made a point of saying that everyone had noticed how much she repeated herself and how she was becoming forgetful with certain things.  Her short-term memory wasn’t good but her long-term recall was fairly clear.  Chatting for another couple of minutes, I asked him to let me know when she had the MRI results and that we’d come up and see them soon. </p><p>Tom handed me a coffee, then took my hand, leading me over to the breakfast bar.  </p><p>“She’s had a lot of health issues all her life love, you know that.  She’s lucky to be here at all, so all things considered she’s done well to see you girls grow up and to live the life she has.” </p><p>“I know, and much as she’s a pain in my ass and I don’t always like her, I love her and I’m worried for her.” </p><p>Mum had polio when she was a kid and really shouldn’t have survived, but she’s a fighter (yes, that’s where I get it from) and stubborn as hell (that too) and when they told her she couldn’t do something, she basically said, get the hell out my way and watch while I do it. Yes, I’m my mother’s daughter...but I look like my bio father.  She overcame polio but was left with some pretty hideous disfigurements, she has hip dysplasia which affects her back, her spine is held in place with titanium rods and she’s held together with titanium bolts and screws.  She has no gallbladder, has pancreatitis, diabetes, cirrhosis of the liver (not from alcohol), had a hysterectomy when she was in her 40’s because of fibrous tissue growth, and suffers from migraines due to the pressure on her spinal column.  Looking at all that, it’s not surprising she’s a bitch really. </p><p>“She has to keep her wits about her long enough to see our child.  I’ll never forgive her if she doesn’t.” </p><p>Tom’s head shot up when I said that and I looked at him shocked. </p><p>“So, I guess that’s that then,” he said. </p><p>“Guess so,” I said as he held me tight and kissed me. “Looks like I’ve made a decision.” </p><p>
  
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  <strong>28.2 MISSY'S TEARS</strong>
</p><p>Settling her down with yet another coffee, we really need to work on cutting her down, I checked the time and realised we still had half an hour until the doctor’s surgery would be open.  </p><p>“When you’re finished your coffee, why don’t you go and get dressed, get yourself ready then we can call Neil and work ourselves out from there.  We might go to your house first then Neils on the way back.” </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said.  “I know you wanted to stay in bed and do nothing all day and here I am with yet another drama ruining your plans for the day.” </p><p>“You’re not ruining my plans.  Maybe we can plan on staying in bed all day tomorrow,” I said, but not really holding out much hope; we’re both far too energetic to stay in bed all day. </p><p>“You can stay home if you want.  It’s only a quick trip to Neil to talk about what it means if mum has got dementia and to see about the referral for the specialist. Oh damn,” she said. </p><p>“Oh damn what? And I want to come with you.  I want to find out what Neil says.” </p><p>“Specialist.  I’ve got my final check up with the orthopedic surgeon that I’d forgotten about.  I need a new referral for him too.” </p><p>“When’s that appointment?” I asked.  “I’d completely forgotten about that one.” </p><p>“Tomorrow morning 8.30.  I figured I’d be back at work when I made it, so made sure it was an early one.” </p><p>“What are you going to say to him about your knee.  I know Ngarra’s goop worked well but are you going to mention that it’s not been right?” </p><p>“Hell no.  I’m going to lie through my teeth, tell him it’s perfectly fine and hope that if I have any more trouble the grey goop continues to work.  I’m done with it.” </p><p>“I’m not sure that’s the best course of action.  Wouldn’t you be better off being honest about it?” </p><p>“If it feels like it does now when I go see him, I won’t have to lie. It’s perfectly fine,” she reasoned. </p><p>“I still think you should mention that you’ve had some trouble with it.” </p><p>“I might try calling Neil,” she said, changing the subject. </p><p>“You might want to think about your plans for the future.  You need to be in peak physical...”  she held her hand up to cut me off as she spoke to Jenny, Neil’s receptionist. </p><p>“Hi Jenny, Missy Hiddleston here.  Is there any chance I could get in and see Neil at some stage today?” </p><p>Looking at me she smiled then said into the phone, “That would be perfect.  Great.  Thanks Jenny, see you then.” </p><p>“I’m assuming he can see you.  What time?” I asked. </p><p>“As soon as you can throw some clothes on and get ready,” she replied. “She’s going to squeeze me in between patients.” </p><p>… </p><p>“Hi Jenny, how you doing?” she asked as we took seat. </p><p>“I’m good thanks Missy.  Hi Tom, how are you?” Jenny asked. </p><p>“Good thanks Jenny.  Did you enjoy the holiday break?  Have a good Christmas?” </p><p>“I did thanks.  And you guys?” </p><p>We didn’t get the chance to answer as Neil called us in before we could. </p><p>“What can I do for you?” he asked. </p><p>“I need a referral for the ortho, final checkup tomorrow and it’s been over 6 months.  Mum has a possible diagnosis of dementia and, as my grandmother also had it, I want to know what that means for me and,” she paused her, reached for my hand and squeezed it, none of which went unnoticed by Neil who raised an eyebrow.  “I want to see a fertility specialist.  Tom and I’ve discussed it and we want to find out what my chances are of falling pregnant and being able to carry a child to term.” </p><p>“Right,” said Neil. “First things first.  I can electronically send the ortho referral for you, just give me a minute.”  </p><p>We sat quietly as Neil muttered to himself while he typed on the keyboard. </p><p>“Right, there we go.  Referral done.  Now, your mother.  What’s going on with her?” </p><p>She explained what her father had told her, and about her grandmother.  Neil asked a few more questions which she answered as best she could. </p><p>“Most forms of dementia aren’t hereditary; genetics have nothing to do with it. It’s just one of those things.  Once you’ve got the diagnosis, find out what they’ve said about it and come back to see me but in all honesty, you’ve got as much chance as anyone else does.  It’s just one of those things unfortunately.” </p><p>“So my mental health issues won’t make it more likely?” she asked. </p><p>“There is a slightly higher risk of dementia in later life, after 65, if you suffer a mental illness but to be honest, you’d have as much chance of getting it as I do.  Now, fertility specialist?” </p><p>“We’ve talked it over,” I said, then she cut in, “we just want to find out whether it’s a possibility.” </p><p>“Just give me a minute to have a look at your records,” Neil said.  A minute later, eyes scanning the screen, Neil made a few notes on a piece of paper then exited her records.  “Are you having regular periods yet?” </p><p>“If you call regular twice a year, then yes, I’m having periods regularly,” she answered. </p><p>“Not what I meant,” Neil said. </p><p>“I know,” she answered.  “I was being a smart ass.” </p><p>“When was your last period?” Neil asked. </p><p>She looked at me, I looked at her and we both shrugged.  “It’s been a while.  I haven’t had one since before our engagement. That was....” a quick calculation on fingers and a small discussion about time frames, “...5 months ago, so it has to be around 6 months, I guess.  Should be due again soon if my calculations are right.  In saying that, I can go for up to a year so...” she trailed off. </p><p>“I’ll give you the referral but it could take a month or so to get in ok, so be prepared to wait.  In the meantime, chart any changes you notice; any bleeding, mood swings, sore breasts, increased libido, that type of thing.” </p><p>“We’re headed to the UK in the next couple of weeks.  I’m not sure how long Tom will be there but I’ll probably be back after 6 weeks so I’ll try for an appointment around that time.” </p><p>“You could always see someone in the UK.  They have some really good doctors,” Neil said. </p><p>“Thanks for your time Neil,” she said standing up.  Discussion over. </p><p>“We appreciate it Neil.  Thank you,” I said. </p><p>Outside in the car, she seemed defeated, shoulders slumped, fingers plucking at imaginary fluff, head hanging just that little bit.  “It’s going to be hopeless isn’t it?” she asked.  “I don’t even get a regular period so we’re screwed from the get go.” </p><p>Touching her shoulder, I said, “Listen.  If you’re going to go in with a defeatist attitude, I’m not doing it.  If you’re going to let ever minor set back get to you, I’m not doing it.  If you’re going to obsess over every tiny detail, I’m not doing it.  I’m not losing you and I don’t want you to lose yourself.  I thought we agreed, if it happens, it happens.  I still stand by that.  It’s not hopeless until we’ve been told it’s hopeless.  Now, do you want to go home and get changed or head straight to your house?” </p><p>“Head home first, have a coffee, get changed, then go,” she said. </p><p>“And you might want to consider drastically reducing your coffee intake if you want to have a baby too,” I told her, not brave enough to look at her face. </p><p>… </p><p>Coffee made, she sat down and dragged her laptop over and started looking at something, no idea what, but she was quite excited about whatever it was.   </p><p>“Oh awesome,” she said as she took a mouthful of her coffee.   </p><p>“What’s awesome?” I asked. </p><p>“Story update,” she answered already lost to me and immersed in the words on the screen. </p><p>“I’ll just be out the back playing fetch with the boys.  Come get me when you’re done and we’ll head to your house and check it out.  Try not to be too long, I’d like to just chill out this afternoon if we can.” </p><p>“K” was the only answer I got as I opened the back door. </p><p>I’d been outside for no more than 5 minutes when I looked up and saw her fling the back door open and start running across the yard towards me and I could see she was sobbing.  She wasn’t slowing down, and as I was about to ask her what was wrong, she launched herself at me, wrapping herself around me and sobbing against my neck. </p><p>“Jesus love,” I said as I staggered with the force of her throwing herself at me.  “What’s wrong?” I asked, genuinely concerned.   </p><p>Making my way to the bench seat in the entertainment area, hands under her bum while I carried her, I sat down and rubbed her back.  “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?  Shhhhh, I'm here it’s ok.  Hey little one, what’s wrong, tell me?”  </p><p>Lifting her head just the slightest bit she managed to get out, “He dieddddddddd,” before a fresh wave of tears started.   </p><p>“Who died?” I asked, suddenly concerned.  “Darling, who died?” </p><p>“M-M-Ma-Magnusssss.” </p><p>Thinking to myself, ‘Magnus?  Huh?  Not following here sorry.  Who’s Magnus.  We don’t know a Mag...oh, hang on.’ </p><p>“Magnus?” I asked.  </p><p>Nodding against my shoulder she said, “He took all the pills and Kurt found him in the morning and he left a note, he was too broken.” </p><p>Magnus and Kurt?  So we’re talking Wallander here.  She was reading a story, this is starting to add up. </p><p>“Can you talk yet?” I asked now that the sobs had subsided. </p><p>“Sorry,” she sniffled, tears still streaming down her face.  “I befriended a writer online and she writes fanfic – don't look at me like that – anyway, she wrote a story about Magnus and Kurt and Magnus got broken and, and....” </p><p>Oh God, here we go again.  “Shhh, it’s ok.  It’s just a story.”  Ok poor choice of words, her head shot up and she glared at me.  “Do you have any idea how it feels to get so attached to a character that it feels like your heart gets ripped out of your chest and trample....oh, yeah, I guess you do,” she finished when she saw the look on my face as I held my fingers up to my head like horns.  “Yeah, ok, I’ll give you that.” </p><p>“You ok now?” I asked. </p><p>“No,” she said.  “I feel like you just died.  Every time I read more of the story I had this image of you with your blond curls and a soft black cardigan on, and some of the looks that passed between you and Ken in the show make the story quite believable.” </p><p>“Come on, let’s get you freshened up,” I said, holding her hand as we walked back inside.  “Go wash your face, take a few minutes.  I’ll wait in the living room for you.” </p><p>Sitting down, I noticed her laptop open to the story she’d been reading.  Submission by Spooky1980. Tapping the chapter index, I went to chapter 1, no harm in having quick look while she freshens up – right?  </p><p>
  
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  <strong>28.3 REMINISCING</strong>
</p><p>Wow, didn’t expect to feel that way about a fictional character...even if it is one that my husband played.  I couldn’t get that damn thought out of my head; my husband, those blond curls, that stupid black cardigan. I know that cardigan intimately having worn it a few times myself.  I remember watching Wallander, and some of the looks that passed between Tom and Ken could have been construed as feelings there.  Both of them would laugh about it I'm sure, but I suppose it’s different for them; they’re on the inside looking out whereas we’re on the outside looking in.  That was before Tom and I were together, seems like a lifetime ago now.  I just got so attached to these characters in the story, they were friends...and now one of them, was gone.   </p><p>Anyway, that story really got me.  I’ve been following from the time the first chapter was posted, and I guess knowing both Tom (duh) and Ken, it felt so real.  I know these people, so I had a lot invested in this story.  Loved every bit of it, but the ending was just...wow!  Face washed, tears dried, makeup applied to hide the blotchy red eyes and I’m about ready to face Tom again.  We really need to get over to my house, see what state the tenants have left it in and see what needs done before Savannah and Theresa move in.  I was giving serious consideration to renovating the bathroom but I’ll see what Tom thinks when we get there. </p><p>Walking out of the bedroom and down the hallway, I managed to fall over my own feet and stumbled into the living room.  I could have sworn I saw him with my laptop when I first started stumbling but by the time I’d righted myself, he was sitting smirking at me with his arms folded and the laptop was closed on the coffee table.   </p><p>“You right there?” he asked with a chuckle. </p><p>“Yeah, just thought I’d fall for you all over again,” I quipped.  “You ready to go or should I go on my own?” </p><p>“No, I’m ready,” he said. “And feel free to fall for me anytime you want.” </p><p>Telling the boys we’d be back in a couple of hours, we argued over who should drive and which car.  My argument was for him to drive because my eyes were sore from crying but he argued I should drive as it would stop me thinking about the story because I’d have to concentrate on the road.  Scissors, paper, rock...and I’m driving.  I felt like I was talking to myself as he spent most of his time on his phone. </p><p>“What you doing?” I asked. </p><p>“Nothing really,” he replied.  “Wasting time.” </p><p>Tom wasting time?  Never happens.  Something’s not right. </p><p>… </p><p>Opening the door to my house, we stepped through, unsure what to expect.  Whilst the tenants seemed fantastic, you really just never know.  We were very pleasantly surprised when we walked in and found the house absolutely spotless.   </p><p>“Come and check the bathroom out,” I said to him.  “I was thinking of maybe renovating it before the girls move in.” </p><p>Walking through the house, I couldn’t help but smile as memories came flooding back.   </p><p>“Remember the couch used to be there,” he said.  “We used to sit and read to each other.” </p><p>“Yeah, I remember.  And remember when you used to sneak in the back door under cover of darkness so no one knew you were visiting?” </p><p>“And when we pretty much holed up for six weeks, only leaving when we absolutely had to?” </p><p>Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, I looked around. It was a little old but there were so many fond memories here. </p><p>“Do you remember the first time I came over all banged up from filming and you insisted I get in a hot bath then you massaged me?”  </p><p>“Yeah, that massage didn’t last long before you decided to drag me in fully clothed.” </p><p>“I don’t recall you doing too much complaining,” he laughed. </p><p>“Have I ever?” I asked. </p><p>“Not really, no.  Lot of memories here,” he said.  </p><p>“I’ll never get rid of this house,” I told him.  “I can’t.” </p><p>“I don’t know that I’m ready for you to renovate the bathroom either. There’s nothing wrong with it really.” </p><p>“Maybe we should get the girls to come over and have a look and see what they think, after all it’s going to be them living here.” </p><p>Walking back through the house, we checked the spare bedrooms and found them to be in perfect condition. Next was the main bedroom and we stood in the middle of it, each of us caught up in our own memories.  Squeezing my hand then putting his arm out to put me in a head lock, he laughed as I tried to tickle him. </p><p>“Some good times in here,” I said when he finally let me go.  </p><p>Holding hands, we went back out to the living room.  It seemed so small compared to where we live now but the memories contained within were huge. </p><p>“Remember the day I followed you home?  You refused to go out and have a coffee with me so I followed you home so I knew where to come for coffee after work that night?  We danced in this room.” </p><p>“I remember,” I said as he put the same music on his phone and took me in his arms to dance.   </p><p>“If I remember correctly, and I have a fantastic memory, I started making love to you for the first time, in this very room doing this very thing.” </p><p>“You certainly did” I answered.  “I miss this house in so many ways.” </p><p>Walking into the kitchen we both stopped and looked at the same spot.   </p><p>“I guess they can’t all be good memories,” he said.  “I still struggle with the fact that I tried to hurt you.” </p><p>“But you didn’t.  We made a huge discovery that night and, to be honest, I’m not sure we would have survived the way we have if it wasn’t for that so it wasn’t all bad.  That was the night you came up with Pineapples as our safe word.” </p><p>“And you’ve still never used it.”   </p><p>“We’ve sure as hell come a long way, haven’t we?” I asked. </p><p>“We have, and we’ve got so much more to come.  Are you done here my love or do you want to stay on?” </p><p>“No, I’m done.  I just want to have a look around outside if you don’t mind.” </p><p>“Take your time, I’ll just sit in the car and wait,” he said pulling his phone out. </p><p>10 minutes later I headed to the car and opened the door to find Tom completely focused on his phone, “Unlike you to be so focused on your phone.  What’s so interesting?” I asked. </p><p>“Oh, um, I was err, I was just reading an article,” he stammered. </p><p>“On what?” I asked genuinely curious. </p><p>“Nothing important.  We ready?” he asked. </p><p>“Sure,” I answered, thinking to myself that for something that wasn’t terribly important, he was pretty focused. </p><p>… </p><p>Back at home, he excused himself saying he had some stuff to do in the office and he’d be there if I wanted him.  Kind of odd that he hadn’t mentioned it before.  Making tea, I took a cup to the office for him but he wasn’t there.  Obviously, he was coming back as he’d left the laptop on and his phone was on the desk.  Placing the tea on the table for him, I was about to walk out when I just happened to notice the screen on the laptop.   </p><p>Sitting waiting for him, I sipped my coffee as I had a quick look over the words on the screen.  Hearing his footsteps, I looked up at the door and laughed out loud when I saw the look on his face. </p><p>“What are you doing?” he asked trying to appear nonchalant. </p><p>“Bringing you tea,” I said, face not giving anything away. </p><p>“Oh. Thank you.  I could have come out,” he said moving around to stand near the chair where he could see the screen. </p><p>“How’s the work coming along,” I asked. </p><p>“Let’s not do this ok. You know I’m reading that story, obviously you’ve seen the screen.  Yes, it’s good, although I do find it quite disconcerting to read about myself like that.  The first... the first time we, no not we, they, it’s they ...the first time <em>  they </em> ...well anyway, you know; I was like ‘whoa hold up, what now?’  and couldn’t read it, but then I couldn’t  <em> not </em> read it.  You’d have laughed if you’d seen me because I was reading it with one hand over my eyes, reading through the cracks, doing this,” he showed me the face he was pulling, something similar to the face he pulled in the Insta live with Josie, you know the one, eyebrows raised, mouth in an ‘O’ shape. “Once I substituted different faces on the characters and gave them different names, I've been fine and I’m really enjoying it.  Still can’t picture Ken and I...” </p><p>“Well, I’ll leave you to it.  You know where to find me when you need a shoulder to cry on.” </p><p>“I won’t need it; I know how it ends remember.” </p><p>“You know where I am.” </p><p>I was going to lay on the couch and read but decided I’d rather go lay on our bed.  Making myself comfortable, I opened the Stephen King novel I’d been reading and became completely lost in the story. </p><p>“Where are you?” I heard him call out. </p><p>Smiling to myself at the sound of his voice, thick with emotion, I called out, “In the bedroom.”  </p><p>Next minute he’s come into the bedroom, tears streaming down his face, lay down beside me and buried his head in my hair. </p><p>“You ok?” I asked.  “Got to you didn’t it?” </p><p>“Yeah, I knew how it was going to end obviously because of you this morning but, wow.  Everything he went through, it just...yeah. Still really emotional.” </p><p>“And <em> you </em> substituted faces for yours.  I saw you and Ken through the whole thing.  Well, not you but...you as Magnus, if that makes any sense.” </p><p>“I know what you mean.  Doesn’t it weird you out to think of me and Ken,” he trailed off here seemingly uncertain how to continue, “me and Ken...” </p><p>“Like that?” I asked.  “No, not at all because it’s Magnus and Kurt not Tom and Ken.  You ok?” </p><p>“I’m fine.  Just a bit emotional at the moment with the dream then visiting your house and now the story.  I feel like I’ve been through the wringer emotionally.” </p><p>“Then how about I challenge you to a game of pool and give you something else to weep about when I beat your ass?” </p><p>“Rather cocky of you Mrs. Hiddleston.” </p><p>“Confident, not cocky,” I said. </p><p>“Ok, you’re on.  How many you want to play?” </p><p>“Best of three. Loser has to cook dinner and load the dishwasher.  Winner gets to choose tonight's activity...which, I’ll warn you is going to be a viewing of The Avengers.” </p><p>“No, I think Heat is a better option.” </p><p>“Rack ‘em up baby and be prepared to get your ass handed to you on a platter.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>28.4 TOM LEARNS OF FANFIC</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ok my love?” she asked me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” I replied.  “As I said, it’s just been a bit of an emotional time of late.  I wasn’t expecting to be so engrossed in that story, fanfic was it you called it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did try to warn you,” she said.  “I’m still a bit teary about it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember the first time you watched The Hollow Crown?” I asked her.  “You were inconsolable”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Coriolanus too</span>
  <span>,” she</span>
  <span> said.  “Although you were a bastard in that, you still didn’t deserve it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Still makes me chuckle that you get upset watching them even though I’m sitting right beside you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well the next time I read that story, you sit beside me and hold my hand.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m actually quite surprised that you managed to read it given some of the subject matter,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I had to skip a couple of bits but I’m hoping next time I’ll be able to read it all.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me more about this fanfiction thing,” I said.  “What is it?  How does it work?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“People write about things they’re fans of.  There are stories about you, RDJ, the Chris’s, Star Wars, anime – pretty much whatever you can think of, there’s a fandom and fiction for it.  Some of the stories are a page long, some are hundreds of thousands of words long.  Some of the authors are better than published ones I’ve read, and some of the stories read like they’re written by 11 year olds.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And what do they write about?” I asked intrigued.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever they want.  Pairings they would have liked to see but didn’t.  Rewriting endings to suit themselves if they weren’t happy with the official ending.  There was one I read about Loki in Valhalla after he was killed by Thanos, and how he was excited because he knew he’d get to see Sigyn.  There are stories written about you as you, as well as your characters.  Stories about Loki and Thor, Loki and Scarlett Witch...anything and everything.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki and Thor?” I asked.  “Do they get along?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, well, yes, I guess you could say that,” she said.  “Here, look.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Opening a page on her phone, she brought up the website I’d been reading on before.  Searching for a few seconds, she tapped the screen then turned it to me. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you go,” she said.  “It’s what’s called a one shot.  A very short story.  You were concerned about you and Ken, have a read of that,” she said, smirking as she watched my face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking the phone from her, I was a bit curious as to what people wrote.  I found it flattering that people would </span>
  <span>wri</span>
  <span>......holy hell!!  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Turning to her with my mouth hanging open, I said, “have you read this?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” she laughed.  “Like I said, you were worried about Magnus and Kurt. Pretty tame compared to </span>
  <span>Thorki</span>
  <span> don’t you think?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Thorki</span>
  <span>?  That’s a thing?” I sputtered, still trying to erase the visual image I’d </span>
  <span>conjured</span>
  <span> in my head.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure is,” she said racking the balls.  “Now, who’s going to break?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can if you want,” I answered.  “I don’t think I should look at anymore of those stories.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at Ken or Chris is quite the same way.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll break,” she nodded.  “And to be honest, I’ve only shown you some of the tamer stories.  By the way, what are you going to cook me for dinner?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Say what now?  Tame?  Those?  And don’t get too cocky,” I told her.  “I’d hate to say I told you so.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not cocky.  Confident.  Big difference. And yes, some of them are...indescribable.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sound cocky to me,” I chuckled.  “So, tell me; do you read that stuff.  That fanfiction?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a lot.  Some of it I do because it’s really good.  Sometimes I do it just for a laugh reading about the way people view you.  Most people seem to feel you’re a saint and can do no wrong.  Loki, on the other hand...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lining up the shot, she broke, sending balls flying across the table, but sinking none.  “Loki is </span>
  <span>often</span>
  <span> written as a very naughty boy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I can only begin to imagine after seeing that,” I said, pointing to the phone.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up, I caught the </span>
  <span>self-satisfied</span>
  <span> little nod she gave herself as she looked at the table, then I took some time to look around and see what she’d managed to do. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on hot shot,” she goaded.  “Clear the table. I can see at least two perfectly set up shots there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t rush me woman,” I said over my shoulder.  “I like to take my time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, I know,” she said giving me a wink when I looked up at her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I took the shot and missed.  “Your fault for that wink,” I said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Missing that shot turned out to be a huge mistake.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear,” she said. “Best start thinking about what you’re going to cook.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Settle down.  I missed one shot and we’re the best of three remember?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be over in two,” she said as she took her shot.  In went the ball, and the next and before I knew </span>
  <span>it,</span>
  <span> I was watching her sink the black and the game was over.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell just happened?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I won,” she said deadpan, standing with the cue over her shoulder.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Yes</span>
  <span> you did, but wow!  I didn’t even get a look in.  I’ll get you in the next one.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to break or do you want me to?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll break,” I said with a smirk.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I already know what you’re going to do,” she said with a laugh.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, do you now?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.  You’re going to be a smartass and just tap the damn thing.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Like this?” I asked, softly tapping the white ball so that it just broke the racked balls.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you’d do it,” she laughed.  “Ok, move out the way.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lining up the shot she scattered the balls around the table, almost sinking one but it popped out at the last second.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling as she shook her head and rolled her eyes, I lined up the shot and sunk four balls one after the other.  I almost got the 5</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> but it hit the cushion just before it should have gone in the hole.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think steak, mushrooms and mash sounds good,” she said.  “You can cook that can’t you babe?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t sunk a ball yet.  I think you’re getting just a little ahead of yourself.  You got lucky first game.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Luck had nothing to do with it,” she said as she proceeded to </span>
  <span>sink ball</span>
  <span> after ball after ball until she was down to the black.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Medium rare for the steak?” I asked as she lined up the shot and sunk the black.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she answered as she put the cue in the rack and </span>
  <span>re-boxed</span>
  <span> the balls.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking my head, I said, “have you been practicing in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep or something?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, apparently I just got lucky,” she smiled as she walked out of the room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lucky my ass, she’s had to have been sneaking in practice somehow, although I have no idea when as we’ve spent almost every waking minute together for the last 4 weeks.  I know she used to be good but it’s been a while since she’s played.  Who knows, maybe she did just get lucky, whatever it was, it looked like I was doing the cooking tonight.  Not that I mind, and would have done so happily had she said she wanted me to.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve changed my mind,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What a surprise,” I answered. “About what this time?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you suggesting I’m indecisive?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all darling. What I’m saying is that you used to be indecisive, now you’re just not sure.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and went to say something, then I saw her eyes narrow as I started to laugh.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she said.  “That’s the same damn thing.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you changed your mind about?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The movie.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to watch one or you’ve changed your mind about the one you want to watch?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Changed my mind about what I want to watch.  Not Avengers.  I thought we might watch Much Ado or Romeo and Juliet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Which version?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Romeo and Juliet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Baz Luhrman’s one.  I really like it.  Which would you prefer to watch?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I like that one too.” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I meant which play.  Sorry, movie.  Much Ado or Romeo and Juliet?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“After reading that story with Ken and I in it, I think I’ll go for Romeo and Juliet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Romeo and </span>
  <span>Juliet</span>
  <span> it is,” she said.  “I’ll just go get pillows and blankets.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling it’s </span>
  <span>the middle</span>
  <span> of summer, why in the name of hell do you want a blanket?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.  I just like to snuggle and feel cozy when I watch a movie.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Might I suggest we just watch it in bed rather than bring half the bed out here?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Bit early for bed yet, isn’t it?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling to myself, I was thinking that it’s never too early.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she laughed. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“After those stories you showed me?  You’re kidding right?” I answered.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> my love, those ones are very tame.  You’d honestly be shocked at some of the stuff that’s written.  I guess it makes more sense to watch in bed rather than drag everything out here.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Easier to snuggle in bed,” I mentioned knowing she’d go for that idea.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s true, and it’s a lot more comfortable.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve just remembered something,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and what’s that?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember reading something that you wrote.  I knew I’d seen that website before.  You left your laptop on the table open to something you’d written.  How much have you written?  I want to read it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>My request was responded to with a very firm and resounding, “No.”  </span>
  <span>Never mind</span>
  <span>, she’s back at work next week...and I have nothing better to do than track down what she’s written.  </span>
  <span>Shhh</span>
  <span>, don’t tell.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. 29.1 You Kiss By The Book, 29.2 Taking Some Time Out, 29.3 The Local Wildlife, 29.4 I Know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>29.1 YOU KISS BY THE BOOK</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Remember I’ve got my checkup first thing in the morning,” I reminded him.  “You don’t have to come.  I shouldn’t be too long.” </p><p>“What if I want to come?” he asked.  “What if I want to make sure you tell the surgeon that you’re still having issues?  What if I want to hear what he’s got to say?” </p><p>“Then you’re more than welcome to come along and hear him tell me that everything’s fine, I don’t have to go back and see him, and that the issues I’m having are perfectly normal.” </p><p>“But they’re obviously not normal.  You have days where you struggle with it, days it hurts, swells.” </p><p>“And I’ve usually done something that the doctor probably wouldn’t advise when it starts to play up.  It’s six months post op, and in that 6 months I’ve had 6 weeks non-weight bearing, so we’re down to four and a half months of use, 2 months of physical therapy takes us down to two and half months of something near normal use, I was told not to run but we know how that turned out, so that was a bit of a set back.  I honestly think it’s because I set myself a goal to be healed a little ahead of where the surgeon thinks I should be healed.” </p><p>“A little!  I seem to recall the physical therapist telling you healing is not a competition to see how fast you can go.  I’m not quite so convinced there’s not a problem and still have my doubts.  If you don’t want me to come I won’t,” he said. </p><p>“I don’t mind if you come.  I just honestly believe it’s normal.” </p><p>“We’ll have to agree to disagree.  Did you want to watch this movie or not?” he asked.   </p><p>“Yes, but I just want to have a shower first if that’s ok.” </p><p>“Did you want anything to drink? Snacks? Anything?” he asked. </p><p>“Good Lord no, no food.  Still so full from dinner, which was amazing by the way.” </p><p>“You’re welcome my lady,” he said kissing my hand. </p><p>“You going to go all Shakespeare on me because we’re watching it?” I laughed. </p><p>“Never know your luck,” he said with a wink.  “Now, get your butt in the shower so we can watch” </p><p>… </p><p>Showered, dogs fed, house locked up and snuggled up in bed, we started watching the movie.  I love Baz’s version of it and I know Tom likes it a lot too (even if I’m not a big fan of Leo’s but shhh, we won’t tell ok?) I love the music, the setting, everything, and I love the fish tank scene where they first make eye contact, the way they look at each other, the hint of a smile.   </p><p>“You’re smiling,” he said.  “I can feel your cheeks moving against my chest.” </p><p>“I love this scene,” I said. </p><p>“I know,” he replied then said, “If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this, my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.”  </p><p>Sitting up, I turned to him, <em> “Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.” </em> </p><p>Looking a little surprised, he said, “Have not saints lips, and hold palmers too?”  </p><p><em> “Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer,”  </em>I said, pushing him away as he tried to kiss me.   </p><p>“O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.” </p><p><em> “Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.”   </em> </p><p>“Then move not while my prayers’ effect I take.  Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purg’d.” </p><p>He kissed me, smiling as he did. </p><p><em> “Then have my lips the sin they have took.” </em> </p><p>“Sin from my lips?  O trespass sweetly, give me my sin again.” </p><p>I smiled as he kissed me again. </p><p><em> “You kiss by the book.” </em> </p><p>He laughed when I said the last bit then looked at me and said, “Do I really.  Well, we’ll have to see about that.” </p><p>“Not now we won’t, I’ll miss the movie.” </p><p>Pausing the movie, he booped my nose with his finger and said, “Since when could you quote Shakespeare?” </p><p>“Since a long time.  I told you on our wedding day that it’s impossible not to learn Shakespeare living with you.  Just goes to show how much attention you pay to what I read doesn’t it? And thank you.” </p><p>“For what?”  </p><p>“For that.  It was fun.  It’s one of my favourite scenes in the entire movie and stop looking at me like that.” </p><p>“What else do you know?”  </p><p>“I don’t know.  It just comes to me.  I can’t recite it the way you do.  I hear something and it reminds me of a quote and then I remember bits and pieces.  Anyway, no big deal.  Put the movie back on.” </p><p>Snuggling down again, it was coming up to the balcony scene and I laughed and said, “No, we’re not.  Just let me watch it.” </p><p>“But soft! What light...” </p><p>“Seriously?  Can you not?” </p><p>“Says she who’s always begging me to read Shakespeare to her,” he laughed. </p><p>“Yes, but there’s no movie on then.” </p><p>“Ok, I’m sorry,” he said.  “through yonder window breaks...sorry love, couldn’t resist.” </p><p>“You done?” I asked. </p><p>“I think so,” he replied. </p><p>We got through the rest of the movie with minimal quoting from him but it was probably a poor choice of movie for us to watch, given Tom’s recent nightmare that he was still struggling with. </p><p>“Well, that kinda sucked,” I said, sitting up and stretching, as the credits rolled.   </p><p>“I know.  Even though you know it’s coming, it still gets you.  And I kiss by the book, do I?” he asked with a grin, turning to look at me. </p><p>“Hmm, maybe you need to kiss me again so I can double check,” I said. </p><p>“With pleasure m’lady,” he said lowering his lips to mine.  He laced his fingers behind my head, hands cupping my jaw, thumbs brushing my cheeks as his lips moved on mine.  Thank God I was sitting down because I turned to mush.   </p><p>Lifting his head, he rubbed his nose on mine, then whispered against my ear, “So, by the book?” </p><p>Was he saying something?  I could feel his warm breath against my ear and sounds coming from his mouth but my brain was unable to process a rational thought as it demanded to be allowed to think about the way his lips had felt on mine.  </p><p>“I’m going to guess not,” he said, smug look on his face.   </p><p>“Meh, it wasn’t that good,” I said making him laugh loudly. </p><p>“Liar,” he accused.  “I know what that does to you.” </p><p>“Hmm, so if that’s the case.  I think you should do it again.” </p><p>“What do I get out of it?” he asked softly, lips hovering just above mine. </p><p>“The satisfaction of knowing you can still curl your wife’s toes after 10 years.” </p><p>“More than toes, but I’m happy with that,” he smiled. </p><p>… </p><p>“I haven’t got time to wait.  I won’t be too long babe,” I called out.  “See you when I get back.”  </p><p>“Nice try.  I’m ready.  Let’s go.” </p><p>Damn.  I was really hoping to get out of here without him.   </p><p>“Honestly, I can do it on my own.  I’ll even tell him it’s been a bit sore sometimes.” </p><p>“I’m good.  Right, let’s go,” he said.  “I’ll drive in case he pokes and prods your knee and makes it sore.” </p><p>20 minutes later sitting opposite the surgeon, he asked me how it had all been going. </p><p>“It’s fine,” I replied. </p><p>“Are you doing any type of exercise program?” he asked. </p><p>“Yes.  One I devised myself after my visits to the physical therapist.” </p><p>“And is it working well for you?” </p><p>“Seems to be.  It gives a bit of a twinge every so often.  Running is a bit of a problem at times and it can still swell up a bit after it.” </p><p>“Considering it’s only six months since the surgery, and given recovery times, I’d say you’re doing really well.  Hop up here for me so I can have a look,” he said, indicating the bed. </p><p>Taking my shoes and socks off, I sat on the bed.   </p><p>“Right, so let’s have a look here.  Scars have healed nicely.” </p><p>Picking my leg up, he poked it in various places, then bent it, pushed on it and twisted it. </p><p>“How’s that?” he asked. </p><p>“Fine,” I said shrugging.   </p><p>“I think it’s fine. There’s no side to side movement, it feels nice and tight when I manipulate it.  There was no pain when I did any of that?” </p><p>“No, none.”  I could see Tom out the corner of my eye and just had a feeling he’d say something so I said to the surgeon.  “We were away over Christmas and I did hurt it, I ran when I shouldn’t have and ended up with the local doctor making a visit. I hobbled about on crutches for a couple of days and ended up with this concoction from an Indigenous medicine man.  I’ve no idea what was in it, but it stunk to high heaven and gave a little tingle.  Twice a day for 5 days and I haven’t had an ounce of trouble since.”  Beat you to it Hiddleston, I thought to myself as I looked over at him. </p><p>“I don’t question it,” the surgeon said. “if it works for you, use it.  My advice would be to avoid running full stop and not jog on hard surfaces.  Take a jog around the park, on a treadmill, just not on the road or footpath.  Give it another 6 months and if you’ve had no more trouble with it and the swelling has stopped, you can try running.  You know what you’re doing, you know your limitations.  I’m really happy with it and don’t think I need to see you again for it.” </p><p>“Fantastic,” I said.  “Thanks so much for all you’ve done.” </p><p>… </p><p>“Go on then,” he said on the drive home. </p><p>“Go on what?” I asked. </p><p>“I told you so.  I know you’re itching to tell me that you knew it would be ok.” </p><p>Shrugging, I said, “Maybe one day you’ll trust me that I know my body.  Yes, I had a few issues but, as I said before, I tried to rush my recovery.” </p><p>“I guess we’ll have to start jogging around the park seeing as how you can’t go on the road.” </p><p>“Sounds rather boring.” </p><p>“Boring or not, it’s either the park or the treadmill.  And you can stop rolling your eyes at me.” </p><p>“Oh, fine.” </p><p>“So what do you want to do today?” </p><p>“Well, I did have something in mind and wanted it to be a surprise but you had to come along this morning and bugger it all up.” </p><p>“Oh.  Sorry.” </p><p>“And so you should be.  I need to go to the shop, you’re staying in the car, then we’re heading home to get changed and grab a couple of things, before we head out.  Don’t ask me where because I’m not telling you.” </p><p>“I love it when you think you can tell me what to do,” he laughed. </p><p>“Oh hush you, just sit in the damn car.  I’ll be back in a minute.” </p><p>“Yes ma’am.” </p><p>“Oh, and that site is called Archive of Our Own.  Just look up Thorki, should keep you amused for a while.” </p><p>
  
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  <strong>29.2 TAKING SOME TIME OUT</strong>
</p><p>I don’t know that I want to look up Thorki, not after what I saw from that brief look before.  I really want to find what she’s written.  I know she used to write a lot but I haven’t really seen her doing a lot of it lately.  I know we both write what’s become known as ‘the daily story’, and we both have a go at ‘the adult ones’, but I want to read some of her fiction.  The trouble is, I can’t remember what name she writes under.  I know I can access it through her laptop because she’s always logged in, but I’m on my phone so that’s not much help.  Do I dare look up Thorki?  I think I’m going to leave that for now.  What would she write?  I know I read one of hers before and I remember thinking it was quite good but I can’t remember what it was.  I know it was something she’d written about me.  I wonder...if I type my own name, God I feel like an idiot doing this, I wonder if I could find...hers.  And enter – don't mind me talking to myself here while I do this.  Bloody hell!  There’s over 8 500 entries.  Surely they can’t all be stories people have made up about me. </p><p>Hold on a minute, I’m curious now...L-O-K-I, enter.  You have got to be kidding me! More than 73 000 entries.  This is insane.  I heard the car door open but was so focused on what I was doing that it didn’t occur to me that she had no idea what the hell I was doing.   </p><p>Holding the phone out to her I said, “Have you seen this?  More to the point, can you believe this?” </p><p>I looked up to find her doubled over, holding onto the car door to keep herself upright, tears rolling down her face with laughter. </p><p>“What’s so damn funny?” I asked completely perplexed. </p><p>“The...loo...look on....your...fa...fa...face,” she finally managed to get out, wiping the tears from her face and holding her stomach. </p><p>Pointing to the phone, I said, “Have you seen this though?” </p><p>Pulling herself together, she got in the car and nodded.  “Did you look up Thorki?” </p><p>“I’m too scared to,” I told her.   </p><p>“What were you doing?  I told you to look up Thorki, why were you looking up Loki?” she asked me. “I’ve been standing watching you for a couple of minutes and your face was an absolute gem.  I wondered what you were looking at.” </p><p>“No reason really.  Curiosity I suppose.” </p><p>“Did you look up your name?” she asked looking over to me then grinning.  “You did, didn’t you?” </p><p>“I might have,” I replied. </p><p>She thought that was quite funny and was giggling as I started the car and headed home. </p><p>“You never google yourself, you’re not on socials, you ignore everything that’s said about you pretty much.  What were you doing looking up fanfic about yourself?” she asked after a few minutes. </p><p>“I wasn’t doing anything.  As I said, it was just curiosity.” </p><p>“Not buying it,” she said.  “You were trying to find mine, weren’t you?” </p><p>“I was curious about how many people write about...”  She was giving me a look that said she could see straight through me, “...yes, I was.  I know I’ve read it before, I remember seeing it when you left your laptop open on the table.  I thought I might read it again.” </p><p>“It’s in a file on my laptop.  I’ll email it to you.” </p><p>“Why can’t I just read it on the website?” </p><p>“Because I can just email it to you.  Makes it easier.  Anyway, let’s forget about all your wonderful fans writing about their undying love for you, and get changed so we can get going.  Wear jeans and a tshirt, take boardshorts and you’ll need a towel.” </p><p>“Where are we going?” </p><p>“You’ll find out when we get there.” </p><p>… </p><p>An hour and a half later, and I looked across to her, “Isn’t this the way to your friend Kate’s place?” </p><p>“Wow, good memory,” she said. “You’ve only been out here once and that’s quite a while ago.” </p><p>“I keep telling you I have a brilliant memory.” </p><p>Driving down an unpaved road, we entered the driveway of her friend’s place.  The stables and horse yards were a testament to the woman’s love of horses.  In addition to her stock horses, she rescued wild Brumbies marked for culling in one of the national parks down south.  She broke them in, then sold them on.   </p><p>We’d no sooner turned the engine off than Kate was pulling the door of the car open and almost climbing in, her excitement to see my wife was so high.   </p><p>“Come on, come on,” Kate said, laughing as they hugged.  “Oh, it’s so good to see you.  I wish you could get up here more.” </p><p>“The place looks amazing.  You’ve put more yards in.” </p><p>“They’ve been there for nearly two years.” </p><p>“I know I’m a terrible friend, but life just seems to get so bloody busy.” </p><p>“You’re forgiven.  Tom, hi,” Kate said giving me a quick hug.  </p><p>Standing at 5 feet tall and weighing 40 kilograms (about 88pounds), she was a tiny mass of muscle.  Wiry, never still and talks at a thousand miles an hour but with a heart the size of Australia.   </p><p>“I’ve got the horses saddled up and ready.  I’ll ride down with you and show you about, then you can ride back up.  You remember the way, don’t you?” Kate asked. </p><p>“Sure do,” she said. </p><p>“I’d bloody well hope so the amount of time you spent here,” Kate said. </p><p>Kate is one of her oldest friends and, after she’d finished treatment and therapy, Kate gave her a safe place to stay and heal when she managed to escape her abusive situation.  They have the kind of friendship where they may not see each other for a couple of years but when they do see each other, it’s like they were together yesterday.   </p><p>“Hope you don’t mind babe,” she said.  “But I thought we’d go horse riding down to the river, have a swim and a picnic - oh, that reminds me, food in the car – Kate's going to ride down with us so I can learn some more about country.” </p><p>Kate’s grandmother was an Indigenous woman who was from down south somewhere, I’m not entirely sure where from, but she taught Kate some ways of the bush, or ‘learning about country’, as they term it. </p><p>“When we get down the bottom just be aware that you’re in snake territory.  They usually hide in the shade during summer so you should be right,” Kate said.  “Pythons are fairly active at the moment.” </p><p>“How’s your girl?  I loved the photos of her.  Where is she?” </p><p>“You want to see her?” </p><p>I wasn’t so keen but I know my nutty wife adores the damn things so off we went in search of the snake.  Be a terrible shame if they can’t find it (yes, insert the sarcasm here).  Oh joy, they found it.  Oh good Lord, the damn thing’s huge. </p><p>“Oh look at you.  Aren’t you beautiful? Look babe, isn’t she gorgeous,” she said, holding the snake loosely in her hands as it slithered its way up her arm, tasting the air as it went.  “She’s grown so much Kate.” </p><p>“Yeah, she’s about 5 feet long now.  She’s a healthy girl, aren’t you sweetheart?” </p><p>Sweetheart? A snake? No, just no.  I don’t hate them, but I can’t say I’m a massive fan.   </p><p>“Tom, come hold her,” she said.  </p><p>Wonderful, just what I want...not.  I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t. </p><p>“Coming,” I said as I walked over to her.   </p><p>Kate unwrapped her and put her body in my hands.  She did feel lovely I must be honest.  Cool to the touch and feeling the way she moved was quite surprising.  So strong.   </p><p>We played with the snake for a couple of minutes then Kate took her and placed her across one of the beams on the veranda. </p><p>“Did you need to get stuff out the car?” she asked. </p><p>“Yeah, I’ve got a picnic packed and just our swimmer and towels,” Missy said. </p><p>“No problem.  I put the saddle packs on for you.  Figured you’d have your swimmers, although it should be fairly quiet given the kids are back at school and it’s midweek so you might be able to go skinny dipping if you want.” </p><p>“We’ll see,” she called over her shoulder as she got the stuff out of the car. </p><p>Heading to the stables, we put clothes and food in the saddle bags, mounted up and started on our way down to the river.  Kate had 20 acres, most of which she’d tried to leave as natural bushland apart from 2 acres on which the house, horse yards, and stables stood.  There was a big dam in the next paddock over with a row boat tethered to a tree at the edge.   </p><p>As we made our way down, Kate pointed out a gum tree that was dripping sap.   </p><p>“Gliders do that,” she said.  “Little buggers love the sap and, as the tree starts to heal itself and form a plug, they’ll knock the plug off to keep the sap flowing.  If you keep your eyes open and look up a bit as we’re riding down, you’ll quite possibly see a koala.  Because of the fires last year there’s not as many as there were, but we were fairly lucky and weren’t as badly affected as some.” </p><p>We could see how close the fire had come to Kate’s place, and on one side and at the back, the fire had come right up to the fence of the home paddock, but on the other side it was still all green.  It was the greenery we were riding through.   </p><p>“That one there,” Kate said pointing to a tree, “Sydney Golden Wattle, you can eat the seeds but if you scrunch the leaves up and wet them, you can use them as soap.” </p><p>Letting the horses find their way down, Kate pointed out a few different plants and a wombat hole. </p><p>“Tom,” Kate said.  “To your left.  Look.” </p><p>Turning my head, I saw a goanna running up a tree.  Fascinating creatures but those claws looked to me like they could do some damage.  “Quick aren’t they?” I noted, watching it scoot up the tree. </p><p>The horses seemed to know we were almost at the river and picked up the pace a bit making Kate laugh.  “Ok, I’ll leave you to it. You got your phone in case you need a hand to get back up?” </p><p>“I have but I think we’ll be ok.  If I’m correct, there should be tell-tale signs that we’ve been through recently...and I have a sneaky suspicion these guys would be able to find their way back with no help from us anyway.” </p><p>“I think you’d be right there,” Kate laughed.  “But give it a go and see if you can find your way back up.  Have fun guys and I’ll see you in a few hours.” </p><p>Making it down, we noticed that the river was down a little and there was soft sand we could ride along to get further down the river where it was a little wider and a little more secluded with rocks jutting out and trees lining the bank.   </p><p>“How about here?” I asked, looking around.  There was sand that we could sit on, trees we could tether the horses to that were close enough to the water that they’d be able to drink but still be shaded. </p><p>“Looks perfect,” she said dismounting and tethering her horse to the tree. </p><p>Stripping off her jeans, she grabbed the food and her towel from the saddle pack, while I stripped off my jeans and t-shirt and put the boardshorts on I’d brought with me. </p><p>“This is beautiful darling.  Thank you for planning it.” </p><p>“You’re welcome,” she said getting the sunscreen out and applying it to my back. “I thought it’d be nice to ride again, it’s been so long and I really enjoy it.” </p><p>“What land are we darling?” I asked. </p><p>“This is still Kate’s place.  Well, not the river, but down to it.” </p><p>“No, I meant what Nation?” </p><p>“Ohhh.  Darug Nation.  Big area.  Next along is Darkinjung, it encompasses the Central Coast and heads up towards  Worimi Nation.” </p><p>“So you’re still home?” I asked. </p><p>“I’m still on the land I grew up on, yes, but not ancestral home.” </p><p>“it has the same feel as your river,” I said. </p><p>“They meet further down that way,” she said pointing to the east.  “Should we eat then swim or swim then eat?” </p><p>“How about we eat and swim later?” I asked pulling her to me. </p><p>Chapter 16 Down By The River availabe in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind immediately follows on from this chapter</p><p>
  
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  <strong>29.3 THE LOCAL WILDLIFE</strong>
</p><p>The water was lovely and we decided a lazy swim was in order.  Not wanting to venture too far from the horses we did laps of a small section of the river before climbing out and putting our swimmers back on.  Nothing quite like skinny dipping to make you feel at one with nature.  We enjoyed the picnic she’d packed which was a small selection of cheese, cold meats and crusty bread followed by fresh fruit salad.   </p><p>Laying back on our towels, enjoying the peace and solitude, she started pointing out different clouds and what she thought they looked like. </p><p>Laughing at her little game, I asked, “Where’s the elephant?  There’s always a cloud looks like an elephant.” </p><p>“There,” she said, pointing to a cloud to our left.  “And there’s the rabbit you always see too.” </p><p>“Ah yes, I see it.  That one looks like a turtle,” I said pointing to a cloud that was quite rounded but had a long thin bit at the front. </p><p>“Yes, I see it,” she said.  “Koala.” </p><p>“Which one?” I asked looking at the clouds. </p><p>“No, not cloud.  Koala.  In the tree.  Look,” she told me pointing to the top of a tree just on the other side of the river.  “Do you see it?” </p><p>“i think so,” I replied.  “In the fork of the branches to the left of the main canopy.” </p><p>“Yeah, that’s it,” she said as we lay watching the gentle breeze move the leaves on the tree.   The koala sat in the fork of the tree with its back resting against the branch, and its back legs tucked up pressing against the branch in front of it, while one of its front legs was holding onto the branch, the other looked to be resting on its stomach.  “First one I’ve ever seen in the wild,” I told her. </p><p>“It’s always a thrill to see them,” she said.  “And look,” she pointed to an old tree trunk laying at the edge of the water just in front of us.  “Water dragon.  Isn’t he cute?” </p><p>“If you say so,” I said eyeing the reptile sunning itself on the log.   </p><p>“I guess we should think about heading back up before Kate comes down searching for us,” she said, not sounding at all keen on the idea of heading back. </p><p>Gathering up everything we brought down with us, including the rubbish, we packed the saddle bags, did a quick change from shorts to jeans, untethered the horses and hopped up into the saddles.   </p><p>“Do you think you can find your way back up?” I asked. </p><p>“I’m pretty confident I haven’t forgotten.  I know it’s been a long time, but I used to do this ride daily, sometimes twice a day if I was really jittery.  Sometimes Kate came along just to keep an eye on me, but most of the time I’d just come down on my own and sit by the river trying to come to terms with the idea of freedom.  I never thought I’d ever take freedom for granted again, but I...anyway,” she said giving herself a mental shake.  “Let’s go.” </p><p>Reigning my horse in, I took the few steps over to where she waited, “Are you ok?” I asked softly. </p><p>Smiling at me she nodded, “I’m fine. Sorry, didn’t mean to go back like that, the past I mean.” </p><p>“It’s fine my love.  It’s part of who you are.” </p><p>“Who I was,” she said leading the way into the bush.  “Not me anymore.”      </p><p>The horses were sure footed meaning we could relax a little and enjoy looking around.  Now, I’m not sure if any of you have been into the Australian bush, but let me tell you, they have some of the loudest, most odd sounding birds.   </p><p>“Listen,” she said. </p><p>“What am I listening for?” I asked. </p><p>“Shhh,” she said.  “Just listen.” </p><p>I’m happy to listen but I’ve no idea what I’m listening for, not that I’m about to say anything for fear of being shushed again. </p><p>“I can hear the kookaburra and I can hear the whip bird,” I said quietly.  “But what’s the other one?” </p><p>She stopped and signaled for me to come up beside her which I did, then she pointed to a fairly large bird with one of the most elaborate tails I’d seen on a bird, other than a peacock of course, and I watched in fascination as the bird laughed like a kookaburra, chortled like a magpie, then made the whip crack of a whipbird.   </p><p>“Beleck-Beleck, is the Indigenous name,” she said.  “Lyrebird. They have the ability to mimic the calls of other birds.  Quite often when you think you’re hearing a kookaburra, you’re actually hearing a lyrebird.” </p><p>“That’s amazing,” I said as we started moving again.  “I can’t believe it mimics the sound perfectly.  I think it’s my new favourite bird.” </p><p>“Now why doesn’t that surprise me?  A mimic loving a mimic.” </p><p>“Well, it is pretty amazing. You know it never ceases to amaze me how little we know about each other, but how much we know about each other.  I had no idea you knew Native names, had any idea where rock carvings and rock art were, yet here you are surprising me with the knowledge you have.” </p><p>“I learned a lot of it staying with Kate.  It was something to keep my mind off things.  Some of it I picked up in high school, I always found it fascinating, some of it is self taught.  Since I decided to explore and learn more about my heritage it’s like a door in my brain opened and I remember all the stuff I learned years ago.  The Darug word for kookaburra is ‘gugunagina’ and the word for koala is ‘gulamany’.  Wombat is easy, it’s ‘wumat or womat’.” </p><p>Before I knew it, we’d reached the back of the home paddock and, with the horses knowing they were home, they trotted over to the horse yards and stood still waiting for us to dismount.  Kate had obviously been keeping an eye out for us and came over with a big smile on her face. </p><p>“Enjoy yourselves?” she asked. </p><p>“Very much so.  Thank you for the loan of the horses,” I said. </p><p>“Anytime.” </p><p>Taking the saddle bags off, we unsaddled the horses, gave them a rub down then Kate turned them loose in the yards while we carried the saddles into the tack room, then came back for the rest of the gear.   </p><p>Following Kate over to the house, she insisted we stay for a coffee before reluctantly, letting us go.   </p><p>“Guys, please come up and visit.  The caravan is still there, still clean and functional.  I know it’s probably not what you’re used to these days...” </p><p>“Kate, it’s me for God’s sake,” she said.  “I haven’t changed.  Still happy to throw a swag on the ground and cook over the fire.  To be honest, I miss it all so much.” </p><p>“Well, like I said, you’re welcome here anytime.  You can camp by the river if you want.  Brett and I take Cara-lee down sometimes.   She loves it.” </p><p>We stayed for about an hour but then I tapped my watch letting her know we’d have to think about heading off.  The boys would be anxiously waiting for us, and to be fed, by the time we got home. </p><p>Hugs and kisses, promises of catching up soon and we were in the car headed home. </p><p>“What are you doing?” she asked, glancing across at me. </p><p>“Reading,” I said absently. </p><p>“Oh? You’re reading digital?  Not like you.  What are you reading?” she asked. </p><p>“You’ll laugh,” I told her.  </p><p>“I’ll try not to,” she said.  “Which one is it?” </p><p>“The one you told me about; where Loki finds Sigyn in Valhalla.” </p><p>“Oh, I love that one.  It’s only short but I loved it.  What do you think?” </p><p>“I think it’s nice that someone would want to give him closure, but I still want to read yours.” </p><p>“I told you, I’ll email the file to you.” </p><p>“No, I want to read what you don’t want me to see.” </p><p>“Not happening.  Honestly babe, I’m not that good at writing anyway so you’re really not missing much.  I only do it because I enjoy it, not because I’m a literary genius.” </p><p>“I’d still like to read it.” </p><p>“You want to put some music on?” she asked. </p><p>I’ll take it that the subject of her writing is now closed.  After putting the music on, I kept flicking through that bloody website she’d given me.  Truthfully, I don’t know why I kept looking at it because I honestly wasn’t that interested; maybe I thought hers would jump out at me, I really don’t know, but I couldn’t seem to stop looking through.  I’d read the first page of a couple of stories but the grammar and punctuation were like fingernails down a chalkboard and I abandoned them quickly.   </p><p>Vampire Loki, werewolf Loki, good guy Loki, bad guy Loki...the list was just endless.  I have to be honest, a lot of my curiosity stems from how people perceive me. Have they written me as anywhere near the person I am?  I did browse through a few about me, Tom, simply for that reason.  A couple held my interest for a few pages.  One I found quite enthralling, it was about Thor and Loki as children and a fairy child they found.  I had to finish that one as it drew me in. </p><p>I’d just poked my nose into another one, when we pulled up in the driveway.   </p><p>“Are you still reading that stuff?” she asked. </p><p>“Only because there wasn’t really much to do in the car.  Done now,” I said. </p><p>Grabbing our gear out of the car, we took it inside, put it away and I started making coffee when she said, “I’m just going to have a shower.” </p><p>“I’ll have the coffee ready for when you get out,” I said.  While she was gone, I picked up my phone and returned to the story I’d been reading.  About a guardian angel who’d come down to watch over me and prevent me from making a mistake with someone.  No idea who the someone was but the story was quite romantic and it was an extremely good description of the type of person I am, a couple of them had been but most were so far off the mark it was laughable. </p><p>Hearing her moving about in the room, I put my phone down, got the coffee ready and handed her a cup as she came into the kitchen.   </p><p>“I’m just going to go have a shower love.  I won’t be too long.” </p><p>“That’s ok, take your time.  I’m just going to read for a while.” </p><p>And that’s where I left her, sitting on the couch with a coffee and book.  It didn’t occur to me that she’d look at my phone. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>29.4 I KNOW</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’d just sat down with my coffee and was getting ready to read, when I remembered I’d forgotten to put more water in the dog’s water bowl.  Getting up, I filled a jug with water then tipped it into their bowl. Returning to the sink, I noticed I’d splashed water on Tom’s phone.  Putting the jug on the drainer, I got some kitchen towel and went to wipe the water off the screen when I saw he was on Archive or Our Own.  Chuckling to myself that for someone who wasn’t interested in reading about himself he seemed to be doing quite a bit of it, when I noticed what he was reading...and quietly freaked out.  Holy hell!  He’s reading my work, one of my stories.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>You might be wondering why it’s such a big deal to me that he not read it.  I wish I knew.  I really can’t explain it other than he’s so good at what he does.  He’s a brilliant actor and devotes so much time to what he does, immerses himself completely in researching a role and expects a lot of himself - a perfectionist when it comes to his craft.  I think a lot of my fear of him reading my work is that I don’t think it’s that good, I can see the mistakes and I don’t want him to read it and think it’s shit then lie to me about it and tell me it’s good when it’s not.  I’d rather him be honest about it, and I know he won’t for fear of hurting my feelings.  Damn him finding that bloody story.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing him moving about in the bedroom, I left his phone and went back to the couch, picked up my book, gulped down my now lukewarm coffee (yuk!) and started to read.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you gave the boys more water.  Good,” he said walking into the kitchen.  “I was just going to do it. I noticed before they needed some.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I remembered just as I went to drink my coffee.  I might grab another one actually, that last one was only lukewarm when I got to it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But I only just gave it to you when you went to sit down.  Shouldn’t have taken that long to get water for the boys then get back to it,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I splashed water and had to clean it up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded then looked at his phone on the benchtop, then looked across to me as I quickly returned my attention to my book.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good book?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Only just started it.  Seems ok so far.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to send me that file you said you would, the one with your story?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Um. Sure, if you want it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just going to get my laptop.  Did you want me to bring yours out too?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, sure.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He went to the office to bring both laptops out while I said a silent curse for the man being so damn curious.  It wasn’t going to take a genius to work out that the writing styles in the one he’s reading, and the one he’s asked for are quite similar. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you go,” he said, handing my laptop to me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” I said taking it.  “Just give me a minute and I’ll email it to you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He went to sit on the other couch saying he wanted to stretch out after riding today.  Sorry Hiddleston, not buying it for one second.  I knew what he was up to. I could almost guarantee he’s reading my story but he didn’t want me to see what he was doing.  I know it’s easier to read on the laptop than the phone and I wouldn’t question him being on his laptop, whereas I would question him being on the phone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Opening the file of the story he’d read ages ago, I had a quick skim through it, then emailed it to him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, done,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks love.  I’ll have a look soon.  Just checking a few things first.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No hurry.  It’s not very good anyway.  It was one of the first ones I did.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was pretty good,” he told me.  “I remembered it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why did you make me send it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I wanted to compare it to the </span>
  <span>one</span>
  <span> I’m reading now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, this can’t be good.  He reads Shakespeare for God’s sake, Tolstoy, Franzen...why the hell does he want to read fanfiction?  And mine at that.  “What’s so funny?” I asked, as he laughed when he looked at me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The panic on your face,” he said.  “I know.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Know what?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I remembered your pseudonym.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Son of a bitch.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing he said, “I knew I’d get it.  You actually told me what it was without </span>
  <span>realising</span>
  <span> it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did? How? When?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“When I asked if you’d let me read it and you said no.  I said I’d look it up and you said I wouldn’t find it because, and I quote, ‘I’m not using my name.’ It came to me in the shower just now.  You wrote the angel one I’m reading at the moment.   I thought the style was familiar.  I don’t know why you didn’t want me to read it.  What I’ve read so fair is quite good.  You should write more.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t mind?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I?  It’s fiction, it’s not like you’re writing about our most intimate moments.  Besides, I hate to break it to you love but we do that daily thing and people have kind of got to know us through that.  I love that you want to write, but I’m curious as to why you want to use me in the stories.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I know people will read it, and I like the challenge of having to change your personality a bit so you’re different, does that make sense?   We tend to be an egotistical bunch and like to know that people read what we write or we become a little neurotic – don't even,” I laughed as I saw the look on his face and knew he was about to say something. “I know, I’m neurotic enough already. How much have you read?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve almost finished reading the guardian angel one.  Do you find it odd writing about me with other women?   Other than Susannah, you’re the only person I’ve been with in the last 14 years.  It seems unbelievable to me that people would accept me with anyone but you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“People </span>
  <span>fantasise</span>
  <span>.  They want to put themselves as the person in the stories. Escapism. They don’t want to remember that you’re married.  I don’t think you quite realise just how popular you are.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all rather strange,” he said.  “I noticed you’ve written quite a few different stories.  You know I’m going to read them all don’t you?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. But just a word of warning, you may not like what you read with some of it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and why’s that?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled as I answered, “Thorki.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p><br/> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. 30.1 Be Honest, 30.2 I Didn't Expect This, 30.3 You Wear 40 Well, 30.4 Tom's Home Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>30.1 BE HONEST</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“What?  Don’t look at me like that.  I had no idea you were going to show any interest in any of this much less read it.  If you don’t want to read the Thorki stuff then just don’t look at it.  Read the rest of it, I don’t care.” </p><p>“But you do care and why so defensive?” he asked. </p><p>“I’m not defensive.  I’m just saying, if you’re not comfortable reading it then just don’t read it.” </p><p>“Let me finish this one, then I’ll see how I feel about it.  I may read it, I may not.” </p><p>“Suit yourself.  As I said, I don’t care.” </p><p>“And we both know that you do and that’s why you’re so defensive.” </p><p>“It’s all just shit anyway,” I said turning back to my book. </p><p>I saw him give me a look but he turned his attention back to his laptop and we sat in silence, both of us reading.    </p><p>Closing the laptop, he looked over to me even though I was doing my best to ignore him and kept looking at the words on the page...I was even smart enough to turn the page so it looked like I was actually reading.  If you’d asked me to quote the last few sentences, I’d have been screwed because I had no idea what I was reading; I just didn’t want to hear what he had to say.  At least when people online read my work, they were anonymous faces.  This was my husband.  And his opinion mattered more than I care to admit.  I just wanted him to be honest, if it was terrible, I wanted him to tell me – but I also wanted him to lie through his teeth and tell me that I was a literary God, but had he done that, I would have laughed in his face. </p><p>“Are you done pretending to read?” he asked. </p><p>“No.  I’m doing just fine thanks.” </p><p>“When did you get the time to write?  And when did you write that one?” </p><p>“Wrote that one not so long back.  On the nights I just can’t sleep I write.  I haven’t really written much for the past month because we’ve spent so much time together but I write when you’re working or I’ll jot things down when I’m at work.  I don’t know really; I just do it when I can.” </p><p>“What inspired that one?” he asked. </p><p>“Don’t laugh but it was Iris, the Goo Goo Dolls song.  A couple of them have been inspired by songs.” </p><p>“I’m not going to laugh.  It had that ‘City of Angels’ feel to it.  You know the one thing that surprised me?” </p><p>“What would that be?” </p><p>“You don’t consider yourself to be a romantic and yet that story was incredibly romantic.  Do you want to know what I thought of it?” </p><p>“Only if you’re going to be honest with me.  One of the reasons I didn’t want you to read any of my work is because I don’t want you to tell me it’s good just so you don’t hurt my feelings.” </p><p>“Just let me ask one thing first.  Are you considering trying to get anything published?” </p><p>“Hell no!” I exclaimed.  “For God’s sake, it’s just...well, I don’t know what the hell it is.  I don’t feel right calling it fan fiction because it’s not. Well, it is.  But it’s not. I’m your wife not a fan. But, I’m a fan too.  Oh, hell I don’t know.  What the hell is it called?” I asked.  “Whatever it’s called, it’s nowhere near good enough to consider publishing.  And before you say anything, I’ve read some fanfiction that is way better than published authors so no, it’s not good enough.  I think it takes a certain talent to be able to write really good fanfic, a talent I don’t possess, plus I have an unfair advantage. I know you.  Intimately.” </p><p>“It would probably be labelled fan fiction,” he said. </p><p>“Ewww,” I said, then clapped my hand over my mouth.  “Oops, didn’t mean that to come out quite the way it probably sounded.  It was ‘ewww about fan girling over my husband, not that I’m not but ewww, I’m just making it worse, aren’t I?  God how embarrassing, writing fan fiction about your own husband.  Not, I hasten to add, that I’m not a fan.  I am.  It’s just... Weird,” I finished. </p><p>He started laughing then, “You’re really nervous about this aren’t you?  I haven’t seen you this flustered since...well, since - actually, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you this flustered.” </p><p>“Yes, I’m nervous.  The person I wrote the story about has just read it, is about to critique it and wasn’t supposed to know it was written in the first place. Stop talking and tell me what you think,” I told him.  “You’re making me more nervous.  But be honest.  Don’t tell me it’s good if it’s not.” </p><p>“Brutally honest?” he asked. </p><p>“Not Thomas Sharpe brutal,” I said.  “Honest, not cruel.” </p><p>“Ok, honestly it’s really hard to form an opinion on a couple of thousand words.  You don’t really have time to get to know the characters before the story is over.  However, you’ve written enough that you get a sense of who they are.  Grammatically it’s pretty good.  You’ve buggered up past and present tense a few times but a good proof reader could fix it. You’ve got the potential to be a really good writer. I liked the general outline of the story, and much as you say you’re not romantic, you write romance quite well.  Let me put it to you this way, I wanted to finish it, needed to know what was going to happen.” </p><p>“So, you’re saying it was ok?” </p><p>“I’m saying it was really good.  Not great, but really good.  Seriously, you have the potential to be a damn good writer. A little focus and discipline and you could be there.  Keep writing and if you feel you’ve got a novel in you, get it down and we’ll see what we can do about it.” </p><p>“No,” I said. </p><p>“No?” he asked.  “You’re really not interested in publishing?” </p><p>“It’s a dream.  I’d love to be published one day but I don’t want you to ‘look into it’ for me, or ‘see what you can do’ for me.  If I do it, it’s going to be on my terms, my merits, and not because of the Hiddleston name.” </p><p>“That’s not what I meant,” he said. </p><p>“Look, I just do it as a creative release.  It’s like my art and photography, it’s just something that I enjoy, something that relaxes me.  I don’t want to ‘have’ to do it because then it stops being fun.  Yes, one day I’d love to write a novel, I’ve already got a plot outline, done some research and got about six and half thousand words down but I’ve come to a standstill on it.” </p><p>“Writer’s block?” </p><p>“No.  I have so many ideas in my head, I’m just so time poor and I shouldn’t be.  I don’t understand why I never have time to do everything I want to do.” </p><p>Laughing he came and sat beside me, “You never stop.  You achieve a lot more than you think you do.” </p><p>“No, I don’t. Maybe I need to sleep less, get more done.  I could use that bit of extra time to write more. I can use the mornings to do photos, if it’s quiet at work I can try and get some more writing done or squeeze a workout in.  Once I get home, I can try and get some painting in before walking the dogs, then I can have a quick swim before dinner.  Once I’ve been to the community centre and seen them, I should have some researching and reading to do, should be able to get that done after dinner then I can write a bit more, have a shower, then read for a while in bed.  That might work.” </p><p>“One minor problem with your plan,” he said. </p><p>“What’s that?”  I asked. </p><p>“Where do I fit in?” </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>30.2 I Didn't Expect This</p><p>***My apologies for the time skip in this chapter.  Missy drags her feet sometimes and gets me behind where I need the story to be, so in order to catch up, I need to skip a bit.  Thanks for your understanding. </p><p>... </p><p>“See what I mean?” she said.  “Not enough time.  I can’t fit everything in.” </p><p>Risking life and limb I said, “You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing, and before you chew my head off, just listen for minute.” </p><p>“Listening,” she replied, eyes narrowed. </p><p>“You don’t paint every day, you never have.  You don’t get the camera out every day; again, you never did.  Yes, one of us writes every day, but on the day I write, there’s nothing stopping you writing something else.  You’re only at work a couple of days a week and soon you’ll have more time because we’ll be at home and you won’t have to worry about work.” </p><p>“Yes, but we’ll be visiti...oh damn, what now?” she said as her phone beeped.  Checking the message she’d just received, she nodded as she read. </p><p>“You do realise they can’t see you nodding,” I quipped. </p><p>“Oh, ha ha smart ass,” she said.  “I need to go pi...I need to go ge...I need to go out for a bit, won’t be too long.” </p><p>“Where are you going?” I asked. </p><p>“Just need to do something...at the shop.” </p><p>“Savannah can’t take care of it?” I asked. </p><p>“No. No.  It’s something I have to do it.  Back soon,” she said grabbing the keys and heading out the door. </p><p>Looking at the door she’d just banged shut, I was wondering what the hell she could possibly have to do at this hour?  Given the way her mind is working at the moment she’s probably decided she needs a chocolate thick shake or something. Who knows?  I’m sure I’ll be clued in at some stage.  I think she’s really beginning to get anxious about heading to the UK.  It’s becoming very real now, not too far away.  Hopefully she settles down a bit because if she keeps this up, I can see an anxiety attack on the horizon.  </p><p>I must confess, I’m finding her choice of words a little concerning when she says she feels like she’s running out of time; she’s said it twice now in the last week.  I don’t understand why she’d feel that way.  Why would she be running out of time?  The woman never bloody stops, she’s constantly moving.  Even when she’s sitting, she’s moving and her mind just doesn’t slow down. Ever.  I don’t know how she does it sometimes and that’s from someone that likes to keep active himself.   </p><p>Might as well read a bit more of her work while she’s out doing whatever it is she’s doing.  I opened AO3 and clicked on her name.  What to read?  This looks interesting.  The Doll In The Cupboard.  Ah, Loki this time.  I kicked back and started reading, totally sucked into the story, so much so that I didn’t hear her come in. </p><p>“Hey,” she said flopping down on the couch. </p><p>“Jesus Christ,” I said jumping.  “You startled me.  I didn’t hear you come in.” </p><p>“So I see.  What are you reading?” </p><p>“The Doll in the Cupboard.” </p><p>“Another one of mine.  I liked that one.  You might find it a bit odd.  It’s another inspired by a song.” </p><p>“Oh. Which song?” </p><p>“Here With Me by The Killers.  The video was directed by Tim Burton and I was watching it and this story came to me.” </p><p>“I know the one,” I said.  “Winona Ryder and Craig Roberts are in it.” </p><p>“That’s the one, it inspired the story. Hey, I was thinking, we should go to the pub for dinner (tea for those in the UK). We haven’t been for ages.” </p><p>“Really darling?  I don’t know that I’m in the mood. I was looking forward to a quiet night in to just read and relax.” </p><p>“We don’t have to stay.  I just thought it might be nice; besides I didn’t get anything out.” </p><p>“Can’t we just get pizza?” </p><p>She gave a big sigh, “If that’s what you want.  I’ll be back,” she said disappearing towards the bedroom. </p><p>I returned to the story but couldn’t get the thought of a nice steak out of my mind.  Pizza here or steak at the pub? I asked myself.  We could get dinner, a beer and be back home within the hour if we wanted.  If any of the boys are there, we can just say we’ve been riding, feeling a bit sore and want to get an early night.   </p><p>“Darling?” I called out, heading up the hallway.  “I’ve changed my mind.  We’ll go to the pub.” </p><p>“What changed your mind?” </p><p>“The thought of a steak.” </p><p>Pulling on jeans and shirts, we both put boots on and grabbed a jacket just in case it cooled down.  Highly unlikely given that it’s February but it’s been an oddly mild summer. </p><p>“I’ll just feed the dogs,” she said. </p><p>Dogs fed, we were ready and heading for the car.   </p><p>She’d been on her phone a bit, which was unusual for her.  “What are you doing?” I asked. </p><p>“Just working something out with Savannah,” she answered. </p><p>Arriving at the pub, we parked and she asked me to wait for a minute while she sent another message. </p><p>“Sorry,” she said.  “That’s the last one.” </p><p>“Everything ok?” I asked. </p><p>“Will be very shortly,” she said as we walked towards the door. </p><p>She stepped back and let me go through first.  For the number of cars in the carpark the place was practically deserted.  I thought there would have been a lot more people.   </p><p>“Are you going to move or stand there leaving me holding the door?” she said. </p><p>“Sorry,” I said as I moved.  Taking her hand, we walked towards the bistro when all of a sudden people seemed to come from everywhere yelling out ‘Surprise.’   </p><p>I felt her arms go around my waist and as I looked down, she looked up with a huge smile on her face. “Surprise.  Couldn’t let your 40th birthday slip by without a celebration.  I know it’s a few days early but some people could only make it tonight because of work commitments, isn’t that right Chris, Taika? </p><p>Turning, I saw Taika and Chris standing there, big grins on their faces. </p><p>“Happy birthday,” Taika said as he gave me a hug.  Chris came in over the top and hugged me as he wished me happy birthday saying that Elsa sent her apologies for not being able to make it down. </p><p>“I’m speechless,” I said looking around at the people here.  Old friends and new ones had turned out to help celebrate my birthday.  I was incredibly touched.  “How the hell did you manage to do this?” I asked her.  “You never cease to amaze me.  Thank you, my love, I honestly don’t know what to say.” </p><p>“Just enjoy yourself,” she said.   </p><p>I noticed that Sparky, Sticks, Phil, Smithy, Johnno and Blue were here, Savannah and Theresa, as well as the Marvel bunch who were currently filming not too far from here. Some of the crew I’d worked with before were here as well.   </p><p>“Still a couple more people to come,” she said.  “But for the most part this is it.  You had me worried when you said you didn’t want to come.” </p><p>“I’m glad I changed my mind,” I said. </p><p>I managed to spend some time with everyone that was there as we ate, drank, sang, danced, played pool and darts, laughed, talked, reminisced and were blown away by the Loki birthday cake.    </p><p>There was a very rousing rendition of Happy Birthday, with Taika as Korg leading the way.   </p><p>“You can’t have your birthday present until your birthday,” she said to me as I cut the cake.  “I want to wait.” </p><p>“Darling, after this, I don’t expect anything.  This is more than enough.  Thank you again.  I still don’t know how the hell you managed it but I’m very grateful that you did.” </p><p>We partied until the early hours of the morning then a few people said they needed to get going as they had things they needed to get done in the morning.  Thanking everyone for coming, we waited until everyone was gone then headed for the car. </p><p>“You sure you’re ok to drive love?” I asked.  “We can get a cab.” </p><p>“I’m good to drive.  I didn’t really drink much, only a couple of wines.” </p><p>“I really enjoyed myself.  Thank you so much.  I truly wasn’t expecting anything, wasn’t sure you’d even remembered to be honest.” </p><p>“Are you serious?” she asked incredulously.  “You honestly think I'd forget your birthday? And your 40th at that!  I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.  Nice to see you spending time with Sticks and the boys.” </p><p>“They’re genuinely nice guys, I really like them.  They make me feel like one of them.  I’d forgotten the others were here filming, got a bit of a surprise when I saw them here.” </p><p>Pulling up in the driveway, she made sure the gates were closed, locked the car and unlocked the door.  </p><p>“I suddenly feel really tired,” I said to her.   </p><p>“Not surprised babe, it’s almost 2.30am.  Been a big day.” </p><p>“It’s been a great day.  Thank you.” </p><p>“You’re welcome.” </p><p>Waking the next morning, she said she didn’t want to do much as it was her last day at home before going back to work.  Suited me.   </p><p>“I thought I’d be absolutely hanging to get back,” she said.  “But I’m not.  I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together and feel a bit sad it’s coming to an end.” </p><p>“Odd choice of words,” I said.  “Our time together isn’t coming to an end love, you’re just going to work, and only for a couple of days a week.  I’ll come to the shop with you if you want, if it makes it easier for you to get back into it.” </p><p>“Maybe tomorrow,” she said. “If you wouldn’t mind.” </p><p>Even though we’d done very little the day flew by and before we knew it, it was time for bed.  I have to be honest; I’m looking forward to a little bit of routine to our days, but I’m not looking forward to it either.  I can’t tell you how much I’ve loved spending time with her, quality time, getting to know each other all over again.  It’s nice to know that we can still spend time together though; nice knowing she’s only going to be doing a couple of days.  God only knows what’s going to happen workwise when we get to the UK. </p><p>… </p><p>“You want a second cup or wait until we get to the shop?” I called out. </p><p>“Second one please,” she called back. </p><p>Walking up the hallway and going into the bathroom where she was applying make-up, I said, “Sure you don’t want to wait?  We’ll be going shortly.” </p><p>“Is it that time already?” she asked as I nodded.  “Damn.  Ok, I'll wait.  I haven’t missed this each day.” </p><p>“Then don’t wear any.  It’s not like you need it.” </p><p>“I don’t know whether to be flattered or horrified,” she laughed.  “Flattered that you think I don’t need it but horrified at the thought of going to work with no make-up on.” </p><p>5 minutes later, she was ready to go.  “Right, let’s do this,” she said. </p><p>Making sure the boys had plenty of water and that the doggy door was unlocked, I’d satisfied myself that we were ready to go. </p><p>It was a rather uneventful morning with a steady flow of customers but there were periods that it was fairly quiet as well.  She was on the phone when I came down to see if she wanted lunch and I waited for her to end the call before asking if she wanted to eat. </p><p>“Did I just hear you say that Savannah was in tomorrow?” I asked. </p><p>“Yes, it’s your birthday so I’ve swapped tomorrow for Wednesday.  Sav said she didn’t mind.” </p><p>“You don’t need to take the day off.  You’ve only just got back for goodness sake.” </p><p>“You don’t want to spend the day with me?” she asked. </p><p>“Yes of course I do, but I figured you’d be working so it’s not a big deal.” </p><p>“Well, I’ve already organised it so you’re stuck with me.” </p><p>“Such a hardship,” I joked. “Did you want lunch?” </p><p>“Yes, but I don’t know what so surprise me.” </p><p>The rest of the day passed by much the same as the morning had, neither busy nor slow.  </p><p>“Wasn’t so bad,” she said.  “Still feels kind of weird being back.” </p><p>Arriving home, we took the dogs for a quick walk, fed them and us, showered, watched some tv then went to bed to read for a little while.   </p><p>“Any idea what you want to do tomorrow?” she asked. </p><p>“There is actually, but I'll let you know in the morning.” </p><p>  </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>30.3 YOU WEAR 40 WELL</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Sneaking out of bed so as to not wake him, I'd almost made it to the door when I heard, “Get back here woman, it’s my birthday and I want you in my bed.  Now.” </p><p>“I was coming back I swear.  I just wanted to get the coffee on.” </p><p>“The coffee can wait.  I can’t,” he said, throwing the covers back pointing at the empty spot beside him, then at me.  </p><p>“Happy birthday,” I said climbing back into bed beside him. </p><p>“It will be soon,” he said. </p><p>… </p><p>“So, what was it you wanted to do today?” I asked him.  “You said last night you had something in mind but didn’t tell me what.” </p><p>“I was thinking of doing the treetops adventure.  You interested?” </p><p>“Yes, absolutely.  I haven’t done that for so long.  What time did you want to go?” </p><p>“Breakfast then head out?” he questioned. </p><p>“Sounds good to me but you have to let me give you your present first.” </p><p>“I thought you just did,” he said, cheeky grin on his face. </p><p>“Real comedian, aren’t you?” I laughed. </p><p>“I told you I didn’t expect anything after you organised the party the other night.  Still don’t know how the hell you managed that without me suspecting anything.  You really could run a business doing that type of thing you know.” </p><p>“I could look into doing it in my spare time when I get back from the UK.” </p><p>“Now who’s the comedian?  Spare time, funny. I can’t convince you to stay with me for the entire shoot?  I hate the thought of us not being together now.” </p><p>“You said they’re allowing 6 months for the shoot.  I can’t do that long.  I’d love to say I could but we both know I’m not going to be able to.  I’d need to come home for a month at least then I might be able to come back over.  I’ll see how it all goes when we get there.  I just don’t think I'm going to cope being locked up inside the house not able to do anything.” </p><p>“Let’s not think about it for now.  Let’s just look forward to today.” </p><p>“Oh, let me go get your present.  It’s nothing much but...anyway, you’ll see.” </p><p>God, I hope he likes what I've got him.  I’ve had to go through absolute hell to get this for him.  I’ve pleaded, thrown tantrums, sweet talked and begged to get the damn things.   </p><p>“Ok, close your eyes,” I said returning with his gift. “Put your hands out.” </p><p>He looked so dang cute sitting there in his sleep pants, hair all tousled, eyes closed, dumb ass grin on his face.   </p><p>“It’s heavyish so don’t drop it,” I said as I put it in his hands.  “Open your eyes.” </p><p>“Why did I have to close my eyes when it’s covered in wrapping paper?” he asked. </p><p>“Because I like it when you do as you’re told,” I laughed. </p><p>“Do I get a kiss with it?” </p><p>“Serious?  What you just did to me in there,” I motioned to the bedroom, “Wasn’t enough for you, now you want me to kiss you too?” </p><p>“You loved it.  Now, give us a kiss,” he laughed as he puckered up and waited for me to kiss him. </p><p>“Good think I kind of like you, you know,” I said as I kissed him. </p><p>Watching him unwrap his gift I sent up a silent prayer hoping that he liked it, and it brought back good memories for him. </p><p>He tore the wrapping paper to reveal an enclosed glass case that held mounted daggers. He looked at the case, looked at me, then back to the case, then asked, “Is this what I think it is and if it is, how in the name of all the Gods did you manage to get them?” </p><p>“Yes, it is what you think it is, and you have no idea of the hoops I’ve had to jump through in order to get them, but I managed it and that’s all you need to worry about.” I laughed.  “They’re the ones you used...” </p><p>“...in Ragnarok, yes I can see.  But how did you talk them into letting you have them?” </p><p>“It’s been a hell of a process let me tell you.  I decided not long after your birthday last year that this is what I wanted to get you so I started the ball rolling back then.  It wasn’t easy and a few times I thought they weren’t going to allow it but I kept at it and once Kevin found out that I wanted them for your 40th things magically started happening.  Getting them through customs wasn’t a lot fun but we got there.  Finding someone to make the case...well, anyway, I hope you like them.” </p><p>“I do my love.  It’s a wonderful gift. Thank you.” </p><p>“You’re welcome.  Now, are we going to get dressed and go treetop walking?” </p><p>… </p><p>There’s nothing quite like doing an obstacle course when you’re in the treetops and everything moves, it was amazing.  It felt like years since we’d been here, actually it was a couple of years so that’s probably why it felt like forever.  The best part was the zipline, 1 kilometre long (a bit over half a mile) it was fantastic, zigzags, 4 x 360º turns, a 540º turn, free fall drops, corners, your stomach gets left behind a few times but the view, oh wow!  Imagine coming from the top of a massive eucalypt, slowly descending into the tree canopy, natural bushland all around and you’re zooming through it all in a harness attached to a line while you’re  doing about 15 km/h (just over 9 mph). </p><p>Reaching the bottom, both of us with smiles from one side of our faces to the other, we were like a couple of kids looking for the next adventure.   </p><p>“Do you want to do the little one too?” he asked. </p><p>“Sure, why not?” I laughed.  We were lucky there were very few people on the course as it could get extremely busy and unless you’d booked ahead you often didn’t get to experience all of the course.  Not a problem today and we pretty much had the run of the place, so we decided to do as much as we could until our legs gave out and we just couldn’t do anymore.  The smaller zipline was only 330metres long (just under 100 feet) and had only one 360º loop.   </p><p>We must have spent about 4 hours there in the end before deciding we should probably stop before neither of us could move tomorrow.   </p><p>“Do you want to grab something to eat before we go?” he asked. </p><p>“I could really go for a chicken and salad sandwich,” I said.  “And coffee.” </p><p>“Sounds really good actually.  I’m starving,’ he said.   </p><p>Choosing to sit outside on the little deck near the café, we ate our sandwiches while watching the birds in the trees and enjoying the mild summer sun. </p><p>“I’ve had an absolute blast darling, thanks for agreeing to come here.” </p><p>“You’re more than welcome.  I’ve honestly had the best time.  So how does it feel to be 40?” </p><p>“The same as it felt to be 39.  You know how I feel about ageing, it only bothers you and hinders you if you let it.  Let’s face it, it’s not like we have a choice in the matter.” </p><p>“Well, I personally think you get better with age.  You seem more comfortable with yourself somehow.  You wear 40 well.” </p><p>“Even with my little silver strands showing through?” he asked. </p><p>“Especially with your silver strands showing through,” I replied.  “I don’t tell you this anywhere near often enough, but you’re an incredibly good-looking man and you seriously are only getting better looking as you get older.” </p><p>He looked up at me...then blushed.  “Now look what you’ve gone and done,” he said, touching his cheeks with the backs of his hands, silly smile on his face. </p><p>… </p><p>Back at home, both of us deciding a bath was in order, we had a quick shower to get the dirt off then soaked in the tub together. </p><p>“Did you want to go out for dinner or stay in?” I asked.  “We could go to a restaurant if you want, the pub, or we can stay in.” </p><p>“I’d really like a nice quiet night in with you.  Maybe get that pizza we were going to have the other night?” </p><p>“Sounds good.  I’m done here,” I said standing up.  “I’ll just dry off then order.” </p><p>5 minutes later he joined me on the couch as I placed the order for pizza.  “Do you want a drink?” he asked.  “I’m having a scotch.” </p><p>“I might just have water thanks.  I don’t think I drank enough today. Do we have lemons?  Actually, you sit and I'll get it.” </p><p>“Stay where you are,” he said. “I’ll get it and yes we do have lemon.” </p><p>He brought the lemon water over to me and sat beside me sipping his scotch when his phone rang.  He answered and put it on loud speaker, “Hi mum.” </p><p>“Happy birthday son,” Diana said. </p><p>“Thank you.  How are you?” </p><p>“I’m fine.  How’s your day been?  Hi Dil, how are you? I can tell I’m on speaker because there’s an echo,” she chuckled. </p><p>“I’m fine thanks Diana.  Missing you but I’ll see you soon.” </p><p>Tom and Diana chatted for a few more minutes then she rang off to go and make a cup of tea as it was early morning there.  The pizza arrived just as Tom’s phone rang again, his father this time.  I left him chatting to his father while I went to get the pizza.  Heading back towards the living room, Tom looked up as he heard me come in.  I pointed to the cupboard where we keep the plates, silently asking if he wanted one but he shook his head and pointed to me then the table.  </p><p>Placing the pizza down, he was saying goodbye to his father as I sat down.   </p><p>“That was quick,” I said. </p><p>“You know what he’s like; straight to the point and doesn’t waste words,” he chuckled.  “Thank you for everything love, I really appreciate that you changed your schedule for me, agreed to our little adventure today and, well, for everything else you’ve done – my present, the party.  I’ve loved it all and I love you.” </p><p>“Glad you enjoyed it and I love you too.  Happy birthday.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>30.4 TOM'S HOME ALONE</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh God, who’s idiotic idea was it to buy a shop?” she mumbled as I tapped her and told her it was time to get up.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I seem to recall you almost willing to sell your soul to the devil if it meant you could have that shop.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.  I just didn’t sleep much and I felt myself going off when you told me it’s time to get up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a manager you could leave in charge you know,” I reminded her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she deserves a few days off for the next couple of weeks. Goodness knows she’s going to be hard at it for a while after that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Go get in the shower and wake up.  I’ll put coffee on for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not coming in </span>
  <span>today,</span>
  <span> are you?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t going to but I can if you want me to.  I’ve got some reading to do.  Work reading this time; much as I’d love to continue reading what you’ve written, I need to get this done, and stop rolling your eyes at me. Now, get your gorgeous ass out of this bed and into the shower before I’m tempted not to let you up at all today.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You hit me with that and expect me to get up?” she laughed as she flicked the covers back.  “But I suppose I should get up before my manager finds out I’ve been slacking off and staying in bed with you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While she showered, I went to the kitchen and put coffee on, made toast and left it on a plate in the hope that she might eat something, but I highly doubt it.  Paddy and Bobby were dancing around underfoot waiting for their breakfast, so I fed them then cleaned their water bowl and put fresh water down for them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hair up in a ponytail, face devoid of makeup and looking about 10 years younger than she is, she came into the kitchen in search of coffee.  Pouring a cup and handing it to her, I sat at the breakfast bar with her and smiled as she took a mouthful of the coffee, sighed deeply, then cradled the cup in her hands.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t already love you more than life itself, I would now,” she said, yawning then taking another sip.  “Good coffee.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve made toast if you’re interested,” I told her, placing the plate in front of her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pushing the plate away, she said, “Too early.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing about lunch?  Will you get a break?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably. If I get busy and don’t get the chance for a </span>
  <span>break,</span>
  <span> I'll call you and you can bring me something.  Anyway, I better go get ready.  Might hit the gym when I get home, I want to try a run on the treadmill and see how I go, it might help me get over feeling so tired.  Hey, how do you feel after all the climbing yesterday?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty good actually.  A little tight in my shoulders, but not too bad.  How about you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My leg is a bit stiff this morning but other than that, all good.  I’ll massage your shoulders when I come home if you want.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Might take you up on that.  Go on, you best get ready.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>20 minutes later she was out the door.  It’s silly I know, but the house seems so empty without her.  I haven’t ever really spent much time in this house without her being here.  Is it ridiculous that I miss her already?  Anyway, I suppose rather than sit here feeling sorry for myself, I should probably tidy up the few dishes there were, get dressed and start doing some of this reading...politics, doesn’t sound terribly riveting, but I need to get it done.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of hours into it and I need a break.  I sent her a text asking how the day was going but I’m still waiting on a response, so either she’s ignoring me - doubtful, or she’s busy which means she won’t get the chance to have a break. She didn’t eat breakfast so she needs to eat lunch.  I’ll give it another </span>
  <span>10  minutes</span>
  <span> and see if she responds to the message.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Wandering into the kitchen, I got a banana and apple and took them back to the office.  Checking my phone, there was no response to the message I’d sent earlier.  Maybe I should just call.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dialing the number, I smiled when I heard, “</span>
  <span>Marvelously</span>
  <span> Mischievous, Missy speaking.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Marvelously Mischievous Missy, how’s things?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Boo, how you doing?  I miss you,” she said making me smile even more.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing good, missing you.  Having a busy day?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” she answered.  “Steady I suppose.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I sent you a text but you didn’t answer so I thought you must have been busy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I must have left my phone upstairs.  Sorry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s ok.  Are you going to get a chance to get lunch of should I bring you some?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maggie called in so she’s got me a ham and salad sandwich,” she said.  “</span>
  <span>So</span>
  <span> I’m all good.  Did you want me to stop and get food for tonight?  I don’t know what you want.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, I’ve got it all under control.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I better go babe.  I’ll see you tonight.  I love you, miss you heaps.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss you and love you too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>So, what to do until she gets home? I need a break from politics for a while.  Still got about 5 hours until she gets home.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I spent an hour in the gym, played the piano and guitar, did a bit more reading, played with the dogs and came to understand why she said she needs to work or she’d go insane.  I know I’m like a caged tiger simply because this is the first day she’s been back at work and I’ve been left to my own devices.  Hope every day isn’t like this.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I might read some more of her stories.  I’m determined to read every single one of them – well, almost every single one.  I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about the </span>
  <span>Thorki</span>
  <span> ones.  From what she’s told me they’re not for the fainthearted.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe not Thorki, but she’s got a few others here that look like they could be interesting, nothing too long by the looks of it.  I have to be honest, given that they were all fairly short, I wasn’t really expecting much from them, but she surprised me with a couple of them and they were actually quite good.  They all had one theme in common though, and I think my wife might be in for a bit of a surprise when she gets home...those stories were hot.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chapter 17, Hey Little One, Welcome Home available in Virtual Adventures of the Adult Kind: The Next Phase, immediately follows on from this chapter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. 31.1 It's Been A While, 31.2 I'm Fine - Honestly, 31.3 Definitely Not Ok, 31.4 Off To The Doctor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>31.1 IT'S BEEN A WHILE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“I brought you coffee,” he said quietly as he sat down on the bed.  “Do you want me to put it on the nightstand for you?” </p><p>“Huh? Coffee? Wha? Why are you talking?” Opening one eye a little I noticed it was quite bright in the bedroom which meant the sun was up which meaning I’d slept in.  Well, not really slept in.  I’ve no idea what time we actually went to sleep, but I remember looking at the clock at 3.45 as Tom - no not Tom; Tom was Loki or was Loki Tom? I’ve no idea but one of them was telling me I was too sassy for my own good, and I sassed a lot more after that so, at a guess, I’d say we probably went to sleep at about 4.30 a.m. </p><p>“You better have a gallon of that stuff ready.  I think I'm going to need it.” </p><p>“Are you feeling ok?” he asked. </p><p>“I don’t know, I haven’t moved ye...ouch.” </p><p>“What is it?  Where are you sore?  Are you hurt? Show me.” </p><p>“Relax mum, I rolled on my hair and pulled it trying to sit up.” </p><p>Chuckling, he said, “Point taken. Sorry. Over protective – old habits and all that.  I was just a bit worried about how you’d be feeling after last night, or was it this morning?” </p><p>“Both,” I said.  “And I think I’m fine. I don’t really know.  Nothing’s hurting just laying here like this, so that has to be a good thing, right?  What about you?  You ok?  Pass me the coffee please,” I asked as I sat up and winced. </p><p>“That was a definite wince,” he said.  “Where are you hurt. I knew we got a bit too carried away.” </p><p>“Calm down.  I’m fine.  Just a few kinks that need stretched out.  Been a while since I’ve done yoga like that.” </p><p>“It was rather fun.  I’d forgotten how flexible you were.  And I’m ok, bit sore in the shoulders but that could be a combination of last night and the treetops.” </p><p>“I’ll give you a massage soon,” I told him. </p><p>We sat drinking our coffee quietly, each of us caught up in our own thoughts – well, each of us thinking back on last night more than likely. </p><p>“You’re not going in today, are you?” he asked. </p><p>“No. I might go in for a while tomorrow but Sav’s got it all under control today.  I might go have a shower.” </p><p>“Do you want me to run you a bath?” he questioned. </p><p>“Thanks, but I really want a shower.  Need to iron out a few kinks with the hot water.  It’s been a while since you gave me a workout like that.  Maybe I need to write more if that’s what’s going to happen,” I laughed. </p><p>“I’ve still got more to read,” he told me.  “Not through all of them yet.  I still have some of the ones you wrote about us to go, your longer stories, and I still haven’t made up my mind about Thorki.” </p><p>“Well, there’s no rush, they’re not going anywhere.  OK, I’m getting up.  Can you take that please?” I asked, handing him the coffee cup. </p><p>Heading to the bathroom while he was in the kitchen, I had a good look in the mirror and decided it had better be a pretty quick shower and I’d need to choose my clothes carefully to cover a few of the marks that were still visible from last night’s fun and games. </p><p>“Darling, I was wondering what...” he stopped mid sentence and looked at me. </p><p>“Don’t even.  I’m not going through this with you again. I’m fine.  Every damn time we have to go through this.  No more.” </p><p>Nodding, he turned and walked out, leaving me to dry off and get dressed.  Five minutes later I went in search of him, finding him sitting in the living room staring out the sliding glass door. </p><p>“I was wondering what you wanted to do today?” he asked quietly. </p><p>“To be honest, I’d be happy to just stay here, catch up on the housework and read.  I was going to call the fertility specialist but it seems kind of pointless.” </p><p>“Why pointless?  Have you changed your mind?” </p><p>“No, not at all.  I just don’t see the sense in calling until we’re back here.” </p><p>“Makes sense.  Did you want another coffee? Some breakfast?” </p><p>“I think I want a cup of tea actually.  I don’t feel right.  I think it’s just that I’m really tired.  I’m not sick so don’t stress, just feel a bit under the weather.” </p><p>“It was last night wasn’t it?  I knew we got too carried away.  I knew I should have backed off.” </p><p>“It wasn’t last night and can you stop with the beating yourself up over it.  I’m a big girl and could have put a stop to it if I wanted to. I didn’t want to.  Now please, just leave it.  You go on about me giving myself a hard time, check the mirror Hiddleston, you’re brilliant at beating yourself up.” </p><p>“Were you ok yesterday?” </p><p>“Yeah, I was fine.  Honestly, I think I’m just tired.  I don’t sleep well at the best of times, then not getting to sleep until really late this morning hasn’t helped.  Might just get the bulk of the housework done then kick back on the couch and read for the rest of the day, I think.  You do whatever you want to do.  I might even have a nap later.” </p><p>“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have woken you.” </p><p>“It’s fine.  Honestly. I’ll probably pick up once I get motivated.” </p><p>He made tea for both of us, then we sat on the couch together drinking it, both of us reading novels but I could feel him looking at me. </p><p>“Do I have snot on my face or something?” I ended up asking. “You keep looking at me. Why?” </p><p>“Honestly?” he asked.  </p><p>“No, lie through your teeth,” oops, bit sarcastic, definitely not feeling right.   “Yes, honestly.” </p><p>“I was thinking about last night.” </p><p>“Which bit?” </p><p>“All of it.  It’s been a long time since we had a night like that, hasn’t it?” </p><p>“It has been, yes.  Where are we going with this?” </p><p>“If we have kids, we won’t be able to do that.” </p><p>“Sure we can, maybe not all over the house, but we can still do it.” </p><p>… </p><p>A couple of hours later, housework done, laundry done we were sitting on the couch when I remembered I said I’d give him a massage. </p><p>“Did you want that massage?” I asked. </p><p>“Only if you feel up to it,” he said.  “If you’re still not feeling great, it can wait.” </p><p>“I’m ok, feel a bit better.  I still think it’s because I’m so tired.  I might nap once I’ve done your massage if you don’t mind.” </p><p>“I don’t mind. I’d be happy to give you a massage if you’d like.  I know I can’t do as good a job as you, but I do a passable job.” </p><p>“You do better than passable.  I’ve told you many times that you have magic hands. And yes, that’d be really nice if you’d give me a massage.” </p><p>“Did you want me here or did you want to use the table?” </p><p>“Up to you, I can do it on the couch if you want.  Probably easier on the table but it’s up to you.” </p><p>“Oh, the places my mind just went,” he laughed.  “We’ll use the table and save your back.”  </p><p>Heading to the gym, he pulled the massage table out and set it up then stripped off and lay down.  The rhomboid muscles were really tight and I put that down to overuse because of the treetops climb then last night's extracurricular activities.   </p><p>“Sore in here?” I asked as I massaged along his shoulder blade towards his spine. </p><p>Just as I’d asked the question, he jumped and said, “Ahhh, yes.  Very tender.” </p><p>“I’ll massage it but then I want you to ice if every 3 hours for about 15 minutes at a time.  No strain on your shoulder.  I can feel how tight it is so just take it easy for a couple of days.” </p><p>“Yes boss,” he said.  </p><p>“Damn right,” I laughed. </p><p>Finishing the massage, he threw his shorts back on then told me to strip and get on the table.  Laying face down, I felt his hands run across my back, down to my butt then back up again.  I remember thinking how his hands felt amazing, and I was so tired, and his hands felt so nice and I yawned, and his hands were working their magic, and I'm so tired and his hands.... </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>31.2 I'M FINE - HONESTLY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I felt her relaxing under my touch and thought I was doing a great job of getting her to unwind, but then she gave a little snuffle and I realised she was sound asleep.  Now what do I do?  Wake her and try to get her to go have a nap in bed, or leave her to nap on the massage table which, whilst comfortable for a little while, was not the ideal place to be sleeping.   </p><p>Deciding that I couldn’t leave her on the table, I gently shook her shoulder, “Darling?  Hey, come on. Let’s get you into bed.” </p><p>“Huh?” she said, looking up trying to focus.  “Oh God, did I fall asleep?” </p><p>“You did.  Come on, I’ll help you into bed.  Go take a nap for an hour.” </p><p>“No, I’ll be fine.  I’m not tired now,” she said.  “I just need a coffee.” </p><p>“You are not fine.  I can’t remember the last time you fell asleep during the day.  You’re exhausted – go to bed.” </p><p>“Will you come with me?” she asked.  “Hold me?” </p><p>“Will you nap?” </p><p>“If you come with me and hold me, I’ll try.” </p><p>“Then I’ll come with you.” </p><p>Leaving her clothes where they were, she took my hand and we walked to the bedroom where she flicked the covers back and lay down, me laying behind her, big spoon and little spoon.  I think she was asleep before I’d actually managed to wrap myself around her...not that she was tired at all of course, she was just fine, ask her, she’ll tell you. </p><p>I was in a bit of a quandary now – how long to leave her?  I think an hour.  It’s enough to keep her going until bedtime but not enough to keep her awake later.  Of course, it could all backfire and she’ll be awake all night, in which case I’ll wear the blame and try to stay up with her.  Do I lay here with her in case she wakes and reaches for me, or do I leave her to rest and go put things away in the gym and do something about lunch and dinner? Very carefully, I rolled away from her to see if she’d wake or not.  She didn’t move, so I carefully moved back until I could get up. </p><p>I’d just finished putting the massage table away and picked her clothes up in the gym, when I heard her calling out to me.  Seriously the woman needed a good knock to the head to make her sleep.  She was absolutely wiped out, exhausted, and she’d slept for less than 20 minutes. </p><p>“Why are you up?” I called out, coming out of the gym. </p><p>“Because when I woke up you weren’t there and I wanted to know where you were.” </p><p>“Go back to bed and I’ll come in and stay with you.” </p><p>“No, I’m good now.  Seriously,” she said as I gave her the raised eyebrow look. </p><p>“Promise me you’ll take it easy for the rest of the day?”   </p><p>“I’m fine. Honestly.” </p><p>Surprisingly I managed to convince her to take it easy for the next couple of hours by staying with her while we ate lunch, reading various articles online together and playing scrabble but then her hyperactive nature came into play. </p><p>“I’m going for a swim,” she told me. </p><p>“Wait I’ll come with you.” </p><p>“I’m putting the swim jet on,” she said.  “So, if you want to laze in the pool best wait until I’m done.” </p><p>“I’ll just come sit outside.” </p><p>“Why?  To make sure I don’t fall asleep and drown?” she joked. </p><p>“Well, to be honest, yes.  I’m a little concerned about you because it’s so unlike you to fall asleep in the middle of the day, not once, but twice.  Get cranky, I don’t care, but I’m coming out to make sure you’re ok.” </p><p>“Oh for God’s sake.  Do you really think I’m irresponsible enough to go swimming and put myself in danger?” </p><p>“That's not what I said.” </p><p>“No, but it’s what you’re implying.” </p><p>“Humour me ok?  Just let me sit near the pool and read, just so I know you’re ok.” </p><p>“Fine, but it’s a waste of your time.  I keep telling you, I’m fine.” </p><p>10 minutes into the swim, I could see the slopiness starting in her stroke as she began to tire. Twelve minutes in, she was splashing as she brought her left arm down, thirteen minutes in and I was up, sitting on the side of the pool after she asked for help.   </p><p>“Do you need your inhaler?” I asked. </p><p> Nodding she was focused on her breathing, trying to breath in through her nose, out through her mouth but coughing with each exhale.   </p><p>“I’ll go get it for you once we get you out of the pool.  Can you get out or should I get in and help you?” </p><p>“I can..” she started coughing again, “get out. I’m” cough, cough, “ok. Honest.” </p><p>“Yes, I can see you’re doing awesome.  Just fine, as you’d say. Here, give me your hand and let me help you out.” </p><p>“No.” cough, cough, “I’ve got it.” </p><p>She somehow managed to get herself out of the pool and onto the side but she was sucking big breaths trying to get air into her lungs. </p><p>“Right, sit tight.  I’ll go get your inhaler.  Do not get back into that water ok?” </p><p>Nodding she sat on the edge of the pool, waiting for me while concentrating on her breathing and, unsuccessfully, trying not to cough. </p><p>Running inside, I found her inhaler and raced back outside with it handing it to her.  I could see she was a little blue around the mouth but I wasn’t going to panic – just yet. </p><p>Having 4 puffs of the inhaler, she managed to stop coughing but was still struggling to get deep breaths in.  Waiting 5 minutes, she took another 4 puffs and seemed to be ok after that. </p><p>“Thank you,” she said handing the inhaler back to me and moving to get back in the pool. </p><p>“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” I asked.  “You are in no fit state to get back in that pool and swim.” </p><p>“I’m fine. I want to finish my swim. If you don’t want to watch then go inside.” </p><p>“Are you serious?  You’ve just had a bloody asthma attack, called for help because of it, so no, you are not fine and you aren’t getting back in.” </p><p>“Don’t tell me what to do, I’m not a child.” </p><p>“Then stop acting like one.” </p><p>As soon as I’d said it, I regretted it. The look on her face said it all.  Standing up, she glared at me, opened the gate and let herself out of the pool area. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it came out.” </p><p>I won’t repeat what she said, but she made it very clear that she wasn’t happy with me. </p><p>Best course of action at times like this is to let her cool off, so I turned the swim jet off, stayed outside for 5 minutes then went in search of her to try and make it right. </p><p>Bracing myself for the verbal onslaught that was no doubt heading my way, I went inside, headed to our room and found her sideways on the bed, sound asleep again.  </p><p>“I’m sorry my love,” I said to her sleeping figure, “But you are far from fine.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>31.3 DEFINITELY NOT OK</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Tom said as I opened my eyes.  “Welcome back to the land of the living.  You ok?” </p><p>“My head hurts.  Like, a lot.” </p><p>“Hurts? Like headache or you’ve hurt yourself?” he asked. </p><p>“Headache.  Migraine,” I said closing my eyes again.  “The light hurts.  How long have I been asleep?” </p><p>“3 hours.  I thought it best to leave you.” </p><p>“Thank you.  I need to pee,” I said, attempting to get up off the bed but stumbling. </p><p>“Here, let me help you,” Tom said, putting his arm around my waist. </p><p>“I’m gonna be sick,” I said trying to hurry to the bathroom and only just making it to the basin. “Just go,” I said to him.  “Nothing you can do.” </p><p>He left me in the bathroom but I could hear him moving around, closing blinds and turning lights off. I could see a faint glow and guessed he’d lit a candle. </p><p>“I’m just going to get you some water.  Do you want some of the painkillers the doctor gave you last time?” </p><p>“Yes please.  And can I please have some tea?” </p><p>Rinsing my mouth then brushing my teeth, I splashed water on my face, used the toilet, washed my hands then headed back to bed.  I was only wearing the bikini I’d had on in the pool, but it was annoying me so I took it off and climbed onto the bed and sat with my head between my legs. </p><p>Tom came back in with water, painkillers and a cup of tea for me.  “Here you go love,” he said handing me the tablets.  “I know they won’t get rid of it but maybe they’ll take the edge off.” </p><p>“Thank you,” I said. </p><p>“Anything I can do for you, get for you?” he asked. </p><p>“No, but thank you.  This is good,” I said holding the water up and pointing the tea. </p><p>“It’s been quite a while since you’ve had a migraine, or asthma attack for that matter.  What do you think brought them on?” </p><p>“Don’t know.  Can’t think, hurts.” I said.   </p><p>Sipping the tea, I knew if I drank too much, I’d only throw it back up, so I left it on the nightstand and sank down into bed again, resting my head on the soft pillows. </p><p>“I’ll leave you to rest,” Tom said.  “Let me know if you want anything.  I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight so I don’t disturb you.” </p><p>“No.  I want you with me.  I don’t want anything, just you.  Don’t leave me.  Please.” </p><p>“Just let me go tidy up a bit, get the boys sorted and have a shower then I’ll come lay with you.”  </p><p>Propping myself up, I wanted to wait for Tom to come back in, wanted to stay awake so I took a few more sips of the tea but it was only lukewarm and I need my tea like my coffee, so hot it burns.  I had a mouthful of water but knew if I had too much more I’d be back in the bathroom.  I couldn’t wait for him to come back, I needed to lay down.  My head was pounding, stomach churning and even the flicker of the candle was hurting my eyes.   </p><p>Nestling my head on the soft pillows, I snuggled down, pulled the covers up to shield my eyes from the candlelight, closed my eyes with every intention of waiting for Tom, and woke up sometime later in a dark room with Tom’s arms wrapped around me, him spooning me.  I had no idea what the time was or how long Tom had been with me.  The house was dark and quiet so I figured it was late night or early morning. I needed to pee again but was a bit worried about moving.  Nothing was hurting while I was laying still and the thought of the pounding that pumped through my head when I moved, was almost enough to keep me in bed but my bladder wasn’t going to let me get back to sleep, so I carefully got up and went to the bathroom and realised that my head wasn’t pounding anymore.   I still had a headache but it was bearable, and I didn’t feel sick anymore.  That was a good sign, it meant I was recovering.   </p><p>Getting back into bed, Tom reached out for me, “You ‘k?” he mumbled. </p><p>“Still have a headache but not as bad,” I said.   </p><p>“Need anything?” </p><p>“No. Just sleep, and you.” </p><p>“Cuddle,” he said pulling me too him. “Sleep. ‘Night.” </p><p>I still have no idea what time it was when I got up through the night, but the next time I opened my eyes, it was light in the room and the bed beside me was empty.   </p><p>The light wasn’t hurting my eyes and I could move my head without it feeling like it was going to explode so I got very brave and lifted it off the pillow.  There was still a dull ache but on the whole, I was feeling really good. </p><p>Wandering out to the kitchen I found Tom brewing coffee.  Walking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my cheek against his back.  “Good morning, my love.  Thank you for looking after me last night and into the wee hours and I’m sorry I snapped at you yesterday afternoon.” </p><p>Turning around and taking me in his arms, he pulled me up hard against his chest and kissed my forehead.  “You’re very welcome and I’m glad to see you feeling better.  I admit you had me worried for a little while.  It’s not like you to have an asthma attack then get a migraine, especially as it’s been so long since you had either.  And as for getting snappy with me, it isn’t the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last time.  As long as you’re feeling ok.” </p><p>“I’m feeling ok, wouldn’t say great but I’m ok. I need to call Savannah and let her know I won’t be in until later, if I get there at all.” </p><p>“I’ve already done it,” he said.  “I thought it best to let her know you’d been a bit under the weather and to not expect you. I said if you felt better later you might go in.  She said she has it all under control and to tell you she’ll see you tomorrow and she hopes you feel better.” </p><p>“I’m sure I’ll be fine.  I’m going to take it easy for the rest of the day. What?  Don’t look at me like that.  I’m serious, I’m going to rest...” </p><p>“What, no swims where you nearly drown?  No runs to set the headache off again?” </p><p>“No.  Quite seriously, I felt awful last night and don’t want it to happen again so I am actually going to take it easy and probably claim the couch for the day.  What have you got on today?  When’s the radio interview for the series?” </p><p>“It’s today but I’m happy to put them off for a day if you don’t feel up to being by yourself.  It’s only a phone interview anyway.” </p><p>“No, do it.  I’m fine. I think I was just really tired.  Remind me to start drinking that sleepy tea I bought.  I keep forgetting to make it.”   </p><p>“Well, go sit and I’ll bring your coffee,” he told me. </p><p>Sitting on the couch, I reached over to pick up my phone when I noticed a rash on my arms.  Checking further I could see it on my legs and called out to Tom, “Um Tom?  I think something’s wrong.  Look.” </p><p>“What am I looki...oh.  Show me your back.  You’re covered in it, whatever it is.  I’ll call Jenny shortly and see if she can squeeze you in to see Neil first thing.  In the meantime...” </p><p>“...in the meantime stay the hell away from me in case I’m contagious.” </p><p>Apparently that was hysterically funny, as he started laughing. </p><p>“What’s so funny?” </p><p>“With the things I did to you the other night, I think it’s a bit late to worry about me staying away, don’t you?” </p><p>Come to think of it, he probably has a point. </p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>31.4 OFF TO THE DOCTOR</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>I know Tom said that it was probably too late to worry about me being contagious given we’d been in close contact for the last however long, but I just can’t help but feel he needs to stay away until I find out what’s wrong with me.  The headache is almost gone, after sleeping for what must have been close to 12 </span>
  <span>hours,</span>
  <span> I’m not feeling tired, it’s just this rash now – and it’s starting to get itchy.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe?  What time is it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost time,” he said. “Is it getting worse?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting itchy.  Seriously itchy.  Like, I want to rip the skin of my body kind of itchy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll call and see if Jenny’s there yet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I saw him with the phone at his ear and figured he was calling but I was so focused on not tearing my skin off that I didn’t hear whether he was talking or not.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No answer just yet,” he said coming over to me.  “Try hard not to scratch.  I’ll call again in a minute.  Is there anything I can get you? Anything I can do?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so,” I said.  “Do you think a shower might help?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try Jenny again.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Don’t scratch.  Don’t scratch.  Don’t scratch.  Don’t scratch.  I kept the mantra going in my head while waiting to hear whether Neil could see me or not.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, thanks Jenny,” Tom said as he pressed the end button.  “You might want to go get dressed.  Jenny said to head down now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>30 minutes later, sitting in Neil’s office my skin so itchy it felt like it was on fire, Tom was telling Neil about the asthma attack and migraine.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Any other symptoms?” Neil asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” I said.  “Just what Tom said and now this rash.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You threw up, remember?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, because of the headache,” I told him.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Neil looked at the rash and said, “It looks like a severe allergic reaction.  I can give you an antihistamine injection which should help.  Have you come into contact with anything different in the last 24 – 48 hours?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing that I can think of.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t changed washing powder, dishwasher tablets, shampoo, soap?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  The same as we always use.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks to be a contact allergy, that’s why I asked if you’d changed anything.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it have to be an all over contact or could it be something she’s touched then touched other parts of her body?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span> “It would have to have been something that touched a good part of her to have a reaction like this one.  It’s quite severe.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it have caused the asthma and the migraine?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s very possible.  Is there anything you can think of that you might have come into contact with that could have caused this?” Neil asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s really nothing,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just thought of something,” Tom said.  “Day before yesterday we were at the treetops adventure place.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I didn’t go anywhere that my whole body would have come into contact with anything.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but I did.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s you.  How would that affect me?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The shower?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Neil was listening to the conversation and jumped in, “Back up a bit.  Tom, what did you come into contact with?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was hot and dusty and sprayed myself down  with water from a fountain.  I wasn’t soaked to the skin but I was certainly quite damp.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And what does the shower have to do with it?” Neil asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“When we got home, we both showered together and...” Tom looked across to me as he trailed off.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And what?” Neil prompted.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And Tom pulled me back against him so my back was on his chest, then turned me around and pulled me against him again.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Neil nodded, “Had you washed yourself before that happened?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was wet but I hadn’t soaped myself.  We had a quick shower to wash the dirt off then both got in the bath where she was laying back against me again.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, pretty much full body contact?” Neil questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and I both nodded, “Yes. By the end of the night, definitely full body contact.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d say the fountain is the source of the problem, possibly something in the water or the stonework that you’ve reacted to.  And yes, if that’s the case it would be enough to make you quite unwell.  I’ll give you the antihistamine shot now, which will help with the irritation then just take an oral antihistamine each day.  You could try bathing in </span>
  <span>pinetarsol</span>
  <span>, that might help with the itch also.  See how you go and if there’s no improvement in the next 24 – 36 hours come back and see me, we might need to look at another injection.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After giving me the injection, Neil suggested I just take it easy for the day, drink plenty of fluids and stay away from any known allergens or irritants.  Tom said he’d make sure I behaved myself, which Neil thought was rather funny and wished him good luck.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you go,” Neil said.  “How’s the iron levels?  Have they been staying down?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“To the best of my knowledge my levels are fine.  I’m on six monthly blood draws and haven’t heard any different.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good news then.  Ok, get yourself home. Rest.  That injection should start to work fairly soon.  Any more problems, call Jenny and we’ll see what we can do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do. Thanks Neil.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom held the door for me and swatted my hand when he saw me scratching at my arm.  “Leave it alone, you’ll make it worse.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jenny laughed as she saw him slap my hand away and wished him good luck. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this?” I asked.  “Everyone thinking it’s funny and wishing you luck in getting me to behave.  Makes it sound like I’m difficult.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh stop,” I laughed.  “I’m not that difficult.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that depends on your definition of difficult,” he said, jumping to the side so he was out of arms reach.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Back at home, I was sitting on the couch reading, while Tom did the phone interview with the radio station, when Paddy came up to me with a ball in his mouth.  Taking the ball from him, I rolled it along the floor and he chased it but the ball got stuck beside the tv unit.  Getting up to get the ball, I noticed how dusty the tv unit was so went to get the duster.  Opening the linen closet to get the </span>
  <span>dust cloth</span>
  <span>, I noticed that some of the towels had been put in the wrong way and stopped to fix them and ended up tidying the entire closet.  Picking up the dust cloth I went to the kitchen to get the wood polish, might as well polish while I’m going.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dusting done, polishing done, I went to put the dust cloth in the wash and figured I might as well do a load of laundry.  Grabbing the towels, I looked and thought it was going to be a small load and decided to change the sheets on the bed.  Heading to the laundry, I threw everything in the machine and started it.  Returning to the living room, I noticed a dirty paw print on the floor, so figured I’d wash the floor but I’d need to vacuum first.  Bucket and mop at the ready, I vacuumed the floor in the living room and decided I might as well do the rest of the house while I was going.  Heading up the hallway towards our bedroom, happily doing my thing, I felt arms come around my waist to take the vacuum out of my hands and a voice in my ear, “And you wonder why people think you’re difficult.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. 32.1 I'm Not An Invalid, 32.2 Allergy Hangover, 32.3 Missy Takes Charge, 32.4 Behave Yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>32.1 I'M NOT AN INVALID</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>‘I’ll take it easy’, she said.  ‘I’m not going to do anything to possibly make me worse’, she said. And what do I find her doing? Vacuuming! Because that’s not going to set off an allergy of any kind is it?  No, not at all.  The dust that she stirred up doing the dusting wouldn’t possibly be considered an irritant would it? No.  And she wonders why I think she can be difficult.  Not difficult to get along with, just difficult to get to see reason. </p><p>“You said you were going to take it easy.” </p><p>“I did.” </p><p>“You said you weren’t going to do anything that could make you worse.” </p><p>“I didn’t.  I just did some dusting and laundry.” </p><p>“So, what’s with the vacuum and mop?” </p><p>“Well...” </p><p>“You’re hopeless.” </p><p>“...I saw a dirty pawprint and was going to mop it, but I'd dusted and it was on the floor so I decided to vacuum then do the mopping.  I thought your interview was going to go for longer than it did.” </p><p>“The interview was over quite a while ago.  I’ve been catching up on emails for the last half hour.  I heard the vacuum going and wondered what the hell you were doing.  Anyway, get your butt back on the couch, I’ll finish this.  How’s the rash?” </p><p>“It’s settling.  It’s not so itchy now.” </p><p>“Good. Now go sit down so we can keep it that way.” </p><p>“I’m not an invalid,” she said.  “I’m perfectly capable of running a vacuum cleaner over the floor and throwing a mop around.” </p><p>“I’m not saying you’re not capable of it.  I’m saying that you were unwell last night and told Neil that you’d be taking it easy today.” </p><p>“Which I am.  I’ve done some light housework, it’s not like I’m running a marathon or doing a huge workout.” </p><p>“You’re impossible, you know that don’t you?” I said shaking my head at her. </p><p>“But you love me anyway,” she laughed.  “And I’m not impossible.” </p><p>“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one my love. Now, if you’re going to insist on doing something, you can mop. I’ll vacuum so you’re not dealing with the dust.” </p><p>Rolling her eyes at me, she turned and went back to the living room, pushing the bucket with the mop in it and started mopping the floor while I finished doing the vacuuming.  After I’d finished, she came through with the mop warning me to be careful on the wet floor. </p><p>“Be careful walking back down there,” she called out to me.  “It’s wet.” </p><p>“I did figure that out actually, it’s usually what happens when you mop the floor.” </p><p>Not more than 5 minutes later I could hear her coming down the hallway and was about to call out and remind her that the floor was wet when I heard a thump and a clatter.  Springing up from the couch, I went running up the hall to find her on the floor, doing the splits and laughing herself silly. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Dumbass that I am, forgot the floor was wet and fell ass up.” </p><p>After I’d stopped laughing at her, I put my hand out and helped her to her feet.   </p><p>“Are you ok?” </p><p>“I seem to be.  Good thing I’m flexible.” </p><p>“As I said before, you’re impossible.” </p><p>“Not impossible, just uncoordinated.” </p><p>“Impossible,” I muttered under my breath as I walked away.   </p><p>… </p><p>“I’m going to head into work tomorrow,” she said a few hours later as we were laying on the couch reading. “I want to see if Savannah and Theresa are happy with the house the way it is.  I know it’s too late to do anything before they move in but I can still organise renovations if they want.” </p><p>“I thought Savannah said they were happy with the way things are.” </p><p>“She did, but I just want to make sure.  Are we helping them on the weekend?” </p><p>“Helping them move?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“I suppose we can.  Have they asked you if we could?” </p><p>“No, but I was going to offer.  I sent her a text before telling her I’d be in tomorrow and that she could have the day off to get everything done that she needs to ready for the move.” </p><p>“Did she agree to it?” I asked. </p><p>“She will.” </p><p>Laughing at her, I said, “She told you she wasn’t taking the day off didn’t she?” </p><p>“No, she just said that she was organised and didn’t need the time off.  I’m still going in and sending her home.  She must have heaps she needs to get done.  If nothing else she could start taking some of the smaller stuff over and get it unpacked, that way it’s only the bulky items and furniture they need to sort out.” </p><p>“We can go and see her now if you want to.  Actually, that might not be such a great idea.  How’s the rash?” </p><p>Sighing deeply, she held her arms out, “It’s fine, see?  Almost gone, not itchy.  I’m sure I can be seen in public without people noticing it.” </p><p>“Well, do you want to go now?” </p><p>“Even if we go now, I'm going in tomorrow.  I need to get back into the swing of it.  You’re a very bad influence Mr Hiddleston.” </p><p>“We’ll just wait until tomorrow then.  Would you like a coffee?” </p><p>“I’d love one actually.  Can I get up yet, I feel like such a sloth laying around doing nothing.  I feel like I should be outside weeding the gardens or something.  I can’t handle too much more of this,” she told me. </p><p>“Humour me ok?  Just take it easy for a while longer. Please?” </p><p>“But I’m really bored,” she complained.  “I’m feeling fine.  Honestly.  The headache’s gone, I’m not tired, not itchy and the rash is all but gone.  I’m going stir crazy laying around.  Can’t we go outside?  Weed the gardens, go for a swim? Something? Anything?” </p><p>“Oh, fine.  Come on then.  We’ll take the coffee outside and you can do your gardening.” </p><p>“Finally!” she said, swinging her legs off the couch and onto the floor.  “Glad you’re seeing reason.”  </p><p>I turned to say something to her as she stood up, put her left leg down not realising Paddy was there, stood on his tail causing him to jump and knock her off balance.  Arms cartwheeling trying to stay upright, she got the giggles as Paddy chased her thinking she was playing. He ended up crashing into her again causing her to fall over, then he jumped on her as she lay on the floor trying to fend him off and all I could do was stand watching and laughing as he lay across her, front legs over one side, back legs over the other effectively pinning her down. </p><p>“See, even the dog knows you should be resting.” </p><p>“Oh hush you and get this bloody animal off me,” she laughed. </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>32.2 ALLERGY HANGOVER</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I’m over this ‘take it easy’ thing.  Call me difficult, impossible, strong willed or just plain old stubborn; I don’t care, but I cannot do another minute of taking it easy.  It was an allergic reaction for goodness' sake. A headache, a bit of a problem breathing, a rash.  God help me if anything serious ever happens to me – I think I’d have to leave home for a while.  I can’t do this ‘wrap me up in cotton wool thing’, drives me to distraction.  I love him to bits, I really do, but he’s starting to drive me crazy.  One of us needs to go to work.  6 weeks of almost constant companionship is really pushing the boundaries of how much I can handle.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved every minute of it but as soon as I seem to be unwell, he kicks into overprotective mode and I lose my mind. </p><p>I’m currently outside weeding the garden trying to find a few minutes to myself. Won’t take him long to find me then I’ll get a lecture about sneaking... </p><p>“Darling?  Where are you?” </p><p>...about and not telling him where I’ve gone. </p><p>“I’m hiding,” I called back to him. </p><p>“Well, I’d appreciate you telling me that you’re hiding before you go and hide.  And why are you hiding anyway?” </p><p>“Because I need 5 minutes alone to be honest. 5 minutes without you asking me how the rash is and if I still feel ok.  I’m fine.”  </p><p>Looking up at him, I saw the hurt look cross his face.  Sighing, I stood up and walked over to him, putting my arms around his waist and hugging him before stepping back so I could see his face.  </p><p>“I know you’re blaming yourself for me having the reaction but you can stop.  It’s not your fault.  There’s no way you could have known it was going to happen.  I love that you’re concerned but, as with my knee, you have to trust that I know what I’m capable of.  I’m not a china doll that’s going to break.” </p><p>“I know you’re not, but do you have any idea how it feels watching you struggling to breathe, seeing you go blue around your mouth because your oxygen levels are dropping and knowing I'm the one responsible for it?” </p><p>“But you’re not responsible for it.  Whatever was in the fountain is what started it.  You couldn’t possibly have known.  I know it scares you to see me like that, but I’m fine.” </p><p>“Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel?” </p><p>“Terrified.  Which is why I haven’t had a hissy fit about you mollycoddling me, but I’d also trust that you knew your capabilities.” </p><p>He gave me a quick hug, kissed the top of my head and said, “Fine, I’ll leave you to it and go find something to do inside.” </p><p>“Not so fast.  I could really use some help with the weeding if you’ve nothing better to do.” </p><p>We spent the next half hour pulling weeds, laughing about what Diana’s reaction would be if she could see how hopeless we were at maintaining the flower beds she’d so lovingly planted. </p><p>“Well, we haven’t killed anything yet,” Tom said.  “She has to appreciate that.” </p><p>“I’m surprised we haven’t, to be honest.  Gardening isn’t my strong point.” </p><p>“We seem to have done a pretty good job at getting the weeds out.  Let’s go in, get cleaned up and think about what we’re going to eat.  I’m getting hungry.” </p><p>Laughing as he rubbed his stomach, I said, “You’re always hungry.” </p><p>… </p><p>“I’m going for a shower then going to bed,” I told him.  “I’ve managed to talk Savannah into taking the day off and doing all the last-minute stuff she needs to and she said if we wanted to volunteer to help them with the move, they’d appreciate the help.” </p><p>“Are you going to be ok seeing all their stuff in your house?” he asked me. </p><p>“Yes, because I know they’ll look after it for me.  Savannah understands what the house means to me.  We talked about it just after I offered it to them.” </p><p>“I’ll just lock up and then be in for a shower.” </p><p>Half an hour later, both of us showered and reading in bed, I asked, “What are you doing tomorrow?” </p><p>“I’m not sure really.  I don’t relish the thought of being here all day on my own.  It was rather boring the other day.” </p><p>“You can come with me if you want. I’m sure I can find something for you to do.” </p><p>“I can think of something we could do too,” he said, smirk on his face. </p><p>“Forget it Hiddleston. If you’re going to be with me, you’re going to behave yourself.” </p><p>“It was worth a try,” he laughed.  “What time do you want to head in?” </p><p>“Probably leave here at around 8.30.  I’d have left earlier if you weren’t coming, but you can go get coffee while I open the shop and get organised.” </p><p>… </p><p>As a rule, I don’t struggle to get out of bed of a morning.  Admittedly, I don’t bounce out of bed and greet the day with a smile like Tom, but I’m usually ok, go for a run, have a coffee and can function as a normal human being.  The last couple of days, I’ve just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep.  This allergy thing has clearly hit harder than I thought.  </p><p>Deciding exercise was probably the best thing for me, I pulled a pair of gym shorts and crop top on, put my shoes on and was ready for a quick walk.  Tom, as usual, rolled out of bed with a smile on his face, running gear on and was ready to go while I was still trying to get my brain to realise that I was actually up and awake.   </p><p>“You ok?” he asked.  “I know you’re not really a morning person but you seem to be struggling a bit.” </p><p>“I think this allergy thing has hit harder than I thought.  I’m ok, just a bit fuzzy in the head.  Exercise will do me good.” </p><p>“Have you been taking the antihistamine?” </p><p>“Yes, I have.” </p><p>“Got your inhaler?” </p><p>“In my pocket.” </p><p>“Take your phone in case you need me.” </p><p>“Yeah, I’ve got it.  I’m not going too hard or too far, just enough to wake up.” </p><p>We headed off together but parted ways at the end of our street, Tom running his usual route, me going for a brisk walk.  I felt better after a few minutes and was looking forward to a shower, coffee and a bit of routine for a change.  I think that’s another thing that’s contributed to my inability to get moving properly; lack of routine.  We’ve really had no routine at all for the last six weeks and have just done whatever we please.   I think the routine will do both of us good to be honest.  I feel I function better when I know what I’m doing and when.   </p><p>Arriving back home, I put the coffee on, headed for the shower and was drying off when Tom came in.   </p><p>“Coffee should be ready,” I said.  “What do you want for breakfast?” </p><p>“Just toast please love.  I’m going to miss our free and easy days but to be honest, I’m looking forward to having a bit of routine to our days again.“ </p><p>“I was just thinking the same thing.” </p><p>He smiled and said, “I’m proud of us for getting through six weeks of down time without going insane or getting on each other’s nerves.” </p><p>Sanity intact? Yes.  Not getting on each other’s nerves – well........   </p><p>
  
</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>32.3 MISSY TAKES CHARGE </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Unlocking the door to the shop, I held it open for Tom then turned the alarm off before relocking the door.   </p><p>He looked around and gave a bit of a nod, “Savannah’s done a great job at keeping it organised and clean.” </p><p>“Of course she has.  I’m not sure why you’re surprised.  You’re the one always telling me that she managed the shop perfectly fine on her own before we bought it.”  </p><p>“I guess I’m just used to your standards of being organised and cleanliness and I know not everyone matches those standards.” </p><p>“I wouldn’t have trusted her on her own if I didn’t think she’d keep it the way I expect it to be kept.  If anything, she’s probably more pedantic about things than I am.  That’s another reason I had no hesitation in offering them my house.” </p><p>“I can understand that after seeing this.” </p><p>Heading upstairs I had a little smile to myself when I noticed there wasn’t even a cup or spoon left out. We were both very alike in that respect.  You use it, you clean it, you put it away, that way you don’t end up overwhelmed by mess.  </p><p>“Do you want me to go get coffee or make one here?” </p><p>“Might as well just make one here.  I’ll be back up shortly.  I just want to go downstairs and see if there’s anything that needs done.” </p><p>“Save yourself a pointless trip.  I can tell just from looking around here that there’s not going to be anything.” </p><p>As Tom started the coffee machine, the phone started to ring and I moved to answer it. </p><p>“Marvelously Mischievous Missy speaking.” </p><p>“God that’s a mouthful of ‘M’s’,” Savannah laughed. </p><p>“Be thankful you only have to hear it and not try to say it,” I laughed.  “Why are you calling on your day off?  You should be organising yourself ready for your move.” </p><p>“I am organising myself.  I’ve got everything packed up and ready to go.  I’m just about to start cleaning as much as I can.  We’ve decided to book into a hotel tonight so we could pull the beds apart, that way everything’s ready to go in the morning.” </p><p>“Can you just hold for a second Savannah?” I asked. </p><p>“I can call back if you’re busy.  I just wanted to let you know about an order.” </p><p>“Not busy, just give me a minute,” I said, then turned to Tom, muting the phone.  “Savannah and Theresa are pulling their bed apart to save time tomorrow and were going to book into a hotel for the night.” </p><p>“No, tell them they can stay with us.  They can have the guest room.” </p><p>“You read my mind,” I said smiling.  “You there Sav? Tom and I want you and Theresa to stay with us tonight, not in a hotel.” </p><p>“It’s ok, we’ll stay in a hotel.  We don’t want to be an inconvenience or get in the way, but thank you.  I really appreciate it.” </p><p>“You have to be kidding me. Get in the way.  You’ve seen the size of our house; you’re hardly going to be in the way.  You can stay in Diana’s granny flat if you don’t want the guest room.  It’s stupid to spend money on a hotel when we’ve got plenty of room and we’ll be seeing you in the morning anyway.” </p><p>“Are you sure it won’t be an inconvenience?” she asked. </p><p>“Hold on Sav,” I said, then handed the phone to Tom.  “Tell her.” </p><p>“Hi Savannah, I’m going to assume that having the phone thrust at me and being told ‘tell her’ means I’m supposed to tell you that you’re more than welcome to stay with us tonight and that my rather persuasive wife has a point in that, it doesn’t really make sense to spend money on a hotel when we have more than enough room for you.” </p><p>“What’d she say?” I asked. </p><p>“Hold on Savannah,” he said then turned to me.  “If you’d give the woman a chance to answer me then I could tell you.” </p><p>“Just pass me the phone,” I said taking the phone from him. </p><p>“So it’s settled then.  You’ll be staying with us tonight.  Don’t worry about trying to organise food, you can eat with us.” </p><p>“Are you sure you don’t mind?” she asked.   </p><p>“Sav, if I didn’t want you there, I wouldn’t have offered.  It’s silly to spend money when you don’t need to.  The whole idea of this move is so that you and Theresa can save to buy a place of your own, so why spend money when you don’t need to?” </p><p>“Then I’ll very gratefully accept, thank you.” </p><p>“You’re very welcome.  We should be home by 6ish but if you’re going to be earlier than that, I’ll send Tom home to let you in, then he can come back and pick me up when he’s ready.” </p><p>“No, I don’t want to put anyone out.  We’ll probably be there for around 6.30 if that’s ok.  Gives me a chance to get heaps done here so I’ll hopefully only have a tiny bit of cleaning left to do.” </p><p>“6.30’s fine.  Now, what were you going to say about an order?” I asked. </p><p>“Oh, yes.  There’s a special order for Neeva Lynch under the counter.  She said she’d be in today for it.  Do you want to check for it while I’m on the phone just to make sure you can find it?” </p><p>“I will actually if you don’t mind holding.  I’d rather check now than appear like a bumbling idiot later.  Just running downstairs with you.” </p><p>“Don’t run, you’ll fall ass up knowing you.  You’re the only person I know that can trip over thin air,” Savannah laughed. </p><p>“God you sound like Tom,” I chuckled.  “Ok, hold on while I look.  Yep, got it.  Oh, you’ve already priced and bagged it.  You’re awesome Sav.  What did she order?” </p><p>“Should be three bras in there.  She’s a G cup and whilst we had that size, she wanted wider straps than the ones we had in stock so I said I’d order them for her.  She’ll probably be in mid morning.  Well, I’ll get going and get on with this and I guess I’ll see you tonight.  Thanks again Missy, you’re honestly the best boss in the world.” </p><p>“Not boss.  Friend.  And I'm just doing what any friend would do.  See you tonight.” </p><p>Checking the time, I unlocked the door a few minutes late, then headed back upstairs with the phone and was met with a coffee and a hug from my husband. </p><p>“Thank you for not minding them staying tonight,” I said to Tom.  “It just seemed silly for them to stay at a hotel when we have all that room.” </p><p>“I’m happy for them to stay.  Makes sense really because we can all get ready and head out together so they aren’t waiting on us and we’re not waiting on them.” </p><p>“Have I told you how wonderful you are?” I said, hugging him. </p><p>“Not today, no.” </p><p>“Well, you’re wonderful and I love you very much and, much as I’d love to stay up here with you, I best get downstairs and do my job before my manager decides to get pissed at me and tells me not to come back.” </p><p>Tom found that quite funny and tried to hold me in place, “I think I like the idea of your manager telling you that, means I get to keep you all to myself.” </p><p>Now it was my turn to laugh, “Says the man that told me he’s looking forward to some routine in his life again.  Go do whatever it is you’re doing.  I’ll pop back up later to see how you’re going.” </p><p>I turned to walk away and was halfway to the stairs when he called me back.  “Hey, you forgot my kiss.” </p><p>Turning back, I walked over and kissed him then headed for the steps, only to be stopped again with, “And what about a hug?” </p><p>“I gave you one.” </p><p>“I want another.” </p><p>Walking back, I hugged him, kissed him again, then headed for the steps.  I turned to see if he was going to say something again and caught him with his head tilted to the side watching me walk away. </p><p>“You right?” I asked. </p><p>“Well, I wouldn’t mind if you came back here then walked away again.  Your ass looks amazing in that skirt.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>32.4 BEHAVE YOURSELF</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think my ass looks good in this skirt?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yes, it looks amazing,” he answered. “Why do you think I keep calling you back.  I love to see you walking towards me, but in that skirt, I love seeing you walk away too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I was meant to be going back down stairs to work but as the shop was still empty there was no hurry so I walked back over to him, stood in front of him, took his hands and placed them on my ass as I wrapped my arms around his waist.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Your hands feel pretty good on my amazing ass,” I told him as I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the mouth.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed my butt in both hands and pulled me towards him but I put my hands on his chest and pushed myself back, just as I heard the bell on the door signal there was a customer.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have to go sorry,” I smiled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an evil woman Missy Hiddleston,” he called after me.  “Leaving me like this.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did tell you that you had to behave yourself if you were coming with me,” I said over my shoulder as I started down the steps.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was trying then you walked away and...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t hear what else he said as I'd reached the bottom of the steps and was in customer service mode now, smile on my face as I greeted the customer, “Hi, can I help you with anything?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed a little, looked around the shop and seemed quite shy, “I, um, that is, I err...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, I pointed to the stairs, and smiled, “I think you want upstairs.  If you’d like to follow </span>
  <span>me,</span>
  <span> we can go up and see if we can find what you’re after.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she said. “Is Savannah not here?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s taking a personal day,” I told her as we started upstairs.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You must think me so silly,” she blushed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all.  You at least managed to speak.  I had one girl come in, take one look at me, go beet red and run out the shop without uttering a single word.  She came back in an hour later with a friend and made the friend do all the talking.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re Missy Hiddleston, aren’t you?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s me,” I smiled.  “I own the shop but Savannah manages it for me.  She’s wonderful.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She is wonderful.  Always so helpful and friendly, she’s always really nice to me. I’m Karen by the way.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so she’s brought you up here before?” I asked. “And nice to meet you too, Karen.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, “Oh, no. She’s helped me with bras before.  Helped me pick which style would best suit me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no,” I said. “You came in to look at bras and I’ve brought you up to the adult section thinking...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no.  I wanted to come up here as well,” she laughed.  “Relax.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> thank God.  That would have been rather embarrassing on my part just assuming you wanted something when you didn’t.  Ok, just over here,” I said directing her to the wall with the toys. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was still blushing slightly but seemed more comfortable until Tom chose that moment to come out of the office. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey darling, what’s the pa.....oh, sorry,” he said seeing me with Karen who went fire engine red.  “I’ll leave you to it and check with you later.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about that,” I said.  “Now, is there anything here that seems to be what you were after?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I think I'll just leave it all today.  Thanks anyway,” she said heading for the steps and glancing towards the office area.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The poor woman seemed like she couldn’t wait to get out of the shop, so I </span>
  <span>apologised</span>
  <span> once again for Tom’s appearance and told her I hoped we’d see her again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.  He really is as tall as they </span>
  <span>say,</span>
  <span> isn’t he?” she said as she walked to the door.  “Thanks.” And with that she was out the door and gone.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed my personal phone and sent Savannah a text.  ‘Sorry for the disruption but Karen just came in, asked if you were here.  Wanted toys too but got scared off when Tom decided to make an appearance.  Hope we haven’t scared her off for good.’</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>My phone started to ring and I answered to hear Savannah laughing.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you get her up the stairs?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we were standing in front of the display when himself made an appearance and seemed to terrify her.  She bolted down the steps, headed for the door and left rather quickly – not before making a remark about how tall Tom was though.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You did well to actually get her up the stairs.  She’s been coming in for the last 4 weeks, bumbling and mumbling but won’t say what she wants.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just figured with the stumbling over her words and red cheeks she wanted the adult stuff but was </span>
  <span>too</span>
  <span> embarrassed to ask so I just took her up.  God, I’ve probably scared her off for good.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> I know what she wants, but she keeps coming in and wasting my time.  In all honesty I don’t think she’ll ever pluck up the courage to get what she wants.  She’s a right royal pain in my ass.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Savannah!” I exclaimed.  “I’ve never heard you talk about a client like that before.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> seriously Missy, you have no idea.  She comes in at least once a week, stutters and stumbles, takes up time looking at this, that and the other, then leaves without buying a thing.  I’m ready to tell her to either buy something or stop coming in. In all honesty, I think she’s been hoping to catch sight of either you or Tom.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>All I could do was laugh as I’d never heard Savannah so wound up about a customer before.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, I’ll let you get back to it,” I chuckled.  “And I’ll see you tonight.  Sorry for the intrusion.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I rang you remember,” she reminded me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Yes,</span>
  <span> but I sent you the text.  Anyway, I’ll see you tonight.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom came creeping down the stairs, looked at me and said, “Sorry about that, I didn’t </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> she was skittish.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“All good.  What did you want anyway?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was after a password but I figured it out.  How about a quick sashay across the floor for me so I can perve at your butt again?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you get your butt back upstairs?” I </span>
  <span>said</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you come up with me for a coffee...and you walk first.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re incorrigible,” I said as I started to walk towards the steps, making sure I kept my face turned from him so he couldn’t see the massive smile.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Guilty as charged,” he laughed.  “But you wouldn’t have me any other way.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He has a point </span>
  <span>there;</span>
  <span> I wouldn’t change him for anything.  He’s far from perfect, but he’s my perfect.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. 33.1 Looking Good Mrs. H, 33.2 Press It Gently, 33.3 A Little Wager, 33.4 And The Winner Is...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>33.1  LOOKING GOOD MRS. H</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Walking up the steps, Tom close behind me, I ended up getting the giggles knowing he was watching my butt as I took each step. </p><p>“What are you giggling about?” he asked, smile on his face. </p><p>“I can’t walk properly knowing you’re staring at my bum with every step I take.” </p><p>“You’re doing just fine from where I’m standing.  Did you know you roll your hips more when you’re in heels?” he asked. </p><p>“Can you stop?” I laughed.  “I’m not walking in front of you anymore.  You’ll have me so focused on how I move I’ll end up going ass up because I'm so focused on <em> how  </em> I put my feet rather than  <em> where </em> I put them.” </p><p>“You do know I watch you walk all the time, don’t you?” he said.  “Those blue jeans you have, the mid blue ones with the zip pockets?  They look good but the ones that should be illegal, are the shiny black ones.  They need to come with a warning.” </p><p>Staring at him, slightly gobsmacked, I said, “You know what pants are what?” </p><p>“Oh, absolutely.  I know what tops are what too.  Like that little pink one you have with the keyhole in the back?  That top molds to your body like it was sprayed on, and it looks stunning with those black shiny pants that should come with a warning.  How you get out the door when you’re wearing that combination is beyond me sometimes with the thoughts that run through my head.  And when you wear them with the black stilettoes with the bow on the front?” He bit his bottom lip as he said that making me laugh. </p><p>“You never cease to amaze me Hiddleston.  I can’t believe you know my wardrobe so well.” </p><p>“Well, it’s not like I have to think too much about mine,” he laughed.  “And I must say, you’re looking fine Mrs. H.” </p><p>“Stop it, you’re making me blush.” </p><p>“I know, and I love it.” </p><p>He made me a coffee after which I wandered back downstairs, served a few customers, then we had a quick lunch - chicken salad for me, roast chicken and salad sandwich for him.  The afternoon passed by fairly quickly with a steady flow of people in and out of the shop.   </p><p>By the time we’d finished for the day, Tom had worked out most of the program that we used for ordering, invoices, taxes and wages and was feeling quite pleased with himself.   </p><p>“It’s all quite basic really,” he said.  “The math side of things took me a while but the system works it all out for you anyway.” </p><p>“So does that mean you won’t need to come in next week?  I’ll be on my own?” </p><p>“I didn’t say that,” he replied.  “What am I supposed to do with myself while you’re here?” </p><p>“I’m sure you can find plenty to do.  If you come here with me, what are you going to do all day?  Sit up here by yourself.  Sounds rather boring.” </p><p>“Well, it wouldn’t be if you came up when there were no customers.” </p><p>“But it doesn’t look good if they come into an empty shop and I come thundering downstairs.  I should be down there ready to greet them as they arrive.” </p><p>“You don’t thunder down the stairs.  You’re quite light on your feet.” </p><p>“You know what I mean.” </p><p>“I do, but really, there’s nothing I can do at home that I can’t do here.  I’d like to be here with you, spend as much time with you as I can before I start work.  I’m not sure what the schedule will be like for the new series but given it’s 10 hours of tv, it will probably be quite punishing so I may not get to see a lot of you.” </p><p>“You’re not making this trip to the UK sound appealing you know.  I’m not sure what’s worse, the thought of not seeing you at all for six months or the thought of knowing that you’re an hour away and seeing you for a couple of hours a week.” </p><p>“Surely seeing me for a couple of hours is better than not seeing me at all?” </p><p>“Honestly? No.  It’s easier to not see you than to get fleeting glimpses.  When I know I’m not going to see you, I just get on with it.  Live for our phone calls and video calls.  It’s harder when I know you’re right there but not available.  I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.  It hurts knowing you’re so close yet so far away.  Anyway, let’s not think about it until the time comes,” I said checking the time.  “Let’s close up and head home.” </p><p>Closing up, we locked the door and headed for the car trying to work out what we should eat. </p><p>“Why not just get steaks and have salad with them?” I asked. </p><p>“I really feel like tacos,” Tom said. “But I know you’re not a big fan of them.” </p><p>“I’m sure I’ll cope for one night,” I replied.   </p><p>Stopping at the grocery store, Tom asked if I wanted him to go in or if I’d do it.   </p><p>“I’ll go,” I told him.  “I’ll only be 5 minutes.” </p><p>Opening the rear passenger's side door on the car, I placed the groceries on the back seat and was met with, “You’re late.  You said 5 minutes and you were gone for 5 minutes and 27 seconds.” </p><p>“Better than the 25 minutes and 27 seconds it would have taken you,” I said as I closed the rear door and opened the front. </p><p>“I can’t help it if I get stopped,” he shot back. </p><p>“Oh I was talking about how long it would have taken you without being stopped,” I laughed.   </p><p>“Cheeky brat,” he quipped. “Get in the car before I leave you behind.” </p><p>Arriving back home, we went inside, greeted and fed the dogs then Tom started coffee while I unpacked the groceries and started doing the prep for dinner. </p><p>“Here, let me help,” Tom said.  “You go get changed out of that skirt before I can’t keep my hands to myself any longer...and for God’s sake don’t put the jeans of=r black pants on,” he called after me as I went to the bedroom to change. </p><p>Pulling on a pair of yoga pants and singlet top, I headed back out to the kitchen where Tom was pouring coffee.  Looking me up and down, he smirked as he pushed the coffee cup into my hand. </p><p>“What was that look for?” I asked.  “I didn’t put the jeans or black pants on.” </p><p>“No, but I seem to remember yoga pants at the studio one day when I was in Loki costume, and a set production assistant who was smart enough not to interrupt.” </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>33.2 PRESS IT GENTLY</strong>
</p><p>“That was Savannah,” I said to Tom after getting off the phone.  “They’ll be here in about 10 minutes.” </p><p>“That works out well,” he said. “This should all be ready for around then but if they’re not quite ready to eat yet, it’ll keep ok for a half hour or so.” </p><p>“I might just go air out the guest room,” I said.  “It’s probably a bit stuffy.” </p><p>“I must admit, I do sometimes wonder why the hell we bought such a big house.  Seems pointless having all these rooms most of the time.” </p><p>“I know, but at other times we’re bursting at the seams and I think we need a bigger house.” </p><p>Going to the guest room, I opened all the windows, fluffed the pillows up and was about to get fresh towels when Tom walked in with them.   </p><p>“Those ones have been there for ages,” he said pulling the old ones of the towel rail and replacing them with fresh ones.  “I’ll put these in the with ours and they can get washed next time we do laundry.  Maybe we won’t bother putting fresh ones out until we need them.  Seems silly to keep washing them when they’ve not been used.” </p><p>“They can close up if they want to when they’re ready,” I said.  “Come on, they’ll be here shortly.” </p><p>I went to walk down the little hallway that led passed the formal lounge then the entry foyer when Tom grabbed me and pulled me back against him.   </p><p>“I’m feeling neglected,” he said. “You haven’t spent any time with me today.” </p><p>“Oh get over yourself, you big baby,” I laughed.  “I was at work.” </p><p>He started laughing and said, “But you left me all by myself for hours on end and I know you weren’t busy because I was watching you on the cameras.” </p><p>“You creep,” I laughed.  “Perving on me at work.  Ewww, makes me feel unclean.  I need a shower.” </p><p>“I can assist you with that,” he said refusing to let me go. </p><p>“I’m sure you could but as the girls have just arrived, it’s going to have to wait.” </p><p>“How do you know they’re here? And you’re a spoilsport.” </p><p>“Because I heard the intercom and you’ve told me on more than one occasion that I'm a spoilsport, that I don’t play fair or that I’m an evil woman.  None of which, as you can tell, I’ve lost any sleep over.” </p><p>“How can you lose sleep?  In order to lose sleep, one must first sleep.  This is a foreign concept to you.” </p><p>“You’re an absolute comedian, aren't you?” I laughed.  “Come on, they’re waiting to get in.  I need to hit the button.” </p><p>“Don’t hit it, press it gently,” he told me. </p><p>“Oh bugger off you,” I laughed.  “I am pressing it.  See?” </p><p>We were still laughing about hitting versus pressing buttons when the girls knocked timidly on the door.  Tom answered with, “I don’t know why you knocked, we just let you in the gate.” </p><p>“No offence Tom but I’d rather knock and know it’s safe to come in than find myself in a fitting room situation with Missy’s bare ass exposed to the world and you wi...you know what?  Let’s just leave it at, ‘it's safer to knock,’ shall we?” Savannah said, leaving Tom with his mouth hanging open and me laughing like a madwoman because Savannah ‘one up’ed’ Tom.” </p><p>With nothing left to say, he looked across at me, smirked and said “Savannah, always a pleasure to see you.  Theresa, you too.” </p><p>I was gone, couldn’t keep a straight face if my life had depended on it.  Seeing the look on Tom’s face at Sav’s sassy attitude, then Savannah’s face at Tom’s sarcasm was too much. </p><p>“Oh both of you knock it off,” I told them.   </p><p>Savannah and Tom looked at each other and dissolved into fits of laughter, both thinking they were quite funny.  “You two bounce of each other so well,” I told them. </p><p>“Only because we genuinely respect and like each other,” Savannah said while Tom made her laugh when he gave her a horrified look and said:  </p><p>“We what?  Since when?” </p><p>I looked across to Theresa and said, “We’ll leave them to it, I think.  Come on in. Have you got a bag or anything?” </p><p>“In the car,” she answered as we turned to head out to their car, leaving Tom and Savannah still trading insults. </p><p>“Oh, by the way, today I worked out that program you went to university for four years to learn.” </p><p>“Yeah and scared my customers off too.  Great for business you are.” </p><p>Theresa and I shook our heads and walked out the door leaving them to it. </p><p>“Could be a long night,” she chuckled. </p><p>“Go grab your bag and I’ll get you settled,” I told her.  “They’re just as likely to still be at it this time tomorrow.” </p><p>“Better bloody not be,” she said as I showed her to the guest room.  “I’ll muzzle both of them.” </p><p>“God I’d pay good money to see that,” I laughed. </p><p>… </p><p>We were still sitting around the table, chatting and laughing about different things that had happened in our various workplaces.  Tom making everyone laugh with some of his impressions of various people he’d worked with and some of the funnier things that had happened on set, swearing the girls to secrecy, which of course, they agreed to. </p><p>Savannah then told of a few funny stories which then led us to Karen and how she’d gone beet red on seeing Tom before fleeing down the steps. </p><p>“I’m really not sure what to make of her,” Savannah said. “I can’t quite work out whether she’s genuinely shy or whether there’s something more to it. All I’ll say is that I’d feel more comfortable knowing that either one of you aren’t alone in the shop.” </p><p>“Well, I wouldn’t be alone,” Tom said.  “I wouldn’t have the first idea of what was what, other than to know what I think looks good.” </p><p>Turning to give him a raised eyebrow look, I went to say something when he quickly added, “On you.  I know what looks good on you.” </p><p>“Good save,” Theresa laughed. </p><p>“I’d just feel more comfortable if Missy wasn’t left alone at the moment.  Karen’s probably harmless, but until I know what her deal is, I’d just rather you not be there alone,” she said to me.  “Actually, I’d prefer you not be there at all, but as it’s your shop it’s not really my place to ban you from it,” she laughed. </p><p>“Oh please, do it,” Tom said then turned to me. “I’d love to see you banned from your own shop.” </p><p>“You’re killin’ me.  You say you want routine back in your life then do nothing but try and get me to stay home again.” </p><p>Shrugging, he said, “I want it all.” </p><p>Shaking my head at him, I asked if everyone was done with dinner then started clearing the table.  Tom loaded the dishwasher after telling Savannah and Theresa to stay put when they offered to help. </p><p>“Not sure what you guys want to do,” I said.  “I was thinking maybe a game of pool?  I get bored beating him all the time, be nice to have someone else to play against.” </p><p>Tom, rolling his eyes, stage whispered, “She doesn’t really beat me, I let her win.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>33.3 A LITTLE WAGER</strong>
</p><p>33.3   A Little Wager  </p><p>“Ha! You wish you were good enough to let her win on purpose,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Have to let her think she’s still got it,” I said with a smirk on my face. </p><p>“I want to see this,” she said.  “First game, you and Missy, and I’m going to laugh myself silly when she wipes the floor with you.” </p><p>“Did you not listen?” I asked as we headed to the games room still giving each other grief.  “I just said I let her win.” </p><p>“I’ll be in shortly,” we heard from the kitchen. </p><p>I muttered under my breath, ‘I just need a coffee,’ which caused Savannah to turn and chuckle as we heard, “I just need a coffee.” </p><p>“You really do know each other, don’t you?” </p><p>“Yes and no.  We’ve spent so much time apart that she still surprises me but by the same token no one knows me like she does, and no one knows her like I do.” </p><p>“I so want that for Tess and I,” Savannah said. </p><p>“I don’t usually give advice but what I will say is this – don't ever take it for granted because you never know when it won’t be there, and don’t waste a minute of your time together.  I don’t have many regrets in life but spending as much time away from that beautiful woman as I have, is probably the biggest.” </p><p>Savannah and I went into the games room, the she turned to me, keeping her body angled to the door so she could see. </p><p>“Before Missy comes in, I wanted to just let you know I do have genuine concerns about Karen.  I don’t want to say anything too much to Missy, you know what she’s like, the more we worry the more she thinks we’re over reacting.  I’m sure I’ve seen Karen in the area around opening and closing time. It may not be her, but it looks like her.  When she comes in the shop, she really scopes the place out then she comes up with an enquiry about certain products before she leaves without a purchase.  She’s done it a couple of times now and I’m just worried...” </p><p>“What are you worried about?” the subject of our concerns asked. </p><p>“Worried about you embarrassing the customers assuming they want adult toys when they stumble over their words,” I laughed.   </p><p>“Oh.  Yeah.  I might have to suss them out a bit more before I naturally assume they want toys. That could have ended way worse than it did.  Can you imagine if someone filed a complaint against me?” </p><p>“I’d have to ban you from the shop for a week to teach you a lesson,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Where’s the official complaint form,” I said.  “I want to fill one in.” </p><p>“For what?” Savannah asked.  “Because your wife wouldn’t come to the party in the change rooms again?” </p><p>“Sassy tonight, aren’t we?” I laughed.   </p><p>“She’s like that all the time,” Theresa said.  “She’s just getting really comfortable around you now so you get to see what I put up with all the time.” </p><p>“No wonder you two hit it off so well,” I said looking from Missy to Savannah.  “You could be the same person.” </p><p>“Not quite. Savannah doesn’t want your....” </p><p>“...and I think we can safely leave that conversation alone, don’t you?” Savannah interjected.  “Are we going to watch Missy wipe the table with you or not?” </p><p>“Rack ‘em up baby,” my over confident wife said. “I’m ready to go.” </p><p>“You know that cocky attitude of yours is going to be your undoing one day, don’t you?” </p><p>“Probably,” she replied.  “But not tonight.  Tonight, I win.” </p><p>“How about a little wager?” I asked.  “Interested?” </p><p>“What did you have in mind?” she said, eyes fairly dancing with mischief. </p><p>“I think it best not to say it out loud in polite company.  Will you excuse us for just a moment ladies?” </p><p>“If it means I don’t have to hear more about your sex life then hell yes, you’re excused,” Savannah quipped. </p><p>“You don’t want to have more episodes in the change rooms when you heard me telling my lovely wife here...” </p><p>Savannah shoved her fingers in her ears, closed her eyes and started singing, “la, la, la, la, la,” really loudly while Theresa was doubled over with laughter.   </p><p>“She was so traumatised that day,” Theresa said, between guffaws.  “I kept asking her what was wrong and she just kept shaking her head telling me she didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to talk about it.  At first, I thought something was seriously wrong, but bit by bit the story came out.  She didn’t tell me who it was, just what had happened.  It was only after you bought the shop, she told me the whole story.” </p><p>“Yeah, and you thought it was hysterically funny and started laughing at me,” she said to Theresa.   “Took me the next two visits to be able to look Missy in the eye.  And you,” she said pointing at me, “you shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a lingerie store when you’re in that mood.” </p><p>“All worked out in the end,” I laughed.  “Although I have to admit, we were pleasantly surprised that you didn’t broadcast it all over social media.  We fully expected it.  Of course, that was before we knew you.” </p><p>Savannah smiled, “As you said, it all worked out in the end.  But if you ever do that again in the change rooms when I’m in that shop, I’m going to risk my sanity, fling that damn curtain open, video record it and post it all over social media.” </p><p>“No you wouldn’t,” Missy laughed. “You’ve far too much self respect for that.” </p><p>“I know,” Savannah agreed. </p><p>“Anyway, excuse us just one moment while I suggest the wager to my over confident wife.” </p><p>Moving away, I whispered what I thought our wager should be, and after about 2 seconds of consideration she agreed. </p><p>“All the more reason for me to wipe the table,” she said smiling. </p><p>“Just so everyone understands, the bet is that she has to sink all of her balls plus the 8 ball before I sink 3.” </p><p>“Coin toss for the break,” Theresa suggested. “Just to be completely fair.” </p><p>“I’ll even let the man of the house call,” my darling wife said, amid snorts of derisive laughter. </p><p>Hopelessly outnumbered and with at least two razor sharp wits to battle against, I decided to let it slide. </p><p>“I call head,” I said, tongue in cheek. </p><p>“You mean heads?” Savannah asked. </p><p>“If you say so,” I said trying to look innocent. </p><p>Missy laughed shaking her head, “Seriously Hiddleston, you’re hopeless.” </p><p>Theresa flipped the coin and it came up tails. </p><p>“Your call,” she said to Missy. </p><p>“I’ll break,” she said.  “I’ll give you a fighting chance.” </p><p>“I’m going to laugh so hard when that cocksure attitude of yours lets you down,” I told her. </p><p>“I’ll be the one laughing,” she told me.  “Now, out the way so I can get this game happening.” </p><p>“Damn, should have made a rule that there can’t be a soft break,” I said as she lined up her shot. </p><p>“No problem,” she said as she took the shot sending balls flying around the table everywhere but sinking none. </p><p>“Oooo, too bad,” I said, lining up and taking a perfectly placed shot.  “One down, I’m solids. Only 2 more to go.” </p><p>Considering her incredibly competitive nature she seemed rather relaxed about things, not really looking at the table, as she chalked the tip of her cue. </p><p>“You taking the shot or asking the ball out on a date?” she said, referring to how long I was taking to set the shot up. </p><p>“Is that a note of fear I detect?”  </p><p>She snorted, “Ha! Scared of what? Hurry up and take the shot.  I’ve got a game to win.  And I know you won’t lose this one on purpose,” she said as she licked her top lip with the tip of her tongue. </p><p>Lining the shot up, I drew the cue back, hit the ball and had a heart stopping moment where I thought it wasn’t going to go in the pocket.  Thank God it did. </p><p>“Worried yet?” I asked, looking around the table for my next shot.  “I only need this one to win.” </p><p>“You enjoy that feeling of minor victory while it lasts,” she said.  “Make the shot count because if you miss, you lose.  I’ll have this table wrapped up in less than 4 minutes.” </p><p>“You still that confident?  I only need one ball and you need your seven plus the 8 ball.” </p><p>“Still that confident.” </p><p>“I don’t know Missy, I think he’s got you this time,” Theresa said. </p><p>Savannah sat back, smiled and said, “No, he doesn’t.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>33.4 AND THE WINNER IS...</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>33.4  And</span>
  <span> The Winner Is...</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, all you have to do it sink it and you win,” I told him.  “Then you can collect on our little wager...at a later date.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>3 balls </span>
  <span>were</span>
  <span> all he had to sink compared to the 8 I had to sink.  He’d already got 2 so only needed this for the win, whereas I had yet to sink a ball.  Was I nervous? Hell yes.  Would I let him know that?  Hell no.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He lined up the shot and took it and I thought for sure he had it, but at the last moment the ball hit the cushion and deflected away from the pocket.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Game over Hiddleston,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t even got one in yet, how can you say that?” Theresa asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed and said, “Watch.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking around the table, I knew I could get a few but I have to be honest and say, I did have doubts about being able to clear the table, but there’s no way on God’s green earth I was going to show him any doubt at all.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He sat back, smirk on his face as I lined up my first shot and pocketed the ball.  The next three were easy shots and I got them no problem, but the next one was going to be difficult.  Lining it up, I took it and missed.  Damn.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Well, I</span>
  <span> guess that’s that then,” Tom said standing to approach the table.  “Do you want to admit defeat now?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, you still have to get the ball in the pocket,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not liking your chances Missy,” Theresa said.  “Think he might have you with this one.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to look at Savannah who gave me a worried look but said, “Still a chance he’ll miss.  God knows he should have had the game won before,” then to turned to Tom, “Can’t believe you missed that shot before.  Missy wouldn’t.  Good thing it’s you that only needed 3 Tom.  Had it have been the other way around, you’d have been on your knees begging for mercy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It won’t be me on my knees,” he said as he turned to her, laughing.  “Your loyalty is admirable but you can stop trying to put me off my game.  My darling wife let her confidence get the better of her ability so she deserves everything she gets. “Like I said, you still have to get the ball in the pocket so take the damn shot.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s stalling because he knows he’s going to miss,” Savannah giggled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking his head, silly grin on his face, Tom lined up the shot as Savannah said, “Pockets look so </span>
  <span>small,</span>
  <span> don’t they?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I looked across to her chuckling and held my finger up to my mouth shushing her so Tom could take the shot.  “</span>
  <span>Shhh</span>
  <span>, he’ll accuse us of cheating when he misses,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom, silly smile still in place, pulled the cue back then jabbed the ball forwards...and missed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all the bloody talking,” he said, giving his best ‘Adam’ look.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Get over yourself, Adam” I laughed, as I stood up.  “3 balls and the black yeah?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks that way,” Theresa said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Worried?” I asked Tom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet,” he said.  “Ask me again in two shots.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Two shots and I sank two balls. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like we’re even,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite,” he said.  “I only need one, you need one and the black...ok you need the black,” he said as I sank the last </span>
  <span>coloured</span>
  <span> ball.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“On your knees boy,” I said. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing at me, Tom watched as the ball sailed across the table, tapped the black square on causing the black to roll into the pocket and the white to pull up right beside the remaining ball on the table.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re ruthless,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing I turned to him and said in my best Tilda voice, “I’m a survivor baby.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theresa was sitting there shaking her head while Savannah laughed and said, “I got that reference” </span>
  <span>then got</span>
  <span> up and high fived me, “Come on Tess.  Our turn.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this, movie quote week?” I asked Tom as we sat and watched as Savannah and Theresa played, Savannah ultimately victorious.  We played doubles then reverse doubles before deciding to call it a night knowing we had a fairly early start in the morning to get the girls moved into my house.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Waking early, Tom and I went to the kitchen, put the coffee on and fed the dogs.  Last night, we’d told the girls to wander out when they were ready in the </span>
  <span>morning, and</span>
  <span> they appeared about 5 minutes after Tom and I.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t sure if anyone was up or not,” Savannah said.  “Can’t hear anything up in that room.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, that’s why we chose to use that one as the guest room.  It’s away from the main living area so we don’t disturb anyone staying in there.  Diana used to use it but we decided to build the granny flat for her so she could have her own space.  Coffee?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” they both said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Breakfast?” Tom said, fixing himself some porridge.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“For me, yes please,” Theresa said, “For her, no,” she finished off, pointing at Savannah.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Too early yet,” Savannah said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“See what I mean?” Tom said looking at me.  “You could be the same person.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not that much alike,” Savannah said.  “For a start, she likes boys.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” I said.  “And she doesn’t.  And we take our coffee different.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, we don’t,” Savannah said.  “I’ve stopped taking sugar.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’re still not that much alike,” I said seeing the look pass between Tom and Theresa.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later we were at Savannah’s place waiting for the truck to arrive so they could point out what needed to go on the truck and what was going in cars.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Once they’ve taken everything, I’ll stay here and finish doing the cleaning, then I’ll come over and join you so we can start getting it all sorted.  Are you sure you don’t mind helping?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We wouldn’t have offered if we didn’t want to do it,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she offered, I just got dragged into it,” Tom said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You said yes I asked you!” I said defensively.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m joking love, geez calm down.  Have another coffee, I brought the thermos flask.  It’s in front of the car.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I have to be honest, I even surprised myself at how snappy I just was.  More caffeine should fix it.  More caffeine fixes everything.  Just one little problem – I didn’t want coffee.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Something’s wrong,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? What do you mean something’s wrong?” Tom said, concern in his voice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laugh if you will but I was honestly kind of freaked out, “I don’t want coffee.  What’s wrong with me?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*The Adam and Tilda references are from Only Lovers Left Alive for those of you that haven’t seen it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. 34.1 Missy's Memories, 34.2 Mischief Maker Missy, 34.3 Just A Coincidence, 34.4 Backup From The Boys</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>34.1 MISSY'S MEMORIES</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean you don’t want coffee?” Tom asked me.  “You always want coffee.” </p><p>“I know.  That’s why I said I think there’s something wrong.  I just don’t feel like coffee.” </p><p>“But you’re snappy like you need it,” he said. </p><p>“Ya think!” </p><p>“Do you want something else?  Do you want tea?  I can go find somewhere to get you a tea,” he said. </p><p>“Just stop,” I said.  “I hate it when you do that.” </p><p>“What have I done now?” he asked. </p><p>“Trying to fix things.  Just stop it.” </p><p>He looked at me with a look of confusion on his face, shook his head and said, “At the risk of getting my head bitten off.  I’m a bit confused.  What do I have to stop and what am I trying to fix?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Are you ok love?” he asked.  “You actually look quite pale and you’ve got the shakes.  Look at your hands.” </p><p>Looking down at my hands I realised they were a bit shaky and I felt like I needed to sit down.  Like, right now.   </p><p>“I don’t feel quite right,” I said, sitting down on the grass in the front yard. </p><p>Going to the car, Tom came back with the flask of coffee and a banana.  “Eat it,” he said handing it to me. </p><p>Looking up at him and shaking my head, I said, “God no!  You know I can’t stand them.” </p><p>“Well you need to eat something. Sit tight,” he said going back to the car then returning with an orange.  “Here,” he said holding the orange out to me.  </p><p>“I don’t want it.  It’s too early.” </p><p>“No, it’s not.  You haven’t had your usual intake of coffee and you haven’t eaten.  Your blood sugar is low which is why you’re being such a bitch, have the shakes and feel so light headed.  Eat it.” </p><p>Glaring at him as I took the orange, I peeled it as best I could and ate it then had some coffee.  Within 10 minutes I felt fine, wasn’t shaking and was back on my feet, bitchiness gone.  I hate it when he’s right. </p><p>“You ok now?” he asked. </p><p>“Yes thanks, fine, and I don’t need the I told you so you’re about to deliver.  I got it.  I need to have more coffee in the morning.” </p><p>“Here’s a thought,” he said.  “Maybe you could try food instead of coffee.” </p><p>“And maybe you could go fu...” </p><p>“Truck’s here,” Savannah called out cutting me off. </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later most of their belongings were either on the truck or in our cars and we were ready to head to my house.  I need to stop calling it my house, it’s going to be Savannah and Theresa’s house for the next two years at least, probably three.  I still love that house so much, so many memories.  My safe place.  The first place I could ever truly call mine. I know they’ll look after it, so I’m not worried about it from that perspective.  It’s just hard dealing with someone else being in my house – I went through the same thing when the previous tenants moved in too.   </p><p>Maybe that’s why I was so snappy and feeling a bit off, just the thought of someone creating memories in a house that was full of my memories.  I know it’s ridiculous but there’s not enough room for two lots of memories and I know after today, I won’t go to the house while Theresa and Savannah are living there unless it’s completely unavoidable.  I’ll ask if I can talk to the three of them when we get unpacked, explain how I feel.  I know Tom and Sav will understand, and I’m pretty sure once Sav explains things to Tess, she’ll understand as well.  Well, that mood became rather somber didn’t it.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them to be in my house, and I want them to create memories for themselves; but I need to keep mine for me.  Every room holds a memory, especially the memories Tom and I created.  Anyway, enough about that.   </p><p>“Ok, well, you guys head on over to the house and I’ll stay here and finish cleaning then join you as soon as I can.” </p><p>“Do you want me to stay and do the cleaning and you go over to the house so you can get it all sorted out?” I asked.  “I can get Tom to come back and pick me up when he’s finished unloading the car.  I’m assuming there’s not a lot of cleaning to do anyway?” </p><p>“Only the living room.  I cleaned all the other rooms when we moved the furniture out but we had it all stored in the living room so I couldn’t clean it. I can’t ask you to clean.  I already feel bad that you’re helping us with the move.  It’s fine, it won’t take long,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Up to you but I really don’t mind.  I do need to talk to all of you at some point though but I’ll leave it until the unpacking is done.” </p><p>“Sounds rather ominous,” Theresa said.  “Everything ok?” </p><p>I smiled and put a cheery face on before answering, “Of course.  Just wanted to have a quick chat is all.  No stress.  Well, if you’re sure you don’t want me to do the cleaning, we’ll head over to my – sorry, your house, and unload.” </p><p>“I shouldn’t be too long,” Savannah said.  “Now, you best get going or the truck will be sitting there waiting.” </p><p>Getting in the car with Tom, he looked across to me, “You struggling with this move my love?” </p><p>“A little.  I’ll be fine.  Just...I’ll leave it til we’re all together.  I’m ok. I promise.  Just...silly I guess but that house is full of my memories and I don’t want anyone else to wipe them out.” </p><p>“It’s not silly.  I know what that house means to you, but you need to remember your memories live in here,” he said tapping my head.  “They’re not a physical thing.  There’s room enough in that house for an infinite number of families memories, but yours will always be yours. Nothing can take those memories from you.” </p><p>“You always know just what to say.  Thanks babe.  I know I’m being silly but it really kind of hits me here,” I said pointing to my heart.  “That house is not just me, it’s us. It’s where we began. It’s where I started to live.  It’s where I actually started to have hope that maybe, just maybe, good things could happen to me.” </p><p>“And our story continues where we are now,” he said.  “And it will continue no matter where we are. You deserve good things happening to you and I want to make sure they do.  Are you sure you’re ok?  You’re looking a little peaky.” </p><p>“I’m ok, just having a bit of an off day.  I’ll be right soon.  I feel a bit tired.  I’ll rest when we get home.” </p><p>… </p><p> <br/>The truck had been unloaded and the furniture positioned, moved, repositioned and replaced in the original position.  I didn’t blame them; it took ages for me to decide how I wanted things when I’d moved in.  We helped unpack boxes, put kitchen things where they needed to go then put trinkets and photos up.   </p><p>“I don’t mind if you want to hang a few things on the wall, just nothing with huge screws or nails,” I said.   </p><p>“I’d be more inclined to use the removable adhesive strips,” Sav said.   </p><p>Watching them place their belongings around the house, I tried hard not to let the memories flood my mind too much, but it was hard.   </p><p>Theresa caught me wiping a tear away as I surveyed the living room and asked, “You ok MIssy?” </p><p>Smiling, I nodded, “Yeah, just a lot of memories. Actually, can you come with me? I need to talk to you and Sav for a second.” </p><p>“Of course. You sure you’re ok?” she asked as we walked out to find Savannah. </p><p>Tom turned when he heard us enter the room, took one look at my face and was instantly by my side, arm around me, his quick movement making Savannah look up from positioning a photo frame.   </p><p>“I was wondering if I could have a quick word?” I asked. “As you guys know, this house means a lot to me and there are many, many memories here for me.  I’ll be honest, I feel a little silly saying what I’m about to and I don’t want anyone getting upset.  Because this house means so much to me, I’m going to struggle being here while you guys are here making memories of your own.  I don’t have room for your memories and mine for this house so, I hope you won’t be too upset if I tell you it’s highly unlikely I’ll visit you very often.  I just can’t do it.  I don’t want you to think I don’t want you here because that couldn’t be further from the truth; I love that you guys are living here.  I just can’t fit your memories in with mine.  Is that ok?  Am I making any sense at all?” </p><p>“Oh Missy,” Savannah said coming over to give me a very rare hug. “Of course it’s ok, but just know that you’re welcome to come over whenever you want to.  We’d love to have you, but fully understand if you can’t.” </p><p>“Thank you for being so understanding.  If you guys don’t need us for anything else we might get out of your hair and let you get organised.  I’ll be in on Monday so don’t worry about coming in.  Take your time settling.” </p><p>Savannah put her arm around me, and very subtly held me back a little, saying quietly. “I understand boss lady, I just want you to know that.  I understand all too well.  We’ll talk in a few days ok?” </p><p>Nodding, I gave her a quick smile as we caught up to Tom and Theresa. </p><p>Saying our goodbyes, we got in the car and Tom reached over, pulling me to him, his forehead against mine.  “Are you ok little one?” </p><p>“No, but I will be.”               </p><p>                           </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </p><p>
  <strong>34.2 MISCHIEF MAKER MISSY</strong>
</p><p>I know I’ll end up in trouble at some point today for hovering, but I know she’s having a bit of a tough time with Savannah and Theresa moving into the house.  It’s not that she doesn’t want them there, I’m sure she’s already mentioned that. It’s just what the house means to her; and to me to some degree.  If it was a little bit bigger, we never would have moved to our house now, we’d have stayed.  I did suggest doing an extension but that got shut down very quickly and I never brought it up again.   </p><p>“What do you want to do for the afternoon?” I asked her. </p><p>“I need to run to the shop, we’re almost out of milk and I need to get some fruit.  Anything you want?” </p><p>“What were you thinking about for lunch, or dinner for that matter?” </p><p>“No idea at this point.  I’m not hungry.  Did you have anything in mind?” </p><p>“You have to eat.  You’ve only had an orange so don’t tell me you’re not hungry, you must be.  And I was thinking antipasto.” </p><p>“Do you want to come with me?” she asked. </p><p>“You’re actually going to let me be seen in public?” I asked, with a mock look of shock on my face. </p><p>“It not so much you being seen <em> in </em> public as it is being seen in public with  you,” she said with a smirk. </p><p>“I’d say you could stay here and I’d go without you but that’s exactly what you want and it won’t work,” I laughed.  “And just for that, we’ll both go so you’ll have to be seen in public with me.” </p><p>“Oh, the horror of it all,” she said, voice dripping with sarcasm. </p><p> </p><p>We arrived at the grocery store, got the shopping trolley and started walking up and down the aisles – lucky me got to push the trolley (insert sarcasm and eye roll here).  </p><p>“Come on,” she said.  “What’s taking so long?” </p><p>“The fact that only 3 wheels are turning and it’s got a mean pull to the right isn’t helping me set any speed records here you know,” I grumbled. </p><p>“Excuses,” she said as she walked in front of the trolley.  “And don’t even think about following through on that thought you just had.” </p><p>“And what thought would that be?” I asked. </p><p>“Running into me with the trolley so you could trip me up.”  </p><p>I had to chuckle at how intuitive she is sometimes.  </p><p>Stopping to look for olives, I found the ones I wanted and put them in the trolley while she waited.  Moving off again, we’d gone past the crackers when she turned and said, “Can you get the water crackers?  Cracked pepper and normal please.” </p><p>I took a couple of steps back, grabbed them off the shelf then turned to put them in the trolley while she walked a couple of steps ahead.  Looking in the trolley, I noticed the olives weren’t there. </p><p>“Did you take the olives out?” I asked. </p><p>She turned back towards me and said, “Pardon?” </p><p>“Did you take the olives out of the trolley?” </p><p>“What olives?” </p><p>“I put olives in here,” I said pointing at the trolley. </p><p>“You sure?” she asked.  “And why would I take them out if you put them in?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” I said going back to get another jar. </p><p>Returning to the trolley, I noticed she was quite a few steps ahead and was having a quiet chuckle to myself about her comment about being seen in public with me, when I went to put the olives in and found the crackers were missing.  ‘I did put them in, didn’t I’ I asked myself.  ‘Yes, because that was how I discovered the olives were missing.’   </p><p>She turned back, “Are you coming or not?” </p><p>“The crackers are missing,” I said. </p><p>“What do you mean missing?” she asked.  “You just put them in.” </p><p>“I know.  But they’re not here.” </p><p>Shaking her head, she turned back and started walking, leaving me wondering if I was going mad.  This happened on and off the whole trip around the store, I’d put something in and something else would disappear.  I thought she was doing it but she wasn’t close enough to the trolley to be able to take the things out, put them back on shelf and get back to where she was without me seeing her do it.  I was beginning to think I was going mad until I turned back to get something but changed my mind and caught her with her hand in the trolley.   </p><p>“It is you!” I exclaimed as she burst out laughing.  “I thought I was going insane.  How the hell have you been managing to do it?” </p><p>She turned a little more towards me and it was then I realised the bag she had casually slung over her shoulder was much fuller than it had been when we came in.  She’d been clever enough to angle herself away from me so that I couldn’t see the bag and see how she’d been filling it. </p><p>“The look on your face was priceless,” she laughed.  </p><p>“Just remember payback’s a bitch,” I said with a smirk. </p><p>“Bring it on Hiddleston.  Give it your best shot,” she grinned.   </p><p>“What are you going to do with all that?” I asked pointing to the bag.  </p><p>“Buy it and put it in the charity hamper,” she told me.  “So this antipasto you wanted.  Was that lunch, dinner or what?” </p><p>“Whichever you’d prefer,” I answered. </p><p>“Can we save it for tomorrow.  I was thinking maybe we could go picnic somewhere tomorrow.” </p><p>“What about lunch and dinner today?” </p><p>“Let’s go to the pub for dinner,” she said.  “There’s a band on tonight, we haven’t been for ages and I’d really like to go.” </p><p>“It means being seen in public with me again,” I reminded her. </p><p>“Oh God, the hardships I have to endure,” she complained managing the biggest eye roll I’d seen in ages, before dissolving into a fit of the giggles. </p><p>“Darling, is that Karen?  That woman I terrified at the shop?” I asked nodding to a woman about 10 feet away who was trying hard to appear as if she wasn’t looking in our direction. </p><p>She glanced up, put her head down, then glanced up again at the woman attempting to conceal herself behind one of the shelves. </p><p>“Could be,” she said.  “I can’t see her properly.  Why?” </p><p>“I’ve not seen her around here before that’s all.” </p><p>Shrugging, she said, “Maybe she’s just moved to the area. Come on let’s get out of here. I want a coffee.” </p><p>“Feeling better then?” I asked.   </p><p>“Yeah.  Scared the hell out of myself before when I didn’t want that coffee.  I thought there was something seriously wrong,” she said as we walked to the checkout, me glancing around to see a dark head retreat quickly behind a shelf. </p><p>Paying for the groceries in the trolley...and her groceries in the bag, we placed the ones in the bag in the charity hamper before heading out to the car.  I’d just finished closing the door after stowing the groceries and was about to get in the drivers door when I thought I saw the same woman I’d seen inside the store, partially hidden behind a tree.   </p><p>Getting in and starting the car, I pulled out of the car space we were in and drove out of the carpark.  Glancing in the rear view mirror, I noticed a small red hatchback behind us, then a white SUV behind that.  Pulling out onto the road and heading towards our house, I noticed the hatch had gone but the SUV was still behind us, albeit some distance.   </p><p>“Where the hell are we going?” she asked as I turned down a street we don’t usually go down to go home. </p><p>“Thought I’d go this way.  Less traffic.” </p><p>“Yes, but it’s longer.” </p><p>“No one comes this way, I thought it might be quicker.” </p><p>I ignored the snort of derision from the seat next to me and looked in the rear view mirror again to see the white SUV some distance behind us.  My suspicions were confirmed. </p><p>Looks like we’re being followed. </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>34.3 JUST A COINCIDENCE</strong>
</p><p>I don’t know why he chose to come this way home; it always feels like it takes forever to me.  Doesn’t really matter I suppose, it’s not like we’re in a massive hurry for anything.   </p><p>“You ok?” I asked.  “You seem a bit tense and you keep checking the mirror.  You upset a cop or something?” </p><p>“Well, now that you mention it.  I thought maybe I’d attracted the attention of an undercover car but it’s turned off now so we’re in the clear.” </p><p>“You worry too much I swear.  Why would they follow you?  Did you do 2km/h over the speed limit you rebel?” I laughed. </p><p>“Oh ha ha.  You’re absolutely hysterically funny – not,” he said even though he had a huge grin on his face. </p><p>Once we eventually got home - told him it took forever going that way - we put the groceries away, he had a sandwich and I had some fruit, then we sat down trying to work out what we were going to do tomorrow. </p><p>“So, we’re agreed on a picnic lunch, yes?” he asked. </p><p>“Yep, we are.  What about the The Basin?  It’s a nice walk, not too busy and we can swim,” I suggested. </p><p>“Actually that sounds good.  Not too far away either. Right, that’s decided then.  Now, what time do you want to head to the pub?” </p><p>“I don’t know, did you want to have a few drinks before dinner?” </p><p>“I think I’d rather have dinner then a few drinks and listen to the band.” </p><p>“Works for me.  Head down for 6.30?” </p><p>“Sounds good.  Now, what shall we do until then?” </p><p>“Hmm, I seem to recall us having had a wager on a game of pool.  A wager you lost.  I think it’s time you pay up,” I said. </p><p>Turning to look at me, eyebrow raised, he smiled, “Oh you do, do you?  I think I could probably manage that.” </p><p>… </p><p>Debt paid, we ended up both having a nap and woke to see it was after 5pm.   </p><p>“Guess that’s my sleep quota for the day,” I laughed.  “I’ll never sleep tonight after that.” </p><p>“Maybe I’ll need to pay double on that wager and see if I can knock you out again,” Tom laughed. </p><p>“Might take you up on that yet.  I’m going for a shower,” I said as I got up and stretched. </p><p>“You look like a cat when you do that,” he said. </p><p>“This?” I asked as I put my arms up, stretched them out then stretched down through my back, slightly twisting my body, before stretching my legs out and standing on tip toes. </p><p>“Feels good because it stretches my spine.  I must have been laying at a weird angle,” I said rubbing the back of my neck. </p><p>“Sore neck?” he asked. </p><p>“Just a bit tight.  I’m sure it’ll be fine once I move around a bit.” </p><p>“Let me know when you’re about done, I’ll shower after you.” </p><p>An hour later, both showered, changed, dogs fed and me having had a coffee, we were ready to go.   </p><p>“Be good boys, both of you.  See you when we get home.  We won’t be too late,” I told Bobby and Paddy as they gave us sad, puppy dog eyes.  “Oh stop, both of you.  It won’t work.  We’ll be back a bit later.” </p><p>Tom drove there and I said I’d drive home so he could have a few drinks if he wanted.  I’ve never been a huge drinker but lately it just hasn’t interested me at all.  I’ll still have the occasional one, but I’m happy to drink juice or something so Tom can have a few if he wants. </p><p>The band on tonight was a covers band but they were really good, doing a lot of rock and grunge, my preferred music genres, so I was looking forward to hearing them. </p><p>We ordered dinner as soon as we got there, sitting up in the back corner where we usually do.  It wasn’t very busy yet, but we were sure that would change.  Tom went for a quick walk to see if any of the boys were here but found no one. </p><p>“You might have to content yourself with my company tonight,” I told him.  “How awful for you.” </p><p>“I know!,” he exclaimed.  “Imagine being stuck with your wife for the night.  God the horrors of it all.” </p><p>“My heart bleeds for you,” I said sarcastically.   </p><p>“You feeling better about the house and everything now?” he asked. </p><p>“Yeah, I am now.  Just needed to distance myself from it, I guess.  I know it’s silly but it’s just how I feel.  I can’t help it.” </p><p>The buzzer went off signaling our dinner was ready as Tom said, “It’s not silly, you can’t help feeling the way you do.  Are you going to stay here or come with me?” </p><p>“If you can manage both plates, I think I’ll just stay here.” </p><p>Just as he arrived back at the table, we saw Smithy and Johnno going to order food.  After they’d ordered, they had a quick look around appearing to be looking for a table when they glanced in our direction.  Tom gave them a wave and they came over to say hi.  </p><p>“Grab a seat,” I said to them.   </p><p>“Nah, it’s ok.  You guys are about to eat and we’ve only just ordered.  Don’t want to interrupt your meal,” Johnno said. </p><p>“It’s fine,” Tom said.  “Honestly.” </p><p>“You sure you don’t mind?” Smith asked.  </p><p>“It’s not busy so your food won’t take too long anyway,” I told them.  “Stay.  How’ve you been?  We haven’t seen either of you for ages.” </p><p>“It has been a while.  We thought maybe you’d headed off somewhere for work,” he said to Tom then turned to me, “Wasn’t sure whether you were going or not.  We remembered you saying you don’t always go.” </p><p>“No, we’re still here for now.  Heading to the UK soon though.  How you doing Johnno?” </p><p>“Doing really well.  We’ve just found out Sophie’s pregnant actually.  She might pop down a bit later if she feels up to it.  Not having a good time with morning sickness that seems to last all day.  This is the first time I’ve been down here for a while actually.  She knows I like the band so told me to come down and enjoy.” </p><p>“Hope she doesn’t suffer with it for too long.  Congratulations by the way,” I said. </p><p>We chatted for a couple of minutes longer while we ate then their order was ready and they went to get their food. </p><p> </p><p>Sticks and Sparky arrived just before the band started and we found a table with a good view of the band but back from the main crowd.  I saw Tom watching a certain area of the pub and followed his line of sight to see who he was looking at. </p><p>“Is that Karen?” I asked.  “Odd that we should see her at the shop then here.” </p><p>“Very odd considering I’ve not noticed her around here before.” </p><p>“She might have just moved here.” </p><p>Looking across to where she was, I saw her looking our way then she started making her way over. </p><p>“Oh, she’s coming over,” I said. </p><p>“Just be careful,” Tom said.  “I’ve got an odd feeling about this.” </p><p>“Really? Why?” I asked. </p><p>“Can’t explain it,” he answered. </p><p>“Hi,” she said.  “I didn’t know you came here.  I just wanted to apologise for running away like I did.” </p><p>“Funny, we were just saying we’d not noticed you around here before either,” Tom said.  </p><p>“Oh. Well, I’m new to the area,” she replied </p><p>“Just a little odd that we should see you at the grocery store this morning and now here tonight,” he told her. </p><p>“Just a coincidence,” she said. </p><p>  “A very bloody big coincidence,” Tom muttered.         </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                                      </p><p> <strong>34.4 BACKUP FROM THE BOYS</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boys picked up on Tom’s body language and </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> something was slightly off kilter and intervened basically telling Karen to leave.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Crazy fan?” Johnno asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Really not sure what to make of her to be honest,” Tom replied.  “She’s been to the shop a few times when we’ve not been there, talked to Savannah then left.  She came in yesterday and Missy was with her, then I came out of the office and she bolted.  We didn’t really think anything of it, thought it funny if anything, then Sav mentioned her and said something seemed a bit odd.  We were at the grocery story this morning and saw her, then tonight.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll keep an eye on her here,” Smithy said, looking to Sticks and Sparky who both nodded their agreement.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Johnno asked me if I was bothered by her and I was replying that I didn’t think anything one way or another, when I glanced up and saw Tom deep in conversation with Sparky, who was looking in the general direction of the place we last saw Karen.  Body language suggested that it was something I wasn’t meant to hear as they’d angled themselves away from me and were speaking quietly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom caught me looking at them and gave me a smile that reeked of insincerity.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Spill Hiddleston,” I said.  “What business are you trying your best not to involve me in?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing you need to concern yourself with at the moment,” he answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t give me that,” I responded.  “You’re freaked about </span>
  <span>Karen</span>
  <span> aren’t you?  Why?  She hasn’t really done anything other than be where we are.  It could be coincidence you know?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sparky looked over to me and asked, “Do you really believe that?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging, I looked to Tom, “Why are you so freaked?  You don’t usually let this type of thing bother you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“When Savannah tells </span>
  <span>me</span>
  <span> she’s got a bad vibe about someone being around you, I’m not ignoring it.  If it was </span>
  <span>me</span>
  <span> she was trying to get close to, I wouldn’t worry.  But it appears it’s you that seems to be the focus of attention.  Now, whether that’s a ploy to get to me or not, I really don’t know but it’s not something I’m taking chances with.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But she hasn’t done anything, and we don’t know that she will. Or that I’m the focus of her attention.  </span>
  <span>Of course</span>
  <span> it’s going to be me she has to speak to at the shop, or Sav if Sav’s there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What about just now?  It was you she came up to, didn’t even look at me until I spoke,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She was apologising to me for running away.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And got defensive when I called her on being at the grocery store.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You practically accused her of stalking us,” I exclaimed.  “I’d be defensive too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I can’t explain it.  I just have a bad feeling.  Please, just be careful,” Tom said, coming over to put his arms around me and hug me close in an extremely rare public show of affection.  “I couldn’t bear it if anything happened.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s right Missy,” Sticks said, throwing his support behind Tom.  “You can’t be too careful.  Chances are she’s harmless, but you never </span>
  <span>know.</span>
  <span>”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly think you’re over reacting. She came to the shop once and you scared her off, then we catch a glimpse of her at the grocery store and now here.  If she’s just moved to the area as she says, it makes sense we’d see her,” I told them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She followed us,” Tom told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Followed us where?  How?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t take that route home because of the traffic.  I took it because I saw Karen get into a white SUV and that car followed us from the </span>
  <span>time</span>
  <span> we left the carpark.  I wanted to see if it stayed with us going on the back roads – and it did until it became too obvious for her to stay behind us.  I have a bad feeling about her.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling my eyes and shaking my head, I told them all that I thought they were all over reacting and that it was quite probably completely innocent.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember when you took off in Newcastle and scared the hell out of me and I explained you could be a target because of me?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, I replied, “Yes, I remember.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is one of those times that I get scared.  I don’t know what’s going on and I worry about you being put in danger because of me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking back to how scared he’d been when I went missing (or walking as far as I was concerned), I kind of understood where he was coming from.  When I sat and thought about it, I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> he was right; I could be targeted because of him – but I don’t think this is the case here. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be a little more vigilant than I usually am,” I told the 5 male faces looking at me like I was a helpless child, “But just remember, I can kick ass just as well as you lot can.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We enjoyed the rest of the night without incident, all of us slightly more aware of the people around us than usual.  We said our goodbyes around midnight then I drove us home.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nice seeing the boys again,” I said.  “They’ll miss you when you’re in the UK.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll miss seeing them too.  I like that kind of friendship when you can go for a period of time without seeing each other then pick up as if you’d seen each other yesterday.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“A true friendship,” I said.  “I love the way they look out for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“For us.  They look out for us.  Sparky was genuinely concerned for your safety tonight after he found out Sav had concerns.  He knows Savannah isn’t prone to histrionics.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying Karen’s not a bit crazy, but I don’t think she’s anything to worry about.  I think possibly curiosity is getting the better of her.  Although it’s not like you’re the only recognisable face in the area.  Who knows?  I'm not letting it bother me.  We still going to The Basin?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you still want to go?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I really do.  I’m looking forward to it.  Hopefully it’s not too busy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I felt lips on the back of my neck before I’d opened my eyes and the first words to leave my mouth were, “need coffee.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The smell of coffee drifted to my nostrils as he said, “I thought I’d let you sleep for a while and bring you coffee while I </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> the picnic.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You thought you le’ me </span>
  <span>shleep</span>
  <span>?” I asked, speech still sleep slurred.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I woke to find our bed empty and thought you were up already so </span>
  <span>went</span>
  <span> to find you.  Couldn’t find you, so started looking and found you in here. Figured you’ve had a rough night.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha’ time wassit?” I slurred.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I got up about half an hour ago,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Opening my eyes, I looked at the clock beside the bed then turned to him, “Here cause I just got to sleep couple hours ago.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.  Rough night?  Not tired?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Exhausted,” I replied.  “But you and your few scotches seemed to think I didn’t need to sleep and you snored like a damn lumberjack all night.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you prod me to roll over?” he asked sincerely.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee, never thought to do that.  After the first dozen times didn’t work, I gave up and came in here.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.  Sorry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No matter.  You don’t do it often, which is a good thing or you might find yourself living at your mother’s place out the back.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll leave you to drink this,” he said handing me a coffee.  “I’ll go get the food for the picnic packed up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be out shortly,” I said.  “Just leave it and I’ll help.  I did some thinking while I was listening to you snoring your head off.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? What were you thinking about?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Other than suffocating you in your sleep to shut you up, I was thinking about Karen.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to know you didn’t follow through on the suffocation, thanks for that, and what about Karen?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we need to be careful.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. 35.1 I Refuse To Be A Prisoner, 35.2 Lighten Up Already, 35.3 Not Smiling Now, 35.4 She Said Pineapple</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>35.1 I REFUSE TO BE A PRISONER</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’m pleased you’re taking this seriously but I’m curious; what made you suddenly change your mind?” I asked her. </p><p>“You know when you see someone so often, they just become another face?  Like when you see the same person at the coffee shop each day, you stop really paying attention to them because you always see them.  You don’t really know what they look like, you just know that you’ve seen that face before so don’t think twice about seeing it.  Karen’s that face.  I’ve been seeing her around quite a lot.  Not up close, but just – around.” </p><p>“Around where? Here? The shop? Where?” </p><p>“Calm down Sherlock,” she told me.  “Just around.  I don’t know exactly.  Definitely at the local shops, other places too but I can’t quite place which ones.  With us having been together so much lately I guess I subconsciously notice people watching you and when I was laying there trying not to think about how satisfying it would be to shove a pillow over your face to stop you snoring, it came to me that I’d seen her face around.  I started to think about it and realised I’d seen her a lot, but always in the background.  She’s only just started to make herself known.  I’m sure I saw her walking past Marvelously Mischievous late last year, not long before we closed for the Christmas break, but I can’t be positive.” </p><p>“Can you recall having seen her around here?” I asked. </p><p>“Our house?” she responded. </p><p>“Yes,” I answered.  “Have you seen her around here?” </p><p>“I can’t be certain.  I really don’t recall but by the same token, I wouldn’t be looking for her.  Probably wouldn’t really notice her in all honesty.  I know I’ve definitely seen her around the shopping centre and near work.” </p><p>“I’m organising security to patrol the house and I want you to have someone with you.” </p><p>“I am not having a body guard,” she told me and was quite firm about it.  “I usually have you with me.  It’s not often we’re not together, only if one of us goes to the store without the other, or if you leave me downstairs at work while you’re upstairs.” </p><p>“Humour me and let me organise protection for you,” I told her.  </p><p>“No. Absolutely not.  I’m not living my life like a damned prisoner.  I don’t honestly believe she means any harm.  If she’s been around for as long as I think she has, then she’d have made her move already if she meant any harm.  I do believe we need to be more vigilant and a bit more careful, but I really don’t think she means any harm.” </p><p>“I’m not so sure.  Will you at least promise me not to go anywhere on your own?  Have me or Savannah, someone with you?” </p><p>“No.  I’ll be more careful and make sure there are people around me all the time but I’m not being babysat.  Now, can we forget about our little stalker problem and worry about enjoying our day?” </p><p>“I need you to take this seriously,” I told her. </p><p>“And I am but I’m not living like a prisoner.  End of discussion.  Thanks for the coffee, I’m going to get up and shower then we’ll get ready to go.” </p><p>I took the coffee cup from her and went to the kitchen cursing silently the fact that she was sometimes the most stubborn creature that ever graced this earth with her presence.  I was definitely going to be organising for a patrol to be done on the house even though we had a full alarm system with panic switches. </p><p>And someone to watch over her.  I don’t care if she screams, yells, rants and raves.  I’d rather listen to that than take the slightest chance of anything happening to her.  But, I might see if we can try and keep it on the down low so she doesn’t realise.  No sense poking a wasp nest and all that... </p><p>… </p><p>Pulling into the car park at The Basin, we decided to leave the food in the car for now and enjoy a bushwalk before going for a swim in the swimming hole.  The basin is situated in a state conservation area where you can camp, fish, kayak, bushwalk and swim.  A lagoon like pool, 120 metres (almost 400 feet) across, it’s actually part of the river Missy grew up on.  From the pool, the river travels about 150 kilometres downstream until it reaches the ocean.  22 metres (about 70 feet) at its deepest, it can actually be quite a dangerous place with underwater currents that can suck you underneath the water and hold you there, which is why it’s recommended you stay towards the edges and never swim alone.   </p><p>Before European settlement, the area was used as a meeting and trading place by the Aboriginal peoples of the area due to its abundance of food and fresh water.  Carvings can be found on the rocks in the area but are kept secret due to vandalism in the past.  These days it’s a beautiful spot to bushwalk, have a quick swim and picnic in.   </p><p>We were lucky and it was fairly quiet at the moment but we donned large hats and sunglasses anyway before setting out on our walk which took us to ‘Little Mountain’ - a scenic lookout overlooking the pool and camp grounds.  Wandering along at a leisurely pace, it only took us half an hour to complete the steep track before we were back at the car.  Getting the food and a picnic blanket out of the car, we picked a spot that was obscured by trees and set ourselves up.  The photo opportunities here were too good to pass up and it wasn’t long before she was happily snapping away, pointing out features she could see through the telephoto lens.  Laying back using a backpack as a pillow, I tuned out to the world around me and listened to the sounds of the bush, watched birds in the tree tops and enjoyed the warmth of the sun on me. </p><p>It was very relaxing and I could feel myself beginning to doze when I heard Missy swear, throw the camera down and get up.  Before I could get up to find out what was going on, she’d taken off at a run and was headed in the general direction of the carpark.  Springing to my feet and running after her, I called out but she didn’t respond.   </p><p>Finally catching up to her as she slowed down near the car, I said, “What’s going on? Why are you running?”   </p><p>Yes, I was thinking that Karen had made an appearance but it turned out that wasn’t the case and I could have cheefully throttled my lovely wife for scaring me half to death when she turned and looked at me and said, “I went to get a coffee and realised you’d left it in the car then had a heart stopping moment thinking we’d forgotten to bring it.” </p><p>Heart stopping moment, she said.  I’ll give her heart stopping moment. </p><p>“You scared me half to death,” I told her.  “I thought there was something seriously wrong.” </p><p>“If we don’t have coffee, there is something seriously wrong,” was the reply I got. </p><p>...</p><p>I've included a link for anyone that would like to read up on Bents Basin (referred to as The Basin in the story) Please don't feel obliged to. ust copy and paste to your browser</p><p>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bents_Basin_State_Conservation_Area </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>35.2 LIGHTEN UP ALREADY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Coffee found, words had and we were back on the picnic blanket, me still glaring at her for scaring me half to death, her sitting there thinking she’s an absolute comedian.  </p><p>“Oh for God’s sake,” she said.  “Lighten up.” </p><p>“You just got through saying, not more than 3 hours ago, that we need to be more careful, more vigilant because of this woman and now you go and pull a stunt like that.  In case you haven’t noticed – we have a stalker.” </p><p>“No, we don’t.  We don’t know what she is at the moment other than a pain in my ass for ruining your good mood of late.  Why is it that every time we get to a good point in life, something comes along and screws it all up?  Are we not meant to be happy?” she asked. </p><p>Sitting up and holding her hand in mine, I looked at her and said, “Of course we’re meant to be happy and yes, you’re right; we don’t know if she’s a stalker, but it’s sure looking that way.  I don’t want to ruin the vibe of late either but we really do need to be aware of who’s around us.” </p><p>“I am aware.  I told you this morning I’ve seen her around.  I’m sorry if I scared you just now but I just want us to have fun and not be constantly looking over our shoulders.  Why do people have to be so weird?  Why can’t they realise that you’re a human being just like anyone else?  I just don’t understand the mindset.” </p><p>I started laughing at that last remark. </p><p>“What’s so funny?” she asked. </p><p>“You are my love. You wonder why people can’t see that I’m just a human being yet you fought so hard about being with me in the beginning because of who I am, because of my celebrity.  You can’t have it both ways.” </p><p>“But that’s different,” she said.   </p><p>“How is it?” I asked. </p><p>“I don’t know,” she replied.  “It just is.” </p><p>Shaking my head at her, I decided to leave it and just enjoy the day.  We lay down on the blanket looking up at the clouds trying to make cloud animals, checked the trees for birds' nests and koalas then tried to identify as many different types of eucalypts as we could. </p><p>She stood up and took a quick walk down the pathway a little looking up at the trees seeing if she could see anything from directly underneath them.  While she was looking for birds and koalas, I decided to grab the camera and take a few photos of the swimming hole and surrounding area as the light had changed giving the area a slightly different look.  Walking back towards the light, I was able to take photos of her without her being aware. Using the telephoto lens but zooming out rather than in, I was able to get a good bit of the surrounding area in the shot, giving a different depth to the photo. </p><p>Walking back, she smiled, “You taking photos?  I look forward to having a look when we get home.”  </p><p> Noticing that it was beginning to get quite busy, we decided to pack up and head home.  We were loading the car when I noticed a white SUV tucked away at the bottom of the car park.  Instantly alert but trying to remain casual, I started taking furtive glances around the car park.  I thought I was doing ok until I heard, </p><p>“What’s got you on high alert?” </p><p>“There’s a white SUV parked at the bottom of the carpark; it looks familiar.” </p><p>“That’s because there’s about a thousand of them on the road at any given time,” was the answer I received. </p><p>“I know that,” I replied, “but there’s just something about this one that’s got me on edge.” </p><p>Trying not to be too obvious, we stood watching the car for a little while as well as looking around.   </p><p>“This is ridiculous,” she said.  “Let’s just go.” </p><p>As I was about to get in the car, I saw a man and woman heading in the direction of the SUV and decided to wait and see if it was theirs.  Stupid, I know, but I wanted to know who it belonged to.  As I watched, the woman, who was walking in front of the man, turned to say something to him, big smile on her face then I saw him sweep her into his arms and bend down to kiss her before unlocking the doors of the white SUV.  It wasn’t Karen and I couldn't help but smile at them as they reminded me of my darling wife and myself when we know that we’re pretty safe from prying eyes.   </p><p>Feeling more relaxed that it wasn’t anything to worry about, I gave myself a mental shake to dump the mood and enjoy the rest of the day with my charming companion. </p><p>… </p><p>Back home, car unpacked, coffee made, we were debating going to the pub for a drink of just hanging out here. </p><p>“What would you rather do?” I asked her. </p><p>“If you want to go to the pub, we can.” </p><p>“That’s not what I asked,” I said.  “What would you prefer to do?” </p><p>“You know how I feel about getting my photos sorted as soon as I possibly can so, to be honest, I’d rather stay home and get them sorted but if you want to go to the pub, I’m happy for you to go.” </p><p>“You sure you don’t mind?” I asked. </p><p>“I don’t mind.  I’m going to get a start on these photos while you get ready.” </p><p>“I’ll only be gone for a couple of hours at the most, maybe less,” I told her. </p><p>“All good,” she answered, focus already on the screen as she went through the photos. </p><p>I went into the bedroom and started to get changed when I suddenly got this feeling that I shouldn’t go, shouldn’t leave her alone.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I wasn’t sure what to do.  I was looking forward to hanging out with the guys but I couldn’t shake this feeling that I shouldn’t go.  Trusting my gut instinct, I decided not to go and instead, headed back out to the living room and sat down looking at the photos she had up on screen. </p><p>Turning to me she looked up, “I thought you were going to the pub.” </p><p>“I changed my mind.  I’d rather hang out here with you.” </p><p>“You’re weird,” she told me.  “I’ll be ok, I promise.  I’ll lock the gate, lock the door, set the alarm and carry the intruder alarm if it makes you feel better. </p><p>“I think I’d rather just stay here with you.” </p><p>“Suit yourself,” she said turning her attention back to the photos.   </p><p>“You could sound a little more enthusiastic about spending time with me,” I laughed. “Apparently there are women who’d give their eye teeth to be in your position.” <br/>
 </p><p>“Meh, don’t believe all the hype. You’re not all that,” she said smirk on her face. </p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>35.3 NOT SMILING NOW</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I’m so done with this Karen situation. I swear to God, if I see her out in the street, I’ll take her down myself and ask her what the hell her deal is.  We were in a really good place; Tom had finally backed off with all the overprotectiveness of my knee and every other imagined thing he felt I needed protecting from.  We were doing great; and now we’ve got this to contend with.  The most frustrating part is not knowing what her deal is.  Is she a stalker? Is she just a star struck fan who’s realised she lives near Tom now?  Is it even Tom she’s interested in or is it me – although I’d have to wonder why, if it was me – is she dangerous?  Or is she simply someone who’s just moved into the area and is shy when it comes to the things she wants in my shop?  I don’t know.  It does seem a bit weird that she’d follow us, and it’s quite coincidental that she’s turned up where we’ve been, but stranger things have happened.  Whatever it is, I want it done with.  I want life to return to normal. </p><p>Tom was sitting beside me as I was going through the photos and I came across some I knew I hadn’t taken. </p><p>“These photos you took are pretty good,” I said. </p><p>“See, I do pay attention to what you tell me,” he chuckled.  “Show me.” </p><p>Turning the laptop a little so he could see, he nodded his head.  “I’m definitely getting better.” </p><p>“You’ll be outdoing me before too long,” I told him only half joking.  </p><p>“I think it’s safe to say that that won’t be happening.  My eye is nowhere near as good as yours.” </p><p>“You look prettier in front of a camera than I do so it’s only fair I’m better behind one,” I laughed. </p><p>“Oh, I don’t know,” he said zooming in to the part of the photo with me in it.  “You look pretty good there.  Nice and natural.” </p><p>“Very natural,” I stated.  “I didn’t know you were taking photos of me.” </p><p>Scrolling on to the next photo, I noticed it was a little dark and was adjusting the light when Tom’s phone beeped, signaling he had a text message. </p><p>Checking the message, he swore under his breath, then started typing a reply. </p><p>“What’s got your knickers in a knot?” I asked. </p><p>“I just got a message from Sticks.  Apparently that woman was asking a lot of questions about you last night at the pub.  I don’t like it.  I don’t like it at all.” </p><p>“Why me? I don’t get it.  It’s weird actually because when she came to the shop, she asked if Sav was there, and when I said no she was on a personal day, she got a bit funny.  I thought it was because she was comfortable with Sav, but then she said to me, ‘You’re Missy Hiddleston aren’t you?’  and after that she seemed different, more relaxed or something, until you came out of the office and then she seemed to panic.” </p><p>“I’m not sure why it’s you, but can you understand why I’m worried?  Will you let me get someone to keep an eye on you?” </p><p>“I get why you’re worried, yes.  But I’m not having a bodyguard,” I said, then continued as he went to say something, “End of discussion.  And don’t even think about trying to get someone on the sly.  I’m serious.  I’ll be extra careful, I’ll make sure I’m not alone unless it’s unavoidable, I’ll even carry a panic alarm, but I am not having a bodyguard.” </p><p>“Do you have any idea how frustrating you can be?” he asked. </p><p>“I have a fair idea,” I replied.  “You tell me often enough.” </p><p>I’m not sure what the text message he sent back to Sticks said but there was no more from him so I shrugged it off and returned my attention to editing the lighting on the photo on screen. </p><p>“I really like that one,” Tom said.  “I like the way I got the shadow on half your face.” </p><p>“I quite like it too,” I said.  “I like the dappled effect here too,” I told him, pointing to a section of the photo that showed filtered light through the trees.   </p><p>“That rock has some unusual colours in it.  Look there,” he told me pointing a section of rock. </p><p>“I didn’t notice it when we were there.  Must have been the way the light changed as the sun changed position.” </p><p>Getting ready to scroll to the next photo, Tom put his hand out.  “Stop.” </p><p>“What is it?” I questioned, surprised by the tone of his voice. </p><p>“Look,” he said pointing to a spot near the rock. </p><p>“What am I looking at?” I queried. </p><p>“There,” he told me pointing to a spot.  “Zoom in.” </p><p>Zooming in on the photo, I held the laptop up closer. </p><p>“Put your glasses on,” he said. </p><p>“Ha ha smart ass,” I answered. </p><p>“No, I'm being serious.  Put your glasses on.  I want to make sure I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing.” </p><p>Reaching for my glasses, I put them on and took another look at the photo. </p><p>“Now can you see?” he asked. </p><p>“Yes.” I answered. </p><p>“Now can we get you protection?” he questioned. </p><p>I didn’t say anything, eyes glued to the screen as I nodded. </p><p>“Thank you,” he said.  “And I think we should probably alert the police.” </p><p>“I’m not sure they can do anything,” I told him.  “She hasn’t done anything to actually threaten me.” </p><p>“I’d say what she’s doing there is a pretty clear indication that she’s not trying to be your best friend,” Tom said. </p><p>I couldn’t look away from the photo of me standing looking up into the trees and Karen hiding behind the rock, hands in front of her, fingers positioned as if she was holding a gun...and pointing right at me.  If Tom hadn’t taken that photo, if I hadn’t needed to fix the light, we would have been none the wiser.   </p><p>“I’m glad you didn’t go to the pub,” I told him. “I wouldn’t have noticed her.” </p><p>“I was dressed ready to go when I got this feeling that I shouldn’t leave you.  I’m glad I listened to my gut instinct.” </p><p>Because of the alarm system on the house and the time, we decided to leave calling the security firm until tomorrow when Tom was going to get in contact with the police as well.  Savannah received a call telling her what was going on and with me apologising for not being able to cover her tomorrow after all.  She assured me it was fine and that they were settled in anyway so she was more than happy to go in to work. </p><p>“I need to run to the store, I forgot to get dog food.  Will you be right for 10 minutes on your own?” he asked me.  “I don’t want you coming with me.  You can set the alarms and lock yourself in here.” </p><p>“I’ll be fine,” I said.  “I’m more freaked out than scared to be honest.” </p><p>“I won’t be long.  Set the perimeter alarm as soon as the gate closes, ok?” </p><p>Watching him go, I set the alarm, locked the door and went back to editing the photos.  I’d been at it maybe 5 minutes when I heard what sounded like a door opening, coming from the direction of the games room. Weird, I thought to myself, the alarm was set.  If it was a door, why wasn’t the alarm going.  Checking it, I noticed it hadn’t set after all.   Paddy growled in the back of his throat; teeth bared, then started barking like I’d not heard before.  Shushing him, I went to investigate and got as far as the formal lounge when I was met with Karen coming from the direction of the games room.  Oh shit! </p><p>“Back up,” she told me. </p><p>Not willing to take chances yet, I did as I was told (for once in my life, I know right!!) and went back towards the living room.  Bobby was shaking and growling but Paddy looked like he was about to attack, his fur standing on end, low growl in his throat, teeth bared, body in position ready to spring.  Then she did something that put my heart in my mouth.  She pulled a gun and aimed it at the dog. </p><p>“Please don’t hurt him,” I said.  “I can put him on a chain, put him outside, just please don’t hurt him.” </p><p>“Put it out,” she told me.  “Just that one.  And if you try anything, you can say goodbye to this one.” </p><p>“I’m not going to try anything.  Just please, don’t hurt the dogs.” </p><p>I took Paddy out and pushed the lock across the doggy door to stop him getting back in then went back to the living room. </p><p>“Sit,” she told me. </p><p>I sat down and noticed that she was dressed almost exactly the same as me.  She’d done her hair the same way I had, wore jewelry similar to mine, even her shoes were like mine. </p><p>“If you were pissed about the customer service the other day at the shop, you could have just lodged a complaint,” I said.  (ever the smart ass I know, one day my mouth is going to get me in serious trouble) </p><p>Frowning she looked at me, then a slow smile spread across her face.  “You know, under different circumstances you and I could have been friends,” she said.  “I like your sense of humour, you’re funny.  But you have something I want.” </p><p>“My wardrobe?” I quipped.  “I like your style by the way.” </p><p>“Well, now that you mention it,” she said with a smile as she looked around.   </p><p>“So, the shy thing was an act?” I asked. </p><p>“Not really,” she said.  “You’re shy.  I’ve watched you.  You bluff your way through situations.  Fake it until you make it.  If it works for you, it can work for me.”  </p><p>She’s been watching? How long?  Clearly a while if she’s picked up on the fact that I am shy (don’t laugh, I am) and that I do bluff my way through certain situations. </p><p>“How long have you been watching me?  Why?  What could I possibly have that you want?” I asked (we all know I can be a bit thick sometimes, this was one of those times). </p><p>I noticed her looking at the photos of Tom that were on the wall, and the look on her face said it all. </p><p>“You want my husband?” I asked.  “God really?  He’s an overprotective pain in the bum.  He snores, farts, leaves the damn toilet seat up, becomes obsessive about his work to the point you may as well not exist for the entire time he accepts a part until it’s in the can, he’s away from home a lot and hates social media.  He is a pretty good kisser though.  He’ll do your head in within 5 minutes.” </p><p>“If he’s so bad, why are you with him?” she asked. </p><p>“I’ve asked myself that so many times and I still don’t really have an answer,” I told her. </p><p>“You don’t deserve him,” she told me.   </p><p>“Well, that’s debatable,” I said.  Seriously self, just shut up.  You’re digging your own grave here with your smart-ass mouth and attitude.  Just shut up. </p><p>“He deserves someone that worships him.  Someone that will put him above all others, above anything and everything else.  He should be worshipped.  You treat him like he’s dirt.  I know.  I watch.  You’re not good enough for him.  I’ve made sure I’ve got your look down pat because he seems to like it but I’ll treat him better than you ever did.”   </p><p>“Where am I going to be while you’re treating my husband so well?” I asked as my phone started ringing. </p><p>Both of us looked at the table and saw it was Tom. </p><p>Her eyes got this wild look to them and her breathing changed.  She was excited.   </p><p>“Look, if I don’t answer that, he’s going to know something’s wrong,” I told her. “You honestly have no idea how over protective he is.” </p><p>She seemed to weigh up the pros and cons of letting me answer then said, “Nothing stupid. Loud speaker” </p><p>Picking the phone up and putting it on speakerphone, I answered, “Hey babe.” </p><p>“What took you so long to answer.  I was getting worried.” </p><p>“I was on the loo.” </p><p>“Are you ok?  You sound funny.” </p><p>“I’m fine.  I just had to run to answer the phone.”  </p><p>“You’d tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn’t you?” he asked. </p><p>Looking at Karen, who raised the gun slightly, I said, “Of course I would.  I’m fine.  Anyway, what’s up?” </p><p>“I was just wondering if you want anything while I’m here.  I’ve got the dog food, was there anything else.” </p><p>“Pineapple,” I said. </p><p>“What did you say?” he asked. </p><p>“Pineapple.  Pineapple,” I repeated.  “Listen I need to go, I can hear Paddy scratching to get in. See you soon.”  </p><p>Ending the call, I pushed the phone to the centre of the table.  I was about to repeat my question about where I was going to be when she was treating my husband so well, when there was an almighty bang from the general direction of the laundry followed by scratching, then I could hear Paddy running.  I jumped up to try and stop him but as she turned, he ran toward her, then she pulled the trigger as I screamed.  Paddy dropped to the ground, then it registered – that bitch shot my bloody dog.  I love that damn dog and that bitch shot my dog. </p><p>Not thinking straight at all, I picked up the laptop pulled back and swung connecting with the side of her head knocking her off balance.  As she stumbled, I belted her over the head again with the laptop knocking her to the ground.  Screaming at her for being a bitch and shooting my dog, I started to punch her in the face and kept going until she didn’t move. </p><p>Jumping off her, I ran to Paddy, cradled him in my arms and sobbed like a lost child.  He was crying in pain, I was crying, Bobby was yelping and that bitch on the floor was moaning.  Somewhere in the depths of my mind, it registered that she was still alive and a danger. </p><p>Reaching for my phone, I called the emergency number and asked for the police, giving the operator a run down on what had happened only to be told a car had already been dispatched to the address I'd given and should be there shortly.  As I was talking to the operator, I could hear the sirens in the distance.   </p><p>“I need someone to get my dog to the vet, that bitch shot him and he’s hurting.” </p><p>“It’s ok honey, we’ll get him some help.  Just sit tight, ok?  The police will be with you shortly.” </p><p>“If my dog dies, I’ll kill her,” I told the operator.  “with my bare hands.” </p><p>“I know honey.  I know.” </p><p>Looking over to Karen, I noticed she’d opened her eyes and was looking at the dog whimpering in my lap.  That bitch smiled when she saw my poor injured baby. Leaning over, I picked up the laptop, took a look at it and figured it was broken anyway so whacked her over the head with it again.  Bitch isn’t smiling now. </p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>35.4 SHE SAID PINEAPPLE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>35.4  She</span>
  <span> Said Pineapple</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I’d got the dog food and thought I may as well check to see if there was anything else she wanted while I was out.  Dialing her number, I thought she’d have answered almost right away given the phone is usually right by her.  I was just about to hang up, dump the dog food and hightail it home, when she finally answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey babe,” she said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I could tell right away something wasn’t quite right.  She sounded anxious, stressed.  Asking if she was ok, she assured me she was, but I still had my doubts.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just wondering if you want anything else while I’m here.  I’ve got the dog food, was there anything else?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Pineapple.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you say?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Pineapple.  Pineapple.  Listen, I need to go.  I can hear Paddy scratching to get in.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pineapple – our safe word.  It means stop whatever you’re doing immediately, I don’t feel safe. Somewhere in the back of my mind, it registered she’d used our safe word.  Not the context I’d ever thought I’d hear her say it.  And her saying the dog was outside was another way of letting me know something was wrong. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shit, shit, shit.  She’s in trouble.  She’s not safe.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>For God’s sake Hiddleston; move.  My brain suddenly registered exactly what was going on.  Something was seriously wrong.  It had to be bad for her to use that word.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dialing the emergency number, I asked to be put through to the police.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My name is Tom Hiddleston, my wife is at home and she’s in trouble...yes that Tom Hiddleston, but my wife.  We’ve had a suspected stalker and I’ve just spoken to my wife who’s used a code word we have for when she’s feeling unsafe or in danger.  I know it possibly sounds farfetched to you but could you please send someone to check on her.  I’m 10 minutes away and leaving now.”  I gave them the address and assured them I was positive she was in trouble.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving the dog food, I ran from the store, got in the car and sped all the way home. If the police wanted to give me a ticket, they could damned well follow me home and give it to me once I'd assured myself she was ok.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled up to find two police cars already there.  Running from the car, I went to go inside but was met by an officer telling me I couldn’t go in.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going in,” I told him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry sir but I can’t allow you to go in just yet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s my wife in there and I’m going in.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry sir, I really can’t allow it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a few step backs, I waited until he was slightly distracted then ran straight at him, pushing past as he started yelling after me. I was horrified by the scene in front of me. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Karen was laying on the floor, making weird noises, blood matting her hair, but that wasn’t what scared me.  It was seeing the gun on the floor, my wife covered in blood, cradling the unmoving dog in her arms, sobbing her heart out.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up as she heard me come in, she glanced across to Karen, then down at the dog, sniffed and said, “Bitch shot my dog.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hurt?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, but that bitch,” she jerked her head in the direction of the woman laying semi conscious on the floor, “shot my dog.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, what a mess.  Are you ok?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Yeah</span>
  <span> but the </span>
  <span>laptop’s</span>
  <span> buggered.  Bitch shot my dog then smiled so I belted her with it again,” she said, then looked over at Karen and shouted, “Not smiling now are </span>
  <span>ya</span>
  <span> bitch, huh?  Shoot my damn dog.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Bobby?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s good.  They locked him in our bedroom.  They wanted to put him outside but I wouldn’t let them.  He’s scared.  He saw it all happen,” she replied, nodding at Paddy.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Unsure whether the dog was alive or not, I got down on the floor with her, and touched him.  Whimpering, he moved his head to look at me, then lay back down.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>One of the police officers came over and called me away.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got the local vet on standby to operate on the dog but you need to get him there.  We’re going to need to question your wife, so if you’d like to take the dog while we get started with what we need to do?  We’ve got ambulances coming also.  She insists she’s fine but we want her checked over and it’s obvious the other woman is going to need medical assistance.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she going to be charged?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Your wife or the other woman?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Either.  Both.  I don’t know.  Look I’ve got photos and can get people to tell you that the woman on the floor has been following us, asking questions about my wife...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, can I suggest you just get the dog to the vet?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to leave her,” I told the officer.  “She can be a little...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Difficult</span>
  <span>?  Challenging?  Vocal? Yes, we got that already,” he smiled.  “Given how she feels about the dog, I’d worry about getting the dog to the vet and ensuring he’s going to be ok or you might be hearing about this for a very long time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She can be all those things,” I told him. “But she’s actually quite charming once you get to know her and she’s not stressed out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Going back to her, I sat down and said, “Darling, you need to give Paddy to me.  The </span>
  <span>vet’s</span>
  <span> on standby waiting for him.  The officer here </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span> for the vet to come in after hours to fix him up for </span>
  <span>you,</span>
  <span> ok?  I’ll take him, then come back to you.  You’ll be ok for now.  The officers need to ask you some questions and the ambulance will come so the paramedics can make sure you’re ok.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.  Just get Paddy fixed up.  I’m not going anywhere,” then she looked over at Karen who was still laying on the ground, “neither’s she.  She moves and I’ll smack her again.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>No</span>
  <span> you won’t,” I told her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She shot my dog! She moves and I’ll belt her.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I know the situation is far from funny, but we humans are a weird bunch and inside all I could do was laugh at her saying over and over ‘bitch shot my dog.’  Of all the things that have happened, and could have gone disastrously wrong, her only thought was for the dog. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to let him go love,” I said as I went to take the dog from her.  “I’ll be careful with him.  I promise.  Do you know where she shot him?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right there,” she said pointing to where Karen was laying on the floor.  “Poor bloody dog just trying to protect me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I meant where the dog got shot, which part of him.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she murmured.  “Not sure.  He was jumping when the gun went off,” her voice rising in </span>
  <span>level, “</span>
  <span>because that bitch shot </span>
  <span>him, then</span>
  <span> he fell down and cried and... and...”  she couldn’t go on as a fresh batch of tears came.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh, it’s ok,” I said.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“...and I belted her with the laptop, knocked her out.  And now my </span>
  <span>laptop’s</span>
  <span> buggered.  Worth it though,” she said glaring at Karen.  “Come on, smile now and see what happens.  Yeah, that’s what I thought.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finally getting her to relinquish her hold on the dog, I cradled him in my arms carefully wincing when he cried in pain knowing it would upset her again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She stood, and stroked the dog then bent down to kiss him before she’d let me go with him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Be careful with him.  Make the vet fix him.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do </span>
  <span>everthing</span>
  <span> I can and I’m sure the vet will too.  We all know what Paddy means to you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The paramedics are here,” the police officer said.  “I’ll get you to take the dog sir.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at her bloodied and tear stained face, I smiled, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.  Please co-operate with the paramedics and don’t give them a hard time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just get him fixed,” she said nodding at the dog.  “I’ve survived worse than this; far worse. I’ll be fine.  More than I can say for that bitch...shoot my damn dog,” she muttered as she turned away to glare at Karen again.  “Honestly I’m fine.  We can both fall apart later when we’ve had a chance to process it all but for now, see to my dog.  I love you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” I told her.  “Try not to give anyone too much of a hard time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just that bitch on the floor,” she told me, taking a couple of steps toward Karen.  “Not so damn funny now are ya?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at the police office, I couldn’t help but smirk as I started towards the door, “Good luck with her,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The officer gave a bit of a chuckle, and </span>
  <span>responded</span>
  <span> with, “Thanks, I’ve a feeling we’ll need it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea,” I told him, smiling as I walked out. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. 36.1 A Very Lucky Lady, 36.2 I'm Fine, 36.3 A Shock Admission, 36.4 I Don't Want You To Be Strong For Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>36.1 A VERY LUCKY LADY</strong>
</p><p>36.1 A Very Lucky Lady </p><p>“Have you touched the gun?” I was asked as the police went to bag it. </p><p>“No,” I answered.  “I was a little more concerned about my dog than picking up a gun because that bitch shot him,” I said glancing over at Karen and raising my voice. </p><p>“So, you didn’t move it?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>“How many shots did you say she fired?” I was asked. </p><p>“Two, I think.  I don’t honestly know.  As soon as she shot Paddy, I knew I had to stop her.  I didn’t want to say anything while my husband was here but I think she may have taken a shot at me and grazed my leg.  It’s stinging like a bitch and yes, the blood on me isn’t just from the dog.   Am I in trouble for belting her over the head Constable...?” </p><p>“Senior Constable Perkins.  Justin.  And not if we can prove she’s been stalking you, or that you’ve been shot.  We’ll need your fingerprints just to be certain that you haven’t touched the gun.  Your husband said something about photos?” </p><p>“Justin, is it ok if I call you Justin?” I asked looking to him as he nodded. “Thanks.  My husband took some photos today but I’m not sure how many she was in.  I do know that we have at least one.  There could be more but I haven’t checked all the photos from this morning.  God was it only this morning, feels like a life time ago.  And you have my fingerprints on record.” </p><p>“Is this regarding something we should know about?” he asked. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Calling the paramedics in, Justin asked them to check me out and told them what I’d said about thinking I may have been grazed by a bullet.  After checking me over, they finally checked my leg and informed me that I had, in fact, been grazed by a bullet and was incredibly lucky. </p><p>“I’d like to take that gun and pull the trigger as I shove it up her a...” </p><p>“Do you have a copy of the photo your husband mentioned?”  Justin said, smirk playing around his mouth, cutting me off before I could finish what I was saying.  “Probably not something you should be saying in front of a police officer.” </p><p>“Humour Justin, it’s called humour and I can give you the memory card.  I’d uploaded them onto the laptop, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say it’s not going to be of much help given that’s what I smacked her in the head with.” </p><p>“Yes, I do understand the concept of humour and we’ll check if the laptop turns on shortly, if not we’ll take the card and check it out. Regarding your fingerprints being on file, is there anything we should be worried about?  Can you tell me what happened?” Justin asked. </p><p>“I’m not trying to be difficult but if you want to know my story, you can look it up.   I don’t wish to recall any of it, all I’ll say is I didn’t do anything, it’s all in my file.  As for today, I’ll tell you what I can.”    </p><p>I started to tell him what happened then remembered the alarm. “The alarm didn’t work.  I was sure I set the perimeter alarm but it didn’t activate, so either she’s been hiding here for a while waiting for her chance, or the alarm didn’t work. Actually, it couldn’t have worked because it didn’t sound when you guys came.  It might be on the cameras.” </p><p>“You let us in,” he said. “Do you not remember?” </p><p>“Oh, yes.  The panic alarm.  Well, it’s not really a panic alarm, but it is.  I know, I’m not making sense.  There’s a button on the personal alarm for the gate.  I used that to let you in.  But that still doesn’t explain why the alarm didn’t sound when she came in, unless she was already on the premises.” </p><p>“We’ll get someone to check the alarm and view the cctv footage.  Can you tell me what happened once she confronted you?” Justin prompted. </p><p>I continued telling my version of events, watching on as the paramedics attended to Karen then loaded her onto the stretcher before wheeling her out to the ambulance. </p><p>“What happens with her now?  Do I organise security for here?  Personal security for my husband and I?” </p><p>“We’ll have a police guard outside her room in the hospital and they’ll stay there while we go through photos and talk to the people your husband mentioned.  Clearly she’s going to be charged as we now know she’s shot at you.” </p><p>“Bloody hell.  I have to tell Tom.  He’s going to freak out,” I told him. “He’s not going to be happy.”   </p><p>With that my phone started ringing, “Speak of the devil.” </p><p>Excusing myself, I answered, “Hey, how is he? You’re on speaker. Is he going to be ok?  Are they operating? How long before we know if he’s going to be ok?  When will I be able to see him?” </p><p>“Slow down love,” he said.  “I’ve just finished filling in the paperwork and they’ve just taken him in.   It looks like she shot him in the back leg and the vet seems to think he should be ok.  He’ll have to stay for a couple of days just to make sure everything heals but you can come and see him tomorrow.  The vet will give us a call later, once he’s finished operating.  I’m just about to head back home.  Are you ok?” </p><p>“I’ve just given the police my statement.  They’ve taken that woman.   I’m fine.  I just want you here with me.” </p><p>“I’ll be there soon, ok? Have you been checked by the paramedics?” </p><p>“I have,” I replied. </p><p>“And what did they say?  Are you ok?” he asked. </p><p>“I told you.  I’m fine.  I just want you here,” I told him. </p><p>“I’m heading home now.  I still didn’t get dog food but I think there’s enough for tonight and we’ll get some more tomorrow. I’ll see you soon.  I love you.” </p><p>“I love you too.  See you soon.” </p><p>“You lie to your husband?” Justin asked. </p><p>“I didn’t lie,” I said quite indignantly. </p><p>“He asked if you were ok.  He asked if you’d been checked by the paramedics.” </p><p>“And I answered honestly.  I’m fine and I have been checked over by the paramedics.” </p><p>“You were shot at.” </p><p>“I was yes.  And when he gets home, I’ll tell him, but I’m not going to have him worrying while he’s driving home and risk him speeding to get to me.  I know my husband very well.  I can forget going anywhere, including the bathroom, unaccompanied for the next few weeks.  Let me just enjoy these last 10 minutes without him almost surgically attached to me, ok?” </p><p>Nodding, he picked up the laptop and opened it. </p><p>“Don’t like your chances of that turning on,” I told him.  “I suppose you’ll need to keep it anyway as evidence?”   </p><p>“I’m just going to check if it powers up.  I’d really like to see these photos.” </p><p>“Photo.  Singular.  As I said, I know there’s one, there could be more I didn’t check every one.  We were a bit freaked out over seeing the one we did see.” </p><p>Surprisingly, the laptop did turn on and apart from a small amount of pixilation in the bottom right corner, it worked perfectly.   </p><p>Handing the laptop over to me, he sat beside me as I brought up the photo we’d been looking at earlier and pointed to Karen hiding behind the rock.   </p><p>“Why didn’t you report this?” he asked. </p><p>“We were going to in the morning.  Tom was going to organise security for both of us and a patrol for the house, then we were going to call you guys.  We thought about it tonight but given the time, we decided to wait.  Tom went to get dog food and the rest, as they say, is history.” </p><p>“Can you scroll to the next photo?” he asked. </p><p>Scrolling along to the next photo, he asked me to zoom in on the rock again.   </p><p>“Here,” I said handing him the laptop, “You do it, that way you can look at what you want.  Besides, I’ve got a headache and the screen isn’t helping.” </p><p>I could hear Justin tapping the keys on the screen and see the picture changing and then he asked,  “Is this you?” zooming in and pointing to me looking at the trees. </p><p>“Sure is,” I said. </p><p>“How long were you standing there?” he asked. </p><p>“I’m honestly not sure.  It was a little while because I was looking up into the trees seeing if I could find any birds nests or koalas.  I didn’t know Tom was taking photos of me, if I did, I wouldn’t have stayed there that long.  Not a fan of being in front of the camera.” </p><p>“And this is the woman that shot your dog?” he asked pointing to a figure standing near the rock Karen had been behind. </p><p>“Oh my God.” </p><p>“I think you’re a very lucky woman,” he said.  “I can’t see you being charged with anything after seeing this.” </p><p>Seeing the photo of Karen holding her hands up in front of her pretending to hold a gun had been alarming enough.  Seeing Karen standing behind the rock actually holding a gun pointed at me was terrifying. </p><p>“I don’t understand,” I said.  “How could she do that.  She’s in broad daylight, anyone could have seen her.” </p><p>“In my experience people like this woman are singular minded and don’t appear to consider all the minor details, besides which, there doesn’t appear to be many people around.  You’re a very lucky woman.” </p><p>“It was pretty quiet at that point.” </p><p>Justin scrolled back to the first photo, the one Tom and I had seen then slowly worked his way through up to the one he’d just shown me.  The story told itself.  You could see Karen standing pointing her fingers at me as if she had a gun, the next photo showed her bending down, the next one showed something in her hands the next one was her raising her hands, then the last one was her pointing a gun at me. </p><p>Staring at the screen, I think the reality of the situation really hit me.  Having the gun waved around in the air wasn’t anywhere near as scary as seeing it pointed at me when I was clueless.  When she was waving it around, I could see it.  Knew there was a chance she’d do something with it.  I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind, I was working out ways of disarming her, stopping her somehow. Seeing that gun pointed at me in a photo was a totally different story. I didn’t know.  I was completely and utterly defenseless.  She could have shot me and we wouldn’t have had a clue who it was. What if she’d turned the gun on Tom?  What if something had happened to him?  What if it was Tom that confronted her when she broke into the house, would she have shot him?  Would she have shot the person I love most in the world, the person I can’t live without?  What if she’d taken him from me? </p><p>“Are you ok Mrs Hiddleston?” Justin asked.  “You’re shaking like a leaf.  Hold tight while I see if the paramedics are still here.” </p><p>I couldn’t stop shaking.  Not just little movements.  No, this was full body tremors – and I couldn’t stop. </p><p>I heard the voice and willed myself to stop shaking, knowing he was going to worry if he saw me like this, but my body wasn’t having a bar of it and I was still shaking when Tom walked in.  He took one look at me and ran over, trying to hold me. </p><p>“What’s happened?” he asked, trying to put his arms around me.  “What’s wrong?  My God, you’re freezing.  Hang on I’ll get a blanket.” </p><p>Justin came running back in with one of the paramedics in tow.  Apparently they’d been in the driveway just about to leave when Justin flagged them down and told them I was shaking uncontrollably. </p><p>The paramedic gave me the checked me over again, once they’d been able to convince Tom to move out the way, and I was told to lay down, feet elevated, blanket on.  </p><p>“I’d really like to take you to the hospital for observation,” I was told. </p><p>“No.  I’ll be fine.  I’ll just lay here for a while.  I just want to be with my husband.” </p><p>“I’m here darling,” Tom said, moving to stand within eyesight. “I’m not going anywhere.” </p><p>“I really think you should go to hospital.  With that gunshot wound you....” </p><p>“What gunshot wound?” Tom said, then shouted at the paramedic, “What bloody gunshot wound?” </p><p>“Calm down,” I told him. “It appears I got grazed by a bullet.  It’s just a graze.  I’m fine.  Look the shaking’s stopped.  I feel much better.  I think I just got overwhelmed by the photo.  Honestly, I’m ok.” </p><p>“What photo?” Tom asked.  “The one with Karen pretending to hold a gun on you?  And how bad is that ‘just a graze’ bullet wound? “ </p><p>“The photo of Karen actually pointing a gun at me.  And it’s quite literally just a graze.” </p><p>Looking at the photo, Tom’s face visibly paled and he sat down on the couch near me with an audible exhalation of breath.  “Holy shit. She could have shot you.  She could have killed you and we wouldn’t have known who it was.” </p><p>“But she didn’t.  I’m fine.  I just need you to be with me.  I need everyone to bugger off and leave us alone and I need my dog better and back home.” </p><p>“Keep an eye on her.  If she shows anymore signs of shock, get her to the hospital or call for an ambulance.  Shock is quite serious so please, don’t treat it lightly.” </p><p>“Trust me, I won’t be,” Tom replied. </p><p>“Mr and Mrs Hiddleston?”  </p><p>“Yes Justin?” I asked.  “Oh, sorry.  Tom this is Justin, Senior Constable Perkins.  He’s been absolutely wonderful.” </p><p>“I’ll leave you alone for tonight.  We’ll be back in the morning to go over the alarm system, check around outside and I’ll bring the statement for you to sign.  I’ve organised for a car to patrol the area for tonight and I just want to assure you that there’s a guard in position at the hospital. </p><p>“Thank you,” Tom said.  “I’ll see you out.” </p><p>After Justin had gone, Tom came back in, lay down beside me and wrapped me in his arms.  “She could have taken you away from me.” </p><p>“But she didn’t.  We’re both fine.  Hopefully Paddy is too.  Bloody hell!” I exclaimed. </p><p>“What is it?” he asked. </p><p>“Bobby!  He’s still locked in our room.  Come on, let’s go to him.  I just want to lay down with you.” </p><p>Together we walked to the bedroom and opened the door to a very timid Bobby.  Tom picked him up and put him on our bed, then we lay down and held each other, Bobby snuggling in between us.  </p><p>“I want my boy,” I said.  “He should be here with us.” </p><p>“I know darling.  The vet will do everything he can.” </p><p>We just lay there, not talking, not sleeping, nothing.  Simply holding each other.  We’d probably been laying there for about 10 minutes when Tom’s phone rang. </p><p>“Hello?” he said. </p><p>I could hear a voice but not the words, then heard Tom say, “Thank you.  We’ll see you tomorrow.” </p><p>“Vet?” I questioned as Tom nodded.  “Well, what did he say?  Is he ok?  Can I see him?  When can he come home?  Is he scared?” </p><p>“He’s going to be fine.  The bullet got him in the top of his back leg and apparently there’s no major damage but he needs to rest as he’s got stitches.  You can see him tomorrow but he’ll have to stay for a couple of days.  He’s going to be ok.” </p><p>Finding out my dog was going to be ok was enough to finally reduce me to tears. </p><p>I felt my husband's arms wrap around me as he moved closer to me, and it that beautiful voice of his said, “Shhhh, it’s ok, I’ve got you little one.” </p><p>
  
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  <strong>36.2 I'M FINE</strong>
</p><p>“I’m here little one, I’m not going anywhere.  Cry it out, I’ll hold you,” I said, pulling her close to me so I could wrap myself around her while we lay together on our bed.  Bobby climbed over to lay at her back, his soft whimpers indicating he knew she was upset.  He lay close to her putting his paws on her arms as if trying to hug her, no doubt distressed himself because his playmate was missing.   </p><p>“Those photos were terrifying.  What if she’d turned the gun on you?  What if she’d shot you?  What if she’d taken you away from me?  I couldn’t live without you,” she said, burying her head against my chest as a fresh batch of tears fell. </p><p>Is she serious?  Her dog got shot, she was lucky she only got a graze and she’s worrying about me getting shot?  Does she not realise that all the questions she just asked are very real for me?   </p><p>“She shot you!” I said.  “How do you think that makes me feel?  I should have been here with you.  We could have made do with something for the boys, cooked pasta for them.  I’m sure there must be steak or something in the freezer we could have fed them.  I should have been here with you.” </p><p>“She didn’t shoot me,” she said, looking up at me.  “She grazed me.” </p><p>“She still took a shot at you.  No matter what way you look at it, she took a shot and that scares the hell out of me.  I should have been here.  After we saw that photo, I should never have left you.” </p><p>“Look, there’s no point in us doing the would have, should have, could have thing.  It is what it is.  We’re both ok, Paddy’s going to be ok.  It could have ended way worse than it did.  I just freaked out seeing those photos knowing she could have taken a shot in public.  It scares me more to think of her hurting you than anything she’s done.” </p><p>“But it’s you she was after,” I said. </p><p>“Yes but what would have happened when you rejected her?” </p><p>“As you said, there’s no point in rehashing the what if’s and could haves.  Let’s just be thankful that we’re ok.  You are ok, aren’t you?” I asked. </p><p>“I’m fine.  I’m wiped out, stressed out, worrying about what I did to her head, but I’m fine.” </p><p>“Why are you worried about what you did to her? For God’s sake, she could have killed you.” </p><p>“But she didn’t and I bashed her pretty hard in the head – and not just once either.  I’m worried I might have fractured her skull.” </p><p>Looking at her incredulously, I shook my head then said, “Are you serious?  She shot your dog, she shot you and you’re worried you fractured her skull?  What the hell is wrong with you?” </p><p>“At the end of the day she’s a human being.  Ok she’s mentally unstable, and I totally relate to that,  but she’s still a person.  I know I called her a bitch and threatened to whack her again, and shove the gun up her ass and pull the trigger,” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing when she said that, “but I shouldn’t have belted her the way I did.” </p><p>“You threatened to shove the gun up her ass and pull the trigger?” I asked, still snickering.  “When was that?” </p><p>“When Justin asked me if I’d touched the gun.  I told him I hadn’t but I should have grabbed it and shoved it up her ass, but he cut me off before I could finish saying it,  then told me it was probably not the wisest thing to say in front of him.  I just shrugged and said the bitch shouldn’t have shot my dog.” </p><p>“I did warn him he’d need a lot of luck with you. I guess I should get up and feed Bobby,” I said.  “Do you want anything?” </p><p>“I’ll come,” she said.  “I’ll get coffee.” </p><p>“What about dinner?” I asked. </p><p>Shaking her head, she told me she wouldn’t be able to eat and that she’d just have coffee, but I managed to convince her to let me make her some toast.  I noticed she was limping a bit and asked if her leg was sore but she was rather non commital and just shrugged saying it is what it is.  She’d had to have a tetanus shot and would need to see Neil as soon as possible.  I think a visit to Michelle should be a priority also and if she doesn’t make the call tomorrow, I will be;  I’ll be calling my counsellor too. </p><p>“I’m going for a shower,” she said. </p><p>“Should you be getting your wound wet?”    </p><p>Sighing, she shook her head and said, “Probably not, but I can’t stay like this.  I need to get clean. I need to wash everything away.” </p><p>Interesting choice of words, I thought.  But I could see what she meant as she was still covered in blood.  I’d need to take the doona cover off the doona and change that too.  She won’t have it on the bed because she lay down while she was dirty. </p><p>“I’ll come and help you,” I said.  “We can wrap your leg in plastic wrap to keep it dry.” </p><p>“I can do it,” she said. “I’ll be fine.” </p><p>“I know you’ll be fine but I want to help.  I’ll just make sure you completely cover the bandage.” </p><p>“It’s ok.  I’ll do it.  You stay with Bobby, he’s pretty shaken up,” she said. </p><p>I looked over to where Bobby was laying sound asleep on his cushion then turned back to her and said, “He doesn’t seem too shaken up to me.” </p><p>Deciding it wasn’t worth the argument, I passed her the roll of plastic wrap and some tape and let her go, then went into our room, changed the doona cover for a clean one and turned the covers down ready. After I’d done that I thought I should probably call both lots of parents, hers and mine, to let them know what had happened and that everyone was ok as I had no doubt we’d be headline news within the next hour or so.  I was wrong.  We were already headline news.  Mum told me the story had just broken.  After assuring all the parents everyone was fine, I rang off and realised she seemed to be taking an awful long time in the shower. I wasn’t sure whether to risk getting myself in all sorts of trouble by checking up on her or just leaving her to come out when she was ready. </p><p>Deciding to take the chance and go check up on her, I called out as I crossed our room and headed into the bathroom, “You ok in there love? You’ve been in there an awful long time.” </p><p>Entering the bathroom was like entering a sauna; steam everywhere.  I could hardly see through it she had the water so hot, but when I finally did get to the shower and looked in, I grabbed her arm and ripped the loofah out of her hands.  She’d scrubbed herself so hard she’d actually brought blood to the surface in quite a few places, had a few abrasions and the rest of her skin was bright red.  Some of it, I’m guessing is from the heat of the water, but quite clearly a lot of it was from where she’s tried to rub the skin off.   </p><p>“Give it back,” she said.  “I need to get clean.” </p><p>“You’re clean.  You don’t need to get any cleaner.  You’ve hurt yourself.” </p><p>She started to cry then, pointing to her skin, “I can’t get rid of the red, the blood won’t go.”  </p><p>Stepping under the shower fully clothed, I winced at the temperature of the water. It was seriously hot.  Reaching out, I turned the shower off then pulled her to me and held her. </p><p>“I need to clean the blood,” she told me again. </p><p>“You’ve cleaned the blood honey.  It’s all gone.  You’re ok.  You’ve rubbed your skin too hard, that’s why it looks like there’s blood.  There’s none.  Look.” I said as I patted her with a towel and showed her the towel.  “See.  No blood.  Come on.  I’ll help you out the shower.” </p><p>Wrapping her in a towel, I dried her off, took the plastic wrap off her leg, by some miracle she’d left it on, then led her to the bedroom.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked down at herself, turning her arms this way and that, and checking her legs.  “It’s gone,” she said. </p><p>“It’s gone.  And look, the redness is starting to fade a bit.” </p><p>“I feel a bit lightheaded and they sting,” she said pointing to the abrasions on her legs.  “I think maybe I had the water a bit too hot. ” </p><p>“You did.  Are you ok for 2 minutes while I go throw these wet clothes in the hamper and grab something to cover them up with?” </p><p>Nodding, she watched as I walked across the room and when I came back out 2 minutes later, she was sitting exactly where I'd left her, eyes on the door, waiting. </p><p>“Here, let me put this on,” I said holding up some non stick gauze bandage. </p><p>She hissed when I put the bandage on her leg but thanked me when I was done.   </p><p>“Come on,” I said to her as I lay on my back, “Come lay down with me.” </p><p>Tucking herself alongside me, she lay on her side, leg thrown up over my leg, arm across my chest, head resting on my shoulder.  “Hold me,” she said.  “Don’t let go.” </p><p>“I’m not letting go,” I assured.  “Not now.  Not ever.” </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>36.3 A SHOCK ADMISSION</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>36.3  A Shock Admission </p><p>We both slept fitfully, waking often to reassure ourselves that the other was doing ok.  My legs were stinging where I’d rubbed the skin off them.  Stupid of me I know, but all I could see was red and I had to keep scrubbing until the red was gone, but the more I scrubbed, the redder my legs got, and of course, the redder they got the more I had to scrub.  Luckily Tom came in when he did or I quite possibly would have just rubbed them raw from top to bottom rather than just a couple of patches.   </p><p>Getting out of bed, both of us giving up trying to get any further sleep, I used the bathroom, then Tom used the bathroom before we both headed to the kitchen.   </p><p>“Coffee?” he asked. </p><p>Grabbing a quick drink of water, I answered, “I think I’m going to hit the gym first,” which earned me a raised eyebrow from Tom.   </p><p>“You sure you don’t want coffee first?” he questioned.  “You didn’t sleep much.” </p><p>“No, I want to work out first.  I’m just going to get changed,” I told him.  Heading into our room I put on a pair of gym shorts and sports bra.  I didn’t bother with a shirt; it’s our home gym and I hardly think Tom gave a damn what I wore.  Airpods in, I put music on and started stretching then moved onto the step machine to warm my legs up a bit, after that I did some weights then hit the rowing machine. It felt good to do something physical, although the abrasions on my legs were stinging a bit from the sweat.  After I’d used the rowing machine, I tossed up between the eliptical trainer and treadmill.  The treadmill won out in the end.  I’ve no idea how long I’d been on there but I saw an arm come from behind me and adjust the speed of the belt and when I went to complain, I felt him right behind me, feet on the outer edge of the machine so he wasn’t touching the belt and he turned it down so it was a slow walk. </p><p>“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” I asked. </p><p>“Saving you from yourself,” was the answer I got.   </p><p>“What do you mean?”  </p><p>“You’ve been in here for an hour and a half, you’re soaked and I can see the lactic acid in your legs.  Have you been on the treadmill at that pace for long?” </p><p>Shrugging, I figured I’d been on for a while because I could suddenly feel the burning in my legs.   </p><p>“I needed to...” </p><p>“Needed to what?” he asked. </p><p>“I just needed...I wanted to...” I trailed off as his arms wrapped around me and turned me around. </p><p>Wincing, at the pain in my muscles, I looked up at him as he shook his head, “You needed to hurt didn’t you?” </p><p>Nodding, I leaned forward and rested my head against his chest.  “I’m ok.  Honestly.  I just needed to...” </p><p>“Needed to hurt so you know you’re alive?” he asked. </p><p>“Yeah.  I could really use that coffee now though.  Don’t suppose you’d consider making me a fresh one?” I asked.   </p><p>“I already did,” he said, smiling down at me.  “That’s one of the reasons I came in.  Can you walk?” </p><p>“Yeah, might just need an arm to lean on until my muscles forgive me,” I groaned as I went to walk. </p><p>Leaning heavily on his arm, he helped me to the kitchen, sat me on a bar stool and gave my legs a hard rub to get the blood circulating, being careful to avoid the abrasions.   </p><p>“Might get a blanket to put over your legs for a bit,” he said. “Keep them warm and stop your muscles cramping.  Seriously love, the things you do to yourself.” </p><p>“What time can I see Paddy?” I asked, changing the subject.  “Did he say what time I could call?” </p><p>“You can call now.  They opened at 8a.m.  Not sure what time you’ll be able to see him.  Remember the police will be back today with the statement for you to sign and to check the cameras and alarm.” </p><p>“Do you know what time they were coming?” I asked.  “I hope it’s early.  I just want this nightmare over.  Am I going to have to go to court.  I don’t want to.  I don’t want to see her.” </p><p>“I’m not sure love, but if you do have to, I’ll be there with you.  We’re in this together. Always and forever.” </p><p>“Thanks for the rub, my legs are feeling a bit better.  I think they may even forgive me.” </p><p>While I was sipping my coffee, the intercom at the gate buzzed and Tom went to answer it. </p><p>“Yeah?” he asked. </p><p>“Mr Hiddleston, it’s Senior Constable Perkins.” </p><p>“Come in,” Tom said, buzzing the officer in. </p><p>5 minutes later we were sitting around the dining table, speechless.  </p><p>“I’m sorry.  Can you repeat that?” Tom said.  “I just want to make sure I heard you correctly.” </p><p>“Karen has confessed to everything.  She admitted that she’s been following you, that she pointed the gun at your wife, intended to harm her in fact but was stopped by your wife’s actions.  They intend having a bedside hearing today.  She’s been informed of the charges and has signed a statement admitting guilt.  Once she’s recovered, she’ll be moved from the hospital to jail.   </p><p>“How long will she spend in the hospital?” </p><p>“I really can’t answer that at the moment. It depends on what the doctors say.  She’s got a concussion and they’ve found a hairline fracture in her skull.” </p><p>Tom reached for my hand when Justin delivered that news then asked, “Are there likely to be charges laid against my wife?” </p><p>“No.  It was purely self defense and, as we have an admission of guilt, it will stand in court.  You have nothing to worry about.” </p><p>“Did she say why?” I asked.  “Are you able to tell me?  Why me? What did I do?” </p><p>“It wasn’t anything you did.  Apparently, she met your husband at a stage door in the UK a couple of years ago,” he said, then turned to Tom, ”Her statement said that you were kind to her, called her darling and mentioned her accent, saying that the love of your life was Australian.” </p><p>“I say those types of things to dozens of people.  It doesn’t mean anything,” Tom told him. </p><p>“We realise that,” Justin said.  “But she was convinced after that, that she was the love of your life and Mrs Hiddleston was in the way of her being with you.  She will be assessed by a psychiatrist but to be honest, I don’t think she’ll get a mental health exemption and the charges will stand.  Anyway, we’ve called the security company to come and review the cctv footage and to check the alarm.  We’ll be here for a little while but we’ll try to stay out of your way as much as possible.” </p><p>“Are we allowed to leave?” I asked.  “I want to see my dog.” </p><p>“We’ll need you to read through your statement and sign it.  We’ll also need the memory card with the photos.” </p><p>Standing up, I went to my laptop and took the memory card out, handing it to Justin.  “Do you have the statement with you?” I asked. </p><p>Taking the statement out of a folder he had with him, he handed it to me and told me to have a read through and make sure it was correct.  Tom had also given a statement that I hadn’t been told about as to the events from his viewpoint.   </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me you’d made a statement?” I asked him. </p><p>“I didn’t want you stressing out over anything else. You had enough going on without worrying about hearing me tell it from my viewpoint,” he told me.  “There’s no surprises in it.  Just my phone call to you, realising you were in trouble, calling the police and then getting here.” </p><p>“I just want to see my dog.  I want to touch him, pat him.  Let him know he’s a good boy.  Please, can I just go visit my dog.  Tom, please, make them let me see him.  He’s going to be scared and wondering what’s going on. I’ll give you whatever you want, sign whatever you want, just please, let me see my boy.” </p><p>Tom put his arm around me and pulled me close.  “We’ll see him soon love, I promise.  We just need to get the formalities out of the way first, ok?” </p><p>An hour later, they’d checked the perimeter alarm and found it to be working perfectly.  The cctv footage showed Karen scaling a wall and hiding near the games room, waiting until Tom had left before making a move. Our statements were signed and we assured the police that they could contact us at any time and we’d be happy to assist them with their enquiries.  </p><p>Finally, I called the vet and was told that Paddy was doing really well, better than expected in fact and that we were welcome to go and see him as soon as we were ready.  Holding hands, we walked out to the car, Tom opening the door for me and making sure I was seated before he closed the door then went around to his side.  I was like a cat on a hot tin roof I was so anxious to see my boy.  I kept my hand on Tom’s leg, needing that physical contact and every so often, he’d reach down and cover my hand with his.   </p><p>Arriving at the vet, Tom parked, then came around and took my hand as we walked into the clinic.  We were asked to wait in the waiting room and figured someone would come and show us through to where he was.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd look up and see my boy, tail wagging so hard his butt was swinging side to side, walking towards me, in his cone of shame. </p><p>He came running up to me and went to jump but cried out as he put all his weight on his back leg and ended up sitting awkwardly on my feet, head butting my knees, waiting for me to pat him. </p><p>“Oh, my brave boy,” I told him scratching him behind the ears in his favourite spot.  “Oh baby, look at you.  How you doing?  Are you behaving yourself?” </p><p>“He’s doing really well, better than we thought he’d be doing.  He needs to rest obviously and will be on antibiotics for a week and will probably need painkillers for a couple of days.  His stitches will need to be kept dry so if it’s likely your other dog will lick them, you might need to consider what to do.  You can spend a bit of time with him now, then if he keeps improving, there’s a slim chance you’ll get to take him home tonight but if not tonight then almost certainly tomorrow.” <br/> </p><p>“You hear that bud?” I asked the dog. “I might be able to spring you from this joint, you might be coming home.  How awesome would that be.  Shame that nasty lady isn’t around, you could have gone and bitten her on the bum because apparently I’m not allowed to shove the gun up her a...” </p><p>“Thank you so much for taking such good care of him,” Tom said, cutting me off with a smirk. </p><p>“He’s a good boy, aren’t you?” the vet nurse said.  “He’s a very lucky boy too.  I’m so glad everyone’s ok.  That must have been terrifying.” </p><p>Tom took over talking as I sat patting Paddy, I didn’t want to think about it much less talk about it.  I knew there was going to be a lot of talking when I saw Michelle, I’d save it all for then.   </p><p>After spending some time with Paddy, the vet nurse took him back to his crate and told us to give them a call late afternoon and they’d let us know whether he could come home or not.  I asked Tom to detour via the shop on the way home so I could have a quick chat with Savannah about the rest of the week as I’d decided I didn’t want to have to go in.  When we got there Maggie was there as well.  I think Savannah must have said something to her because she didn’t fuss, God bless her, just said she was glad I was ok and she was there for me if I needed her.  Work roster worked out, we headed back to the car where I rang Michelle who, it turned out, had been waiting for my call and had rescheduled a couple of her afternoon appointments to fit me in.  I asked if I could bring Tom with me as I didn’t want to be away from him at the moment.  She was more than happy to have him there on the condition that he leave the room if she felt he needed to.  </p><p>We headed home and had just walked in the door when Tom turned to me and asked, “Are you going to call Neil? I really think you should get those abrasions checked and after your workout this morning and the amount of sweat on you, you should probably get the bullet...”  he stopped, swallowed hard, grabbed me and pulled me close.  I heard the big gulps of air he sucked in as he tried to hold it together but he couldn’t and he sobbed on my shoulder, “I could have lost you.  She could have taken you away.” </p><p>“Nah, I’m far too stubborn.  Besides, there’s too many things I have planned in this life that will drive you crazy for me to go yet.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>36.4 I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE STRONG FOR ME</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>36.4  I</span>
  <span> Don’t Want You To Be Strong For Me</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I tried.  God knows, I tried.  I tried so damned hard to hold it together, to be strong for her, but the thought of her having been hit by a bullet because of me was just too much.  I know she says it’s ‘only a graze’ but the fact remains, she got hit by a bullet.  A bullet that could have taken her away from me.  A bullet she took because she married me.  I know she says we can’t play the ‘what if’ game, but I can’t help it. What if that bullet had been higher?  What if she didn’t think fast and hit Karen with the laptop?  What if Karen had pulled the trigger at The Basin.  They all result in the same answer.  My wife would have been taken from me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry love,” I said, wiping my eyes.  “I was trying to hold it together, trying to be strong for you but it just hit me that you could have been taken away from me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She put her arms around me and held me tight before pushing back and making me look at her.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be strong for me Tom.  I’ve got this.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’ve</span>
  </em>
  <span> got this.  Lean on me if you need to, if you want to, because I’m sure as hell going to be leaning on you when I need to.  We can do this.  We can get through it, but we need to keep the lines of communication open.  If you’ve got feels you need to tell me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to be strong for me,” I told her.  “I want to be the one that’s strong for you.  I should be able to be there for you.  God </span>
  <span>knows</span>
  <span> I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The withering glare I was given when I said that let me know I was about to cop an earful, so I braced for it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to be strong for me.  I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> you to be strong for me.  What I need is for you to be there for me when I need you, and I need you to let me be there for you.  Neither of us needs to be strong for the other, we need to be there for each other.  We’ve just been through a traumatic experience for which neither of us are responsible.  I know you’re blaming yourself; you can stop. It’s something that’s out of our control.  We’re going to have good days; we’re going to have bad days.  There are going to be times when I need you with me, by my side, need you to hold me; there are times when you’re going to need the same.  Then there are going to be times when we need to be left alone for a little while to process how we’re feeling.  Both of those are fine as long as we talk it through.  We both need counselling, individually and together.  We’re going to be fine.  We’re going to get through this, but it isn’t going to happen in a day.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She truly never ceases to amaze me.  She can be the most frustrating creature God ever put breath into, she can be stubborn, opinionated, oppositional and downright annoying but then she goes and says something as deep and meaningful as this, which actually makes perfect sense and reminds me that she’s a survivor.  She has an inner strength that surprises even her sometimes, she’s had to.  At least this time she has me to lean on, to support her, to be there for her.  Last time she had no one, she did it on her own with the help of her friend Kate and a network of health care professionals.  I’ve never had to deal with anything as traumatic as this and I’m not entirely sure how to process it.  All I can think of at the moment is that she could have been taken away from me.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I became aware of her staring at me; no, not staring, she was reading my facial expressions, my body language and her tone softened when she said, “I’m ok, I promise.  I’m not great, but I’m doing ok.  I have you with me, and let me tell you, I need you, need to know you’re there for me to lean on, to touch.  But I’m here for you too.  We’ve got this, but we need to do it together.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I told you how much I love you?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not today, no,” she answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“For where thou art, there is the world itself. And where thou are not, desolation</span>
  <span>.” </span>
  <b>
    <span>*</span>
  </b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She moved closer to me and hugged me, kissed my neck then whispered in my ear, “You’re my world too, my love.  Now call the doctor, my leg’s stinging like a bitch.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I made the call to Jenny to see if we could see Neil and, like Michelle, they’d been waiting for the call.  She said he was pretty busy but if we could get there in the next 20 or so minutes, she’d be able to squeeze us in.  That worked well because we could see Neil then go and see Michelle before we rang the vet and hopefully brought Paddy home.  Bobby had been walking around looking for him and was fretting a little that his ‘big brother’ wasn’t around. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you good to go?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably should change,” she answered.  “Be easier if I’m in shorts that way he can get to the dressing on the bul....on the wound and change it without me having to strip off, plus if it’s a bit sore after he’s done and I’m in jeans, it might rub.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok well, you go get changed and I’ll wait in the car.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No!”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t leave me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t.  I’ll be right here waiting for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chewing her bottom lip, she hesitated before finally giving a half nod.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you mind?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not.  What was it you said, we need to be there for each other?  I’m here for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After she’d changed, we made sure Bobby was ok then walked out to the car, me opening the door and settling her before going to the driver's side. As I started the car and drove off, she kept her hand on my leg as she had done when we drove to the vet.  I wasn’t complaining, it was nice having that physical contact.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Neil took a look at the abrasions on her leg, raised an eyebrow and said, “It’s been a while since you’ve done this.  What’s going on?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I had blood on me, mine and the dogs, and I needed to get it off,” she said very matter of </span>
  <span>factly</span>
  <span>. “I got a bit carried away.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“More than a bit.  You’re seeing your psychologist, yes?” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She assured him she was seeing her this afternoon and Neil looked to me with a questioning look and received a small nod in answer. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He cleaned the abrasions, put some salve on them then covered them with some </span>
  <span>non stick</span>
  <span> gauze, telling her to leave it in place for another 24 hours.  After he’d taken care of the abrasions, he removed the dressing on the bullet wound and had a good look at it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you had a tetanus injection?” Neil asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not since this was done no.  The paramedics just dressed it and told me I’d need to see you to get it fixed up properly.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s clean so that’s a positive.  I have to be honest, it’s deeper than I expected it to be.  When Tom said graze, I was expecting it to have just nicked you but it’s actually quite a significant wound.  Did you feel the bullet?” he asked as Tom’s head came up quickly to look at me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“To be honest, it registered I’d been hit with something and I felt a burn, but I was so focused on stopping her after she shot the dog that I didn’t really think too much about it; it was only when I knew she wasn’t getting back up that I really let myself feel anything.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As he was dressing the wound he said, “I’d really like you to come back each day to have the dressing changed, at least for a couple of days and you need to keep all of this dry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We used plastic wrap last night, will that be ok?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It should be fine.  Just keep it dry.  And no more </span>
  <span>scrubbing</span>
  <span> ok?  You’ll need a tetanus injection and I’ll give you some </span>
  <span>antibiotics</span>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Great, a sore arm to go along with everything else,” she griped. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Toughen up </span>
  <span>you</span>
  <span> big baby,” Neil told her tongue in cheek making her laugh.  “But seriously, do you need any pain killers for it?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, it just stings a bit when I sweat too much.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you doing to make you sweat a lot?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes, knowing she was going to get a lecture, she said, “I was on the treadmill punishing myself if you must know.  Believe me I’ve learnt my lesson, Tom had to help me get off it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously Missy, you honestly have to be one of the most frustrating patients I’ve had over the years.  What the hell were you thinking?  And what are we going to do with you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t thinking, that was the whole point.  And you could just love me,” she said with a smirk.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s where the problem lies,” I said chuckling.  “Everyone </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> love you and that’s why you’re always allowed to get away with all the frustrating things you do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I say?” she said, “I’m just a little ray of sunshine.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She roared laughing as Neil and I both rolled our eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*The quote Tom said is from Henry VI part 2 – Act 3 Scene 2.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. 37.1 Foul Tempered Creature,37.2 Reality Hits, 37.3 A Step Towards Healing, 37.4 Oh, My Heart.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <b>37.1 FOUL TEMPERED CREATURE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"I’ll see you tomorrow to change those dressings.  Keep them dry and for God's sake, behave yourself,” Neil told her. </p><p>“When don’t I?” she said with a wink as she started closing the door to Neil’s room. </p><p>“When do you?” we heard just before the door closed. </p><p>Chuckling, she took my arm and went up to Jenny, “I need to come back tomorrow.” </p><p>“Early or late?” Jenny asked. </p><p>Looking to me she raised an eyebrow in question.  “Let’s make it late morning shall we?” I asked.  “That way you can take it easy and have a sleep in if you feel like you need it.” </p><p>“How about 11a.m?” Jenny asked. </p><p>“Perfect,” she answered. </p><p>“We’ll see you then,” Jenny said with a smile.  “And Missy?” </p><p>“Yes?” she asked, turning back to Jenny. </p><p>“I’m glad you’re ok.  From all reports in the press, it could have been a lot worse.” </p><p>“Thanks Jenny but to be honest, I’ve no idea what the press are saying.  I haven’t turned the tv on or bothered to look online.  It will all be over dramatised anyway.  See you tomorrow.” </p><p>She held my arm as we walked out, not letting go until she was in the car and her hand went straight to my leg as soon as I got in the car. </p><p>“I’m surprised they’re not camped out front of the house,” she said. </p><p>“The press?” I asked as she nodded. “They were.  I took care of it,” I told her. </p><p>She stared ahead at the road.  “I want to see Savannah, I need to ring mum and I want to talk to your mum.” </p><p>“We can take care of all of that once you’ve seen Michelle,” I said. </p><p>“Just warning you; I’m going to be a mess after Michelle’s finished with me,” she told me.  “She won’t let me hide so be ready for it.” </p><p>“I was actually thinking maybe you’d like me to wait outside?” </p><p>“No.  I want you with me.  I think it might be good for us to do this together.” </p><p>“If you’re sure,” I said.  </p><p> </p><p>Michelle showed us straight into her room and closed the door behind her.   </p><p>“Did you want coffee, water, tea?” she asked. </p><p>“Just water thanks.  And a box of kleenex because I know you’re going to make me cry.” </p><p>“And I know you’ll swear at me when I do,” Michelle said smiling. </p><p>“For sure.  We’ve been on this merry go round before lady,” Missy said with a chuckle but I could see from her eyes that she wasn’t looking forward to what was coming. </p><p>“First of all, let me just say that I’m glad you’re ok physically and ask if you’re sure you want Tom to stay?” Michelle asked. </p><p>“I want him to stay,” she said, fingers laced through mine as they had been since we’d got out of the car.   </p><p>“So, how you doing?” Michelle asked.   </p><p>“I’m ok.  I’m not great but I’m ok.  I scrubbed the skin off my legs last night trying to get the blood off, jumped on the treadmill early this morning and went too hard for too long trying to punish myself and had to be helped off.” </p><p>“Why were you trying to punish yourself?” </p><p>“I wasn’t trying, I was succeeding.” </p><p>“Why did you do it?” </p><p>“I needed to hurt.  I needed the hurt to know that I was ok.  I let my dog down.  I should have stopped her before she hurt him.  I failed him.” </p><p>At that, I put my head down and let out a breath. </p><p>“Tom? That statement bothers you?” Michelle asked. </p><p>“I was quite distressed this morning and pretty much said the same thing.  I failed her. I wasn’t there when she needed me.  I let her down.” </p><p>“No, you didn’t,” Missy said.  “I already told you that.” </p><p>“Why did you let her down?  Did you know what was going to happen?  Did you leave her knowing she was in imminent danger?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“No,” Missy said.  “You didn’t.  You didn’t know she was there.  You didn’t know what was going to happen.  No one could have known.” </p><p>“Then why are you beating yourself up over it?” Michelle asked.  “Why is it ok for you to be upset that you couldn’t protect Paddy but it’s not ok for Tom to be upset he couldn’t protect you?  What makes you so special that you’re allowed to feel that way but Tom isn’t?” </p><p>“You know I hate you sometimes, don’t you?” she told Michelle. </p><p>“I do and it makes me happy because it means I’m doing my job properly.  Now answer the bloody question.  Why are you so special?” </p><p> </p><p>We spent the next two hours with Michelle, both of us answering questions, me being told to butt out at times, being told to leave once which resulted in a screaming match as my wife told her psychologist she was a heartless bitch for making me leave.  All in all, it was good session and we made a lot of progress.  Michelle made her cry, and was once again told how much she was hated.  I told Michelle what Missy said about us not being strong for each other but just being there for each other, which made Michelle smile and look to Missy, “all these years of therapy have taught you something then.” </p><p>“So it would seem,” she said. </p><p>“You’re going to be fine,” Michelle said.  “You’re a different person these days.  You know what you’ve got to do.  Tom, I’d like a quick word with you before you go.  And you,” she said to Missy, “Can go sit in the waiting room, stop giving me that look and I’ll see you day after tomorrow unless you need me before.” </p><p>Glaring at Michelle, she stood up muttering under her breath about pushy bloody woman and walked to the door, turning to shoot one more filthy look in Michelle’s direction before she walked through to go to the waiting room. </p><p>“Close the door and go sit down,” Michelle told her. </p><p>Slamming the door so there was no mistaking she was unimpressed, she called out something that neither Michelle or I understood, leaving us both sitting there smirking at each other. </p><p>“Foul tempered creature that wife of yours,” Michelle said. </p><p>“She can be,” I replied.  “So, what’s up?” </p><p>“Keep an eye on her.  She’s doing well but I think she’s holding something back.  I know her well enough to know that she’s not quite as ‘fine’ as she makes out, she’s not in denial but she hasn’t fully accepted what happened.  I’ve noticed that she’s constantly in contact with you, touching you, looking to you for reassurance, but not aware she’s doing it.  That was why she got angry when I made you leave, and why she’s just had that little tantrum.  She’s using you as security, don’t let it get out of control.  Monitor it for me until I see her again and let me know if it’s a constant thing, if it’s only when you’re out of the house or if it’s sporadic.  The self harming worries me as it was always one of the things she’d turn to.  Be there for her but don’t protect her from the truth.  She has to face up to what happened – not her version of what happened, but what really happened.  I’d recommend you see your counsellor too, sooner rather than later.” </p><p>“What do I do if she won’t let me go without her?” I asked. </p><p>“You take her with you and make her wait in the waiting room unless you want her with you.  That will also depend on your counsellor.  Life has to go on Tom.  For both of you.” </p><p>Thanking Michelle, we went to the door and opened it to be met with, “We need to make a statement to the press.” </p><p>“We do?  Why?  We don’t usually feed that particular animal.” </p><p>“Because it’s been completely blown out of proportion.  I want to set the record straight.  I don’t care who you get to do it, but something has to be said.”  And with that she nodded at Michelle and walked out. </p><p>Michelle and I looked at each other, smiles spreading across our faces, “That’s more like it,” I said.  “A pissed off wife I can deal with.” </p><p>“Good luck,” Michelle said.  “I’ll see you day after tomorrow.” </p><p> </p><p>Reaching the car, I found her leaning against it, foot tapping on the ground, phone in hand.   </p><p>“Assholes,” she muttered to herself.  “Can’t get anything bloody right.” </p><p>“What’s got you all hot under the collar?” I asked. </p><p>“These morons,” she said shaking her phone in the air.  “Wouldn’t know the truth if they fell over it.” </p><p>“What are they saying?” I asked. </p><p>“They’re saying there was a fight over the laptop, that she was trying to take it from me because there were images of you and her on it, and that I was trying to take the gun from her when it went off shooting me in the leg and that was when the dog attacked her so she shot him.  The only thing they got right was her shooting Paddy.” </p><p>“And you want to issue a statement because why exactly?” I asked. </p><p>“Because this is bullshit!” she exclaimed.  “There are no images of you and her.  Jesus, I don’t know who’s crazier, her or the damned press.  Arrange someone to do it will you?” </p><p>“Do what?  Issue a statement?” </p><p>“No.  I want us to do it. Tv, internet, I don’t care but I want it that way so nothing can be taken out of context. Actually, don’t bother.  We’ll do it via ‘papping the paps’, that’ll work.  They’ll spread it around for us.” </p><p>Michelle may not think she’s accepted it, but I have to say, I think she has.  Seeing her fired up like this has actually made me pretty happy.  It’s very much in character for her to get fired up over something like this.  She may not be 100% in touch with what happened, but she’s doing just fine.   </p><p>“Well come on,” she said.  “We’ve got things to organise.  Let’s go.  And what the hell are you smiling at?” </p><p>“You.” </p><p>Frowning, she looked at me and said, “Why?” </p><p>“You’re a cranky bitch you know?” </p><p>“Yeah, I guess I am.” </p><p>“Good.  Let’s go set the record straight.” </p><p>
  
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  <strong>37.2 REALITY HITS</strong>
</p><p>We got home after seeing Michelle and had a coffee, then the next couple of hours seemed to pass by rather quickly. </p><p>She really had a bee in her bonnet over doing this statement, and jotted a few words on a piece of paper before deciding she was going to wing it and say it from the heart, rather than from a prepared statement.  </p><p>“My laptop’s buggered so we’ll have to use yours.” </p><p>“Are you really sure you want to go ahead with this?” I asked. </p><p>“Yes. They’re insinuating there was something between you and that woman and that I was trying to stop it from becoming public.  If you were stupid enough to ever become involved with anyone else while we were together, I would personally hand over any and all material to the media and let them do what they want with it.” </p><p>“First of all, I’m insulted that you think I’d ever become involved with anyone while I was with you, God knows you’re already more than I can handle, and secondly, would you really do that?” </p><p>“Damn straight I would.” </p><p>“I can’t believe you’d do that to me.” </p><p>“I can’t believe you’re dumb enough to think I think you’d ever cheat on me.” </p><p>“What?” I asked shaking my head.  “Does that even make sense?” </p><p>“It did in my head but it may have lost something in translation from Missy speak to real speak, I mean real words.” </p><p>All I could do was laugh at her as she sat there going over what she’d just said then gave a nod as if to tell herself it made perfect sense. </p><p>“Ok, come on Hiddleston.  Let’s do this.” </p><p>I still had reservations about issuing any type of statement or doing any type of appearance, but she was at her stubborn best and wasn’t budging an inch so, I ended up giving in and sat beside her as she videoed, then posted her statement.  </p><p>It was short, sweet and straight to the point.  </p><p>“Hi everyone.  As you’ve no doubt heard, I was involved in an incident where shots were fired after a break and enter at our home.  This resulted in a woman being arrested and charged.  The media are reporting that the incident occurred as I was attempting to stop incriminating photos involving my husband and the woman who broke into our home, from being made public.  This is nothing more than media sensationalism, and a complete fabrication of the truth by gutter journalists. The woman involved has made a full confession to the incident, and at no point did she allude to any relationship between herself and Tom. You all know my opinion of the media, and incidents like this do nothing to improve that opinion, which is why I’ve chosen to post this statement on this page.   Thank you for your continued support.  We won’t be issuing any further statements. </p><p> Satisfied with what she’d posted, she shut the laptop down and gave me ‘the look.’ </p><p>“Ok, spill.  What’s up?” she asked. </p><p>“Nothing’s up, I just wonder if we might not have been better to let it die a natural death rather than stoke the flames again.” </p><p>“We haven’t stoked anything.  We’ve set the record straight.  Anyway, it’s done now.  I’m not issuing anything else; I’ve had my say.  Let’s go see Sav then go get my boy.” </p><p>“They said to call first to make sure he could come home,” I reminded her. </p><p>“He’s coming home,” she told me. </p><p>“<em> Might </em>, come home,” I corrected.  “Don’t get your hopes up just in case he can’t come home.” </p><p>“Whatever.  Let’s go see Savannah.  I need to talk to her about the shop.” </p><p>“Am I being included in this discussion?” I asked, “Or am I being left behind?” </p><p>She stopped and looked at me, brain ticking over, “Didn’t I talk to you about it? Or was that discussion in my head?” </p><p>“Must have been in your head because I haven’t heard anything about the shop other than you telling Savannah you didn’t want to go in for the rest of the week.” </p><p>“Oh.  I could have sworn I talked to you about it.  Well anyway, I’ve decided I want to step back from all of it and turn it over to Savannah.  I don’t want to have to worry about going in, so she can do with it what she wants.” </p><p>And with that she walked away.  I don’t remember any such discussion, and to be honest, I’m quite shocked.  The shop is one of her babies and I had to fight tooth and nail to get her to take time off, I’m sure you remember.  Admittedly she hasn’t been wanting to be there as much since we had the time away, but I put that down to us being in such a good place when all of this happened.   </p><p>“Hold up,” I said going after her.  “What do you mean you’re stepping back? Explain yourself.  That shop is your baby.  What’s going on?” </p><p>“Nothing.  I just think Savannah can cope.” </p><p>Who is this person and what the hell has she done with my wife?  We all know Savannah can cope.  I’ve been telling her that for quite a few months now and always come up against some sort of opposition about how she has to do her part and can’t be leaving it all for Savannah.  </p><p>“I’m not buying it.  What’s really going on?” </p><p>“Nothing. I just...I just...” </p><p>Softening my tone, I rubbed her, “There’s no shame in admitting you’re scared love.  That’s what it is isn’t it?” </p><p>“Fine,” she said as she pushed my hands away.  “I’ll just take this week off then go back.  Can we drop it.  I won’t worry about going to see her.  I’m going to call mum.” </p><p> </p><p>She walked off, phone in hand, and went to the living room where she sat on the couch and called her mother. </p><p>“Hi mum, how’s things?  You’re on speakerphone so it might echo a bit.” </p><p>“Did you get shot?” I heard her mother ask. </p><p>“I got shot <em> at </em>.  Remember Tom rang you and told you?” she said.  “I’m ok, the bullet just grazed me.  Paddy got shot, he’s at the vet but hopefully coming home tonight.  How are you?  Things going ok?” </p><p>“Good?  Oh, yes.  We’re good. I’m sure Tom said you were shot.  We got the solar panels fixed up so we’re off the grid now,” I heard her mother say quite proudly. </p><p>“Well, not quite off the grid but I’m glad you got it all fixed up.” </p><p>They chatted for another five minutes or so, then her mother said, “Did you get shot?” </p><p>“No ma, I got shot at.  Remember, Tom called you and told you what happened, and I told you just before.” </p><p>“The tv said you got shot and I’m sure Tom said you were shot.  Why didn’t you call me?” </p><p>“The tv lied mum and Tom called you because I was talking to the police and then had to see the paramedics and get my leg fixed.” </p><p>“What’s wrong with your leg?” her mother asked. </p><p>“I got shot at,” she said. </p><p>“But you just said you didn’t get shot.” </p><p>Looking up at me, I could see she was getting frustrated and emotional, so decided to step in. </p><p>“Hi Yvonne, it’s Tom. I rang you and told you what happened, do you remember?” </p><p>“Hi Tom.  Yes, I remember.  You rang and said there’d been some sort of altercation and someone broke into the house and shot the dog.  Is the dog ok?” </p><p>“He’s going to be fine.  We’re just going to pick him up in a minute so we might need to say goodbye so we can get to the vet before they close, ok?” </p><p>“OK.  Thanks for calling.” </p><p>After ending the call, she looked at me shook her head and said, “I just can’t at the moment ok?” </p><p>Nodding, I gave her a hug and said, “How about we call the vet and see if your boy can come home?” </p><p>“Please.  And I want to call your mum when it’s a decent hour over there.” </p><p>Calling the vet, I asked if Paddy would be able to come home.  After finishing the call, I got met with a very expectant look. </p><p>“Well?” she asked. “Can he come home? He’d better be coming home.” </p><p>“He’s coming home,” I said.  “We can go get him now if yo...”  she was already on her way to the door. </p><p>“Come on,” she urged. “Let’s go.” </p><p>She held my hand all the way to the car, kept her hand on my leg all the way to the vet, held my arm with both hands all the way in and maintained contact with one hand right up until they led Paddy out to her.  Once he was in front of her, she sat on the floor with him and spoke softly to him, stroking him and cuddling him.  I spoke to the vet because there was no point in trying to get her to listen.  Her focus was entirely on the dog.  Once we were ready to leave, she held the leash with one hand and my arm with the other.  In the car, she had one hand reaching into the back seat stroking the dog, the other hand touching me, whether it was my arm, shoulder or leg, she didn’t stop touching me.  Michelle might be on to something here.  At home, she seemed to be fine, the minute we walked out the door, she had to touch me. </p><p>We arrived home and she got out the car, waited for me to come around, held my hand as we got the dog out and walked to the door then let me go only when we got inside.  Actually, for the next 5 minutes I may as well have not existed as she was solely focused on Paddy and Bobby, sitting on the floor with both of them, patting them and talking to them telling them what good boys they were. </p><p>She finally left them to sniff each other, then Paddy headed for his bed. </p><p>“The vet said he’ll be tired for the next day or so and won’t feel much like doing anything. He’s got painkillers and antibiotics that he has to have when he gets fed.” </p><p>Nodding, she picked up the phone. “Let’s call your mum.” </p><p>Dialing the number, she smiled when mum picked up after the first ring.  </p><p>“Dil, are you alright?” </p><p>Laughing, she said, “How did you know it was going to be me and not your son?” </p><p>“I didn’t, but I knew you wouldn’t be too far away.  How are you?  Are you alright?  I can’t believe you were shot; you must have been terrified.  How’s Paddy?  Did they lay charges?” </p><p>“Slow down mum,” I said.  “One question at a time.” </p><p>“I’m fine Diana.  Paddy’s just come home, they let us bring him home today.  We’ve only been home for about 10 minutes, he’s tired and sore but he’s ok.  Tom’s just feeding both him and Bobby.  I’ve got a bit of a graze on my leg but it’s fine, just stings a bit and yes, they’ve laid charges.  She admitted everything and didn’t contest a thing.  There was a bedside hearing and we’ll probably get a call tomorrow telling us what the outcome of it all is.” </p><p>“Graze? I thought...nevermind.  So, what happened?  Why was she there? Where was Tom?” </p><p>Finished getting the dogs their food, I rejoined her on the couch, listening as she answered. </p><p>“Tom had just gone to get dog food.  She met Tom when he did stage door in London and he commented on her Australian accent saying the love of his life was Australian and she got into her head that she was the love of his life.  Only problem was, I was in the way so she...,” she stopped and took a deep breath.  “She... she bro..br...”  Looking at her, I could see her bottom lip tremble, the tears welled up in her eyes and she took a couple of deep shuddering breaths as she tried to go on. </p><p>“It’s ok Dil, you don’t have to talk about it.” </p><p>“She...sho...sho..shot meeeee” was all she got out and then the sobs started.  Great wracking sobs ripped through her body as she wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forwards. </p><p>“Mum, I’ve gotta go.  I’ll call you later.” </p><p>“It’s ok son.  Give her a hug for me.  Go see to your wife.” </p><p>I held her tight as she sobbed on my shoulder, her grip so tight it was painful but at that point, I didn’t care.  She’d finally realised, and accepted, what had happened.  She’d been shot. The ‘graze’ that she alluded to was actually a significant wound that she’s been in denial about since it happened.  The paramedics wanted her to go to hospital but she point blank refused to go so they were left with no choice but to stitch her up here and tell her she’d need to see her doctor.  Now you understand why Neil was surprised by the wound.  I’m glad she’s finally accepted what happened and won’t keep snapping when I mention her being shot. </p><p> </p><p>Half an hour later, she’d cried it out and looked at me with a half smile. “Sorry,” she said.  “I guess I was trying to be strong for Paddy and having him home was like a sign that it was ok to fall apart.  And I seem to have done that in spectacular fashion.” </p><p>“Michelle told me you were holding something back.  I wasn’t so sure.  Seems she knows her stuff.” </p><p>Nodding, she wiped her eyes and nose, “Yeah, she knows me pretty well.  So do you though, just in a different way.” </p><p>“You realise everything that’s happened now?  Accepted it?” I asked. </p><p>“Yeah.  Having Paddy home really hit me.  He’s been gone because he got shot trying to protect me when she took a shot at me. I realise it’s a bit more than a graze. I guess I knew all along with the amount of time the paramedics took to clean me up, Neils comment about it being a bit more than a graze.  I wasn’t shot exactly, but I wasn’t grazed either.” </p><p>“There’s a good chunk out of your leg.  You were shot.” </p><p>“Oh well, another scar to add to the collection.” </p><p>“Seriously? That’s all you’ve got to say?” </p><p>“What? Well, it’s the truth.  It’s not exactly like they haven’t seen a bit of trauma in the past.  At least this one’s not my fault.  Let’s go shower.” </p><p>“Are you sure you’re ok?” I asked. </p><p>“I am now. She wanted me out of the way so she could have you.  She failed.  She didn’t win.” </p><p>“No one could ever replace you,” I told her.  “There honestly will never be anyone else for me.  It’s you, or it’s no one. I just want to make sure you’re ok and fully aware of what happened to you.  No more denying it.” </p><p>“I know that I'm an incredibly lucky woman.  Not only do I have the most supportive, awesome husband in the world – you’re pretty easy on the eye too – but I’m lucky that stupid bitch has lousy aim and only tried to shoot me in the leg.” </p><p>Giving her the raised eyebrow, I said, “She what?  No denial.” </p><p>“Oh for God’s sake.  She shot me.  Happy now?” she said.  “Stupid woman, shot me.  Should have smacked her again just for the hell of it,” she muttered under her breath. </p><p>Kissing me then taking my hand, she led me into the bathroom where I wrapped her leg and helped her shower while showering myself.  Drying off, I unwrapped her leg, patted around the wound to make sure it was dry, then, feeling the need to be close to her, picked her up and carried her to bed.  Hopefully we both got a decent night’s sleep tonight. </p><p>...........</p><p>Chapter 18, I Need You To Stay, available in Virtual Adventures of The Adult Kind: The Next Phase (Book 2) immediately follows on from this Chapter.  18+ only due to sexual content and adult concepts. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>37.3 A Step Towards Healing </p><p>She was still sleeping when I woke, so I thought I’d quickly send an email to Michelle and let her know what had happened last night when she was talking to mum and see if Michelle wanted to see her again today.  With that done, I made coffee, fed the dogs, making sure to give Paddy his medication, before heading back into the bedroom. </p><p>As I got to the doorway, I heard a very anxious, “Tom?” </p><p>“I’m here,” I assured her, going to the bed.  “Just making coffee and feeding the boys.  You ok?” </p><p>Nodding, she rolled towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist.  “Yeah.  It’s going to take a while before I’m completely comfortable on my own but I’ll get there.  I think I should probably call Michelle and see if she wants to see me after what happened last night.” </p><p>“I’ve already emailed her to see if she wants to see you,” I confessed.  </p><p>“Clever you. I need to get up,” she told me.  “Need to pee and want coffee.” </p><p>“Do you want me to bring your coffee to you?” I asked. </p><p>“Thanks, but I’ll come out.  I want to see Paddy; see how he’s doing.” </p><p>“He seems to be fine.  He took his medication without any problems, ate his breakfast.  He’s limping a bit but that’s to be expected.” </p><p>She flicked the covers back and stood, wincing as she put weight on her leg.   </p><p>“Sore?” I asked. </p><p>Shrugging, she limped as she made her way to the bathroom.  “A little.  Not too bad.” </p><p>“I told you I was going to hurt you,” I said, referring to her insistence that I stay close to her when we went to bed. </p><p>“I don’t care.  I needed you.  It was worth it.  Besides, it’s more stiff than sore.  It’ll get better as I move around.  I’m sure Neil will let me know if I’ve done anything I shouldn’t have,” she said as she entered the bathroom. </p><p>“I’ll meet you out in the kitchen, ok?” I called out.   </p><p>“Is the alarm on?  The perimeter one?” she asked. </p><p>“I haven’t deactivated since it was set last night so I’m assuming so.  Why?” </p><p>“Just wanted to make sure,” she called out. </p><p>Hearing the toilet flush, I decided to wait for her as she was obviously feeling a bit nervous to have asked about the alarm.  I heard the water run as she washed her hands then her muttering to herself, “Bloody train wreck just look at you.  God what a mess.  You wake up looking like this and he wakes up looking perfect.  Not fair.”   </p><p>I was having a quiet chuckle to myself, listening to her.  I can assure you, she’s far from a train wreck, more like a hot mess when she wakes up.  She wears the ‘bed head and panda eyes’ look rather well and I’ve been tempted on many, many occasions to ignore all the things that I need to attend to, to attend to the things I want too instead. </p><p>Coming out of the bathroom, she saw I was still sitting on the bed and grinned as she realised I’d heard her talking to herself.  “I’m flattered that you think I look perfect when I wake up,” I told her.  “I don’t, and you’re far from a train wreck yourself you know.” </p><p>Walking over, she hugged me, “You always know the right thing to say to make me feel better,” </p><p>“Coffee,” I said. </p><p>“See what I mean?” she laughed.  “You always say the right thing.  Now, take me to my coffee.”  </p><p>Leading the way down the hallway, I told her to sit while I poured her caffeine fix and added the splash of milk she liked.  Paddy limped his way over to where she was sitting, tail wagging as she greeted him. </p><p>“Hello my brave boy.  How are you?  Hmmm.   Oh, you’re such a good boy.  Happy to have your brother home Bobby?” she asked as she gave them both a scratch behind their ears.  “Good boys.  You being nice to your brother Paddy?” </p><p>“They were curled up together when I locked up last night,” I told her. “I think Bobby really missed him.” </p><p>“He seemed to be fretting a little bit.  I’m glad they’re back together,” she said. </p><p>We had coffee then I had some breakfast before checking my email.  There was nothing from Michelle but we got a call from her just before 9 a.m saying she’d like to see us this morning if we had time.  It worked out well because it meant we could go see Michelle then head straight over to Neil and get her dressings changed. </p><p>The reaction from her statement had been positive, and once again the public had been quick to jump on the media, calling out all the reports of fake news.  As we know from times gone by, it’s all a 5 minute wonder anyway and within the next couple of days it would all die down and within a week it would be forgotten about...by the media at least. </p><p>She seemed fine around the house, happy for me to leave her while I went to the bathroom, got dressed, brushed my teeth and saw to a couple of other things.  She went to get dressed, double checking the perimeter alarm was still active, seeming to be fine to go on her own, but the minute we set foot out the front door, she was holding my arm and kept hold until she was in the car.  As soon as I was in the car, her hand went straight to my leg where it stayed while I drove.  Getting out the car at Michelle’s, she waited for me to come around to her side, then held my hand as we walked through the door, while we sat in the waiting room and then into Michelle’s room. </p><p>“Tom you can wait outside if you like,” Michelle said, glancing at our hands.  “I’ll call you in once I’ve had a chat to Missy.” </p><p>“No. I want him to stay,” she said, holding tight to my hand. </p><p>“He’s just going to be in the waiting room,” Michelle told her. </p><p>“I said, I want him to stay,” was the reply she gave. </p><p>“And I said he’s only going to be in the waiting room,” Michelle responded. </p><p>With that, Missy stood up, still holding my hand and went to walk out the door dragging me behind her. </p><p>“Get back in here now,” Michelle ordered. </p><p>“Only if he stays,” she countered. </p><p>Great, a standoff with me stuck in the middle.  “Might I suggest I just go sit over there?” I asked, indicating the couch that was in the room.  “I’ll still be in the room keeping you happy,” pointing to my wife, “While allowing you, to do your job,” nodding at Michelle. </p><p>“Works for me,” Michelle said. </p><p>“If we must,” Missy pouted. </p><p>“Oh, get over yourself, you big sook,” Michelle said.   </p><p>Missy started laughing at that and the tension was broken, the session moved on.  Missy was asked to explain what had happened when she was on the phone to mum, which she did, holding it together well.   </p><p>“And you’re still relying heavily on contact with Tom I see,” Michelle said.  “You know it’s not going to be possible to keep doing that?” </p><p>“I just need the contact with him at the moment,” she said.  “I’m very much aware that I’m going to have to let go at some point, but I’m not quite ready to do that just yet.  I just need to know he’s there.  At home I’m ok because he’s everywhere around me, it’s our space.  Outside, I just need the reassurance that he’s there. Yes, it’s an anxiety thing to a point, yes it’s a reassurance thing.  I know Tom will let me know if it’s getting too much for him to handle, and he’ll let me know in his own subtle way when it’s time for me to start letting go.” </p><p>“That’s not really fair on Tom,” Michelle told her.  “You’re leaning heavily on him but he’s dealing with feelings of guilt for not being there when you got shot, for not protecting you.” </p><p>She looked across at me and said, “And this is why you need to see your counsellor as soon as you can.” </p><p>“I’d be happy to see you,” I said.  “Like couples counselling.  I think it would be beneficial to be honest.  I think we need to do this together so we can each see what the other is going through and how the other is feeling.  I understand if you don’t want to, but that’s just how I feel about the situation.” </p><p>Michelle looked at me and seemed to consider what I’d said, then turned to my wife, “What do you think?  Would you be onboard with that?” </p><p>“As long as it’s not going to turn into ‘crucify Missy’ sessions, then sure, I think it’s probably a good idea for the reasons Tom mentioned.” </p><p>“Ok,” Michelle said.  “If you’re both open to it, then we’ll do it.  How often do you want to schedule the sessions?” </p><p>“I think twice weekly for a while then we can drop it back if all goes well,” I said.  “What are your thoughts?” </p><p>“Sounds good to me.  I’ll also speak to your separately for a couple of minutes each session.  Understand?” she said turning to Missy. </p><p>“Got it,” she said. </p><p>Ending the session, we headed out to the car, hand in hand, and were getting ready to drive to Neils when she got a phone call. </p><p>“Hello?” she said, as I started the car, the call automatically going to Bluetooth. </p><p>“Mrs Hiddleston, it’s Senior Constable Perkins. Justin.  How are you?” </p><p>“I’m doing ok Justin, thanks.  What can I do for you?” </p><p>“I just wanted to call and let you know that Karen was charged with grievous bodily harm and has been sentenced to 7 years, with a non-parole period of 5 years.  She’s been assessed by the mental health team, and whilst she has a few problems, it’s not enough to see her admitted to a mental health institution and she’ll receive ongoing counselling in jail.” </p><p>“So that’s it?  Nothing more to worry about?  Nothing more I have to do?” she asked. </p><p>“That’s it done.  You’ll be notified when her parole period is up and whether she gets early release or not.  You can oppose parole but ultimately the decision is that of the parole board.  Clearly there’ll be a lifelong restraining order against her regarding both you, and your husband.” </p><p>“Thanks for that.  Thank you for all your help through all of this, I appreciate it,” she said. </p><p>“Good luck, Mrs. Hiddleston. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to call.  Take care now.” </p><p>Ringing off, she looked at me and smiled.  “It’s over.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>37.4  OH, MY HEART</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>I just want to say a big thank you to my wonderful husband for telling the writer the story for the last few days while I dealt with everything that was going on.  I’m doing ok and feeling much better especially knowing that my dog is fine and that woman is where she belongs.  Now the only thing I really have to worry about is Tom.  As Michelle said, he’s got some feelings he needs to deal with.  I’m aware that I’m not in the clear yet, but I’m a survivor and know deep down that I’m going to be fine.  The touch thing with Tom is as much for him as it is for me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you still need to see your counsellor, don’t you?” I asked him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just worry about getting you better, then we can worry about me,” he answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How about no?” I responded.  “How about you call your counsellor and make an appointment? And before you say anything else, think about if the tables were turned and it was you that had been hurt and it was me in your position; you’d haul my ass to the counsellor personally, so quit being so damned stubborn and make the bloody appointment.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I love it when you get all bossy and think you can tell me what to do,” he quipped.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t ‘think’ I can tell you what to do, I know I can.  Now, as soon as Neil is finished lecturing me about last night's bedroom gymnastics and the damage I’ve done to my leg, you can call your counsellor and make an appointment.  Don’t argue with me or I might be forced to take drastic measures.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it,” he replied.  “It’s not like I’m not talking it out with anyone.  I’m chatting with Michelle.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the same.  Michelle is my counsellor; she doesn’t really know you.  She’s happy to help us out with the couple's thing because she knows it’s beneficial, but you really need to see Stephen for your own benefit.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, can we talk about this later.  Let’s just get your leg fixed up and get home.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Giving him a look that made it quite clear this conversation was far from over, I let it drop for now as we’d just pulled up in the carpark at Neil’s.  Coming around to open the door for me, Tom put his hand down for me to pull against to get out of the car.  I admit my leg was quite sore today but, when you consider last night, it’s probably not surprising.   I just hope I haven’t done anything to Neil’s handiwork because I can just imagine the lecture I’ll get if I have. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Holding hands, we crossed the carpark and entered the building.  Jenny looked up as we entered, and smiled.  “Good morning,” she said brightly.  “You can go straight through, he’s expecting you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Jenny,” I said as Tom smiled and said good morning.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Knocking lightly on the door, I pushed it open and we entered as Neil looked up and smiled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you both?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Doing well,” Tom said. “Yourself?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good thanks.  How’s the leg feeling Missy?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit sore, more stiff than sore.  Like I’ve done a long run and been a bit underprepared for it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that could possibly be as a result of your stint on the treadmill.  You did say Tom had to help </span>
  <span>you,</span>
  <span> didn’t you?  Combine that with the wound you’ve got and I’m not surprised it’s a bit stiff.  I’ll get you to pop up on the bed for me and lay back so I can have a good look at it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You should probably tell Neil what happened last night too love,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think he really needs to hear about that do you?” I asked, smirking.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that.  The call to mum.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.  Yeah, I guess.  So, last night,” I started.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” Neil said, “Go on.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Last night I finally admitted the truth to myself about exactly what happened and what that wound is. I’ve seen, sorry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’ve</span>
  </em>
  <span> seen my psychologist already this morning and she thinks it’s a step in the right direction.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d agree with her.  Right, hold still this might sting a little.  I just want to wipe the outside of it and clean it up a little.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would I be able to have a look?” Tom asked. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“At what?” I questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Your leg,” he answered.  “Would that </span>
  <span>be</span>
  <span> ok?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.  If you really want to.  Neil?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your leg,” Neil said.  “If you don’t mind, then I don’t.  Come on over and take a look,” he told Tom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Coming over to stand beside the bed, Tom looked down to where Neil was working on my leg. He’d seen it before but only briefly, not really getting a good look at it.  I’m not sure why he wanted to look at it, maybe to satisfy himself that I hadn’t done any damage when I decided to get on the treadmill, or when I </span>
  <span>insisted</span>
  <span> he lay on my last </span>
  <span>night.</span>
  <span>  As he looked down, I watched his face, Neil moving back to expose the wound, and Tom’s face visibly paled as he got his first good look at it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks...” he trailed off.  “It’s um, yeah. It’s, it looks clean.  No sign of infection or anything,” he said as he went back to the chair he’d been sitting on.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not what you were expecting?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“A little deeper than I remember,” he answered.  “Looks clean though.  How much of a scar will it leave Neil?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That really depends on how well it’s looked after and rested,” Neil said, then turned to me, “You can </span>
  <span>minimise</span>
  <span> it by doing as you’re told, but there will definitely be scarring.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Neil redressed the wound, gave me a lecture about not doing too much, resting when possible, yada, yada, yada, I tuned out, focused on Tom who didn’t seem to be doing quite as well as when we first walked in.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“See you in two </span>
  <span>days,</span>
  <span> ok?” Neil said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Sorry. 2 days. Yes, no problem.  Thanks Neil, I’ll see you then.  Coming?” I asked looking at Tom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He came and took my hand then led the way out to the waiting room where there were other patients waiting.  As we went to approach Jenny, she looked up and smiled then said, “I’ll give you a call this afternoon.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling our appreciation, Tom said, “You’re a legend Jenny.  Thank you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Holding hands down to the car, my hand on his leg on the drive home, then holding hands until we were inside, it was like we both breathed a sigh of relief when we shut the door on the outside world.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to fix some lunch,” I told Tom.  “What would you like?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not terribly hungry at the moment.  You fix </span>
  <span>yours;</span>
  <span> I’ll grab something after if I get hungry.  I’ll be back shortly,” he said as he headed out of the room. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Figuring he was going to the </span>
  <span>bathroom,</span>
  <span> I didn’t think any more of it until I’d fixed lunch and made coffee.  It was as I went to sit down, I </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> he’d been gone for quite a while and decided to go and find where he was.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As I approached our room, it suddenly hit me why he’d been gone for so long.  Entering the bedroom, I found him sitting on the end of the bed, head buried in his hands, sobbing his heart out.  Talk about break my heart!  Hearing my husband sob like that was almost too much but, I also knew it had to happen.  Putting on my brave big girl face I crossed the room and sat down beside </span>
  <span>him, put</span>
  <span> my head on his shoulder then found myself engulfed in his arms, his hold painfully tight.  Letting him cry it out, I hugged him and let him hold me until he was ready to let go.   I’m not sure how long we sat there but I know it was a while.  Eventually he loosened his hold on me but didn’t let go.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We sat there in silence for another few minutes until he’d regained his composure.  I felt him take a deep breath then exhale, as he started, “I’m sor...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you </span>
  <span>apologise</span>
  <span> for that, I’m going to be seriously pissed,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, he rubbed his eyes, then turned and reached for a Kleenex.  “I wasn’t going to </span>
  <span>apologise</span>
  <span> for breaking down, but for not being there for you when you needed me most.  I shouldn’t have left you.  Not after seeing that photo.  You should never have been left alone; I should have stayed with you.  If I’d been </span>
  <span>here,</span>
  <span> she wouldn’t have been able to hurt you.  If I’d been here, I could have stopped her.  If I’d been here, it wouldn’t have happened.  If I’d been here...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We might both have ended up hurt.  God knows what she would have done if you were here and she </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> she had no hope of you wanting to be with her.  Just stop.  You being here wouldn’t have changed anything.  In fact, you being here could have quite possibly made it worse.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She tried to take you away from me.  I could have lost you, I cou...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But you didn’t.  I’m still here; admittedly I’m a bit banged up, but I’m still here.  She didn’t win.  It’s over.  She can’t hurt us.  Please, call Stephen and make an appointment.  You’d make me do it if our roles were reversed.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But I can just talk to Mich...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No. No Tom, you can’t.  You need to see Stephen.  He knows you, Michelle doesn’t.  Boo, if we’re going to get through this, you have to do it.  Please.  For me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, he reached for his phone and dialed the number, “Sam? Tom Hiddleston.  I need to make an appointment to see Stephen as soon as possible.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you say it’s an emergency?” Sam asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span> Turning to look at me, Tom raised an eyebrow.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe not emergency, but I think it’s really important</span>
  <span>,” I</span>
  <span> said quietly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks it’s not an emergency, but it’s fairly important.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The next bit was muffled and Tom said, “Sorry, what was that?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sam repeated, “Is it in regards to the incident that was reported in the media?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Tom replied, “it is.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you just hold for a minute?” Sam asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was silence on the other end of the line, then Sam came back about a minute later.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You there Tom?” he asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here,” Tom replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come down this afternoon about 3 p.m.  Stephen will see you then.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Sam.  See you soon.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ending the call, Tom looked at me, worry etched on his face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got this babe.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’ve </span>
  </em>
  <span>got this.”                  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. 38.1 I Hadn't Looked At It That Way, 38.2 Let's Just Go, 38.3 She Loves Me More Than She Does You, 38.4 It Doesn't Feel The Same Anymore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>38.1 I HADN'T LOOKED AT IT THAT WAY</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>We’re a right mess at the moment aren’t we?” he asked. </p><p>“Considering what we’ve been through, I think we’re doing ok actually,” I said.  </p><p>“I can’t say I’m really looking forward to this session with Stephen,” he confessed.  “I have a feeling it’s going to be exhausting.” </p><p>“I’ll bring you a scotch and have a nice warm bath ready for you when you get home,” I told him. </p><p>“What do you mean, ‘when I get home?’  You’re coming, aren’t you?” </p><p>“I thought you’d go on your own.  I’m not sure Stephen will be as open to me being there as Michelle is with you being with me.  I don’t want to hinder your recovery.” </p><p>“But...” </p><p>“At some point, we’re going to have to be apart.  Maybe it’s time to start now?” I suggested. </p><p>“Double standards are alive and well, I see,” he said, getting up off the bed and walking out of the room. </p><p>I probably asked for that, but still, I’m right; it has to happen at some point.  But maybe now isn’t the right time.  Sighing, I got up off the bed, wincing slightly and started after him.  I made it to the door and found him heading back to the bedroom, miserable look on his face. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he told me.  “I shouldn’t have said that.” </p><p>“No, I’m the one should be apologising.  You’re right.  I insisted on having you with me, it’s only right that I be with you if you want me to be there.” </p><p>“I’d love you to be there, but you’re right.  We have to face up to the fact that it’s not going to be possible for us to be together all the time.  I’ll go on my own as long as you’re sure you’re going to be ok alone here.” </p><p>“I’m terrified to be honest,” I confessed.  “But I know I’ll be ok.  I’ll set the perimeter alarm and the house alarm and I’ve got the panic alarm if I need it.” </p><p>“I just don’t like being that far away from you.  Michelle’s only 15 minutes away, Stephen’s a good 40 minute drive.  What if something happens while I’m gone?  What if you get worried and I can’t get back in a hurry?” </p><p>“If I get worried, I’ll call Savannah and talk to her.  She can laugh at me for being paranoid.” </p><p>“I don’t think she’d think you’re paranoid.  I suppose I should freshen up a little and get going,” he said.   </p><p>“We’ll be ok.  You’ll see.” </p><p>Fifteen minutes later, we were standing at the front door, Tom asking me one final time if I’d be ok before giving me a kiss and, rather reluctantly, heading out the door.  As soon as he’d gone, I locked the door and stood with my forehead against it, wishing with everything I had, that I’d said I’d go with him.  Taking a deep breath, I pushed off the door, headed for the living room and picked up my phone before running for the front door hoping I could stop him in time, needing to be with him.  Yeah, not ready to let go just yet. </p><p>As I unlocked the front door, the door knob turned in my hand and I jumped back, heart racing, unsure what to do.  The door opened as I frantically looked around for something to use as a weapon, my legs starting to shake when I heard, “It’s only me love.” </p><p>“Jesus Christ, you frightened the life out of me!” I exclaimed.  “What are you doing?” </p><p>“Same thing as you by the looks of it,” he responded.  “I know we’re going to have to do things on our own eventually, but I’m not ready yet.  Come with me? Please?” </p><p>“I was actually just running like a mad woman, hoping I could stop you before you got out the gate.  I’m not ready to be away from you yet.  I know we’re going to have to do it, but not yet.  Too soon.” </p><p>“Are you ready to go?” he asked me.  “I’m going to end up late if we don’t get moving now, and I don’t want to keep him waiting as he’s seeing me on such short notice.” </p><p>“All set,” I said.  “The boys have got plenty of water, the doggy door’s unlocked so they’ll be fine.  Paddy’s still not his usual energetic self yet.” </p><p>Locking the door, Tom pulled it shut as I waited for him then we walked hand in hand to the car.  Opening the door for me, he saw me in safely and closed the door before heading around to the driver's side.  Once he was in and had his seat belt on, I had my hand on his leg where it stayed until we got to the carpark at Stephen’s.  Coming around, he opened the door for me and helped me out, then we walked hand in hand inside. </p><p>In the waiting room, we were greeted by Sam, Stephen’s receptionist.  “Just take a seat,” he said.  “Stephen won’t be long.” </p><p>Sitting side by side, still hand in hand, I could feel Tom was quite anxious.  “You’ll be ok,” I told him.  “I’ll be right here waiting for you.” </p><p>“You’re not coming in?” he asked. </p><p>“I think it best if you do this on your own.  You need to be able to speak what’s on your mind without worrying about what’s going through mine.  I’ll be waiting right here.  I might even start jotting down some ideas for a story, it feels like an age since I’ve written anything.” </p><p>“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?” he asked. </p><p>“I’m sure.  I think the question we should be asking is this – are you going to be ok?” </p><p>Tom wasn’t given a chance to answer as Stephen came out and ushered Tom into his room.  Sam looked over and smiled, “We’ve been half expecting to see Tom.  Stephen had a feeling he’d call.  I’m glad you’re ok physically.  It must have been one hell of an ordeal.” </p><p>“Thank you.  And yeah, I’ve had better experiences,” I said with a smile.   </p><p>The phone rang then, saving me from any more small talk.  It’s not that I mind, I just feel a bit awkward as I don’t really know these people having only met them on a couple of occasions.  Ordinarily I would have waited in the car but I don’t feel that’s an option at the moment.  Busying myself on my phone, I jotted down a few ideas I had for storylines then started scrolling through my camera roll, sorting photos into various folders.  I’m usually fairly good at keeping photos organised but I’ve been really slack lately.  Giving myself a stern talking to, I decided I was going to spend a couple of hours sorting photos and backing them up, if not today then tomorrow – or at least that was the plan.  I guess a lot depends on what happens behind that closed door I can see.   </p><p>I’d just had a quick glance at my watch and by my reckoning, Tom would be another 10 minutes, so I thought I might as well sort some more photos now.  The time spent waiting for Tom had gone by fairly quickly.   </p><p>I decided to leave the rest of the photos and was about to check my email when the door opened and Tom called to me, “Can you come in for a minute darling?” </p><p>Looking up, I saw him beckoning me over. </p><p>“Sure,” I said, wincing again as I put weight on my leg.  It was fine once I was up and moving around, it was just that initial movement after being still that bothered me. </p><p>Not one to miss a thing, Tom came over to me, “You ok?” </p><p>“I’m fine, just a bit stiff when I’ve been sitting.  So what’s up?” I asked as I took a seat beside Tom. </p><p>“How are you Missy?” Stephen asked. </p><p>“I’m about how you’d expect me to be,” I answered. “Not great, but doing ok.” </p><p>“Tom tells me your psychologist is doing some couple counselling for you?” </p><p>“Yeah, we thought it might be beneficial for us to know exactly how the other was feeling and what we were each going through.” </p><p>“I think it’s a good idea too,” Stephen said.  “Would you have any objection to me contacting your psychologist regarding the work she’s doing with you both?  Obviously, we’re governed by confidentiality laws and it would only be regarding the work she’s doing with the both of you, nothing personal about you.” </p><p>“I’m fine with it,” I told him. “I don’t mind what Michelle tells you about the sessions she does with both of us if it’s going to help Tom.  I’d be happy to give her a call for you if you want and tell her she can pass along whatever she wants too.” </p><p>“That might help pave the way for when I contact her.  If you wouldn’t mind, I’d appreciate it.  I just think it would help Tom come to terms with what he’s feeling and give me a better idea of what I can do to help if I can see everything that’s being discussed.  I’ll contact her tomorrow, so if you could give her a call either this afternoon or first thing in the morning, that would be great.” </p><p>“I’ve got a scheduled session in the morning anyway so I’ll see her then.” </p><p>“Great.  Ok, so Tom, I’ll see you in a couple of days.  And Missy, thanks for that.” </p><p>“No problem.” </p><p>Holding Tom’s arm as we walked out to the car, I waited until he was in the car before asking if he was ok. </p><p>“You doing ok my love?” I asked.  “You look like you’ve been through the wringer.” </p><p>“What is it you say?  I’m not great, but I’m ok?  That about sums it up.  I do know that my being at home wouldn’t have changed anything and, as you said, could quite possibly have resulted in things being far worse.  I also know that if I was home the police wouldn’t have been contacted and, whilst there would have been two of us and we might have been able to disarm her, there’s a good chance she could have shot both of us or even worse, seriously injured us.” </p><p>“You can sugar coat it if you want but let’s be real.  There’s a damn good chance she would have killed one, if not both of us.  Sorry if that’s a bit harsh after your session but I’m through trying to fool myself.  We’re both lucky to be here, but even luckier that you weren’t home and chose that moment to call me and recognised what I meant by using our safe word.  By not being home you saved my life.” </p><p>He was quiet for a minute then turned to look at me, realisation spreading across his face.  “I hadn’t looked at it that way before now.  Thank you, I feel a damn sight better now.” </p><p>Funny, I hadn’t looked at it that way either but it’s the truth.  By not being home, he saved my life. </p><p>
  
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  <strong>38.2 LET'S JUST GO</strong>
</p><p>“Let’s just forget that the outside world, and everything that’s been happening, exists.  We’ll make pizza, pop popcorn, drink hot chocolate and curl up under a blanket while we watch old movies,” she suggested. </p><p>“Sounds wonderful except it’s 32ºC,” I answered. </p><p>“So we’ll run the air conditioner and make it cold,” she replied.  “I just want things to feel normal for a while. I swear this has been the longest few days of my life.  I just want...” </p><p>“I know you do, and I want it to but we can’t run away from what happened.” </p><p>“I’m not running away from anything.  I’ve accepted what’s happened, and you should too, and I’m trying to move on. Pardon me for wanting to enjoy spending some time with my husband,” she snapped. </p><p>Thinking about it, she had a point.  There really is no point letting it rule us.  We’re both very aware of what happened and it is time to start living again.  We were in a great place when this went down and I’d really love to get back to where we were.   </p><p>“What do you want to watch?” I asked. </p><p>“I have no idea,” she laughed.  “I just come up with the ideas.  I was hoping you’d think of something.” </p><p>“Why don’t we think about it while we make the pizza?  Do you have any frozen pizza bases or do we need to make the dough?”  </p><p>“Um, good question.  I think there might be some in the freezer but it’s possible there’s not.” </p><p>“Right, so you’re having an each way bet here?” I chuckled. </p><p>“Hold on, I’ll look,” she said, wincing as she stood up. </p><p>“No, it’s ok.  I’ll look.  You sit down and rest your leg,” I told her only to be met with a withering look. </p><p>“I said, I’ll look,” I got told.   </p><p>“I was just trying to help,” I snapped back. </p><p>Sighing, she stood in front of me, placing her hands either side of my face, “I know you are and I’m sorry for being such a grouch.  I just want to try and forget, then I move and I’m reminded of what happened.”  Bending down, she kissed me lightly on the lips.  “Come look with me,” she said.  “Then we can work out whether we have to make a base of not.” </p><p>“Why don’t we just order one?” I asked. </p><p>“Well, we could do that I suppose,” she said.   </p><p>Pizza ordered, we sat on the couch discussing what we should watch.   </p><p>“I don’t want to have to think too hard,” she said. “I want something that’s just in your face entertainment.” </p><p>“Drama? Fantasy? Something else?” </p><p>“I don’t know.  Can’t you pick?” she asked. </p><p>“No, because I’m bound to pick the wrong thing.” </p><p>“There is no wrong thing.” </p><p>“No wrong thing until I pick it you mean?” I chuckled. </p><p>Ignoring my last remark, she again asked if there was anything in particular I wanted to watch. </p><p>“There must be something you want to watch,” she said. “Something. Anything.” </p><p>I had an idea on what to watch but I didn’t want to tell her because I knew, I if I told her, she’d do the eye roll thing she’s so good at, but if I just put the movie on, she’ll watch it and enjoy it.  Checking the time, I calculated how long the movie would go for, what time it would finish and whether she’d want to watch another one after it. </p><p>“I’m going to feed the boys, then take a quick shower,” she said.  “Pizza should be here by the time I’m done.  While I’m showering, think of a movie to watch.” </p><p>“You need help with wrapping your leg?” I asked. </p><p>“Oh bugger!  Yeah, I probably will.” </p><p>Dogs fed, she headed for the shower with me following after her with the plastic wrap.  Waiting for her to undress, I had this image suddenly pop into my head of her facing Karen, then Karen shooting her over and over, with her collapsing on the ground.  </p><p>“Tom?  Hey, you ok?  You’ve just lost all colour from your face and you're shaking.” </p><p>Grabbing her and pulling her to me, face buried in her neck, the scent of her hair in my nostrils, I said, “Can you just hold me for a minute?” </p><p>She put her arms around me and held me tight against her, not saying anything, just being there.  After about 30 seconds, she put her hands up to my face and lifted my head, looking me in the eye. </p><p>“Talk to me.  What happened?” </p><p>“I just had this image of you being shot. I don’t know where it came from but it...” </p><p>“It’s ok,” she said gently, reassuringly, “I’m here.  I’m fine.  Actually, I was thinking maybe it might be good for us to get out of here, go somewhere.” </p><p>“What about our counselling sessions? And you needing to get your dressings changed.  Where were you thinking of going?” </p><p>“We can do counselling over the phone if we need to, and I was only thinking a couple of days so we could do tomorrow’s session with Michelle before we go.  I’m not sure if you’ll be on board with this, but I was thinking maybe we could go to mums.  There’s nothing around, no one to bother us.  We could go for walks, just sit by the lake, go fishing.  We can change the dressing on my leg if we need too, it’s a wound for goodness' sake, one dressing off, another dressing on.  I’m taking the antibiotics and we can keep an eye on it for signs of infection.  It’s only a couple of days and I’d just really like to get out of here.” </p><p>“Will you be ok spending a couple of days with your parents?  You know what you and your mother are like together.” </p><p>“I think I’ll be fine. I don’t intend staying at the house with her all day; as I said, I want to go walking, fishing, I could take some photos.  And we can take the boys with us.” </p><p>I had to admit, it did sound rather appealing.  The thought of not being here for a little while, not having the memory of walking in and seeing her covered in blood, sounded good.  My only reservation was how she’d cope with her mother, especially now. </p><p>“It does sound wonderful, my only concern, as I said before, is you and your mother,” I said as I wrapped her leg.  </p><p>Turning the shower on, she stepped in as she said, “It’s only a couple of days, and to be honest, I want to see her before...  I want her to remember good times.  I want that for dad too.  As she gets worse, I want to know that we managed to spend some good times together. Besides, I told her just after we got married that I’d go and stay for a few days and I never did it because she pissed me off when she started ignoring everything about us and focused on my sister.  In hindsight I know there was a reason for it.” </p><p>Hearing the intercom buzz, I said, “I think the pizza’s here.  We’ll talk when you’re done.” </p><p>A few minutes later, she came wandering down the hallway, “Did you figure out a movie to watch?” </p><p>“I did but maybe you should call your mum and see if it’s ok if we stay for a couple of days.  I think you’re right, a couple of days away from here will probably do us the world of good, and it will be nice to have that time with her.” </p><p>The smile I got was worth any minor irritations I’d have to endure on the visit, her whole face lit up and her eyes sparkled.  “Just remind me, when I want to bang her over the head, that she can’t help being a pain in my ass because she’s losing her mind, because I know she’s going to piss me off within 10 minutes of getting there.” </p><p>“10?  God, I love your optimism.  I give it 5 minutes maximum,” I laughed. </p><p>“You’re probably right,” she chuckled.  “We do tend to clash a bit.” </p><p>“Because you’re so much al...nevermind,” I said as I realised I’d get my head chewed off if I dared mention she was anything like her mother. </p><p>“Hmmm,” she said.  “Good save.” </p><p>Dialing the number, she put the phone on speaker and waited, and waited, before the phone was finally answered. </p><p>“Hello?” </p><p>“Hey mumma,” she said. </p><p>“What’s the matter?” Yvonne asked. </p><p>“Nothing’s the matter,” she replied. </p><p>“You never call this often.  I thought something was wrong.” </p><p>“Nothing’s wrong.” </p><p>“Then what do you want?  You only just called why are you calling again?” </p><p>“I didn’t only just call.  That was yesterday.” </p><p>“Considering you never call, that is only just called.” </p><p>“Well, you know my number,” she said, voice getting a little louder, a little shorter, “You could call me too you know?” </p><p>“I never know whether you’re busy or not,” her mother snapped back. </p><p>“Well maybe you could try occasionally and see.” </p><p>And this would be why I had doubts about them being together for any length of time, however I thought now might be a good time to jump in and remind her why she’d made the call, “Yvonne,” I said, “We were wondering if you’re doing anything over the next couple of days?” </p><p>“Oh, hi Tom.  Didn’t realise you were there.  I don’t think we’re doing anything.  Why’s that?” </p><p>“Mum, we were wondering if we could come up and stay for a couple of days?” </p><p>“Why?” </p><p>Turning to me, she looked so exasperated, “Why does she have to be such a bitch?” she whispered. </p><p>“Yvonne, we just thought it might do us good to get out of the house for a couple of days after what happened here.  And we thought it would be nice to catch up and see you again,” I said. </p><p>“Oh, well of course it’s ok.  When were you thinking of coming?” </p><p>Throwing her hands up in the air and shaking her head, she answered, “Is tomorrow afternoon ok?” </p><p>“So up tomorrow afternoon and home the day after? Is it worth it?” Yvonne asked. </p><p>“I give up,” she said looking at me.  “You talk to her.” </p><p>“We were thinking of coming up tomorrow afternoon and staying for two nights.  We’d have to bring Paddy and Bobby though if that’s ok.” </p><p>“Of course it’s ok.  Not a problem, we’ll see you tomorrow then.” And with that she hung up. </p><p>“You know that 5 minutes we were talking about before we start to clash?” my darling wife asked. </p><p>“I’d like to revise that,” I chuckled.  “I give it until you’ve said ‘hello’”  </p><p>
  
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  <strong>38.3 SHE LOVES ME MORE THAN SHE DOES YOU</strong>
</p><p>“Seriously, that woman does my head in.  Why is she can’t talk to me without snapping or going off in ten different directions, but the minute she hears you, she’s focused and almost pleasant?” </p><p>Tom laughed when I said that and responded with, “What do you mean ‘almost’ pleasant? She’s nearly always pleasant when she talks to me. She must love me more than she loves you.” </p><p>“You think you’re funny, don’t you?  Well, you’re not.  Besides, your mum loves me more than you,” I said.  “Well, maybe not more, but she sides with me more than she does you,” I laughed.   </p><p>“Because you terrify her,” Tom retorted, smirking.  “She’s seen you tear me a new one on a couple of occasions and she’s scared you’re going to do it to her if she doesn’t side with you.” </p><p>“You’re so full of shit sometimes Hiddleston, swear to God,” I laughed.  “She just knows I’m right more often than not, and knows to stick with the winning side.”  </p><p>“Ha, you wish you were right most of the ti...”   </p><p>“Well, will you look at that,” I said as his phone started ringing and the call ID came up with ‘Mum’.  “Let’s ask her, shall we?” </p><p>Pushing the answer button with one hand and wrapping his other hand over my mouth, Tom said, “Hi mum” as I was trying to speak, “Diammffff,  are ymmmfffff scammmfffff.” </p><p>“What’s wrong with Dil?  I can’t understand a word she’s saying.  Her voice is all muffled.” </p><p>“That’s because I’ve gagged her,” Tom answered. </p><p>“Oh, did I call at a bad time,” Diana laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.  I’ll go and call a bit later.” </p><p>“What? No!” Tom exclaimed, taking his hand away from my mouth which resulted in me roaring with laughter at the thought of Diana thinking she was interrupting us. </p><p>“No? Well, if not sex, why would you be gagging her?” </p><p>“For God’s sake mum!” </p><p>I was helpless, tears rolling down my face, clutching my sides at the conversation between mother and son.    </p><p>“What?” she questioned.  “It’s not like I don’t know what you get up to. I’ve been out with you remember?  I seem to remember a trip to the botanical gardens that saw you both take your own sweet time looking at a little lake.” </p><p>“Can we not go there please?” Tom asked.  “I don’t need to be discussing my sex life with my mother!” </p><p>“Well, you started it,” Diana shot back.  “Telling me you had Dil gagged.” </p><p>“No, I didn’t start it!” Tom exclaimed.  “You’re the one that thought you were interrupting us.” </p><p>“Well, wasn’t I?” she asked. </p><p>“No,” Tom told her.   </p><p>“What’s Dil laughing at?” Diana asked. </p><p>“You two,” I managed to get out between guffaws.   </p><p>“Why? What did we do?” Diana asked.  “I seem to be a bit confused.” </p><p>“So it would appear,” Tom said, playfully shoving me away from him when I tried elbow him out the way.   </p><p>“Oh God, my face hurts and my sides ache,” I said. </p><p>“Tom! What have you done to Dil?  Dil, are you alright? What did he do to you?” </p><p>That was me gone again with Diana sticking up for me, even though Tom hadn’t done anything. </p><p>“Oh, for God’s sake,” Tom said, getting the giggles.   </p><p>“Should I go and call back later son? Dil?” Diana asked. </p><p>“No,” I said trying hard to hold it together.  “It’s all good Diana, just give me a second and we’ll explain.” </p><p>Taking a breath and settling myself down a bit, only just mind, Tom and I explained about the conversation we’d been having when Diana called, and how things had quickly been taken out of context and escalated to me having fits of the giggles. </p><p>“Well, she does have a point,” Diana said. “More often than not she comes out victorious.” </p><p>“Because I let her win,” he said quite exasperated with the two of us.   </p><p>“He has a point now,” I said to Diana.  “He does let me win a lot, but usually because I’m right anyway.” </p><p>“Ha! You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re al...” </p><p>“Anyway,” Diana said, cutting him off mid sentence with a bit of a chuckle.  “I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing after our last call, but I can see you seem to be doing much, much better.” </p><p>“I’m fine Diana,” I said.  “Actually, we both are.  We’ve still got a ways to go but we’re doing good.  We’ve both accepted what happened.  Tom’s in the process of accepting that he didn’t let me down by not being here and in fact, probably saved my life by not being here.” </p><p>“Is that true son?” she asked. </p><p>“Yeah.  I’ve realised if I was here, I wouldn’t have been able to contact the police and...anyway, I don’t really want to talk about it if you don’t mind.  Still a bit raw, but I’m coming to terms with it.” </p><p>“That’s fine.  One day when you feel up to it, we’ll talk.  And Dil, how’s the leg?” </p><p>“It’s a bit stiff and a little bit sore but I’m fine.  I’m pretty tough, even though your son seems to forget that at times.” </p><p>“Don’t be too tough, either of you.  Your strength lies in the fact that you not only love each other, but you trust each other as well.  Rely on each other to get you through this.  Maybe you should go away for a couple of days.  Go visit Dil’s parents.  It’s not too much longer before you’ll be heading over here so it would be a good opportunity for you to see them before you come.” </p><p>“Funny you should say that,” Tom said.  “We’re heading up there tomorrow for a couple of days.  It’ll do us all good to get out.  We’re taking the boys with us.” </p><p>“How’s Paddy?” Diana asked. </p><p>“He’s good.  Like me, a little stiff and sore, but all things considered, for an old man, he’s doing really well.  Takes his tablets like a champ and is starting to play with Bobby a little bit.  Bobby’s so sweet; whenever Paddy lays down for a nap, Bobby comes and curls up beside him.” </p><p>“Oh bless!   That’s good to hear.  Well, I’ll let you go and get back to whatever it is you say you weren’t doing,” Diana laughed. </p><p>Tom, chuckling said, “We’re about to watch a movie.  We can video call you if you want and you can watch along with us...that’s how much we weren’t doing what you think we were doing.” </p><p>“If you say so,” Diana laughed. “Well, you enjoy your movie.  Have fun on your little trip and I’ll talk to you in a couple of days.  Love you both.” </p><p>“Love you too,” we both said.  “Bye now.” </p><p>After ending the call, we looked at each other and burst out laughing.  “Your poor mum,” I said. “Thinking she’d interrupted.” </p><p>“It was rather funny,” he said.  “Ok, so we going to watch this movie?” </p><p>We’d put the air conditioner on so it was quite cool and we both snuggled under the blanket as Tom cued the movie to start.   </p><p>Watching the screen, I gave a little squeal of delight as the movie started.  “I love this movie,” I said. </p><p>“I know you do,” he said.  “You love the next one I’ve got in mind too. That’s if you’re still up for it after this one.” </p><p>“I don’t know,” I said.  “Gonna be hard to top E.T.  Haven’t seen this for ages.  Can you get me a flying bike with a basket?” I asked. </p><p>Laughing, Tom said, “You ask me that every time we watch this.” </p><p>“That’s because you still haven’t gotten me one,” I said as I snuggled back against him.    “They should make an E.T 2.  Like, he could come back down to Earth and check up on an all grown up Elliott.  You could play Elliott, you liked working with Steven.” </p><p>“Well, you can call him and pitch your idea.” </p><p>“I might just do that, now hush and watch the movie.”   </p><p>Tom poked me in the ribs and said, “It’s you doing all the bloody talking.” </p><p>“Shhhh.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>38.4 IT DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME ANYMORE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here,” I said offering her the </span>
  <span>kleenex</span>
  <span>.  “Dry your eyes.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking the </span>
  <span>kleenex</span>
  <span> she wiped, her eyes, sniffed a few times, grabbed my arm and pulled it tight across herself and wriggled back so her back was hard up against my stomach.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You right now?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she sniffed.  “Every bloody time.  You’d think by now I’d be over it and wouldn’t cry, but it’s just so damn sad when he goes home and leaves Elliott.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was quiet for another few minutes as she watched the last scene, a few more sniffles and a swipe of the eyes as she rubbed her feet against me.  It was nice just to be snuggled under the blanket with her, I had no objections to laying like this at all which is why I picked the movies I did.  I’ll give her a couple of minutes to recover, get a hot chocolate, some popcorn then put the next movie on.  She’ll get vocal through it but that’s ok.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>End credits rolling, she wriggled forwards a bit then sat up and stretched.  “I really do think there should be a part 2.  I’d love to see what happened when E.T went home.  Did he miss Elliott?  What did Elliott do with his life?  Did he keep hoping E.T would come back.  And I honestly think you’d be perfect to play Elliott.  You’re a big kid at heart, a bit dorky when you need to be and you and Steven worked well together.  I’ll email him and tell him.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Chuckling quietly, and very flattered by her conviction that I’d make an excellent Elliott, I gave her a gentle shove so I could sit up too.  “You do that then,” I said.  “But for now, how about a hot chocolate and some popcorn before we watch the next one?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to watch another one?” she asked.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it might be nice.  You’ll like the one I picked.  We don’t have to be up super early and I’m actually enjoying this.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you’re enjoying it, then by all means we’ll have hot chocolate and popcorn and watch another movie but first...I </span>
  <span>gotta</span>
  <span> pee.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ten minutes later, we were side by side on the couch, sipping hot chocolate while she bounced like an excited child as she asked, “So, what movie are we wat...Oh! I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> this one.  Thank you for picking movies you know I love.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I had an ulterior motive,” I confessed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Turning to look at me, eyebrow raised, she said, “Oh? And what would that be?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It keeps you still and I get to snuggle with you instead of the usual wriggle, chat, wriggle, chat you do,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve actually really enjoyed it,” she said.  “I don’t know what’s going on lately; I seem to be mellowing.  It’s a bit of a worry, a bit scary,” she laughed with a look of mock horror on her face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I love the fiery you, but I have to admit, the mellower you </span>
  <span>is</span>
  <span> rather nice too.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Well,</span>
  <span> the mellower me wants to watch Love Actually snuggled up with you, so finish your hot chocolate then assume the position,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I love it when you try to boss me around,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking the mug out of my hand and putting it on the table, she pushed me back on the couch, pulled the blanket up then lay in front of me, turned her head and said, “What’s this </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> to boss you around.  Know your place Hiddleston.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She burst out laughing when I saluted and said, “Yes, ma’am.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s better,” she giggled, then squealed when I bent down and growled against her ear, “I’ll let </span>
  <span>you</span>
  <span> boss me around all you want if you let me...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Shhh</span>
  <span>, movie’s starting,” she smirked.  “But I might take you up on that offer later.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We’ve seen this movie so many times, we can almost recite it word for word but for some reason, she loves it and never tires of it.   Even she says she’s got no idea why, as it’s not the type of movie she will ordinarily watch, not being big on rom/coms.  There are a few movies she loves to watch and never tires of; The Avengers is one, Only Lovers Left Alive is another - as she says, she has a thing for the dark hair, and Baz Luhrman’s Romeo and Juliet.  I don’t usually watch the first two with her and find it odd that she loves watching them.  I’ve questioned her on it and she says because I don’t look like me, she forgets it is me and genuinely enjoys the movies.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I started to get a bit tired and must have dozed off because I felt an elbow jab me in the ribs and I could hear her giggling, “Babe, you’re snoring.  Go to bed.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Nah’m</span>
  <span> k, umwaitfaoo,” I mumbled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing now, she said, “Can you repeat that, but in English this time?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Clearing my throat and running my hand over my face, I yawned then said, “No, I’m ok.  I’m going to wait for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, I’m </span>
  <span>kinda</span>
  <span> tired anyway. We’ll just turn this off.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Turning the tv off and closing up for the night, we headed to bed, all thoughts of the previous conversation about her taking me up on an offer forgotten as we lay holding each other, drifting </span>
  <span>off  to</span>
  <span> sleep.   I’ve no idea how long we’d been asleep when she woke me up with a blood curdling scream and crying ‘</span>
  <span>no, no</span>
  <span>, no’.  </span>
  <span>Realising</span>
  <span> what had happened, I wrapped my arms around her and spoke quietly and calmly, “</span>
  <span>Shhhh</span>
  <span>, it’s ok little one.  I’ve got you.  You’re ok, it’s a dream.  It’s over, you’re safe.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was shaking like a leaf and grabbed onto me as if she was drowning, and cried on my shoulder.  I held her and let her cry it out, stroking her hair and quietly reassuring her that I was here for her and she was ok.  She calmed down fairly quickly, although she was still a bit shaky.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok now?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m ok.  I’m sorry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t </span>
  <span>apologise</span>
  <span>.  I’m here for you.  I want to be here for you.  Come here,” I said as I pulled her down so she was laying with her chest against mine, “let me hold you.  Do you want this way or do you want to roll over?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“This way.  I need to hold you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tucking her head under my chin, one hand against my chest, the other on my back, legs intertwined with mine, she quieted down as I held her tight against me, one hand on her lower back, the other around her shoulders.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she said.  “Just keep holding me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got </span>
  <span>you,</span>
  <span> I’m not letting go.  Try and get some </span>
  <span>sleep</span>
  <span> ok?  I love you little one, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let go.  I need you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t know when we dozed off, but when I woke </span>
  <span>up,</span>
  <span> she was basically laying on top of me with my arms still wrapped around her.  I could feel her starting to stir and lay still not wanting to wake her even though her hair was tickling my nose.  I’m guessing that’s what woke me.  Each time she moved, her hair tickled my nose more and I could feel a sneeze building.  I tried hard to stop it but couldn’t and sneezed, waking her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Head coming up, she looked around, looked down then turned and looked at me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you move me?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve only just woken myself,” I told her.  “</span>
  <span>You</span>
  <span> ok?  Manage to get a few hours?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m ok.  I’m sorry about last night, or early this morning; whenever it was.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to </span>
  <span>apologise</span>
  <span>.  It was bound to happen sooner or later.  We both have to </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> that it might be the first of many – for both of us.  How about we get up, get coffee and pack what we need for your mum’s.  We’ve got an early appointment with Michelle so we’ll get everything ready and as soon as we’re finished with her, we’ll call in here, grab the boys and get going.  We’ll be there by </span>
  <span>lunchtime</span>
  <span> at the latest.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds really good.  Even though I know she’s going to drive me crazy, I’m really looking forward to going up there.  I just want to get out of here.  It doesn’t feel the same anymore.”</span>
  
</p><p><span>I’m glad she said that, because I’ve felt it too.  It doesn’t feel the same, I’m not sure it ever will again.</span> <br/></p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. 39.1 It's Part Of My Charm, 39.2 Pushing Buttons, 39.3 Surprise Revelations, 39.4 I'm Not Ready</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>39.1 IT'S PART OF MY CHARM</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Well, how about we get up and get moving?  I’ll put the coffee on while you get the crates for the boys in the car.  I’ll pack while the coffee brews.” </p><p>“I’ll just throw some clothes in a bag once I’ve had breakfast.  I can put the crates in the car just before we go see Michelle.  I’m actually really looking forward to spending some time with your parents,” Tom said.  “But once we get back, we’ll have to get ourselves organised for the trip home.  You’ll have to work things out with Savannah, and we’ll need to see if she can call in and check the house every so often.” </p><p>“I had a thought about that,” I said.   </p><p>“Oh? What was that?” he asked. </p><p>“How much do you trust Sparky?” I questioned. </p><p>“As much as I trust anyone that’s not you,” he replied.  “I trust you with my life.  Not sure I’d go that far with Sparky but I know he’s a good friend and I trust him to do the right thing.  Why do you ask?” </p><p>“Well, since he and Marisol separated, he’s been staying with family.  I thought maybe we could ask him if he’d like to housesit while we’re gone.  It means we don’t have to worry about leaving the house empty and unattended, and it gives Sparky a bit of space from his family.  Obviously there’s a few things we’d need to discuss with him, but it was just a thought.” </p><p>Tom nodded as he thought about my suggestion.  “Something worth thinking about over the next few days while we’re away.  We can talk to him when we get back if we decide to ask him.” </p><p>Throwing back the covers, we got out of bed.  I let him use the bathroom first, then went to the kitchen and put coffee on while Tom fed the dogs.  Last night’s nightmare was still fresh in my mind, but I know that’s all it was; a nightmare.  And I’m sure both Tom and I will have a few more before we can put all of this behind us.  Something to talk to Michelle about I suppose, see if she has anything to say about it.   </p><p>We finished out coffee, Tom had breakfast then we headed in to our room to get dressed and pack some clothes for the next few days. </p><p>“Are we packing anything in case we decide to go out?” he asked. </p><p>“Yeah, because there’s such a huge choice of places to go,” I laughed.  “Millie’s restaurant or Max’s pub and Millie cooks the food for the pub anyway.   I think jeans will be perfectly acceptable.  Make sure you pack some warmer clothes though; it gets really cool up there once the sun goes down.” </p><p>“Right, well, I’m packed.  Just toiletries to go.  Are you about done?  We’ll need to get going to see Michelle shortly.” </p><p>“I’m about done.  Do you think we’ll ever feel the same sense of security we used to?  Will this place ever feel like it used to?” </p><p>Tom pulled me to him and held me close, placing a kiss on top of my head.   </p><p>“I wish I could answer you love, but I just don’t know.  You were right when you said it doesn’t feel the same.  I’m not sure if it ever will again.  I guess these are things we’ll have to think about in time but for now, I think we spend a few days with your parents, then look towards going to the UK.” </p><p>“I can’t even feel the same passion about the shop that I did,” I told him, “And I hate that because I loved it so much.  I feel like I’ve had so much taken from me and it’s ridiculous because nothing happened at the shop.  Anyway, I’m ready.  Let’s go.”  </p><p>… </p><p>“What do you think brought the nightmare on?” Michelle asked. </p><p>“Uh, being shot?” I asked.  “Just an inkling I have but yeah, I’d say that’s quite possibly it.” </p><p>“Ever the smart ass aren’t you?” she asked. </p><p>“It’s part of my charm.  What can I say?” </p><p>“You could try answering the question,” she said. </p><p>“I don’t know what brought it on.  You’re the psychologist, you tell me what brought it on.” </p><p>“I’d say being shot could have a large play in it,” she said with a smirk. </p><p>“You know you piss me off, don’t you?” I said. </p><p>“And yet, you keep coming back.”  </p><p>“Because it saves me having to go through the whole sordid story with someone else.  Besides, no one else has the balls to put me in my place the way you do.  Anyway, I can’t be too bad because you haven’t refused to see me.  And don’t tell me that professionally you have to, because we both know that’s bullshit.” </p><p>“I enjoy the challenge,” Michelle said drily, “Now, let’s get on with it.” </p><p>20 minutes later, we finished up, both of us feeling a bit better about the nightmare as Michelle assured us it was a completely natural part of the healing process and that it was highly likely we’d have a few more before this was all over.  She also told us that she wants us to start to try and be out in public without being in constant contact with each other.  She wants us to try for 60 seconds at first then increase the time until we can get back to where we were.  I told her I didn’t think that would happen as we rarely ever touched when we were in public before this happened.   </p><p>“Just get yourselves to a point where you don’t feel the ‘need’ to touch, but if you ‘want’ to, that’s fine.  It’s not going to happen in a day, we all know that, but I do believe it’s time to start accepting that life goes on and that means physically distancing yourselves a little.  I’m not saying you need to be on opposite sides of the pavement, just not constantly touching.  You ok with that?” </p><p>“Not really but I know it has to happen,” I said. </p><p>“Tom, I need you to really follow through on this.  I know how persuasive your charming wife can be, stand up to her.” </p><p>“At least you realise I’m charming,” I said. </p><p>“I nearly choked saying it,” Michelle shot back with a grin.  “Alright you two, get out of here.  Enjoy your trip away and I'll see you when you get back.  If you need me at all, just call me.” </p><p>“Thanks Michelle,” Tom said.  “Appreciate it.” </p><p>“You know how I feel,” I said.  “I’ll see you in a few days.  Thanks.” </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later, we were on our way to my parents' place, looking forward to it but dreading it at the same time.  I know we needed to get away, and I really do want to spend some time with my parents, but I know it’s not going to be easy.   </p><p>“You ok my love?” Tom asked, as we got closer.   </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine.  Just wondering if I’ll notice many changes in her.  Wondering how long it will take before she drives me nuts and I start questioning why I wanted to visit.” </p><p>“We can go for walks.  We don’t have to stay in the house the whole time,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze. </p><p>We were quiet for a little while, not sure what he was thinking, but I was thinking about Mum and said,  <br/>“I’m not ready.” </p><p>“Not ready for what?” Tom asked. </p><p>“I’m not ready for her to not be Mum.  I’m not ready to see the changes.  I know we’ve never been really close, but she’s still my mum and I’m not ready.” </p><p>“I know love, and I’m sorry.” </p><p>Pulling up in the driveway, I took a deep breath and said a prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and to resist the urge to strangle my mother with the phone charging cord when she pisses me off. Amen.”  </p><p>Tom looked at me with a smirk and shook his head as my car door was wrenched open. </p><p>“Took your time getting here.” </p><p>“Hi mumma, nice to see you too.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>39.2 PUSHING BUTTONS</strong>
</p><p>“Well come on,” Mum said.  “Get out the car. Let me take a look at you.” </p><p>“Remind me again why I thought this would be a good idea,” I whispered to Tom. </p><p>“It’s only a couple of days and you’ll be glad you did it,” he said, smile firmly in place as my parents waited for us to get out the car. </p><p>“I’m not so sure about that,” I replied as I undid the seat belt and went to climb out the car. </p><p>“Let’s go,” Mum said. </p><p>“I can’t get out the car with you standing there,” I told her.  “You want me to get out, you’re going to have to move.” </p><p>Moving a few steps, she put her head down and said, “You need help?” </p><p>“No, I should be right.” </p><p>“Good, because you’re too heavy for me to haul up. You’d have to get your father to help.” </p><p>In my head I had a mantra that I was saying over and over again, ‘She’s your mother and you love her; besides, murder is illegal.  She’s your mother and you love her; besides, murder is illegal.” </p><p>Tom, already out the car, came around and put his hand down to me, giving me no choice but to take his, and pulled me out the car a little too firmly so I ended up with my head near his shoulder.  As I went to push myself back, he whispered, “Just smile.” </p><p>"I’m trying,” I said, smile pasted on my face as my mother took my arm, pulled me away from Tom and looked me up and down.   </p><p>Tom turned and looked out over the surrounding area, but I could see he was listening closely. </p><p>“You’ve lost weight.” </p><p>“Not that I’m aware of,” I said to her.   </p><p>“It wasn’t a question,” she told me.  “You’ve lost weight since I saw you last.” </p><p>“You haven’t seen me for a while, I ha...” </p><p>“And whose fault is that?” she asked.  “you said you were coming up to spend a few days after you got married and we didn’t see hide nor hair of you.” </p><p>“Well, it’s not exactly like you laid out the welcome mat now was it.” </p><p>“Ladies,” Tom said.  “Shall we get the dogs out and take our bags inside?” </p><p>I heard my father murmur something about ‘nice timing son’ as he went to help Tom get the dogs out and I grabbed our bags from the backseat. </p><p>Mum went to take one but I turned and said, “Don’t strain yourself, it might be too heavy for you.” </p><p>I was waiting for her to say something but she surprised me and merely smirked, nodded her head and led the way inside, holding the door for me while Tom and Dad took the boys around to the side gate and let them have a run in the backyard.  They weren’t allowed to stay inside all the time at Mum’s, but were allowed to use the ‘back room’ which was the alfresco area that my parents had enclosed because it was just ‘a wasted space.’  Personally, I think it’s just a wasted space now and they should have left as an alfresco, but what would I know.  In all honesty I understand in some respects, because where my parents live, having an alfresco area would be considered a bit pretentious and, as they say, a waste of space. </p><p>“Put their beds in there,” Mum said.  “They can stay in there for now.  You can bring them in later.  Coffee?” </p><p>“Yes please,” I said.  “We’ll just go put our bags away first.” </p><p>Carrying our bags to the spare room, Tom put them down then pulled me to him and held me close.  </p><p> “We’ll have a coffee, have a bit of a chat with them, then take the dogs for a bit of a walk so you can have some space.” </p><p>“I don’t get why she always has to pick at me.  I’ve either lost weight or gained weight, I can never just get a ‘gee it’s nice to see you,’ drives me crazy.” </p><p>Tom chose to remain silent, knowing there really wasn’t anything he could say.   </p><p>“I try to be patient, honestly I do, but she just knows how to push my buttons.  I wonder how long it’ll be before she starts telling me how wonderful my sister and her family are?” </p><p>“She might not,” Tom said.  “You know she’s happy you’re here, don’t you?  You can see it in her face.” </p><p>“I really thought we’d got somewhere when I stayed here before we got married.  She sat on my bed and chatted about when I was little and how she listens even though I don’t think she does.  I honestly thought we’d really connected but the next time I saw them, when they called in at our house, she was back to everything being about Natalie and how wonderful her kids are.  I’m surprised she hasn’t started nagging me about having kids to be honest.” </p><p>“She knows it’s unlikely,” Tom said.   </p><p>“All the more reason for her to give me grief over it,” I said.  “How it’s just another thing Natalie has that I don’t.” </p><p>“I don’t think she’s that cruel,” Tom told me.  </p><p>“Maybe,” I replied.  “Alright, I’ve stalled as long as I can.  She’ll be hunting us down shortly if we don’t go out there.” </p><p>Heading back out to join my parents, Dad asked how the trip up had been, and how the dogs had travelled. </p><p>Tom answered him as mum kept looking at me but turning away as I'd go to look at her. </p><p>In the end it got to me and I couldn’t help myself, “Is there something wrong?” I asked her. </p><p>“No. Why? Should there be?” </p><p>“No, but you keep looking at me.” </p><p>“You look fine.” </p><p>“Ok. Thank you.  Why wouldn’t I?” </p><p>“Well, with you getting shot at and all, I don’t know, I just thought you might look different.” </p><p>Tom intervened at this point, “She’s looking much better than she was.  It’s been a couple of days now and we’re coming to terms with what happened.  We’re not really talking about it much as we don’t want it to rule our lives.” </p><p>“Why’d she do it?” Mum blurted out as Dad said “Yvonne! Tom just said they weren’t talking about it.” </p><p>“I want to know,” Mum said.  “Must be a reason.” </p><p>“She wanted to be with Tom, if you must know,” I said.  “Figured she’d shoot me and get me out the way.” </p><p>“Why?” she questioned. </p><p>“Why what?  Why’d she want to be with Tom?”  </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“I don’t know.  I wasn’t actually thinking too hard on questioning her reasons at the time.” </p><p>“Did you hear Jed’s car got stolen?  They found it and the police have got it for fingerprints,” she said. </p><p>I looked to Dad who rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly, then to Tom who smiled as he put his head down. </p><p>“The insurance is going to pay it out for him but it’s not going to be much so I’m not sure what he’s going to do.” </p><p>“No mum, I hadn’t heard.  No one tel...” </p><p>“We finally got the solar panels installed.  Did I tell you that already or was that your sister?  Anyway, I imagine you’d like to take the dogs for a walk after them being cooped up in the car.  I'll see you when you get back,” she said as she stood up and took the coffee cup from me and took it towards the kitchen. </p><p>Looking to Dad, I went to say something but he held his hand up, “Go for a walk.  We’ll talk later.” </p><p>Tom stood, took my hand and led the way to where the dogs were waiting.  We put their harnesses on and headed off for a walk, waiting until we were away from the house before he gave a chuckle and said, “You ok?” </p><p>“For a minute there, I got worried and thought she’d completely lost her mind already.” </p><p>“Why would you say that?” he asked. </p><p>“Because the topic of conversation was actually me for more than 20 seconds, but then she mentioned my nephew and I knew she was ok.” </p><p>“I think she seems her usual self,” he told me. </p><p>“Yes, so just keep reminding me that murder is illegal.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>39.2 SURPRISE REVELATIONS</strong>
</p><p>39.3 Surprise Revelations </p><p>Walking along the track, we headed towards the lake, dogs trotting along sniffing the air.  As we neared the edge of the lake, they began sniffing the ground, pulling against their harnesses in an effort to be allowed to explore more freely.  As they were both well behaved and came when we whistled, and there was no one else around, we let them run unhindered by the leash attached to their harness, laughing as the both trotted along, noses to the ground.  As Paddy neared the water, we realised our mistake and started whistling for him to return before he could get his wound, and therefore his stitches, wet. </p><p>Reluctantly returning, he was put back on the lead but allowed to pull us in which ever direction he chose to go, Bobby happily prancing along beside him.  It was only when we’d been walking for about 10 minutes, it suddenly dawned on me – we weren’t touching.  Weren’t holding hands.  This is the first time we’d been outside since the incident, where we hadn’t felt the need to touch. </p><p>“Are you feeling alright?” I asked. </p><p>“Fine.  Why?” she questioned. </p><p>“Notice anything?” </p><p>“I did but wasn’t going to say anything in case I made myself start freaking out and made a mad grab for you.  I’m feeling ok.  How about you?” she asked. </p><p>“I’m doing fine.  I’m guessing that it’s just being around where we know that woman was.  It’s going to be interesting to see how we go for the rest of this visit, then see what happens when we get home.” </p><p>“Weird that neither one of us felt the need to be in contact with the other,” she said.  “I want to touch you now, but I don’t <em> need </em> to.” </p><p>“I’d be more than happy for you to touch me,” I told her with a wink and a cheeky grin. </p><p>Laughing, she shook her head, “You’re incorrigible.  I meant hold your hand you degenerate.” </p><p>“It’s nice to see you laughing,” I told her.  “I’ve missed it.” </p><p>“I have too.  I don’t like feeling insecure, scared.  It’s not who I am anymore.” </p><p>“It’s only been a couple of days darling, give it time.” </p><p>“I know.  I just...Oh God.” </p><p>“Oh God what?” I asked. </p><p>Looking at her, she nodded at something over my shoulder, “Let’s just say it’s a good thing, I didn’t ‘touch’ you.” </p><p>Turning, I saw her parents walking towards us and judging by the body language, they were bickering as usual. </p><p>“...tell me where I can and can’t walk. If I want to go for a walk I ….oh, there you are.  You’d been gone for a while so we thought we’d come and look for you,” her mother said. </p><p>“<em> You </em> thought you’d come and look,” her father said.  “I was all for waiting at home.” </p><p>“Yes, and if I didn’t insist on coming down to find them, they’d be gone all day and we wouldn’t get to spend any time with them at all,” Yvonne said to Barry before rounding on Missy, “If you’ve been shot at you probably shouldn’t be doing all this walking anyway.  No wonder you’re skin and bones if you never stay still.  Natalie’s lost some weight; she’s looking good now.  Not too skinny.”  This was said as she looked Missy up and down, the insinuation that she was too skinny, very clear.  “You’re not doing yourself any favours by being that thin you know.  They say that it can be quite difficult to fall pregnant if you’re underweight and Lord knows you need all the help you can get.” </p><p>I stood and watched the colour drain out of my wife’s face and saw her fists clench and decided enough was enough.  “Yvonne, I respect that you’re my mother-in-law and that Missy is your daughter, but you are totally out of line with comments like that and if you’re going to insist on upsetting her, we’ll be getting back in the car and leaving this afternoon.  Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll take the dogs for a bit more of a walk and meet you back at the house in about half an hour.” </p><p>Grabbing hold of my wife’s hand, I pulled her along behind me, while her mother stood there with her mouth open and her father chuckled behind his hand. </p><p>“Holy hell Hiddleston,” she said as we walked away.  “Do you have any idea of what you’ve just done?  Jesus, I’ll never hear the bloody end of it now.” </p><p>“I don’t care,” I said.  “I’m not having her speak to you like that and upsetting you.  It’s not on.” </p><p>I was quite angry and stalked along the track around the lake, until a voice behind me said, “Hey, hold up.  Not only do you have longer legs than me, you don’t have a bullet wound in yours and mine’s hurting like a bitch at the moment.” </p><p>“God, I’m so sorry,” I told her.  “Here, we’ll stop for a bit.  I didn’t mean to drag you along and hurt you, but she just pissed me off.” </p><p>She started laughing then, a real belly laugh, and she ended up having to sit down.   </p><p>“What’s so funny?” I asked. </p><p>“You losing your cool with my mother.  The look on her face was almost worth the lecture I’m going to get when we get back.   We’ll be lucky if we don’t get kicked out.  Oh, and welcome to my world.  She pisses me off that much all the time.” </p><p>“I really didn’t think she’d bring up that we’re childless.” </p><p>“You clearly don’t know my mother that well. Of course she’s going to bring it up.  Just another way to get to me.” </p><p>“Well, I’ve had enough. Come on, let’s get back and find out what she’s got to say for herself.” </p><p>“She won’t have anything to say.  She’ll either act as if nothing’s happened or meet you at the door with your bags in her hand.” </p><p>As we neared the house, I looked at the door and said, “Well, she’s not at the door so that has to be a positive, doesn’t it?” </p><p>“Depends.” </p><p>Putting the dogs around the back, we went through the ‘back room’ door and into the house.  As we closed the door, we looked up and Yvonne was standing there looking at both of us, Barry to her side. </p><p>“Go on,” he told her. </p><p>She shot him a look and he nodded, “Go on.” </p><p>She took a breath and said, “I owe you an apology.  I shouldn’t have said anything about you not being able to have kids.  I know it’s not your fault.” </p><p>“I’m not going to say I accept your apology because it was really hurtful.  You always do this.  You always pick at me, criticise me, make me feel inferior.  Every time you see me, you have to bring up Natalie and her family.  It’s like you enjoy rubbing it in my face that she has children and I don’t.  For your information, I’m looking at going to a fertility specialist to see if there’s any chance I can have kids but even if I can, we’re not sure we will.  I have told you before that we were going to look at seeing the specialist, but as nothing I say seems to be of any major importance to you, I figured you probably wouldn’t remember.  I don’t know what the hell it is I’ve ever done to make you the way you are when it comes to me, but it hurts.  I only ever wanted you to be proud of me, to recognise my achievements the way you do Natalie’s, to have you say to me that I’ve done good, but all you ever do is criticise and put me down.  You couldn’t even say it was nice to see me, you had to bring up my weight.  Another of your favourites when it comes to getting under my skin.  You infuriate me most of the time, yet I continue to allow you to do it.  Well, I’m not anymore.  I’ve had enough.  I’m sorry that your scans showed what they did but that doesn’t give you the right, or an excuse, to be hurtful or rude.” </p><p>“You done?” her mother asked. </p><p>“See?” she said. “What’s the point?  You’re just a bitch.” </p><p>“You want to know why I always bring your sister up?” Yvonne said.  “Why I’m always talking about her family, her accomplishments?” </p><p>“Yes actually, I would like to know.” </p><p>“Because your sister has nothing compared to you.  Yes, she has her family, but that’s all she has.  She doesn’t have all the things you have, the lifestyle you have, the business, the house, the overseas trips, the fancy friends.  I bring her up all the time to remind you where you came from.  To remind you that not everyone has it as good as you.  I do it to because I need her to be as important and matter as much as you do.” </p><p>“But I know where I came from, I’ve never forgotten it. I’m proud of where I came from, and as for Natalie not having what I have, she has more.  You say ‘what I have’ but, it’s not mine, it’s Tom’s. Tom bought the business for me, Tom bought the house we live in, Tom pays for the travel, and I still have some of the friends I had when I was a kid.  I’m still the same girl that cut the hair off all Natalie’s Barbie dolls, the same girl that envied her easy personality and how she fit in with people because I’ve always been awkward, the same girl that punched Aaron in the face because he hurt my sister when he told her he liked Julie more than her.  You’re the one that differentiated between us, not me.  I haven’t changed, only grown up.” </p><p>“Yvonne, what Missy said is true, apart from the grown up bit, the jury’s still out on that.  She hasn’t changed.  She’s still the same antisocial, insecure, socially awkward mess she was when I first met her, she’s just learned how to hide it a lot better now.  She’s stubborn, willful, irresponsible...and they’re just a few of her more endearing traits, but she’s never forgotten where she came from.  You’re the one that insists on pointing out the differences between them, not them.  Natalie doesn’t like the fact that you’re always calling attention to her and her children, she knows how much it hurts your other daughter, the one you seem to forget you have.  The one you seem to exclude.  From what I’ve been told, the one you didn’t want.” </p><p>“That’s not true.  I admit you weren’t planned,” she said turning to her eldest daughter.  “And it was a shock to find out I was pregnant when I was so young, but I never said I didn’t want you.  I went through hell after I had you with your father’s family treating me like I was an idiot and incapable of looking after you.  When your sister came along, I’d had enough and insisted we move out of your grandmother’s house which earnt me the tag of being difficult.  You were an easy-going child but by the time you hit your teens you changed so much; you have to remember that I was still so young myself and still learning about life as well as trying to be a parent.  You were rebellious, willful, difficult, then you got mixed up with the wrong crowd and we didn’t see you for a long time, only getting the occasional phone call to let us know you were still alive.  All the while your sister fretted for you and we were worried she’d...well, anyway, we had concerns for her...” </p><p>“So you wrapped her in cotton wool.” </p><p>“We didn’t know what you were going through at that point.  We thought you were doing what you wanted to do.  It was only years later we found out what you’d been through...well, as much as you would tell any of us. You didn’t even come to us when it was all over.  It was like we didn’t exist to you.  You say it hurts you, but did you ever stop to think how much it hurt us that you wouldn’t turn to us for help.” </p><p>“You didn’t try too hard.  Sorry, but it’s the truth.” </p><p>Barry interjected at this point, “Actually, that’s not quite true.  Your father was the one who put a stop to her trying.  I know I wasn’t part of the family at this point, but believe me, I’ve heard the entire story and I know she did try.  Your father was the one that said she should stop trying and that if you wanted their help you knew where to find them.  He didn’t say you deserved what happened to you but he said if you hadn’t been as wild as you were it probably wouldn’t have happened.  I know that’s the truth because I’ve actually spoken to your father about it.  He said you almost broke your mother’s heart and he wouldn’t stand for it, so if you’re blaming anyone, just be careful where you point the finger.” </p><p>“Is that true?” Missy asked her mother. </p><p>Yvonne wouldn’t answer but gave a barely perceptible nod of her head.   </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell him to go to hell?” </p><p>“Why do you think we divorced?” </p><p>“You fought my entire childhood. I don’t buy that for second.  You should never have got married.” </p><p>“We did fight all the time, but him not letting me try to get to you was the final straw.  And you’re right, we shouldn’t have got married but I’d just turned 17 when I found out I was pregnant...and I mean just.  I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after my birthday.  I didn’t know what else to do.  I’m sorry if you think I never wanted you, and that I’d abandoned you because that was never the case.” </p><p>I thought now might be a good time to take a break and said, “I think in light of everything that’s just been said that it might be a good idea to take a bit of time out so we can process it all.  We’re going to head to our room for half an hour.” </p><p>Barry agreed saying, “I think that’s a good idea.  Give us all a chance to have a bit of a think.” </p><p>… </p><p>An hour later, we rejoined Barry and Yvonne, having had a good chat ourselves about what we’d learnt.  Missy walked over to her mum and put her hand out to her then pulled her to her feet and wrapped her arms around her in a big hug.   </p><p>“We’ve still got a long way to go but I’m glad we got all of that out in the open.  I just want you to know that I love both of you and that I've never forgotten where I came from and I love my sister the same as I always have and I don’t want you to try and throw her in my face to prove how good she is.  I know how good she is and whilst she might not have all the fancy things I have, she has something that Tom and I will probably never have.  She has a family.” </p><p>“I know she has and I’m sorry that you’ll probably never have that.” </p><p>“I’m sorry it all came out the way it did, but I’m glad it’s all out in the open now,” she said.  “Dad?” </p><p>“Yes?” he asked. </p><p>“Will you come over here?” </p><p>Barry went and stood with them as Missy wrapped her arms around both of her parents, “I love you both very much.”   </p><p>At that point, I walked over and joined in the hug, then we all had to chuckle as Barry tried to break away saying, “Ok, that’s enough of that now, come on, let’s go to the pub for a feed.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>39.4 I'M NOT READY</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>39.4  I’m Not Ready</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I was so glad that we’d cleared the air, as unpleasant as it was, at least now we all knew where we stood and how we all felt.  I can’t say things will ever be great between my mother and me but at least we were on the right track to a better understanding. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dad suggested we get a feed at the pub, which we readily agreed to as I think we were more likely to be better behaved in public at the moment.  I know I’m accused of having no filter between my brain and my mouth but I at least attempt to be tactful, the same can’t be said for my mother.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right well, how about we get going then?” Dad said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll just get changed then we’ll be ready,” Tom answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Changed?” Dad questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Tom replied. “Change of clothes. Dress for dinner?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dad went to say something and I intervened, “It’s ok babe, what you’re wearing now is perfectly acceptable.  They don’t stand much on ceremony around here.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I keep forgetting,” Tom chuckled.  “I guess we were way overdressed last time we were there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it was our wedding so I think that’s a bit different.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be kind of nice to revisit in a </span>
  <span>way,</span>
  <span> won’t it?” he asked.  “Bring back some rather lovely memories.  God knows we could use something pleasant at the moment.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We walking or driving?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we’ll drive,” Dad replied, giving a slight nod towards Mum.  “Might rain and we don’t want to get wet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Rain?” Tom said.  “There’s not a cloud...oh,” he stopped as Dad gave him a glare then glanced at Mum. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” Mum said.  “They think I’m stupid.  We’ll take the car in case I get worn out or a bit disoriented.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>See what I mean about that filter?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you mind if we walked?” I asked.  “We’ll only be a few minutes longer than you, not like it’s a long way.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Suit yourself,” Mum told us.  “You’ll probably beat us anyway.  By the time we get the car out of the garage then park when we get there, you’ll probably be there.  Especially as you won’t have your high heels on like you did for your wedding.  Still don’t know how the bloody hell you didn’t fall ass up and break your ankles in those things.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve had some practice walking in heels,” I replied.  “I have to wear them for those stupid red carpet events so I don’t look ridiculously short beside Tom.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>They</span>
  <span> don’t look like much fun,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not.  I hate them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why do you do them?” Mum questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you put up with Dad driving 2 hours to work each day?” I responded.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it was his job,” she replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” I said with smile.  “It’s part of Tom’s job and I support him.  Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Checking that the dogs were ok, we headed to the pub walking hand in hand and, as predicted by Mum, we arrived just as they pulled up in the car.  Heading inside, we got a </span>
  <span>table, then</span>
  <span> Tom asked what everyone would like to drink.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a beer for me,” Dad said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Mum added.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want love?” Tom asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a water please,” I replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Mum raised her eyebrows at me and before she could say anything, I said, “I’m on antibiotics.  They don’t mix so good with alcohol.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes. Probably wise to drink water then.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Should you be drinking with your medication?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably not but I figure I might as well enjoy a drink while I still remember that I like it,” she stated matter of factly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good point,” I agreed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom came back with the drinks in a tray and placed them on the table when his business phone started to ring.  Checking the number, he frowned and said, “I need to take this, sorry.  Please excuse me for a moment.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you say anything, he wouldn’t answer it unless it was business.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How does he know it’s business?” Mum asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Business phone,” I answered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What so he’s got 2 phones?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.  And it’s not that unusual.  A lot of people in the industry have 2 phones.  One for business and then they have their personal phones.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why what?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why have 2 phones?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just told you why,” I said. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you just use the one phone?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he doesn’t want business associates calling his private number.  God, can you imagine it?  We’d be getting calls at all hours of the day and night.  The business phone is only turned on at certain times whereas the personal phone is on all the time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes sense I guess,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom returned and I could see he had some news he wanted to share but wouldn’t in front of my parents.  Asking Mum and Dad what they wanted to eat, Tom and I said we’d go and order.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, spill.  What’s going on?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom hesitated, ran his hand through his air then let a breath out before saying, “I’m needed in the UK as soon as I can get there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“As in how soon?” I questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“As in,  if I could be on a plane in the morning, they’d be happy.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But, we’re not ready.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.  I did say that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>So</span>
  <span> what happens?  You go without me and I’ll follow when I get everything </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span> here?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that is one option.  I told them I’d give them a call back in a couple of hours and let them know when I’ll be there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Heading back to join Mum and Dad, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I knew we were going soon but I wasn’t expecting Tom to have to leave quite so quickly and to be honest, I’m not sure I’m in any fit state to have to try and </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> things without Tom as my backup.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything ok?” Dad asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes.  Fine thanks,” Tom said.  “Just </span>
  <span>organising</span>
  <span> work.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You ok girl?” my father asked.  “You’ve just lost all the </span>
  <span>colour</span>
  <span> in your face.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine,” I responded, plastering a smile on my face then giving an excuse, “Just my leg’s a bit sore.  I’ll be ok.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We chatted a bit – well, they did, I was pretty quiet with a thousand thoughts running through my head.  The buzzer for dinner went off and Tom asked me if I’d help him bring the plates to the table.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, your father will help. Rest your leg if it’s a bit sore,” Mum suggested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at Tom and shrugging, knowing I didn’t really have much choice, I smiled at Dad, “Thanks.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Weren’t expecting the </span>
  <span>call</span>
  <span> were you?” Mum questioned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was expecting the call, just not the speed in which things have to move.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How long?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“For </span>
  <span>Tom; as</span>
  <span> soon as possible.  For me; whenever I get there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you’ll be leaving in the morning then?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t want to but, I have to be honest and say I don’t know.  We’ll have to have a chat once we’re finished eating and work out what we’re doing.  I really want to spend tomorrow with you and Dad.  Maybe Tom will go and I’ll stay.  I’m honestly not sure yet.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like you to be able to stay as planned but if you can’t I understand,” she said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at her for a few seconds, I smiled and said, “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I could say the same to you.  You’re letting your insecurities show in front of me, something you’ve worked hard not to do for a long time.  We might not get on all that well, but I still know you.  Once a mother, always a mother.  You’ll see.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as she’d said it, I could see her trying to take the words back.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t stress,” I told her.  “I know how you meant it.  Unfortunately, I probably won’t know.  We’re ok with it.  And let’s face it, neither of us are getting younger.  I know I’ve still got a few years up my sleeve but realistically, time’s running out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“At least you have nieces and nephews,” she told me.  “Not the same I know, but still...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Better than nothing,” I finished for her with a laugh.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and Dad came back with dinner and the topic of conversation turned to Tom’s work with my parents both curious about what he’d be doing.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed my food around the plate while Tom explained, “It’s like a Gothic romance,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> so like that </span>
  <span>ghosty</span>
  <span> one you did a while back?  The one where you got it on with your sister?” Dad asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I nearly choked on the mouthful of water I had when he said that, and even Mum gave a bit of a snort.  Tom gave a bit of a chuckle and said, “Not quite the same.  No sister in this one.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We finished eating and Mum and Dad decided to go say hello to a few of their friends giving Tom and I some time to talk about the phone call he’d received.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have to leave in the morning?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at me, he said, “I thought we’d go together.  You didn’t eat much.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not hungry.  I want to spend the day with Mum.  I don’t know what she’s going to be like the next time I see her and I feel like we’ve made a bit of a breakthrough.  I’m not ready to say goodbye to her just yet.  I’d love for us to go together, but if you need to go earlier then you’ll have to go on your own.  Besides, I’ve still got the shop to </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span>, Michelle to speak to, Neil to see, talk to Sparky about house sitting, </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> the dogs, close the house up if Sparky can’t house sit then arrange for Savannah, or someone to check mail and keep an eye on the house while we’re gone. Although to be honest, the way I feel about the house at the moment, I don’t much care what happens to it.  I guess, what I’m trying to say is; I’m not ready.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you think you’ll need?  Realistically.  One day? Two?  I don’t want to leave without you, not at all comfortable leaving you to handle everything this end on your own.  I can probably stall them for a couple of days but I’m not going to be able to make them wait much longer than that.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I want tomorrow with Mum even if we have to head home late tomorrow night.  It’s going to take me a couple of days to </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> everything even if you’re here and helping.  So, three days?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom blew a breath of air out and looked doubtful, “I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stall for that long.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t perform miracles.  Things have to be done before I can go and it’s going to take time.  It’s the best I can do.  Even that, I’m going to be pushing it to get everything done.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know.  I just don’t want to leave you behind.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what has to happen, then it happens.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom got really quiet for a minute then looked at me and said, “I’m scared if we don’t go together, you won’t come at all and there’s nothing I can do about it once I’m there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, call them back and see what they say.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just go outside,” he told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting by myself, sipping on my water, I started thinking about all that I had to try and get done.  It would have been a tough ask even if I was operating at 100% but I wasn’t and I honestly wasn’t sure how the hell I was supposed to get it all done.  Much as I don’t want Tom going before me, it’s going to be easier if he does as it’s going to give me a bit more time.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up as he headed back towards me, he gave a grim smile as he sat down.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” I asked.  “How much time have we got?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to be on set this time in two </span>
  <span>weeks</span>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Going to be cutting it fine, but I guess we’ll get it done.  Quarantine is the hardest part.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We might need to sit down later tonight and write a list of what needs to be done and which one of us is going to handle it.  Surely between the two of us we can get it done.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Mum and Dad came back to join us at the table and asked when we’d have to go.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have to leave here tomorrow night.  Tom has to be on set in two weeks, so with quarantine, we’re really going to be pushing it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Your father and I’ve been talking.  We think you should go in the morning...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” I exclaimed.  “I want to spend time...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me finish,” she said.  “Leave in the morning and we’ll drive down and help.  We can empty the fridge and pantry of anything you won’t use and box it up for charity.  We can get the house </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span> to close up.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re actually hopeful a friend will stay in it while we’re gone,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m sure there’s things we can help with, even if it’s just getting the gardens done.  We’ll stay tomorrow night then head home the next morning.  That way you can get a start on what you need to get done and we can still spend some time with you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let us have a chat and we’ll let you know.  For now, I think we should head back and start to work out everything we need to get done,” Tom told her.  “Regardless, we appreciate the offer.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Back at Mum’s, Tom and I had a chat about my parents coming to ‘help’, and both knew that there wasn’t really much they could do, but we were both touched that they wanted to help out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if they get the yard done,” Tom said.  “It’s something and it’s going to make them feel they’ve helped.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” I said.  “But they’re more likely to be a hindrance really.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably, but we’ll handle it.  Come on, let’s go tell them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll take you up on your offer of help as long as you’re sure you don’t mind,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy to help.  We thought maybe we could call Natalie to come and help too,” Mum said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” Tom and I both shouted.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. 40.1 I Knew You'd Do This, 40.2 A Silent Goodbye, 40.3 It's Not Funny, 40.4 How Dare She</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>40.1 I KNEW YOU'D DO THIS</strong>
</p><p>We spent a pleasant night together, Mum dragging out old photo albums that we sat looking through. </p><p>“Hard to believe you're sisters when you look at these,” Tom said looking at photos of Natalie and me.  “You look similar in the face but the difference in your colour is incredible.  You’re so dark and she’s so pale.” </p><p>“She got my Scottish blood,” Mum said pointing to Natalie before nodding towards me.  “You got your father’s colouring.” </p><p>“She was always a lot blonder than me too,” I said.  “I remember her hair being almost white whereas mine was like the colour of wet sand.” </p><p>“Courtesy of my red hair,” Mum said.  “It’s about the only thing you got from me, everything else is your father.” </p><p>“Except being short,” I laughed.  “I got your height, Natalie got our father’s height.”  Looking up at Tom I smiled and said, “I probably could have used the height.” </p><p>“You both picked tall ones,” Mum laughed.  “With Ken being 6’ 4” it’s probably a good thing Natalie got the height.” </p><p>“She could have given me a couple of inches,” I said.  “Not fair that she got it all.” </p><p>“There’s still 6” between her and Ken,” Mum said. </p><p>“There’s 9 between Tom and I,” I stated.  “Like I said, she could have shared the height thing.  Actually, I blame you,” I told her.  “Your fault I’m so short.  Come to think of it, you and my father together must have been a sight.” </p><p>“Same height difference as you two,” she said nodding towards Tom and I.  “I’ve shrunk a little bit because of the scoliosis and hip displacia.  I used to be 5’ 4” but not anymore.” </p><p>“Oh, look at Mandy,” I said, pointing to our golden labrador.  “She was such a good dog.  Thanks for getting this out mum, reminds me that not everything from the past was shitty.” </p><p>“We had some good times.” </p><p>Putting the photo albums away, she came back and sat down, seemingly caught up in her own thoughts before saying, “You and Natalie were so different.  She was difficult, cranky. You were always so easy going.” </p><p>“Think you might have that the wrong way around Mum,” I said.  “I was the socially awkward one and she seemed to get on with everyone.” </p><p>“As you got older yes, but when you were little, you were always easy going.  She was such a cranky thing.  Then it all changed.  She got my colouring you know, Scottish fair skin.  You got your father’s dark skin, you were always so dark.” </p><p>I looked at Dad, he looked at me then Tom took my hand. </p><p>“I think I might go to bed,” she said.  “I’m tired.  See you in the morning.” </p><p>“Night Mum,” I said.  “Sleep well.” </p><p>Dad stood and started closing up, allowing us to finally bring the dogs in so they could sleep in our room with us.   </p><p>“Put their beds on the floor at the end of the bed,” he told us.  “I don’t want them on the bed.” </p><p>“They don’t sleep on our bed,” I told him.  “They always use their beds.” </p><p>“Spoilt bloody things they are,” he muttered as opened the door for them.  “Alright girl, I’ll see you in the morning.  Tom.” </p><p>“Goodnight,” we both said. </p><p>… </p><p>Next morning, we had a coffee, packed everything up and headed out early, with Mum and Dad to follow shortly after.  We’d worked out a rough list of things we needed to get done and we’d be getting straight into it as soon as my parents joined us.  Some of it could be done by phone and Tom was going to get straight onto that as soon as we got home. </p><p>“Do you want me to drive or do you want to?” Tom asked. </p><p>“Probably you.  Not sure how the leg will hold up in one position for that long.” </p><p>“Let me know if you need to stop and stretch.  I can pull over for a few minutes.” </p><p>“I’ll be fine.  It was ok on the way up, should be fine on the way back.” </p><p>“Yes, but on the way up you hadn’t done all the walking you’ve done since we’ve been here, and Paddy pulled you along quite a bit yesterday down by the lake.” </p><p>“I wish the boys didn’t have to stay in quarantine,” I said.  “I’d be happy to quarantine them with us.” </p><p>“I know, I’m not thrilled about it either but there’s little we can do about it.  I’d rather have them in quarantine for a few weeks than left here for months.” </p><p>“I know, but Paddy’s getting older and the travel is going to be hard enough on him without then being kept away from us.” </p><p>“It’s only a few weeks and then we’ll have them with us.  You’ll probably have to bring them home though, I’m not sure what my schedule is going to be.” </p><p>“Speaking of home, are you staying on location or heading home or what’s going on?” </p><p>“I honestly don’t know at the moment.  I suppose a lot will depend on the schedule they set.  I’ll be home as much as I possibly can be.  I don’t want to leave you if I don’t have to.  Maybe we could get Mum to come up, or you could go to her if there’s going to be periods where I can’t get home.” </p><p>“I guess we’ll figure it out once we get there.  I just don’t relish the thought of being stuck somewhere I don’t know, on my own for days on end.” </p><p>“You could always come and stay with me,” Tom suggested. </p><p>“Um, the boys?” I said.  “Not like I can leave them to fend for themselves for days on end, is it?” </p><p>“Let’s not stress about it.  We’ll work it out when we get there.  We’ve got 10 days pretty much stuck inside anyway.” </p><p>“Yes, where I can’t even have my boys with me.  Maybe you should go on your own and I’ll just stay here with the boys.  I can stay with Mum for a bit, maybe go visit Chris and Elsa for a while.  It’s only a 4 and half month shoot.  We’ve done longer in the past.  We can talk to each...” </p><p>“I knew you’d do this,” he said.  “No, we’re not going to be on opposite sides of the world for that long, no you shouldn’t stay here on your own with the boys, no we can’t just talk to each other every day, no you can’t stay with your parents or Chris and Elsa because you’re going to be with me...in the UK. It’s not open for discussion.” </p><p>“What about...” </p><p>“No.  Not what about anything.  As I said, it’s not open for discussion.  Either you come with me, or I don’t go.” </p><p>“You have to go; you signed a contract.” </p><p>“Then you’ll have to come with me.” </p><p>“I’m not the one signed the contract.” </p><p>“No, but you’re the one that told me you could face the world because you knew I’d be by your side.  Time to honor that my love.” </p><p>“You know it drives me nuts that you can remember things like that.” </p><p>“You expect me to forget what you said to me on our wedding day?  After it took me that long to get you there?  I remember word for word what you said to me that day.” </p><p>“Doesn’t really surprise me I guess and we both know I’m going to come with you, I’m just anxious about it all.  I don’t want to get there and be away from you for weeks on end.  If that’s the case then I may as well be here, and I can’t leave the boys alone.” </p><p>Taking my hand in his, he raised it to his mouth and grazed the back of it with his lips, “We’ll work it all out ok?  I won’t leave you alone unless I have to; I don’t want to leave you alone.  I want you with me, you know that.” </p><p>“I know, I’m just a bit anxious about getting everything done and then needing to leave the boys with people they don’t know.” </p><p>“It’s only for a few weeks.  Try not to think of it.  Besides, we’ve still got the next 24 hours to get through with your parents.” </p><p>“Maybe I’ll get on the plane myself and leave you to deal with it all.” </p><p>“You wouldn’t.” </p><p>“Are you daring me Hiddleston?” </p><p>“No darling, I’m not that brave.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>40.2 A SILENT GOODBYE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>40.2 A Silent Goodbye </p><p> </p><p>Pulling into the driveway was such a relief and I couldn’t wait to get out of the car and stretch my leg.  Tom was right; all the walking around the lake with Paddy dragging me along, then walking to and from the pub, had stiffened it up a bit and being cramped up on the car had been quite uncomfortable. </p><p>“Just wait there,” he said, “I’ll come around and help you out.” </p><p>“I can do it,” I told him, hauling myself out of the car.  </p><p>He’d come around my side and was there to catch me when I stumbled. </p><p>“Told you to wait,” he said.  “Is it ok?” </p><p>“Just a bit stiff,” I answered.  “I’m ok.” </p><p>Pulling me to him, he held me close for a minute before letting me go then placing a kiss on my forehead asked, “How do you feel being home again?” </p><p>“Relieved to get out of the car.  The house itself,” I shrugged, “Don’t really know.” </p><p>I put my hand out to hold his arm as he went to the back of the car to let the boys out of their crates.  Standing close to him, I knew I should be getting bags out of the car and taking them inside but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it until he was finished with the boys. </p><p>“Come on,” he said.  “Let’s get inside, get a coffee, then we can finish unpacking the car and get ourselves organised.  You ok?” </p><p>“I told you before, I’m ok.  I wish you’d stop asking.  Why wouldn’t I be ok?” </p><p>“Because you’ve got a death grip on my arm and haven’t taken more than a step without reaching for me, or holding me.” </p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>“It’s ok,” he told me.  “Clearly you don’t feel safe here.” </p><p>“I have to get over this.  We’ve got too much to do for me to be freaking out every time I set foot outside the door.  I can do this,” I told him letting go of his arm. </p><p>He moved to get the bags out of the car, looking over his shoulder as he took the two steps to the car door.   </p><p>Ok, I’d handled not holding him while we were outside; that’s a step in the right direction.  Opening the door, he reached in and got the bags then kicked the door shut.   </p><p>“Ready?” he asked. </p><p>Nodding, I took a step as a car on the street backfired.  Tom threw the bags and caught me just before I hit the ground, hands tucked up over my head, scream ripping from my throat. </p><p>“Shhh, it’s ok.  I’ve got you.  It was only a car.” </p><p>“Get me the hell out of here Tom,” I said.  “I can’t be here.” </p><p>“Just a couple of days my love. Just hold on for a couple of days then I’ll get you away from here, ok?  Can you hold on for a couple of days?” </p><p>Holding me close to him, we went inside where he sat me down on the couch while he started making coffee.  I heard the intercom go and guessed my parents had arrived.  Tom buzzed them in the gate, then brought me a coffee before going to open the door. </p><p>I heard them talking quietly as they came in, Tom obviously clueing them into what had happened outside.  Jesus, what a mess I must be if I can’t even handle the sound of a damn car backfiring.  Giving myself a stern talking to while Tom settled my parents in the guest room, I drank my coffee down then stood up and went in search of them. </p><p>“I was coming back,” Tom said.  “I was just settling your parents.” </p><p>“I’m fine.  We’ve got a lot to do and we can’t afford me to fall apart.  Now, I’m going to call Savannah and organise a time to have a chat with her about the shop.  You call the dog courier and organise the boys. Once we’ve done that we’ll try and get hold of Sparky and see if he’s interested in house sitting.” </p><p>“We probably should try Sparky first,” Tom suggested.  “That way, if he doesn’t want to stay here, we can ask Savannah if she can keep an eye on the place.” </p><p>“Good point,” I said.   </p><p>“Tom, you make the call,” Mum told him, “That way we all know what we’re doing.  No point in us cleaning everything out of the fridge and pantry if it’s going to get used.  I can give the house a once over while your father checks the yard and does anything out there while you two sort out everything here.” </p><p>“I’ll get tickets organised,” Tom said.   </p><p>“Do you want me to do that?” I asked.  </p><p>“I’ll do it.  You’ll have enough to do,” he said, smiling at me as he gave a quick glance towards my mother.  “Alright my love, we need to get started.  I’ll head to the office and start making calls.  I’ll let you know if I get hold of Sparky and what he says as soon as I can.  Maybe you could start working out what clothes, if any, you want to take.  I know there’s still some back home but they probably smell terrible and God only knows what state they’re in.” </p><p>“They should be fine, I packed them in those vacuum seal bags.  Can’t for the life of me remember what’s there, but I know I packed them away properly.  Ok, you go and get a start on things.” </p><p>Tom disappeared into the office, while I set Mum and Dad to work outside cleaning the pool area that didn’t really need cleaned but it made them feel useful and kept them out of my hair.  We’d have to organise garden maintenance too...so much to do and all I wanted to do was sit with my husband and do nothing. </p><p>“Darling? Where are you?” I heard from inside.   </p><p>“Coming,” I called back, not moving as I watched my mother straightening the sun lounges and flick a couple of stray leaves off the decking.  She must have sensed me watching her because she looked over to me, put a hand up to her forehead to shade the sun, then gave me a smile I hadn’t seen in years.   </p><p>“Come on love,” I heard beside me.  “We need to get moving.  What are you doing?” </p><p>“Saying a silent goodbye to the mother that’s going to have changed so much by the time I see her again,” I said as I wiped a stray tear away and headed inside with my husband. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>40.3 It's Not Funny</p><p>40.3  It’s Not Funny </p><p>I understood that she wanted to stand and watch her mother, understood that the changes are going to be noticeable the next time we see her, but we’ve got so much to do and I really need her to haul her ass so we have some hope of achieving the miracle we’re going to need.  I feel like an absolute bastard for not allowing her the time she probably needs to say her silent goodbyes, but I want her with me on the plane because if she’s not, I’ve got an uphill battle getting her to get on one at all. </p><p>“You right love?” I asked putting my arm around her and shepherding her into the house.   </p><p>“It’s not fair.  She’s too damn young to have dementia.  I know she does my head in, but why her?  She’s been through enough with her health, she deserves a break.  Polio, diabetes, pancreatitis...” </p><p>“I know, it’s not fair.  Can you find the number for the dog courier while I call Sparky?” I asked.  </p><p>She stood and stared at me with an incredulous expression on her face, and it was then I realised, I’d quite literally just brushed off the concerns she held for her mother's health.  </p><p>“I didn’t...” </p><p>“Don’t.  Even.” she said storming out of the office.  “Arrange it on your own.  For yourself.  Don’t worry about the dogs or me, we’re not coming,” she yelled over her shoulder as she headed down the hallway.  I heard the back door open then slam shut.  ‘Well done, Tom,’ I told myself. </p><p>Letting out a long breath, I ran my hands through my hair then shook my head.  Sometimes I wish I could just put a gag on her, tie her hands and legs together and throw her over my shoulder, place her where I need her to be, when I need her to be there, with no argument.   Yes, I know, it’s rather barbaric but it would save me a lot of time, and time is a rather precious commodity at the moment. </p><p>Well, regardless of how pissed she is, I’ve still got calls to make and things to organise because, if it comes down to it, I will throw her over my bloody shoulder and put her on the plane – not that she’d let me because it might cause a scene and we can’t have that.  Anyway, I’ll give her a couple of minutes to cool down while I call Sparky. </p><p>“Sparky? Tom, how are you?” </p><p>“Good mate.  Must be almost time for you to head off yeah?” </p><p>“It is actually. I need to be on set in two weeks so we’re frantically trying to organise things, which leads me to why I’m calling.  I don’t have time to be delicate unfortunately so I’ll come straight to the point, and I apologise for being so personal, but we, Missy and I that is, were wondering if you were still living with family?” </p><p>He hesitated momentarily, then answered, “Yeah, I am at the moment.  I’m just trying to sort myself out and finalise things with Marisol before I start picking up the pieces.  Why were you asking?” </p><p>“We were hoping we could convince you to move in here, our house, while we’re overseas.  Like a caretaker position I suppose.  We’ll organise  remuneration of course, but we’d need you to be here day after tomorrow; I know it’s short notice and I do apologise, but we only found out yesterday evening we were needed that soon.  If you’re not interested that’s fine, we’ll organise something else.  I apologise for putting the pressure on.” </p><p>“You want me to move into your house? For how long?” Sparky asked. </p><p>“Well, if you’re interested it would be for about 6 months all up.  Missy may come back but she would probably go and stay with her parents or friends.” </p><p>“Mate, I’d love to do it.  Much as I appreciate the family putting me up, I could really use a bit of space and I don’t want to hear anything about remuneration.  Just having some space to myself is payment enough.” </p><p>“Oh, fantastic.  Listen,  is there any chance you could come over this evening and we’ll run you through the security system and work things out with you?  You’ve just taken a massive weight of my shoulders.  Thanks Sparky.” </p><p>“No, it should be me thanking you.  And yeah, I’ll come over after work.  Bye Tom.” </p><p>Giving an air punch, I jumped up out of the chair and went to share the good news.  I had so much on my mind, I’d already forgotten her bad mood and threat to stay behind.  As I walked outside, I saw Yvonne standing in front of her daughter hands on hips, talking.  My heart sank a little; I’d upset her by brushing aside her fears for her mother and now, it was quite clear she was getting a dressing down of some sort.   </p><p>As I got nearer, I heard Yvonne say, “You’ll do no such thing. You’ll get yourself back inside and help your husband and stop being so damned dramatic.  Whether you’re here or not, things are going to change, I’m going to get worse and there’s absolutely nothing can be done about it.  It’s only six months you’re going to be gone, not six years.  They’ve said it will be a slow decline at first.  I should still be able to feed and dress myself by the time you get back, I might even remember who you are,” she finished with a laugh. </p><p>“It’s not funny,” her daughter said, glaring at her. </p><p>“Of course it is,” Yvonne said.  “I remember laughing at my grandmother and mother.  They were hysterical.  Frustrating as hell, but funny too.  Honestly, you probably won’t notice a huge change in me.  I should still be able to tell my left from right, remember that I like scotch and rum and can’t stand tea, I might even be able to remember that you and I can spend time together without the risk of a murder charge,” she said as she looked up at me and winked. </p><p>I couldn’t help but laugh at that.  “If I see you with a cup of tea, I’ll organise to have you locked up then,” I said winking back at her. </p><p>“It’s not funny.  What if you do decline quickly?  What if I don’t get...” </p><p>“Then it happens,” Yvonne said.  “Your place is with your husband, not me.  Now, stop making excuses and stop trying to pick fights and go organise yourself.” </p><p>Muttering to herself about us conspiring behind her back, she walked off, phone in hand, then turned and looked at me, “Well, are you coming?  Apparently, we have things to organise.” </p><p>“Thank you,” I said, turning back to Yvonne and placing a kiss on top of her head, “You’re a lifesaver.” </p><p>“Take a firm hand with her,” I got told.  “You’re too soft on her at times.” </p><p>“I put my foot down when I need to, but I do it in a way...” </p><p>“That she thinks she’s still winning.  Yes, I know.  I’ve seen it.  But don’t let her get away with too much.   She needs a firm hand.  Things might have been different if I’d been firmer with her.  She was such a good kid,” she trailed off and stood looking off into the distance before turning back to me, “You need to take a firm hand with that girl, don’t let her walk over you...oh, I already said that didn’t I?” </p><p>“You did.” </p><p>“Don’t tell her.  She’s already looking for excuses.  She belongs at your side, not mine.  Go, whip her into shape.” </p><p>Laughing, I looked at my mother-in-law and said, “I’m not quite that brave, but I shall give her a very stern talking to.” </p><p>She turned away and began walking back to where Barry was bent over pulling out weeds, then turned back to me, “I do love her.  Make sure she knows that.” </p><p>I nodded and smiled, “She knows.  But I’ll tell her again.  Thank you.” </p><p>I could understand now why my wife had just wanted to spend some time watching, and being with her mother.  We were getting to see a side that was rarely shown, and I liked this one. </p><p>
  
</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>40.4 HOW DARE SHE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’ll be taking a great deal of artistic </span>
  <span>licence</span>
  <span> regarding travel in the next few chapters.  If this is likely to bother </span>
  <span>you,</span>
  <span> might I suggest you don’t read the story for a few days.  I’ll do my best to post daily but given our volatile weather situation, I can’t promise.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>40.4</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still pissed at you,” I said as we went into the house.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t doubt that you would be.  I just want you to know I wasn’t trying to make light of your concerns regarding your mother’s health.  You know I wouldn’t do that and I’m sorry if it came across that way, I never intended it to, but we really are pushed for time with everything we need to get done and I just phrased the sentence very badly.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you did.  I know you didn’t mean it the way it came out.  I’m just feeling super sensitive right now.  I’m not entirely comfortable being in the house, I’m anxious about the plane, stressed about the boys in quarantine, sad that I have to leave mum – especially now that we’ve cleared the air.  I’m worried you’re going to be away most of the time on set and I’m going to be in an unfamiliar place without you, worried about leaving Savannah – oh, did you call Sparky?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did.  That’s one thing we can cross off our list.  He said he’d do it.  I told him to come over tonight and we can run him through the security system and anything else he needs.  Can you look up the number for the dog courier please?  I’ll </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> our tickets while you do.  How much luggage do you think you’ll have?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Letting out a breath, I tried to think what I'd be taking, “I don’t know.  I can’t remember what I’ve got there and what I’m likely to need.  A carry on and one suitcase?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If need be, you can always get more when we get there.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate buying new clothes, you know that.  I’d rather just take as much from here as I can.  Here’s the number for the courier.  I’m going to go call Savannah.  I’ll have to go and see her tomorrow.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an odd one,” he told me as he took the </span>
  <span>number</span>
  <span> I’d written down.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Why’s</span>
  <span> that?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You detest shopping, don’t like buying new clothes, go makeup free whenever you get the chance and are happiest in a pair of old jeans and t-shirt.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d be surprised how many women feel the same.  I don’t see the point in buying new clothes when there’s nothing wrong with the old ones.  Anyway, who are you to talk, </span>
  <span>Mr</span>
  <span> blue sweater and jeans?” I laughed.  “Make your calls, I need to go </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> things with Savannah then check on mum and dad.  Did you want coffee or anything?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me make these calls, then I’ll come out and have a coffee with you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to dig out the </span>
  <span>immunisation</span>
  <span> certificates for the boys too.  I’ll do that once I’ve spoken to Savannah.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I left him making his calls, checked on mum and dad then called Savannah.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sav, how’s things?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound tired,” she said.  “And things are fine so don’t stress.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t help but stress.  I need to come in and see you tomorrow.  Tom and I leave for the UK day after tomorrow, we only found out late yesterday.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> good God, you must be frantic trying to get everything done.  Anything we can do to help?  Do you need someone to keep an eye on the house?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Tom’s </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span> for Sparky to housesit for us.  Just need to </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> someone to come and do the lawn and pool while we’re gone.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What time do you want to meet up tomorrow?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I don’t know.  I’ve got so much to do.  Sparky’s going to come over tonight so we can run him through everything...I don’t suppose you could come over </span>
  <span>tonight</span>
  <span> could you?  Mum and dad are here, they’re staying tonight but...no, I can’t ask you to do that.  Look, I’ll try and get in...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind coming to yours if it makes it easier,” she said.  “I can call in on my way home.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you mind?  I feel guilty asking you to do it but we’ve still got so much to </span>
  <span>organise</span>
  <span> here, paperwork, valuables, God it’s a nightmare.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind.  I’ll be there around </span>
  <span>6,</span>
  <span> ok?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Savannah, I love you.  Give yourself a raise,” I laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just lucky I like you,” she chuckled.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, I’ll see you tonight.  And Sav?  Thank you, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. Seriously, give yourself a raise, you deserve it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You pay me handsomely as it is, I’m not giving myself a raise.  Besides, we’re saving a fortune living in your house.  You’ve been incredibly good to us so I’m more than happy to help out where I can.  I’ll see you later.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>My mind was already moving on to the next job I needed to tackle, but first, coffee.  Opening the back door, I called out, “Mum, Dad, time for coffee.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Be there in a minute,” was the answer I got.  They don’t drink as much coffee as I do but I certainly inherited my mother’s love of the stuff.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While I waited for Tom and my parents, I started scribbling a few notes for myself as to what I still needed to do.  The main thing now was putting our valuables and paperwork in the safe and getting clothing </span>
  <span>organised</span>
  <span>.  Last night it had all seemed quite unreal, but now it seems all too real.  Looking around the house, I thought of the past year </span>
  <span>and I</span>
  <span> started to get pissed.   How dare that bloody woman </span>
  <span>break</span>
  <span> in here and violate the sanctity of my home, my space.  There weren’t that many memories here as we’d only had the house for a few years and Tom had been away for a great deal of that time but still; this is our safe place and she’s taken that. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pouring a coffee for myself, I sat on the stool glaring at the piece of paper in front of me when Tom walked in.  He glanced over at me as he went to pour himself a coffee then stopped and did a double </span>
  <span>take, “</span>
  <span>You look like you’re out for blood my love.  What poor unfortunate soul has wronged you?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How freaking dare she,” I said through gritted teeth. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom gave me a puzzled look but before he could say anything, I started, “How freaking dare she </span>
  <span>break</span>
  <span> in here, into </span>
  <em>
    <span>our</span>
  </em>
  <span> house, shoot </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> dog, bitch, and think that she’d have a hope in hell of being with </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> husband, sully </span>
  <em>
    <span>our</span>
  </em>
  <span> space,</span>
  <em>
    <span> our</span>
  </em>
  <span> memories, then have the audacity to shoot me because I was in the way of her plan. Bitch.  I’m so freaking angry right now.  Have me scared in my own house, have me so that I can’t go outside.  Well screw you Karen, you don’t win this one.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the spirit,” Tom said.  “That’s more like the girl I know and love.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s really pissed me off,” I said.  “I love this house and if she thinks she can scare me out of it, she can think again.  I hope Sparky’s ready for a house mate when I come back because I’m not letting that poor excuse of a woman win and have me too scared to be in my own house.”  With that I downed my coffee, hollered at Mum and Dad to hurry up and get their coffee before I drank it all, then went storming out to the car to bring in the few things we’d left in there when we’d come home and I'd freaked out with the backfire.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back into the house with a bag and a few of the boys toys to see Tom sitting holding his coffee cup over his mouth trying to hide a smirk.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your problem Hiddleston?” I asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely nothing my love.  Welcome back.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. 41.1 Getting Organised,  41.2 Yanu, 41.3 Almost Time, 41.4 It's Time (part 1), 31.4 It's Almost time (part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>41.1 GETTING ORGANISED</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>41.1 Getting Organised </p><p>That’s my girl, fired up and ready to tackle the world.  This is the girl that’s made me duck for cover on more than one occasion.  A force to be reckoned with.  I can’t tell you how much my heart was singing seeing her like this.  Oh, I know it won’t last, but it’s such a relief to know she’s still in there.  It hurts to see her scared of her own shadow.  I know how to deal with this version of her, I’m not sure on how to handle the other one.   </p><p>“Drink up,” she told me, putting her finger under the bottom of the mug and tilting it towards my mouth.  “We’ve got papers to sort out and valuables to lock up.  Let’s go, time’s a wasting.” </p><p>Finishing my coffee, I looked across to Yvonne who was hiding behind her coffee mug, much the same as I’d been doing a few minutes ago, hiding a smirk.  Catching her eye, I gave her a wink and allowed myself to be dragged towards the office as she told her parents, “We’re just going to sort out what we need keep out, what we need to lock away, then we’ll be back out.  Rest, watch tv, paint the garage, whatever takes your fancy.” </p><p>Opening the door to the office she dragged me through then went to go to her desk, but I kicked the door shut then pinned her against it, holding her wrists above her head as I bent down and kissed her.  “You’re so cute when you’re bossy,” I said against her lips.   </p><p>“Mmmm, nice as this is, you were saying something earlier about not having a lot of time.  Now, if you want to carry this on, I’m all for it, but I won’t guarantee things are going to be done on time.” </p><p>Giving her another quick kiss, I let her go, “I suppose I can wait.  Let’s face it, you’re going to be captive in a house with me for 10 days with no escape.  I’m sure I can make up for lost time.” </p><p>“I have no doubt,” she answered as she started pulling things out of her desk.  “Now, I suggest we get this lot sorted then go grab any jewelery you don’t want to take with us.” </p><p>“Yes ma’am,” I said as I started to sort out what I was likely to need and what could be locked away.  We didn’t want to lock the office as we knew Sparky would probably want to use it as he had a business to run and it made sense for him to make use of the space.  </p><p>Half an hour later we’d finished sorting everything and had everything we weren’t taking locked in the safe.   </p><p>“You sure you don’t want any of that jewelery?” I asked her. </p><p>“No.  It can stay.  I’ve got my favourite pieces,” she said, holding the phoenix necklace I’d given her. </p><p>“Rings?” I asked. </p><p>Holding her left hand up, she waggled her fingers in front of me, “These are the only ones I need,” she said with a smile.   </p><p>“Well, I guess we’re done with all this then.  What next? Clothes?” I asked. </p><p>“I just want to check on my parents first, then yeah, I guess we should probably pack some clothes.” </p><p>“You won’t need a lot, the weather should be warming up,” I told her then laughed when she shot me a look of horror. </p><p>“Warm?” she asked.  “Warm?  Damn babe, summer over there is barely like our spring.  I’ll need every jacket and coat I own.” </p><p>“It’s not that bad,” I answered. </p><p>“Ha!  We’ll see.  Just remember you’ve not really spent a lot of time there recently.  You’re more used to our weather here.” </p><p>“Darling, I’ll never be used to the weather here.  I miss London weather, the rain, the crisp mornings.” </p><p>“Yeah, real crisp, so crisp your feet feel like they’re going to snap off because it’s so damn cold,” she stated, adding a shiver for good effect. </p><p>“Oh, get over yourself,” I laughed.  “We’ve got central heating, it’s not like you’ll freeze to death.” </p><p>“Until I go outside, turn blue and get mistaken for a frost giant,” she said. </p><p>I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the expression on her face, which was one of sheer horror at the thought of being cold.  “I don’t think there’s any fear of you being mistaken for a frost giant my darling, you’re far too short.” </p><p>Giving me the side eye, she ended up laughing too, “Oh hush you.” </p><p>Putting my arm around her, we left the office and made our way through the house to find her parents.  </p><p>“Mum?” she called out, “Where are you?” </p><p>“Outside,” came the reply.  “Dad’s reorganising your shed.” </p><p>“Oh crap,” she said as she ran for the door.  “My art.” </p><p>Getting ready to follow, I grabbed her phone which had started to ring and went out the door calling to her. </p><p>“Your phone love,” I said, handing it to her. “It’s your father; biological father.” </p><p>“Thanks,” she said taking the phone from me.  “Hello, could you hold for minute please? Thanks.”  Then putting her head through the door of the shed, she told her father, “Don’t throw anything out.  I have to take this call, but don’t throw anything ok?  Nothing at all.” </p><p>“I wasn’t going to,” her father answered. </p><p>“Sorry, hello,” she said as she walked away from the shed.  “Is something wrong?” </p><p>I watched her face as she listened and realised fairly quickly something was, in fact wrong...judging by the look on her face, something was very wrong.  Grabbing her, I steered her towards a chair and held her arm while she flopped down. </p><p>“Ok. Um, so...did they say how...have you got any idea...no, no, I get that.  No, that’s fine.  I’m supposed to be leaving for the UK day after tomorrow so I’m not sure what you...Oh.  No, that’s fine.  Ok, thanks for letting me know.” </p><p>Ending the call, she sat still for a minute, then looked up at me and shook her head.  “She does my head in.” </p><p>“Who?  Your stepmother?” </p><p>“Yes. She just can’t shut up, jabbering away in the background.” </p><p>“Is everything ok?” I asked. </p><p>“No.  No, it’s not,” she replied.  “I know it’s silly because I haven’t had much to do with them in a long time, but he’s still my father.” </p><p>“Not silly at all.” </p><p>“Mum, can you come here please?” she called out. </p><p>Yvonne came over, took one look at her daughter then put her hand on her shoulder and rubbed. </p><p>“What’s up?” she asked. </p><p>“That was my father. It would appear he has bladder cancer and they can’t operate because of his other health issues.  No idea how long he’s got or how aggressive it is...and he doesn’t want me to change my travel plans or go to see him.” </p><p>That had to hurt.  As she said, they’ve not really had a lot to do with each other for quite a long time, but they did keep in contact, so to be told he didn’t want her to visit was a pretty low act as far as I was concerned.   </p><p>“I’m so sorry love,” I said, taking her hand and raising it to my lips. </p><p>Shrugging she looked at me, then her parents and said, “Come on, we’ve got things to do.  I haven’t got time to be sitting here worrying about something I have no control over.  You guys finish tidying up in the shed, I’ll go start packing my clothes.”  And with that she stood up and went inside. </p><p>Looking to Yvonne, I asked, “Are you ok?” </p><p>“It’s been years Tom.  I barely give the man a thought.  I’m fine.  She’s not,” she said nodding her head towards the house.   </p><p>“I know,” I said.  “And usually I’d push it until I made her admit it, but I think this time I’m going to wait until we get to the UK before I make her face up to it.” </p><p>“You do what you think is best for her son,” Barry said.  “You’re the one that has to pick up the pieces when it finally hits home, so if you want to wait until you’ll have a bit of time and privacy to deal with the fall out, we support your decision.” </p><p>“Thank you,” I said.  “I really appreciate it.  Anyway, I need to go and pack my clothes as well.  Savannah will be over after she closes the shop to discuss business and Sparky, a mate from the pub, is going to be housesitting for us, and he’ll be over a bit later too and I’d like to try and have as much done as we can.  Tomorrow’s going to be a tough one for Missy because we say goodbye to the boys for the next three and a half weeks and she’s got an appointment with her doctor and psychologist.” </p><p>Returning to the house, I was walking up the hallway towards the bedroom and stopped in the doorway, watching as she pulled clothes out of the closet, held them up, folded them up and put them back in the closet. </p><p>“Before you ask,” she said not turning around, “no, I’m not ok but I’ll hold it together until we get to the UK, then I’ll fall apart.  I’m not thinking about it yet, but I will, I promise.  Then you can help me pick up the pieces and put them back together again,” she said, turning to face me. </p><p>Nodding, I held my arms open and she ran across the room, launching herself at me, jumping and wrapping her legs around my waist, burying her face in my neck.   </p><p>“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I thank the Goddesses every day, for sending you my way.  I know I don’t tell you enough, but you really are my everything and I couldn’t do this crazy thing called life without you by my side.” </p><p>“The feeling is very mutual,” I told her. </p><p> “I love you with so much of my heart, that none is left to protest,” she said with a smile. <b> * </b> </p><p>“Shakespeare,” I said, “I’m impressed.” </p><p>“So you should be,” she said as she lowered her lips to mine. </p><p>….......... </p><p>The line Missy quoted is from Much Ado About Nothing (Act 4 Scene 1) </p><p>
  
</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>41.2 YANU</strong>
</p><p>Standing in front of the closet, I had absolutely no idea what to pack.  I felt like I’d picked the same t-shirt up 10 times, looked at it and discarded it. I know I need to focus and get things done but this little voice in my head keeps wanting to give me information I don’t want to acknowledge at the moment.  I don’t have time to fall apart yet and if I listen to that voice, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.  I was already feeling pretty emotional and the news about my biological father just kind of tipped the scales.  I really need to hold it together for another couple of days.  Tomorrow’s going to be a rough one though and I’m seriously thinking about cancelling my appointment with Michelle.  I just don’t think it’s a great idea to have to deal with the emotional fall out of everything that’s going on. </p><p>“You know you’ve picked that shirt up 6 times now?” Tom asked me. “And each time, you put it back down.” </p><p>“I thought I’d picked it up a few times,” I said. “I honestly don’t know what to take.  I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all.” </p><p>“Can I make a suggestion?” he asked.  </p><p>“Of course,” I answered. </p><p>“Pack your favourite things and leave everything else here.  You’ve got clothes back home, have a look through them, then when you’re bored out of your brain during our quarantine, you can do some online shopping.” </p><p>Smiling at him, I nodded, “You’re not just a pretty face after all, are you?” </p><p>“I don’t think I was in the first place.  Just pack your jeans and t-shirts.  I can almost guarantee you’ve got jackets, coats and sweaters at the house.  Grab your boots and shoes.  Do you know if you’ve got any formal clothes packed away?” </p><p>“I think there might be a couple of outfits in the vacuum bags.  I vaguely remember putting a couple of dresses away after premier events.  I don’t really intend going out much anyway if I can avoid it.” </p><p>“I know, but you never know what might come up so best to be prepared.” </p><p>“Can I have a hug please?” I asked.  “I don’t want to go but I can’t wait to get there.  Does that make any sense?” </p><p>Coming over, he wrapped me in his arms, tucked my head under his chin and said, “Perfect sense.  You going to be ok?” </p><p>“I’ll hold it together if that’s what you’re asking. I think I’m going to cancel my appointment with Michelle.” </p><p>“I think not,” he said.  “You need to see her.  You need to sort out a phone schedule with her so you can keep up your sessions.  Just let her know you’re not avoiding what’s going on, but you’re delaying it.” </p><p>“She’s gonna love that,” I laughed.  “Ok, I need to get this done.  I love you,” I told him putting my head up for a quick kiss. </p><p>Giving me a swat on the butt, he said, “Hurry up and pack before I get other ideas and show you just how much I love to love you.” </p><p>“Hmmm, I’m not sure I want to get moving,” I laughed.  “I think I like the sound of what you just said.” </p><p>“Yes, and I can imagine your mother bursting in here shortly to find out what’s taking so long, so maybe not.” </p><p>We managed to get ourselves focused on the task at hand, and once we did, it didn’t take too long to get it done.  Bags packed, zipped, locked and ready to go, we realised it was time for lunch.   </p><p>“What do you want to do?” Tom asked.  “I’m not sure if we’ve got enough here for a meal.” </p><p>“We’ll figure something out,” I said.  “Come on.” </p><p>Reaching the kitchen, Mum was just finishing throwing some food together and plating it. </p><p>“Couldn’t find much,” she said, “but it’ll feed us all.  You might need to figure something out for later though.” </p><p>“You’re staying tonight, aren’t you?” I asked. </p><p>“We were just talking about that and we thought we’d leave you to it, head home,” Dad said. </p><p>“No.  I want you to stay.  You can leave tomorrow after breakfast.  We’ve got food in the freezer, we’ll find enough.” </p><p>My parents looked at each other and shrugged, “What do you think?” Dad asked Mum. “Do you want to stay, or do you want to go home?” </p><p>“I suppose we could stay.  We won’t see her for a while.” </p><p>“I am right here you know?” I said. “But yay!” </p><p>We ate the lunch she’d ‘thrown’ together which turned out to be a nice tuna salad, while discussing plans for the afternoon. </p><p>“Do you think we should organise a cleaner to come in?” I asked.  “Still have to organise garden maintenance too.” </p><p>“I’ll check with Sparky tonight,” Tom said. </p><p>“We don’t really have time to wait though.  It only leaves tomorrow to organise it all and we’ve got other stuff that needs done.  I need to get to the river before we go too.” </p><p>“The river?” Tom questioned. </p><p>“I need to go.” </p><p>“When were you hoping to fit it in?”  </p><p>“Well, we’ve got a bit of time now.  I won’t be long, but I can’t go without seeing the river.” </p><p>“I know, we’re just cutting things fine.  We’ve still got the house to clean and yard to finish off.” </p><p>“Dad will be more than happy to do the yard; Mum can run a dust cloth over the furniture.  They’ll love feeling useful.” </p><p>As predicted, my parents were more than happy to pitch in and help any way they could. “I’m going to the river this afternoon,” I told them.  “Did you want to come?”   </p><p>“I think we’ll let you say your goodbyes and wait here for you.”  </p><p>… </p><p>Standing on the bank of the river, I could feel that familiar calm wash over me.  The sound of the grass rustling in the breeze, the birds in the trees jumping from branch to branch, the smell of the weed on the rivers edge.  I could see the current changing the patterns on the surface of the water as it swirled underneath, the sky reflected in a perfect mirror image.  Peering in the water at the edge, I could see little fish darting from weed to rock to grass to weed.  The sound of the water trickling over the pebbles a little further downstream reminding me of times gone by when I used to wade out and stand in the ‘rapids’.  Turning to my right, I could see where the river bottlenecked before opening up again with a view of the mountains.  I belonged here.  Home.  God, I’ll miss it.   </p><p>Knowing I had to leave, but not being able to bring myself to do so, I looked up at Tom, “Why does it feel different this time?  Why do I feel like nothing’s ever going to be the same again?” </p><p>“Maybe because of everything that’s happened in the last few weeks.  It’s been a lot to take in.  You’re not sleeping well, you’re anxious, you’ve been through a traumatic experience and then had no time to prepare yourself for the trip.  The river will still be here waiting for you when you come back little one,” he said as he pulled me to him and held me.  “I’ll make sure one of the first things we do when we get back is get on a houseboat and spend a few days just drifting up and down the river.” </p><p>“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather just sit by the river.  I don’t have particularly fond memories of the last time we were on a houseboat.” </p><p>“Whatever your heart desires...but only when we get back.  I know you’re not ready love, but we really do need to get moving.  I wish I could give you more time but I can’t.  Savannah and Sparky will be calling by before too long and we’ve still got the boys papers and crates to organise.” </p><p>“I know.  Just two more minutes.  Please?” I asked. </p><p>“I’ll wait up here,” he said realising I needed a couple of minutes to myself.   </p><p>Squatting down right at the water's edge, I touched the water then scooped some up in my hands and rubbed it on my arms, I then scooped some of the earth at the river's edge into my hands, let most of it trickle back down to the ground but left a little which I rubbed in my hands and rubbed over the water on my arms, basically coating them with mud.   </p><p>Laying my hands flat on the ground as I squatted, I closed my eyes and just ‘felt’ the earth under me then said, “I pay my respects to the Elders past, present and emerging, the keepers of our stories, the caretakers of our land.  Yanu.” *  I then stood up, dusted my hands together and turned to join Tom, who stood by silently, arm out ready to hold me close, realising how emotional I felt leaving my beloved river behind.  Kissing the top of my head, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me to the car.   </p><p>Once inside the car he turned to me and said, “You feel safe here.” </p><p>Nodding, I answered, “I do.  How did you know?” </p><p>“You haven’t reached for me once.  Haven’t needed to hold my hand, touch me, need to know that I’m close by.  I know this is hard for you and I promise we’ll spend time on, or by the river when we get back.” </p><p>“I’m holding you to that but I still can’t shake the feeling that it’s all going to be different, everything’s changing and nothing’s going to be the same again.”                                                                                                              </p><p>….. </p><p>*Yanu, is the closest word the Dharug people have for goodbye. </p><p>
  
</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Please see note at end of chapter.</p><p>
  <strong>41.3 ALMOST TIME</strong>
</p><p>Watching her say goodbye to her beloved river was heart wrenching, and I wish I could have given her more time, but time is something that we just don’t have.  She sat in the car, mud still covering her forearms, and stayed silent as we drove off.  I don’t know why she feels the way she does but she’s absolutely convinced that nothing is ever going to be the same and I can feel the sadness emanating from her. I suppose given the news she’s received about her mother and father; nothing will be the same.  The question is, how different will it be?  I wish I could do something to help her, but other than not going to the UK, which isn’t an option, I’m clueless. </p><p>“This place you’re filming at, is there a river nearby?” she asked me. </p><p>“River and sea,” I replied.  “The river is right there in...” </p><p>“Sea?  As in ocean?” she asked cutting me off. </p><p>“Yes, you have your choice of two,” I said smiling.  “Well, they’re the same really, just given different names.” </p><p>“Atlantic?” she queeried. </p><p>“North Atlantic yes, and North Sea.” </p><p>“Not a hope in hell of me getting in that bloody water,” she said.  “Freeze the balls off a brass monkey it’d be so cold, but as long as I can sit and watch, I guess it should be ok.  Are they sand beaches like here or those weird pebble beaches you guys have?” </p><p>Laughing at her description of the ‘weird pebble beaches’ I answered, “You can take your pick, we have both.” </p><p>“Sand.  Not a beach if it doesn’t have sand.” </p><p>“Spoilt Aussie brat,” I said making us both laugh. “I wish I could have given you more time my darling and I’m so sorry that everything is a rush.” </p><p>“It’s not your fault, I know you’d give me the world if you could and don’t think I don’t appreciate it because I do, so very much, but you know how I feel about my country.  And yes, I do realise it’s incredibly selfish of me and you’re the one that had to compromise, but I’ve never made a secret of how I feel.” </p><p>“I know you haven’t and I don’t think it’s selfish.  I admire that you feel so strongly about where you’re from.” </p><p>“We should get back just before Sav arrives,” she said, then gave a chuckle, “I hope we do anyway, I can just imagine mum giving her the third degree, especially if Sparky turns up.  She’ll put two and two together and come up with ten.” </p><p>… </p><p>“We were just trying to work out what to do about food,” Yvonne said as we walked in. </p><p>“All taken care of,” I said, holding up a take out bag, “We grabbed Thai on the way home.” </p><p>“You feeding an army of people?” Barry asked.  “That’s a lot of food.” </p><p>“We weren’t sure what you guys would want,” she said. </p><p>“So you got one of everything?” Yvonne asked, tongue in cheek as the intercom buzzed. </p><p>“I’ll get it,” I said leaving mother and daughter verbally sparring with each other, good naturedly for a change. </p><p>Checking the camera, I saw it was Sparky.  Buzzing him in, I could hear laughter coming from the kitchen and it gladdened my heart that she could have this night with her parents.  Opening the door to Sparky, I was presented with a bottle of scotch and told, “Figured we should have at least one farewell drink.” </p><p>“Thanks man,” I said, “I’d love a drink with you.” </p><p>Just as we were about to head to join the others, I noticed another car pull up and buzzed the gate for Savannah.  Telling Sparky to go through and join the others, I figured I may as well wait for Savannah, who was just parking.  I got a bit of a surprise to find not just Savannah but Theresa too. </p><p>“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” Savannah said, smiling as she nodded to the bottle in my hand, “but if you insist.” </p><p>“Cheeky brat,” I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek, “Get yourself inside.  Theresa, good to see you,” I said giving her a quick hug.  “Come through.” </p><p>“I hope you don’t mind me showing up unannounced,” Theresa said.  “I just wanted to say bon voyage.” </p><p>“You’re always welcome, you should know that,” I told her. “Please, come through.” </p><p>The smile on my wife’s face as she saw Savannah and Theresa was a sight to behold.  She came around the breakfast bar and hugged both of them.  “I’m so glad you both came.  I was worried I wouldn’t get the chance to say goodbye,” she said to Theresa. </p><p>Looking at her arms as she hugged them, Savannah said with a laugh, “What the hell have you been doing?  Look at you.” </p><p>“Oh, yeah.  It won’t come off, it’s dry.  I was at the river saying goo...” </p><p>“Oh crap, I didn’t think,” Savannah said.  “Sorry.  That was a bit uncaring of me.” </p><p>“No, it’s fine.  Honestly,” she said as Theresa gave her shoulder a squeeze. </p><p>“You ok sis?” Theresa asked, using a term of endearment popular among the People. </p><p>“Yeah, just a bit of a tough one farewelling the river you know?  It’s my...” she drifted off, shook her head and gave a smile. </p><p>“I know,” Theresa said, rubbing her arm. </p><p>“So, have you guys eaten?” she asked the newcomers. </p><p>“Not yet, thought we’d call in on the way home,” Savannah said. </p><p>“Eat here,” I called out.  “We bought Thai on the way back from the river and we’ve enough to feed a small army.  Sparky, grab a plate.” </p><p>“Oh, forgot.  Mum, Dad, this is Savannah, she manages our shop, and her wife Theresa and this is Sparky, our friend from the pub.  Actually, Sparky?” she said. </p><p>“Yes Missy?” he asked. </p><p>“What’s your name?  I can’t keep calling you Sparky.” </p><p>“Jordan,” he answered, “Jordan Sparks, yes I know, hilarious considering I’m an electrician.” </p><p>“Jordan.  I like it,” she said. “So, Jordan, Savannah, Theresa, my parents Yvonne and Barry.” </p><p>“You up for a drink Sparky?” I asked. </p><p>“Jordan,” I got told by my lovely wife.  “The man’s name is Jordan.” </p><p>Sparky gave a smirk and said, “Sparky’s fine, Missy.” </p><p>“Well, I’ll be calling you Jordan,” she said, eyes narrowed as she looked at me. </p><p>I cracked open the scotch, poured a drink for everyone as we all sat around eating, drinking and talking, her parents joining in as well, which brought a huge smile to her face.  She didn’t really leave her mothers side much while we ate, making sure Yvonne had enough food, asking if she wanted a cuppa or anything. </p><p>“Oh, while I think of it.  Jordan, I’ll organise a housekeeper and yard maintenance man to come once a week so you don’t need to worry about anything.” </p><p>“No, I can do it,” he said.  “I like yard work, and most of the house won’t get used so I can just give it a quick run over with the vacuum cleaner and give it a dust.” </p><p>“I’m happy to get someone in.” </p><p>“No, all good.  I’m assuming all the garden tools are out the back?” he asked. </p><p>“Tom will take you and show you around and run you through everything once we’ve finished eating.  I need to have a chat with Savannah anyway so I’ll do that while Tom shows you around.” </p><p>Fifteen minutes later, with her parents insisting on tidying the kitchen, I took Sparky outside, showed him where everything was kept, then went back inside and showed him the security system. </p><p>“Do you need me to write it all down?” I asked.   </p><p>“Maybe just jot the basics down so I can reference it to start with.  It won’t take me long to get the hang of it.” </p><p>Taking him through the rest of the house, I asked him where he’d prefer to sleep and he chose the guest room that Chris and Elsa usually use.  “We’ve cleared the office for you,” I said. “So, feel free to use it.  I’ll leave the wifi password for you.  I don’t mind if you have a couple of friends over but would prefer only people you’re quite close to.  I’m sure you understand.” </p><p>“You needn’t worry. I won’t be having anyone over.  I know how much you value your privacy so it will only be me here.” </p><p>“Thank you, I really do appreciate it.  Right, so I think I've shown you everything.  Feel free to use the games room, gym, media room, whatever you want.  I’d appreciate it if you didn’t go into our room.” </p><p>“Mate, I’ll be sticking to the bedroom I’m using, maybe use the gym and games room, office, kitchen and living room.  My needs are simple and I appreciate you trusting me enough to ask me.  It’s getting a bit rough living with the olds.” </p><p>“Now, as I said, Missy may come back early, it’s really hard to say.  If she does, she’ll possibly stay with her parents but if not, I’d appreciate you staying with her until I can get back.  If you don’t mind of course.  I’m not sure how she’ll go in the house on her own after that long away and after what happened here.  We’ll check in every couple of weeks to see how things are going, and if at any time you change your mind about housekeeping and maintenance, let us know and we’ll organise it.” <br/> <br/>“No worries.  I’ll just get you to leave instructions for the security system and I’ll be fine.” </p><p>“Let’s go rejoin the others,” I suggested. </p><p>Back in the living room, Savannah and Theresa were giving Missy a huge hug while she tried to hold the tears back, unsuccessfully.  “Oh for God’s sake,” she said, swiping at the tears on her cheeks.  “This is ridiculous.” </p><p>“Come on,” Savannah said.  “It’s only 6 months at the most.  We’ll facetime every couple of weeks so I can keep you updated on how things are going, and I can show you any changes I make to stock etc.  It’ll go quick, you’ll see.” </p><p>“I know,” she said.  “I just feel so rushed.  I knew it was coming but I just thought I’d have a bit more time.  Thank you both so much for coming over.” </p><p>Sparky decided that he’d get going also but was coming back tomorrow night to get settled while we were still here so if he had any questions, he could ask before we left.  He was a bit hesitant to stay with it being our last night, but we both assured him we were more than happy for him to stay.  He also offered to drive us to the airport which was really good of him and saved us messing about with cabs, so we accepted his kind offer gratefully. </p><p>Once Sparky was gone, we found all the paperwork we needed for the boys and readied their crates for when the courier came in the morning.  Yvonne and Barry excused themselves and went to have showers then said they were heading to bed as they wanted to head off just after breakfast.  We spent some time with the boys knowing this was pretty much the last chance we’d get before they were picked up early in the morning.  They were only going to be allowed a small breakfast before traveling, so we were going to have to be up early to have them ready.  </p><p>Deciding that we might as well head to bed, I went to close up, quite choked up at the thought of the boys not being with us.  I’ll be honest, I’m dreading it.  Anyway, I’ll worry about that tomorrow, for now, I’m going to get my lovely wife, take her to bed and hold her tight.   </p><p>
  
</p><p>NOTE:  This is the second last entry in this book (book 2).  Due to the fact that this book is almost 42 chapters long, and because we're about to start a new phase in the story, I've decided to end this book and begin book 3.  Nothing will change except you'll need to bookmark then new book.  I'll still post daily (well, I'll try) and it will still be the same story, just a different book.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>41.4 IT'S TIME (PART 1)</strong>
</p><p>41.4 It’s Time (part 1) </p><p> </p><p>If I lay still and keep my eyes closed do you think time will stand still and I don’t have to face the day?  I’d really like that to happen.  I’m not ready.  I’m not ready to say goodbye to my boys.  I’m not ready to say goodbye to my parents, my psychologist, my doctor...my house.  Don’t tell me it’s only going to be 6 months and it’s all going to be here when I get back.  It might be here, but none of it’s going to be the same.  I can’t explain it, I wish I could, but something’s happening.  I don’t know what, I don’t know when, I don’t know how.  I just know it is.  I’m not being melodramatic but nothing’s ever going to be the same again.  I can feel it. </p><p>“Pretending to be asleep isn’t going to stop the inevitable,” I heard from beside me.  “I can practically hear you overthinking.” </p><p>“Go away, I’m sleeping,” I told him as I rolled over, buried my head deeper into the pillows and pulled the covers up. </p><p>“The longer you stay here, the less time you have with the boys and your parents,” he said. </p><p>“It’s a good thing I love you as much as I do,” I told him.  “Because sometimes, I really don’t like you.” </p><p>Pulling me closer, he nuzzled my neck, “That’s ok.  As long as you love me, I can deal with the rest.  Unfortunately my love, we really do need to get moving.” </p><p>“I’m not ready for this,” I said, pulling away from him so I could see his face.  “Please be patient with me today.” </p><p>He found that quite funny, placed a kiss on my forehead and told me, “I’m patient with you every day.” </p><p>“Like I said, good think I love you lots.” </p><p>“You’ve got 30 seconds.  If you’re not out of bed by then, I start sucking your earlobes.” </p><p>Taking one look at him, I knew he was serious, and there’s nothing I hate more than having my earlobes sucked, so I threw the covers back, called him a few choice names and padded over to the bathroom.  Flushing the toilet, washing my hands then throwing my hair up in a messy bun, I was still muttering under my breath when he came in. </p><p>“What are you complaining about?” he said, giving me a cheeky grin. </p><p>As he used the toilet, I cleansed my face and answered,  “I’m beginning to question the sanity of ever getting involved with someone who travels the world for work and spends half a year or more, away at a time.” </p><p>Flushing the toilet, he came to wash his hands and said, “We’ve just spent the last year and a bit together, here.  No travel.” </p><p>“I know. But still.” </p><p>“But still what?  This is the longe....oh, come here.  Shhh, don’t cry,” he said gathering me in his arms.  “It’s going to be ok love.  It really will.  The time will fly by and we’ll be back before you know it.” </p><p>“I know.  It’s just hard.  I feel like I’ve really got somewhere with mum this weekend and it’s killing me inside to know that she’s not going to be like this the next time I see her.” </p><p>“I wish I could say or do something to make it better, but I can’t.” </p><p>“And I know that hurts you.  I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you feel bad.  Just a bit of a struggle at the moment.  I do know how lucky I am to have you, don’t ever forget that.  And I’m sorry I’m not as excited as I should be about being in the UK.   Come on, let’s go see mum and dad, get the boys some breakfast and get them organised.” </p><p>Taking his hand, I led the way down the hallway and walked into the kitchen to find Mum and Dad both standing at the coffee machine, Dad telling Mum what to do. </p><p>“No, not there.  In here,” he said. </p><p>“Oh.  Why am I trying to put it there then?” she asked looking confused. </p><p>“That’s something only you know,” he told her. </p><p>“You trying to break my coffee machine?” I asked with a chuckle. </p><p>“Apparently so,” she answered.  “I completely forgot how to do it.  I remember now.” </p><p>Looking up at Tom, I gave him a ‘this is what I mean, it’s all changing,’ look and he gave a slight nod of understanding. </p><p>“Here,” he said.  “Let me do it.  I make better coffee than you lot anyway.” </p><p>Mum handed everything over to him and came to sit down.   </p><p>“Just have to give the boys some breakfast,” I said.  “They’re leav..they’re goi...they’re gett..”.expelling a big breath, I pulled myself together and finished, “The doggy courier is picking them up early so they need to be ready.” </p><p>The boys both knew something was going on and Paddy was being a big sook, not wanting to leave my side, so I sat beside him while he ate, talking quietly to him, telling him he was going to be fine and that we’d see each other again soon and how he’d be able to go see Diana and run around down there.  I told him about the river and sea and how interesting it would be to see places we’ve not seen before, and get to watch Tom work.  Speaking of Tom, he was hunkered down beside me, petting Bobby and looked to me, “So you trying to convince the dog or yourself of all that?” </p><p>“Probably both of us if the truth be told.” </p><p>… </p><p>“You be good boys, we’ll see you as soon as they say you’re allowed to come home.  I’ll miss you both so much.  You’re going to be together all the way and you can stay together once you get there.  Paddy, you look after your little brother.  Bobby, you make sure Paddy’s a good boy.  See you in three weeks my beautiful boys.” </p><p>Tom gave them both a scratch, told them to be good and look after each other then closed the door on the van at which time I burst into tears.  He was expecting it.   </p><p>“Lots more tears to come yet unfortunately, my love,” he said.  “They’re going to be fine.” </p><p>“Yeah, well if they’re going to be so fine how come you’ve got tears huh?” </p><p>He had no answer so put his arm around me and shepherded me back inside so I didn’t see the van drive off.   </p><p>We’d no sooner got inside and Mum and Dad came out with their bags and said they were going too. </p><p>Oooo, so not ready for this bit.  Can’t we just wave a magic wand so that we can be at Tom’s with the boys and I’m facetiming my parents for the tenth time is as many days?  I don’t do goodbyes, never have.  </p><p>“Look after yourself girl,” Dad said in his usual dry manner.  “We’ll talk to you in a few days.  Tom, good luck with her son.  Hope the movie goes well.” </p><p>“It’s a series,” Mum told him.  “Not a movie.  Don’t you listen?” </p><p>“Mum. Enough,” I said.  “Don’t ruin it now.  You take it easy, look after yourself.  Do everything the doctors tell you to do and I’ll call you every couple of days ok?” </p><p>“Why? I’m not likely to forget you if you leave it a couple of weeks.  Besides, I wouldn’t have anything to say if you call that often.” </p><p>My dad laughed when she said that and mumbled something about never being short of a word. </p><p>Giving mum a big hug, I was determined I wasn’t going to cry...at least not until they’d gone, then I’d let myself lose it.  Tom gave her a hug, told her to do as the doctors said, then we saw them out to the car. </p><p>“When do you get there?” she asked me. </p><p>“Another couple of days before we get there, then we have to quarantine for 10 days,” I told her. </p><p>“10? Is that all?” she asked.  “Why not 14 like here?” </p><p>“I don’t know Mum, you’d have to ask the English government.” </p><p>“Ok, well.  We’ll see you in a few months.  Take care.” </p><p>“I love you both,” I said.  </p><p>“Oh, I suppose we love you too,” she said, with a cheeky grin and wink.  “I’ll miss you.” </p><p>They drove off and yes, I was in tears again.  </p><p>“Right, well, we need to get you organised love.  You’ve got Neil then we’ve got Michelle.” </p><p>“I don’t want to go inside,” I said.  “It’s going to be so empty.”  </p><p>“I know it’s going to feel that way, but I’ll be here with you.  I’ll look after you.” </p><p>“I’m sorry, I know you will.  I just...I can’t...I...” </p><p>“It’s alright love.  I know.  Come on, let’s go get ready, get your leg checked over, get the stitches out then see Michelle.  I’ll take you out for lunch if you’d like?” </p><p>“Would you mind if we didn’t?  I don’t feel fit to be in public at the moment.” </p><p>“I just thought it might be better than staying here,” he said.   </p><p>“No.  I’d rather be here.  I know they’re going to fine, the boys that is. I think it’s just having had such a good time with Mum, I guess I wasn’t expecting it, so it makes all the harder.” </p><p>We headed inside, popped the few dishes we’d used into the dishwasher then tidied ourselves up a bit and headed out to see Neil. </p><p>
  
</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <strong>41.4 IT'S ALMOST TIME (PART 2)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is the last part of Book 2.   Just wanted to say a quick thanks for the continued support, I really do appreciate it and Book 3 will start tomorrow, feel free to bookmark it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once </span>
  <span>again</span>
  <span> you’ll have to forgive my use of artistic licence.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>41.4 It’s Time (part 2)</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks good,” Neil said, looking at the wound on my leg.  “Healed up nicely.  Now, you’re going to the UK when?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow morning,” I replied.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I would have liked to have left the stitches in another day but as you’re not likely to be doing anything too strenuous for the next few days, I’m happy to take them out now.  Nothing </span>
  <span>strenuous</span>
  <span>, at all.  Am I making myself clear?” he asked looking at both of us.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Crystal,” Tom said with a smirk.  “I’m sure we can manage to remain fairly sedentary for the next 48 hours or so.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How long are you gone for?” Neil asked conversationally.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be gone for about 6 months,” Tom replied, then nodded towards me, “Hopefully this one is with me for the entire shoot but it’s quite possible she’ll be back earlier.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, enjoy yourselves but remember to keep yourselves safe, masks, distancing, you know the drill, and I’m sure I’ll see you when you get back.  Your bloods are all under control, everything’s ok on that count?” he asked me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Seems to be.  Haven’t heard any different.  I’ve got a letter from the clinic to take to the doctor in the UK so he’s aware of what’s going on.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.  Any problems at all, just get in contact and we’ll see if we can sort it all out for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Neil,” I said, standing.  “I’ll see you later in the year.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and Neil said their goodbyes then we said goodbye to Jenny before heading to see Michelle.  This is one I wasn’t looking forward to because I wasn’t ready to face up to issues with my father and didn’t want to talk about Mum.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on in you two,” Michelle said, holding the door for us.  “Take a seat.  So, you’re leaving me for a while?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’ll miss me terribly but it’s only for a few months,” I said.  “I’ll even allow you to counsel me by phone if it makes you feel better.  We’ll just have to work out time differences.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t go out of your way to be accommodating now will you?” she asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we just get on with this please?” I asked.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we need to talk about?” she queried.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.  I was just checking in and thought we could work out a phone schedule, but I’ll just email and we can sort it,” I said standing up.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit your ass back down,” she said as Tom chimed in, “You need to tell her about your father.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Glaring at Tom, I said, “And thanks for that.  I didn’t want to talk about it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What about your father?  Which father?” she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Bio, I just found out he has inoperable bladder cancer.  No, I haven’t dealt with it, </span>
  <span>yes</span>
  <span> I will but not until I get to the UK.  I’ve also just spent a wonderful weekend with my mother and learnt that we actually can get on and she’s not such a bad person.  Again, I know there’s more to talk about with that but not until I’m </span>
  <span>settled</span>
  <span> in.  I’m pissed at Karen for taking my love of my home away but other than that she can go to hell.  I’m dealing with being outside and not glued to Tom’s side, and I cried when I had to say goodbye to the river.  I don’t want to deal with any of this at the moment as my focus is on getting to the UK with my body and mind intact and if you make me deal with any of it, that’s not going to happen.  I’ll email you when we get there and we can work out a phone schedule.  Now, I’m going to go home and finish what I need to do.  I’ll see you when I get back and just for the record, I’ll miss your face.  Tom, let’s go.”  And with that I stood up and walked out the room leaving them both open mouthed staring after me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that went well,” I heard Michelle say.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom” I called out.  “Let’s go. You know I’m barely holding my shit together.  Now!”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Coming,” he called out.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Michelle came out with him and they say goodbye, then she looked across to me, “I’ll be in contact.  Soon.  You’ve got some pretty big issues to deal with, and we will be dealing with them.  Understand?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I got it.  I’m not avoiding them.  Well, I am, but not completely.  More stalling at the moment.  Just let me get there and get settled then I’m good to go.  I promise. Tom, let’s go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m holding you to it.   I know your number and I have your email and I will bombard you with messages and calls until you answer me.  Am I making myself understood?”  she asked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You are, and I have no intentions of avoiding the issues, just stalling them.  I’ll talk to you soon.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You will,” she said.  “Have a safe trip, and for the record; I’ll miss your face too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Waiting until we were in the car, he turned to me, “I know you’re not ok, but are you ok?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing as I answered him, “You sound like me.  That was such a me thing to say and I’ll be fine.  I know it’s all going to catch up with me, so expect me to be a mess the first couple of days.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He gave my hand a squeeze then started the car and headed towards home.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want for lunch?” he asked as we stopped at the traffic lights.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No clue.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What about dinner?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“In all honesty, I’d be happy with toasted ham and cheese sandwiches for dinner and just some fruit and cheese for lunch.  I’m really not that hungry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We’d done all we could do, had been over the house at least half a dozen times making sure everything was in order and that we’d forgotten nothing.  Sparky was due anytime now which was good as we’d finally stopped and it was now that it was really hitting home that our boys weren’t with us.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder how they are,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t want to think about it,” I replied, “I’ll cry.”  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure they’ll be fine.  They’re beside each...” the intercom buzzed signaling Sparky’s arrival.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom got up to buzz him in then went to the door, saying, “I’ll just show him where to park and give him the remote for the gate and garage.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“All good,” I said looking around my very empty feeling house.  “I’ll just wait here.  Actually, no I won’t.  I’ll come too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>We showed Sparky around, showed him how everything worked; the pool pump, sprinkler system, gave him the key to Diana’s and asked him to just give it a bit of an airing every couple of weeks.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Heading inside, Tom got him to run through the security system just to make sure he had it all down pat then we sat, the boys having a scotch, me having a coffee.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks so much for driving us to the airport in the morning, Jordan,” I said.  “It's kind of you to get up so early to do it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m up early every day so it’s really no bother, and it’s the least I can do considering your letting me live in your house.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you boys will excuse me, I’m going to go to bed and try for a couple of hours sleep.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in shortly,” Tom said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I showered and was just getting into bed when Tom came in. “I’ll just have a quick shower,” he said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I was laying there going over everything for about the thirteenth time, making sure everything was done, when Tom came out and got into bed pulling me towards him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Get some sleep little one.  It’s going to be morning all too soon.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We both know I won’t hardly sleep, besides if I stay awake now, I can hopefully sleep on the plane.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You got everything?” he asked me for the fifth time.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” I said.  “I had it the first four times you asked me.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just making sure.  Right, let’s go then,” he said.  “Sparky, you ready?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready when you are.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and Sparky chatted all the way to the airport with me mostly listening, only adding something occasionally.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before I knew it, we were there, bags unloaded from the car and saying goodbye to Sparky.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll keep in touch,” Tom told him.  “And if you need anything, just shoot us an email. Given time differences it’s probably going to be easier that way.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do,” he said, shaking Toms’ hand.  “Well, have a safe trip and I’ll see you....in a few months I guess.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Jordan,” I said, giving </span>
  <span>him a quick</span>
  <span> hug.  “Take care, and thank you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Grabbing our bags, we headed inside, doing our best to dodge the sleazebag paparazzi photographers who insisted on hanging out at the airport. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After checking in, we went to the passenger lounge and waited for our boarding call.  I know Tom was excited that it was finally time to go, and I was too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very much looking forward to seeing everyone, friends and family, and definitely looking forward to being on location as it looks absolutely gorgeous, but it’s just tough leaving my family with things the way they are.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span> We were sitting reading when our flight was called, so onto the plane we went, got ourselves settled and waited. </span>
  <span>Pre flight</span>
  <span> requirements were over and the plane taxied onto the runway.  Closing my eyes, I let out a breath as the plane began rolling then picked up speed.  I was being pushed back into my seat and glanced out the window as I watched the ground disappear from under us.  We were up, no longer on Australian soil.  I know it may seem like an overreaction as it’s only six months maximum, but I’m like this every time I leave the country.  My country is a part of me, and when I’m not home, I feel a part of me is missing.  I can’t help it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You all good?” he asked me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m as good as it’s going to get at the moment,” I said.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to be ok,” he told me.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.  I’ve got you and while I’ve got you, it’s always going to be ok.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p> </p>
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